Creating A Health Family Culture 02

share this pageShare Page
Moutasem al-Hameedy

Channel: Moutasem al-Hameedy

Episode Notes

Sheikh Moutasem informs us about the safe method’s on creating a healthy family culture. The Do’s and Dont’s. Presented at the Abu Huraira Center.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:03

Today, which might be good. inshallah, hopefully,

00:00:04--> 00:00:56

the last two days, I was addressing the parents mainly. And today inshallah we'll be addressing the teenagers and the younger ones in general, in general, the theme of this lecture will be basically a conversation with a child or a teenager who feels hurt or traumatized. And I will be talking, basically, I'll be addressing to the teenagers, the younger ones, and even the ones who used to be teenagers, but they have some hurts. And this hurt probably came to them from a parent, a father or mother, or a teacher, or a relative, or a friend, it could be, because in life, you know, when we are kids, we're very vulnerable. And it's easy for an outsider to take advantage of us. It's, we are

00:00:56--> 00:01:14

vulnerable as well to bullying from someone else in school or within the wider family. And it's possible as well that a love a loving caring parent, out of their extreme concern for their son or their daughter, there might cause some harm. It could be emotional, it could be sometimes physical.

00:01:16--> 00:02:05

And what happens this kind of hurt or trauma, it goes on sometimes to destroy this child's life. Or, to put it more accurately this person this child grows and then decides at some stage of their life. That's what happened to me was tragic, was a disaster. And I can't function like a normal human being anymore, anymore. Now, the reason is, well, why this topic was chosen is that oftentimes when people have issues and problems, they decide to misbehave in the sense, they decide to go into something that is hellam, that is forbidden, something that is bound to ruin their life and cause them a lot of trouble, like, for example, drugs, or maybe relationships outside the wedlock. And

00:02:05--> 00:02:07

sometimes, as I said, improper

00:02:09--> 00:02:12

unacceptable sexual orientation, or behavior.

00:02:14--> 00:02:31

Or maybe sometimes getting into, or being rebellious to parents unbeautiful and disrespectful to parents, or maybe deciding sometimes to give up faith altogether to give up a stem altogether. And to keep oneself disconnect completely from the Muslim community.

00:02:33--> 00:02:56

Usually, people have been through some kind of hurt, some kind of trauma, some kind of mistreatment, some kind of tragedy in their life, that left a scar in their hearts. They take this as the springboard and as the reason not to behave well not to hold themselves to a higher standard in life.

00:02:57--> 00:03:00

And this is merely a myth and a fallacy.

00:03:02--> 00:03:24

Because if you look around looking at statistics, by the way in North America, just to show you how even sometimes, sexual abuse and molestation is so common, and by the way, some people think when they have not been through this experience, they think it's quite easy. Or you can just forget about it and move on in life. statistics say North America, that

00:03:26--> 00:03:37

one out of three children, one out of three children has been has been subjected to some kind of sexual abuse and molestation.

00:03:39--> 00:03:45

And the majority of these cases, the molestation or the abuse happens from someone within the family.

00:03:48--> 00:04:24

This is emotionally very destructive, very disturbing. And this is a scar that stays with the person for the rest of their life. What about other emotional trauma? Some parents out of their love and concern for their children, they might be very strict. Maybe that's the kind of upbringing they had. That's the kind of ingrained environment they they grew up in. So they decide in order to raise their kids and cultivate them, they see that's the only way to be harsh with a child, be very strict, be very critical. chase after them, catch them doing mistakes and then punish them and discipline them. And be very critical of them put them down so that they become stronger.

00:04:26--> 00:04:29

toughen them up by being harsh with them.

00:04:32--> 00:04:44

As I said, this might sometimes work with a minority but with the majority This leaves an emotional scar in the heart. And sometimes specifically with sensitive children. There are human beings that are sensitive,

00:04:45--> 00:04:57

and they are not a minority. There are between 30 to 40% of children are emotionally sensitive. So for them, you might tell them off and think that's normal. But for them, this will leave them traumatized.

00:04:58--> 00:04:59

It will

00:05:00--> 00:05:10

risk, and it will shake their self image and their identity as a human being. And this will stay for them maybe for the rest of their life that they don't know how to handle that.

00:05:11--> 00:05:38

So this is why seeing this as the reason for many people to make mistakes. And by the way, I've been speaking to a brother from the UK that has an interest in the so called ex Muslims, so called ex Muslims. And he investigated some of the famous ones that have been writing books have been very vocal and public, they appear in public arenas, they show their

00:05:39--> 00:06:15

rejection for Islam, and why they actually share with people their story, or their so called story that we were Muslims were brought on Muslims, or we came into Islam at some stage, we practice Islam for such and such years will and this, we started this, we were practicing people know us, famous Muslim personalities, no, was very well, we're very close to them. And now, we're looking at Islam and doesn't make any sense then to say, blah, blah, blah. This is why the reasons these are the reasons the prophet SAW them or did this and that this doesn't make sense. This goes against humanity stem tells you to do this is against humanity. So this person had an interest. And he's

00:06:15--> 00:06:55

been investigating reading the books, and watching their meetings, the meetings, or the interviews they had on media outlets, or newspapers, and following personally, some of them having personal interviews with them. And he says, the common denominator among these people, these people went through some trauma early on in their lives, or through the years they practiced Islam. Sometimes people through our community, and we have to admit this, generally speaking in the Muslim community, you will find a lot of negativity. People are very reserved, good people are very reserved. Some people are very critical, because we come from different cultures, different cultural backgrounds,

00:06:55--> 00:07:34

and we communicate in different ways that and we don't necessarily understand each other very well, you might come across, you might want to advise someone, you want to teach someone, and you think you're doing them a favor. But in your culture, doing this in a harsh manner, is actually praiseworthy, and is good. So you go about approaching that person in your natural way, which is tough, and which is might be aggressive and critical. And that person really feels hurt. They're not used to that. So they take a personal grudge against against that they take it personal. And if it happens over and over again, these people become disillusioned with the Muslim community.

