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Quraan – Episode 20

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Muhammad Al Bizry

Channel: Muhammad Al Bizry

Series:

Episode Notes

Marriage And Divorce

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. Week Six of Quran we're discussing marriage and divorce. And these are based on sort of the Baccarat add sort of the product. So to the newlyweds, this is for you and to the bachelors. This is for you as well. Now we're going to be discussing just main general principles. So the general rulings on marriage and divorce, we're not going to go into every single detail, it's impossible to do in one lesson. And we're mostly going to be looking at after lappeenranta, a reversible, returnable divorce, sometimes translated as revocable divorce, but as muzzleloaders revocable mean all of them don't know. So just reversible.

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Raja is to return Yeah. So this is basically we're going to look at the talech, where you can return the wife we're not going to be looking at after the third, because then it's just going to take us to another whole set of a cam which we don't have time for. So those are the objectives, the importance, they will look at Pollak solutions to how to prevent the left and a warning found in sort of the product.

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Now, why this topic? Why did I choose it very important indeed. Number one, marriage is not just the son of Rasul Allah, but the son of all the prophets. Where is this robinia celibacy? We basically like the priests or the monks they never get married. This has nothing to do with Islam. It's antithetical and alien to Islam. So rather, it's the Sunnah of Rasulullah and all the prophets to get married. Very important. That's number one. Number two, in sort of Baccarat i a 187. Allah azza wa jal mentions an amazing parable to describe the relationship between the husband and the wife. What does he say? Who Nelly basil lakum will enter him leave us alone. They women are garments for

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you men, and new men are garments for them women, larger says their garments for you your garments for them. You might ask what's the connection between marriage and clothing? Just as use clothing to cover your shame and modesty. Likewise, spouses cover each other's shame with sins and mistakes. So when your spouse sins, don't expose them to the whole world and put it on Facebook, rather than just as use clothing to cover your own shame. Likewise, you should cover each other's sins, mistakes in other words, their shame. That's number one. Number two, what do you use clothing for? protection against bad weather? So just as use clothing to protect you against bad elements of the environment?

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Likewise, marriage protects you against sin and adultery. Also, what else do you use clothes for? To look good to adorn yourself so just as use garments to adorn yourself and beautiful your looks? Likewise, you should beautify yourself for your spouse. When you come back from work, which is World War Two, don't come back looking like world war three. And likewise, when you come back from World War Two, your wife should be looking like world war three.

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And only when you reach the door in Arabic someone knocks you say amen. Heather who but when you're not the door, she shouldn't say Matt Heather, what is that? Oh my god.

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What is that? So you shouldn't be saying man and she shouldn't be saying man who not what is that. So use clothing to look good.

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Also use clothing for warmth, true security, comfort. You don't choose clothing that's uncomfortable. So just as clothing provide that comfort to your body, your spouse provides that comfort to your soul. Beautiful parable because the lessons we learned from these few words 187 of sorts of bacala remarkable

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and also, just as clothing are the closest objects to your body. Your spouse is the closest person in your life. True closest

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beautiful lessons we can learn from the Quran.

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So what does it show us that we complement each other?

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That's what this ayah in sort of Baccarat suggests. But we don't just complement each other we also complete each other.

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That tells us many times in the Quran, he made wives mean and fusi come from yourselves a lot created literally a word from us and that's how how well was created. She was credited from her. Adam the profile is what was Salaam said is supposed to be nice. I look after women treat them well for in utter Julio Cartman de la. I mean I Adam for no doubt the woman was created from a rib, meaning the rib of Adam Ali Salim the scholars commented on this beautiful Hadith I said why the rib to teach us she was made from his side to be close by him. She was made from beneath his arm to be protected by him and she was made from near his heart to be loved by him.

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So we don't just complement each other but we complete each other. As the Prophet Allah salatu salam said, in the Mandisa Chicago region, women are the twin halves of men. So literally we complete each other in terms of dunya. Yes, that Hadith.

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But we also complete each other in terms of Dean ethar away. He said, when you get married, what happens to your religion? You complete half your deen. So you complete each other with Deen and dunya. So if your wife thinks she's Mrs. Perfect when it comes to dunya, I'm all that will tell her No, you're only half of a human being. I make the other half. So if your wife thinks she's Mrs. Perfect and does have a dean with her once again, you've only perfected half your day when you got married to me. And likewise for you have a bit ambu. So if you think you're Mr. Perfect, and your dunya she's your other half. If you think you're Mr. Perfect when it comes to do that, you know

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what, oh, well, guess what? You've only perfected half you then when you get married. So it works both ways. It takes two to tango. That's what also law and the laws are, of course mentioned both. Is that the hoonah? The best of negombo entamoeba sundown isn't just say their garments for you. And that is it. Both you work hand in hand. That's how marriages is a two way street, not one way.

