When Seduced by a Man or Woman, Say- I Fear Allah
Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
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Manual payment humbling
to step up one step closer to either issue zero Dr. Medina
May the love of Allah who will make you believe further heavier shadow
or shadow NSE then I will have even hours within our body then I'm humble enough to hold a pseudo
Allahumma Sunday was sending more vertic I'd say you know 130 He'll pull up you know, but he didn't was hardly his marine or the equipment of Yahoo.
I lived in my environment when foreigners remind them to know zipping Subhanallah Subhanak Allah who are even in Long Island
especially brothers and sisters.
Hamdulillah we praise them we thank Allah subhanaw taala
for granting us the tofield to be here today.
Most of you fasted I was told you had
the Allah accept your invest, reward you
increase you and your sincerity and in your good deeds. You saw the auditors
like the brother mentioned, actually came to UCL because of come to collect me on Kings Cross for three, four years, four years. I can't remember the three years or four years or five years. How to talk here.
Does that mean anybody who's still studying right now was there that
was probably fine. Nobody, nobody attended the lecture. I still know the title. So it was recorded. It's on the internet. I still remember that. There was a controversial topic now to talk about balancing the topic.
And it was in a larger lecture theater. I remember quite a few people that
was I don't know how many years ago, three or four or five I'm just complaining. Maybe five years, the title was spirited Sufism
or the reality of Sufism. So basically trying to explain what is right and what's wrong.
Today's topic is very important, like brother said, the Hadith, which
has been recorded by Imam Al Bukhari and the Muslim in their respective so he collections. It's a famous Hadith. It's an authentic, very rigorously authenticated Hadith. And you probably have had a talk on the building on the part of the Hadith or one aspect of the Hadith.
The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said something I don't usually know whom Allah Who Yeoman Avila Illa there are certain people seven people, and the list is there in the Hadith. Those people who will be under the shade of Allah subhanaw taala, on the Day of Judgment, they'll be under the shade of Allah.
On a day when there'll be no shade, except Allah shade. In other words, there'll be no protection, no refuge from anyone from from the difficulties from the calamities of that day. It's a very difficult then
the day of judgment, but these people will be protected preserved by Allah subhanho wa taala. And one of them is said and this is what our talk is focusing on today is a person a Rajan, but a virtual immorality, a man who was seduced or called by a woman, but the I took the word in one of the narration is part of it. It's a man who was trying to be seduced by a woman. Now this does not only mean a man being seduced, remember the words in the Hadith and in the Quran, sometimes there are about specific in genders but it doesn't really, it's not restricted to that there's a general application in many of these types of the Quran and Sunnah. Otherwise, if everything was explaining
every in detail, then you'd have 800 volumes of the Quran. And you'd have 200 regard to tarawih and Hadith as well. Like the other day, just last week, I had a customer now saying, Allah says in the Quran is given a list of people who a man cannot marry. Allah says Karima Alikum, Omaha.
Miranda, there's a list. Now when Allah said hurry metallicum had to come. You can't marry a biological mother, a man cannot write. That doesn't mean that you can marry your grandmother. Everybody agrees. You should convert your mom you can marry a grandmother but Allah didn't call it saying your mother, your grandmother and if somebody has a great grandmother and also great great grandmother, and then if somebody even a great great grandmother than a great grandmother, otherwise you'd have a large text. So this is
Generally there are general principles given the Quran in the Sunnah. And then you use your own understanding to see what kind of application it is. Likewise, in this hadith, he said a man who is seduced by a woman invited to commit a sin by a woman, he said, rather alone pallava to emerge, and this woman is not just any woman now. So it's not only restricted to a man being invited by a woman, it's also the general public implication is that a woman being tried to be seduced by a man a man tries to flirt with a woman? Right? That's also understood there. So in either case, a man being seduced by a woman or a woman being seduced by a man who are not related to they're not husband
wife. And this This relates to also flirtatious conversation and whatever we know what's unlawful I'll talk about some of those things. But just to read the Hadith first and foremost before you and this woman is no ordinary one
right? I mean, if somebody was a man who was being seduced by 105 year old woman and you say, You know what, I'm so just chased hamdulillah right and No, no intention of sinning. Then only lady with a stick and try to seduce you and say, You know what?
In the half of my life
and I said, mashallah, you know, what a woman trying to seduce me? I I was so chaste, it'll be new. Likewise a woman you know, there's an old man. Right? And she tried he tries to seduce or flirt with her and of course, probably stalk him.
