Gap Between Parents And Children
Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
File Size: 24.53MB
Our next talk is very important also, in one of the challenges that many of the youth are facing, and that is the gap between children and parents, teens and parents, and what are the techniques and what are our responsibilities? And how can we bridge that gap to make our relationship with our parents and our elders in society to be much more profound and important. So for this I'm inviting chef Mufti Muhammad Muhammad Kotori Hafiz Allahu taala. He's no stranger to the Islamic foundation and also Toronto. But just a brief introduction. Chef Mufti Mohammed even Adam is a young traditionally trained scholar who studied in different parts of the world. Born in Leicester, UK,
and raised under the guidance of his illustrious father shift mowlana Adam haffley the whole law, he started learning about Islam from a very young age and memorized the Holy Quran at a very tender age of nine. He initially studied the Arabic language and, and various other traditional Islamic Sciences at Daro. bloomberry. United Kingdom under many shoryu, notably Chef monada, Mohammed Yusuf motala, hofeller Allahu taala, and received authorizations in various books, including the six major books of Hadith. He also took part in a one year course of specialization in the sciences of giving legal verdicts that is after after graduating, he traveled to Karachi Pakistan where he studied
under great living scholar justice Mufti, Mohammed turkey with money or filler Hola, hola, Hola, and others. Later he traveled to Damascus, Syria, where he increased in experience and knowledge by studying under the great drama there and received authorizations from the various scholars there. He has written several books and many of his answers to many of the questions appear on the famous website so Neidpath and also his own personal website data lifter.com. He presently resides in Leicester, UK, and hamdulillah He is also a father now. So with these few words as an introduction, I invite our chef Mufti Mohammed Eva who is Allah to inspire us and once again a reminder please,
all the brothers that are standing at the back of the prayer hall, please move forward come inside Be seated and join the gathering that Allah This is the respect to our guests inshallah. Brothers and sisters are requested to kindly assemble in their designated areas. So that inshallah we can listen attentively to the to the scholar is located.
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of Loma Linda and Pharaoh now and found out in Arlington
Hannukah Loma de la Marina in Arlington. Hakim la Marina haka, hakama
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respected brother sisters. Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Once again, it's an honor and a privilege to be here with you in Canada, Toronto, Islamic foundation of Toronto, this used to be a conference
and I pray Allah subhanaw taala accepts your efforts for coming here. And efforts and the endeavors of the organizers will accept all those people who've had some sort of
say in the preparation and the organization of this conference.
My topic is actually a
I'm going to try to make it a bit informal. it's to do with children and parents. And I'm not just talking about young children, but I'm talking about children, young children, as well as mature children even grown up children and parents are not just young parents, but even elderly parents, parents, their relationship and the tie ties and the kinship between parents and children. This gap that we find ourselves in, and seriously we have, we live in a time now where generally relationships, the ties of kinship, and relationships are not maintained, and specifically between parents and children. Many times what happens we live we live in a household, it's just for the sake
of it sometimes like you were lodging in a house, the parents the father comes and does his thing. The mother comes she does her thing the son comes does his thing. The daughter comes in the house and does her thing. It's just individuals whereas islamically we are encouraged we are ordered we are commanded that we should live as a family and especially this relationship there is so much emphasis we find in the Quran and Sunnah extreme amount of emphasis laid upon kinship and specifically about parents and children. And generally the whole issue of Maharashtra social laws, social etiquette, we find the Quran goes into extreme detail, talking about Marsha on social
etiquettes the Quran normally we find is very limited in terms of explaining the rules of salah and Zakat and Hajj. But when it comes to social etiquette, when it comes to how to live with your fellow family members, and how to live with your relations and with your relatives with your cousins with your, you know, extended family with people around you, then the Quran goes into extreme detail. And generally Shoku on the rights of our relations are greatly emphasis upon in the Quran. And unfortunately, despite this being greatly emphasized, we live in a time where ties are not maintained. There's a massive gap between parents and children. There's a massive gap. And we all we
know we have an excuse. And parents have an excuse that you know, we live in busy times we don't have time, you know, the highway in Toronto, it's like takes you two hours to go home and work and nobody has time we don't even have a meal together as a family on a daily basis maybe once a week and that's even sometimes
the there needs to be a bond between parents and children. Parents need to realize parents need to learn that there are rights for their children. And likewise children need to understand and realize and know that they have extreme amount of reverence and rights that they need to give for their parents. And this is greatly emphasized in the Quran. In terms of the parents, the Quran is filled with versus the Hadith, the Sunnah of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we find numerous amounts of Hadith that talk about the rights of parents treating them well honoring them being kind to them being considered towards them, taking care of them serving them. And again, you know, this
is another problem as well you know, seriously this some this notion is setting within the some of the Muslims and it's come from the non Muslims that you know, your parents they just like new normal human beings what big deal they just your parents, they're humans were humans awards. And I've actually heard this from one young brother, my parents, okay, you know, it was an accident and Allah made them my parents, what else nothing else.
islamically parents have a great right over you. Allah subhanho wa Taala have made your parents a external means of you and I coming into this world, parents are superior, children are inferior. Seriously Keep in mind, parents have been given this right over the children islamically parents are given preference. They all they are the leaders of the households on their superior to their children. And this is greatly seen in the Quran. We see many verses and many Heidi, for example, the famous verse, Allah subhana wa Tada. He says, Waka darbuka Allah tabula Yahoo. Oksana surah, Teresa in vyndaqel Kiba our huduma
Allah subhanho wa Taala says workato buka you Lord has decreed a lotta boo Illa Yeah, do not worship anyone besides Him.
