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Parenting

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Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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But anyway, time is short. So this I've made this abridged because the full parenting course I have. It's part one and part two, because we just have one hour here. So only part two I'm going to talk about part one actually start from before childbirth. If I just tell you before childbirth, pregnancy, you know do ours. What to do during pregnancy what a woman should and wife should think about what she should eat, how should she spend pregnancy, all the rules of pregnancy and halal food and pure food and all these type of things, then lose but we have some things about miscarriage and childbirth. Congratulation giving gifts location of birth of delivery, Syrian birth, natural birth

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post shot one after the other when the loss after childbirth was sooner than danique shaving the head. Coach is Asana naming the child that's a really I'm just giving you the headings. naming the child is a really important topic naming the child we need a 1520 minute discussion on the fact of naming the child because right now in this day and age, everyone thinks what's the most unique that never nobody's ever heard that even though it sounds the meaning is like absolutely ridiculous. Some crazy names people have. So what is the effect and then another thing is everyone a lot of people think that anything that sounds Arabic is an Islamic name.

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It isn't anything that sounds Arabic boys in Arabic doesn't become Islamic name. Islamic name is something else Arabic naming something else you could have in Arabic, and you say chumps, but it's the same as saying son shamsuddin son, so it doesn't mean if you say in English, that's that's not a good name. You say chumps. hamdulillah is a very good name is the same thing. Okay, so we have to it's hard to keep your son's name no problem. But there's a better name than shops you want to call him son, Su n son, I'm saying not so and that's fine as well. So there's a whole theory behind naming of children.

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Okay, and then we have an update on circumcision, breastfeeding, all these type of things, which we're not going to discuss here because we're talking about practical parenting and training but in part two, so this is when you already have children and then all the way

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to raising them and when they grow up, and reach a level of being married off. So

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hamdulillah

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you know, Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us this great gift. Children we have to first and foremost realize that our great gift that Allah has given us and that's why the first part here is good treatment.

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Okay, good treatment.

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If all our doesn't grant anyone children as well, then, of course, everyone longs for children, but never lose hope, in the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala never become despondent, even though it's difficult. This is all in the power of Allah subhanaw taala he says in the Quran himself, we are habitually mania show in other human personality will.

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You have bulimia show? In other words?

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Are we use the visual home the Khurana will enter a wager aluminio show akima in Parliament. It's Allah who creates everything, everything belongs to Allah subhanaw taala. Some people he gives male children, some people it gives female children and some he gives male and female and some he keeps them parent. What is is saying that it's absolutely normal for someone to have some only boys. And it is just like it is normal to have children. It is normal to have only boys and it is normal to have only girls. And it is normal to have both and it is normal to have no children.

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From

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the Quranic perspective, it's absolutely normal. There is no defect, it doesn't mean there's a disease. Someone doesn't have children. There's something wrong. No, it's normal. It's like Allah has given some person an area of children. Some person hasn't got this now but might have another erema It's normal. So but of course we want an error so we can make to our and that's where the profits made to our Ibrahim alayhis salam did not lose hope in the mercy of Allah and in his old age, some of the Mufasa road mentioned like he was nearly 100 when he was granted children and the Korea peace be upon him as well in old age, and it's you know, luck and grandchildren whenever he

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wants, but it's not a defect. And definitely not black magic or something like that. The problem in our in UK is that every problem that occurs in a person's life, say her black magic, and there's hundreds of people who are there. fraudsters who are there waiting to make money

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From weak and vulnerable people when we you know, when we are weak and we've got problems in life will turn and run to anyone who's going there to help. There's so many it's a multi million pound or dollar industry of making money through Sahara alarge and remedies and this and that it's a million pound business. And it's the greatest business in which there's great sorry it's a business in which the most fraud takes place on planet Earth.

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So obviously this I don't have time to go into this, but just be very very careful. I tell people a lot about this to me I need good 1520 minutes to discuss this but honestly don't waste your money. I was giving you money massages and things like that spending on your own self spending on your children but don't waste waste your money on these eyelash stuff. You know, no other thing is also there's a lot of what happened like it becomes an illness any problem you know once you get into this your problems until Yokoyama will never be solved, because it's a mental problem. There's a woman spoon used to fall in the kitchen and she thinks someone sitting in Punjab or Hyderabad or

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somewhere sitting doing black magic for anything glass.

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See, this is bad luck. And this, especially our sisters, they can very easily affected by this they run to this person and that person and this Babu and this Elijah and this remedy and they go back to India or Pakistan or whatever, whichever part of the world they come from and there's people making millions of pounds. And it's me Yes, yes, something's there's a gin there's a black magic. Half the time is a mental health problem. And there's no gene.

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There's psychiatric treatment is mental health issues we need to be intelligent Muslims, Muslims sometimes we become unintelligent we lose you know has given us a call something's not clear why why we you know, don't use our alcohol. So I'm sure you guys are intelligent and but we shouldn't be gullible.

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not let anyone in take advantage of us in so therefore, a lot of times people think like just two weeks ago, there was somebody saying I don't have children and someone saying that someone was not happy with your marriage and jealous and they're doing black magic, and that's why you can't have children. I said Allah says in the Quran, Yabu Michelle akima alarmist, there's so many people who lead us and give children

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Why does he have to be and there's no proof to accuse someone of black magic with categorical without categorical proof in itself is a sin.

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And these people tell you I know who's done it. This one This one Where's your proof? This is Bhutan. As a major sin, you need four witnesses who see with their own eyes the person doing black magic, clearly and you know is doing on this person, then you can prove it and that this person some person sitting somewhere through his magic or whatever papers and just Yeah, okay, you've got gin now. Someone's done something. Okay. Now, I am the one who telling you what the illness is. And I'm the one who's going to do the remedy and I'm the one who's gonna charge you.

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Anyway, I know a lot of these people how they work, etc. They use so many tricks they'll tell you about you they'll know is how did you know? They've got all the tricks in the world to know how did they know? So many checks out? I just mentioned one. There's one. One such person. He has people who work they share their money, they go to the masjid they talk to people and you tell them their problems or I know somebody who's really good at this problem. Go to him he's already told him this person can come and this is the problem.

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And there was another place where the secretary you go you sit with him and he's just writing Okay, what's your issues? Okay, this is the issue and it's good as a secret Mike from there to the person inside and his listening to everything and this person just sitting here Okay, this is your problem. Okay, take a seat. And then

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time will comes Okay brother go inside and see the whoever the chef is.

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And he says Look at his eyes.

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This this is wrong with you. This is wrong with you. This is wrong with you. How does he know? But only Allah knows

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he's been listening.

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So anyway, I don't want to get off topic but I can talk about a lot because I've spoken on this quite a bit.

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So

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I don't know it's okay. So therefore, let's look at a lot of given children we need to value children children are a gift from Allah Most High given as a trust among to parents, as such at the outset is important to realize their worth or not consider them as a burden. appreciating the value and status will enable parents to fulfill their other rights. This is where it starts from valuing children

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This is when we want to make therapy and bring up our children the first point is this. Consider children to be a near Amma a gift from Allah subhanaw taala number one, number two

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Children are a Amana trust. Allah has given children as an Amana. Just like you give somebody as a trust I give you you know, my phone, can you please have a look after it, and we say, Okay, I need to look after it, I can't drop it, I need to give it back to children or a man from Allah subhanho wa Taala

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everything that's coming later on after this is based on this.

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If we consider children to be an AMA from Allah, and Amanda from Allah, we appreciate and we don't take them as a burden.

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Because sometimes people get frustrated, children are troubling you or you know, so Who told you to bring children and who told you get married, if you got married, then now that's your responsibility your was giving you this, you got married, and you did whatever you wanted to do. And if you bought the children in the world, now, this is you have to you have to take time out and you have to appreciate and you can't you say okay, I want children and then I can't tolerate children anymore.

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If you want children, then you have to go through subpar and patience and there are great gift from Allah subhanaw taala. So the first point is

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appreciating the value they you know, like the value in order to

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really appreciate them.

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Everything starts from there. So when you have children, young children, always we should the parents should remind themselves that this is an AMA from Allah, this is a great gift from Allah, I have to really value and appreciate them.

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And if we do that, then all the other

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aspects of their rights will we will able to fulfill if we have this valuation in our in our mind.

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So that's the first point.

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Remember the under this title, remember we said this is good treatment, this is the main heading, good treatment, and then valuing children. These are subcategories under good treatment.

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And because of I've divided this into first, good treatment, and then there's some other headings, but this is under good treatment. And then we'll come to tarbiyah

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part of the good treatment, expressing love and affection, one of the foremost rights of children. Is that

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is that they are

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is that our treated yeah, I forgot that they they're sorry. One of the most foremost rights of children is that they are treated with love, affection, mercy, kindness and empathy. So I could never emphasize this enough. Never be stingy. And I'm sure you are not hamdulillah. But just this is a reminder for myself and for you. Never be stingy or miserly in expressing your love for your children. Never.

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There's nothing there's never This is something that you can never give enough.

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extreme amount of love. I will talk about discipline etc. And even that is based on love. But this is sometimes some parents some they fail to express because they don't have this. They've never expressed this you know that introverts, but you have to change children, our children from a young age, they need love, they need affection, they need mercy, they need empathy, they need these things. If they don't find it at home,

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then they go outside and try to find it with friends. And then when they find it with friends, then they go in wrong companies and then whatever they do they do you know they end up in the wrong places. If we as parents make sure that there's no this is not empty in their life. Look, love, affection, similar things.

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Mercy is slightly different.

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This is showering them with mercy Rama, okay. kindness and empathy. Empathy is like

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listening to their concerns. Your your child fell down and scraped his knee for example. So you're there giving empathy sympathy, okay? It's okay. spoil them a bit. No problem, especially when the young age 780 they, they need this.

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What's that what I'm looking for?

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They want

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you know, we say that they're looking for

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Attention, attention.

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Like the wives. wives want attention. Like yesterday, I was talking with a marriage talk. Women want attention. children want attention, and men have to give it no problem and inshallah when we grow older

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Then the children will give you attention because this is it. This is what happens we become children Holla Holla Holla bakuman Botha Magellan by the coton

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Shiva This is what happens

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you know when we're young, we have children we need affection all of this when we grow old then the parents become like children. You see our older parents they asked for so much attention this is normal when they get to 70 at a small something I've got flu I've got this and this is hurting and my back is hurting and this and they want the children to just call mom dad you know, okay, yeah, they just want attention from the children

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this is this is the this is how Allah makes you know, it's you start from and you end up like the same way in the middle we have a few years where we think would control the world.

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Anyway has another topic. So

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give them all of this all your child needs is your love. Children do not look. Children do not care about what they wear, what brand they have what car parents drive what career parents have. This is not we see we've misunderstood what empathy love kindness is.

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Okay, what Korea per the size of the house, they just want to be loved. Your seven year old child doesn't look at the size of the house, your eight year old. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider that. But this is not what they want. Like this is not this is not the basis. You could live in a small hut and give them love they're happy.

