How to deal with Sadness

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

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Episode Transcript

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My brothers, my sisters, when people are sad, they

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do different things

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to deal with the sadness.

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If a person is void of faith and connection with Allah, they do something that makes them more sad. What would they do? Tell me.

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Drugs, drink, go and party club drink themselves until they can't even walk. And to them solving my problem. Why did you drink? Well, I've got problems. Did they solve your problems? No. But that's not just the culture in some places. But because they've disconnected from their maker, guess what? It makes the problem worse.

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A person who's, who loses themselves because they were sad.

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They plunged into deeper sadness.

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So what should I do if I'm sad? Do I just lose myself go and do anything. Some people get hooked on to get addicted not just to narcotics or drugs or intoxicants, but sometimes pornography and other things, they get addicted and they they begin to do things that they find. They think they find temporary joy, but it renders them cabbage. That's it. They become lazy. They don't want to get up while I'm sad.

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But Allah Almighty teaches us that the remedy for sadness

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is a long term commitment. That's what it is. The remedy for sadness is a long term commitment, whether you like it or not, there is only one way to remedy your sadness there. There are no two ways.

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Even if someone were to throw the whole world at you, in terms of materialistic items, it will not eradicate that sadness. It cannot

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prove of it is we know of wealthy people who are short of nothing material, still sad.

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still sad. And when I'm talking of sad, I'm talking of a level of sadness. We are human we wouldn't be to a degree. We would have days when we're sad, because I'm a human.

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But Allah teaches you how to deal with that sentence. Number one, and I told you there are no two ways. It's a long term commitment. When you are happy, remember Allah and ask Allah Oh Allah protect me from anxiety and sadness. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him used to make dua supplicate call out to Allah Oh Allah, protect me from sadness, anxiety.

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Protect me from miserliness, but he was very generous. A Jew, NUS. He was the most generous of all saying oh Allah protect me from miserliness.

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miserliness let me be selfless.

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Mashallah, so Allahumma inni are Oh, they'll be coming, they'll hem me well, whose knee? Oh Allah. I seek refuge in You from anxiety

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and sadness. Or it could be difficulty. But you make the DUA while you're happy. May Allah protect us from sadness. May Allah protect us from anxiety. We are human beings. When you make this dua to Allah, He cushions it for you. It cushions it for you. Coupled with that prayer to Allah, you need to become conscious of what you just said.

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What am I saying? Oh Allah.

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Oh my Lord, I seek your refuge I seek refuge in You from which means I believe he can protect me from it. So I need to actively work towards what I've said. Oh Allah protect me from sadness. Protect me from anxiety and then what?

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Declare the praise of your maker

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that will help. First few steps of eradicating your sadness. I want to ask you a question. If you hear that your loved ones just passed away maybe it's gonna happen one day. It may have happened to some of us may Allah grant your loved ones Jana, those who have passed on May Allah make it easy for yourselves and myself the day it does happen to us whether we lose children, parents, spouses, whatever else it may be. Allah make it easy for us. What are you taught to say?

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You just heard the news. This person passed away. First thing what are you taught to say? Say it?

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In La he were in LA Hey Roger, what's that? It's declaring the greatness of Allah. That's what it is.

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And you declaring the fact that we all belong to Allah and we are all going to return to Allah. That statement is supposed to cushion the loss. It's not going to eradicate or take away that loss. A loss is a loss. You're a human you're going to be sad.

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If you're a human, you're you might even suffer and it might be so bad.

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Allah says, first thing.

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Remember me? In Allah, we're all belonging to Allah. When Allah giran, we all are going to return to Allah, which means this loss is temporary because I'm going to be united with this person shortly, mashallah, I'm going to be united with this person shortly. We're in ala June.

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So in the same way, when you are sad for any loss, or any thing that has happened, Declare the greatness of Allah

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Subhan Allah, praise him, Glory be to You, oh, Allah, You are the greatest talk to him, communicate with him. Don't become a person who doesn't get out of bed, get out of bed, to pray to Allah in the darkness of the night when everyone else is asleep, because slowly but surely, that sadness will be cushioned by Allah, and you will be able to feel a quiet contentment in the heart.

