One Thing That Instantly Destroys Marriages
Channel: Mohammed Hijab
File Size: 8.09MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam Alaikum, Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh How you guys doing? It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since mean, you have, you know, spoken whilst I've been seated here in this vehicle
pertinent topics relating to life in general. Today, as the title suggests, I just want to make one point really, because this is a very common occurrence. It's so common, that it doesn't just affect Muslim communities, it affects all kinds of communities, right? And what is it exactly? I'm talking about? One thing that if you do, you can destroy your marriage, you can destroy your family, okay? And you need to get this right. You need to have principles in your mind that how am I going to approach this thing? Because people get this wrong all the time, right? And to lesser or greater extents. What is this thing? I'm, I'm building the suspense here. But what is this thing that we're
talking about? I'm talking about how do you sort out the conflict between, say, for example, your family, or your mom, your dad, your brothers, your sisters on the one hand, and then your spouse, your husband and your spouse, your husband or your wife? On the other hand? How do you how'd you do that? Because this is a very complex situation. You've obviously got allegiances to your parents, you obviously love your parents. In Islam, obviously, you've got your religion, Yanni dictates that you've got to be very good with your parents, but at the same time, now you're married, do you get it? So you don't want to break your family but at the same time, you don't want to hurt your
parents. So this can become all essay for example, your siblings, it can become a very tricky situation. How would you sort this out? Well, the Quran actually provides solutions, okay. The Quran provides solutions for this.
And the solution in the Quran. If you look at chapter four verse 135, yeah, for example, but there are other verses which you can mention. Yeah, yeah. Halogen Amador, Cornel. Kawa, Amina because you show her that the lower eyelid Well, oh Allah and for sickle Wally, then you will copy. It's simple. It says that Oh, you who believe be upright standing with justice, even if it's against yourself, or if it's against your parents or those who are close to you. Okay. Now, this is the first thing and the kind of same messaging is repeated elsewhere in the Quran was called to him for it law in Canada CORBA. If you speak to speak the truth, even if the person is close to you, the the main thing here
is that you've got to speak the truth. Like for example, if there's injustice that's happened, okay, you cannot side with injustice, it doesn't matter who done it here. So for instance, if you're Jani father stood up to hit your wife, I'm giving you an extreme example. But he stood up to try and hit your husband like this, you know, or, you know, your your husband is walking in the street. And, you know, he sees your mother, and she doesn't, she doesn't even greet him. She doesn't even say Salam Alikum. So if you just give them the cold shoulder, for example, or, like, I'm giving you some, some freaky examples here, that most people wouldn't do these things most decently, or, for example, on
the other on the flip side, if the mother in law, which we see a lot of the time happening,
the mother in law, which is basically let's just say your mum, she's bossing around your wife, okay? Let's say she's bossing around your wife, as if she's the husband. Do you get it? And this happens a lot in the culture, a lot of other cultures in Islam, Muslim world, I should say.
We're now the mother, she's like, bossing around the woman and telling her do this, don't do this. And she'll shout at her, she might even swear at her. She might even do these kinds of things. And the guy just sitting around and watching this happen. And he's like, Yeah, but she's my Mum, what do you expect me to do? That's that I'm sorry to say, would you expect your protector you're meant to stop that injustice from taking place? What do you mean, what do you expect me to do? This is wrong, you're wrong. If you if you're allowing your wife that's meant to be now under your care, to be humiliated, you know, by the parent, okay, and you're not even getting involved. You're not saying
any words of justice you're not, then you're not fulfilling your responsibility as a man. So the point is, is that number one, it has to be you have to side with the with justice, no one's gonna deny this. So if some injustice is happening, at least, I'm not saying that you should go flagrantly against your parents because that could destroy a relationship. Okay, I understand that. But at least stop the injustice. mundra, I'm in Cornwall, Caravaggio, hydrophobia de familia Mustapha be listening for one level South Africa Kobe was awful even, you know, whoever cannot he sees an injustice, lamb changeovers, and if it can't then with his tongue with you can't do with his heart.
Yeah, at least feel it in his heart. And that's the weakest of the man. In the long story short, on very clear cases, then you just have to make your position clear, at least your partner, at least your partner say, Look, my position is that this is injustice. This is wrong and I side with you, not because it's you but because this is injustice. I'm not siding with you against my parents or my parents against you because one or the other because it's them. I'm siding with you because of the fact that it's injustice in the first place. I'm siding with just I absolve myself
From the injustice, I absolve mice, I free myself from the injustice that your pet you guys have perpetrated, and so on. If if it's clear now there are issues, and I'll caveat all of what I've just said with this. The our issues were clearly the situation is more complicated, okay? It's not as clear as the examples I gave, where someone is not saying salaam or someone is bossing the other one around and swearing and abusing. And the other one is doing this. It's not it's not as simple as that. Sometimes situation can be more complicated. I accept that. That proposal. However, in those situations where it's more complicated, and you don't know what justice is, and what isn't, and or
there could be two interpretations and two sides of the story, then you got to refer that to someone higher. Okay, you might want to go to a person of knowledge and ask them what's the Islamic position on this? Who's on who's on the hook? And who's on the bottom? Who's on the truth and who's on the falsehood? And it becomes clear by asking, many people have knowledge that this guy is on the truth and this person's on the falsehood, then you have to, then you have to stick with the truth.
Now, let me caveat once again, all of this by saying that this is different from asking the question, Who is more worthy of obedience? For example, for a woman in a household? Is it the husband? Or is it the parents? The answer is the husband? That's a different question. This is Matt, this is consensus on the matter. I'm not asking this is not an issue of obedience. Here. We're talking about conflict resolution, we are talking about siding with the truth, we are talking about oppression, because frankly, no one can use the obedience card to talk about to justify one's oppression, otherwise, if round would have had the strongest argument. Well, his wife said Robbie
and the gentleman fit our family when a gentleman that upon the volley mean, that Oh, Allah, free me from Iran, and his people she sided with Justice of injustice is obviously a very clear example. So you can't use the obedience card as a husband to override all the Yanni all the all of the complicated issues. If you've done injustice, then your wife doesn't need to follow you in that injustice or let alone obey you in it. Let it look, if you must see, as long as the problem, Hamza Salam said, that there is no obedience to the creator and the disobedience to the creation. Sorry, there is no obedience to the creation and the disobedience to the Creator. So in a nutshell, how
would you sort this what what is the problem? And what is the solution? The problem is this is that we have complex relationships, and sometimes we can be stuck in the middle of them, either your parents, your siblings on the one hand, and then your spouse and the other and it can be very difficult. But if you set a precedent, okay, of always siding with what you consider to be the truth, then these both sides of these equations, alright, they won't play you about because they know that if you mess around, yeah, if you mess around, that you're not gonna you're not going to have the luxury of being sighted with unconditionally. There should be no unconditional allegiance.
If falsehood Okay, becomes part of the equation if injustice becomes part of the equation, with only unconditional allegiance, you should have an I should have is that to the truth and to justice itself? Well, Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah when it gets