Just remember Allah subhanaw taala here in this particular verse, He is mentioning the worship of himself, the hate and oneness of Allah subhanho wa Taala the hidden Allah Buddha
will worry they need
You Lord has decreed do not worship anyone besides Him. And then you Lord has decreed he has commanded you to be gentle
To Be kind to be considerate and caring towards your parents, while we worry the sirna
tauheed of Allah worshipping of Allah has been mentioned side by side has been mentioned next to looking after your parents being carefully considered towards them, and being kind to them and serving them. And then what does Allah subhana wa tada say, in my ablon in the Cal Kiba, huduma, Oklahoma, if one of them whether your mother or whether your father or even both of them, one of them have both of them in your lifetime, if they attain if they reach old age, if they become old, in Diablo one nine, the calchamber or huduma, Oklahoma, one of them or both of them, then what Allah subhanaw taala tells us a few commands, he says, look, first to our negative things he says don't do
these things. For lahoma.
Don't even say the word of now this is an Arabic word. It's really means don't even say a word of contempt. Nothing as minute as saying, you know, like in English, we might say something like, you know, don't take you know, don't don't just say, you know, like, sometimes parents tell us in terms of policies, go and do this. Oh, no man, you know,
even that Allah says, don't even do that for
And, and Allah subhanaw taala mentioned says that Remember, this is generally the case whether your parents are 28 or 35, or 40, or 50, or 60, whatever. But in
Kibera, the reason why Allah subhanho wa Taala mentioned old age here is because normally generally, you know, your parents they become they become a bit unreasonable when the when the old, it's natural, you know, you're creating a lot of creatures with barf. We are mentally unstable. We are in need of other people. When we're young, when we're babies, when we're children. We grow up, we go up the hill, and we go down the hill. It's going back Hakuna Matata, shava. It's like, you know, the example I have given a few times I don't know if Do you know, do you guys know a lock film is? Do you have these, you know, theme parks in in England, we have the theme parks, we have a log film,
it's really really good. You know, right? It's like small boats, you go up. Okay, and then you go, and then you go down a certain dip. Do you call that here? Have you ever
Canada's Wonderland. So maybe you can go there and check it out. You know, you go up and then he's a sudden dip. Seriously, that's life. That's life. You know, when you're growing old, you're going up, up, up. And now nowadays average is like 60. So you go up 30 and then going down when you're 31. You're not 31 you're 2928 27 you're going down. And sometimes you just take a leap, you know sudden down. That's life seems to be a smooth, you know, 5060 years average is like 5055 nowadays. So when your parents become old, Allah says you have to look after your parents generally anyway. But when they old they become like children. They'll agitate you they'll ask for unreasonable things they'll
just generally be you know, unreasonable and in an inappropriate towards you. Don't be nice sometimes to have sub ally saying look, even in that case, in that situation, for a taco Luma off. Do not even even say a word of contempt, nothing. What are tener Houma don't rebuke them. Don't harm them in any way. And then also these two things do not do. Don't say oath. Don't rebuke them. Don't slander them. Don't swear at them. Don't say bad things to them. The Hadith says whoever curses their parents, Allah curses them. A child who curses learn Allahu Allah, Allah. Allah curses on the one who curses his parents. So don't do none of that. And what should you do? Allah tells us wakulla
Houma colon karela say to them a gentle word Allahumma colon Karima. In speak to them in a gentle, nice, polite way. That's the way of addressing your parents. In a gentle way. What are the hula? hula? hula, hula Colin Karima. And then Allah says, Hola, hola, Jana, hello luminor Rama, lower to them. Be lower to them. The wing of Jenna Hello Lee generally of humility, meaning Be humble. Be humble towards your parents. When you talk to your parents. Look up to them, be humble. Give them the position, give them the rank give them the status, give them that high macom that Allah has given them over you know Homer Jenner has luminara Walker Rob Burnham Luna and this is a beautiful
dog that all of us should make. Walker Rob Burnham Luna and say are up there. hamona Kamara, Brian is a hero.