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Quiet contentment, reassurance, I'm reassured, your business suddenly came crashing down because of an accident or because of a fire or you lost your job that you didn't imagine you were going to lose or suddenly your bank account is closed and so much has happened. You know what, Allah will comfort you and grant you the reassurance and your faith and conviction in your Lord is the only thing that's going to carry you through this loss, nothing else. Nothing else.

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So many people have lost so much every human being has lost something at some point. We've all been through that to different degrees. The only ones who have actually

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managed it are those who have connected themselves even more to Allah. Never let your happiness disconnect you from Allah and never let your sadness disconnect you from Allah either.

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Whenever you're happy, thank Allah two units of prayer, whenever you're sad, praise Allah, two units of prayer, seek seek help from him. So that's what I'm saying.

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And then look into yourself.

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Don't think this is a punishment from Allah. That's the first thought that crosses the minds of many people. You lost someone you lost something, oh, it's a punishment from Allah, I promise you. If anything has ever brought you close to your maker, even by a millimeter, it was a blessing from Allah, not a punishment.

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A punishment is when you're driven so far away from Allah that you've just forgotten it. That's punishment.

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A person being punished.

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A times they don't even know I'm being punished, they look forward to the trip. They look forward to the journey.

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They don't realize they're being punished. Allah says in the Quran, when we wanted to destroy certain people, we gave them material wealth.

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We gave them material wealth for Tana fella man Asuma to kill him. Fantana Allah him Ababwa Kulish he, when they forgot us totally. And they turned away from us just before we punish them, we opened for them, all the doors when they got and God and God and God, they forgot they turned away from Allah even more, the punishment was deserved and the punishment came down. So sometimes when you're getting a lot of things, it could be something negative, when

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if you've been driven away from Allah by what you received.

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That's why when you get good things, it must lead you to become a better person.

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The best of those whom their business is doing so well. So they started off with not only charities, but they became better people.

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They started praying, they started treating others with utmost respect, the best of us.

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From among those who have been blessed by Allah with the worldly things

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is he or she, who is humble, humble, you find wealthy person, a very, very important person, you find an absolutely powerful individual, coming in greeting you with a smile with so much of humble humility, looking for example, how they can help or assist maybe, you know, and so on, then you know, subhanAllah that's a blessing from Allah.

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That's a blessing. You've got everything, but you're still humble.

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And the sign of rejection is when Allah has blessed you with a little bit, and you start swearing people belittling them, some people do it free, Allah hasn't even given them the world. And they still do that to others, belittle them, swear them mocking them, make them feel small, make life difficult for others. That's why they fail. Ultimately, it's a temporary joy.

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When a person deals with sadness by intoxicants, they claim that it's a temporary joy. Well, it's a joy, I promise you it's temporary. And after that, you know what?

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It gets worse and worse from one thing to another, to a third to a fourth doesn't stop. So my brothers, my sisters,

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we look into ourselves when we're happy and excited in the same way when we're sad. Look at yourself, has it drawn you closer to Allah? Yes. Did you say in Allah Allah he were in LA Rajon, or did you praise Allah? Or did you remember him? Did you communicate with him? Did it improve you in your prayer? Did it improve you in your character and conduct? Did it connect you with Revelation because revelation is by far the most powerful remembrance of Allah? When people say, remember Allah? You know, in English, a lot of us because we translated the Arabic into English and sometimes you cannot do that properly. Because of the complex and meanings of the Arabic words. We say. Make

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the thicker or do thicker, do your thicker make your thicker right?

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Do you know the most powerful of victory you could ever make? He's actually just reading the Quran.

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It's the word of Allah. Someone says make the crusade I know I did. I just read one page of the Quran. That's a beautiful answer.

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Together with that SubhanAllah.