So that's no big deal. But a woman in this hadith, Raju Luis de Arte who Imran that woman Serbian war, German, the Messenger of Allah subhanaw taala, he was no more it. He said two things. This woman is someone of beauty. In other words, there's that attraction there. The woman is someone who you are attracted to as a man. Remember, attraction and beauty is relative. You can't say this person is beautiful and this person is not. Beauty is in, it's in the eyes of the beholder. So it's a relative theory, you might find someone might find someone beautiful others might not even look at that person twice. So and beauty is not just in the physical appearance, it's there's a lot of
things the way a person talks, the way a person's character is, is a cloud of love, and mannerisms and everything. So someone whom you are attracted to.
A man is seduced by a woman whom he is really inclined towards he is attracted to the room. And likewise a woman being encouraged to commit a sin and flirted with by a man a first with her, whom she is in a way attracted to.
And Munson. The second thing that was out of Allah salAllahu Alaihe. Salam is not just a woman who has beauty and you're attracted to it's someone of position of authority, of a position and rank, in the society, in your locality in your community, someone who,
who has respect, and someone whom you respect Do you have respect for in the heart, I have brother, this brother, his head, I'm not going to give so give examples of images of societies and Isaac's or whatever, because I did that one place. And he took a moment I said, I'm not talking but she's just general. Someone you know, like in your locality, there's some just someone will respect and you don't come to to that person. If you look up towards that woman, or that sister or that brother in Morocco, to Abraham, to Germany, Romans.
Right, this man was invited by this woman to commit a sin.
Meaning there's every possible reason for him to commit a sin. And there are no barriers. There are no barriers, it's very easy to fall into sin. Yes, the only thing that is preventing and stopping this man or a woman from fornicating and not just you know, we will talk about some things in a and the things that lead to fornication. All the sins he avoids. And he says in a half Allah, I feel that's the title of the talk. I fear what it's actually the words of the Hadith in the a half Allah. Indeed, I fear Allah. That's just such a strong statement. Such a strong statement. In other words, he avoids us in because of the fear of Allah because there's nothing that will prevent a man or a
woman from committing a sin in any area of your life of our lives, in any area except the beautiful.
If we have the fear of Allah in our souls in our lives, then then that's what will prevent us from committing the sin. There's nothing else there's nothing
knows even authority position cannot in of itself prevents a person from a sin. You might just due to force and pressure of parents of the government or whatever you are the authority because of force and pressure, you might avoid some sense. But in the homework in isolation and seclusion, there are certain things that nobody can force.
So the fear of Allah in your half Allah another term in the Quran use for fear of Allah is taboo as well Taqwa is a very comprehensive word. Allah says in the Quran, Dr. Yunus so many places to talk about Bakula, dhikala minutes
over seminoma Regera Kathira when he said what a double love and fear Allah, Allah says, Yeah, you know, the three verses that are recited in the hotbar hotword Hydra, which is the son of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which is recited before the marriage ceremony, the Imam when you go to the moon, if anybody's married yet or not, but if you get married, or if you know, when an Imam is reciting the sermon, the hope of marriage, it's assuming that there are three verses that are chosen from the Quran, and none of them have any mention of Nygaard marriage in them. None of them. The Messenger of Allah is gonna watch Allah who said, um, I could have chosen
any other verse from the Quran that talks about marriage. But no, all three verses have one thing in common, which is God consciousness, being conscious and aware of the fact that everything I say everything I do everything I write any gestures I make, I will request question about them, I will be answerable to my load on the day of
special reminder the time of the car. Because now before marriage, you are by yourself alone. Now you have extra responsibilities that are approved the rights and responsibilities, you're going to live 24/7 with your spouse, and your children, there'll be other family members. Right? Remember anything you say to your spouse, you will have to answer to Allah the next life. That's why dubwise being reminded fear of Allah.
It's a very important parts feel awful, you know, because that if if we realize this is what turquoise, if we are conscious, we realize that the fact that anything I say oh, do I have to my pencil my load on the day of judgment about anything I say or do or even right on the internet forums, and nobody knows who you are. Now you might be on a forum somewhere. And some you might just sign up as Abdullah and your name is probably Xena. You know, that's what happens nowadays people because anonymous you know, now people just because of you know, you don't know who you are be emailing here and there and people are anonymous. And people say all sorts of things and do all
sorts of things. Only the fear of Allah, whatever we say whatever we do, whatever we write even the actions, everything in the next slide, you know, it's there's going to be like a video being played everything, all actions myofilament Bodin, Illa. De here are people and it Allah says, any statement, any word, any utterance, any pronouncement, anything that comes out from the mouth, my yellow film in bowling, except there's an agent, making the record of everything. So we have to be very careful. This is our understanding of the next slide.
