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Facing Reality – Marriage in a Changing World

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa sallahu wa salam ala Mallanna BIA Budda who was early he was so happy here Jemaine my brothers, my sisters, firstly, we seek the forgiveness of Allah Almighty For indeed, when we ask Allah to forgive us, He forgives us and when we constantly ask Allah to forgive us, he elevates our status on earth today, there are so many things happening, things that are pleasing to Allah and things that are displeasing to Allah.

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At times, as believers as Muslimeen, we know that we do some things that are displeasing to Allah, not because we're defying Allah, not because we want to show him that we are happy or proud to disobey Him. But because of human weakness, because we are human beings and out of human nature, sometimes we falter we earn, as the Hadith says, khulumani, the Maha Maha you will suffer in it to a boon. All the children of Adam will earn, they make mistakes, they commit sins, but the best from amongst those who commit sins often are those who repent often as well. To a boon, those who return to Allah, again and again, that term to worship refers to the one who repeatedly does something

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repeatedly turning back to Allah. It would mean we have committed the sin again and again, sometimes may Allah strengthen us so I start off by making mention of seeking the forgiveness of Allah because it is one of the best ways of preparing for the day that you are going to return to Allah. When a believer seeks forgiveness of Allah, he or she is convinced within his or her heart that Allah has heard. And Allah sees my sincerity and knows it. And Allah will forgive me and has forgiven me and I will not let Shaban come and make me doubt the mercy and forgiveness of Allah.

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Because it times,

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like I said, Because of human nature, when we falter, we find we seek the forgiveness of Allah. And we know that shaytaan had to trapped us but shaytan comes back to us after we sought Forgiveness of Allah subhanho wa taala. And he makes us think for a moment that no man, what you did is a little bit too big for Allah to forgive. It was very, very bad. You know, yesterday, someone sent me an email, telling me that they actually went forth to do some black magic on someone else. And they say, but I pray and I do this and I learned that that is actually association of partnership with Allah. If you do that the Hadith says man Sahara facut, Ashok, whoever does magic actually has

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associated partnership with Allah or involved in Schilke. So now that I know it was so bad, and by the way, what is it

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you know, to grab a doll and throw pins in it and put these little pieces of hair or whatever else or parts of the body or nails, fingernails, and so on, and to tie these strings and to blow in them and on them and to pull it this way and that way. All of that with the intention of magic is magic. All of that is actually evil. And that's what's being spoken about. If you read the last two sources of the Quran, the one where Allah Almighty speaks about in Surah, two falak, he says,

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could be or have been Fennec AMI shed Rhema kala or Misha Rivas, Ethan either Wakaba woman shed the Nefertiti feel about the war Misha Lee has it in either has said I'm going to leave it to you to find the translation in sha Allah of the surah. But the point I want to raise is how Allah mentions the protection in Allah from Shavon and from the blowing into the knots blowing into the knots. That's the magic. So what the sister says is, I'd like to seek the forgiveness of Allah but I heard that shirk is not forgiven by Allah.

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So what you heard is correct, but it is only correct. If you die without seeking the forgiveness of Allah when you're alive. You seek forgiveness, even from Sheikh and Allah will forgive you. So when Allah says in

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Maha funeral au Shah cabbie while helping field all my guna Valley, Cali Mani Masha.

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Allah will not forgive Sheikh against him that is committed, which means association of partnership with him. But besides that he will forgive whatever he wishes he is talking about if you die and you have not yet repented, that's what he's talking about. He's not saying that there are sins that you will commit that I will never forgive no whare humanity was yet ghoulishly his speaks about how his mercy encompasses absolutely everything. If a person was a disbeliever, and they turned to Islam, they uttered their Shahada. They believed in their heart, Allah wipes out all the bad deeds they've ever done before that.