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So this is teaching us that if you're having marriage problems, usually it's due to me. Yeah, me, me, me. It's all about me, me being selfish. So if you've got that problem, change me take the letter M and rotate it 180 degrees, what do you get? way

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that's a solution. Rotate the letter M in the word me 180 degrees to get away. So that's number one to show us the importance of this topic. Now let's look at the topic of divorce. We're going to look at its definition islamically and linguistically, its ruling how to do it. Not that I'm telling you do it, right. It's important that we know how so we can avoid all

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the innovated way of divorce. And if you are going to do it, and we ask a lot to save and protect our marriages, then there's a procedure. And then we're looking at the period, the waiting period, what does that incorporate, and then how to take the spouse back and then finally how to prevent these problems because the scholars would say that the family and also on the way to which the map the family is the nucleus of society. That's the nucleus so that really makes up the oma families. So let's look at so autolock Now, this is Surah 65. This Torah is also called Surah Nisa, Al Nusra.

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There are certain nissa atolla which is Surah number four so the Nisa the long version and the sewer to Nyssa al khasra from costiera. Short and this is a sort of the polar is also called sort of the Nyssa.

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Now, in terms of Pollock, what does it mean?

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linguistically? The word dollar means to release to set free that's what I was following into Mecca. What did he say? And toto la casa de Abdullah, you are all free, not you are divorced. So linguistically, he's using it here you will all free. So linguistically, it means number one to relationship free. And number two, it means not just to release but to release with speed. That's why in Arabic and balaka if I said intelecom mode, he sped off literally he darted off to go with speed. So in pala input AAC literally means to go with speed. So that's the second meaning linguistically to go with speed. Because when you release you divorce and the dialect for example,

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what happens you don't divorce next week. She's divorced instantly. So it's instant, something quickly. Thirdly, the word Pollock came from the Arabic palapa that are Arabic word Tanaka, which means a fire a gunshot as well. Tonka is referred to a shot of narrow or a gunshot. And that's why if you're playing sport, you can say outlet literally, to fire shoot. And have you heard of Atlanta? To open fire linguistically means to shoot as lakanal literally to open fire. So it means to shoot and you know, when you shoot a gun, it can create destruction and that's what collectors it destroys a home. See, there's beautiful meanings that they all apply by law. So linguistically, we said three

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things. What are they to?

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Release? Two?

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We spayed three

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gunshot sorry. He went home.

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islamically. What does talaq refer to? It's the husband. divorcing, separating from his wife is called infosol.

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Therefore, it shows you that it's in the husband's hand palette is the right of the husband, the woman doesn't say and the toilet. She can't say your divorce is something else, which we're going to get into later on. So really, it's the separation from the husband, literally, from the husband to his wife, whether it's via speech, writing or gestures. Let's just say the guy's mute. He can speak then he can do a gesture like mm hmm

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whatever he

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idea, right? So it can be via writing if it's been authenticated and is trustworthy that Yes, he did say it, it's been accurately referred back to him like we took So hey, yes, refers back to him, then it can be done via writing, he can send the text message I divorced you, for example. So basically, the divorce happens from the side of the man, whether it's via speech, or writing.

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So that's the definition.

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What's the ruling?

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Number one, let's look at divorce as a concept. As a general concept, as a general concept, divorce is disliked. It's macro. Yes, as a general concept.

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So let's look at it first, the ruling

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as a concept

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and then the Islamic shodai ruling in terms of

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so as a concept we said it's disliked.

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This is based on what Allah says in Surah, Nisa was social higher, reconciliation is higher. So if reconciliation is higher, what's the worse? Sure, bad, true. So number one, in Surah Nisa, Allah described, reconciliation is good.

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This is sort of the Nisa i a 128. Number two, the hadith of shaytaan shaitan has made his throne on water. Why did he do that?

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to imitate and compete with Allah.

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Allah, we know the hadith of Allah thrown can also for Allah, Allah Australia's above water. So straight on the scum of the earth, the scumbag that he is, he made his throne on the water to compete with Allah. And what do you do? He has his minions, his cronies, the Shelton report to him. One shaitan comes, what did you do? I made someone drink alcohol. He did nothing. Now the person comes, what did you do? I made this person Commissioner, you've done nothing. Another one comes, what did you do? I made a person divorce his wife. You'll say Enter Enter. Those are the exact words of the Hadees and enter you Yanni you appear high up with me. He puts him next to him on the third.

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So she loves divorce. Why? Because it leads us on to the second third reason it breaks up families breaks up homes, and the scholars have stated and also nowhere to match them up. The family is the nucleus of society is that there? Because families makeup households, households, makeup societies, they make up communities and then they make up khilafah

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Aloma to Islamia the Islamic nation I sent them. So the hadith of shaitaan he loves it.

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And we said because the family

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is the nucleus of society.

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So as a general concept, it's dislike. However, in terms of what's the hookman or what's the ruling?

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dislike?

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It takes one of the five rulings What are they? It could be either halaal

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it could be either where djabe harem macro

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there's more.

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Nova mazahub which we're going to take now. So it could be haraam.

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It could be number two

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where Jeb obliged

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could be

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was the hub recommended?

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Number four, it could be MOBA permissible. And number five, it could be macro disliked.

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Therefore, you can't paint every situation with the same brush. Depending on the situation. Maybe it was best that couples got divorced for others maybe it was best they stay together. So it's very important that we understand this our brothers you got divorced our the biller that's very bad man. Haven't we don't know. Maybe they needed it.