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This is a very fundamental point. I just want to explain this briefly. We many parents make a mistake when we say love affection kindness, we think it's in materialistic things.

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Yes, we'll have to give them no time. Nothing no love expression here money toys, buy whatever you want. I've done my job

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is give them I don't have no time I'm working. I have no time. I'm traveling the world. I have no time. No time to sit with you. And we make them happy by this. Okay, what do you want buy buy, buy, buy, buy buy enough money buy? That's my love and kindness affection. completely wrong.

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This is not materialistic. There's actually been research done on this.

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Many years ago in UK I was listening to this talk show or another radio. They did a there was a survey. They did a research in England they did a survey they went to school, many schools across the country.

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And they spoke to eight to 10 year old children. They asked them what's the one thing tell us that makes you the happiest in your life? What makes you happy?

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Some people some people give different answers toys or my dad give me days when my mom or whatever. majority and this was a good percentage majority 70 80% of young children eight to 10 they said the thing that makes us happiest is when in the whole day when the whole family once in a day mother for the mummy Daddy, all of us we all sit together over a meal and eat together and talk that makes us the happiest.

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one meal a day is minimum honestly, any family one meal as a family is minimum a day. If you can't do one meal then I think we're losing the real you know, like we're missing the point.

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We think we're working for them but then we were busy building a house but not to home. So problem.

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Your real home is relationships as a family you have to have at least one meal at least where like we'll talk about it you know the gadgets etc we'll come to that but I'll just mention this here where you have at least an hour together as a family where there's no distraction. What do I mean by distraction? I have this rule in my house and this will come later on this time should I want to move fast but we have I have like one and a half hours technology free zone in my house. And I'm the first one I have to my phone is not silent it's switched off and gone over the table somewhere

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everyone children there's no tablets there's no games there's no computers nobody's phone No mom that nobody for one and a half hours technology freedom.

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There's only one you know house phone which that's on if some emergency somebody wants to call you to come and pick that up. But everything's off.

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laptops, computers, if you have televisions, whatever, completely off don't watch the news or anything. talk.

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Talk physically with your wife. This is awesome husband wives, brother sisters talk you know have you know the real relationships people used to have. This is why you know in the subcontinent 10 many years ago families were together

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Because people used to have real relationships you have a such a beautiful country i mean i'm just this area I've just come and seen Mashallah such greenery in the summer it's beautiful. We don't have this nevermind the UK. In the UK if you come it's a small place and narrow narrow streets if you want to go something like this we have to travel somewhere you know if space spacious homes you know driving beautiful you know family, you sit in the gardens, amazing as a family.

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So, therefore,

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parents, it's not about what you know, cars, parents drive etc. They just want to be loved. Give a lot Express, I am saying he express love and affection.

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Sometimes we love but we don't express it. Don't be stingy, express it.

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Children crave for love, empathy and guidance. If they don't find it at home, they will seek it elsewhere. I've already mentioned this. They crave for someone to give them attention. Look regularly say to your child things like I love you. This is expression.

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seat.

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There's nothing wrong say to your child, I love you, you know, express it, you matter. All these words, watch your child burst with self worth, they'll feel important.

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With this, they will learn to appreciate themselves and others. And finally, here, address your child with terms of affection and endearment such as my beloved how you call your children. This is actually the son of Gambia if you look in the Quran, yeah. buena buena, buena for father as your ability. Yeah, but the limited Ibrahim peace report him called his father. But if you see in the Quran, so many places. Yeah, bonetto Lumumba wide Lumina Bhagavata. farrakhan Yeah, yeah, vanilla villa.

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So this is a it's, you know, when children hear this, they have the names, but give them you know, like,

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call them with

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words of love an expression. There was this one chef from the subcontinent who said, after his mother passed away, he would go and visit another chef.

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He said, I come to his house for two, two reasons. One is that there's lots of books and this is my friend and is a big chef, because they were both great chefs. And I come to see him and we learn I come to learn from him and discuss some issues of Deen. And the second reason I come is because and they were I think cousins as well. This other chef who was Mufti Shafi Rahim Allah, his mother used to call him and this is this. Some of you may have heard of him. I'll mention his name. He was from Pakistan. allama Shapira handles money. So he used to say this he was known as [???]hole Islam. He was one of the people who actually was in the forming of Pakistan right in the beginning.

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So he was known as Shahada Islam the whole world is calling him [???]hole Islam and this and that and alhama is written books shut off Sahih Muslim in Arabic, but he says I used to go special This is when he's the whole world caused me all sorts of titles. I don't have a mother to call me beta. So this is I go to specially to move to Sheffield grandma's house that his mother is the only one who calls me didn't call me share her llama betta Camila son, my beloved Son, I come specially to listen to that. Because the look and the pleasure you get in someone calling you you know better you don't get that anywhere. Even when you grow old. So what about young people? So this is very very

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important address them with love and affection.

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And when we do that, you will see that the child

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the child's heart get soft and is more readily

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more ready to accept naseeha

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with love if you tell if you tell them

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expressive This is continuation of expressing love and affection These are just some points kiss your children regularly embrace them I'll show you some of these things are repetitive

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Is there a clock on the opposite side? There's no clock here.

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You need anyone from darussalam we need a clock

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yeah well

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there's reason Okay, then I don't know but like you know when when for a speaker speaking even yesterday I was thinking my time but then I'm looking on the wall down there because what time do I have to Yeah, this is good

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because I don't have to keep on looking at my phone

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because then I know exactly because you mentally you know because we're gonna have to finish by around 12 so therefore

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kiss your children regularly and embrace hug them with the intention of acting upon the Sunnah of Allah's Messenger sallallahu Sallam Look, listen, this is such important. This is another important aspect. This sooner is sometimes forgotten.

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I will say one thing here, all of this we do that because we love our children. But more so in Islam We do this because to make Allah happy and it's a sunnah of Allah's Messenger Salallahu alaihe salam, you get rewarded.

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You know, there was one chef, he said that look, everything we should do

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for the sake of Allah with the intention of fulfilling the Sunnah and you will be rewarded. So this is I do, I've trained myself. When I go to my house after I've come back from work, I open the door. I know who doesn't want you have young children eight year old 10 year old first and you want to go inside the house you want to hug kiss embrace your children, more than even your wife or your husband. Yes. You know, people say when you get children you forget your husband and your wife.

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People ask me that you travel a lot, you know, is it difficult as the only thing I miss my children more than anything? So when you go inside the house, you want to embrace them and kiss them. He said what I do is I wait outside the house. And I make I think in my mind

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I'm going to do that anyway. But this is a son of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he used to pick up children kiss his children show love this. And then I go and do it. The whole act becomes an act of a bother.

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Just the change of perspective, our Deen is all about changing perspective. Everything so kiss them regularly. And this is great sooner sometimes some people they actually neglect this one.

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I've seen this

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a lot in the Arab community.

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The art community have a no Mashallah the kissing sooner is there and with the children as well. No kissing on the forehead kissing on the hands kissing on the cheek or whatever, you know, they, they, they kiss quite a bit if you look in our community, different parts of the Arab world.

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The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, there's a hadith when even after his daughter grew up Fatima radi Allahu Allah when she was married with Caesar Ali even have a polyp. radi Allahu anhu when the messenger sallallahu Sallam used to go and visit her, she used to stand up for him and come to the door, kiss his hands and take him inside the house was the lesser, lesser who Allah mecanica her place where she sits at home, make him sit there and vice versa when I fought him out of the law and I used to visit a laws messenger sallallahu sallam, he would stand up for his daughter, come to the door, embrace her, hold her by the hand and kiss her and make her sit in his place. This is a

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hadith

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and his grandchildren, the messenger Salallahu alaihe salam used to kiss Hassan and Hussein regularly once he was he kissed and there was a person caught up in Hobbes. He said O Messenger of Allah in nearly Ashura, I have 10 of these mockable to worry them in Hola. I have 10 of these are not kissed one of the not even one of them. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said midlayer Hamlet Hamza, you're someone doesn't show mercy and you will not be shown mercy in another place somebody so the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kissing not just his own children, young children. This is not just our own children.

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Honestly make a habit give love to children. Come in the masjid when a child comes to you know meet you kiss their hands. No problem kiss kiss them. This is this is a Sunnah show them love.

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So the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to kiss children. So one villager he saw the messenger sallallahu alayhi Salaam he said inoculum Taka balloonist? Sabina come like do you guys kiss your children?

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We don't do that. So allows messenger messenger said aloha Addison, and he said, Oh Malik and naza la hora with them in pelvic stone. My problem What can I do? Oh, I'm like, that's the translation like, what can I do? It's not my fault, not my problem that Allah has taken away Rama from your heart and compassion from your heart that you guys don't have compassion in your heart. Another Allah Ramadan COVID. So it's very important to kiss them. Stand up for them. This is a Sunnah of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, befriend your children with limits and occasionally participate with them in playing sports and games. This is another thing they want friendship as

00:29:25--> 00:29:59

well. I'm sure some of the young parents do that. You've got nice gardens here, play whatever play with them take part. Go to places and play games with them. Doesn't mean like when you grow up that no I can't play with them. No, no, no parents should play with them. play games with them. It doesn't matter how big person you are. Or how big chef you become. I go to I'm not a chef, a big show anything but I handle I have made sure that I I don't take them to the park and I play soccer with them. You know? I have just one son, one daughter and we Sunday morning sometimes

00:30:00--> 00:30:31

One hour I'll make sure play and teach him how to play soccer. So that is important I sit down just before when I came back when I came here on Thursday night the night before when they were sleeping both of them again I had a game with them at home you know before the night because I was going to go the next day to spend like good two hours play different different games we had this you know this table soccer thing so I let them win Of course, but sometimes I train my son and let him lose because before the first time is to lose his couldn't take it as you need to learn how to lose as well in life.

00:30:32--> 00:30:44

So I made him lose a few times now he's able to do suffer of losing. Otherwise, it's like every he lost the first time and is getting angry. Why did I lose? I see. In life you lose sometimes you win sometimes.

00:30:45--> 00:31:03

So all these things, play at home, spend time games with them. Whatever different different games, if they're playing halaal good computer game, you don't take pause you become one player, your son becomes other player play no problem. inshallah with the right intention, you can reward This is also

00:31:05--> 00:31:30

this is not worldly activity. This is not worldly in Islam. Alhamdulillah. Allah has given a dean that nothing's worldly activity. Everything's been everything's Dean, as long as you make the intention, right. I remember last year, not this year. April. I was in New York this year. But last year, in April, I'm in New York as well. I had a talk at St. John's University. So the students there, they made the title of the talk balance between Dean and dunia.

00:31:31--> 00:32:08

How do you balance between our dunia University and Dean? I gave a talk I said this title is I went there I knew this was a title and I wanted them to keep it so then I go and explain. I said this poster this title is actually wrong title. Who told you this is the title should be balanced between one aspect of Deen and another aspect of the masjid is one aspect of the universities another aspect of the this is not dunya this is what they think oh westerling this is dunya dunya I said no being a medic is not dunya being a doctor is not dunya this great rewards in being a doctor. It's an errata you make an intention.