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Praise be to Allah Glory be to Allah. Allah is the Greatest. Those words are loved by Allah because you're supposed to be communicating with Allah. Through those words.

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You don't just pay lip service people say oh, so how many times should I do it? Yes. In some other car, there is a recommended number of times 3333 and so on. But in a lot of them, there's no recommended number of times. It's as much as you can, why you're talking to Allah.

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Oh Allah, I praise you. Praise be to you, Oh Allah, and you're talking to him. Whether it's in your heart, whether you've uttered it by tongue, whether you're alone, or whatever else, it may be talk to Allah communicate, he's your maker, he hears you, he responds. You have this reassurance building in your heart, you have a contentment that is coming forth. And you know what? It becomes so beautiful. That over time.

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Nothing bothers you. Nothing disconnects you from Allah, no amount of joy will ever disconnect you from Allah and no amount of sadness will ever disconnect you from Allah.

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Look at those whom Allah has mentioned in the Quran, the prophets and those whom Allah loves, look at them.

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When Allah Almighty mentions, for example, the Prophet Joseph use of alayhi salam or the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him. Do you know what you find?

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They went through problem after problem after problem. Each problem strengthened them even more use of Alayhis Salam did not give up when he was thrown into the well. He did not give up when he was sold. He did not give up when he was accused. He did not give up when he was imprisoned. He did not give up after that. Then he was called out and when he was called out, it didn't make him arrogant. He just knew the Promise of Allah is the truth.

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And I swear the Promise of Allah is the truth. If Allah has promised you something, it's coming, maybe not within five minutes, but within a few years.

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And lot of us what we prayed for 10 years ago, 15 years ago, think about it, it's done. It's done.

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A lot of us what we prayed for 1015 years ago it's done.

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And sometimes if Allah wants you pray for something because he loves you, He doesn't give it to you because he knows what's going to happen. It happens it does happen. You know it nelta em Rahim Allah He mentions this in one of his books and and I love talking about it because it's so true.

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He says Allah is the most merciful

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and out of the Mercy of Allah upon a slave is when he is calling out to Allah.

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While Allah has favored him

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To be in a beautiful situation, he is calling out to Allah to remove him from that condition to another condition that he assumes is better for him but Allah knows this one here is better for you. So out of the Mercy of Allah, what does Allah do? What does mercy dictate? Does mercy dictate that I remove you from here and put you into something I know is bad for you? Or does mercy dictate that I leave you where you are? Because it's a bigger blessing and a gift for you? Tell me? What is the mercy?

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Come on, please, can you say someone

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stay where you are exactly.

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Is that not the Mercy of Allah? I mean, you're admitting it. It's the mercy of Allah to stay where you are. And you're thinking Allah didn't give me.

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And then he continues to say, but the Mercy of Allah is such that if this slave continues to make dua and make dua and supplicate and ask and cry and continue and continue and continue, the Mercy of Allah dictates that you know what?

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Let's let the slave have what he wants.

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Let's let the slave have what he wants. And as soon as he jumps into something he asked for, immediately realizes, you know what, I was better off where I was. So he now reverses his dua, and he says, oh, Allah, take me out of this. I want to go back to where I was. But Allah says,

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I kept you this way and out of My mercy when I saw you crying and crying and asking and pleading, and saying, My Lord doesn't hear my prayer. I then gave it to you. And now that you got what you asked for.

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This is what happened.

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And that's why you know, we're taught to,

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we are taught to do something known as St. Hara, what is st Hara is Tahara is seeking the guidance of Allah. So you want to open a business, you want to get married, you want to do something, you are major, and you're confused about it. If you're not confused about it, and you know, totally, then there's no point in doing the istikhara you can make a dua for blessings. You can ask Allah to grant you blessings. But if you're confused, you're not too sure you don't know. Then you ask Allah Oh Allah guide me, Oh Allah, if this is good for me, and the DUA is in Arabic, the Sahaba of the Allahu Anhu. Say, we learned this supplication, like, we used to learn a verse of the Quran. That's what

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they say. So it's important to know it, what does it say? Oh Allah, I seek your guidance from your knowledge. And I seek your guidance from your power for you know, and we don't know and you are all powerful, and we are not. You're able and we are not.