So in this hadith, he said, I fear Allah, right? And he avoided the sin, this beautiful voice such as strong, such a strong quality. It's just so amazing, but we need to inculcate that. You know, there's another Hadith as well which which is related to that famous Hadith. In many books, Bihari and Muslim and elsewhere, where you might have heard of it, there were three people who, you know, the messenger of allah sallallahu, it was him. He said three people they left they came out they were traveling, and Asaba hula Mata, there was heavy rain. So they because of the rain, what they did, for the huddle behind, they went into a cave to just save themselves from the rain. They were
in the cave, what happened? A Sahara a massive rock shuts the entrance of the cave.
They're locked inside the condo anyway.
They were it was on a mountain. Nobody can hear
the miners. Remember the Chilean miners?
What happened to the Chilean miners? They were like there for how many days or months? I don't know. It's just like that right in the middle of a mountain in a cave. They're under the javelin and Asara came and blocked. So shall we do? There's no way nobody can find us. So they said to each other the look let's make dua to Allah. Let's pray to Allah. Let's ask Allah to just miraculously
remove his truck.
Let's pray to Allah. Let's pray to Allah in a way that we we ask Allah through our some of the good deeds that we have
practice before each one of them, one of them said, Oh Allah, you know, there's two others, which I don't want to go into. But I want to mention third one, one of them said, Oh Allah, you know, he had parents that he stood all night long We produce to feed the milk. And they went to sleep. And he stood all night long to morning. And they woke up and he said, All I have done is for your sake only for your pleasure. I asked you, I beg you to move this rock from the entrance of the cave. 1/3 A third have moved. And the second one, he had something but he had someone who had employed and then he didn't want his wages. And then he came back after such a long, so he took his wages and invested
it. So long Hadith, but there's no time I want to go into the details, but and he invested it and there was a lot of cattle sheep that was generated from this. And he came back and he said I want my wages back. It's all of this as your because they used and he was quite shocked. He said, are you making a mockery out of us? No, this is all yours. Take it. He said all I find is only for your sake, remove the rock from the cave. Another third, two thirds. And the third one. And this is the one I mean this is related to this hadith.
He said Oh ALLAH and this, these are they're making the DUA. You know. They're making they're praying to Allah, they're making dua, they said, Oh Allah, I used to have a first cousin, whom I used to be madly love. Someone that you're after, you know, for years, I want to marry her. But people I'm not allowing that. I want you to come forth. I want you to find the key to them for a long time, or help her hope mentioned even I used to love her extremely.
I used to love her extremely.
I shouldn't be my resident is extremely, I used to love her extremely. And I used to try to seduce her. She's used to always say no. And then she was in a once she got into a very desperate state financially. And she said if you get 100 dinars, and I'll allow you to communicate with me, right? I mean for them that I'm under the nose like a lot of amounts of money. 100 pounds, it's a lot
meaner to dinner.
So he said was it to her? To her? I worked for it because I was so desperate to even have one session of in which I am close to her.
And I can unite with her. He said for sorry, too. I tried. I worked for Jamar to I Virgil moto I gathered under Deena imagine working like you thinking oh yes, she says you want to send it back and try to take advantage of the fact he said of the fact that she was financially in a very bad position. And she was desperate for some money. So I went out I work day and night hard, very, really worked hard so that I can get the get the money gather the money, and then I can do whatever I want to do. And I gave it to her. And then the Hadith says Hanalei the words of the Hadith amazing is from God to be quite open and frank Salama got to be in originally
when I sat in between her legs, literal translation that's in the Hadith
for La Mancha to be in originally hola I sat in between like I was there just which was the final stages of fornication actual illicit unlawful sexual intercourse
call it she said to me it appears
right at that moment that to me fear of law
you imagine that position that's that that situation? Imagine what he's been working for years, gathering 100 dinar and then he's got his way and now he's right on the final stages. And he's just about to fully Kate and she says dumping fear. If you have fear of Allah, you want Walla Walla at a football heart. Don't break the sea. And another river I will attempt to have hot don't open the sea because she was a virgin girl. She has a fear of loss and desperate right and desperate and is the reason why I'm allowing you to do this. But if you have fear of Allah fear of law and don't open
and it hit this isn't hadith is a sound
what at the hotel hartham Illa be happy, unless by do right, which is through marriage through Halloween.
He said welcome to whatever to her. As soon as I heard that, I stood up and I left for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala and then they made this to our hola encounter tadam hola you know for a fact and if I do that,
I did that for your only for your pleasure. Just just for your sake. Only because of you alone. No one No other reason nobody was watching. I was there. I was able
right, it was only for the sake of Allah not for any shame not because oh I might get caught here or people might see us here or something might happen. There was no way for him to get caught or anything, but only for the sake of Allah Faraj Anna Baraka opener,
cave entrance removed and another third was moved and all three of them the whole rock moved and the entrance was open.