00:32:09--> 00:32:18

Then every every day you're doing a bother. You're going to work that's a bother. But anyway, that's another topic we can talk about that some other time. So I

00:32:20--> 00:32:31

was saying playing sports with them games. This is also also novellas messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. This is also the Sunnah of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he used to play the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:32:32--> 00:33:17

used to play with the children. There's incidents mentioned that in the Muslim Ummah he used to line up children now this imagine who is this? This is not just some shade or allama or Mufti or prime minister or president This is a mural of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam he used to go to the head he says Can I You're so full Abdullah will obey the law cathedra min Benny labas he used to make all these children stand on the line the children of granola bars and Abdullah and obey the law and many others and then used to stand for and then used to say, Man sadhaka la Fela hookah Okay, let's have a raise. And let's see who gets to me first. Whoever reaches me first, then I'll give him this gift.

00:33:17--> 00:33:25

And they used to all run to face be coup de la jolla. Una la he was sorry, he needs to fall on his back on his neck on his head.

00:33:26--> 00:33:31

This is Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam just imagine it's like stuff alone. You know my scarf is gonna get

00:33:33--> 00:33:33

messy give our

00:33:34--> 00:33:43

children no no Don't touch me. This is not the sort of pseudo loss in any sense. He would visit the children and make Salaam to them first.

00:33:45--> 00:33:59

William Sahu Rue song he would give Salaam first not child you go to the child and give him Salaam first. Somebody asked the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said I have a very harsh heart. What can I do? He said loosen the uttama

00:34:00--> 00:34:07

wipe the head Put your head pressure head on place your hand on the head of your team orphaned children and remove harshness from your heart.

00:34:08--> 00:34:42

So this is this is a very important part as well to play with them actively not and play with them actively not passively. Once you are glued to your email, laptop or favorite show on TV. This is the point you're playing with them but Okay, you got and this happens it's happened to me as well. You know children are very attentive, very attentive. They know if you're not giving attention. Yes, I've done this once or twice but you know, I don't do it anymore. Because my son like his is about his now he's eight is about six years old. I remember. I'm playing with him and but then just one text message or something's come looking or something.

00:34:43--> 00:34:47

I'm not playing I'm going what's what's happened? Because you're looking at your phone. I'm not playing.

00:34:48--> 00:35:00

You're looking at your phone. I Sorry, sorry. Sorry. I know my mistake. I put the phone away. I shouldn't have looked at my phone. He knows. I'm not playing with you let you play with me. You know, never ignore your

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

Children if they're talking to you and we're looking,

00:35:03--> 00:35:15

he said three times he said something to you or she said something to you, and we're busy with our phone. That's one of the worst things we can do. Don't even know. Pay and nowadays husband wives ignore one another.

00:35:16--> 00:35:17

Because when you talk to your wife

00:35:19--> 00:35:20

and she was on a WhatsApp

00:35:21--> 00:35:22

you said second time

00:35:24--> 00:35:29

Listen, what's going on just glue to WhatsApp. WhatsApp is a big problem, especially for our sisters.

00:35:31--> 00:35:58

Sisters are glued to the WhatsApp, you know, because they like talking sisters. So this is a good you know, talking chit chat up hamdulillah. But we need to minimize that. Honestly, time is so short, especially our sisters. I know you like talking but you know, try to minimize it. Some things you don't need to be part of groups. What are you doing? Oh, good. Now I've just I woke up now what's going on?

00:36:00--> 00:36:05

What are you cooking? Today's pizza biryani arise How much is this?

00:36:06--> 00:36:10

You know the conversation that takes place in two hours was

00:36:11--> 00:36:15

with messaging if you picked up the phone, you could have spoken about that in 10 minutes.

00:36:16--> 00:36:21

You know there's one message another message message message message five hour conversation with somebody.

00:36:22--> 00:36:37

Try this. Look at all the text. Put it together print it out. Tell two people pick the phones up. One person read from the script. How are you? I'm okay. Just read it. You know, it takes you about 20 minutes

00:36:38--> 00:36:48

to speak on the phone done Why? spend five hours text text text text text text text? Time is so precious. This is another topic so anyway.

00:36:52--> 00:37:03

Not passively was your gluteal email laptop a favorite show on TV? Avoid anger and constantly yelling scolding and swearing our children on small matters. They will begin to resent you

00:37:04--> 00:37:28

This is bad as well this we shouldn't do this. Very important that we shouldn't constantly constantly yell at them every issue yelling and scolding. disciplining is something else I'll come to that small small matters. They will begin to resent you number one, they will feel useless. Number two they will feel inferior. Sorry I

00:37:31--> 00:37:37

was mistake. Yeah, they will feel begin to resent you feel useless inferior in some cases suicidal there are cases.

00:37:39--> 00:37:59

suicidal, it's not nice. Everyday yelling, children, scolding them on small small, the messenger some small small matters allows messenger sallallahu some never lifted his hand on children never. How could he you know if Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam would never be able to he

00:38:01--> 00:38:23

would never be able to lift his hand on children. He was just what we call a gentleman. This is what we call a gentleman gentleman we've we've missed misunderstood what masculinity really is. Yesterday in the talk. I was talking about men being men. That doesn't mean that you're angry and aggressive. Some people think being a man is a show you're a man. Yeah.

00:38:24--> 00:38:30

That's not really Amanda Hadid says, Lisa shady to be Sora in a machete the lady I'm lucky enough to handle

00:38:31--> 00:38:42

the real shady, brave, like manly person is someone who is able to control himself. not angry and small, small matters. Children do that.

00:38:44--> 00:39:25

A real man is someone who is able to control you're able to control the situations. You have Helman sobor, and patience and compassionate. And that's why men should be gentle, gentle, ladies and gentlemen, Ladies, ladies and ruffman. So this is why this is very important. The messengers of Allah Hardison never raised his hand some of the scholars like this one scholar, we've mentioned a lot of people have mentioned him in this retreat. acumen oma chef, a chef and Italia Rahim Allah is a great scholar for the subcontinent, because some people don't know of him not everybody's heard of all the scholars in the world. So he was a scholar from the subcontinent of major scholar, he would

00:39:25--> 00:39:28

say in his books is written and he would generally say that

00:39:30--> 00:39:36

hitting children repeatedly and oppressing them. I don't know how this sin can be forgiven.

00:39:38--> 00:39:57

I don't know how the same can be forgiven. Because they are non believers. They haven't reached puberty 667 years old, they are not even a help. They don't even have the knowledge or the capability to forgive you because they're not at that level. Allah knows best how the sin will be forgiven. So it's very important

00:39:59--> 00:40:00

those children

00:40:00--> 00:40:40

whose parents treat them badly they actually then this happens they actually will become they will feel useless inferior this inferiority complex will set in my parents always don't keep on I think I mentioned this but if you keep on telling talking to him negatively you're like this you're like that you're like this. You're like that. Don't feel inferior that thing. Yeah, I am useless. They're gonna do something outside. They'll do something bad and bad. Anyway, my dad has been telling me every day that you're useless Anyway, my brother's good. I'm useless. So what more useless thing hamdulillah that's that's how they think. Like me, I'm useless anyway. So scolding swearing, don't

00:40:40--> 00:41:02

do this. You know, we have to be very very careful. I mean, I can talk about this as well but time is short. This does not mean spoil your children. If there is a need to discipline them, then do not hesitate. And I've got a whole section on disciplining but discipline them with love compassion. explain the reasons of why something is wrong in a common composed manner

00:41:03--> 00:41:41

you know, when something is wrong, no, hey, we're doing that. In England we have a problem handle I've seen this in the North American Mashallah is good. It's better than England and you know, you have children to commercial I've got children in the massage aid and you know, massage the friendly towards children inshallah hope so, generally, generally what I've seen, I mean, I've been here, a lot of times, not this Muslim saying in North America when it's in North America, Canada and America many many times. In about 10 or 12 years I've been to North America just selling the brothers about 25 times or more 30 times over Canada I've been about at least 20 times just in 1012 years. So I've

00:41:41--> 00:41:43

seen this generally.

00:41:44--> 00:41:45

In England we have a problem

00:41:47--> 00:41:49

some massages don't even allow children under the age of eight

00:41:51--> 00:41:57

the messengers of Allah Horace and mustard children used to come they used to play you know, they can't play in the machine where they're going to play

00:41:58--> 00:42:39

and then when they come some of the elderly people shut up no children what's happening that get them out no no children the Moschino frustration outside you know, children are thrown at the back or you know, take your children away and no disturbance. Okay, children Okay, well, let's Of course they shouldn't disturbance Allah but have a place where they can enjoy themselves. Must she doesn't have to only be it doesn't have to be a library. This is another understanding. Now this feck off, you can't talk about dunia. There's a whole fit behind that. It's not as we think it has to be. Everything has to be absolutely content, nothing children can't. Then we have the prayer hall. Then

00:42:39--> 00:43:01

there's other rooms there's a whole rules behind all of this. The messenger sallallahu listeners' Masjid used to be a center, Center for everything. This to be the rifter is to be da da da is to be judiciary, marriage problems being solved. Everything, everything in one place, and everything needs to happen and families would come and this is a real spirit of the masjid. But anyway, another topic, let's leave it for another time.

00:43:03--> 00:43:21

This does not mean spoil your children, if there is a need to discipline them, then do not hesitate. But with love and compassion, with love, discipline them, Look, that our son Yeah, banaya My beloved, no, this is not nice, you know, nice way you give them examples, maybe show them things why this is wrong. Talk to them.

00:43:23--> 00:43:27

Why, you know, what they've done is wrong.

00:43:29--> 00:43:32

Like, for example, if they're being selfish, or if they are,

00:43:33--> 00:44:09

you know, I'll give an example for this just example came to my my head, my son, and I have a daughter, so my son like, you know, this is what, two years ago, of course, his his older. So he was he wasn't sharing things. And you know, he's like, whatever he gets, I wanted his grabbing from her and she's young. So I try to explain to him that sharing is caring, caring is sharing, you know, you don't do all these things. You know, you don't you should look after your sister, and you Don't be selfish. So what I did was, I took him to a small park. And we went to the park, we saw goats, there's any any, because we've been there a few times before. And I know that there's two goats in

00:44:09--> 00:44:11

there. One is very aggressive to the other one, I knew that.

00:44:12--> 00:44:40

It doesn't share anything. So I went and we were looking and we were feeding so that there's a bigger goat and a smaller goat. So we're feeding a second Let's feed it let's give food. And then I said look, the small one can't eat. So is it Yeah, why is this let's go and give the small one and when we give it to the small and the big one comes in. And this one is running away frightened. As this big one is not letting this so sad. Sad. Look how bad it is. And this is what you do at home.

00:44:42--> 00:44:46

This is his younger sister. He is not giving no food.

00:44:47--> 00:44:53

He's scratching his head. And then we went home the next time we did that. I said I want to be a goat. Oh no, no, I'm not a goat yet. Yes, here this is

00:44:55--> 00:45:00

I'm not a goat. I am sharing we are human beings. hamdulillah we think about our system.