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Don't you think a person who is a Muslim would also be deserving of similar cleansing if they were as a Muslim, to seek the forgiveness of Allah? Well, that's what the Prophet sallallahu wasallam says, At EBO minute them be common law Gambella, the one who seeks forgiveness from a sin, whatever the sin is, is just like the one who didn't commit the sin in the first place, especially when you've changed your life. So Allah Almighty has given us a great gift and that is

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the ability to seek forgiveness so easily, so easily seek the forgiveness of Allah. So when we seek the forgiveness of Allah, we don't doubt the Mercy of Allah, I told his sister, I said, you feel so bad, you're having sleepless nights, you recognize what you did was so wrong. If you're able to reverse what you did reverse it, and seek the forgiveness of Allah and understand he will forgive you.

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He will definitely forgive you. No matter what you've done. My brothers and sisters, can you see where we've gone?

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We're facing reality. Many people are engaging in things that they don't realize are actually satanic. They're actually for a believer unacceptable. Find out what these things are. I spoke about magic moments ago. But there are so many other things that we may be doing without realizing this is actually satanic. If not satanic, it is something that will earn the displeasure of Allah. It's not going to get me anywhere. Let me actually do what is right life is so short. Every other day we're hearing of people going back to Allah subhanho wa taala. That's why I said earlier, forgiveness.

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One of the best ways to prepare for the day that you're going to meet with Allah. Because when you die all your deeds, you will see them in front of you.

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Yo, Mataji don't go alone. I've seen amela mean cohering Bara on the day, every soul shall see all the deeds, the good deeds that it has done, present in front of them. Why am I me? Let me so Oh, in

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doula

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who am Adam Berry,

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and the bad deeds as well, we'll all be in front of the soul. And it will wish that there was a large gap between it and those sins. That's why when we're starting salah, one of the doers of this data, one of the supplications that you're able to make is Allah whom Abba and Benny will be in a Hapa. Yeah, come on by the banal majority will Maghrib Oh, Allah created distance between me and my sins.

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equivalent to that of the east from the West, you know, the distance east from the West, what you mean is, oh, Allah just create a huge distance between me and the sins I've committed, I don't want to be associated with these sins.

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You know, when a person's committed a crime, and they're convicted for the rest of their lives, whenever they fill in forms, they got to write convicted of more than 200 pounds of a crime, you know, and they got to write what it was and put a little bit of detail because now you're attached to it. There's never a time when you can say, well, that was a bit too far. No, you got to write it forever and ever. For as long as you're alive. Allah says, You know what? Yours we can wipe it out completely seek forgiveness. And you know what, ask Allah Oh, Allah create a distance between me and my sins because I don't want to be associated with these sins. I don't want to be known by them. How

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many of us have quit drugs, but 10 years later, you're trying to get married and the family here's this guy is a huge dealer.

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You heard that

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Oh, this guy is on drugs with this woman is on drugs. Wow. Subhan Allah

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may Allah Almighty grant us ease.

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Yet you've quit a long time back, but they will judge you by something you did long ago that you've quit for the last decade. But they judge you it will come up, they judge you by that Allah is the only one who judges you by your repentance, the rest of them judge you by your sin. And you've seen that. Allah is the only one who judges you by your repentance. The rest of them will judge you by your sin, even if you have quit the sin long, long back. So just be careful. My brothers, my sisters.

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This evening, I wish to go into a little bit more of

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the detail of what goes on.

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With our mobile phones, impact, we're facing reality I said yesterday, reality is that the world has changed technologically so advanced that we are confused. Many of us are baffled many of us don't even know what exactly we are standing upon today. You know why?

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Within the last week technology advanced, do you know about it? The answer is no. Perhaps I don't know either. But you're going to get to know it will impact your life, it will change your life. It has already changed your life a decade ago was not like today, two decades ago was not even like yesterday Subhanallah things have changed. So back in the day, marriage was very simple when we didn't know so many people, we did not have access to the lives of others be they filtered or unfiltered. We didn't know so many people. So we did not have so much to compare with when it was told Look, there is Option A or Option B option C we would be so happy mashallah got three options,

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and here we are, you meet person one, person two, you decide, okay, I've met person three as well. But I'd still like to get married to person two.

