Earn On-Going Rewards Now
Ramadan 2009 – Cape Town – Day 25 Marriage Part 2
Channel: Mufti Menk
Series: Mufti Menk - Ramadan 2009
File Size: 12.70MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
smilla he will hamdu lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Heba Allah, Allah He was happy here woman instead of the Buddha who by All praise is indeed due to Allah subhanho wa Taala blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and all the messengers whom Allah subhanho wa Taala had sent to mankind to remove them from darkness to light, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless us all who are seated here this evening, to bless every single one of us who will be listening. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us all goodness and our offspring those to come up to the day of the AMA, may Allah subhanho wa Taala keep us all steadfast in sha Allah, and may He
keep us on the right path. I mean, on our beloved brothers and sisters and dearest listeners, as I had promised, we will be continuing with the topic of marriage that we had commenced yesterday, because it is a very serious topic, and we would love and we would like to see happier homes across the globe. We need to know what we are taught by the creator of myself and yourselves as well as the creator of entire creation, regarding how we should be living in sha Allah. We had mentioned many points yesterday, I am not going to go back through them we spoke for almost an hour, we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala, to accept the words we've uttered, and to let them ring in our ears so that
whenever we have a problem, or whenever we have even a day of happiness, we will be able to bear in mind the decree of the Creator inshallah.
The issue that I'm going to commence with this evening is the issue of problems and difficulty in marriage. It is normal and natural, that two people who are brought up in totally different homes with totally different likes and dislikes, sometimes with entire different schools they've went to and different communities they've lived in, it is only normal and natural that they have at times differences. And these differences are not unnatural. They are something that really we should understand we need to prepare for and keep ourselves equipped. A Winner is the one who knows how to handle difference of opinion. The first rule the golden rule, always listen, that is why it is
reported that you have two ears and one mouth, we would have had two mouths and one set of ears or should I say it doesn't even want to come out of my mouth to be honest with you. One year, it's impossible to have had that Allahu Akbar, we need to listen more than we actually speak Alhamdulillah and let's listen to the opinion of our own spouses, our children, our parents, our in laws, at least let them in ear listen to what they are trying to say. If they come up with something better than what you have which is closer to what the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala lies in then definitely give up your opinion and surrender to this. It is not a match where it is in where
people think that it is my view or I will definitely not surrender No, they say my way or highway. We don't want to listen to that type of statement in Sharla. We want to listen to what others have to say. We want to listen to their views and at the same time where it is reasonable where it is understandable. Alhamdulillah be broad minded and at the same time be tolerant for as long as it does not earn the Wrath of Allah subhanho wa Taala We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant that to us. Now when there is a problem or a dispute between husband and wife, the first step the Quran speaks about in Surah An Nisa Allah subhanahu wa taala tells us that it is important that the two of
them open the doors of communication and communicate with one another as to what is the problem. Yesterday we spoke about the importance of communication in marriage. And I remember very clearly mentioning that it is very important to have an open relation between husband and wife, you need to be able to speak sometimes one of the two might be more jocular than the other, adjust to the other inshallah. Sometimes one of the spouses likes to joke a little bit more than the other and the other gets offended. That's not good enough, try to understand the other, let the doors of communication be open. inshallah, if there is a matter of problem you have faced a difficulty, you have an issue
you'd like to address, address it as soon as possible. Don't leave it for the next day because that is detrimental. In the evening what happens it hibernates and it grows and it multiplies by the time the morning comes the problem is double fold or triple fold Allahu Akbar May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us.
So that is why it is important we speak and we speak with respect without using abusive words without using vulgar language. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us understanding and this is why Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us in Surah to Nisha
What Enigma to me
for in aloha Bhima dama Luna Bobby,
Allah subhanho wa Taala says, when a woman is fearing that her husband may become evil, or is being bad and so on, at the time of a dispute where you find the man is standing away from you, then it is best to arrive at a solution between the two of you resolve it in one way or another. There are certain details mentioned in these verses, which I'm not going to go into. But the crux and the message we need to take back is where Allah subhanho wa Taala says was sown.
It is better for you to resolve your matters between the two of you. And we went through quite a bit yesterday. I told you I'm not going to repeat it, but let me say one word inshallah, that it is very, very important that we understand one another and put ourselves in each other's shoes. Last night, someone came to me after I said that and told me my wife wears high heels. If I go into her shoes, I'll probably drop luck. But the reality is, there is on a lighter note, we know what is meant by this, that we need to try and look at it from their angle and see what they are trying to say. Allah subhanho wa Taala help us to resolve our matters.