00:45:00--> 00:45:09

Isn't brothers. So this is just a random example that just came to mind. I'm sure you guys have some examples as well you can think of, but these kinds of things are teaching them with

00:45:10--> 00:45:19

disciplining them with love, compare, explain the reasons of why something is wrong in a common composed manner and offer solutions. avoid excessive criticism.

00:45:21--> 00:45:33

Please, this is so important to not keep on criticizing your children. Some children are slow. That isn't there's nothing wrong. You know, sometimes some parents this will come about I'm talking about being just between children.

00:45:35--> 00:46:03

Yeah, let's leave it to that. But avoid excessive criticism and definitely do not compare them with other children or give examples of other this is so common, especially in the DC community. Recall his son, look, look what he's doing in school, know what you're doing. Please don't do that. Honestly, every person is different. Every child is different. No one's comparing us as parents. Imagine if the children start comparing. Oh, look at my friend's dad, look, look at my shoulder. He's like this and look at your dad. Are you a good dad?

00:46:04--> 00:46:40

Imagine how we shouldn't start comparing this with others. This comparing issue is one of the biggest problems in our lives. If you want peace in life, stop comparing marriages. Women, stop comparing your husbands. Don't stop comparing your houses. stop comparing what your husband gives you and your friend's husband has given do not do that. Otherwise, you'd be miserable all your life. A lot of sisters have this problem comparing Oh, my friend's husband to go to holiday so what like your husband's talking to you here? Probably she never talks he smiles he probably doesn't smile everyone's got a different life. Apparently everyone looks you know everyone likes to look good. And

00:46:40--> 00:46:52

then the problem is is Facebook everyone likes to post to me and my wife and husband were so happy having a Mila Mashallah cute couple and all of that. Why do you want to show the whole world whether you're cute you're in love keep your love to yourself.

00:46:53--> 00:47:31

Now this is another problem everyone wants to share baby comes into the world before even the other in the face. You know on Facebook picture Have you asked permission from this young child baby have come into the world already on the world pictures are there. But this this is a big problem, you know, do not put too many pitches especially of personal life. Handle, I resisted putting my children's anywhere. And I have like a whole you know, Twitter page with lots of people, lots of people follow. Never I don't bring personal life is something else. And you'll probably know your professional life is something else. But there was only once because it was just my son was sitting

00:47:31--> 00:47:53

in my office like trying to answer photos, you know, have a lifter? And is he saying he was pretending This is an outcome? Yes. Can I help you? And you know, he was very he what he did was he wore my scarf. He put my glasses on and he took my hat on. He was trying to act like me. So this is a Mufti right now and he's answering questions by to that patient. I just put that up because those is just quite funny. But

00:47:54--> 00:47:55

this is this is a problem a

00:47:57--> 00:47:58

lot of people compare.

00:47:59--> 00:48:17

Number one, you know, not everybody will be happy people will be jealous like and then they'll start Oh, look at those two, they look so much in love. You know, especially women are affected by this quite easily. Those to look at their marriage, but nobody knows in the internal life of others. Nobody knows. Everyone's different.

00:48:19--> 00:48:41

Everyone's different. So stop comparing, giving examples of other especially with children. Look at him look his Look how much he's studying and look at you you've left behind. We are all guilty. We are all guilty of this straightaway. When I remember when I even amongst your children don't do that. You call your brother. If you keep on favoring one and this is the next point shoot all your children justly.

00:48:42--> 00:48:44

Treat them all, justly.

00:48:46--> 00:48:47

Equally and justly

00:48:49--> 00:49:01

due to treating them unjustly due to gender appearance, intelligence or any other reason look gender. I talked about this, I think in a marriage talk. This is one of the greatest crimes ever you can make.

00:49:02--> 00:49:20

favoring a boy over a girl or girl over a boy. But this is a journey of practice you these two favorite boys over girls we know allambie about Burnett, I mentioned this profits are all initially the fathers of girls and daughters.

00:49:22--> 00:49:28

So this due to gender, treating them unjustly is a major harm. It's sinful

00:49:30--> 00:49:39

appearance. Sometimes this happens a lot. I'm just showing you know I've read some of these things and I know these things happen and I've because people contact me as well.

00:49:40--> 00:50:00

There's one sister who told me that until she was like old in this is a sister many years ago somebody emailed me in 2013 or something that parents treat her badly because of her opinions. She's not as beautiful as other sisters. So a mother because my mother just she hates me. She didn't think she doesn't treat me well.

00:50:00--> 00:50:09

Because I don't look i'm not i'm not white enough. This is a subcontinent DC disease color, severe DNA or is this

00:50:11--> 00:50:20

you know there was this face lightening cream in England, a new product came out face lightening cream in the superstores as soon as you came in all this is lining up

00:50:23--> 00:50:44

what is this color? You asked in England I know a lot of the British English people they actually like darker skin. They like big time we like darker skin. And we are white white white white skin. There's no I'm saying dark white nothing like in a coma comme la familia Albion Allah Jimmy in a cluster with a demon amatola as well. Whether you're white or black

00:50:46--> 00:50:56

there's no difference learn to fidella taco you could be below the Allahu anhu you could you could be wide you could be black skin, some people beauty, appearance, intelligence, that's another issue.

00:50:57--> 00:51:04

One child of yours is more intelligent. So usually, these are human things you might just subconsciously start favoring.

00:51:05--> 00:51:20

Remind yourself I have to be just Why? Because Allah His Messenger sallallahu Sallam said it de la habana Ola decom fear Allah regarding your children what I do it Taka la vida de la vida de fear Allah and we just

00:51:22--> 00:51:33

there was a companion not a moment, but she wrote the Allahu anhu he came to the messenger sallallahu alayhi Salaam, he said, Yasser Allah, I'm giving all my children gifts. I want you to be a witness.

00:51:35--> 00:51:55

So a lot of messenger sallallahu Sallam said okay, inshallah I'll come but then he asked our Kula Wallah Deacon halter mithila who have you given all your children same gift? said no, he said then I'm not going to be a witness then leave me out for any eyeshadow Allah Jodan I don't be a witness on oppression

00:51:57--> 00:52:20

Have you given everybody the same gift or at least the same value? So we have to be very careful in that doesn't mean you get obsessive that okay I gave like exactly this much water and someone to give this much you know, something that common sense one brother got obsessive after a reading up on this is I gave like you know exactly I'm so scared because I gave a bit last bit more general like some things you can't be but

00:52:22--> 00:52:26

you know, what makes sense you be just with your children

00:52:29--> 00:52:32

and also in your treatment in your treatment of them

00:52:35--> 00:52:40

sometimes, you know parents have a bad habit of repeatedly praising one child

00:52:41--> 00:52:47

in front of the others one child you just keep him praising praising just because he became a doctor

00:52:48--> 00:53:05

and others didn't so that's it you know everything oh this him or our doctor Mashallah the intelligent you know, the other children don't think we're useless here what? They will feel jealous. Number one, they'll feel useless they'll think oh parents just they just love him they just favor him all the time.

00:53:07--> 00:53:15

Parents you know it's it's it's such a difficult thing to be parents you know, having children is like having multiple wives which doesn't happen here. I know.

00:53:16--> 00:53:23

It's not gonna happen every north america that's another topic but you know how we say that if you have more than one wife how

00:53:27--> 00:53:30

someone you know you can only get married more than once if you are absolutely just

00:53:32--> 00:53:33

yeah yeah well then when

00:53:36--> 00:54:12

the Quran says if you can't be just then only one exactly the same your children you if you can't be just just have one bus and that as well there's another ruling on this no Can you only have one birth control I have a book on birth control abortion as well. They've been sold out good I wrote a long time ago. Whether you can practice birth control contraception and all the rules of abortion. But anyway, it's like that you have to it's it's very very like delicate how we be just with our children. So constantly praising whether it's gifts, financial support, General conduct treat them all equally constantly praising

00:54:22--> 00:54:43

him sonichu sorry for the disturbance just one announcement the the parallel session that's taking place downstairs for the youth has already started so I know that some people were a bit confused. So the youth that are here you can make your way downstairs for that program which started some time back both on the men's side as well as the sister side which is located on the topic of that is

00:54:46--> 00:54:54

sacrifices and facing challenges. So monitor me was downstairs for that program just coming off.

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

Here we went parents are just uh, you know, people who are

00:55:00--> 00:55:17

bout to be parents inshallah children who are saying yesterday you don't want to hear about your rights, you don't have responsibilities. Children will be here they'll go home and attend to daddy. He's heard everything that so children who should be taught here you don't listen to this. This is only for daddy and mommy.

00:55:20--> 00:55:24

For the children, there's another topic is a certain?

00:55:25--> 00:55:50

Yeah, Jesus Oh hipness for you there's a title every day in loving, respecting your parents giving you know, everything for your life for your parents. That's a whole topic on its own. But parents, that's something else. Islam is a balanced deal. This is where hamdulillah it's not just one side. Yes, it's not just about the parents. It's not just about the children, it's just not just about the husbands and not just about the wives. While in North America is just about the wives but

00:55:53--> 00:55:54

it's not just about one spouse.

00:55:56--> 00:56:11

So constantly praising one child over the other results in the latter, having an inferiority complex. If you keep on praising one child, then they'll have inferiority complex, this is all part of good treatment. I'm coming to education and tarbiyah time to move fast.

00:56:13--> 00:56:15

Learn a way to treat your

00:56:16--> 00:56:19

children or equally Okay, it was before that, okay.

00:56:20--> 00:56:39

learn the art of arbitration. So when you're when you're treating them equally, you have to learn the art of arbitration when children coral Yeah, try and defuse the situation by explain to all parties that the testability of arguing and quarreling and the positive of positives of mutual love and harmony.

00:56:40--> 00:56:53

So you're trying to cheat them now then there might be cases where children will fight. And remember, this is not just children, some of these things are even for your grown up children, like you're in your 70s or 60s, you might have your 30 year olds. Yeah, they are fighting,

00:56:54--> 00:57:05

arguing about something. There's a dispute. How do you defuse it? As parents, we have to learn the art of arbitration, you have to be called the like judge you need, you have to learn arbitration.

00:57:07--> 00:57:24

It's a challenge. You have to defuse the situation by explaining to all of them, the karahan, the testability, of arguing, quarreling and the positives of mutual love and harmony. If there is a need to arbitrate, it is important to be extremely cautious and don't take sides.

00:57:25--> 00:57:38

Be with the hug, if someone's wrong, but don't take just sides. And if you you know, if you can just try to explain without showing that you're really just favoring one side. Never make a decision after only listening to one side of the story.

00:57:39--> 00:57:51

Never do that. And if it's younger children, some parents that you know, young children fighting you just got hit both of them. Both of them. Yeah. That's the worst thing you can do. No, no, this one, you you.