00:07:36--> 00:08:17

And if their faith is not strong enough, and if there is enough temptation on some side, and there is enough challenge approaching them from the opposite side, they might decide that they might lose their mental and heart toughness, their feet, the toughness of their faith, and they might actually succumb to doubting a man of faith, or start questioning it. Because human beings are not completely even logical. Even though I know this faith, I feel this faith is true. And I have enough logical reasons to believe in it. But if I'm emotionally hurt, this emotion, this emotional hurt, wants to express itself, it wants to be healed. And if it's not treated well, it will pop up from when you

00:08:17--> 00:08:54

suppress it, it will pop up from another side, and it wants to express itself and it will justify itself, it will find a way to rationalize that tendency. So a lot of those so called ex Muslim Muslims, according to this brother, who has been investigating the cases, he says, this reason pops up over and over again, with in most of the cases, these people were hurt by Muslims, either a family member, mainly a parent, or by the wider Muslim community, they've been mistreated, they have not been appreciated. They've been traumatized by the Muslim community, or at least maybe they were sensitive. So they couldn't take it.

00:08:55--> 00:09:31

And they kept that for years. And it kept, they kept processing it emotionally. And then it developed into a state of aversion and hatred to Islam and then questioning Muslims. Maybe all of these Muslims are not behaving well. Obviously, you know, when you when you are hurt by two, three people, you start to, we have a tendency to generalize. So you would look at every one around everyone in the Muslim community, in the sense that these people are no good. These people don't treat they don't have respect. They don't have mercy for one another. Everyone is concerned about themselves. Everyone is, you know, on the lookout for mistakes, they want to catch your mistakes.

00:09:31--> 00:09:58

They want to pinpoint your mistakes and make you feel bad about them. It's probably a handful of these people, a minority among Muslim community, but unfortunately, you know, we tend to generalize as human beings. That's how it works. And when you generalize, you'll always have you always be on the defensive against other people, you would expect them and you would interpret any words they say what a behavior that comes from them in a negative sense. Someone approaches you

00:09:59--> 00:09:59

straight away.

00:10:00--> 00:10:06

You're going to be on the defensive, thinking and anticipating that this person is approaching me to criticize me and put me down.

00:10:07--> 00:10:09

So you go into put on an attitude,

00:10:11--> 00:10:26

you'll be defensive, the person will pick up the attitude, why are you being aggressive towards me, where you are trying to defend yourself. So they will see an attitude from you that is aggressive, because you're trying to be defensive. So they will respond in kind.

00:10:28--> 00:10:32

And they will be somehow aggressive, because they're trying to be defensive.

00:10:33--> 00:10:54

So you both of you guys misinterpret each other. And by the way, this is the same mechanism that destroys marriages. If you want to destroy a marriage, just implant and doubt in the mind of the husband or the wife, about their spouse. That's it. They don't have to see evidence, they start to look at the wife. Oh, where did she go today? Why didn't she tell me?

00:10:57--> 00:11:07

Okay, she was supposed to be away for two hours. And now she spent three hours outside of the house. What did she do in that extra hour? What did she go? Who was she with? Who was she talking to?

00:11:09--> 00:11:43

You go and check her phone, right? Check the call log. Okay, numbers. Who did? Did she What did she talk to? She sees you spying on her phone? Trying to see what she was? She says, What's wrong with him? Why is he treating me like that, and it will show on your behavior, she will pick up the attitude. And it will become mutual from both sides, then escalates. And it gets to a point where these guys are these two spouses cannot solve it anymore. They cannot even speak the same language because you're coming from doubt. And the reason for that is one word.

00:11:44--> 00:12:27

One word. So that's the same mechanism. Anyway. So these a lot of these ex Muslims, basically, the reason for them to arrive at this conclusion or make this decision to leave Islam, whether it was genuine, real, maybe a real story, or was a fake and made up story, it seems to be that there is some kind of trauma or emotional pain that they went through some kind of mistreatment. So the reason we're talking about this today is that it's about the Muslim family and the challenges that face the Muslim family. So specifically talking today to the youth, that maybe you have been hurt by a parent, maybe your father was very harsh and critical and strict with you, maybe,

00:12:28--> 00:12:30

maybe your mother wasn't there for you.

00:12:32--> 00:13:08

Maybe she didn't listen to your complaints, maybe she didn't listen to your feelings. Maybe she wasn't supportive enough, maybe she didn't teach you enough what you needed to learn. Maybe your parents did not really prepare you to deal with the biggest society, maybe they did not prepare you to deal with the doubts that you are facing today. And the kind of aggression that you find and in society, you know, life is hard. Maybe you feel that it's not doing enough. And you look at other people that parents did better than your parents, you feel traumatized, you feel hurt, you feel less fortunate, and you take it on your parents. And the moment you do this, you start losing your life

00:13:08--> 00:13:09

and your future.

00:13:11--> 00:13:28

The nature of this life, and I say this repeatedly, the nature of this life, that it will never be rosy, it will never be nice and dandy. This life is a test. It's a challenge. There are ups and downs, there will be difficulties, there will be traumas there will be hurts,

00:13:29--> 00:13:42

you will have some very difficult circumstances to deal with, you will be mistreated. People will have evil suspicion about you, people will judge you, people will criticize you. Sometimes you will be even physically physically mistreated.

00:13:43--> 00:13:47

That's going to happen. Sometimes for the younger ones, you might be sexually molested.

00:13:50--> 00:13:54

I'm not saying this is all okay, this is wrong. And this is false. And the ones who

00:13:56--> 00:14:38

get involved in something like this, they will be punished by our last palitana allow it hold them to account. But what I'm saying if something bad happened in your life, from a parent or a relative, or a sibling, or a friend, or a teacher or a complete stranger, you don't have to spend your life living that trauma over and over again, and cancel your future life just for something happened in the past. Allah subhanaw taala gave us a very powerful core and very powerful core, which is like a recovery disk that no matter what happens in your life, you can recover and you can heal completely. And the hurt that you experienced or the trauma that you went through, could become a source of

00:14:38--> 00:14:39

inspiration in your life.