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And then comes person two, and they say, Well, you know what, I'm not really too keen on marrying this person. So now it doesn't work because you want to marry person to person who doesn't want to marry you. Now what happens? You got to just sell handling.

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And you got to settle for person three, right?

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And person three looks at you and you are the answer to their dua. Mashallah, you ended up getting married quite simple. And you live a beautiful life, you appreciate what you have? Because you know how difficult it was to get to that. Right? Guess what has happened? Guess what has happened? People started looking at us and saying, Oh, are you did you have an arranged marriage, by the way, and they look at you and it's like, oh, my mother just came to me and plopped this person in front of me and said, that's your wife.

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Thank you, mom. I love you, my darlin. That's not how it works. Not at all. But that's what they think has happened. Right? When you say arranged marriage, it could mean 10 different things. What do you mean by that? If you mean that someone came in plunked another person in front of me and said, Take no, that's not what happened. If that was the case, it's wrong. But

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arranged introductions. That's something that Islam teaches and recommends. And that's the original and proper way of doing things, and arranged introduction.

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So what would happen, ideally, a parent would come along and make suggestions or a family member would come along, or an elder or someone senior, or a friend, or whoever else it may be would come along and say, I have an idea. I'd like to introduce you to someone Mashallah. But the family knows about it, perhaps you know, and others would, you would have to get to know anyway. But thereafter, we would expect a meeting, and perhaps a follow up meeting, and perhaps a third meeting. And it is not just permissible, it is recommended to talk to someone you're intending to get married to, to communicate with them. Don't hide behind holiness and religion to say, I'm not going to communicate

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at all, no, communicate, there might just be a few skeletons in the closet Subhanallah you might just discover that the person you're talking to, he's not really interested in you, but they're trying to please someone in their broader circle, which you would only discover if you spoke to them a little bit more, you would see a disinterest. They're not interested in you. So you would gauge that, you know, this person's really not interested in marriage, but I don't know why they're telling me to meet them. And so you can then decline either either party can decline.

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And so if you say no, I'm not going to be getting married to this person. My bill

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Have a parent's just swallow it say okay, no problem. Let's move on, perhaps to someone else and maybe something else will crop up, don't get upset and angry and start blackmailing them. You know, if you don't marry this person, you're never going to get married as it is. You're 30 I know of people 35 who've got spouses that are the coolness of their eyes, they used to wear glasses, they no longer wear them. Mashallah,

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yes, the eyes are so cool hamdulillah because they wear contact lenses now.

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But my brothers and sisters, it has happened age for as long as you did not waste something that came in front of you don't worry, no matter how old you are, it's fine. You're never too old or too young. If something correct comes up, consider it no matter what phase of your life you're in. Say, for example, I decided to you know what, I'm going to make sure that I finished my university, I get my degree, I start working, and I'm going to do X Y, Zed, and then perhaps I'll think about getting married. And then at university, there is a proposition that comes up that is too good to be true. Consider that from Allah, consider it look into it. If it really is what you thought it was. I'll

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tell you what, things can change in life, you can go for it.

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That's my piece of advice. It's not revelation from the heavens, by the way.

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But as a father, as a person who's been a counselor for the better part of two decades, I can tell you that you know what, consider it, it's okay, you're a bit young, you might have had a few dreams, dreams can always be adjusted, but you don't lose something that's coming. I mean, not for the Muslims, but for the others who might have won a lottery of a few million, you know, your life might change at that particular juncture. So this is a different type of a lottery, mashallah, you've just won something. Wow. So Allah, you know, if things can change, don't become too stubborn. And too, there's nothing that is written, you know, hard and fast about this particular matter.