00:57:53--> 00:58:27

This is gonna make them do this more if they are fighting over a toy or something. Then remind them of the goats like I told you, you know, that's what I do. But explain to them look, sit down, change their mindset. Okay, what's going on? Okay, I've got ice cream. Both What am I going my hands that's what I do. So you both what we are talking about. I've got something better in my hand. Okay, who wants it? I wanted I wanted I said, Okay, whatever. Give this to your brother and give this to your sister. Okay. I remember you had to have something here. That's another thing. You can't lie. There's a Hadith, the messenger sallallahu alayhi Salaam there was a woman who had her son wasn't

00:58:27--> 00:58:39

coming. And she's come to me Come to me, I'll give you and she will put your hand behind the back allows messengers of Allah what he sent him was there. So he said, Have you really got something in your hand to give?

00:58:40--> 00:59:01

She said yes, almost in Java. I've got dates in my hand. And I have made the intention that if he comes, then I'll give him dates. He said then hamdulillah if you didn't if you hadn't had dates in your hand, then this would be lying. And this would be falafel. Why'd you know the first day give talk about promised this would be a sin. Don't lie to your children as well.

00:59:02--> 00:59:10

Because they think if you lie to them, they think lying is fine. My dad lies, lying is fine. This is coming as well, you know tarbiyah we have to

00:59:12--> 00:59:39

practically train them. So this is learning the arbitration spending quality time already talked about this. I want to go fast because time is short. I've already talked about this briefly. Remember that Serbia told you spending times time this is one of the most important things spending quality time. One of the most important factors in creating a strong bond between parents and children is quality time spent together. Do not underestimate this you know, this is really important time with children give them

00:59:41--> 00:59:42

quality, time.

00:59:43--> 00:59:59

quality time means you're not focused on your phone, you know, with full attention. It is the single most and this is not just islamically even many psychologists and you know this books written by professionals who have written books on parenting. Some of these things I've read books on not just Islamic books.

01:00:00--> 01:00:18

I've read some books, there's good Islamic books as well, of course, and some things, but I've read some other books as well. And a lot of this is from some of the other books or from people who are experts in parenting. So it is the single most important point supported by strong evidence that results in the well being of the child.

01:00:20--> 01:00:29

I'm just going to read this because time is short, do not let work, careers, jobs, and busy lifestyles get in the way of this.

01:00:31--> 01:00:57

Why are we learning before earning for our children, they want time and they want love. And then when empathy, we sometimes like I always say we are busy building home houses, but then we don't build a home. It's better to have a smaller home. But have a good relationship. Spending time with your children than having a massive house where you know, you don't see each other. Because you're too busy.

01:00:58--> 01:01:02

This life is short, you need connection with your family, people around you.

01:01:03--> 01:01:06

give time to your children. This is really, really important.

01:01:07--> 01:01:47

Sadly, there is a great deal of negligence in this regard. In our age of materialism, and digital technology. There's two things materialism prevents personal contact. Because everyone we live in a materialistic world, we're not content and happy with what Allah has given us. That's another topic. I can do a whole talk on that about, you know, what is love of dunya? What is contentment? What is like, you know, how achieving happiness, what's real happiness in his happiness really, in materialistic things, or your happiness is something else. You know, peace and harmony, and sukoon and happiness is something else. And having the means of happiness is something else altogether.

01:01:47--> 01:01:51

There's a difference I just mentioned this. One is a raw one is available raw.

01:01:52--> 01:02:07

Raw is peace and happiness as verbal. raha means somebody means like house money, wealth, cause that's a suburb means of happiness, but means of happiness is not happiness itself.

01:02:10--> 01:02:16

Sometimes you could have all the means of happiness, but you're not happy. And sometimes you can't you don't have means of happiness, but you're happy.

01:02:18--> 01:02:28

It's something else. Happiness is a it's a gift from Allah subhanaw taala. I just mentioned this one thing. I was in Denmark once, which is in Europe, and we were

01:02:29--> 01:02:50

sitting having food and one of my teachers was from Pakistan, Shaco to talk with mine. He was there as well. They invited him. So we were sitting so they were talking about one brother. He was making comment. He said she said to him, that there's a survey here in Denmark, that the Danish people are the happiest people in the whole of Europe.

01:02:51--> 01:02:56

Norway's happy to know and many, many times, you know Norway, the Scandinavian is a very nice country, Norway.

01:02:58--> 01:03:00

So this is the happiest place

01:03:02--> 01:03:10

people that happens in the whole of Europe. Then another brother said Bishop they another survey came out as well that the suicide rates are a lot in Denmark as well.

01:03:11--> 01:03:51

So what's happening? So I asked him I said, this this is what's happening like the contradiction maybe it's wrong or what's happening but as you know, sir, he said acid acid do is do you think I show brother the boat it is this boat service. So then he made a comment. He said actually, what I understand is the first survey is a survey on the means of happiness. And the second survey is on real happiness. The Danish people are happiness and they looked at means they look at job prospects. They look at money, they look at cars, they look at homes, they look at how much money people have. So they made the happiest people. Second survey is looking at real happiness, people are depressed.

01:03:52--> 01:04:24

The committing suicide, despite having wealth to different things. So therefore, her real happiness comes with relationships with Dean with Islam, with personal relationships with family with children, spending quality time with fellow brothers being in the massage, this brings real happiness. real happiness is something else making dua to Allah Victrola, which is document anarcho loop. Anyway, that's another topic as well. Let's just leave that there's just so many topics coming to my head, but I'm just so

01:04:25--> 01:04:32

this age of materialism and digital technology and the other thing is digital technology that what that stops us having quality time.

01:04:33--> 01:04:59

Digital technology, like I said, you know, try to avoid that. Both parents must try and spend as much time as possible with children both parents, look, this is another thing. The absence of fathers due to long hours of work, travel social life or divorce can be detrimental to a child's development. Absence of both parents, not just the mother, even the Father. Now of course, one will be able to spend more. The worst is the worst situation is when no

01:05:00--> 01:05:29

Spending time because the mother is busy working. Like I said in my marriage talk yesterday that movement has become Half Men in our, in our countries in these countries. You know, in olden times women never used to be I mean, I know some things are politically correct and correct them and sorry, but this is why it is. So no time. The mothers are the fathers how out children are looked after by the nanny. I mean, nanny nanny. Yeah, if you say nanny, that is good. Your mother's mother's 100 lies, She's your mother.

01:05:30--> 01:05:36

Okay, but nanny, you pay a babysitter. Nobody's got time. That's the worst.

01:05:38--> 01:06:11

At least one parent should be able to, you know, look after Of course, they go school and things like that. But then you know, you need you need that every day spending time with them. And fathers as well. Due to long hours of work, I know, especially in North America, it's more, it's easy. In England, like I said England is like a smaller is like smaller than your state. So it's easy, you know, 10 minutes, 15 minutes people go anyway, here you have, you know, just one place to another is like 45 minutes. So I can understand it's difficult, but as much as you can, you know, people work two hours or three hours, but it is difficult. Okay, I'm not saying it's easy.

01:06:12--> 01:06:19

But as much as you can then try to make it up on the weekends at least spending quality time at least, and try to have one meal.

01:06:20--> 01:06:56

one meal, if you can, I really encourage that one meal together as a family is very important. Sadly, there is a great deal of negligence in this in our sorry, the absence of a read this will be more concerned about building a home than building a house or walls or instead that may make eye contact with children look at them in the eye when they speak, stop everything you are doing and be present. I told you they realize that it's only been my son he knows they know, you know, children are very clever, sharp, they know that you're not getting the attention. They are quick to work out if you are taking interest in them or not. And if you are not, you are not only breaking their

01:06:56--> 01:07:09

heart, but also just distancing yourself from them. Each time you do this. You're distancing yourself from your children every each time you don't give them them attention. These are young children when they're seven, eight.

01:07:11--> 01:07:35

Show children that you care. This is all about quality time, take interest in the affairs, if not they will find comfort in other things. Putting children This is the worst thing putting children in front of TV screens. Now our babysitting is done by TV. Parents because we don't have time so difficult. How many we can't give time to children. Put the TV on. That's it.

01:07:37--> 01:08:05

There's so much mom so much harm in some of the TV programs seriously. You if you want your children to watch some shows here and there, you should do a proper research. Look what is, you know, like what's going to be harmful? What's not, I mean, it's best, but I'm just saying if some people I don't know, somebody might give it to us. I'm not giving any fight to anything. But I'm just saying if somebody is going to watch something and be careful find out you know exactly what they're watching.

01:08:07--> 01:08:14

Exactly which show what what how, how much psychological effect is there in this particular show?

01:08:16--> 01:08:21

Yes, there was one program Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig. We have this in England.

01:08:22--> 01:08:26

I saw this and I went on YouTube. And you know, my daughter was watching this she liked it.

01:08:27--> 01:08:31

And then I just I wanted to see why once she started watching two times on YouTube

01:08:33--> 01:08:54

this Peppa Pig, I had a look, I said let me I need to check this out. I vet everything before they are allowed to see that program. And I looked at the message that was given in a hidden form was a very bad message. So that was banned. So you have to be you have to know what message is being given in any particular program.

01:08:55--> 01:09:36

Putting children in front of TV screens PCs tablets is neglecting one's parental responsibility. And please children for the sake of Allah for the sake of Allah do not give your children phones at a young age. One of the worst things we think we're doing good. This is my personal opinion. This is not an AI of the Quran, so you can disagree. Okay, this is not a Hadith, but this is my personal opinion. I am thinking my son will not have a mobile phone until is about 18 or 2020. At least 18 at least maybe 2020. at the click of a button you can see graphic porn on a mobile phone. How can you let your children have that?

01:09:38--> 01:09:58

And then we complain that this then this and they've gone there and at the click of a button. Do you know how easy it is in the olden times it's very difficult. It's a click of a button sometimes by mistake. It happens to grownups. Yesterday, this one we were sitting with some of our moms and she you know guests and there's one of the moms was saying that he has Gmail

01:10:00--> 01:10:07

For many, many years, he said that he was two times, you know, Gmail and he said he went to like a graphic porn site, click of a button.

01:10:09--> 01:10:27

Don't give them their mobile phones don't don't spoil them. Maybe if you want to give them a game console or something fine at home, okay, they can play games, and you vet what kind of games they are playing, even the PC do not give them their own internet access private at home.

01:10:28--> 01:10:49

That's don't if you want internet at home, of course, you know, you need internet at home. And children need to do the homework at school, work, whatever, have the internet, the computer in a main central room, not in their private bedrooms have it were downstairs living room where

01:10:50--> 01:11:04

it's, you know, people can use people are walking past. And when you do that, as well, what you should do is make sure the screen is not like how I'm sitting here, you know, against the wall, the table should be against the wall and the screen is like this.

01:11:05--> 01:11:07

Anyone just walks past they can see what's happening in the screen

01:11:09--> 01:11:26

is very, very important. And regularly, you know, parents don't have control on these things you have to be on. And this is not just Islamic things. These are common sense. non Muslims, there are so many non Muslims who practice all these things because they care about the children. So many non Muslims are very particular about these things.

01:11:27--> 01:11:33

Some of them are very they will not give their children phones until mobile phones or you call them cell phones here.