This hadith is very similar to that hadith. Now brothers sisters, I want to say a few things. These were just two Hadith so we'll start with took off with these two Hadith and I don't know how much time I have you
Allah subhanaw taala
he's our creed, this craziness, right? We believe in Allah craziness.
We know a lot because everybody believed
his craziness with certain
needs and desires.
Allah is the creator of the human being.
On one hand, we just read the Hadith.
When a woman is
seducing you, a woman seduces you and invites you to a sin. And you say the near half Allah I fear Allah. That woman said to me that Allah, he had a desire and a need, but he suppressed his desire, he suppressed his meat.
This tells us that ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada.
He is our Lord he has he is our Creator. He has created certain things within us. He knows we have certain desires and needs, because he's our Creator. He has created a need within the human man or woman. All sorts of needs, we get hungry, we are thirsty, right, we are hungry, we are thirsty. And there are many things the temperament, the nature of the human the way Allah has created human beings. He has created certain things because of a wisdom that Allah knows best.
A human being man or a woman naturally has this desire, a need, which needs to be fulfilled which is the desire of lust, which is a desire of, of wanting companionship from a member of opposite gender, this desire to be in the company of the opposite gender, it's absolutely natural normal. Don't worry.
Right? So this brother once came to me said you know I just have this image is I wish I don't have a desire. This somebody came to the messenger of allah sallallahu I need to send them
the rune since I have a moment of aha in Kitab Nica one of us either the hula, rather interview sallallahu alayhi wa sallam either of man, Abdullah, he wants you to get castrated. He wants you to remove from him south the desire the sexual desire so that he can live in solitude
well as you know, the whole after Cena debacle Minister konica to deliver life of celibacy, and he has the Messenger of Allah, messenger of Allah and Allah hola when can I live a life of celibacy? Which means that I you know, live a life of celibacy. I don't have desires. Well, I didn't know who Dr. Cena had the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam allowed him the Companions say that laughter so you know, we would have got ourselves castrated some of us, which means we just want to live in solitude. If that was the case, Allah wouldn't have created this. This there's a reason there's a wisdom. All these natural desires created in the human being
anger, you know, the messenger of allah sallallahu Sallam he said to one companion car so long as he was in a hurry to get me in a car. Whoa, geez, give me a short brightness. It hurts Allah double Don't, don't get angry. Second time that I did the mirror that thrice. Now we know anger is wrong. We know anger is something we need to avoid. People go into, you know, some anger management, treatment clinics, and we have Islamic numbers in the Quran. We know there are ways of removing anger and controlling one's anger. Why?
If it was evil, in of itself, it's not evil. It's the misuse of anger. And there's a reason because of which Allah created anger within us. Because if there's a need, there are certain times if you absolutely pass it, no and also, somebody could come right in front of you and you know, your father, your mother and parents and slapping them around.
Don't do that.
And someone's just literally physically abusing your parents right in front of you.
I'm telling you that
you don't get angry. Nothing makes you angry.
No human beings like that there's a wisdom behind it. Likewise, Allah has created this sexual desire, passion, lust, in a human man or woman is absolutely normal, natural. And there's a wisdom because of that we have we are here in this world.
We wouldn't be here. This is sexual desire, passion, because of which we were born. Of course, Allah is the heart, but is the means
is Letona soon, to have a lineage to have progeny to have people coming Allah uses this as a parent means of people, people coming into this world. So this is, it's it's absolutely natural normal.
To have a sexual desire, passion, lust within oneself. There's nothing wrong. Don't feel guilty about it. Okay, don't feel guilty for having the desire. And also some have less, some have more.
That's absolutely normal. Just like some people have more anger, some have less anger, right? Some people are more anger, some are even created, you know, Allah is created as like that. You know, sometimes said some people are very angry by nature. And we know the people who are angry, they know themselves and yes, I really need to control myself. Because I'm very angry, I can very easily irritated very easily and some people are really cool, cool as a cucumber, you know, you can probably take some like something major for them to move even. Now, you know, some, but it's just so common, cool about situations,
different people, we will look different.
We will look different. Every human being is different from another. Allah has created all of us differently. Even our temperaments our natures both separate, some have less anger, some are more and some have more sexual passion and lust, some have less, nothing to worry about the ones that are more doesn't mean you're you somewhat bad Muslim, or worse. No, it's not like that. What
the difference is that you have to the one who was more honest,
and more easily seduced by the opposite gender. Your challenge is greater than someone who can control himself. That's what it is the one who is more angry, there's more challenge on him, he has to really control himself from being angry. And some people they just they don't really need to do that.