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But if nothing has come up, no problem. Keep on doing what you have to. And then you can also start, you can also start showing an interest. And this is where we say, facing the reality, my beloved parents, my beloved children, if you've come across someone because of real life situations, I told you the ideal is an introduction. But that which may happen because of the reality of the globe changing and we need to embrace within what is permissible, I am fully permitted.

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Male or female, to come up to my family, my parents, my whoever, my elder brother, or whoever else it may be and say, Listen, I've come across someone I believe is potential spouse, would you help me find out a bit more or make sure that I'm not making a mistake? Now we pause for a moment, let's face another reality. The problem with us is we develop a haram relationship and donate our hearts free of charge to this charity known as a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And we've given them the heart and the soul before we've involved the first family member. So we were blinded to all their faults, and then we come up and want to impose it on everyone and say, You know what, I'm going to marry

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this jackal from down the road. They said, but you're going to be bitten but I love being bitten. They called Love Bites. Subhanallah

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you can't say that Subhanallah but that's what it is. The whole family the whole lot are telling you you're making the biggest blunder and you say well if I'm 18 already if you guys are gonna stop me I'm gonna create a police order against you guys peace and I'm gonna do my thing. Wow. You were born to us by Allah we looked after you we change your nappies. And by the way, it was quite smelly. And thereafter we we actually got you up we sent you to the schools we did whatever we had to we've fed you. We clothed you we had sleepless nights for you. And today you're saying peace?

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Just over a jackal. Subhanallah Subhanallah Hera Bill al Amin.

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Wow.

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So if everyone is telling you you're making a mistake, chances are you probably are. But guess what love is nine Mashallah. Love his mind. I told you, you no longer need glasses. You know why sometimes you take him off so you can't really see. That's what it is.

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My brothers and sisters, let's face reality. Don't make mistakes. Don't donate your heart before involving your folks. Your folks come before anyone else and their advice. Mostly is genuine, unless you have folks who have not embraced

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reality.

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Then all you got to do is play them this talk. What else right? It's being recorded right now. You can go and say I've got a talk I'd like you to listen to Here goes. My beloved parents. You better make sure you don't say no for nothing. We told them right.

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But in essence, my brothers and sisters the mistake we're making

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He's we're developing relationships on the phone. You see lol?

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What does it mean by the way? What does lol stand for?

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Laugh out loud. But when you pull your glasses off, it stands for lots of love, right? Because that's all you see lol.

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You know, you're gone because those are words, you're living with words Subhanallah I've known of so many cases of people who fallen in love on the phone. And in reality when they've met, they were like, Oh, God, is this the person? Wow, they were so cute when it was typed Subhanallah they knew how to fire those emojis one after the other and I was like, oh gosh, I've even divorced my wife or my husband in preparation for this. Nevermind jackal hyena, Allah bless us. Allah grant us ease. It's happening. We don't realize that we are conned because you know what? Emotions, emotions are running high. And people every marriage and every relationship and in every home, you will have

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fluctuations of emotions and feelings. It's not the same every day One day is more one day is less one day you have an issue one day not one day you on edge and one day mashallah you in the bank center of the circle.

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So a day that they might have caught you when you're not feeling so, you know,

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up to it. You might have confided in someone and they might have told you oh no, they shouldn't be doing that and this and that. What happens? Then the next time something goes wrong, you're confiding in an anonymous person completely. You don't even know them. Nothing. Don't worry, trust me. May Allah bless you that dua mashallah, that dua? What does the DA do the DA you say? I mean to it, by all means, but shaitan comes in make you get used to eating sympathy so pious, you know, they pray five times a day, they give us so many who are they actually so amazing. They said, You know what?

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If you have just donated your soul and your heart and your feelings to someone that you've just met on the phone, and you haven't evolved your folks, chances are if you marry them, they Yes, you may be able to get on, but it's going to be a massive sacrifice either way, and a lot of those marriages do not last as long as you think they do. Somebody needs to vet vet, the vetting process needs to happen by a third party who is not involved in a lot of cases. Some cases you might be fortunate, okay, Mashallah. You want to marry this person? Someone, someone somewhere knows them and inshallah it's okay, let it happen. Sometimes your folks might have to allow you to make a big mistake,

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knowing that it's a big blunder simply because there's no other way you haven't given them an option. That's it.