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Others Yes, perhaps the brother was hasty perhaps. So as you can see, this is when you require effect where you go to a chef, you discuss your problem and then go Don't come to me. Firstly, I'm not a chef. Secondly, I don't answer those questions. Leave it to Jehovah Nana Shabbos ha hamdulillah. All that's very difficult. I don't have the time. Unfortunately, I'd rather put my time into teaching you brothers these things in class.

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You must say how can it be how long for example, if the man obliged, obligatory?

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Sorry.

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As for how long it could be forbidden, if the man divorces his wife, or that can be a according to be that it's a innovative type of divorce, for example, or he's divorcing his wife to harm her. He just wants to put her through pain for no reason. Right? You know, loud. That's number one. That's how it could be wrong. Number two, it could be obliger. It could be wedging. How if for example, the Aldi who's the

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Calling the judge he issues the federal laws, he determines between husband wife, you have to divorce they have to listen. obliged. Or

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if a husband is going to kill his wife, or she's going to kill him, literally she's going to murder him or he's going to murder her isn't a bit of a get divorced and spare their lives isn't better, of course. So as you can see, it could be a blind wedge shaped divorce as you divorce your wife before you kill her before she kills you literally.

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What we'll do throw your questions down, and then we'll take him in the end. only benefit number three, it could be recommended, as we said, if the woman doesn't like the husband, or she doesn't, or he doesn't like her, just not attracted anymore, no love as per the authentic hadith of the wife of the habitable place.

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Third place was religiously committed. And his wife knew this. However, he didn't have the best looks. Otherwise she wasn't attracted to him. So she went to the messenger she said, jasola I can't fault him advice in terms of his Deen is perfect. However, I dislike to return to go for after him and meaning I might say something or do something that might earn me the anger of Allah and I might leave Islam meaning looks, I'm not attracted to you anymore. So it was so low. He asked for 31 place to come and he asked her, are you willing to give back your mat, which was the garden that he gave her as the dowry? She said yes, I'm willing to give it back to him. He said then hollows. So that

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was Hulu, which we're going to take in a moment female is to get a divorce, but it was recommended in this case, because they're not loving each other anymore. And that could be a valid reason. Yes. Now

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that leads us on to the next point which is permissible, it could be permissible it's more baffle you if there is a reason maybe you don't like the way your wife talks to you or your kids how she's raising them up, right? There's a reason so if there's a reason it's permissible. However, if you want a divorce for no reason, just like that, because you can

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I'm the man I wear the pattern unless you're on a show that I can divorce anytime they're happy here although you can divorce. It's dislike to divorce because there's no reason. So as you can see, each situation requires a different document. Very important.

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What about the procedure? How is it done?

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insert $1 81 a lot of that says yeah, are you gonna be a prophet? Allah is addressing the Prophet by by extension us.

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Either to La kodomo Nisa, fatale Hoon la de Tina API, the Tina La Jolla is teaching us via the Prophet when you divorce women divorce them in their head. What does it mean in their head?

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Even Massoud said in Tafseer of this are you find this is indicated. He said

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feito hurin, mynoise digimap.

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The divorced, the divorce takes place when the woman is number one, Allah to her feito she's in her state of purity. In other words, you can't divorce when a woman has her periods and cycle the time of the month not allow the term that's considered call upon with a nom tala upon

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it knows that one will hopefully not from experience

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at all with teaching it.

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I get him to sit in the class.

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Get him to sit in the class, maybe they'll benefit. Alright, so number one.

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How does the procedure take place? The first condition when she's in a state of purity?

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Number two, I mean, why did you mail? No intimacy? In other words, no intimate relations. Sexual intercourse has occurred since she was pure.

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That's very important. Now since you got married No. Since she was pure last.

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Since she had her Menzies last, yes.

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So since her last cycle, let's just say she got she was pure today.

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And you decide, look, you know, I want to divorce my wife. Well, if you've had intimacy with her since she got pure, the knowledge you have to wait until she has a cycle again. And this is pure then you divorce.

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I'm gonna mention the reasons so let's just say she was she got pure, right. She got pure at 12pm Yeah.

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And then you had intimacy at 1pm Yes, you had a shower and you had intimacy. Now 130 Something happened in argument you can't divorce Habibi because you had intimacy.

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A lot, a lot, a lot.

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Love. If you want divorce, you have to wait till she has a cycle again and then she's pure. You gotta wait. And by that time, most likely the problem

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See the wisdom. There's many other wisdoms, which I'm going to mention in a moment. So let's just say she got pure at 12. And you want to divorce, you have to wait, you have to ensure no intimacy occurs before you divorce your wife. And she had mentioned, if that is the case, that she just had her cycle, and you know, which has a psycho nine out of intercourse, and she's pure now. Now, of course you can have in simulations, he said, if the problem is that bad, they don't even want to touch your wife. He said, Now, perhaps, then there's a reason to divorce, that you don't even want to have intimidation, there must be bad. Therefore, the football you see the wisdom.