00:14:40--> 00:14:46

A source of inspiration in your life, how often you find in life, someone who's been for example, maybe

00:14:47--> 00:14:59

raped as a child. They decided later on, to heal and dedicate their life and not to live their life as a victim, but to dedicate their life to make sure to protect

00:15:00--> 00:15:49

People or to protect vulnerable children in similar position, how often how often someone was physically assaulted and attacked. And they decided to take up the challenge to rise up to the moment. And they learn some kind of self defense or martial arts. And they started teaching people for free, in poor communities in impoverished communities and countries to teach them how to defend themselves, how often a woman was attacked or was maybe sexually attacked, then she decided to create a system of verbal defense and physical defense to help women protect themselves against such attacks. And they made this the the message of their life or the calling of their life. And they

00:15:49--> 00:15:54

refused to succumb to a spirit of defeat that I have to live by that trauma.

00:15:56--> 00:16:04

Alhamdulillah most of us have not been through such a very severe trauma. Well, we have to go through a lot in order to heal from that and grow out of it.

00:16:07--> 00:16:49

But humans have the tendency to blow out of proportion and exaggerate whatever they went through. Whatever they went through. The other day, I was listening to one of the Muslim speaker and he was talking about people going through so much trauma, he was talking about people in who is used to be in Palestine, people in Burma today, people in Syria, people in Iraq, some people today in Egypt, and other countries, what they go through as children as well. The kind of murder and killing on blood and bodies that they see in their lives, the kind of viciousness and inhumanity that they witness on a daily basis, how they are violated day in and day out.

00:16:50--> 00:16:59

And he says, everyone has their own trauma. He mentioned the story of someone a very well off Muslim man, businessman in his community

00:17:00--> 00:17:42

that walked into his office and he was the Imam. He walked into his office and he was literally in tears. He was traumatized. And he was crying a man an adult who had children. He had a family, and he was crying, bitterly crying. So he said, I thought something bad happened in his family, he lost a child, he lost his spouse, or he lost his money, his business completely. So he asked for an appointment for a meeting and I sat with him. He said, I sat with him and asked him what was it he said, You know, every year I go, I take my children on vacation to Europe every year, but this year, I don't have enough finances to take my children to Europe. And I don't know how to tell my kids

00:17:42--> 00:17:44

that today we are this year, we can't go to Europe.

00:17:46--> 00:18:00

This week, he was traumatized. So we human beings regardless of what you went through, regardless of what you went through, we always find the trauma to hold on to enhance our pains, and our frustrations and mainly our failures on that.

00:18:03--> 00:18:09

Most humans do this, but the prophet SAW Selim tells us something very important. He says lacuna in maths

00:18:11--> 00:18:18

Lacan had to come in none none of you be in math. What's in math is more of a copycat

00:18:20--> 00:18:23

you just follow everyone else you copy everyone else copycat.

00:18:25--> 00:18:38

In as an unnatural I sent to myself a certain Don't be like ima if people do good, you do good if they do bad then you do bad. Well, I can work on fusa calm and either as a NASA centum

00:18:39--> 00:18:44

but make sure or make a commitment to yourself that if people do wrong you do well.

00:18:46--> 00:19:28

So the professor encouraged this kind of individuality where you do not succumb to a victim mentality. And this way the prophet SAW them again says in the Hadith, hello Salah in Phalke, you know, pay great attention and be so keen to get what is good for you, what is beneficial for you in matters of this dunya you want to grow in your studies you want to grow in your health, you want to grow socially, you want to grow professionally, you want to grow in whatever specialization you are in, in sports, wherever you have your aspirations, any field you want to grow there, then aerosol ama and fog seek and be keen to get whatever benefits you obviously within the legitimate and lawful

00:19:28--> 00:19:35

means. Was there in Billa he will attaches and not only in worldly matters, but in matters of the duty and matters of the deen

00:19:36--> 00:19:59

what most benefits you connection to a Lost Planet Allah, love for Allah. worship of Allah subhana wa tada following the Sunnah of the prophet SAW Selim learning your deen Islam so that you know the way that takes to paradise and you learn how to protect yourself from the punishment of Allah. And then the person or send them says, What's that and below he will attach it and seek the help of Allah and never

00:20:00--> 00:20:36

Fall in helplessness, never fall in helplessness, no matter what happens, no matter what you've been through. So I will share with you seven tips on how to avoid succumbing to this kind of victim mentality, no matter what the hurt you've been through is, no matter what the trauma that you had to go through was some tips that will help us rise above the challenge, heal our pains and our scars and move on in life and use these scars and these pains to propel us to do something of significance.

00:20:38--> 00:20:39

Number one,

00:20:41--> 00:20:44

believing in the decree of Allah subhanho wa Taala

00:20:45--> 00:21:03

learning and knowing for sure that everything that happens in your life was destined to happen. And it was written in a book and it was documented that it could not be changed 50,000 years before the creation of the heavens and the earth. That's what the prophet SAW Selim says.

00:21:05--> 00:21:20

And the last 100 Allah says in the Quran masaba masaba there is no tragedy masiva calamity, a disaster masaba min Mosley button fill out on Earth, what Effie unfussy Come

00:21:21--> 00:21:25

on earth or in yourselves in your personal life and your social life

00:21:27--> 00:21:54

in you as a person, any tragedy, any calamity that hits you, in Laffy keytab. Except that it it is written in a book, and probably in Nebraska, before we create it before we bring it into existence. So first, it was a word, and then it became a creation and there was no way to go against this. There's no way there is nothing more powerful in this universe, than a word from Allah that is couldn't

00:21:55--> 00:21:56

whose time has come?

00:21:58--> 00:22:02

If something is destined and meant to happen, it will happen no matter what.

00:22:03--> 00:22:18

Then Allah Subhana Allah says the key letter so Allah, Allah is explaining why is he telling us this, the key letter so Mr. Fattah, so that you do not despair, and you do not ruminate, and you're not become excessively sad over what happened to you.

00:22:20--> 00:22:36

things that happened to you because usually when people go, people repeat and replay play over and over again, in their mind, the trauma and the hurt, and the tragedy, they live it over and over again, with the hopes that they could go back in time and change it.