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And when you get married, mashallah after the honeymoon period, subhanAllah what happens?

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Somebody messages me a few days ago and says, What do I do with this man? Before I married him, he said, I'm gonna quit weed as soon as we get married. And now I've been married for a few years. It's just increased and increased and increased. I said, in that case, you didn't have a wedding. You had a wedding

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He fooled you. He brought wheat to the wedding itself. What did it make it made it a wedding? Subhan Allah. May Allah Subhana Allah, Allah grant us ease.

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What are you going to do now? Don't believe someone who's going to tell you I will change? They will tell you Look, I changed. I have changed. That's it. Marry you or not marry you. I have changed. I know of non Muslims who have quit bad habits simply because wow, the wife was pregnant. They said no, I'm gonna be a father. I'm not going to do this anymore. I want to be a role model to my kids. And here you have Muslims Muslims wife is pregnant. You're having an affair with someone else. Why? Because you know what? I pregnant woman and so

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let's say to get the stuff in Allah. Yeah, man. I see some men here saying it quite loud, man. I'm the law.

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My brothers, my sisters face the reality. We have been emotionally trapped at times because of the mobile device. We see things that do not exist. We see people that are not real. We see things that are not the way they are. When you look at someone you fall in love with someone online. Ask yourself what is it that I have fallen in love with? You might think well, it's the dean and the luck, right? We always say he the commenter. bernadina Who Luca who was a widow who if someone comes to you, and their deen is satisfactory, which means their connection with Allah and their level of character and conduct is satisfactory, then allow the marriage if both parties would like to get

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them

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married boy and girl, the bride and groom are both interested in each other let it be because the dean is okay. The o'clock is okay. But hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

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Do you know the norms and traditions and the cultures that you've been brought up with him actually do play a role to a degree

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in whether or not your marriage is going to be prosperous. And that's why if you're a very cultural person, and your broader family is extremely cultured to a specific culture, you probably wouldn't even be able to eat the food of the person you're trying to get married to simply because they love something totally different. I went to one country and they were offering me the food of this particular country and mashallah, they were crazy over it. I could not even bear the smell of it.

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I promise you and what should I do? Can I tell them that? No, I can't. It's beautiful food. I don't want to insult a gift of Allah. They love it to pieces but imagine being married to someone as beautiful as their deen is as lovely as their o'clock is you here busy wishing for something and the two of you do not see eye to eye on matters of daily importance. Food is a minor thing. But it's there I am a counselor I can tell you we've had issues of this nature

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Subhanallah

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I was going through a hadith earlier today with someone the hadith of hula what is a cola you know divorce happens where the man issues that alarm to a woman that's called an arc it's called a divorce right then the other one is when the woman has no reason but she just doesn't like the guy she doesn't want him anymore she can request for a hula the profits are seldom a woman came to him and said that this man is a good man. He's he's done whatever he provides. He does this but I just don't like him. I don't want to be with him. And the Prophet SAW Selim tried with her and then says to him, called him and said, What did you give as a Mahara? He said I gave a garden and orchard. Are

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you prepared to give it back? He asked her she says yes, I'm prepared to give it back. He looked at him and he said, take the orchard back and give her that Hola. So that's exactly what he did. That's the primary source of the hola which means the woman is giving back her Mahara and getting that alot. What's the reasoning? I don't really have a proper reasoning. It's okay. I just don't like it. You know what, I'm married you and your body odor is too much for me to handle. It's a fact it's happened. I've had people who get married and to someone they met online a lot of the times, but they didn't smell them Subhanallah it's a reality.

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You could take a page from the shower.

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And another from something known as underarm by the way. It's a fact some people don't bother they don't care their nails or whatever they don't mind about their pubic hairs they don't mind about anything. And married and you know what?