My Lord, have mercy on my parents here Hama, Hama Kamara, Diana sahira. This is this Have mercy on them due to the fact that they looked after me when I was young. When I was a baby, when I was a child when I was in need of them, I was helpless. I mean, when children are babies, imagine, you know, they're helpless. It's parents bringing you up. And then when they grow old, they need you. So this is payment time, you need to look after your parents, your parents and talking to the children remember going to their parents as well. But your parents, you are crying in the middle of the night you woke up 25 times in the middle of the night, when you were three months old baby, your mother
still woke up and gave breastfed you and gave you a bottle of milk.
Your mother had to change your nappies like 10 times a day, 20 times a day. Still no complain. And now the old you if you have to do certain things for your parents, you must do them this this is the basic that you can do. This is the basic Hakan, right that we owe to our parents. Now, there's a story mentioned, you must have heard his story. It's a famous story. Some of the scholars have mentioned I don't know how true it is. But they say that there was this person sitting, you know, those old man who had reached old age very old. And he was in a garden and his son was you know, he studied and this and that. And he came back and one day he was sitting in the garden with his young
30 year old son. So his dad was old, you know, in his 70s 80s. He said, Son, you know, a crow came and sat on the tree said, Son, you know, what's that on the tree? No, that looks like a crow.
After 10 seconds, what's that on the tree?
I think it's a chrome after a few seconds. So what's that on the tree? I told you the crow. fourth time again, son, what's that on the tree? Don't you my head when I'm telling you? I've told you Dad, you know how many times you can ask me. I call your dad. You know, it's crew. Five times. So the dad, he heard this, he got angry at the Father. After two, three minutes, he went inside the house. And he came back with a diary. He took a diary out. And he went to turn the pages to about 30 years back and said look send readers who read it in 19 such and such my son was four years, three years old. In the same garden. He asked me there's a crow came onto that tree and asked me 25 times, Dad,
what is this? And I told him 25 times this is a crow.
Imagine, you know, as a son that you know you couldn't tell your father five times that this was a crow the Father 25 times each time, you know, beta son, my beloved Son, yeah, this is this is a crow. And he was taking pleasure in telling his son.
This is the right that we owe our parents, young people seriously. Don't you know if you've done any of these things, seek forgiveness if you've, you know, hurt their feelings. seek forgiveness and I'll tell you sometimes you know love the brother say that word but our parents like they they're oppressive and they like this and the light and I'm going to talk about that as well. And time is very short. But you know there's a hadith which a moment Buhari Rahim Allah, Allah is an edible Muslim. When I saw this ad, you know, he's mentioned it's from, say Dona de la hypnobirth radi Allahu anhu where he said that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he, he says that it's
under the chapter barbu bill validator in law who that chapter regarding being good to your parents, even if they are oppressive, even if they are oppressive and they harm you. Still, you'll be good to them under that title, under the chapter heading and then he brings it to the messenger where that second bus relates it's um, it's the statement on our bus which he understood from the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said mermin Muslim in louella donemus Valley Danny Muslim and he used to be
even in Africa Hello, who by any means agenda, no child, no son, no daughter, who wakes up in the morning Biggs good serves his parents with the hope of reward from Allah Subhana Allah then if he does that, to those of Jenna and paradise open for him, and then he says Wayne kind of widen for wide even if it's one if you have one parent to life, and you'd be good to them each morning, the door of Paradise opens for you. Why? Oh, Baba, ohana Houma, la mirada, Allahu anhu hatha yoga and who the Hadith says that if he, if he, you know harmed or if he
caused his parents to be displeased, and they were displeased for him from him, that Allah subhanho wa Taala his Lord and creator is displeased from him until he does not go and make his parents happy. And then, you know, the main part of this is what I want to tell you that somebody asked he said, What
if his parents are displeased and happy?
Your alarm will not be happy until you you don't go on please your parents. Somebody asked what about what
Even if his parents are oppressive, even if they committed volume, even if they were oppressive and suppressive, even if they, you know, did not give his rights, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Hadith, which is from Abdullah Arbus, he said, we're in.