Remember one thing, never ever discuss your marital problems with the public because tomorrow you will solve your problem and the whole public will be talking about how you are not getting on with your spouse, they won't know that the problem is solved. A fool is the one who can discuss his own problems of the house with the general public. Sometimes even your closest friends do not need to know what is going on in your own house. Because they will not know how to handle that news and information. Sometimes people are waiting for you to have a problem. And then when you tell them they start saying and hamdulillah May Allah protect us those are hypocrisy. Those are not proper
Muslims. Sometimes people are happy at your loss and they are sad that your gain so therefore keep your happiness and your sadness within your home in sha Allah, if you'd like to share happiness with those who are genuine Alhamdulillah but as for sadness, even those who are genuine, keep them out of the picture initially, as per the instruction of Allah subhanho wa Taala resolve it between the two of you directly. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us do that. Remember one thing let's not be petty in our marriages, some small item a small little thing, possibly a little mistake and so on that might have repeated itself once or twice, don't become petty. Learn to forgive and forget.
Forgiveness begins at home we know the English thing. Charity begins at home. But it does not end at home as well. You know that just came to my mind now inshallah we'll get to that. But to start with when we say charity begins at home, you'd like to smile, start smiling at home first, you'd like to be good you'd like to forgive start forgiving at home first. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us and don't misinterpret that saying, as though it would now mean that I need to be good only in the house and the rest of the places I don't have to be good or I should help only within my close circle and I should not broaden the circle No, then slowly but surely the circle should then become bigger. May
Allah subhanho wa Taala help us be good to absolutely everyone in sha Allah as far as possible.
Then if the method is still not resolved, sometimes it's a bigger problem. It is something that the two of them cannot solve themselves because of some reason Allah says in the Quran and I've just read the verse before you will leave it
goes to show a simple translation of that is men booze towards himself all the time. Men is very miserly when it comes towards his own things. Quite stingy. If I can use that word. Sure, is the highest level of stinginess, may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. When it comes to you and someone else You are always right, they are always wrong. That is the general nature of men. So the winner is the one who can look at the other side and learn to say, Look, I'm wrong. I'm sorry. And really I won't. I won't repeat that again. So what if you have to say that once, twice, three times, so long as the problem is resolved, and it's your own spouse, handler, your own children, your own
parents? What's wrong with that? Alhamdulillah Allah subhanho wa Taala help us? If the problem is not resolved, we are allowed to take it further. How can we take it further? Now say for example, if a man has a wife, who doesn't listen at all, who really doesn't want to fulfill her role, who doesn't want to understand anything at all? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from
Such women we spoke about that yesterday where we said, It is not a competition who is more powerful in the home, that's not the competition. The competition is who can fulfill the role better than the other, Allahu Akbar, be a good mother in the house, be a good father in the house, let the father not trying to be the mother in the home, the decisions of what formula to feed the children, let it be the mother's inshallah, that department leave it for her, let her go and try and find out unless obviously the husband is a pediatrician. May Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant us understanding.
and thereafter, there are other decisions you need to leave for the males, let them be the males of the home. It is not about or a battle Allahu Akbar, it is some competition with one another in order to see who fulfills their role better, and not who is more dominating and more powerful, believe me, when you fulfill your role in the correct manner, you will be able to succeed both in this world as well as in the life after death. So Allah subhanho wa Taala didn't tell the men that if you'd like, what you could do to resolve the problem is show a slight bit of this interest. Maybe you can turn away slightly, not so much that it will compound the problem, but you need to employ your intellect.
And this is why Allah gives us options. And Allah says, Look, there are three four things that you could do employee that which is the most effective in your house. Sometimes if you turn away a little bit, she might turn away completely. So that shows who dominates May Allah protect us all.
But if you were for example, maybe not to speak as much as you did possibly not to smile, making it clear what the problem is. Not just arrive at home and suddenly you stop talking, no one knows. You know, jabril alehissalaam stopped coming. He doesn't come to us anymore. We are not prophets. Don't expect revelation from the heavens to drop down to tell them what is the problem. You need to speak communicate, say look, this is the issue. I'm not very happy about it. And you know, we'd like to see what we can do about it, try and resolve it. If it's not yet resolved, at least they would know why you are upset. A day is more than enough. One simple action, which shows this interest is enough
for a female who has a brain inshallah, and for a male as well who has a brain May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all understanding. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala says that if that still does not help, you may decide to sleep on the couch. Really sleeping on the couch is a term that we use. Yes, we understand what that means is you turned away in the bedroom, you might want to face the other direction Allahu Akbar, you might want to sleep for example, in another set of bedding May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding and never let us be from amongst those whose problems even get to that.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us resolve our marital problems for those who have problems Believe me these auspicious nights of the month of Ramadan, they are no coincidence that we are discussing this. It is a plan from Allah directed at every single person who is listening Subhana Allah if this message has got to you it was created for your ears. It was not meant to miss you. masataka lamea Coolio aka that which got to your ears or that which got to you in any way was never ever meant to miss you. Allah landed to get to your ears or to get to you if it is sustenance. So we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us and to guide us. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala uses a term that a lot of
the people in this world have misunderstood, he says
and this is a very, very powerful tip and I hope we understand and listen to it very carefully because we don't want any misunderstanding. What Lachey Takapuna who shows
La Hoya Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Those whom you fear that they have now turned away or they have become unruly, they are misbehaving from your spouse's meaning from your wives, or they are evil or they have some bad characteristics in them. You should employ the most effective method to resolve the matter and the problem you may want to fix. I see some actually smiling at me they're wondering what I'm about to say about those who understand the Arabic language are waiting for the translation. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding you may want to address her directly to give a warning that is one and you may want to separate the bidding that is too and you may want
to tap her low on the terms baba baba does not mean to beat. It does not mean to beat many Koreans. You open them and they will tell you to beat her. That is the wrong translation. Let me give you evidence to prove what I'm saying. The Sahaba the Allahu anhu
Have you ever beat their wives, they used a sea whack whack is a small stick like a toothbrush. And they kept a woman who didn't want to look in that direction to even listen to what the problem is to draw her attention. That is how they interpreted this number one. Number two is the verb is used in a moment that you should do upon the dog does not mean to beat it means to tap the earth. If Baba meant only to beat, then that would mean when we are doing tempo, we would have to slap the earth until our hands go rate low. So remember one thing if barraba when it comes to a young mom does not mean to beat but it rather means just to put your hand on, then you should remember women are more
delicate than the Earth and the story of Allahu Akbar.