00:22:38--> 00:22:55

Humans by nature, by nature, they do not go over the trauma. No one wants to feel the hurt again, no one wants to live it again. But there's a trick that Chopin plays on your mind, that makes you always go back to the trauma. He gives you the false hope that you can go back in time and change it

00:22:56--> 00:23:28

that you can go back in time and change it and that's what you keep playing it over and over again. Otherwise, you would not naturally go over the trauma again. And this is something explained by the prophet SAW Selim when he said when I took a loan, and Niva altogether mecanica do not ever say had I done this, it would have been different. Only if only f don't use this then the process of selling said for in low return because low opens the way for shavonne to start working.

00:23:30--> 00:23:33

Working on what will not sit on work on your mind and your heart.

00:23:34--> 00:23:50

He throws and he injects false ideas and hopes that you could go back and change it Why? Because he wants you to relive the trauma over and over again. Because shavon shavon loves that Pete that you feel sad. She's done once that

00:23:52--> 00:24:08

last one that it says in them and najwa misshapen Lee asuna Latina woman in the management ministry Pon de aza the processor says whispering a Lacuna Coil she tongue causes some people to whisper in the presence of another person. Why in order to hurt the other person.

00:24:09--> 00:24:27

She wants you to feel sad. She wants you to feel sad amount of no am says in modality Sally Kane. He says basic sadness is normal. But if you keep repeating it and playing it over and over again, he says this is from shavon. And one of the best ways to fight against a bond is not to fall into sadness.

00:24:29--> 00:24:32

He says Be happy so that you give shape on a hard time.

00:24:35--> 00:24:36

You're traumatized shape on when you aren't happy.

00:24:38--> 00:24:43

That's That's true. Shaytan wants you to be sad. The Arizona Latina so the believers

00:24:44--> 00:24:58

the third person who's seen these two people whispering thinking that talking about him the backbiting of the judging him. He feels sad he feels hurt. That's what she's done once you've done once you to feel bad. Don't forget Allison Montana says in the shape on Akuma do

00:24:59--> 00:24:59

that shape on

00:25:00--> 00:25:08

is truly an enemy for you. For the people who do I take him as an enemy. shaitaan wants to make this life miserable for you, and the next as well. And he knows how to do it.

00:25:10--> 00:25:43

So you never fall into despair. You'll never play that play that out. Remember that this is the decree of Allah, and when a loss of and this is something very important to remember about the decree of Allah, if Allah allows something to happen, there are three things three names of Allah subhanaw taala, that have to do with everything Allah allows to happen with every other, every occurrence, every circumstance, every condition, everything that takes place, there are three of the names of Allah subhanaw taala behind it, if you keep them in mind, they will put your heart in peace.

00:25:44--> 00:25:46

First, LLM

00:25:47--> 00:25:48

second al Hakim,

00:25:49--> 00:25:50

third

00:25:51--> 00:25:51

of

00:25:55--> 00:25:59

everything that happens behind it. First of all, is the knowledge of Allah.

00:26:01--> 00:26:05

When Allah allowed it to happen, and Allah created it.

00:26:07--> 00:26:14

It came from the vast encompassing knowledge of Allah that this is the best thing to happen. This is the best possibility.

00:26:16--> 00:27:08

Number two, and Hakeem and Hakeem that anything that means putting everything in its right place, making the best thing happen. If any other possibility happened, it would be worse than whatever happened in your life. This is why also remember he says in one of his books, he says will lie. Low fat Hello hola Keisha for La Jolla por la B. If a last point I'll remove the screen from the world of the unseen so you can see it will apply in Santa Allah Madam yakun jaquan low can Akif acana yakun even Arabs find it difficult to understand this statement? location Allahu Allah. Allahu hijab la B will apply. Allah Lamia con, lo Cana key for Canada. If Allah subhanaw taala revealed the

00:27:08--> 00:27:24

unseen to his servants, and showed him the other possibilities of any scenario that never happened. That never happened. If they happened, or if they had happened, how they would be or how life would look like

00:27:26--> 00:27:33

leather buckle bull Abdi higher and Minna La Jolla azzawajal ala Milan at

00:27:34--> 00:27:44

the heart of the servant would melt down out of shyness before Allah and out of recognition of how merciful Allah has been to him or her.

00:27:46--> 00:28:10

So any other possibility that you wish was let go of it. It's a delusion. It's imagination, the best thing happened in your life, it could never be better than that. It just could never. If it weren't any even slightly different, it would have been worse for you in the final tally.

00:28:12--> 00:28:20

So that's the word of the name of a lot of Hakeem that Allah knows what to bring into your life, for your own sake for your own benefit.

00:28:21--> 00:28:47

For your own goodness, Allah knows what Allah chooses carefully what to bring into your life. Nothing happens randomly. We live in a universe where there are no mistakes. Even if it's someone who has been sexually molested. Yes. Even if it's someone has been completely violated. Yes. Even if it's a child witnessing probably the murder of his or her own parents. Yes.

00:28:48--> 00:28:56

Yes, this was the best thing that could ever happen for that person. In that moment, in that point in time,

00:28:58--> 00:29:01

if things were otherwise it would not be optimal for that person.

00:29:04--> 00:29:12

And we are speaking from our narrow parentheses in reality, our narrow vision about other possibilities and everything we think we know all.

00:29:13--> 00:29:23

We don't know nothing. Only Allah Subhana Allah knows and he's wise. So he chooses carefully for you what happens in your life in order to optimize your chances to enter Paradise.

00:29:26--> 00:29:34

This is how a lot of Allah works. There's nothing random, nothing random in this universe. Even the pants you're wearing now are not random. By the way.

00:29:35--> 00:29:59

The breath, the air, the air molecules that you are breathing in today are designed by Allah particularly to go into your lungs at this moment. Nothing random. Allah subhanaw taala says there's nothing in the universe that runs that's random, even a for a leaf, a leaf that falls off a branch of a tree, where it falls, how it decomposes, where it ends up how it comes back together.

00:30:00--> 00:30:09

Again, where are these molecules and these atoms where they end up each one of them has a record. And it's running according to its predesigned course.

00:30:11--> 00:30:21

That's the universe we're working in. That's the universe we're living in. That's what we're dealing with. That's the wisdom of Allah. Nothing real. Nothing random. The your seat today where you sitting,

00:30:23--> 00:30:38

was designed by Allah was meant there for a reason. You might not realize it, but it's there. There's not this in this universe, there's no randomness, there's no coincidence. There is no mistakes. Everything is well planned. Everything is happening according to plan, and for a good reason.