01:11:34--> 01:11:51

Smartphones especially, it's the more we you know, the more we advanced in technology, the greater the challenge. Our parents My parents never had challenged much. My dad's challenge with me was that I used to just you know, we are very notable in the masjid.

01:11:53--> 01:11:54

But our challenges are

01:11:55--> 01:11:58

different. Because my time those are phones

01:11:59--> 01:12:33

and smartphones. So new challenges for new parents, this is a big challenge a big challenge. Even you know, like being glued to tablets, TV screens is bad mentally for them as well. There's actually psychologists and medics and doctors and some of you might know this, you might be doctors or whatever. There's research done on this how detrimental constantly you being glued to screens, how detrimental and harmful it is for your brain.

01:12:34--> 01:13:00

There's research has done on been done on this. So it prevents parental attachment prevents real life human touch and you are seriously risking a good future relationship with your children. Because you have simply led them down from a basic human need IE real life touch sound token comfort, real need is real you know real life touch sound, not artificial. Virtual.

01:13:01--> 01:13:18

I've mentioned this at least have one family meal together. So I'm just going to I'll just read it quickly in addition healthy to spend time together as a family. Whether for shopping Today's weather is good walk in the park or picnic. family time in front of family time in front of TV is not family time.

01:13:20--> 01:13:41

That's not how many times you need to talk and take interest in each other to develop a healthy relationship. Try a set try and set a daily tech free zone where PCs mobiles tablets game consoles are banned to allow quality time together. Mother's listening downstairs or wherever they are, do not allow what's app to get in the way of a relationship with your child.

01:13:42--> 01:13:46

I hope mothers are listening to this I mean even fathers but you know mothers are more of a problem.

01:13:52--> 01:14:04

Yeah, ensure children's physical I'm going to try to move fast in ensure children's physical well being. It is important for parents to actively take measures in ensuring that the child is healthy, fit and alert even physical well being.

01:14:06--> 01:14:12

As I'm sure most of you You take care of that you know the healthy what they eat, healthy food healthy diet

01:14:14--> 01:14:17

encouraged them to take part in sports and

01:14:19--> 01:14:26

physical exercise like trimming these things. Of course, we all know this be involved in your child's diet from the beginning.

01:14:27--> 01:14:28

cook food at home.

01:14:30--> 01:14:59

Again, this is a big issue. Really, I'm not saying it's haram to eat outside but seriously try to eat more home cooked food. This it's different. A food that is cooked by the mother or the father or anybody at home with love With the name of Allah with Vicar has it's completely the Baraka the blessings are completely different. I've got a whole like a talk on motherhood all these great people

01:15:00--> 01:15:21

who became great people, their mothers fed them, give them food, you know what type of what they think of what they recite some of the great people who became great people in our cellar. remember hearing all these great people, their mothers used to make Vicar of Allah was cooking food. And that's why they became like that. If the mother is going to cook food and watch bollywood movies, then your son will become a Bollywood actor.

01:15:23--> 01:15:45

It's going to impact you know what you do when you're pregnant? When you cook food, when you think about if you listening to her music, then that's going to affect children. That's what all of this starts. I just told you. I didn't put part one in these. It all starts from the beginning. You know, we suddenly wake up after 22 years, my son's got a girlfriend or he's doing this. Yes, Father, where were you for 22 years.

01:15:47--> 01:16:09

It started it's we have to blame ourselves. Suddenly, he's doing harm things, and he's disobeying and he's doing this and he's left the path of Islam. Well, you should have started when, even before your child came into the dunya. Even before that, when your wife was pregnant when the mother is pregnant, there's laws he has to start from there. That doesn't mean if you didn't do that, then now

01:16:10--> 01:16:18

you can start whenever because sometimes Oh, I didn't do it and now much has three years old. No problem, inshallah whenever you start, but you have to start. So

01:16:20--> 01:16:29

cook food at home. junk food, try to avoid junk food, because that junk food, junk food is junk, junk mail, junk food,

01:16:30--> 01:16:34

cook food at home and inculcate the habit of preferring home cooked meals.

01:16:36--> 01:16:52

avoid or minimize restaurant and takeaway meals sorry, if somebody has a business. Yeah, restaurants and takeaways. No problem inshallah Allah will send somebody else Everyone needs some time to eat from there, especially junk and sugar snacks. Diet directly affects behavior, if you are what you eat.

01:16:54--> 01:17:27

Give them rich, wholesome good foods with little sugar. You know all of this, I'm not a doctor anyway, artificially processed foods have the same negative effects on artificially processed foods. The experts and their medics will tell you this, have the same negative effects as drugs, addiction with role resulting in low mood and being irritable. So these things you know, healthy food, etc. Very important. I'll do this quickly as well. Because time is short financial support. I'm sure you don't need I think everybody financially you guys really take care of your children financially. So that's not really but there's some things fathers responsibility to financially support the children

01:17:27--> 01:17:56

in terms of daughter this has to be provided. This is she has to be provided and she's married off was for a son until he reaches puberty and is able to work and provide for himself. Technically speaking, it's only that much. But generally, we don't stop there until they're able to you know, sort of start working themselves etc. It is better to support them beyond that. Until he is settled in life in the job. One of the highest forms of spending in the way of Allah and charity is to spend on one's family. Charity begins at home, literally,

01:17:57--> 01:18:08

you know, hamdulillah we give charity but sometimes we forget charities at home as well. highest form of spending and charity is your family spent with the sole intention of pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala.

01:18:11--> 01:18:11

And

01:18:13--> 01:18:52

not for showing off, or considering it an investment. Also don't consider investment for our Hello, yes, but this is not an investment just for the dunya that look I spent now that he spends on me and do it for the right intention. Make sure to earn here this is very important. halaal that's another topic on its own and spend on your children from halaal income. The food should be halaal on the table, the food you put on the table must be from halaal earnings otherwise you'd have a negative impact on them. That's another topic as well. You know what the food that we bring our children. If we eat halal and buy food, then the luck and character is good based on that.

01:18:54--> 01:18:56

spend on children freely but at the same time.

01:18:58--> 01:19:26

Avoid spending in haraam activities wasteful expenditure don't overspend and you need to tell them as we're looking, you can't get everything in life, this is not going to get this. So there is no need to spend 1000s on weddings, etc. Teach your children to live simple lives. And menu items belonging exclusively to the federal ruling to the child must be handled carefully. It is generally not permitted to gift loan out or give these in charity, except even with the consent of the child. This is a bit more detail. It's a federal issue. But let's just leave that because

01:19:28--> 01:19:40

so one of the time is very short. Like look at this that was just, you know, good treatment sound tarbiyah. I'm gonna do this quickly. Now. This is about four or five pages left. And then we can how many minutes? Do we have another 15 minutes? At least at least because we started late.

01:19:47--> 01:19:48

It's 1158. Now

01:19:51--> 01:20:00

Yeah, I think we instead of I think we were supposed to call at 1015 but I think we started at nearly 1045 so we will half an hour late so I should get another half

01:20:00--> 01:20:01

And our but anyway.

01:20:04--> 01:20:43

Serbia okay thermea is very important. Just about 15 minutes in Charlotte it's just so important. Bringing up children look, this is all about good treatment. Now Islamic tarbiyah bringing up children islamically is one of therapy amines bringing them up. islamically is one of the primary responsibilities of the parents, the child has a right to be trained and nurtured religiously, spiritually and ethically. This is a joint responsibility, both parents bringing them up islamically however, the wife's responsibility is more in the early years because the child is attached to the wife. There's a difference between men and woman. So that's why breastfeeding and all of this in the

01:20:43--> 01:20:59

beginning and then more the husband's the fathers. Both parents must impart good moral teachings and provide Islamic environment for the children ensuring our child after growing up lives a life in obedience to Allah and His messengers of Allah when he said him, you know, look, parents.

01:21:00--> 01:21:25

The problem today about therapy is that we some of us we therapy is all about obedience, that some parents of the children can come in any haram we don't worry, but when they start disrespecting parents anything is become an Islamic because they're disobeying me it doesn't matter you know, it doesn't listen to me. But whatever is committing sins, other sins. Therapy is not about just listening to me as a father or a mother.

01:21:26--> 01:21:51

We have to be Remember, it is not enough. It is not enough for salvation and success in the hereafter being a good Muslim yourself. So many cases parents are in the masjid in the first row soft praying Salah children have never seen the masjid Allah will question us about our children for najat in our Hara, for sucks salvation.

01:21:53--> 01:22:35

And Jenna and paradise and altaira it is responsibility for every parent, not just for their own selves, but we will be questioned about our children. Yeah, you're letting me know ooh and forsaken. Oh you believe save yourself a highly calm and your family's na from Hellfire Baku in Azerbaijan and there's actually a reason why I mentioned not here because all we try we try we've tried so much but children don't listen and then they bring story look into it Salaam his son is also was a golfer and you know, new hair salon tried for 950 years day and night. If somebody does that, and then then Okay, then you're excused all your life day and night.

01:22:36--> 01:23:25

This is what Allah said, Not here. Save yourselves and your family from hell from fire from hellfire. And why use fire to give us this understanding that the way you would save your children from fire of this dunya save them from the fire of Allah. If your children you're walking into the fire, then your children's going into Oh bit arson, don't go in the fire, you will get burnt. Later there's a fire there. Just make sure you don't go into fire. Okay, just to do that. We will fire you run and you literally give you a life to save your children from jumping into a fire. The same for our hero prefetcher just know you literally give your whole existence. You You care that you don't

01:23:25--> 01:23:36

want them to enter into hellfire. So you give your whole existence in them becoming good Muslims tarbiyah is bringing Islam in their lives. This is a second part I just did one part this is

01:23:37--> 01:24:02

so ensuring that the child lives a life in accordance with Allah teachings with Allah and His mess in obedience to Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Sadly, today, you know, we the first part many people, many parents take care of it. We are concerned about their jobs, their careers, their prospects, you know, the future should be good, but what about the real future?

01:24:04--> 01:24:12

We're worried we're very concerned about the immediate future when he's 20 3040 5060 7080 What about when his 100

01:24:13--> 01:24:27

winning and in the next life? What about when is 200? What about when is 500? What about when is 800? What about when is 2000? What about when is 450,000 years age? I'm talking about next life? That's the real future. We don't care about that.

01:24:31--> 01:24:32

You know, so

01:24:35--> 01:24:47

and the son of Allah is that you know, when parents they don't care about the Islamic aspect of the children the tarbiyah that Allah uses the same children to bring punishment to the parents in the dunya and this is a hadith

01:24:49--> 01:24:59

man out of the lobby Sahaja Nazca hola woman assata la mirada para nos Cara Hola Hola, nos any not just children. If you try to

01:25:00--> 01:25:06

If you displease a law by making a creation of Allah happy then Allah uses that same creation turn against you.