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A chef machette is in Egypt at the moment, we went and studied under him for a little bit. Amazing, amazing chef, very knowledgeable, well preserved.

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So those two conditions must be present at the same time. But when divorce takes place, once again, nine times out of 10. Find divorce cases do not follow that procedure. Who does that? Who does that? So you can't divorce a woman while she has her. Man does her period. Why? For many reasons. Among them, the woman isn't in her natural normal state emotionally true, she's Moody, for those who are married, don't know this. Or if you've got sisters, you know this, when a woman has a cycle. She's Moody, she's emotional, therefore.

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Therefore, if she's in that state, she's not herself, she might say things that might upset you my anger, you have to take it easy. See the wisdom that she might say things that might upset you that might cause divorce. So you have to understand Be patient or law creditor like this. So you're not a divorce when she has a cycle. And when she has a cycle, she might she's not in her state physically. She's not in her best state, physically, she's in an impure state. So she may not look the best. She may not feel the best, she may not smell the best, etc. So therefore, when she's in that state of impurity and a lot of divorce, see the wisdom. This is the shear on Isla hemmati brothers. This is

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godly law law from above seven heavens, legislation from Alaska, we get the most hot look at the wisdom, not out of divorce interstate? How to Write your question, then I think then we'll take all of them because you'll notice and then I'll probably answer your questions during and then in the end, but write it down so you don't forget. Then in the end, we'll take that moment of shallow time.

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And as for no intimacy, why what's the wisdom there?

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Not just that, not just that

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pregnancy. Imagine you had interrelations and then you divorce Have you been what if she's pregnant? After that the period right the waiting period, she could marry someone else. If you don't take her back. within that time period, she married someone else who has interrelations with him. Well guess what you don't know who the baby belongs to. This is how it protects your nest egg and your hazard. Your leaning energy, your your genealogy, your lineage ancestry, who the kids belong to, so as to ensure that you know who the baby belongs to. So no intimate relations and that's why they're at the page which we're going to take these three menstrual cycles. So she has a cycle and she had three

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menstrual cycles her last 100% is no baby because when a woman is pregnant, what happens to cycles they stop

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see the wisdom again. This is from the legislative miracles of the crown.

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Slam Harry know this stuff. He was a man who couldn't read and write yet when did these eight came came out perfect first time last time every time then it come back with trial and error. Let's take it back. Now. I don't mean to say this. I know it came first time last time every time perfect. Amazing. So as you can see the wisdoms number one when she is in her state of Menzies she's not her state her best state physically and

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emotionally and physically Yes. And as for no interrelations Of course to prevent, prevent mixing up offspring genealogy and lineage.

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So that's one of Swords polar.

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Now let's look at what is the other as this is telling us that the hinda Yes, the word that he now has the word ad. So let's discuss what the waiting period is. Let's just say a person divorced his wife according to those two conditions when cheese pure and no intimacy of intimate relations have occurred since

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her last cycle.

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Now, if that occurs, it's called Talia con Sunni. You follow the sooner it's called to life on Sunni. If you don't follow these conditions, what is it called?

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A it's a beta

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is a still valid difference of opinion that's done at home but they still count is a still valid difference of opinion. However, it seems Yes. sames Yes. According to the majority, I'll do more. And according to the 40 maps, Mohammed

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Abu hanifa Imam Malik, they said yes, it still is valid also based on

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Hi, this webinar, Eben Amara is ready because here the area he divorced his wife when she had her cycle. So news came to Rasulo What did he say? He said, let him take her back. Take her back as his wife meaning what would he say? Take her back if it didn't count? Sure is it take her back way too She's pure and if you want you can divorce the same take her back Why? reverse it because it actually took effect.

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That's a very clear Hadith that has mentioned because even more also, as we said tea, a Pepsi do know and he divorced his wife while she had her cycle. Now what is the idle period? That the periods mentioned in the Quran as well? Sort of Bukhara now, this is

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a 228 of Al Baqarah.

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Now that

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is commonly translated as waiting period, that's correct.

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Find the answer into the Baccarat Ira 228. Allah says one more Paul Lockhart, the divorced woman from Paula, one moto la Katara bus NaVi and fusina de la length of the pool.

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Let divorced women wait in there at the period waiting period for latha, Kuru, three menstrual cycles, that's the waiting period.

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Sometimes you might read three months, that's approximate because that must recycle. By the time she has her Menzies and then she's pure again, it's all up one month. So it's three menstrual cycles is commonly translated as three months, however, be precise. It's better to say three menstrual cycles as opposed to three months. Because of course, women are all different.

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Now the question remains, as we said, divorce followed, the sooner it's khattala can be die. he divorced his wife. He divorced his wife, let's just say a man follow the divorce of the sooner meaningful upon Sunni. It divorces his wife when she's pure and no intimate relations has occurred since the last cycle. And he waits three menstrual cycles. That's the ideal period. Now what happens during that's very important.

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During that the underlying this what happens during this time?