Even if your parents are oppressive, remember brothers and sisters, parents, Allahu Subhana. Allah has given them this rank and position they have been Allah, Allah has made them an external means of us coming into this world, that in itself is a great rank and position for them. This is not a transaction, you know, when you be good to your parents, it's not a transaction. It's not like dad, if you're good to me, I'll be good to you, Mom, if you're good to me, I'll be sort of trying to you know, you're buying and sending anything here. It's not like you know, your payback time, you have to whether they're good or bad, if they are bad, that's between them and Allah subhanaw taala, they
have to answer for whatever they do in the offroader be punished for it. Whatever is between them and Allah, but as a son, as a daughter, we have responsibility. Regardless, that doesn't mean I'm not saying you just you know, take hold oppression and all the punishment and that's it and you don't have a right to defend yourself, you can just get yourself killed. No, that's not what I'm saying. You have a right to avoid harm from yourself without a doubt. But remember, even if they are being oppressive than they deserve this right? Just for the mere fact that they were used as a means by Allah subhanaw taala, for your existence for you coming into this world, simple fact. It's not a
transaction, whether they are good or not, you don't wait for that. And seriously, you know, in this world, anything that we do with anyone, the general principle and remember, this brothers and sisters, is a very important principle, that general principle of relationships, you know why we have too many problems in the society and conflicts and quarrels and disputes and argumentation and, and breaking of ties. I'll tell you one major reason and the major remedy for it, the main reason is that we expect too much. We expect we do things with the wrong intention, we expect people to do things for us. Allah subhanaw taala Islam tells us we have this golden word, the sub, sub mean means
we do whatever we do for the sake of Allah for the pleasure of Allah. That's the intention. We don't want anything you good to your parents, for the sake of Allah, you're good to your children, for the sake of Allah, you're good to your spouse, your husband, your wife, it's for the sake of Allah, whether they are good to me or not. That doesn't matter if someone's good back to me. That's a bonus. 100 Allah Subhana Allah, Allahu Akbar, it's great. I didn't expect it, but they're hungry, like it's good. If I if I don't get anything in return, fine. If we live our lives like that, seriously, we'll have a better society. And you know, when you don't expect anything, you'll be
happy as well. And I've mentioned this on many occasions, you'll be happy, because you will never be sad because you are not expecting anyone to do anything for you anyway. So you know, if you don't expect anything, and then that person did not come and do whatever, whatever. Let's see, you'll never be sad, you'd be a happy person. Remember this golden rule. So anyway, parents here, we must look after them. They are our means of entering Jenna and paradise Sahih Muslim, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama and foo, let that person be humbled in just who he said men, you know, the one who found and who went away handle Cuba, who found his
parents in an old age for me the whole agenda, and he was not able to enter Paradise, this person is in great loss. Because it's very easy. If you find yourself in a situation where you will you have parents who are older than it's one of the simplest, and the easiest ways of entering paradise and gender seriously one of the easiest ways of entering paradise, you have to serve them, you look after them, make more of them, serve them, be kind to them, be gentle to them, don't harm them in any way, shape, or form have a lot of sovereign patients. That's your ticket agenda. That's your ticket to paradise. And so there are a lot of you know, loads of Hadith and texts, just one verse I
mentioned. And and we know many stories, you know, the famous story was apparently You must have heard of his story was according to the Allahu anhu. And I don't want to mention him because I'm short, he left the
position. And he left this great rank of being a companion of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for the simple reason of looking after his mother, who was alive in the term of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam, who was living in Yemen in a place called karma. And he actually sent a message to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, you know what I want to come and visit you imagine, you know how to live just imagine being a Sahabi, a companion, the messenger and he said here Rasul Allah, messenger of Allah, he never sorry, the message was sent. I have an old mother, that she needs me that I look after her, but I want to come and visit you. If it was someone
like us, you know
When would you ever get the chance of visiting the Messenger of Allah you know, we go to Hajj and Umrah You know, when once in a time you know parents we don't even care we go all over the place. We think we're doing good Islamic works has gone ask someone even going in a path of Allah if your parents are not happy the ruling then go and ask a chef go and ask him a few corners Can I earn bonus the amount of the mosque? Can I go and seek knowledge? Can I go in the path of a law? Can I do this? Can I do that if your parents are not happy? You can't imagine yourself alone. Are you sort of somebody came in as the Messenger of Allah, I want to go for jihad. In the path of Allah He said,
Don't you have a bhawani how young Do you have your parents alive? You said yes. Did they need you said yes, for FEMA for j your reward of jihad is in looking after your parents. And once I'm traveling in the path of alarm going out my parents are crying it's a go back to your parents. The Hey Kuma make them smile. Come on. Mama like you made them cry, go and make them smile. So there are rules even if your parents are non Muslims. When Johanna
Murray send a copy to
whomever dounia maruka even if they are non Muslims, if they are polytheists if they don't believe in Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah says in the Quran was a Hebrew Houma fifth dunya meroofer be good to them consider to Islam in this world. don't obey them. Of course you can't if they force you to leave Islam, you can't obey them. And then there's a ruling about obedience, which I'll probably talk about anyway. So seriously, young people, these are great rights our parents have lay you know, be gentle, you know, when you talk, so you're gonna have a hora de Allahu taala, who he mentioned, you know, that
he saw once a person walking with someone who said, he said to me said Maha Minka. who's who's this guy with you? said how the abbey This is my father said he's your father. And he said to me, he beats me. Don't call your dad by his name. This is not a cultural thing. This is even an observable or the law is a letter send me he beats me.