01:25:08--> 01:25:49

Some parents, you know, like there was one chef he was saying that his sons went to university and studying etc. And he was so happy my son Dr. Manga, you know, is a big doctor and is very, very, very happy and you know, I'm not as good as I said, That's Dean very good, but those know aspects of other aspects of Dean. So the chef came he said, Sure, you know, my son I'm so proud happy MC da Mashallah This was in the subcontinent he's a he's been to America Canada somewhere he studied and Mashallah he's become a doctor and my son is amazing and you know, just everything's good big job prospects, Mashallah is very successful just one thing you know, you know, your mind is not there

01:25:49--> 01:26:13

but inshallah make dua you know, that gets better as you know in mind is lost so just make dua so she said this is like saying you know, you see a body here Mashallah the red body The eyes are beautiful the hair is amazing hands are very very soft lips you know body hands martial such beautiful body only one thing the soul has left is dead

01:26:15--> 01:26:16

This is the example

01:26:17--> 01:26:22

he man just left line which is my I'm so proud my son's become doctor everything but he's left the man inshallah me

01:26:24--> 01:26:32

like small thing. Like the guy's dead. There's no soul in him. So for dunya we sacrifice I was so loud Eman.

01:26:33--> 01:26:38

Be more careful about your children's the man and soul and rule seriously. So

01:26:41--> 01:26:55

this is very important. Some parents are concerned about all matters concerning the secular education Health Careers but not Dean. And this is the Hadith when one displeases Allah in order to make a particular creation happy, allows ways to turn the very creation against him.

01:26:56--> 01:27:36

Be good role models, how do you do tarbiyah This is the most important thing. What more salata more Allah, Allah, Allah Allah says, order your children to praise Allah your family, and wasabi Ali, how you yourself act upon, you know the best form of therapy is to act yourself. You go to the masjid you don't have to tell anything to your children they your children come father's going Masjid you pray somewhere at home, you know children start imitating you when you pray Allah will come and do so Jews and everything because best role models sorry the best way of treatment effective ways of sound of bringing is to be good role models. Practice in yourself create a good religious

01:27:36--> 01:27:39

environment at home never deceive a lie to children.

01:27:40--> 01:27:53

I was saying you know don't break promises don't lie in front of children if you want to do something haram then Don't do it. Don't do it. If you want to you have to do at least at least not in front of the children at least seriously.

01:27:55--> 01:28:02

You know someone comes in and knocks on the door and you don't want to see them. I mentioned this the other day I think and what do you say? Go and tell them that is not at all.

01:28:04--> 01:28:06

I will go outside and say my dad is upstairs he just said he's not at home.

01:28:09--> 01:28:22

We make like to go and say I'm not at home just now you think that he's lying is for my dad lies like so he didn't want to meet someone. It's okay line small, small things. So we have to be good role models lay the foundations have emerged from infancy.

01:28:23--> 01:29:04

lay the foundations of your mind from infancy. Why do we say in the ears as soon as a child comes because from infancy we are putting Shahada eemaan parents must aim to instill into the child's heart from a young age the love of Allah, tau he he's our Creator, you need to talk about this. Look, don't leave everything to Imams, and shaves and massages and madrasahs hamdulillah has made all of us intelligent. There's a role for parents to play. This basic teaching, nobody can give except parents. Actually, I'm very intent on education, Islamic education. I'm very strong and I'm not trying to take the moms out of the jobs. Of course they need this. But some things parents have

01:29:04--> 01:29:43

to do themselves. You have to you know, teach some things yourself from a young age, always talking you know, when you're going outside, you're going for a picnic. Look, Look son daughter Subhanallah look at these amazing clouds of Allah and lunella ability for Holika Twyla sama, aka pyrophyllite whaler Jeeva these are mountains This is our Lord How does water come? Allah creates everything you have milk complete. When a child is having milk you say look child Do you know this milk? Do you know where it comes from? This comes from a cow Allah says in the Quran membrane The first thing whether I'm in Lebanon Hollis it comes from a place which is in between dead red blood and filth. It

01:29:43--> 01:29:59

comes right in the middle of that Allah is telling us to think of all of this membrane a further thing with them. But when it comes out Lebanon hardy Sansa appeal wide no smell of the dung and no color of the blood. Sir even a Sherry mean you tell

01:30:00--> 01:30:02

Think of this drink humans like that thank Allah

01:30:03--> 01:30:18

thank Allah look this, how does this milk come to us not that easy. They just get milk just like that. Make them pray to say like, I want milk of a to record salata hija and the prayer might ask Allah Allah I want some milk and then you get mad.

01:30:20--> 01:31:03

So this is how you lay the foundations of Eman and Islam and the Quran etc. Train children from a young age like all these things hi instilling hygiene cleanliness, evil traits and bad habits must be rooted out such as lying swearing, arguing cheating jealousy stealing oldest parents should embed the hatred of evil habits into the hearts Child's Heart you know put this in the heart line and sweat you know you should make these things they automatically know it's bad like make like an incident that they will remember forever like you remember the cow the example I gave sorry, the goat or something like that. But think of a strategy and then that's it you the owners remember for

01:31:03--> 01:31:19

their life. cheating. No way that's I can't cheat. A Muslim is honest. I can't steal something that strikes them then then they remember until the 85 my dad that story. That's it. I don't I can't lie.

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This should be done with love, gentleness, calmness in accordance with the Sun novolog messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam avoiding fulfilling every wish don't spoil them as well.

01:31:33--> 01:31:35

Don't spoil them instead.

01:31:36--> 01:31:43

Put in them traits of patience, hard work sharing generosity, consideration of others, you don't get everything in this world.

01:31:45--> 01:31:51

From young age, protect them from materialism and the marketing machine so they don't become spoilt.

01:31:52--> 01:31:59

There's a difference between what they need and what they want. Don't give everything they want. Everything they need and some things of what they want.

01:32:01--> 01:32:20

Falling for the notion of wanting on what Okay, parents easily spoil their children out of guilt. This is a problem because we feel guilty or you know, I didn't give time yesterday I got angry and then the mother will come by or spoil you know, don't don't do that from the beginning. Why do you have to then you know, feel guilty and then you have to make up for it.

01:32:21--> 01:32:26

So, don't spoil your children out of guilt of mainly absence.

01:32:28--> 01:32:39

You can't buy you can't give gifts and replace time you're absent and you say okay, I'll give you gifts. There's no comparison between the two. I've already talked about technology TV media.

01:32:41--> 01:32:47

Because this came briefly so you can just somebody taking pictures you can take them and just read it yourself because time is short.

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Because I've explained all of this

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you know TV in the bedroom all of that vote explained that selecting friends parents should choose choose pious and well behaved friends you should know who their friends are for the child ensuring he avoids bad or she avoids bad company they should be alerted to the child's company and influences. So this is very important as well.

01:33:11--> 01:33:24

Higher in children. Very very important topic. Higher is very very important. Extremely important to foster modesty shame, basic morals relating to covering from a young age

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you know, when they start growing old, they can't walk around naked they know like what shame shame is shame shame you know, they need to know all of this.

01:33:36--> 01:33:47

Parents should also make sure that you know when you when a child grows seven eight, start don't start exposing your our in front of children. Some parents are negligent in this regard.

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Our amines like enough for a man is above the below the navel and above the knees.

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to children you can't start being naked laid out in front of children as well. So you know avoid everything that may lead to child lead to the child underestimate the importance of higher such as parents dressing semi naked at home in inappropriate images and literature, nudity on TV. This is higher it's a topic on its own. with teenagers It is important not to shy away from having conversations about puberty sexuality and relationships. This is a topic on its own. They should not be afraid to ask parents what they have on their mind. Look it's better they learn from it's a difficult topic but you know, sex education, all of this you have to like I said be friends they can

01:34:36--> 01:34:59

talk if they can't talk to their fathers and mothers who can they talk to with higher with modesty. If they talk about have conversations about puberty about blue about teach them parents teach them? You know they don't need to listen from anywhere else, about relationships about boyfriend, girlfriends about all these kind of things. They should not be afraid to ask parents what they have on their mind.

01:35:00--> 01:35:08

No problem. Don't become monsters. You know, there was one ship I just mentioned this one chef, he came to somebody and he said,

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Okay, I've got 10 minutes. hamdulillah she's like, okay, so

01:35:17--> 01:35:27

when she was saying that somebody came to him and he said, when I go home, my children, they don't even move and nothing, you know, hamdulillah I have so much Rob, you know, like so much.

01:35:30--> 01:35:32

Oh, yeah. In front of my children

01:35:34--> 01:35:42

come disk. So the chef said, you become a monster or a lion or something. You know, like, this is not what a father is Father, you can have conversations.

01:35:44--> 01:35:54

You should be inshallah your children shouldn't be having boyfriends, girlfriends, but a father should be such that your son doesn't feel scared to come and tell you that I got a girlfriend.

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If they can tell everybody else and can't tell you, then there's something wrong. You know, they shouldn't you should be doing therapy. They don't have that. But if they come and say that you're a father, they should be friends. They're able to speak to you.

01:36:11--> 01:36:15

Maybe you just tell them that, you know, at least a girlfriend or a boyfriend in this day and age

01:36:17--> 01:36:27

is probably on a honeymoon in this day and age. So I'm talking about if your son comes, you know, to get the point that he says he's got a girlfriend or a boyfriend is

01:36:28--> 01:36:48

anyway, so with teenagers It is important not to shy away from having conversation I've talked about this. It is better to learn from parents rather than others but with here with higher antiquorum introduce Islamic obligations at age seven merola, the combust Salatu was seen in and then the Hudson watery boom, boom.

01:36:50--> 01:36:56

Love it. But as you're at the age of seven slowly, you don't have to implement everything.

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Some people look in here we have extreme some people are very extreme. When this child is seven, eight, they may come you have to fast and start fasting in Ramadan like until 18 1719. Whatever hours we have 19 hour fasts. You have to be balanced. You know you don't have to do everything just slowly, maybe small, small things from the age of seven in accordance with prophetic teachings parents should start introducing basic Islamic obligations such as prayer fasting,

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make your child familiar with the masjid and religious environment, take them to religious gatherings Mashallah you take them like gatherings like this. You know, all the great people that became great, you know, in our history, from the Salah, from the side and from the Imams and these great great people. Seriously all, not all study most of them, not everybody because there are some people who actually introduced embraced Islam and they became big, but most of them starting from the Sahaba.

01:37:50--> 01:37:59

when they were young, when they were growing up, they grew up in the masjid. They grew up in the midst of Olia and Allah and Misha Honshu.

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Seriously, I've read this, I found this in so many people's biographies. When they became big, the eyes one of my teachers was a deck with money says that my eyes open. And when I was two, three years old, and the only thing I'm hearing is this photo and this halaal and this permissible and this fake ruling and this sun and just books and this, I I opened my eyes in the midst of fukuhara Mahajan.

01:38:24--> 01:38:39

So it has an impact. From a young age I shadowed the Allahu anhu as she grew up, and over Casa de de Allahu anhu. His friend is Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then she became a bit acidic. So

01:38:40--> 01:39:07

make your child familiar with the religious environment, take them to religious gatherings, have them visit scholars and pious people. If you have pious people coming to your house, they'll see them or you take them you know, in that good company. It doesn't have to always be scholars, scholars, pious people, a nice people Mashallah there's so many people, you're all amazing people here doesn't always have to be scholars. So, but in a good environment,

01:39:08--> 01:39:17

prophetic applications. This is really important. Teach your children inculcate a habit in them to recite various prophetic publications.

