Channel: Abu Bakr Zoud
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Next question. I was abused by my in laws verbally. They have apologized as well. But I can't forget, neither do I feel like talking to them? Am I doing anything? Correct? Because I believe Allah doesn't forgive the person who doesn't forgive others. Also, what if I just keep quiet about this? will not discuss much with anything? And I won't talk to them much. Is that okay? So pretty much the gist? It's um
but no, no, I want to first ask a question. What was your husband all this time? And what role did your husband play in this case, any the husband, your husband, he must defend you. And he must protect you. Especially in the case here, if you're saying that you were innocent, and you hadn't done anything to harm your in laws, and they just began to abuse you and insulted verbally and so on, then where was your husband, he should have stood and defended you. And he should have confronted these parents, of course in a polite in a polite manner, and discuss the matter with them and put a stop to this. And if he had seen that it is best to keep both of you away than he should
have done this. It shouldn't have reached the point where you continuously were abused and abuse carried on for many years. For this year. That's the first thing that I wanted to bring to attention. That is where it was the husband. The husband is supposed to play a role in protecting his wife, if his parents begin to abuse his wife. While she's innocent, having had done nothing wrong. The other thing he lt is that Allah azza wa jal leases, or social height, since you're seeing now that they have apologized, and they want to move forward, they're remorseful for what they had done. Then I say to you that Allah azza wa jal has said also hide, reconciliation is always better.
Reconciliation is always better. You might have children, I don't know you might have children here with your husband. And so these children,
your in laws, are your children's grandparents, so there's always going to be that relationship. So it's best if you're able to reconcile, then go ahead and do that reconcile with it. As for forgiving them, then really that is up to there are of course many eight, an Aaron many a hadith that encourage a person to forgive those who deserve to be forgiven. And if they deserve your forgiveness, if you've seen sincerity from them, and they've apologized, and they've acknowledged their own, and they know what they have done is wrong, and they know it and you can see it from them. Then why wouldn't you forgive right? Since they are deserving of your forgiveness, if you
believe that they have shown enough remorse, then go ahead. When the visa Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, when I said Allahu Abdullah they often Larissa Some people believe that if they accept someone's apology and they forgive, then that means that weakness, however Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, when the servant of Allah forgives, Allah only increases him in honor and dignity. So if you felt like you're going to be weak in front of them, now know that before Allah, you are honored, and you're a dignified, so there is no issue. As we said, it's up to you. You may forgive. And then after that, you perhaps might feel that you want to limit your interaction and your
involvement with them. Until you feel ready to begin a new chapter with them. It's all up to you. And the in laws do not count as a line. They are not the blood relatives that are supposed to be any in where you're supposed to maintain ties with in laws don't have that relationship with a person. So I recommend that just like Allah azza wa jal said was solely to hide, reconcile if you're able to forgive if you're able to if they deserve the forgiveness and you've seen complete remorse and sincere apologies from the end. And may Allah azza wa jal reconcile the hearts now.
Check in many cases I've seen and I know but three cases personally that I know that I've had three divorces, and a lot of it happens
when they get married, new, the husband can't rent or he doesn't want to rent he wants to save to buy a house, whatever it is, so he marries his girl moves into his house. Okay, all of you. Now, obviously, there's a trend of the granny flat the back and they live and then it causes tension between the wife and the mother in law. And you see a lot of the times the husband gets stuck in the middle. And just to follow up on what you said as well about the whilst they do console you they reconcile, everything's fixed they, there's always that tension afterwards. How would you get rid of that?
Jani asked a few things that are important that perhaps we need to add to that something else that is common. And that is sometimes a person puts Jani his wife in his parents house, and he ends up living in his parents house for for many years. And
the wife in this case would like to know, what's her right? Can her husband keep her in that house or not? We see here, that the wife in Islam, from her rights is a house that is for her, that has its separate entry and exit, has its own kitchen and bathroom and sleep room, separate from any other people. Why? Because in Islam, a woman is supposed to adorn herself to her husband, and she always Yanik she has to be adorning herself to her husband beautify herself the house, but and this cannot be achieved. She it cannot be achieved over time, if she is inside the house of someone else, or she is with his parents, and so on. It becomes very difficult for a woman now to express her
beauty and her adornment for her husband, because she's in a situation like this, at the same time. And I don't know, sometimes people can afford rent. But just to save
a few 100 a week, they decide to just remain in their parents house. If a person is able to rent, then this is impermissible. It is impermissible to remain in your parents house, because you have taken a ride of the woman that belongs to her. And as a husband, you're supposed to fulfill the rights or as spouses you're supposed to fulfill the rights of one another. In the case that you mentioned where let's say there's a granny flat, the husband has to be wise to allow the husband has to be wise, if this is causing a lot of tension. Perhaps it's better for him to move his old family from there and move somewhere else. And better than this, that he meant the hearts bring them
together between his wife and his parents. Right, then a person, his parents, Jani, these are his parents, he has to give them that respect, and that honor in his life, no one will ever replace your parents. But only if not a child, no one, the parents are on top. And this is a lesson, you're supposed to teach your children from the end your wife and your family from the very beginning. From the very, very beginning, you're supposed to teach this lesson, you go on to your family. And you say to them, my parents, no one comes before them. They are the first in my life. Make that clear from the very, very beginning. So that the wife is prepared, but what is to come afterwards. And
most like of course, the only the wife that contributes towards her husband's relationship with his parents, she is rewarded for it. If a wife makes it easy for her husband, that he continues relationship with his parents and makes it easy for him. She is rewarded for this she earns reward. And similarly the husband that makes it easy for his wife, for her to maintain ties with her family and her parents, he earns reward. Even if it's difficult and troubling upon him. Whatever it is, there is reward in this now and both spouses are supposed to make it easy for each other, to visit each other's parents and to look after each other's parents. This is from the greatest reasons of
divorce today is the respect that the spouses don't have for each other's in laws. This is on the rise. This is from the greatest reasons that I have seen concerning divorce the spouses, and then not getting along with each other's in laws. In order to avoid this from the very beginning. You need to instill this lesson and come into common terms with this.
For a wife, she has parents, you need to acknowledge as a husband, you need to know this. This is a father and mother. They raised her for many years. They looked after her for many years. And now they are giving her to you as a wife. That doesn't mean they've cut their relationship with it. This is still their daughter. So now you need to understand this. And you need to respect this fact. And you need to be a help and an aid and a support for your wife to maintain ties with a family and get her parents gifts. And visit them every often and call them and see if they need anything. In return. Your wife would begin to love You more and more. So you gain more of her love more of her
loyalty more of her appreciation. And this works in the opposite manner as well for a wife to learn that her husband has been raised in his
parents house for many, many years, and they're too going to be affected, that their son now is leaving the house. Finally, that's it, he won't return to the house as a child anymore. He goes, he's with his wife now. So you need to understand that don't make it difficult for him to cut ties with his family. Don't make it difficult for him to do that. Rather aid him and support him in looking after his parents and visiting them. Ask him, did you see your father today? Did you call your mother today? Do this keep pushing, and give going gift his family gift your in laws, go and gift his family. Look after them. Ask about them. If they need anything, all of this, it's not an
obligation. But this is goodness it is goodness. And in return, the husband begins to appreciate you more love you more. There is more support, there is more loyalty. And this goodness in this marriage. That's the only way you're going to Jonnie destroy this problem that is found in many marriages. Otherwise, if there's this kind of
any distance, and there are these issues, it only gets worse the children see it affects them and everyone's traumatized. And Allahu Allah what happens after that now Mala Juana