Give him the respect. Yes, he is your friend. Parents need to be friends with children but they do have the degree above seriously this is the Islamic understanding wherever anybody else tells you lead to send me he beats me he was a mama who who are the Allahu Allahu Allah be pleased with him. He said to him, he said don't walk ahead of your father. You walking in the masjid, behind your father, let your father let your father exit the masjid and to the masjid. Open the door for him. Let the father enter first. Let them share mama who don't walk ahead of him. What I teach in is Kabbalah. When you come to a gathering of Maharaja Allahu anhu says, Don't sit down before him let
him sit first then use it. These are the rights for our parents. We live in a time where all these things you know, one by one we're losing them. We make dua for our parents. That's a great duty. Like the Hadith the verse of the Quran. waka rubber hammer cammarata many seriously many to us like the prophets made Allah mentions them in the Quran like you know, Bill fairly well every day this is a writer as well but this famous to our we should all remember memorize if you don't know you know, seriously memorize it now. Ask someone and take it out in the Koran or rub their ham Houma, Kamara Saavedra, and I mentioned something else, you know, say, for the Allahu anhu you know, his habit was
he used to live with his mother used to love his mother and his mother used to live in the next room every day when he has to exit His house is to when he used to leave to go out to work or to study or whatever. He has to go to his mother's door outside the mother's door. And you say, Sarah Moriarty Kumar Mata rahmatullah wa barakato. Oh, my beloved mother Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. So she used to say from inside wailuku masala Mia buena rahmatullah wa barakato Oh, my beloved son, walaikum salam rahmatullah wa barakato. And then say that I
used to say rahima killer who Rahim Allah who come out of beta Sahara. Oh my mother, Allah have mercy on you as you because of you. You bought me up and cherish me when I was young? You know, the verse of the Quran surah Nakamura Bian Sabina rahima Killa who camara by Teresa VIERA, Allah have mercy on you, because of the fact that you cherished me you nourished me, you brought me up when I was young. And she used to respond by saying from inside, Rahim McCullough who cannot borrow 20 Kabira Allah have mercy on you as you are very considered kind and caring to me when I'm old.
Every day and when I used to return again, do have the mother. Same thing again, Sarah Marie Corolla And the same thing is to repeat, this isn't
a normal body.
So there are many rights and responsibilities and seriously if anybody has dis has harmed or upset their parents. Today, go and seek forgiveness if they're if you're if you're here with your parents right now.
To my talk seriously, please go and say, Dad, please forgive me and seek forgiveness and make a firm intention resolution never never to do anything regardless of what they do or whether what they're up to whether whether they give your rights to you or not. That's the job and responsibility that I'm talking about right now. But seriously, seek forgiveness. If you've got time, right now, if your parents are alive, a lot of people they don't have that time. They don't have that opportunity. They don't have that chance because they realize too late, the parents have left this world. And then they, you know, when your parents leave this world, that's when you think, Oh, you know what, I, I
didn't serve my parents. I didn't look after them. I didn't take care of them. I wasn't considered towards them. I was very bad to them. I mean, some people seriously they let alone serving them. They they, there are people who don't even talk for months and years. I just cannot understand how somebody cannot even speak they can't be on speaking terms with their own parents. How can that happen? You know, some people they don't talk to them, you know, real parents, not even real parents. Because of works because of a conflict they had about some few dollars. Seriously, there's a case that came to me and brother came under, like three 400 pounds issue or something. The son and
the father they have not been on speaking terms for like two years. Because of 400 pounds. I said you know what, just talk I'll give you 400 pounds.
Seriously 400 pounds, two years, no conversation, no talking breaking of ties, which is
one of the greatest sins regenerator copywriting, the one who breaks ties the heart It says Who shall never enter shall not enter Paradise late who will generate a copyright
so don't realize this when your parents leave this world because then it's too late. But even then it's not too too late. It's too late but it's not too too late.
It's too late but not too too late. There are there are ways of of addressing this and correcting this even if your parents don't think your parents have gone then you still have certain ways like I mentioned make send rewards read recite some Quran do good deeds recite out of Nashville is follow up send rewards to the MiG tau alpha and there's a hadith as well about this that you know, a DR odo whomever is there for Allah make it safer for them. Somebody came as the Messenger of Allah Salallahu salam, my parents have passed away What can I do to benefit them you say make dua for them. supplicate for them seek forgiveness from Allah for them. We're in further edema and if they
were intending and wanting to do certain things fulfill those desires of this they wanted to probably like you know give someone money or build a building or wanting to do something in their lifetime and they were not able to do so do that for them. And number four, he said or number three he said he karamu Saudi Hema
honor their friends that's a way of honoring your parents if they've left this world so there are many rights and responsibilities and you know seriously we need to
wait for parents are alive serve them get the data from them you know they do is accepted one of the three two hours after the hour to worry Dean Lee
Sarah Doherty monster job in la luna she taps of the hour they accept it and they shall never be rejected by law. One is the do our the supplication of the father or the mother parents for the children. And likewise, you know the fair parents will hear they're really happy and you know, thinking about parents you attend Now it's your turn.
can see the old people you know they're loving it. But remember, my you know, old friends, Islam everything comes in a package some parents The only verses they know and learn of the Quran is waka Dora bucola tabula every time they know like all these verses and Hadith it's it's some parents actually forget and even realize that children have rights.