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What do people do usually get out there? Or I'm out of he or kick them out and throw their clothing and luggage out the window from the third story or whatever the case may be onto the road like we see in the movies. What happens? Incorrect, they stay in the same house, stay in the same house. Yes. For the period, whatever the period is, he can take her back. After one day of divorce. He can take it back after one week of divorce. He can take it back after one month. Whatever the period is. She's divorced. Let's go back now to sort of Paula

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Ioan Yeah, so keep keep your hand or keep something there so you don't lose that page. It's sort of like a one where we finished a one I said yeah, you had Navy that

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there was women in there as we explained what that means. allows you to mentioned in this ayah not to have to do when I mean butina did not drive the women out of their homes. They stay in the same house Habibi who does that. who stays in the same house after divorce so a lot of jealous said don't drive them out and one of the most I mean beauty in their homes You didn't say man we will take home your return your house no their house in other words indicating the woman has a right to a combination. As I mentioned in iOS six also tala versus a skinny Unum in hydro second term, accommodate for them. Give them a second, just like you have a second. Not give them a second based

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on the lowest nermeen. Haytham secundum how you're living if you're living comfortably they should live comfortably. So Panama leases as we said legislation from Azerbaijan

00:29:06--> 00:29:18

as you know when I mean hydro second term this is is six allows we'll use the word second to describe the home he didn't say bait. He didn't say menza these are other words in Arabic to describe the house. Why did he say second?

00:29:20--> 00:29:38

Yeah, it came from Sakina Sakina tranquility. That's where the word second came from. Because there's Sakina in the house true. Allah azza wa jal used that word most eloquently he didn't say beta didn't say amended, you say another word for house in Arabic. Why? To indicate even when you are divorced, it should be second.

00:29:40--> 00:29:59

Once again, who applies this and will lie these as if they are applied that will save countless marriages. And I'll tell you personally, it saved my marriage. I got a divorce. 2012 I divorced my wife. And of course she was upset and she left the house she went to mothers this happens true. What is the law saying I am one of attala

00:30:00--> 00:30:04

Don't drive them out of their houses. Yes, but what's the next part? What region

00:30:05--> 00:30:25

they are not allowed to go either because you could say look stay in the house. She could say I'm out of here. True she can leave as well. Allison Walia halogen see that beautiful part of the ads. So she left I said happy Betty look technically we're still married you have to come and stay in the same house as a loss it in Soto tala she was okay. She listened. Let's try. let's implement what Allah says the next day back together in

00:30:26--> 00:30:54

reconciliation, because when you're in the same house, what happens? What happens? Yeah, there's more chance for that reconciliation of taking her back. True. Like you see your wife home. She's heartbroken even though you're divorced. She's in the same house. You see her? She's heartbroken. She's feeling upset. She's crying. Your heart you have Chautauqua for her compassion. And maybe your son goes over to the child You see, Mashallah. My kids so attached. She's the mother of my kids. I can't let her go. So you have that compassion. I take you back.

00:30:55--> 00:31:07

That that 10th reconciliation happens because she's in the same house. You're not gonna see that if she's out of mothers or fathers. True. In fact, what's gonna happen? Even worse, right? A mother is gonna say, Look,

00:31:10--> 00:31:45

I know I have million guys better than him. Remember what he did to 2002 and what he did? 2005 mecanica happens people talk and if you go to your dad's What's he gonna say? Same thing. To Chevrolet. And 100 women know what trick you're better than her true. What's worse from the families have you be white take family advice when you can take a loss advice. If only people apply this and will lie they have saved countless marriages. And also, you're feeling sorry for her but guess what? If you're in the same house as a she's gonna feel sorry for you. You know your divorce in the same house? You look so good. What a Miskin can't even cook himself a decent meal.

00:31:47--> 00:31:49

What a miskeen He can't even own his own clothes.

00:31:51--> 00:31:54

Look at the poor bloke. He can't even only show his underwear.

00:31:55--> 00:31:56

I don't know why underwear.

00:31:58--> 00:32:03

But some brothers do. Some brothers are in their own underwear. Don't ask me who asked me why.

00:32:05--> 00:32:06

I don't know.

00:32:07--> 00:32:07

Why would you

00:32:10--> 00:32:13

Okay, he's a brother that doesn't we know why now.

00:32:15--> 00:32:35

As you said maybe for comfortable you know, we're a cold day to warm. I saw the only reason but I can always gonna see it. Unless it's your wife on the cake a night. But after that follows, you don't really care. Only the first night you want to impress her after that follows. But she looks at you go What a miskeen blood can't even cook eggs. kind of make toast.

00:32:36--> 00:32:40

Do you feel sorry for you. So shell works both ways. Some

00:32:41--> 00:32:47

wisdom from above seven heavens. Well, hamdulillah. So let's go back what happens during the head the

00:32:49--> 00:32:50

very important.

00:32:51--> 00:33:18

She stays with him. They live together. They eat together, they talk together, they sit together. She adorned herself for him. She doesn't wear hijab either. She doesn't wear hijab. In other words, her state after divorce is like a state before divorce exactly the same as it's mentioned in Alamo surah. Al clear. So I wrote all that down for you. So they stay in the same house.

00:33:20--> 00:33:27

Honey, I'm gonna get to the cinema. So they they can talk, no problem. They can eat together.