00:30:39--> 00:30:46

And the third name of watchmen or him, whatever happens in your life, don't ever question the mercy of Allah.

00:30:47--> 00:30:57

Don't ever question the mercy of Allah, this anything that is happening, is happening according to the mercy of Allah. And it could never be better than that. It could never be better than that.

00:30:59--> 00:31:08

And how often people go through trauma, go through hardship. And that's the reason for them to wake up and make good use of their lives. And this is something that's known today in in,

00:31:10--> 00:31:11

in science.

00:31:13--> 00:31:22

You know, look at countries where people have been displaced, people have been kicked out of their land, look at the Palestinians, who's an Arab here who lived in the Arab world

00:31:23--> 00:31:24

who live the underworld here today.

00:31:26--> 00:31:32

If you lived in the Arab world, specifically the Middle East, you know, usually Palestinians stand out.

00:31:33--> 00:31:34

In my country, Jordan,

00:31:36--> 00:31:42

Palestinians, are probably 60 to 65% of the population more than the indigenous people.

00:31:45--> 00:31:51

Who usually stands out, in business, in studies in everything is the Palestinians.

00:31:53--> 00:32:05

Usually when people are traumatized, usually they rise up to a higher level because they need to deal with the moment they need to rise up to the challenge. So that brings about everything inside them.

00:32:06--> 00:32:13

And it causes them to grow. And that's what's called in science in science. post traumatic growth,

00:32:14--> 00:32:57

post dramatic, traumatic growth. We think when a trauma happens, it means the destruction of the life of the person but Allah knows better. Look at our last one to Allah allowed, allowed the persecution of the early Muslims in Mecca. Why did the last one to allow them to go through so much hardship? Below the Allahu anhu? One day in Medina, he uncovered his back and he showed and chest and he showed the companions, the marks and the scars on his skin on his chest in his back of the torture that he used to receive in Mecca. hubbub of knowledge was sitting with these companions and he says, Well, that's bad enough, but let me show you my back. So he uncovered his back. And the

00:32:57--> 00:33:14

companions were appalled completely and what they saw, they saw completely mutilated back. So cabella explains he says lecanto a 21 Hello, maca. Looney wahala Tommy see. From ocadu Lena on

00:33:16--> 00:33:38

film and film, and our morning I lay out for her in LA whether covai He says, The people of Mecca took me one day, they took off my homies my film. They uncovered my buddy. They lit a huge fire for me when it was right was like the highest degree, most burning. They put my back on it.

00:33:40--> 00:33:50

They put my back on it and the only thing that made the fire go out was the melting fat from my back.

00:33:53--> 00:34:01

That goes to the professor suddenly he says the IRS will allow the person who was in the shade of the carrabba says he had a school of law less than Solana and that had rolana

00:34:02--> 00:34:09

Allah tala manaphy he says all messenger of Allah and you see what we going through? Why don't you call upon Allah to get us out of this?

00:34:10--> 00:34:30

Why didn't you call upon Allah to you know, find a way out of this whole calamity, this whole persecution thing? The prophets of Salaam sits up and he says people before you, a person used to be brought in front of everyone they would be so he would be sold into two pieces meaning he would be cut into two pieces slowly,

00:34:32--> 00:34:48

dying slowly and painfully and they will not give up their faith. And a person would be brought and combs of iron were brought and his flesh and nerves and skin would be combed away from his bones.

00:34:51--> 00:34:55

You can't eat. You can't even imagine it because it sends shivers through your body.

00:34:56--> 00:35:00

All the hair in your body stands up when even imagined

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

That and he says Mario don't do that he can do none of this causes a person to recount their fate or give it up.

00:35:09--> 00:35:48

And the person says, Well law he lived in Manila why the last panel to Allah shell complete and perfect this affair and this power of Islam until a person travels from sunup to huddle, remote feeding none but Allah meaning that Islam will bring about peace and safety to people and tranquility. So the last winter that allowed these animals to go through this trauma Why? Because that trauma and that persecution allowed them to grow in Mammoth shafia understood that very well. One day a question came to him and the person said, Yeah, man, uh euroma have been and you tell her what julu makin, which is better for the human being, to be tried and go through persecution and

00:35:48--> 00:36:03

hurt and problems and tragedies or for the person to be given power to be empowered, be in a position of power, they have resources, and they have a say, and they can, they can they have like they can shape circumstances they can shape, you know the reality.

00:36:04--> 00:36:19

Imam Shafi question the question itself, he says, What have you met? Can you tell, would someone be truly given power and control unless they go through the persecution and the hardship?

00:36:21--> 00:36:41

So Allah subhanaw taala tests people, then Allah gives them the power to have to go through the persecution for them to grow. Because oftentimes, we're too lazy. Oftentimes, we're so laid back. And we do not respond to the challenge of life. So Allah Subhan, Allah sends hardship. And since persecution may be even when you are innocent when you are a child,

00:36:42--> 00:37:01

maybe sends it your way. So that this becomes this, this instigates you, it awakens your motivations and your aspirations to do something of value of significance in your life to make a difference in the lives of others by utilizing your life.

00:37:02--> 00:37:30

So remember, with the honor of Allah subhanho wa Taala. That's the main thing. And remember, behind it is the name and allene al Hakim al Rahman al Rahim, these are the names of Allah behind it. And Allah has appointed behind everything. Number two, forgiveness, forgiveness. And when I say forgive, I don't say necessarily. You do forgiveness for the sake of the other person, not necessarily forgiveness is first and foremost for you. When you forgive you relief yourself.

00:37:31--> 00:37:45

And you grow and you grow. And Allah subhanaw taala promised great reward for those who forgive those who forgive. And this is why there's a beautiful story that one of the Umayyad caliphs

00:37:46--> 00:37:54

he was wanted to make a law and one of his servants was a slave. He was pouring the water for him to make the law

00:37:55--> 00:38:06

now, the servant did not pay enough attention he overheated the water so it was very hot. So when he started pouring the water and this Calif wanted to make will do a Benton.