And Allah says different things in different people. This is Taksim division of Allah, someone, some people have less, some have more, there's nothing wrong, less less, more or less sexual passion desire.
But the responsibility for us is that we need to control it, we need to channel just like anger we need to control it. There are only certain legitimate usages of anger. You can have anger manifested in any way shape or form. Likewise, lust and the sexual passion is to be controlled. He used to be controlled and this is what Allah is saying in Surah El Camino
but a full moon Alladhina homefree Salah Sharon, the whole few verses there, those people are flat and those believers have success salvation.
Unbeknownst to him harsher on when
they don't need security for you. And then Allah says what does he know whom leave Fuji him half moon, those who preserve the private parts their modesty? Take God the chastity leaf Guruji him how we lose in our the US Virgin,
except from the spouses. There's one legitimates halaal usage. There's one area where your sexual passion can be manifested. There's only one area and this is the Islamic approach of moderation. We need to remember this. You know, there's two extremes. There's an extreme to the right. And there's an extreme to the left in some faith communities.
Yeah, be some faith classically historically, certain things. And maybe even now, without going into taking names because nowadays you've just even mentioned a name and I don't know what happens. But there's there's faith communities.
Certain faith communities you find even till today, there's one approach that lasts lust, passion, sexual desire is evil. It's wrong. It's filthy. It's sinful, it's dirty, full stop. There is no way. There is no correct way of the manifestation of your sexual desire. There's no correct way. You just have to control it. It's bad evil, full stop. That's it. You have to strive you have to struggle this way. Call Mujaddid that's what they say. In order to get close to God in order to get close to Allah proximity to God only comes by striving, struggling. You can't even do this
isn't trying to make money in some faith communities. You can't even enjoy your food just eat a bit you have this life is life of celibacy. This is what they call this is what Allah called in the Quran or bernia.
Allah says whare Bernie as anybody that are who have marketed in a hurry, this is something which is
monasticism. It's called monasticism. Rob Bernita Neubert. They invented it for themselves. They wanted to live a life of solitude. No no no no marrying no business trade, no eating no socializing mechanism, know how it went, never implemented or prescribe this for them. The Messenger of Allah and Allah Who are you sitting in the hadith of Sunova? Remember, Buddha only said no so rotta Phil Islam, the one of the main meaning of Nisargadatta is there is no celibacy and other meaning there's no leaving of Hyderabad Dasara. There is no celibacy, Turco Nikka, avoiding marriage altogether, this is not Islam. So this was an extreme to the right.
Right to the point that, you know, some of them they said, You can marry, but the husband and wife cannot even be alone in a room if you want to, if you want to meet your husband, or your wife, you can only do it in a public place.
You can't be alone. And they had nuns and monks living in monasteries. That's where it is, you know, this is an extreme approach.
Last, if you see if you see the Bible, if you see is one of the deadliest since the fourth deadly sin is called lust, right? Even even the other religions, they also consider us to be generally sinful.
So this is in something which is there is no correct way of fulfilling one's desires and needs. It's wrong simple, full stop.
You have to actually struggle and strive to get too close to God.
On the other hand, we have extreme left, which we find in today's time, where
there are no barriers, there are no conditions, there are no restrictions in how you fulfill your desires. We live in a time where you a person is allowed to fulfill his or her needs, sexual needs and desires in any way, shape, or form, without any conditions, without any contracts without any marriage in any way, with whoever, whether your own gender or another gender, or whatever. It doesn't even have to be human nowadays.
I keep the whole close ones with those things. I mean, in any way showing, you see, it's ridiculous when society is going to in any way, whoever whatever people fulfill their desires. I mean, you should know that you must know with not even humans, with animals with dead bodies, there's within the family, sometimes this can go on, there is no restriction sometimes with force without force, sometimes through through oppression, rape, and all these things, sexual crimes that take place. And we know we always hear in the news, the sexual conduct in Islam says this has been an assault on musta been middleweight the module two in the middle of
God acknowledges that you have a sexual desire. Allah knows He created you, he knows that this desire needs to be fulfilled. Because if you go to the right extreme, you are challenging the fitrah of Allah, you are challenging what Allah wanted. And whenever you go against the natural way that Allah has created, you always end up you always end up in chaos and anarchy in the society. And that happened. But those people who stayed away from marriage, and they thought that they were able to control themselves, most of them could not the so many cases they could not behind closed those also substance will be committed. Why? Because it's natural. You tell someone you can't fulfill your
desire is unnatural, because that's how Allah created a human being. And on the other hand, the other extreme as well. We find today that's unnatural as well. How many children do not know more than 50% of children in America? Right? I don't know what the percentage is here. Maybe the same of children. newborn children do not have a clue who the father is there another they don't know who the father I mean, that's a crime. Not just a crime in terms of fornication, but oppression crime towards the son or the daughter, the child. Imagine, I mean that you grow up and you don't know who your father is. Your first right has been taken away as a human being. That's a inhumane act, and
that's a crime to another human being.