00:33:28--> 00:33:31

She perfumes herself. No problem.

00:33:34--> 00:33:41

No hijab is required from her. The only thing that is not allowed is intimacy.

00:33:42--> 00:33:47

Or anything that leads to intimacy. That's why I put it in red big No, no. However,

00:33:50--> 00:34:08

that leads to that. And that's the point. That's the point that's supposed to lead. As long as now intimacy is only allowed if you intend of taking her back. So if intimacy occurs, with intention underlying with intention,

00:34:10--> 00:34:26

then that equals taking back, which we're going to get into next. So basically, you're not allowed to just be with even though you've divorced, you can be touching your wife kissing, hugging and, and you know, you're not intending to go back. No. So that only allowed if you intend to take her back.

00:34:27--> 00:34:33

But other than that, as we said, everything else is fine. sit together, talk together, discuss matters, no problem.

00:34:35--> 00:34:59

And a lot gives us the answer to this at the end of the first if so to follow. How does the end La la la camera, showing us the wisdom behind all of this. You might say what's the wisdom behind our law, divorcing her when she is pure and divorcing her when no intimacy is taking place into last cycle. And during that they're not to drive her around? She's not allowed to leave why you might ask why. Why? Why?

00:35:00--> 00:35:38

vs La La La Jolla la camera the first day of a product so part of what a loaded a a tells you so much. Allah says perhaps Allah might bring about a different matter. Otherwise you get back together and that happened with me. And I'm telling you this not so you can tell the word but so you can appreciate this is practical. This is what the Quran and Sunnah are meant to be really an hour's practical, practical source of knowledge, not only just to apply just so you know, the ruling of hamdulillah evident I mean, said the Sahaba used to learn to act. Today we learn to know, another ruling cuz I've got a diploma. I've got a PhD. I just know what up here. What's the application in

00:35:38--> 00:35:44

their life? Probably zero. No, no, or debating with people. Now that's not why these have been revealed.

00:35:45--> 00:36:22

So as we said, the marriage contract is still in effect, as mentioned in Alamosa here. In other words, her status after divorce is like status before divorce. So we said you're not allowed to be intimate or anything that leads to it unless you intend that if you had intimate relations with no intention, then it's not considered taking back as Jamie mentioned, and of course others like, you know, if not they mean. So, intention now was there after a while engaging in intercourse, then he's considered taken back. So let's look at the rulings of taking the wife back.

00:36:23--> 00:36:26

Taking the wife back is done in two ways.

00:36:27--> 00:36:29

verbally and

00:36:30--> 00:36:30

physically.

00:36:33--> 00:36:45

Verbal is easy. I take you back. Sure. Call us. Let's have us reconcile. Let's get back together again. I'll take you back verbally, physically, as we said, it's intimacy

00:36:50--> 00:36:51

with intention

00:36:53--> 00:36:54

of taking back.

00:36:57--> 00:37:00

So if you had intimacy with no intention, no, it's not considered taking her back.

00:37:02--> 00:37:10

You may have just been intimate because you haven't had anything for the last month. What's your last week? Whatever last date?

00:37:11--> 00:37:12

That's very important.

00:37:14--> 00:37:17

What if intimacy occurs without intention? Is it considered dinner?

00:37:18--> 00:37:18

No.

00:37:20--> 00:37:27

It's not considered dinner would handle it because as we said, the marriage contract is still in effect is not considered dinner. It's much less than that what hamdulillah

00:37:32--> 00:38:05

so as we say, look at the wisdoms number one, a grant more opportunity for reconciliation. This is the wisdoms why we stay in the same house and you do all these things. Number two, separation of houses drives people further away. But she when the shaitan gets involved start whispering she hasn't called you Arvada concerned shaitan whispers to her he hasn't called you don't worry about him not concerned. shaitan has a ball remember the reasons why the voice is macro? One of them because I thought loves it. So when people divorce and they leave the houses shaitan messes with their minds.

00:38:09--> 00:38:34

Now, before they had the finishes, as we said, before they had the finishes now you can either take her back, or he can hold us there is over. I don't want to get back together. Then they leave. Now. When you leave. How should it be done? After that the prayer is over philosophy no longer my wife Get out of my life. No, no. Allah just says insert Allah is Isaiah 229.

00:38:38--> 00:38:44

Certain Baqara a loss isn't suitable for the ayah 229 okpala cammarata divorce is twice

00:38:45--> 00:39:15

for him. sercombe maruf out a city home BSN. Allah said insec keep them hold them retain the meaning before they add the finishes. You can say I'll take you back as we've already discussed. So Allah says insert be maruf. In other words with goodness, you take them back with goodness. But when he said release them yesterday, look at the word choice. He didn't say the Bade he didn't say, Raj. He didn't say Rauf all those harsh words to indicate separation is three.