00:38:08--> 00:38:32

So he became very angry, and he wanted to make a statement, basically, to punish that probably allow them what it was, but at least would be maybe a few years of imprisonment. So he was about to make passing judgment or pass a sentence on that person straight away in the moment of anger in the heat of the moment. But that seven was very intelligent. He said, yeah.

00:38:34--> 00:38:34

Yeah.

00:38:36--> 00:39:08

He said, Well, Cal the mean alive, says Allah Subhana. Allah says in the Quran, will kill the mean and hide on the ones who hold back their angle at the end their anger, they bottle it up, they don't release it, they don't vent it out. You're angry now hold it back. So but this halifa was half on I think he wasn't wage but I've done medic. So he was very careful with that. And he had respect for the words of Allah. So he said, Well, only tolerable Kelvin. And he said, Come to Hawaii. He said, I hold back my anger.

00:39:11--> 00:39:37

He said, Well, Kelvin aluva. Well, I mean, and in us as diverse he completely diverse Well, I feel and in us, and the ones who forgive not only hold back their anger, but they move a step forward. And they forgive. So it's not they have a grudge and they hold it back. They don't act on it, you know, they completely dissolve it. That's a greater stage, a higher stage. So he says, I failed to dunk. I forgive you.

00:39:39--> 00:39:53

But the slave or the seven is very intelligent. He's very learned. So he says, the continuation of the verse will love will humble my sin. And Allah loves the ones who do excellence or the excellence that means more.

00:39:54--> 00:39:59

So the halifa looks at him and he says, and to help Ron do genda you are free for the sake of Allah.

00:40:00--> 00:40:10

Free for the sake of a lot, because that's sad. That's sad. So forgiveness is for you. If you hold on to the hurt, it will burn you, first and foremost,

00:40:11--> 00:40:46

the person who hurt you. Regardless, as I said, whether they're a stranger, or their family member, a parent, they're probably done that by mistake, maybe that's the best thing known as parents, that's the best thing or they gave you the best. And times keep changing. And keeping up with the younger generations and what their real needs are, is not easy, is not easy. Your parents have done their best, their best. You don't have to hold them to account, you don't have to hold grudges against them. You don't have to blame them for their mistakes. Because you see from your standing point, what they don't see.

00:40:47--> 00:41:21

They've done what they can they've done the best from their point of view. That's all they can. So all you need to do, and I'm stressing this with parents, because this is probably the most debilitating, kind of hurt to hold on to if it comes from parents, forgive them, even if they were blatantly wrong, forgive them, forgive them, because if they have wronged you once and twice and, and 100 times, they have given you their their hearts, they have given you that time, the days and the years for you to grow up. And that's enough.

00:41:23--> 00:41:39

They have all the right upon us to forgive them no matter what they did. And I said even if you don't feel you want to do it for them, do it for your own sake. Because when you hold on to a pain and a grudge and you want to retaliate, this will burn your life and will destroy your effort and it wastes your time.

00:41:41--> 00:41:49

So, forgive, let go of the anger and the hatred and the grudge and you will grow.

00:41:50--> 00:42:08

You will grow by analyst antilla will help you greatly. And there are so many people I read a lot of biographies. And I've seen a lot of the great people, a lot of the people who have achieved something in their life. The turning point in their life was when they decided to forgive the people who hurt them.

00:42:09--> 00:42:22

And they had them really bad. When you forgive is different look at the prophet SAW Selim. How much do people hurt him? The people have applied threw stones on him, he was bleeding, he was humiliated.

00:42:23--> 00:43:04

That was probably the worst thing to happen to a person. Imagine you're going to a nation or two people, hoping after your people you own people have rejected you hoping that these people will accept you, these people at least will respect you. Even if they turn you back, they will at least respect you. But these people spoke to the professor in a very bad disrespectful manner. Then they got not not them throwing stones at him. They got the little ones, the younger ones, and the Mad ones against them to chase the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and throw stones at him and abuse. The person who felt really hurt. He was bleeding. And he made that profound draft one of the most

00:43:04--> 00:43:10

probably profound is to add the professor ever made. When he says to a lot in an American bacala your

00:43:12--> 00:43:22

life you're not angry with me. I don't care. Whatever happens as long as you are pleased with me, I don't care. And he says element acuity. Who are you? You know, handing me over to

00:43:24--> 00:43:25

Eli, do we need a harmony?

00:43:27--> 00:43:34

Or Eros? illustrator ninja harmony is a friend who's frowning at me and not dealing with me Well,

00:43:35--> 00:43:40

I'm in I do with my left who embryo an enemy whom you've handed my affair on to them.

00:43:42--> 00:43:48

And he says oh life you're not angry with me. Nothing else matters. profounder at the bottom was hurt.

00:43:50--> 00:43:59

jabril comes to him with the angel that is in charge of the mountains and he says if you want a large amount of data could cause these mountains to collapse upon them and destroy them completely. He says

00:44:00--> 00:44:03

in the nucleus, Allah homina slobby human you

00:44:04--> 00:44:13

know, I hope that one day Allah will bring from their own children from their own backs. Allah will bring people who will worship Allah subhanaw taala.

00:44:15--> 00:44:41

And when the problem was hurt, and he was really like, physically hurt in the Battle of offered, when his own helmet, the sides of it went into his cheek and his tooth came out. And he was bleeding. profusely his cheek was bleeding profusely, the prophets Allah, Allah says Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah forgive my people, they don't know.

00:44:42--> 00:44:47

That's not lip service. That's a beautiful heart. That's a caring heart.

00:44:49--> 00:45:00

And this is what Allah gave him more and more, more victory. So when you forgive, don't ever think forgiveness is weakness. Forgiveness is not a loss. It's a victory because you

00:45:00--> 00:45:05

Rising up to a higher moral ground that the other person can never tap into, into.

00:45:07--> 00:45:19

You just rising to a higher level of existence and being and Allah will open up oceans of mercy for you, that you were that were inaccessible for you before. Just by means of

00:45:20--> 00:45:33

emulating the name of a last panel to Allah Allahu Allah for Allah is the one who forgives. People ascribe specifically these days they're celebrating that people ascribe a son to Allah Begotten Son,

00:45:34--> 00:45:57

who's a human being, what could be more insulting than this I just wanted to kind of semi Watergate of a tornado, the the skies are about to crack and split out of fear trembling out of fear, because of the gravity of the statements. The courtesan out of autonomy, who can shuffle and the earth is about to split and crack and, and to open

00:45:58--> 00:46:01

out of fear of the anger of Allah because of this word.