Another point of evidence to prove that physical abuse is haram in Islam is that a woman has the right to seek nullification of her marriage if she is beaten up and thoroughly abused physically, why would she be allowed to apply for a nullification if beating was permissible? Common Sense, Allahu Akbar. And this is where the kuffar the enemies of Islam, those who have little knowledge of Islam, those who serve the needs to get the knowledge of Islam, those who answer the questions that creep up whilst reading the translation of the Quran themselves. For them, they don't know they don't understand either intentionally or unintentionally. They don't realize that in the Arabic
language when one word is used, it's sometimes has more than 35 different meanings. So
we need to look at how the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu interpreted that verse and what they did as a result, and we need to look at all the different terminologies and remember something if you are to beat your wife nowadays, she might get up and beat you even more thoroughly Allahu Akbar. So be careful how many people we have that are complaining about husband bashing, Allahu Akbar. Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us it is true. You find the men coming for your Salah. Very, very early automatically, you know there's a problem then suddenly, you see a blue sky on the top of his head. And then you think for a moment that that is a sign of this to do that he has been engaged in all
night. But it is not Subhan Allah May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us protection.
So beating is something that really is the wrong word to use. Because nowadays when you say beat up your wife, it is criminal behavior. May Allah subhanho wa Taala understand May he make us understand that having been said we will never delete that word Baba from the Quran, we believe it we understand it and we know that we should be drawing the attention of the womenfolk whenever sometimes out of the nature of a woman, she just talks and stops and looks in the other direction, you may want to then draw her attention with a little bit of energy May Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant us understanding.
So that is diverse and i that is what I wanted to mention regarding this particular verse to clarify a misconception which is in a lot of people's minds, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding
and again, there is no need to be frightened of that this there is no need to delete it. In fact, if one thinks for a moment that there is something wrong with it, they may be just losing their Eman. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. The Quran has no loopholes in it, and it does not have anything oppressive in it. It is full of peace and the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Let's look what else Allah subhanho wa Taala says, If you try that as well and the problem did not resolve or you are unable to come to a solution, then you employ one member of your family who is senior who is respectable refutable and lets her employ one member of her family who is respectable and refutable.
One representative from either side, inshallah, the two of them must be told exactly what the problem is. They the two representatives must sit together and arrive at a solution and impose it on these two on the husband and wife SubhanAllah.
Because sometimes what happens you come with something very reasonable for one of the two spouses and they say no, I'm not prepared to listen. No, that's it. No, that's fine. Oh no, I'm going home. No, this no that Allah subhanho wa Taala says, we're in Kiev to shake off our beanie man. If you are now fearing a split between the two of them. Then before you allow them to actually split you need to employ another method. Notice how the Quran has not spoken about divorce immediately. It speaks about resolving it one way then another way then go to another level and a different level. And it shows that all marriages have at least a little bit of turbulence. Sometimes your boat will rock
very slightly. Sometimes you might find a hole in the boat May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us really. So Allah says savato hakama
Li Hua hakama
a point one represent
entative from his family who is refutable respectable, one representative from her family who is refutable respectable. And Allah subhanho wa Taala says that
was in love.