There's so many because they grow they don't know.
Why, because of all these liberal, you know, tendencies towards sexuality, that you can fulfill your desires in any way, shape, or form. Islam says the Middle Way
In the Middle Way, this is Islamic position, Islamic stance. I definitely honeymoon and then Allah says well Lavina only for regime have we ruined. This is the middle of Illa Allah is watching him only only through a valid
marriage a valid Halal Rica, which brings two people close to one another. There's a spiritual bond and link that ALLAH SubhanA, dialer, places and attaches to the union that takes place through the union, Africa and marriage.
Without that, it's the there's no Baraka in it. And we see all the problems.
So there is no rahmanir in Islam, there is no services. There is no
celibacy, there is no leaving of marriage. Islam says this is the halal way other than that, all the Haram ways before marriage, and even after marriage, all the halal ways the Haram ways we have to avoid this is the only only suddenly Allah said in the Quran what are Takara Zina
right. Brothers This is what Xena Allah says Don't forget for vacation do not even come close to vacation. What are the caribou lotta caribou Zina don't even smell it? Run away a mile away from it. This is all explanation that's not the translation. run a mile away from it. Versus Lanta caribou Zina, don't even approach it.
Don't even come close to it.
A woman What are you doing there to deliver to Imran Hadith. A woman is trying to you know speak to you in a very flirtatious way or a brother is trying to manage trying to flirt with you run away. Just stop him versus they would rather trust you to stop him.
Just Just Just go away from just do not if you think something might happen. And that's you have to you have to control yourself. And if somebody cannot control themselves, then just get married. Don't wait.
You know, I just actually gave a whole weekend course. Last weekend I was five in England. I was in Oslo, Norway.
Friday to Sunday, Saturday, Sunday, we had a federal marriage and divorce course. And they were using the university University of Oslo. There's a lot of people who have 150 people who came for the whole course.
And the main question, and the main thing that was coming up because I really focus in the beginning, a do not wait around to get married as a parents and to be told as well. That there's too many cultural practices, too many self imposed restrictions. We live in a climate in a time, there's a lot of fitna, it's very difficult in this day and age. In this day and age to avoid sin. It's very, very difficult. I can understand, especially in universities, I'm not trying to justify, but I can stand right. When I don't study in UCL for Imperial or whatever. Right. There's no women there. So I know it's very difficult for you, I can stand here and tell you know, just feel alone. It is
very difficult. It is very there are a lot of temptations out there. You're in the midst of a lot of trial and tribulation. But that's that's the challenge. That is the challenge.
The more difficult, the greater the reward. But yeah, so I focused a lot on marriage. Don't wait, don't learn all the self imposed restrictions, cultural restrictions. Those Those I remember sister asked the question, she was a Moroccan sister. And she's 16. And after that she was going to be 17. She said, is it too early for me to get married? So no.
She really wants to get married.
I remember just just on Sunday,
I really focused as a get married at night. Don't wait, don't wait. You don't have to graduate. You don't have to because you know the type of financial things we have in our heads and minds. But there was a Palestinian brother used to be a good friend of mine. And I was studying in Syria. And he's telling me that it's so difficult to marry here in Syria, places like that. Because there's nobody will give you the daughter unless you don't have the keys, key to a car, key to your house and key to your business.
Number one, dowry extortion. These are all self imposed restrictions. You can't get married until your great grandfather doesn't come back from Punjab.
Uncle has to come
from India or whatever. People have to have to wait for the home. We look at the time the Sahaba the Messenger of Allah and Allah and he said,
How was the Allah companion? He saw he didn't see we saw him with a yellow stain on his clothes. He said, Oh, what's this yellow color? So Oh, last week I got married. And I played some perfumes partisan effects in the fragrance. So you can imagine?
So I believe I should have breakfast.
It's like that seriously? That's on the side.
Other and he said, Oh, but he never even complained. The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not complain. He never said, Oh, you didn't call me? Yeah, like something monetarism stuff that Allah commanded. Where's my invitation? Did I call you when I was having breakfast? No.
It's just a simple Susan. That's what Muslims vote on merits simplicity, no restrictions, no conditions simple as possible. People, this is how people are satisfied. Parents make it difficult. We live in a time when things are made difficult on young people. And as long as you fulfill your desires in the best of ways and the 100 ways and it's a natural desire, it's difficult to control it. So then get married in a halal way along with his Baraka.