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And you are the Knower of the unseen we don't know the unseen. That's how the supplication goes. Then it says, Oh Allah, if you know that what I'm trying to achieve is better for me in my life. In my Deen my Deen means my faith and my future and so on, including my hereafter everything, obviously, then make it easy for me facilitate it for me, open my doors and grant me blessings in it. And if you know that, that thing is bad for me, what I would like to achieve or the particular thing I'm thinking about is bad for me, then keep it away from me. keep me away from eternity away from me, turn me away from it. Make me happy with what you have decreed. For me. That's the prayer.

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It's called a nice Takara if you only you knew the meaning, what did you say? Think about it. What did you ask Allah? You didn't say oh Allah if it's good for me show me a dream. Nobody's ever said that.

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A lot of people believe that. You know, you might get a good sign or two yes, no harm but

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you actually need to know people say how do I know the response of my st Hara? Go back and find out what you said. That's the response. You said oh, well, life is good for me make it easy and facilitated open the doors.

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So you get up the following morning and mashallah the doors are opening one after the other that's a sign Allah starting to open your doors. You get up the following morning and your doors are closing one after the other. That's the sign Allah is closing the doors

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that's what it is. That's the car

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so people say

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well, I did this is the Hara.

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Yes, you did.

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And you know what? I had a positive response.

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But now all the doors are closed.

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What did they mean? I saw a dream things were green. I saw posh plush garden. Beautiful horses. Did you say oh Allah. If this is good for me, show me a green garden with beautiful horses. You said Oh ALLAH opened the doors. The doors are closed.

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Close your eyes again. Gardens worked

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A become brown, dry. You won't see horses anymore you probably see donkeys. Allah grant us ease.

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So you need to know because people say I'm sad because I didn't miss the harp. And this is the hara was so positive. And when did you understand how to look into any Sahara? If the doors were closing it means it's negative. Let go. It's okay. My brothers, my sisters, a statement I want to make this evening powerful.

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Do not allow yourself to get attached to something you found on Earth to the degree that when it's taken away from you, you're totally lost.

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Did you hear what I just said?

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It's tough. Let me word it better. Instead of saying do not allow. Try your best not to allow maybe that's more human right? Because sometimes we get attached no matter who it is, even if it's another person.

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We all get attached. Right? We attach to who? Our parents, our spouses, our children to begin with our family members, our brothers and sisters perhaps and then what else? Then materialistic items, our cars, our watches our money. What else? Our houses, our accessories, our perfumes? Our phones attached to the degree that something happened to my phone and I'm just dead. No, man, come on. It's just a phone. To you. It's just a phone. It took me one year of a salary to buy this one big deal.

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My car scratched What's it? Oh, it's one of the latest vehicles costing 100 grand mashallah 100 grand, that's okay. It was bound to get scratched. Yes, you the attachment is human. But I'm saying not to the degree where

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if you lost it, it would disconnect you from Allah or it would shake you so much.

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More than anything, attachment to human beings is something that another human cannot avoid, especially when they're connected to you in by blood or by marriage.

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Or the goodness of the person you are attached to them. Maybe they benefited you with knowledge or with something they were a colleague of yours for the last 30 years. It definitely is a good attachment but not to the degree where if you lost them, you lose Allah in the process, no way, no chance. In fact, if you lose them, it should bring you closer to Allah. The initial huge shock or news of the loss will sway you for a few days. Hence, you have a few days to three days when you collect yourself again, what are you taught to do? Turn to Allah don't say any bad words, in not Allah who in LA Rajon cry if you if need be, it will help you. It's not prohibited to cry, shed

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tears. It's okay. It's healthy.

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It's therapeutic, shed tears.