If the two of them are really interested in resolving the matter, then Allah will help them to resolve it. And this brings us to a powerful point of the Quran. The Quran is telling us that when you have a problem, if your intention is to solve it, you will be able to solve it. But if your intention is to prove who was right and who was wrong, you are not going to solve your problem you will end up proving who was right and wrong, maybe without solving the problem. Remember when you are married, when you are living together, there is no point in trying to find out who was right and who was wrong sometimes, sometimes you just need to help resolve some of the meta starts and you
will need to learn a new chapter begin on a clean slate insha Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us achieve that. So Allah says, if you really intend to resolve the matters, then you will be able to resolve them in sha Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us genuine those who might have problems if you are listening tonight. Remember one thing open your heart and ask yourself am I just trying to prove who was right and who was wrong Subhan Allah we once had a bit of a problem with a couple and as hamdulillah by the will of Allah after explaining to them that you are not supposed to be trying to look at who was right and who was wrong here 10 a new leaf and stop discussing the past
because if you bring back past issues what happens is you will go back to square one so Mashallah, they both agreed, husband and wife were both working out Mashallah. And as they were walking out wife says, You see, I knew I was always right. And the problem started they have to turn back and come back for counseling once again. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection and understanding really, there is no point in going back to square one. Let us try and sit and think do we want to solve do we want to help? Especially Subhan Allah when Allah subhanho wa Taala has kept you with such goodness, with so much blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala we have children we have
offspring we have in laws, we have relatives by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala Why do we want to mess it up overnight? May Allah subhanahu wa Allah grant us understanding and May He grant us an opening, then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us that definitely Allah is high, the two people if they still cannot resolve the problem, there are two people from either party, one person from each party, if they still cannot come up with a solution. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Now I will have mercy on you.
I won't force you to live in that situation. You may now come out of that marriage Allahu Akbar. Because you've tried everything you've left no stone unturned. Now. It is a blessing of Allah subhanho wa Taala that he has shown you a way out without oppressing the other party.
zoji vanetta cotillion in Accra, Maha we're in a Baba ha la mia Halima get your daughter's married to people who are conscious of Allah. If they love them, they will honor them. If they do not love them for some reason, and there is a problem, they will send them home in one piece without oppressing them. It is a blessing and a gift. When a female has been sent home without being beaten and broken her bones without being oppressed. The men P is Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala help us resolve our matters may not get to that today for the smallest of issues. I know of an incidence and a true incident. And I'm going to say it here even if those involved happened to be listening, where
there was a woman a bride who could not pass the salad to the groom, on the occasion of the walima and he issued the word Palak. Immediately in front of everyone, Allahu Akbar, and he divorced his wife he told her if you can't pass me the salad here now what are you going to do for me later on. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us such people are definitely the comrades of shaitan May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. That is not how you play with the laws of Allah, that is a very sacred word, you do not utter it. And you need to know something that is very, very important. And that is, it is part of and compulsory upon every one of us to learn the laws of divorce before we married. If
you are married, and you don't know the laws of divorce, you better know them tonight before tomorrow morning. Because it is foolish to have a gun. And you don't know what the trigger is all about. Allahu Akbar. So many people own guns, they don't know what the trigger is all about. So they face it squarely to their forehead and they fire the fire to three shots when they say you know what, I didn't know what the trigger was all about. Allahu Akbar. You want to marry without knowing the laws of divorce, you are a fool. You will crack your skull into 10 pieces then you want to come to Allah and ask for help. Why didn't you find out what that trigger was all about? Allahu Akbar.
So we need to realize when we come to weddings that Allah invited to give talks Mashallah they can
I'm not talking about divorce on the occasion of marriage because that will spell doom for those who are getting together. They will say, I'm never going to call this alum again. Allahu Akbar. He wants to talk about divorce when we are getting married. But the reality is,
we need to know the laws of divorce before we married. Before you drive your car, you need a license, you can't just have a car, jump into it and not know what the red traffic light is all about. Allahu Akbar. That's what we are doing. Every time youngsters are getting married. It is our duty to take the rules of divorce in a booklet form or CT form and give it to them and say, brother, before you even go there, please read this because you might terminate your marriage and you don't even know Salah can do when he was done. There are three things when you are joking about them they occur. And when you are being serious about them, they still occur. They have nothing to do with
your underlying intention. Even if you are joking. When you are joking about Nika, you will get married. When you are joking about palekh you will be divorced. When you are joking about freeing a slave the slave will be free. These are the laws of Allah Subhana Allah so don't ever joke about divorce, because it is actually valid and it will occur. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us.