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Okay.

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That's how it becomes what do you do? You got to come up and say listen, everything's okay. He provides he's a good guy. He's we read the salah is a club is Dean is in place, but I don't want to stay with him.

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I can't tell you why.

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Whatever it is. So it's called the cooler. Now what the men do these days is they say, No, I want to I gave you five bucks. When we got married, you need to pay me 5000 bucks. That's the reason why in some cultures, they charge you 100 grand. Why they say so that the day I say I want to holla at you scratch your head and think about it and say Okay, give me 95 grand at least back.

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But it's not about a deal in Islam, it's a matter of honor. It's a matter of being reasonable. Come on, there's something wrong, give that Allah It's okay. It's not the first or the last. And by the way, when there are children involved, it's not you and not him, not her, not him. It's up to Allah, what happens there and just follow what Allah says, Allah says, access is with one side and custody is with the other. But it must be honorable and respectable. The problem with us is we fight, we fight to the degree that we don't allow this one to see or to hear. And we contaminate the ears of the kids about the other one. What's the point? Here your kids, both of you, may Allah protect all

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of us and make us honorable parents.

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So the third one is something known as a first. What's the first it's a nullification? nullification of the marriage is not allowed. It's just a cancellation of what happened. So you got married, and a few years later, the man was abusing or he was not providing or he was not satisfying, or whatever. A lot of there are a lot of reasons. And they all have detailed for them. You can apply for an allocation on some of those grounds. And what you do is you apply to a group of scholars or if you're in a country where they have quotes, Islamic Courts, you apply to the court you give your reasons and so on. They might call the parties and verify a few things and they will issue you with

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a decree stating that you are no longer married from this day on Wow.

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It's called a fast, fast

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and it's called an annulment or

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an early vacation.

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A lot of men get very angry when that happens but welcome, we're gonna teach the women mashallah

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especially in Birmingham.

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My brothers, my sisters notices knowledge, I'm just letting you know Islam is actually balanced. It's not many people look at us and they say, oh, like I said earlier, guys, did you have an arranged marriage and they look at us Wallahi they're ignorant. Sometimes they look at us as though oh, you know, I really don't want to be these people. But I'm just there. I tell you what the kids of those who have had decent marriages, may Allah make all of us from among them.

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You see it in the children, you see, when children witnessed the love and affection between parents, the time you spent to look at each other and smile and say good words and, and words of love and romance Wallah, he, it empowers them, Wallah, he, it empowers them. The problem is, they're on their phones, and you're on your phones, and everyone's on their phones. And even when you phone, the emergencies, they're on their phones and what else

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Subhanallah everyone's on their phones.

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So let's be careful, let's face reality. Don't allow yourself to be conned by something that you see online. And you've donated your emotions and everything I'm saying people get married. And in all honesty, I'm not saying it's wrong, because sometimes that's a good way of doing things, you now have access to so many people. So what has happened, it's become more difficult to get married. Back in the day, when we didn't have access, it was a bit easier. Because we just, you know, we did whatever we could now we have access. So each one of the people want to marry someone that doesn't really exist in real life. Because even the one you were looking at and going crazy over having

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sleepless nights and some dreams I can't even talk about doesn't exist, because that's a photo of my brother.

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That's a filter. And by the way, with artificial intelligence, it could just be a robot.

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I promised you I said, No, I was just like this. What do you think it's a commodity or something? You went to Tesco and buy another packet of Jaffa Cakes? Not at all.

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May Allah protect us. Allah protect us.

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Reality.

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You need to meet people physically, you need to make sure you've involved family, that's your family come on. Sometimes they might be a bit old school, you can talk to them. You can, you can try to explain to them.