Seriously, some parents are really forget, they just think that's under fault on the bus that said, I'm the big fat boss, you know, the cruel one. So whatever I do, that's it goes. It's my rule my kingdom. You know, I'm the boss and the commander in chief and the dictator here. It's not like that. There is so much emphasis in the film. And he was so nutty, about children about about valuing children, seriously children, we need to value them. If you don't value your children, you will never be able to give them their rights. Children have been given to us as a trust as a Amana, from Allah subhana wa Tada. We have to preserve them. Allah has given us those people who don't have
children what they will do or give to have children.
It's an Amen and trust on the last panel data. Therefore they must be treated well seriously. They must be given
An absolute an immense love, absolute immense love
you know apps they deserve the most love from Have you good dream of being gentle towards them being merciful towards them being absolutely tender towards them giving consideration to their comfort and I know young children, children, young parents normally do that. But even when they grow up have it always been give them time, share quality time with them with your with your children take an interest in what they do what they study at the mosque or the college or the university or wherever they are.
participate in the activities.
As soon as the young people at that age they need they want love they crave. You know, young teenagers at that time for this for my older friends. They crave for love, they crave for attention, they crave for attendance. They want someone to help them they crave for assistance, and for guidance. And you know what, if they don't get it at home, what will happen? They go outside, they search for it outside. And then when they search for it outside, and they go into the wrong hands. And then were the ones who complain. My son my daughter left the path of Islam. My son has been deviated My daughter has done this and my son's gone there and astray and this and that further
illuminated and don't blame except yourself. If you didn't have time as a father as a mother for your own son or daughter. Because you are too busy, you know doing business and making money. What benefit is in making money if you don't have the time to even spend with your child with your son or a daughter? Seriously?
This is what young children they need. They need the love and attention we must really seriously give them the love and attention. We should always never never you know there are books written on this topic and I'll mention a couple of books at the end for you to read but there are books written specially for parents are mentioned now there's a really good book ideal mother ideal father. I don't know if you've seen it. I don't have it here. I'm not selling it. I don't have a stole this Don't worry. I'm not you know, it's but yeah, there might have been some stole here. In Urdu. It's been translated into English really good seriously. I've read both ideal mother for the mothers and
ideal father for the fathers. I've read both of them. Amazing books, it teaches you as a parent, how to look after your sons how to look after your daughters how to how to address them, how not to be always angry and always swearing or demonstrating slandering, and they're like, thinking and there's some kind of, you know, work or a server to you that they're there to serve you all the time. Don't you know not slandering them not swearing at them not not talking to them in a way that they are useless.
You know, when that happens when we talk to our young children and they feel they get this inferiority complex. They feel they actually start feeling that they are useless. They are no good. That's it. Nobody wants them in a society and what they do they rebel and sometimes in the worst case scenario, they commit suicide. That's the main one of the main reasons why suicide is committed by young people because they feel useless because at home, people everybody used to discard them. Everybody used to think you're useless. Especially when someone's not too bright. They need extra attention, care and love from the family from the grandparents. Because a messenger sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, he's to love children amazing amount of love and tenderness and care and kindness and gentleness, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would show towards young people
that are happy filled the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, even addressing them the Quran talks about how the other prophets would address the sons they would say yeah, buena, buena Allah. Remember he was a burden with Africa. He had been a villa initial Kala buena de buena Octavius Allah Oh my beloved son. That's the way that's the way to address address your children. Just like addressing your parents in a good way, even with children. So anyway, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam numerous Hadees in this Muslim Imam Mohammed the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he also for Abdullah who obey the law or
obey the law
well Kathy Roman Benny, Allah does the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to you know line up small children he said love children Susan line them up. Abdullah obey the law and all these other children from the tribe of Bruna bus used to line them all up and then he used to say is to stand at a distance and he would say Mensa de la causa Come on who's gonna come to me first whoever comes to me first I'll give him this or I'll give him that and all the children needs to rush and Hurry and run to the messenger sallallahu wasallam for me una La la la la la he was suddenly he they used to come fall onto his back on an on his chest for your Kabila who will does he become the
messenger sallallaahu it was and it would kiss each one of them you would hold them tight. And this is what just general children
With his own grandchildren has an unforeseen are the Allahu anhu many Hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once he held the hands of Hassan and Hussein, you know, one of his grandsons, both by the palm of the hand, and he was lying lying on the ground and he made them sit, you know, their feet was on his feet. He was lying back. Okay. And then they were standing and then he said to them, you know, Erica, climb up, Erica climb up. So they climbed climb, you know, all the way until their feet was on his chest sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Hasson was standing on the chest of the messengers that are listening. And when he came to him, he said, If you open your mouth and
then he kissed him on his mouth, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he used to kiss his young grandchildren. This is one of the sooner we many times we have forgotten, the son of kissing.