The same way that you don't joke with a live ammunition by facing it to people you never ever do that. Not even jokingly because you might pull the trigger by mistake and then you've had it. The same applies to these laws of Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us understand that the laws of Allah, they are sacred laws, you do not threaten a female to say I will divorce you, I'll divorce you tomorrow, you're going home and the following day, you might and you will descend that may happen and this, you don't use that as a threat. You either resolve your problems or you send her home in one piece. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all protection and
So Allah subhanho wa Taala then says that if you really have to divorce, how do you divorce, you issue one pallet just one, only one and you make sure you ask that Allah before you utter any words, or before you write anything, you make sure you utter one. And you utter one in a condition where the woman has been cleansed after a menstrual cycle and you have not touched her after that, in terms of you have not been intimate with her after the last menstrual cycle, then you issue her with one Palak. And that will be an eerie vote sorry, a revocable ballot known as Roger de, you will then have the chance to take it back. Or if a period of three menstrual cycles passes after that, and you
have not yet taken her back. In that particular case she is now no longer your wife, she is free to married someone else he or she is free to also get back to you in the new nikka because you only issued one policy, you did not issue a second or a third. So you would be allowed to take her back if you took her back for the second time. Then what happened is,
say for example, within that period of three months, you took her back, you had another problem. You sent her home again, you issued her with another color. Then within the within the three menstrual cycles. You took her back again. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala says that's the last time you can take her back. Now if you were to give her a third follow up, then you are not allowed to get back to her again. Because now it doesn't make sense for her to keep on trying with you. Twice is enough. Allah says in the Quran, Allah Kumar
for insert goobie Mousavi notice three,
divorce is twice after that you will have to make up your mind you either keep her with goodness, or you release it with goodness. So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells that to us. And it's amazing how powerful that law is. Because after you have now issued the third follow up after trying twice, properly, when you issue the third one, she can no longer marry you until and unless she has without your interference married someone else and naturally normally could not get on with him. Now if she is divorced from that second person. Naturally she might have been comparing while she was there, she might have now understood and realized now it would make sense for her if she came back to you
with a totally new concept of what marriage is all about appreciating who you are. So now she can come back. It is not just an old folk law which says if you divorce a woman she must first marry someone else before she can get back to you. That is a foolish understanding. It is a deep Islamic well rooted foundation that is definitely from the Creator Himself. He says you divorce her with one column.
This business of a person issuing three padlocks is extremely dangerous. It is like a person who comes up and has three bullets and fires them all at once and then tells you look I didn't mean it. Allahu Akbar.
They want to go to the allama to find out now what is the story here? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us and grant us all understanding. You never issue three you only ever after one, three is out of the question. A lot of us when we are young, we hear the words Salah, Allah, Allah, Allah He those words are dangerous. That's not how you divorce a woman that is more fulfilled than an animal. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us Really? You've lived with someone you married them, you took them with the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala How can you release them even in a way that dogs wouldn't release their own opposite sex? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us? Really, then we
want to come and cry and do this and do that. Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala Have mercy on us. You release her was one you try to resolve if you happen to resolve Alhamdulillah let her get back. If then second time it happens and the problem repeats itself or a new problem and she goes away with another philosopher and you happen to bring her back even the second time the third Palouse that is issued now rendus death Palazzo mukalla which means it We arrived at a high level it is a serious solemn palace. You can't get back to her just like that. lets her now carry on in her life lo Akbar if some way down the line and it is very rare for this to happen, that she would then
get married and then she would be divorced once again from that men as well. Now she has an option together with you to say Do you know what if we'd like to get back I really appreciate I understand and so on and now I can compare it's chalk and cheese and what have you now you can get back Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant us protection and understanding. Now if Allah subhanho wa Taala has stipulated this Allah subhanho wa Taala then tells us when you are divorced properly, he says don't engage in mudslinging. Nobody must start saying you know she was like this and she was like that and you know he did this and he did that and he was like this. If that is what you are going to do your
future in your life is going to be a disaster. That is ullas instruction or Allah has said that that is what will happen if you are engaging in mudslinging after you have in after you have been divorced or after you have divorced.
Then definitely you are not a good Muslim, because a true Muslim Allah Subhana Allah Allah says in Surah tallac three times fear Allah fear Allah when it comes to talking about the spouse who is divorced or who has been divorced, may Allah subhanho wa Taala protectors and Allah says if you are going to be conscious of Allah He will open your doors very quickly. Listen to what he says in Surah tala
Eva who has moved in
law who Nicola.
If you are going to be conscious of Allah, you are going to fear Allah subhanho wa Taala. After the divorce. Allah says, He will open the doors for you and He will show you an opening and grant you a spouse from a place that you hadn't ever dreamed of and will law he that works Allahu Akbar, Allah will get you married as soon as possible to someone even better on condition that after that Allah you are fearful of Allah, you are conscious you Don't utter bad words about the one who divorced you or the one whom you divorce. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us and grant us understanding. Allah says he will sustain you and provide for you also a spouse and much more than a spouse from a
position where you had never ever imagined. And Allah says in Surah Nisa was a
Was he an Hakeem?
If as a last resort, you have decided to divorce Allah says that is the mercy from me. If it is the last resort and you have divorced following all the steps, then Allah says I will grant both spouses who have now been divorced, I will grant them goodness because Allah has lots and lots of goodness. Allah subhanho wa Taala goodness is not just closed to one of the two parties.