A lot of this will occur but outside of marriage, don't even get close to fornication. Allah says what are Takara Musina? Anything that leads to it? Anything that leads to it what was in the hookah Heisha it's evil. And then Allah says was served as a builder. It opens the doors to other things. That is the only thing is the
event. The person does not even remain a moment when he's at a turning point in case anything that even takes you to fornication needs to be avoided.
There's always slumps before marriage as well. You cannot before marriage. Death is out of the question.
For Muslims, dating and having a
you know, illicit relationship, even if you don't do not, even if you do not go all the way to actual illegal sexual intercourse. Even to the point that Islam says casting a lustful gaze, casting a lust for gays talking about lust for gays, right? As a member of the opposite gender is clearly condemned and
fully meaning year old do men have sorry? Why I follow Fuji? Colin more minutes? Yeah, I mean, upside him further. Now what would you tell the believing men to lower the gaze and preserve the modesty tele believing women to lower the gaze, because it leads to one thing leads to another, you know, once there'll be a look and there'll be a smile, and there'll be in the bedroom or somewhere you know, sorry, a look and then a smile and then in the coffee shop, right? And then maybe the library
and then in the bedroom.
One thing leads to another you know for a fact one thing is to know that this is this is how we have been created. You know the sexual the sexual instinct is the weakest instinct of the human being and chiffon knows that they please say to know that this is what this guy can slip. The attack is on the sexual instinct. It's the most easiest way people of piety have slept.
People who've been living a life of righteousness of religiosity, people who've been practicing God fearing people, there are places in history where this sexual instinct Ascender just made them slip and they went far away from the path of shelter No, knows you knows knows the game. He knows our weaknesses. It's very it's one of the greatest weaknesses we have. Especially in this time so before marriage, just avoid it completely. Listen you know Allah Sandra Quran, fear Allah, this fear of Allah. You know, the time of marriage, we are reminded of Taqwa. The struggle has to be before marriage at the time of marriage, even after before marriage specifically as well. Don't think to
yourself, oh, no, no, let me just mess around right now. Because I'll tell you one thing, and I've said this on a lot of occasions, once you get a habit of messing around the habitual remain with you until your six year old Buddha, no good idea.
Until your six year old man, you're a chef chef. bikepacking means an old man in Arabic, but we use international whatever. But literally speaking linguistically che one in Shanghai to shake means Lola Manchester means an old woman
that we use it for Imams and people. It's just just a terminology. There's no standard terminology, whatever, like in different places, different countries, people use different terms, whatever. But
you if you if we do not sort ourselves out before marriage, that remains a habit even after marriage. That's why it's highly important. Now if you want to get married before marriage, at least six, seven months a year before just make Toba repent, live a life of six months to a year of chastity.
Live a life of chastity then get into marriage. Because if you get into marriage on the back of unlawful things that you've done, and I'm not just talking about Zina and fornication, but I'm talking about anything that leads to it and anything that's related to it, from Casper lustful gazes to whatever all the things that we know people do sometimes in privacy, right and
Anything, all of the things if we do not control ourselves before marriage, that after marriage, that's why we have problems in marriages. I speak to people on a regular basis. But men specifically who have had habits before marriage carries on into the marriage. And somehow apparently looking, they're practicing, apparently, externally, but they've got these habits in privacy that they've been doing before marriage. I mean, I've spoken so many women, either wives or children.
And those habits are not dying, they cannot control the habits. Because there was no talk about before the fear of Allah before marriage. Before I remember, you know, these relationships, they don't work before marriage, they don't work. Without a doubt. It's not going to insist that first of all, for the sisters don't get diluted and deceived into brothers you want to marry you know, that. Just, if you marry me,
you won't have a relationship, you're just not suitable anyway. You're gonna do this today, when I'm married, you prefer
to have it right now you'll be married to him. And after five years, he's gonna do that with someone else. I know, hundreds of cases. And I speak to people on a regular basis that I have a six to eight phone number people call me on a regular basis. Emails, have a q&a website on a regular basis. This is one of the mainstream problems. marital problems are the biggest problems in our society. Everywhere in the West. divorces are on the high on the rise everywhere in the West. When I was in Toronto, they were telling me that one in four Muslim marriages end up in divorce in Canada, one in four.
It's a big problem. One of the reasons is because of what we see in front of the fitna.
So if he's doing that with you today, then he is not suitable to remote us crappy men tend to go he's not suitable for marriage because he's gonna carry on like this after marriage as well.
And also brothers, you know, sisters who like that things, just don't you know, do not be seduced. Control yourselves. And if you really want one to like someone's habits then get married.