Kissing our children kissing our parents, young children, when you go home, going kiss the hands of your, of your father or your mother kiss the forehead. Shows love affection and mercy. And likewise, you know, parents show this tenderness and this love the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the famous Hadith
whenever he would go and visit his daughter, this is his daughter grown up daughter was married, when he would visit his daughter, who was it was grown to daughter married, far cleaner, or the Allahu anhu. Whenever he would go, she would stand up, say the fotomoto the Allahu taala. And her she would stand up, kiss the hands of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and make him sit on her seat. And whenever she would go and visit her father, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he would stand up. Sometimes people say you can't stand up for others. So this is bizarre, you know, how can they be?
standing up, he stood up for his own daughter, kiss, he would kiss her hands, and then make her sit on the you know, main place of his own position, his own place his own daughter, that's the way to show your love, even towards your daughter married off your sons. This is this is what we call harmony. This is what we call peace. This is what we call a tranquil society. And then the results are far reaching. Because then it helps the whole community and you're able to do more effective works for the for the for the humanity for the society at large. But if we're busy all the time, fighting, quarreling, arguing this that on the other hand, she said this and he said that and he was
saying this and she was saying and she was gossiping, she was backbiting and then that's it. We don't have time for it. We don't have a time to read a book because every time you're on the phone, especially sisters, sorry, sisters, you know, but sisters have this, you know, habit, sometimes long conversations for two hours, three hours, four hours, just doing nothing except backbiting. And sometimes brothers as well, they do other kinds of things more common within the brothers, but this is quite common in this instance. And you know, in England, we have the oldest free minutes 100 minutes 1000 now like you get on your cell phones, mobile phones or cell phones, I mean kind of cell
phones. You have all these minutes, 1000 minutes, I call them 1000, free backbiting minutes.
That's that's what is wastage of time. One gossiping talking about the whole world except your own self.
This is all problems in society. be efficient. Look after your time, read books, do something effective for the community, study Islam, help humanity serve the community do something beneficial. So this was a messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he would kiss Hasson Hussein or the Allahu Allah hoonah and many others who would kiss sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. There was one suede villager came to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said in Takapuna, Sabina kumanovo below him, you know, uspc you guys, you kiss your children. We don't do that. He said the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, our emilich and as Allah home in Colombia kurama What can I do if I was
taken away mercy from your heart? Tough luck. You don't have mercy we have met in our hearts. Now the time somebody has said he saw the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kissing
has an unforeseen
a crab in harvests was sitting by the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he said, I have 10 of these and I've never kissed one of them ever in my life. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said mela you're humla you're the one who does not show mercy. Allah will not show mercy unto him. This is the mercy if you want to love mercy towards you, you need to show that Rama and that mercy to to to your children so and the messenger sallallahu wasallam has never it's never been reported that he's ever smacked or abused or hit his children, his daughters or his grandchildren, anyone documented but that doesn't mean that you have you can't you never know you never like
be you know, not aggressive but you, you you that doesn't mean that you just always show them extreme extreme love despite them doing anything or whatever and even doing things that are unlawful and taking wrong paths and having bad habits and lying and things like that. No without a doubt
They when they are committed mistakes and errors as a moral be as a father, you have the duty. But remember there are ways of correcting and actually read that book. As your father, it teaches you how as a father, you correct in light of the guidance of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam how you correct the mistakes of your young children, how not to, you know, when they're doing something wrong, don't go behind their back and give them a smack. Don't do that. Don't talk to them. Then remember, never do anything out of anger. If you're angry as a father. guidance is that don't don't say anything, wait until your anger cools down. Then in a nice gentle way, you know,
advise them with love and affection, they listen to you. Give them you know, sometimes like the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, once somebody made a mistake, and he came rushing, hasting, hurrying into the mercy of the messenger sallallahu sallam, and then he started, you know, praying Salah, you know, like outside the mosque. And then while he was praying, he came and slowly, and then he came enjoying it. So imagine you solo and you Salamis smiled at him, explain to him in a very gentle way. And then it said, Zelda Cola, who had a son, voila, I completely understand you really have this eagerness of joining the gym and doing something good. It's really, really good.
But don't do this. Because this is not appropriate. Just walk until you come to this off and then pray like that if your son has done something wrong, if there's something positive, talk about the positive, and then just correct the wrong thing. Don't Don't you know, there are ways of correcting the mistakes committed by your children and the bad habits they have with love with affection. It will have an impact on them, rather than being angry and slapping them and hitting them or rebuking them and swearing at them. When they swear.
Then we get angry. Because why do they swear because I've learned from the parents. You know, this is one father, his his kid is swearing and his swearing don't swear and swearing at him.
His his kid was playing with, you know, his friends outside and he was swearing. And the father sitting inside the house is telling him I've told you so many times not to swear and swearing at the same time.