If it didn't work, it didn't work for your information. A lot of the Sahaba if not majority of them have also been through divorce. Majority of the companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam have been through divorce, but they were not shackled by culture like us. If the marriage didn't work, they sent the woman home with respect with dignity, they still got on better than anything with that family Allahu Akbar, and nobody bad mouth anyone. There was one Sahabi May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding who divorced a woman and went to his friend and said, Look, I didn't get along with her, but I think she would make a good wife for you.
And when he married her Allahu Akbar, and they were still friends, those are the type of people we have. We have been overtaken by the Eastern culture whereby divorce is a crime you need to punish the individual you need to talk bad about them you need to prove who was right and wrong. You need to keep the kids away from them you need to do this then you need to really all that is falling into the trap of shape and it will make your life a misery will lie if that is what you have done. Tonight is the night to repent to Allah subhanho wa Taala to open the doors. Divorce is a gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Yes, it might be the most detested of Allah things, but it is still a way
out. There are other religions who don't allow you to divorce. Once you are married. You can never ever part ways until death May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant guidance to those who have been through divorce or who have divorced. And we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us abstain from mudslinging. And because Allah He, I swear by Allah, anyone who engages in mudslinging, they will pay for it before they die, their life will be a misery, they will not taste goodness, they will never, ever have happiness and bliss in their lives. Even if they want to lie to themselves that I am content only inside they would know that I haven't
tasted happiness since the time I missed my tongue speaking against her or speaking against him or punishing him or her with the children and so on. That is a grave test of Allah subhanho wa Taala divorce isn't divorce is an action which opens the doors of new acts of worships Allahu Akbar, the act of worship of being the act of worship of allowing either custody or access to the other spouse or to the divorced individual only comes into play after divorce. So in the same way that Nika is an action or Nika is a union marriage is a union that opens the doors for many other acts of worship such as looking after your family members or your relatives, the relatives have now increased and so
on. There are many acts of worship that are now opened as a result of marriage. That is why it is called half of your faith. In the same way that that opens doors divorce is also a very big test from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Only to see whether after the divorce you will fulfill those acts of worship that you did not have an opportunity to fulfill had you not gone through that divorce. That is a very powerful statement. If you are to think about it, may Allah subhanho wa Taala open the doors for every one of us.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala says he will provide for both he will provide for everyone May Allah subhanho wa Taala really grant us understanding also, what is prohibited according to the Quran is when a man takes a specimen, and he says I promise that I am never ever or I swear by Allah that I'm not going to be intimate with you. If he tells that to his wife, and four months have passed it is known as Isla De La Nina yo Luna min Nisa.
busara Bharti Ashmore, they have four months to break that promise you cannot promise one whom you are married to taking an oath by the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala to say, I'm definitely not going to be intimate with you. If that is the case, why did you get married? If four months have passed, then she may seek to nullify that marriage with Allah or in in in a Muslim country. With the course with a Sheree? Of course, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us understanding. This does not mean that if the marriage has not been consummated for more than four months, with the happiness of both parties, or without this particular oath, then it's suddenly broken. It doesn't just break
automatically. No. And if the two parties have not been intimate for a long, long time, if they both are okay with it, there's nothing wrong, the marriage is intact. But when a man comes after a problem or for whatever reason and swears by Allah, that he is not going to be intimate with his wife. In that particular case, he for months have left she has the right to seek nullification of that particular marriage. May Allah Subhana which Allah grant us understanding. This brings me to yet another point when a woman complains about the husband, even Allah subhanho wa Taala listens and he responds and retaliates on her behalf.
Listen to what he says one day there was a woman who came to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam, known as El mujer de la The one who came to talk to the Prophet salatu salam to try and tell him to dispute to say, Look, my husband is being vulgar. He's doing this to me. He has told me that you and my mother are equal. So now you can go away Allahu Akbar, you and my mother equal Allahu Akbar, what a statement that is known as we have. We have a very, very dangerous statement in the Sharia. When you make your wife similar to a Muslim of yours and you tell her look, I am not interested now you can carry on that is very dangerous. So she says Look, I gave
To his children, I looked up to him he used me now when I'm old and now when I'm, you know, bent and what have you now he wants to throw me and discard me and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in the process of comforting her and telling her that Okay, you know what, let's try and see what can be done and what have you and so on. And as she was walking away, this is where he viewed from Allah subhanho wa Taala
and the whole surah is named after this lady el mujer de la the beginning of the 28th part of the Quran. For the Sami Allahu taala knotty to giardino Kapisa Gina Watashi wa la la
la Akbar. Allah says Allah has heard the woman who came to you complaining about her husband and complaining to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah just heard your discussion, and here is the solution for your problem.