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Sometimes they have a point. And sometimes that point you're blinded to it. Because you know what, you're already gone. You've given and donated every single thing. I've had so many cases where people say, this is the only person I want to marry my parents and dead against it. They'll never allow it. But I'm never going to marry anyone. But I don't wish to hurt my parents. I mean, what are you asking me? You've got to hurt someone somewhere? Do you understand what I'm saying? You either hurt them or you hurt them? Who do you want to hurt? Well, I love my parents, they've done so much for me. I don't want to hurt them. But this is the only guy I'm going to marry? Well the answer for

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that is we'll keep trying with them. Keep talking to them keep bringing up and embarrassing or whatever else. It may be a very difficult topic with them. It's not embarrassing, actually. But it's very difficult with them. So you got to bring it up in here, whatever they say all the time, bring it up 100 200 times, if that's what it is, until they are pleased and they may never ever be so now what? Well, if Allah has created a barrier somewhere, it probably means he doesn't want it to be but do you understand that? No, you don't. Why don't you because you don't know the meaning of the simple dua that you repeat, known as da obviously Hara. People come and say, Chef, please tell us

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how to do is the Hara. So the chef says, Well, you you do this, you pray in this way. You you read this particular supplication. And then you ask Allah subhanahu wa taala guidance and then you see what happens.

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So everyone knows they read the DUA. They do whatever prayers they have to and they're waiting, waiting for what

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what do you normally wait for

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a sign what's the sign usually?

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Can someone say loudly?

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A dream, a dream.

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A dream.

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Go back and read the meaning of that dua. It has nothing to do with the dream you said oh Allah if this is good for me, my de my future my Ophira then make it easy for me facilitated for me and give me baraka and blessings in it. What did you say? Make it easy for me give grant me blessings in it.

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Make you facilitate it for me. That's what you said. You didn't say? Oh Allah. If it is good for me then show me green.

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But I can tell you if you turn around there are quite a few green lights. You know what they're depicting exits.

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Billahi the green there it says exit there's a guy running away

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and quite a few of them in this hole. Mashallah. So green doesn't always mean go for it. Sometimes it means get out.

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Right? You didn't ever say oh Allah. If this thing is good for me show me green in my dream so you get up the following morning is when I'm feeling so good. I was on an horse galloping through the beautiful mountains of West Hills. Mashallah. And I saw a castle there. And mashallah, there was Rapunzel with her hair Subhanallah and I was there calling? What are you talking about me is the hara Are you for real is the hara, and your parents are against it, and all the roads are blocked and everything you see, listen to the rest of the DA. The DA says, Oh Allah, if it is not good for me in your knowledge, because you know, and I don't know. And if it is not good for my faith, and my

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connection with you, and my livelihood, and my future and my akhira, then turn it away from me turned me away from it, block me from it, block it from me, and make me happy with the decree you've chosen for me. That's what you say.

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So the roads are all blocked. That's a sign that Allah doesn't want it to happen.

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So people might say, well, when do I recognize the sign? Have you tried your best? Yes, you have. You've tried to explain? Yes. You've tried to talk? Yes. You've tried to say whatever. Yes. Is nobody conference, is there no movement this way? No, in fact, the movement is the other way. They becoming threatening they doing this and well then close the door and move on. But I can't and I won't. Sometimes you can't and you won't. Because your relationship with that person has already gone so far that you're embarrassed to pull back. Don't be still pulled back. Don't worry Nevermore whatever it was, you can still pull back. It's probably Allah telling you you know what, rather now

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than later.

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But I can't, you can. But I can't you can.

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Allah make it easy.

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We do not have whatever we want on earth. At times, we have to compromise you can't always have everything you want. Sometimes you have to compromise even for big things. That's Allah, Allah knows the type of children you're going to have from the person that you want to be with. And he knows that's not going to be a good thing for you. So do you know what, as much as the guy might be a decent guy, but you know what, we want you to have beautiful kids who are going to be the coolness of your eyes. So therefore we'd like you to get married to another person altogether.

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But no.