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But not tears of questioning Allah because that happens to anyone and everyone. You're not the first person and you will not be the last person.

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So my brothers and sisters deal with loss by drawing yourself closer to Allah, that's the only way you will ever be able to deal with your loss. There is no other way. No other way. All the other methods are temporary.

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But when you draw yourself closer to Allah, I started off by saying it is a long term commitment. That's what it is.

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You become such a beautiful soul. And as you grow older,

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you get closer and closer to Allah. That's amazing.

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If a person is getting older and distant from Allah, that's very sad. But if a person is getting older and closer to Allah, good news, good news to them. And that's why Allah says, As time passes,

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we return you to energy levels

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of that.

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Have a child

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and even less.

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Allah says the weakness

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in the beginning of your life and right at the end, if you were given a long stretch of life is similar. In fact, the last one is worse because you've grown in size. That's why Allah says that when we're shaver in the Quran, he says two things. He says we've created you in weakness, then we give you strength, you get to a peak and after that you will feel yourself come down the mountain. No chance you have to.

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What have you clocked What have I clocked for example? 50 If you've clocked 50 Mashallah, you start going downhill you can feel it

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Do a hand is numb? Is that why you're 50? What else? Vision slightly blur why you're 50

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Forget 50 You're 40 nowadays people are unhealthy.

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Allah saying manage your food control your things. You know, I was explaining to some youngsters about food and I told him I said

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you guys better start controlling your food not youngsters, but people in their 30s

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and they said, but no, you know, our sustenance is written Oh, that's a good one.

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Everyone says my sustenance is written mashallah, we're sitting here at saffron and your sustenance is written so when the month comes, please much Mashallah.

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But when I told the guys I said, You know what, no, you got to control you got to know what's healthy for you. And what's unhealthy. One guy says, No, whatever's Halal is healthy. I said, but listen, the quantity of it, the quantity of it, so make sure you know what you're doing.

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And I just couldn't win with these guys until I thought of something.

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I said, Okay. If you say your sustenance is decreed I agree, it's decreed?

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Is it not true that every morsel you're going to put in your mouth is decreed? Yes, it is. So the number of muscles you're going to put in your mouth is written Do you agree says yes. Well, if you eat only five a day, you're going to stretch your life.

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You follow what I just said. You follow what I just said. It's just a way of getting to these guys to say Calm down, eat a bit less. Because if Allah has written five kilos of red meat for you, and you finish that within the day, he follows you gotta go now. But if that five kilos is going to be stretched over 50 years, inshallah you remain, because it allows an Epson linter Muda. Hatha to stick Miller is kaha. You need to know that a person will never die until every droplet of sustenance written next to their name is dished out to them completely. one grain of rice that's written for you is not going to miss you, before you die, you have to eat it, it has to go in.

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And if you look at it from the other angle, perhaps maybe some people might argue and say, Well, you know what?

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Everything is written. Yes, it is. I don't deny that. But it doesn't mean that you should just be you should be careless in the way you eat. Anyway, my brothers and sisters, I've spoken my time. I pray that Allah Almighty grant us goodness, I hope and pray that the day we are tested with sadness, we can navigate through it by developing a beautiful relationship with Allah.

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That was the theme of this evening. Sadness has come to me, it has come to you, it will come to me, perhaps in a greater way, it will come to you in a greater way. You're a human, you're allowed to feel sad, but what to do when you're sad and how to navigate through it. That's what we spoke about this evening. May Allah Almighty help us to become closer to Him. It is only with prayer and it is only with patients that Allah Almighty will open your doors and alleviate the sadness. So remember, bear patients upon what has befallen you. Think of the positives. While you're in the negative Allah took one thing away from you think about how many 1000s of things Allah has actually given you.

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And we know some things we say not replaceable, but Allah will replace it with something better in the hereafter. When you see the reward of your suburb, inshallah you won't be let down. May Allah grant us goodness Akula Kohli ha ha SallAllahu wasallam ala Nabina Muhammad