Lead by example, lead by example. What is Salatu was COVID Allah, Allah says that you you if you I mean, you can't expect your son not to smoke if you're the smoker with a cigar in your mouth. You know what, don't smoke here. Don't smoke. You got a cigarette in your mouth Are you telling your child not to smoke is going to stop smoking. So we have to lead by example. If you want our sons and children to offer Salah, we have to offer Salah we have to be good Muslims. So. So these are the rights of parents usually. And then you know, there's so much mentioned, you know, to be just as a father and as a mother as parents and this is even we have young people who have young children for
them as well. When your children slowly when they grow up, and when when they reach they're going to grow up very soon. You will have to be just we have to be just towards them. This is one of the very important rights that we owe the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said at lubaina hola de can be just amongst amongst your, your children. It's one of the greatest and one of the grave crimes and one of the greatest of sins for parents to be unjust for parents to prefer one son over the other one child over the other. It Taku La Jolla decom lubaina Hola, decom normandin Bashir from the Allahu taala and who may Allah please read one of the Sahaba companion, he came to the messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam coos Allah you know I've given one of this my son I've given him a gift. I want you to be a witness. He said our Kula Deacon heltah Mithra who have you given all your other kids the same gift? He said no jasola seven go I don't want to become a witness on your giving of this gift. Why is it because for me like a shadow Allah God because I am never a witness to oppression to oppression This is oppression he gives one a gift give the other one the gift don't stop praising one son one's clever you always praising him all this you got someone in the house, my son and you always praise the other one and I was gonna feel you know left out. He's gonna become me
he'll have this condition of inferiority complex. And that's why the hill in society you will rebel against society. don't prefer and especially not, you know, this issue of preferring the son over the daughter. I don't know where that's come from that nothing whatsoever to do with Islam, nothing whatsoever. It's pre Islamic Arabia and the days of ignorance when they used to bury the young children daughters alive. With a Bush era I hadn't been on favela Juma
yet or Aamir Khan coma means to Mr. Boucher, Robbie. I am sick una mujer de su Vitara rasa my kuno term translation that's pre Islamic Arabia, ignorance, young daughters preferring sons over over daughters. Allah says yeah, budimir show in a
way Halima Corolla gift some people sons, some people don't and never as a young parent be despondent, never be sad if you have young if you have daughters, rather, you know
Somebody came to me and said, You know, I have a daughter. He said, If any mother or father who have daughters first in the house, they are Mubarak they are blessings in the house. And that will benefit all the prophets they were fathers of daughters look at the messenger sallallahu Sallam four daughters.
You know they were they had daughters all the prophets of Allah subhana wa tada
some some people, you know,
this one issue came to me where the husband was so angry this man crazy man, I call him a crazy person. I don't know, where his brains gone. He's actually threatening is to divorce his wife because she's only considering daughters. Since this is in England, his just his threatening, sudden will get angry. Is it your wife's fault that you only have daughters? Of course now those of you know, in pre Islamic Arabia, there was this person called Abu Hamza
not the terrorists that will Hamza we've had recently in the news, but there's another person called Hamza
and I don't know if he is one or not, by the way.
He was very angry because his wife would only give birth to daughters. So he became very angry and he said, You know what, I'm going to separate I'm living in another house. After a few months living in another house one day he was passing by his wife's, you know, house, so she saw him and she's read a few lines of poetry. She said my ob ob Hamza tele Tina yellville. Phil Beatty. Lady Alina, what's wrong with Abu Hamza? He doesn't come to us. What's wrong to my husband? What's wrong with him? Latina. He doesn't come to us. You know, Phil Beatty lady arena. He lives in the house, which is next to us. A lot of illegal Bernina is he angry because we don't give I don't give birth to any
sons. The law he McAfee Idina Biola that's not even that's not in our hands. And then she said, we're in
Colorado deliver Arina we're just like a land for people to cultivate for my husband to cultivate. Tomato tomahto rufina. Wherever you cultivated grows, it's your seed that you're growing into the land. So blame yawns of the husband. So this injustice towards daughters, one of the greatest and greatest of crime seriously. And then there are many rights of I'm going to conclude but there are many rights, like you know, giving them hella food in the house as parents Hello, spending on the waistband. But we need to spend halaal on them, bring Hello incomes in the household, spend on them, feed them, your children, they deserve it, and do it for the sake of Allah to please Allah. It's not
like an investment that let me invest my money when they when when I'm old. They'll return it back. You know, it's like a business deal. It's not a business deal. It's for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala and the greatest responsibility and that's it. I could do another talk on this as a separate topic is Islamic upbringing, therapy of our children as parents. Yeah, you're Latina ermanno Ooh, and for Sakuma Lee coonara.
effort, put put in the effort behind the work tears, tirelessly looking after your children, bringing them on the path of Islam. Educate them, remember educate them sexually as well as islamically both