And the solution was presented doesn't show us that when a woman complains about her husband, sometimes she doesn't have anyone to actually help her. Sometimes, believe me, it is impossible for counselors to believe that a man of that status and caliber can actually be that vulgar and physically abusive to his wife. Sometimes people who are purporting themselves to be so religious, they are vulgar to their wives, they don't respect them, they beat them up. They don't even count them as human beings. And then when that woman complains, people will say but i think you know, you might not be really being very accurate with me, may Allah protect us. That is why Allah subhanho wa
Taala says, I listen, I hear here is the solution. Allahu Akbar Kabira Allah subhanho wa Taala opened the doors for all of us, and may He not make us from amongst those who are punished by him because of the way we treat our own offspring and our family members. So Allah Subhana which Allah tells us that whenever a person complains, definitely Allah subhanho wa Taala is always listening, he is always taking a record, he always knows the solutions are always there. But that having been said, we need to realize and understand that when you oppress a woman who is supposed to be under your authority, and under your guidance and guardianship, then who is going to help her If Allah
subhanho wa Taala doesn't. This is why it is very, very dangerous, to seek for a war with our Creator Himself. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us all. And then after the palace, Allah subhanho wa Taala says that there are some blocks that you cannot get back to this woman after you have divorced her in that way. And some types of divorce you can get back to her I've explained that partly, I'm not going to go into great depth because of time. But if that having been said, when you've issued one or two, you can still get back to her. The minute you've given a third one, you cannot get back to her until she gets to someone. And if she is naturally and normally without your
interference. If she is one day divorced from her from him as well. She may want to consider if you are also considering getting back May Allah subhanho wa Taala open the doors, then there is one type of separation when you can never ever get back no matter what happens.
And that is the separation after what is known as Leon. Leon means when you accuse your wife of having slept with another man, and you happen to take that accusation up to the courts of the Sharia, or to the panel of Allah and you happen to swear an oath that you are telling the truth and you saw it with your eyes, and she happens to swear an oath that you are telling a lie. Once she swears an oath that you are lying and you swore an oath that you are telling the truth, the two of you are separated forever and ever and ever, never to be able to get back again automatically just by that solemn oath. So this is not okay when you just accuse May Allah protect us when you accuse
you are a very big sinner, huge sinner, because we are not allowed to accuse in the Sharia, you are only allowed to speak from knowledge. When it comes to sexual misbehavior. You are only allowed to speak from knowledge what you have seen with your eyes, but you cannot just accuse people. If you have just accused someone it is a major major sin but it will not dissolve the marriage, it will not separate the two but when a person takes that up with the justice system in a Muslim country or with the panel of Allah in a non Muslim country, in that particular case, the niqab will then be invalidated forever and ever. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us all.
Then after the divorce, there is something known as an adapt in the Quran. Allah makes mention of it very clearly. If that means the waiting period of a woman, when a woman is divorced it she needs to wait for a moment she needs to wait for a period of three menstrual cycles to pass before she can get married to someone else in order to protect her. That is why Allah has made that clear for her and that is why Allah has stipulated it for her. Many women think that you know, let me tell you why.
Allah telling us we must sit and wait, why can't I get married the very next day. The truth is, when a person is divorced,
if they then get married the very next day, who will know whose child it is? If that woman then gets pregnant later on or if she gives birth very soon, people might then start spreading rumors about her that you see she was impregnated by someone else. So that's why the husband divorced. So protects her from that statement, tell her look for three complete menstrual cycles you will remain without getting married and you will remain indoors as far as you can, you will only come out for dire necessity during daylight hours. Otherwise, you must remain indoors, and you must not make up You must not wear clothing that that will display joy because people must not start thinking that
this woman is so happy. What would happen then is when she gets married people will say you know what she broke her marriage because she wanted to get to someone else to save you from that type of rumor which is very dangerous. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Wait for a minimum of three months which means three menstrual cycles for those who don't have menstrual cycles due to old age or menopause. The Quran says you must wait for three months May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding also it is not necessary nor is it Islamic to wear the color black in the period of that color. Black is not the color of morning in Islam. In Islam, you can wear whatever color you'd
like inshallah, for as long as it is a respectable refutable I'm talking about the women folk Alhamdulillah. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to protect us from the cultures of the West, and the cultures that are an Islamic that have crept into us. People actually think that in ekta, you must wear the color black, that is a color of mourning for the others not for us. Allah subhanho wa Taala Canada's understanding
and this is not a period of mourning, it is just a waiting period for your benefit. And Allah subhanho wa Taala says, one more call naka
fusina de la Taku that is the instruction of Allah, that a woman who is divorced must wait before she marries again for a period of three menstrual cycles. And there is not a long period of time where Allah subhanho wa Taala grant all our women folks the ability to adopt the laws of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
The only time you don't have to wait for that three month period is if you are marrying the same person whom you were divorced from in the case where he only issued one or two Deluxe Allahu Akbar. So if you are getting back to the same character, and I'm using the word character because if you've had such a big problem, he is no longer a man he's a character. May Allah protect us all. If you're getting back to him inshallah, what would happen is you would not have to wait for the end of that period, you would actually get back to him. If it is revocable then there is no point in actually having a new nikka because you can get back it's a vocable tala. If it is irrevocable, then you