Before marriage, there's some people say oh, how can you get married? If you can't if you can't date there's no feelings before marriage. You know, in Islam love only starts after marriage.
They say you know one of the chef's one of them said that they say in the West, that love is a madness that ends with marriage. We say in Islam Love is a madness not only begins with marriage, there's a hadith of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
He has a sound Hadith and Sunnah for a man with no murder. He said lamb thoroughly Motorhead veiny Mithila Nica you won't see anything that creates more love between two people like marriage, the special baraka and blessings granted by Allah before marriage, you can
you know, you cannot create feelings. It's lust before marriage is not love. It's lust and it's just you cannot get to know anyone. It's impossible. Look, I tell you, you know, you think okay, let me get to know this person, this sister, his brother, six months, you know, I want to date them. I want to find out how they are. You know, for six months for a year, it should all be artificial, but
no one's that true. So, I mean, do you live together? Are you sorry for ourselves together? Are you 24/7 together? Are you sleeping together? Are you waking up? I you know, do you see this woman like after marriage, you'll see her every time you see her the moment she wakes up with makeup without makeup the moment she's come out on the toilet, the woman you know, she's in the kitchen, she's got an apron on. She's smelling of curry, you'll see her
brother as well. You've seen on all occasions. And when you're dating, you're getting dressed for the occasion. Friday, Saturday, you know the perfume and fragrance and the brother you know he's like he's shaping or whatever. You know, trimming and
shaving but um, you know,
he's putting on you know, his nice best gear and this and that and he's trying to impress and then he comes and picks the sister up and everything and so that it's all artificial. It's just just just artificial behavior. He's not that he's not his normal self. And then he goes on you know, outside soaps, colon, probably things checking system system. You recall the train heartbreaks were magic. And then you know, opened the door for the current usage and the restaurant you know, it's good.
We didn't do that after two years. 10 years of marriage don't do that up to
one month after one month after he's been where he's been. And he's had the relationship most of nominal do that. That's what some people be your normal stuff. How you gonna be after 30 years of marriage be like that on the first year of marriage? No expectations. And then system. Wow, this brother. She's always so good at choosing so good. You know, you really, you treat me so well. And then they get married and he no longer does. What happens? He gets disappointed. She gets separated and that leads to divorce.
So I don't have any expectations. That's why dating
will never you will never, never get to know someone because you're not living with them. You're not You're not living 24/7 You're not sharing everything and anything, you're not going to buy nappies together, you don't pay the bills together.
Seriously, this is reality of life. Whereas what does Islam say? Find out everything about the not through them. But through third party, you can meet them have a meeting, attraction and things like that. But then do investigation and research and concluding show but do investigation or research through people find out all the qualities or the attributes, or the negatives or the positives, do as much research as you can from third party sources, whether he's angry with and is not angry when she is someone who's always fighting carding and bickering with everyone. Is he a jealous person? Is she a jealous woman? Does she always back by the show because she will fight or she is someone
that's really clean hearted and just is very simple, clean hearted, doesn't have no grudges towards anybody. You can find this out from third party sources and that will keep maintain your marriage that will help the marriage so before marriage, we have to be very careful. Know Allah says what has occurred. Even caspo let's forget casting loss for gazes and all the other sins that we know. Right? We need to control ourselves. We need to take the means I'm going to end with this look at the story of use of piecemeal he took that means one hour that will let you off the bat and one hour that will let the who of you by the HA
you know the one whose house PBT Anastasia the master and she was the wife of the the king of missile.
She seduced him. She tried she wanted to have an unlawful illicit relationship with nobody in the house.
she locked bolted the doors locked. We're gonna go on a woman here now. And she was new ordering woman shoes. Again Emirati Jamal, that to Germany wants, she was beautiful as well as she was
Princess, the Queen to the Queen.
And she laughed at us
as she wanted to
have an unlawful illicit sexual relationship with him. What did he say? Allah ma de la said it I take refuge in protection.
And then in the Quran, he ran says
you know, he ran through the doors he did whatever was his in his, you know,
the doors were locked. The use of what do you do? He never thought himself the look, the doors are locked. If I go there, what's going to happen anyway, she will come there.
Right? He never thought that he ran to the doors he did what was in his means. He knows that look, I can run from here to that from the front of my hands. Then I leave it to Allah. He ran to the doors he did what was in his capability. This means left the rest of Allah, Allah opened the doors automatically. He kept on running and the doors are being open shot to put him in the back or the mean nobody is holding the Quran in the story of us. So we have to this is a challenge. You have to try our best when it says And another question in this topic we can carry on and on and on. But we just got a head here and shoulder