01:39:18--> 01:39:27

As I say, with meaning, you know, this is so important. I think I mentioned this somewhere I actually in the Jehovah which I give here, I talked about this.

01:39:28--> 01:39:34

even adults, you know, these doors, they have meanings, you have to understand the meanings to get the real message of these doors.

01:39:35--> 01:39:48

These prophetic doors and I'm talking about established doors You know, when you wake up and hungry Lady Gaga Madonna with a new shoe and aloha mania becoming a fan of Veronica Alhamdulillah.

01:39:49--> 01:40:00

Make a habit seriously. You have this one of my teachers. I think Douglas Murray mentions this that one of the easiest ways of wilaya and connection with a lot of things.

01:40:00--> 01:40:11

These basic prophetic doors Islam is not complicated we don't need all this complicated you know things this do that and do this and jump here and jump that simple sadhana in your life just do that you become what you have Allah

01:40:12--> 01:40:36

prophetic to us. We must make a habit to have this habit at home it's a must honestly wake up they have it like handle as soon as they sneeze straightaway your charges Alhamdulillah and you should be singing hammock Allah de como la it's a must as soon as they eat you don't have to remind them Bismillah he will Allah Baraka de la

01:40:38--> 01:40:45

Oh Alhamdulillah hilarie rasakan You know, there's another do actually when the food comes on hamdulillah Illa de Rosa canina de Monterrey howdy Mineola

01:40:46--> 01:40:58

and with meaning, the real benefit is we needed a whole course you know seriously this do ours our Java mirkarimi gems each door I can talk about it for 45 minutes one drop the deeper meanings

01:40:59--> 01:41:01

teach the meaning we should know the meanings

01:41:03--> 01:41:30

like for example, give this one example Tommy short, and I told my son all the meanings when he goes in the toilet. Okay, right left foot first before he goes in. He really do and handling allow many hours will be coming in hobos, he will have it all I'm going inside this toilet please make sure the male and female [???] on gin all of these bad people, even people that don't let them come inside, and you know, save me inshallah. And then you go inside, they will come out. Or Veronica Alhamdulillah Allah

01:41:31--> 01:42:08

funny, Allah. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now my stomach is good. And I feel good right now. And if I didn't go to the toilet, then my dad will have to take me to hospital. Does his translation I told you when he was three so he just didn't remember that translation. That's like a summarized translation of the doula and then in the car Subhanallah de Sahara hada Omar Kunal homescreen, and Ola you this is you've controlled this and you know we sitting in this car isn't so nice and smooth. So when I told him with meaning as a panelist, Elena ha ha ha de means this, this car plane etc. So when I told him this, I should have a Nissan car. So he changes the artists panel the circle and

01:42:08--> 01:42:08

listen.

01:42:10--> 01:42:15

Until now he needs two panelists. Harlan Annie Sonoma condyloma craneway nelarabine lemon caribou

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so with the meanings you have to you know, it's very important prophetic supplications collective reading very important take time out to read Islamic and beneficial literature to the child maybe collectively as a family once a day or at least once a week you know, we have this dynamic cetera universe. Do that at home. It doesn't only have to be one book, it could be different books and ebooks, simple books. And the best thing is make your children read the whole family sits down turns okay one son one day maybe extended family every Sunday, maybe all the you know you have nice weather someone's coming in the garden, whatever your extended family we all get together read a

01:42:53--> 01:43:05

book for half an hour and have your nice you know, meal you guys like to eat here in a nice way very pleasant, which is a beautiful lifestyle here. And you know, nice weather everything. Do this collective reading of books.

01:43:07--> 01:43:23

disciplining children Subhan Allah. Okay, and then there's education. And it's just three pages left. I'll just mention this quickly. Because we've got just three, four minutes, there should be a balance between oh and respect and love. Children must not excessively pay for your parents.

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Such that they hesitate to even come close to them, talk to them or seek advice. Okay? They will become otherwise they will become cowards. So therefore, you can discipline them Do not be control freaks, allow the child to gradually learn to make his or her own decisions, or allow them to be confident and obtain the quality of decision making. Very important. I'm not explaining all of this because time is very short. It is always good not to discipline the child when he is involved in the wrong action so that you know, when the child is in the middle of a wrong action, don't discipline them right now, because they'll have a negative impact. afterwards. Sometimes, you know, it's better

01:44:00--> 01:44:37

to like you pretend that you don't know you haven't seen it, you know, because the barriers there, wait for an appropriate time. And then explain with calmness and tact. I'll say one thing here that, you know, most of the scholars have said this, that when you're angry with your children, you discipline them. Don't get angry, because to take out your anger. That's not permissible. Whenever you need to be angry. If you're angry, your child is doing something and you're angry, don't don't discipline at that time, swallow your anger. Then afterwards, when you're calm, then make artificial anger, no artificial anger. Because then in that case, you will never go beyond the Hadoop set by

01:44:37--> 01:44:40

Sharia, try to control the Allahu anhu and

01:44:42--> 01:44:45

it has to be for the sake of Allah. So

01:44:46--> 01:44:59

anger we need to control our anger more than obedience of parents instill in the child that he or she is displeasing Allah. We care more about our disobedience than disobedience. So Allah, like I said, for some parents therapy as well.

01:45:00--> 01:45:20

about listening to father and mother. What about bengawan His Messenger sallallahu sallam. And finally, education. This is a topic on its own. There's just three pages of read it imparting religious education is one of the most important responsibilities of parents children must be taught the basis of either oneness of Allah and all the things you write cetera, et cetera.

01:45:21--> 01:45:26

Do not send children to madrasa Oh, Quran classes as a ritual.

01:45:27--> 01:45:34

It's not just like a culture things because you got to do it. In America, this is your accent, because people do it, you have to do it.

01:45:36--> 01:45:44

Or customer yourself cultural practice, parents should actively take part in their child's Islamic education.

01:45:45--> 01:46:21

Take active part, don't just leave everything to the mom, everything to the shelf everything. You have to take some responsibility as parents. In fact, it is. And this if someone can do it. Yeah. And I'm quite big on this. But even like some experts have written on this. If it's possible, and this is even secular education, they say it is better not to outsource Islamic education to others. I know sorry, Lucky moms, we don't want to take them out of jobs. But some of the orlimar said this that if some parents can teach themselves it's better not to outsource this teach yourself.

01:46:22--> 01:46:24

Whatever you can teach you teach.

01:46:26--> 01:46:36

Okay, it is the parents responsibility equip yourselves with knowledge and teach the children yourself at least in the beginning years. In that way, at least we'll learn knowledge.

01:46:38--> 01:46:56

So if we can teach ourselves because we leave everything on the parents, many scholars are of the opinion that children should not be burdened with formal education before age of seven. I know this is difficult in this day and age like you two years old on your dedication, but literally islamically because the Hadith says Don't you know about Salah seven.

01:46:58--> 01:47:36

Chef Mala Mala is to be very strong on this. He was really against the idea of formal classroom setting before seven for children. Teach them in play, let them this pay, childhood will never come back now. until seven let him do let her be a child. Teach them where they can jump on your back and learn and climb up the roof and learn then some you know, organization and classroom and you know timetable from year three, four. It's not good mentally as all those experts have done research on this. I don't know how much you can act upon this. I'm just saying look into this further. Teach them at home in a playful manner. Because starting too early can cause damage and burnout.

01:47:38--> 01:48:19

So I went with advanced Islamic education. So that was basic Islamic education right you know, basic, you teach yourselves advanced Islamic education, send them to the Auto Salon. Ensure to take active interest in where, how and by whom your child is learning. This is our Look, I was given a call to parents. Not anyone who looks like a chef alum or religious person. We don't do that with doctors or martial I saw a guy with a nice suit with a briefcase the doctor Yeah, can you please treat me No. For Dean we have to think who you know we have it's our responsibility. I was given a call we can. I'm not a doctor. But can I can tell you know who a good doctor isn't a bad doctor, I

01:48:19--> 01:48:30

changed my doctor because I wasn't happy and I'm not a doctor. So even if you are not scholars, you can tell I was given you know, sometimes we think everything we just become passive.

01:48:31--> 01:48:51

We've got a call, we can make decisions. We know this Institute's good, this education is good. This place is good. So we make many scholars have sort of taken interest in where how and whom your child is learning by carefully choose good teachers and school like darussalam here. They haven't told me to say this. Yes, I'm just giving an example.

01:48:52--> 01:49:21

Take interest in your child's progress. Take interest, how much you've learned how much put on how much this with other education. You know what I mean by a dedication I don't like to use the word secular education. That's why I just said other education and other education many scholars just two more minutes we're finishing many scholars have repeatedly emphasized the importance of children learning in a good Islamic environment where the human and religious identity is not a risk and this is actually a topic on its own. Many of our children lose human when they go to university.

01:49:22--> 01:49:37

Now in England, we have Islamic schools just in my city Leicester we've got 10 Islamic schools small city 1012 most practicing Muslim parents day is and you have to pay fees the private people spend that's what you spend your money

01:49:38--> 01:49:59

when don't send them to state schools. I can never think of sending my son to a state school it's just impossible it's like in the midst you know people people's we talked about that'll be done but we put them in the middle of a fire and then you know it's it's difficult if you can't I mean, you need really Islamic schools is a must in every country city is more needed. There's more

01:50:00--> 01:50:04

requirement of Islamic schools and building bridges. So,

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where they imagine a religious identity is not at risk. Therefore good Islamic schools are must homeschooling is also an option some people do homeschooling not possible for everyone. Teach your children teach your child the love of learning. So give them time to relax and play after school as well. And last this last page, totally, I've got to share he's here now Now I'm gonna get he's getting angry at me. This is literally the last slide. Korea is the objective of education has suddenly become money rather than contributing something positive to society. You know, when your children take careers, be a doctor, you know, like Asian, everyone has to be a doctor and Elia

01:50:40--> 01:50:48

doctor like everybody, you know, lawyer, the objective of education has suddenly become money rather than contributing something positive to society.

01:50:50--> 01:51:27

When you tell your children which career to take, make it about how they can serve humanity and community not because this is a problem, young people they're going to education based on what's gonna give me with jobs gonna give me the most money. Before it wasn't like that people used to choose a career How can I serve the community, being a doctor, I can serve the creation of a law, which profession, I am able to serve a parents. A parent must not interject ideas into the child's mind and you can give advice but don't force your children. Some parents because they couldn't do something they want the children to do it by mistake. I couldn't be inducted and I want my child to

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be a doctor. So don't force your children. They live choices in Korea must be self motivated. The reason why so many adults are depressed. Listen to this carefully final because because they have they were brainwashed into taking a career path by parents and teachers because it gives a good wage. But the child never took interest and eventually just slotted into a career to make others happy. So be very careful about this. And Allah subhanho data alone gives success. May Allah guide us and give us benefits.