Marriage – Deen Vs Culture Part 8

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Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Topics: Marriage

Episode Notes

Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam gives a talk on the importance of Marriage in Islam and the cultural influence that need to be squashed.

Episode Transcript

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extravagance in expenditure make it simple simple marriages here and spend like 1000 pump. You know we we can't get married because you don't have money married you don't you don't need a penny to marry. You could have 50 pence and you could marry 60 You don't need to think of you know the other machine in the books to discuss it. They said you know what? The man needs to have Mahara and used to have enough money to provide his wife for the first month. That's it.

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If you've got that much just save up like you're gonna get a house and have a few 100 pounds for one then you are no problem. I'll get money as they come on, come along. I don't have to, you know, buy my own property. Like once this brother from you know, Syria used to be a young brother good brothers who used to be at the grocery shop. I used to visit him used to be so distressed he was in his late 20s or something he really wanted to marry he said you know, you know any like sisters from the West England or somewhere you know, it's just his a Palestinian brother living in Syria. So I said why not very easy, so difficult until I don't have three keys. Nobody Nobody will give me the

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daughter key to a car key to a business and key to a home.

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It's it's a problem. You see in the Arab world. This is a problem. extravagance, excessive amounts of money in the Arab world. As an Arab culture, it's a disease. It's a disease you have to give 10 $15,000 man

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it's you know the messenger signal Rama Rama Huckabee said Allah Allah toho socata Nisa be aware Do not be extravagant in the marriage dowry of the women find nanocone and ma chromatin and Allahu chromatin and the nurse will taqwa and the law if this was something noble to give large amounts of dowry, and it was good according to a law that law can owner come behind a bucum sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would have given the most amount as Mara and dowry but he never gave it

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extravagance and Mara cultural thing. That's a condition remove it. And in some cultures, I know some Bengali communities, Bangladesh communities, the woman has to give dowry to them to the man's family. That's that's considered to be a ritual and bribe anything extra. This is a card This is a ruling.

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I think in all schools but definitely the Hanafi school. Anything that is demanded over and above the Dow it is absolutely haram and is considered to be bribery. They give it the name arratia Rashi, will Murata shakila Houma phenol, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, The Giver or the take of the bride both on the firewall, this is anything over the dowry, whether the man demanding from the wife or the wife's family or the wife demanding presence or anything, anything over the mother.

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Once the mother is fixed, this is the dowry and he demands from any side extra. It's considered to be bribery. Anything expected or demanded? Somebody wants you can give? No probably you can give gifts. As long as they are not demanded. They can't be part and parcel. They can't be made conditional. Of course, you should give gifts you know that the gift gifts, but gifts are gifts. You know, they're not demanded demand. And that's not a gift that's like pig that's bribe

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sometimes happens or why somebody like the husband's family demands a case know of brother, he said, You know, this sort of Bangladeshi community says, you know, I'm getting married to this really rich, and I'm gonna get a really nice call from my father. As you know, that's, you know, I'm going for that system. Because, you know, really rich family. I said, Why is he giving us air in our culture, you know, the father in law makes sure it gives you all this nice.

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You know, it's a cultural thing, you know, wants to give a give, but it should be demanded.

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So, we have all these cultural things in different areas, you know, Maha Maha Fatima, son of the messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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This is a matter of Fatima, which is cold. So, we need to be very careful about this point, make marriages simple, easy, really simple, as easy and simple as possible. Parents make it easy for children. And you know, okay, another point, time is very short. Another point to have so many points, but I'm not going to go I'm just going to quickly another point about

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culture marriage, forced marriages, arranged marriages. I have you know, in this marriage series, I've got a whole discussion on on forced marriages and arranged marriages.

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islamically there is no place for forced marriages. Absolutely.

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That's it again, it's cultural.