00:39:16--> 00:39:51

The beautiful word, a beautiful word a lot chose the word The city is commonly translated as to let go. But even the letters in that word are soft. You don't have heard of st Allah. The heavy letters like Paul got in the jury the heavy letters or for example a large the heavy letters or off heavy letters. So even the word is used as challenge noise three and the word to Cydia came from saraha saraha is used to comb hair and other which should be nice flowing easy, gentle. So when you release you release gently and has also decided

00:39:53--> 00:40:00

to release a bird how you release a bird you set it free nicely. Look at the word choice Allah used because

00:40:00--> 00:40:11

When you divorce and you leave, you should leave on good terms. But then he added another word. He said, Son, when you leave and you release your wife do with your son, what?

00:40:13--> 00:40:18

excellence? Now what are the law use when he talked about retaining the wife? What did he say?

00:40:19--> 00:40:31

Morrow roof. roof is goodness, yeah. But when he said release the media the same out of use the better word? Yes. And in other words, the way you release your wife should be better then retaining your wife.

00:40:33--> 00:40:56

But who does that? I once again, I didn't do that. Once again, look at these amazing remarkable AI at Mohawk River. So Alta city humby is on a loss of diversity, a really soft word and the word as we said, you can use it for freeing a bird releasing a bird, something gentle like combing your hair. And also obviously, it's on a high level then model.

00:40:58--> 00:41:05

model of goodness, yes. So retain them on good terms, honorable terms. But when he said release them, he used a better word.

00:41:07--> 00:41:09

Just that colloquial and all done.

00:41:10--> 00:41:10

So

00:41:11--> 00:41:40

once the idea is over, she becomes a stranger, right? Three menstrual cycles. We've discussed that that's the period she becomes a stranger. And it was first or second divorce as a lawsuit. Paula cammarata if it's the first or second divorce, and the idea is over, you can get back together but on a new contract. But if you take the wife back within that that period, do you need a new contract? No. Hello, she's as we say, this is like your wife. So there's no contract needed? And there's no more had needed? But

00:41:41--> 00:41:43

yeah, first or second divorce.

00:41:44--> 00:42:00

period? Yeah. Is that correct? Yeah, it's still kissing because you divorced her, and you took her back is counted as one paddock. So if you take her back in there at that period, then it's still counted as divorce. But there's no new contract needed. But let's just say that, how long was that the period,

00:42:01--> 00:42:38

three minstrel cycles if that is over, and let's just say after three menstrual cycles. In other words, to say four months later, let's give it another shot, you need to do a new contract. Now there was like a UK code, but the first time, but if you take her back within the three menstrual cycles, like I did with my wife, then let's say I take you back, no contract no more had needed. In conclusion, we're going to end with some preventative measures and solutions to avoid divorce. Number one, pick your fights. In other words, don't blow up your wife for every single mistake she does. As the scholars have mentioned,

00:42:39--> 00:42:52

the one who focuses on their spouses, every flaw and mistake will be soon left without one. You got to be wise pick your fights. This one also loaded Allah mentions in terms of the hareem of Ababa, what

00:42:53--> 00:43:18

he made some of the issues known and he ignored many others. As the Autobots a bomb this year, let go. You gotta you gotta just ignore sometimes, every time she leaves a toothpaste out, and every time she leaves the toothbrush, every time she leaves hair, and every time she leaves the dishes, however, you got to let it go sometimes don't literally focus on every floor mistake as we said, you'll be soon left without one if that's the case. The scholar said,

00:43:20--> 00:43:39

age Alpha fraternity hieratic Lee definitely a thought is ergic beautiful words, they said, dig a small hole in your life to bury in at the mistakes of your husband or wife. But it's also that you forget its location. So you don't return to her in times of argumentation.

00:43:40--> 00:43:47

You know, when we fight as husbands, as wives, we become expert archaeologists, we dig up the dirt of history.

00:43:48--> 00:44:16

And what we did in 2000, and boy, he said two months ago, and boy, you said yesterday at 4:30pm. We know we're expert archaeologists, no hobby, we have a hole in your life where you bury in at the mistakes of your husband and wife. Literally, this is a advice to the married couples. That's number one, ignore and pick your fights. Number two, don't get angry. Anger paralyzes the brain, it shuts down my computer, and you say things you will regret later.

00:44:17--> 00:44:26

That's what anger does. Now there's this misconception that if you're angry and you divorce, your wife is not counted now Habibi who divorces their wife when they're not angry.

00:44:27--> 00:44:31

Everyone divorces their wife in anger. And I say it reversed happy.

00:44:33--> 00:44:52

Diversity often you're happy. So this misconception if you're angry and you divorce is not counted. No, it is counted. It's the anger where you are literally you've lost your mind. You don't even know what you're saying anymore. And someone asked you what did you just say? I don't know. I just went crazy. But anger normally No, you don't reach that level. It has to be really extreme.

00:44:53--> 00:45:00

So don't get angry because if you say something really it could be divorce and this is what marriage and divorce really it's a fine line between those two issues. Literally

00:45:00--> 00:45:18

You know, I accept married, and talak divorce literally one phrase can do it. You know, words are really powerful, even though they mean said, Your words belong to you, but when you speak them, they belong to the world. Your words are like bullets. As long as you haven't spoken them, you haven't pulled the trigger.