00:46:02--> 00:46:11

With the hood with Japan, who had done the mountains are about to collapse, out of fear of a loss McCullough because something some, this kind of insult was spoken against a loss of power.

00:46:14--> 00:46:18

In our last panel, Tyler is not punishing these people. He's letting them go.

00:46:19--> 00:46:43

And he's allowing many of them enough time they consider and reconsider. And many of them come into Islam when they face the truth when they come face to face with the truth. So if Allah Himself is not even avenging himself, why would someone like you and me, when we don't even own ourselves? We don't even belong to ourselves? Who are you? And who are me? Who's me? Who am I? Nothing.

00:46:44--> 00:46:46

We just belong to Allah. That's it.

00:46:47--> 00:47:06

We don't even belong to ourselves. So let go of anger, let go of revenge and retaliation, no matter what, and you will grow. Number three, if a trauma happened to you, and that's probably I'll close with this. I think I run out of time, I'm not sure I'm not being given any indications. But this is very important.

00:47:08--> 00:47:19

And this follows from the name of Allah Al Hakim, nothing happens randomly. If you've been traumatized, mistreated, some kind of emotional pain has been caused scar has been created in your life.

00:47:20--> 00:47:38

It's not random. It's not random. It happened for a reason. And if you look around in great people in history, whether Muslims or non Muslims, people who had great contributions, if you look into their lives, usually their contribution was shaped

00:47:40--> 00:47:41

by their suffering,

00:47:42--> 00:47:43

by their suffering.

00:47:45--> 00:48:17

Because they went through so much trouble, they went through this trauma and this hurt. And they felt it so dearly. So they want to make sure that they fix this once and for all. And they don't want other people to go through the same. So this is why these people fix these problems. And this is why they actually because they're intimately connected to that, they feel it the deep in their hearts. So usually, whatever happens in your life, is a communication from Allah is a communication from Allah.

00:48:18--> 00:49:05

So you're hurt, the trauma you went through, was not random. It was meant to happen to you. It was meant to come to you, and not for any foolish or random purpose or reason. There's no accidents in this universe, no coincidences. Everything is been pre planned. And everything happens according to plan. And nothing, not even an atom. Not even a water is placed here for random reason. We don't have access to all of these wisdoms. We only have access to tiny wisdoms. But when Allah subhanaw taala tries you with hardship or trauma, or physical or emotional pain, this is an indicator that probably probably you were meant to go through this. So your attention goes into that area, so that

00:49:05--> 00:49:11

you fix it. Because no one can relate to it as you can, because you have a personal experience with it.

00:49:13--> 00:49:36

And the word that summarizes everything we've been talking about is trust in Allah subhanaw taala. If we truly develop trust in Allah, we don't have to develop techniques and tactics. Just your state of trust in Allah subhanaw taala the state of trust is enough to make you arrive D with every situation perfectly any of these situations.

00:49:37--> 00:49:56

And this is the final notion that I will leave you with inshallah. As humans, we have five minutes. Really, okay. I consider this to be a gift. These five minutes were designed, and they were meant to come 50,000 years before the creation of the heavens and the earth and now here they come. Serious.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

Now I'm gonna find out what I need to talk about.

00:50:02--> 00:50:02

So

00:50:04--> 00:50:09

we humans, we humans, need to make sense of things.

00:50:11--> 00:50:17

We need to make sense of things making sense making sense. And

00:50:20--> 00:50:31

the reason people suffer after their calamity, and they do not heal, and they do not outgrow their pain

00:50:32--> 00:50:35

is their failure to make sense of their suffering?

00:50:37--> 00:50:43

Any you can endure anything in life, if you can make sense of it.

00:50:44--> 00:50:48

What does it mean to make sense of it, if you can find a good purpose for it?

00:50:50--> 00:50:53

If you can find a good purpose for it.

00:50:56--> 00:51:03

And the only thing that will really help you make sense of whatever happens is trust in Allah knowing that Allah is in charge.

00:51:05--> 00:51:27

Because there are traumas where you can make sense of them. Maybe that was meant to happen to me, so that no one else suffers afterwards. From now on, I'm going to make sure no one goes through the same again. Okay, you figured out, you figured that out? It made sense to you. Perfect, you found a good purpose. But sometimes there are traumas where people can't really figure out a purpose for them or make sense of them.

00:51:29--> 00:51:31

They just can't make sense of them.

00:51:32--> 00:52:12

How can you do with this trust in Allah subhanaw taala knowing that Allah subhanaw taala as he says, and as you can see, what are you looking at on ABC in Minami Allah, Masha, Allah gives us access to what he knows only to a limited percentage of that. It doesn't allow us access to everything he knows. And this is why people who want an explanation for everything that happens in the universe, every suffering, every calamity, every occurrence, every stage in history, and they they need an interpretation and explanation for why it happened or the suffering of kids, or why do babies and infants have to suffer and go through illness and cry and go through pains? Why do I have to what

00:52:12--> 00:52:13

why do they have to suffer?

00:52:15--> 00:52:31

Because people don't believe in a law, they can't find a reason. They can't find a reason. But last month, I was saying what are you hating on me shame me hated it, Masha, Allah does not allow your knowledge of what he knows except for a small percentage. So if there is some knowledge that a lot kept hidden away from you,

00:52:32--> 00:52:36

and you can't find it, that's when you say in that allow,

00:52:37--> 00:52:52

I don't know. I don't know. I just belong to Allah. I know I belong to a line, I will return back to Allah, Allah, that's his universe. That's his dominion arm, just his creation, his slave, he's free to do whatever he wants with me.

00:52:53--> 00:53:03

And the people who manage to tap into this, they live in a state of happiness. They live in a state of happiness, because the trauma and you know, once you tap into this, there's something beautiful that happens.

00:53:05--> 00:53:12

Whatever trauma, you go through physical, emotional, social, whatever will be minimized,

00:53:14--> 00:53:20

will be minimized. Do you know there are people who can completely cancel out pain, physical pain,

00:53:21--> 00:53:22

by the focus.