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It's cultural. You know, pick up any Heidi's book, you'll find Hades clear headed in Sahih Bukhari Sahih. Muslim, and all the books from the shelf a Maliki Hammadi Hanafi schools. You'll find the word e Jabbar the messenger sort of love

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And the crew to not have enough see her.

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A non married woman she'll be asked about herself. She'll be consulted, you have to ask a woman whether she wants to marry or not. She has to give her consent and approval saying that further gel was early. The messenger. Salahuddin says if she refuses then you have no say over. You can't force anyone to marry it's absolutely haram it's oppression parents, you know, there are different ways and I mean I come across so many situations like this, you know, blackmailing them emotional blackmail and the mother said, I'm going to kill myself You don't get married to my you know, dad's my brother's daughter or my sisters is a haram activities, cultural things. I know so many sisters

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who you know from especially in the Pakistani background, where they've been taken to blow horn and Punjab and shower or wherever passports confiscated and they've been tortured, forced into marrying. And their brothers also take part in this force in some like this one sister remember three four years ago? I mean, I thought okay, the parents are backward maybe they don't understand the culturally oriented but the brother was like somebody who's got a degree in law or something in university educated of UK and he gave her the sister a blue and a black eye because she was saying no to get married to cousin brother in Pakistan.

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Or all the will I mean, how can you even do that? It's called no place in Islam forced marriages. Absolutely, categorically totally Hara and then non Muslim Zilla we should blame ourselves you know what I mean the nonsense the media they have Sherif blame as well i mean you know they're very clever

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anything any Muslims do that it will be a Muslim doing it

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and Muslim man by the name of this did this Yeah. And if some guy called Paul does it don't say a Christian man but you know Paul did that you know it's just a guy in England British guy doing it but for Muslims I'll use the word Islam

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but we have to take the blame as well. There is no placed place for forced marriages in Islam no place where there's difference between arranged and force

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we need to explain to these non Muslims as well there's a difference between arranged arranged is different forced is different arranged marriages are not not forced marriages arranges it's actually good right. arranged marriages are good you know arrange means you have to arrange beforehand you can't just you know, just learn the mode you have to arrange arrange means actually better arrange means that you your family do the investigation research you know

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you know, people say love marriages arranged marriage, I tell you something, I have come across more cases of love marriages that brought that have broken down and less arrangement because you know, love marriages or not love marriages or less marriages.

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What what are they? That's my you know, when you're young, you cannot be in love in Potsie but

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before marriage. So don't even imagine there's a hadith alum Tara mithila lanterra missing economy with the exact words of the messenger so I love it. I love lamb Tara would have been in this Lineker marriage, you know, that marriage, that's the love that is created by marriage, you won't see that anyway, before marriage is not it's not loved. It's impossible. It's just lust. You know, young people, you know, they, you know, he must have said to someone, you know, what I'm going to give my life for you can't spend the rest of my life and then after three years, you think you're mad person is insane. That is move on. People go through those phases. They've said there was only so many

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times

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I spend the rest of my life with you. And then after about three, four years, they think, how can I say that when I was young,

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you shouldn't be doing Oh, by the way, but um, it's just a phase you're going through. So love marriages. I've come across, you know, I know like one couple that were really wanted to get married and they would die like the brother and sister would say, I can't even envisage life without you know, I die. One day without him. I'll die. After about one year marriage, that sister got married, she did not even want to see his face ever in his life. That's how she hated what happened in one year. What happened? So there's no love, love versus no love stuff. arranged marriages are good or any means like, you know, in love marriages, you're the only one looking at the brother or the

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potential spouse or the sister. It's only you deciding your mind is clouded anyway. You can't see the true picture. Whereas in arranged marriages, your sister, your brother, your father, your mother, everyone's got investigated everything. And also there's new people, new people looking at something as much better than one person looking. But yes, ultimately, you have the final say, you can't be forced. They say is good. Or this brothers good. The system is good. You make this decision. Now. You think about a used car and you make the final decision.