Mufti Menk – Parent’s Disagreeing with their Child’s Choice of Spouse

Mufti Menk
AI: Summary © The speaker discusses the importance of involving parents in a situation where a woman may be abused by her father. They emphasize the need to respect family members and allow them to have their own lives. The speaker also talks about issues related to marriage and suggests that it is not worth it to treat anyone as unreasonable.
AI: Transcript ©
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does a parent have a right to disagree with their choice of spouse of their son or daughter? I think Mufti just put it perfectly where he said, it's obviously the best to get the blessings of your parents, and obviously, anybody who's been married, even if you've run off with somebody, the love of your life, whatever it may be, there comes a time we, to human beings living together, they grew up differently, they think differently, you're going to clash on a few different things. And what tends to happen is that people who haven't taken the blessings of their parents and they start to regret should high or shouldn't have I should I should I have done this? Or should I have actually

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waited and gotten the blessings of my parents? So I think it's important to put it well, to say that try your best to involve the parents and get their blessing. You save a lot of headache later. Absolutely. Hopefully. Would you like to add to that? Yeah, I agree with him. And if you're saying that, you know, do they have a right?

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In the case of a guy, he might be able to, technically have a nica officiated without his parents. And we would say it's valid. In the case of a girl. According to the majority of the scholars, she needs her father, she needs someone and I tell you, that's a Mercy of Allah. Because when when a girl is all on her own going in, the people that she's married into know that she's got no one, the chances of her being abused are more than if they know she's got guys around her brothers, parent, a father, uncles, and especially if the guys have met these people, and they big buttons, you know, meaning they big guys, you know, and you see, and you look at them the minute you want to talk to

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his daughter, you remember the face of the Father is

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the kid like you know, you chilled because you know that whoa, this person's got everyone behind them who's probably not going to tolerate my nonsense. That's the whole idea of having a protection, you know, to say this, and I give you my daughter. Remember, when I've given my daughter's away, I've always said, Look, all I need you to do is please respect her and honor. That's it. Respect, offer her respect and honor. The rest of it. Insha Allah slowly, but surely you guys can navigate through it. I've never interfered in the lives of my,

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you know, sons in law, or my daughter in law, in the case of my son never interfered, I've let them do whatever. But all I always tell them is just learn to respect each other and honor each other. That's it. I wouldn't like to see someone coming, screaming and abusing swearing my own daughter, it would hurt me, I gave you this child. You know, it's not for me. It's something that you've that would actually be a red line. May Allah Almighty make it easy for all of us. I mean, we this is a huge topic by itself. And we've got some questions on it.

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I can say, look, one of the issues I was dealing with locally with the was a girl who wanted to get married to someone, the parents were thinking about it. And they said, give us some time. The girls in laws put pressure on her to the point she'd say something and then in the evening, she's like, No, no, no goes against it. And I remember speaking to her, this almost broke my heart. To be honest, I can say this. I asked her the question. I said, Do you have any complaints about your parents? And the parents will ask and just wait one week of the one week, and they'll do the NIC cards so they can announce it to that if they relatives? I said to the girl, I said do you have any

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complaints about your parents? She said no. And I asked, I said for 23 years of your life. They brought you up with love and kindness. And she said yes. I said they gave you 23 years, and you can't give them one week.

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And the boys side pushed ahead and did the Nick car without the Father.

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And they got a random uncle who the girl had never met to stand in the place of the valley.

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You see the parents? They were heartbroken. You know Murthy, like what would you say in this? And all it takes is a little bit of patience. I agree with you completely. I've been involved in similar matters for many, many years. And a lot of the times a few years into that marriage, there's a lot of regret, which they don't realize you need your families. However, there are some families where the folks are totally unreasonable, totally unreasonable, you know, they have tribalistic races sometimes, in those cases, I would, you know, relate to the people trying to get married. And we may have to involve in you know, like they say transfer the guardianship to a third party only where

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there is legitimate reason to do so after all avenues of trying to get the folks in are exhausted. But otherwise, don't. Don't treat that territory. It's not worth it. I mean, imagine you get married you have a child, how excited are you? You don't know 20 years down the line. This child is going to make you cry tears of blood.

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So it's really sad. May Allah make it easy.

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