00:53:24--> 00:53:27

Sometimes people call it a pain suppression.

00:53:28--> 00:53:54

But others don't like to call it that, because it's not suppression. You know, sometimes, you might, you might have a toothache to a toothache, or you have any kind of pain in your body, and it's really hurting you. Then something comes on TV, or you receive a phone call about something very interesting. And you're drawn into it. You completely forget about your pain, the pain is there. The pain is really there.

00:53:56--> 00:54:03

Where did it disappear? It's still there. But because your attention was taken away completely from it, you don't feel it anymore.

00:54:05--> 00:54:38

So when our attention is with Allah, and we believe in the wisdom of Allah, and that Allah is in charge, and that Allah doesn't do things randomly, and everything Allah does, he does it out of his knowledge out of his wisdom and out of his mercy. Once we truly believe in this, this will consume our attention in a very positive sense. And it will minimize whatever we go through, and you will start to see any hurt any pain. Any trauma I'm going through is just touching me on the surface. It's like a mosquito bite. It's just a mosquito bite.

00:54:39--> 00:54:53

And that's what why faith is very empowering, but we don't use it. We don't utilize it. We don't make we don't take advantage of it. For us. Faith is about Okay, a memorize believing a lie believing the angels believing the last day and repeat it You asked me I repeat it.

00:54:55--> 00:54:57

I can name it quickly without any hesitation

00:54:58--> 00:55:00

but do

00:55:00--> 00:55:09

Why implement it? Does it shape my mindset? Does it help me go through life? Does it help me rise over my challenges?

00:55:10--> 00:55:24

That's the question. And that's the challenge, because a man and faith is there for us to live it, not only to memorize it, memorizing is just a tool to help us. That's it. But the point is to live it, it's a way of life. Now,

00:55:26--> 00:55:28

how many of those five minutes are left?

00:55:30--> 00:55:45

Again, let me conclude with the younger ones. And even the younger ones who are now have grown up, and now they are in their 20s, maybe 30s 40s 50s 60s, maybe 70s. Because by the way, and there's something very helpful in marital life.

00:55:47--> 00:55:51

You know, men are just big boys, big children.

00:55:53--> 00:55:56

And women are just big gills.

00:55:57--> 00:56:07

We are babies, we're big babies. That's it. So if you have a beard, even if your hair is white, you're just a big baby, you still have the baby inside you.

00:56:08--> 00:56:48

You just you just have a rough voice, and maybe some white hairs. And some wrinkles. Maybe you look or maybe you have a bald head. But you still a baby. That's how we human beings are. So even though we've grown, we still have our trauma when we were young, the head that we had when we were three years old, five years old, we still hold on to it, how often that we still remember even someone in their 70s. They remember one situation with their father, when they had some hope and their father and their father, just let them down. unknowingly, he didn't mean it. But it was a miscommunication.

00:56:50--> 00:56:54

They still remember it. And when they remember it, they feel emotional.

00:56:55--> 00:57:24

They feel emotional. We're human beings, we're still babies. So the point is, if you live and relive your trauma over and over again and decide to make it, the hangar on which you hand your failures, and your disappointment, and your lack of motivation, and your lack of ambition, and your lack of proper functioning, that's your choice, and you will be held accountable for the consequences of all those choices.

00:57:25--> 00:57:37

too, to be hurt, to be traumatized is human is common human experience, even if it's like that rich man who couldn't take his kids that year to Europe for vacation.

00:57:40--> 00:57:55

Everyone is traumatized. Everyone is traumatized, everyone has been through some hurt, and everyone sees their hurt is the ultimate one. By the way, I talk to a lot of people. And everyone tells me the same statement. You know, my story is a bit different.

00:57:57--> 00:58:04

My childhood is a bit different than everyone else. And I sometimes tell them, believe me, mine as well as different.

00:58:05--> 00:58:18

That's how we are human beings. That's our uniqueness. So we see ours as unique, we see our trauma as the worst, we see our childhood as the most difficult. We all have this regardless, regardless.

00:58:19--> 00:59:01

So what you need to do, the challenge of life is not to number your traumas and your hurts, and to tell the world about them. By the way, everyone in the world is happy to tell you about this suffering. Everyone you want people to talk to you just tell them Okay, tell me about your suffering. They will talk to you for hours and days, for hours and days. And if you try and have tried this out, and you will see it, you know, find someone who would listen to you start telling them about your suffering, and they would wait for the first possible pause and usph Oh, yeah, when I was a child, I had this because they're dying to tell, tell you and share the suffering as well.

00:59:03--> 00:59:18

Share it and share it honestly, I'll tell you, some people might care but no one truly truly deeply cares. Everyone has their own suffering, their own problems to deal with. Move on, move on, confide in Allah.

00:59:19--> 00:59:35

As jacobellis Ramsay that was the last one and it says in Surat use of in a school bus he was named in a law. The fact that you feel hurt is legitimate, but feel hurt and express it to Allah. So a lot I've been hurt and you know it.

00:59:36--> 01:00:00

Please help me he'll help me get over it and reward me for my patience. And don't tell it to people. forgive the person who caused you that pain and move on and if you can help them if you can help them because only hurt people hurt people. The no one hurts you or traumatizes you from a position of this from a position of control.

01:00:00--> 01:00:00

foot.

01:00:01--> 01:00:06

These people are in a position of discomfort no matter what they what they do, no matter what they do.

01:00:08--> 01:00:48

People have they had they come from a position of discomfort and hurt in their own way you might not figure it out. So give people the excuses. Let Allah Subhana Allah judge them is not for you to judge Los Angeles settle the accounts and the disputes on the Day of Judgment, move on, and make something substantial out of your life for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala and you will never regret it. And the day will come when you will probably thank Allah subhana wa Tada. thank him for the trauma. We ask a lot smarter to help us make very good use of our times and to help us heal from our traumas and our hurts, and to make us people who make the best use of our lives who can really

01:00:48--> 01:01:00

make a difference and can offer people a lot of help and value for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala alone we ask lots of waters for that just for listening and for your attendance was a little long, so that might have been Mohammed Williams.