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I'm not saying don't try to achieve what you want. Now you do try you could you could involve scholars, you could involve people for you, especially when you're writing and those blocking you are wrong. But sometimes you haven't considered things because let's face reality, we didn't live with the person. The only thing we know about them is because we saw them at work or saw them at school. And when we saw them we only saw the common factors. Wait until you go home and you see how they work the hierarchy of the pharaoh Subhanallah and then you're like, gosh, is this your home? Is this really your house? So you show your father? Oh, wow. Okay.

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Next day you don't even go to work Subhanallah it can happen. So you've got to involve someone to meet to see where am I going to stay? Who are the people I'm going to mix with? What's what's the whole situation if I'm going to be all on my own? It makes life easier. If I'm going to be with the whole group of people none of them like me Wallah. What do you want to do in that home? What do you want to do in that home when nobody in the entire home that you will be living in physically even want to look at your face? What on earth do you think you're getting yourself into? face reality will still say?

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No, that's the only thing I want Subhanallah no sooner do you get into it, then you realize that you know what, this is the biggest mistake I've made. But now I will tell you, you can still get out. You can still come out. Okay. It's not like we're promoting divorce. But we're telling you if you recognize the red flags one after the other, you know what, don't think that you're going to convert them into something else

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get help.

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So, this topic will go on and on and on. Because you know we face reality the reality is we have interacted with people of different cultures, different communities, mashallah, many times. If they're second generation, third generation, it becomes easier because the norms are similar. And people then begin to understand a specific type of life. So they would be able to live in in such a way that if you were to go if you are a person from some ethnic background living in the western country, third, fourth generation, if you were to go back to your ethnic roots to look for a spouse, chances are

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You probably wouldn't get along with someone of your own ethnicity and culture coming from back home in a way that you would with someone from a totally different background who grew up with you and lived in your midst. Chances are, so Islam does not teach you to differentiate and distinguish between races and so on and so forth. But Islam says, recognize and acknowledge the differences respectfully, we recognize the difference in language, not in order to discriminate in order to acknowledge and appreciate that's what it is. Sometimes you may not fit in, I know a brother, who married the sister from a certain background.

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The divorce happened simply because that family always spoke in their ethnic language in his presence for years or a few years. And each time they spoke, they looked at him and they laughed, and he raised the issue so many times, I feel like you guys are talking about me, please speak in English in the language we all understand. And it did not happen. And it did not happen. And it kept on not happening until it created a major issue and the wife's family seem to have felt that there's nothing wrong with it. What's wrong, we only speaking a different language. But if the Hadith says, Do not speak in another language, when there are three of you in a way that one doesn't understand

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what if that's your own spouse, don't you think is going to create a disaster? You can't keep on doing that. So if you are in a group or your spouse is there, the rest of your family tell them in the midst of this spouse? Please speak a language he or she would understand in order to respect the person. How does it feel when they keep speaking in another language, especially when they keep looking at you and laughing? Come on, he stumped.

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It's irritating, or like, it gets to a point when you feel like punching someone. Right? Come on, guys. And they'll tell you what, who told you not to learn the language? Hey, hey, relax. I'd rather sit and learn the Quran than this crappy language here. Still for Allah. May Allah grant us ease. Anyway, my brothers and sisters, I've spoken for my 14 minutes. I pray that we have at least tackled a small issue on the theme of facing the reality. And I pray that Allah help us in our marriages. Let's work on them work very hard. You have to sacrifice. Don't compare what you have you have it? Work on it. And if you don't, if you're not married yet, May Allah help you and guide you to make

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the correct decisions. I pray. I really pray that you can involve your folks and your parents. In the early stages when you're still show when you have a slight interest in someone involved them at that juncture. And Allah will help you and guide you. May Allah make us parents also whom our children will be proud of the way we deal with matters and things that arise in their lives. And may Allah help every one of us in a way that as we progress in age we actually progress in our connection with him to and inshallah we meet with him in the best of conditions. Akula Kohli SallAllahu wasallam Island Amina Muhammad