would have to have a new Nika done. And in order to get to the details of this, you will have to go back to the books and you will have to learn the rules and the laws of Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding. Thereafter Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us that a person who commits adultery very interesting with the opening verses of Stuart noon. This is mentioned in Surah. Two no because a person who commits adultery, the newly snatched away from their faces and from their from their lives, the light is snatched away. So in order to know Allah subhanho wa Taala says, as their Neela Kiko in leser, neaton oceanica was the
in our machinic halimeda, meaning, if you pick up any translation into the English language, I've picked up quite a few and tried to look into them. The translation is not extremely accurate, because the Arabic words have more than one meaning, the term Nika does not necessarily mean marriage. It also means the act of intercourse or intimacy, it is also referred to as Nika. So when the Quran says as the Neela young Kiko mana hula yes me Illa de zania chin oshika as Ronnie la Yes, nee Illa Beeman, he has a near 10 o sharika. A woman or a man who is committing adultery is not committing adultery with anyone besides a woman who is equally guilty of the crime of adultery,
because if she was not, it would be rape. If she was not, it would be rape. So the difference between the two is that when a man is imposing himself and the woman does not want it, then it is rape. Or vice versa, it would also be rape. But Allah subhanho wa Taala says
When both of them are in the crime, they are both equally guilty of it and that is why the verse is there. And that is why Allah subhanho wa Taala says at the end Wahhabi Metallica meaning this act is haram upon the believers. Now, some translations say that a an adulterer will not marry a woman except if she is an adulterous or America or a and that is not correct, because many men who have committed adultery then go and marry women who are virgins, Allahu Akbar, they are investments that can happen. So it shows you that the translation of that verse is not accurate when it comes to the the English translation of it. If you see the word many, you must excuse the individual who
translated that around and you can cross it out and write the term
had sexual intercourse with or was intimate with, those are the terms you would actually be able to substitute that word marry with? We ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us understanding then one might ask, so why is the term musharaka the term oceanica is there because Allah is telling you that when a person is committing adultery, he is only committing adultery with an adulterous who is equally guilty of the crime or a oceanica who does not even consider it Haram. So she will tell you, I'm not adultery, it's not adultery. That's my partner Allahu Akbar. You can use the word partner or what have you. If you don't have any god, it is haram and it is adultery. So Allah says, When a person
commits adultery, they are one of two people they are committing adultery with either someone who considers it prohibited but is equally guilty of the crime. She would then be an adulterous or a person who is emotionally who does not believe in the deen who considers nothing wrong with it and is also involved in it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us and really we need to understand this. This is something that many people have failed to understand because we have not gone into the books of the sea and looked into reasons of Revelation and seeing deep what the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu may have understood. And this brings me back to that initial point I raised at the beginning of
the stalk about Dora by Audrey boo it does not only mean to beat it could mean to strike it could mean to tap just like when you are making your home or when you are striking the earth Some say you strike it something you tap it something you touch it and and hamdulillah all of it will get you to that turn when we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala protection and understanding.
Now as you can see, it seems like this topic is so important. We have still not completed it and inshallah we will continue it tomorrow by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala there are a few interesting examples that Allah subhanho wa Taala has given I think towards the end of Ramadan. Let's end inshallah on a note whereby we will really have taken some food for thought outside the month of Ramadan before I ended tonight and he shall I will just close for now with a promise inshallah, that tomorrow we will continue part three of this topic of marriage inshallah, before I end I'd like to remind you of one thing I told you at the beginning of Ramadan and that is when
Ramadan ends, a lot of us become the bad people we will before Ramadan, no, I want to give you that example of the computer when you worked on the computer for one whole month or for three hours or four hours and you've saved or for example, you've worked on WordPad or what have you for a long long time. And then suddenly you close the computer down and you forgot to save changes what happens you really feel so upset with yourself that I worked so hard I did so much and now I'm out I'm going to have to start again from where I was and I'm going to have to really rewrite and redo everything that I've had. Now the month of Ramadan is here we are all on a higher spiritual level voila, he
believed me to be sitting in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala at this time of the night to be listening to the word of Allah subhanho wa Taala that is a naturally understood very easily understood that this person is now on a higher level spiritually but when we exit the month of Ramadan we forget to save changes. So what happens the computer shuts down and we are back to where we were before Ramadan Allahu Akbar we need to wait now for the next time upon before we can get back this Ramadan inshallah think carefully before you move further save your changes every few minutes every day Save Changes inshallah. You click it if you want to know the icon is on the left
hand corner at the top, inshallah you save you press Save and inshallah it will help you so we press save every day inshallah. So until we meet again tomorrow let's say what we added today are sallallahu wasallam albaraka, Allah Nabina Muhammad Subhan Allah Subhana Allah home or the Hambrick Misha Laila Highlands anastasiou. Kona to boiling