00:45:19--> 00:45:39

When you speak, you find and you know, bullets can create a lot of destruction and likewise your words it can destroy homes, it can destroy people's lives. And I shut up and mustered up and said a storm can destroy a ship, but it kind of an anti a small knot. He said, that's how anger is destroys, it offers no solutions.

00:45:40--> 00:46:19

Beautiful words, from a shut up and mustered up. So be very careful. Don't make a permanent decision over a temporary emotion. I'm temporarily angry and upset. I'm gonna make a long term decision. Be careful, take it easy. Rasulo wasn't like that. I show when she was once cooking for us hula and his friends and the Sahaba one day, and the food took longer than usual. That happens. May Allah bless our wives are women looking after themselves? their husbands, their kids, the kids their food, then it's everything. So it took longer than usual. So what happened? Another word for Scylla heard about this. So she quickly prepared a meal and she sent the food over with her servant. She's trying to

00:46:19--> 00:46:39

help out. Ayesha answers the door. It's a server with the food. She knew what was going on? What did she do? She smacked that plate. And she basically broke it destroying the dish in front of her salon. Sahaba. Imagine that. Imagine you with the boys at home, hanging out and your wife she deliberately, deliberately and accidentally comes in she smashes something because he's upset.

00:46:40--> 00:46:42

What did you say?

00:46:48--> 00:46:49

becomes a practice.

00:47:00--> 00:47:01

What did he do? What did he say?

00:47:06--> 00:47:17

You must have got jealous. Notice his choice of words once again. He didn't say hearted man, the woman got jealous. Or the brothers have been angry. A woman could be some eggs. Alright.

00:47:18--> 00:47:39

Mama or a soldier, the wife and I said Mother, because the mother is respected by didn't just say a mother or the mother. What did he say? Your mother, just as you respect your mother respect her issue, respect to her issue because she is the mother of the believe his own meaning. And this hadith.

00:47:40--> 00:48:18

You can imagine how she must felt when the profile is sort of said that Why? Because that is a hadith had been recorded in history. And it's been narrated throughout history. Imagine he said something else that embarrassed her, she would have never forgotten that situation, and that mostly for the rest of her life. This was urashima for her from the Messenger of Allah because she had him as a husband a low equity. So that's the second preventative measure and that is don't get angry. Thirdly, if you are going to get divorced, go with hula. hula is much better than divorce. What is it? Hello. Basically commonly translated as annulment of the marriage, or female instigated divorce.

00:48:18--> 00:48:40

And the way it works is like a contract. Basically, the husband is given the ID is like a proposal and he accepts and holo is much less strict of them, but a much less stricter, for example, in our budget and holo can occur 20 times, whereas the voice is taller twice, but it's much less stricter. And, and it's easier to do that than to go through talaq and so forth.

00:48:45--> 00:48:57

And the scholars have stated hula is not regarded as a product even if the word Pollock is used. If he intended or she intended scholar that's very important, so it's not regarded as taller.

00:48:58--> 00:48:59

Finally, number four, no India.

00:49:02--> 00:49:14

A solution and prevention for divorce, believe it or not, is a solar a solar. We started with sort of Baccarat. Now we're gonna end the lesson we sorted Baccarat in 238, all sorts of akara

00:49:17--> 00:49:18

Allah azza wa jal

00:49:19--> 00:49:38

actually, before I mentioned this I inserted bacala Allah azza wa jal dedicate a whopping three and a half pages to the topic of divorce alone. Imagine three and a half pages about the attacker and its rules, regulations, etc. And then towards the end of this ayat, Allah xuejun mentioned something which seems totally off topic.

00:49:39--> 00:49:59

In Ayah 238, Allah says, happy to Allah solloway God your praise, you might say, Why did Allah azza wa jal embed this ayah about Sala when he's talking about divorce? Allah azza wa jal is teaching us in between the lines literally, that if you got your prayer, Allah will guide your marriage.

00:50:00--> 00:50:38

That's the wisdom. After loss Virgil mentioned bollock, but the wisdom was mentioned solid immediately because the seller would say man ocilla Jaime Urbina who have been Allah, Allah Allah home avena who have been in this whoever fixes and reconsider the relationship between them and the creator a low fix and reconcile the relationship between them and the creation for your homework. What about what about and by the way, I've used this as my measuring stick a lot of brothers and sisters that would call me I'm going through marriage problems. First thing I asked them how is your prayer or how's your spouse is praying every single time they've said without fail? We're not

00:50:38--> 00:50:46

guarding it. Sometimes we pray sometimes we don't know if we do pray we pay late we miss measured at times we're sleeping. There's your answer. always the case.

00:50:47--> 00:51:00

Now the question this is for your home. What about if husband and wife are guarding their prayers? They perfect Mr. sola. But they still get divorced. Like some of the Sahaba you're gonna say there was lack with the Salah, that's your homework, whatever if divorce occurs.

00:51:01--> 00:51:20

After both spouses have perfected this or that and guarded they praise. You say then what's the wisdom from the idea of prayer coming after divorce? That's your homework. Give me the wisdom behind it. And we'll leave it at that does that come along later and for attentive listening, so panicle lahoma Hambrick shadow in England Mr. fuuka monitor