Gratitude & Relationships

share this pageShare Page
Mohammed Faqih

Channel: Mohammed Faqih

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:08--> 00:00:21

In al hamdu Lillah Allahu wa sallahu wa sallahu wa Sadie, why would we lie to Allah Masha Lauria fusina amin say Dr. Medina Mija de la Vela Mattila

00:00:22--> 00:00:23

de la

00:00:24--> 00:01:20

ilaha illallah wa sallahu la sharika why shadow Ana Mohammed Abdullah what a pseudo wasafi human being the funky little Bella Garissa what the Amana one so Holly Holly Hill oma Salatu was Salam Mohali yeah you're Latina Amano yeah yo holla Deena Morocco la haka. toccata he Aleta molten lava and tomassini Moon. Yeah, Johan so Taco Bell como la de holla cocom enough. See ya wahida wahala caminhadas Oba Oba Semin humeri Jilin, caffi Rahmani ser what Taka la la de la una Bihar ham in LA con la primera teba yeah you holla Deena amla, taco La, la colo colo Salida use Lola comm Amala calm while Nova calm, Ma, la hora Sula, who

00:01:21--> 00:01:22

was an AVI ma

00:01:24--> 00:01:35

am about my dear brothers and sisters studies after after studies show that one of the most effective practices

00:01:36--> 00:01:39

to improve to improve someone's

00:01:42--> 00:01:54

not only level of happiness, joy and contentment, but also to improve someone's mental and emotional health

00:01:55--> 00:02:01

and also to boost the individual's

00:02:02--> 00:02:12

ability to be more productive, and to improve relationships. One of the most

00:02:13--> 00:02:17

I would say agreed upon practices is

00:02:18--> 00:02:23

being having and expressing gratitude, being thankful.

00:02:24--> 00:02:35

So how am I I was looking at various studies last year, there was the there was a study that was published.

00:02:37--> 00:02:48

It was done by one of the departments at UC, UC Berkeley, but from Berkeley to Harvard University to

00:02:49--> 00:03:03

many other centers and departments, and America's top university, universities, mental and educational institutions, they all seem to come to the same conclusion.

00:03:04--> 00:03:08

That being grateful benefits,

00:03:09--> 00:03:11

benefits the individual.

00:03:12--> 00:03:16

And its benefits not only the individual, but those who are around that individual.

00:03:18--> 00:03:19

counting your blessings.

00:03:21--> 00:03:43

And some studies, they say even if you don't share it, even if you don't share that even if you don't express it, even if you don't say thank you, though, it is proven that when you say thank you, not only is it going to make the person that you're thanking, feel better, but it will make you feel better.

00:03:44--> 00:03:48

But some of the studies actually found something very interesting

00:03:50--> 00:03:50

that

00:03:51--> 00:03:54

the benefits of gratitude, take some time,

00:03:56--> 00:03:58

you're not going to see the benefits immediately.

00:04:00--> 00:04:03

It will take some time. Right.

00:04:04--> 00:04:07

And it happens

00:04:08--> 00:04:15

over a period of time and the person has to have commitment to this practice. It can be something that you basically

00:04:16--> 00:04:49

get motivated to do once in a while, or something that you do on a special occasions once a year over a meal that involves certain dishes, right? And you basically sit and you say what am i grateful for? You know, I need to give thanks for this and that. That is not going to get you the benefits that you would want to get from being and notice what I'm saying I'm not saying from expressing but from being grateful.

00:04:51--> 00:04:55

So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allah says, oh, by the way,

00:04:57--> 00:04:58

part of the challenge

00:05:00--> 00:05:02

These challenges are loss of habitat.

00:05:04--> 00:05:07

And he said, You will not find most of them to be grateful.

00:05:09--> 00:05:22

They're not worthy of these blessings. They're not worthy. He's talking about human beings talking about us, that we're not worthy of the blessings of Allah Subhana Allah upon us. Allah honored us.

00:05:24--> 00:05:52

Right, by the way, by the virtue of being a human being, like if you have nothing in this life, absolutely nothing except that you are a human being, that in and of itself is one of the greatest blessings. That's an honor from a loss of habitat because Allah azza wa jal in the Quran says, what occurred Karam novena Adam, we have indeed honored the children of Adam.

00:05:53--> 00:05:55

So as a human being,

00:05:56--> 00:06:05

you have been we have been honored by Allah subhanho wa Taala. And we have been given privileges that many were not given.

00:06:06--> 00:06:55

We are privileged, right? And Allah subhana wa tada says that, right? Well, now that we have preferred human beings over many of our loss of habitat as creation, then add to that, that you are well, for the most part, right? I mean, none of us is perfect. But overall, we're even those of us who may be suffering or dealing with some illness, we are still in good shape, in many ways. Right? So wellness is something that we should be thanking Allah subhanho wa Taala. For, on top of that, to know Allah Subhana Allah to Allah and to believe in his existence and to follow His commandments or be the recipient of his message and divine guidance. That is another blessing.

00:06:57--> 00:07:25

In fact, maybe one of the greatest blessings of Allah subhanaw taala, if not the greatest blessing that Allah Subhana, Allah guided us to this. So one night, I met after him, and I just mentioned three right now that shouldn't overwhelm us. But one blessing after another, we are blessed. And today, I'm not here to talk about how blessed we are, and how fortunate we are, and how we have more, right than what most people in the world have.

00:07:26--> 00:07:34

We have, but talk about the importance of me making this a daily practice

00:07:35--> 00:07:38

a long term commitment for our own happiness.

00:07:39--> 00:07:42

You see, some of these studies are paid for and they cost a lot of money.

00:07:44--> 00:07:55

Because not being grateful, right, is leading people to, to having issues, all kinds of issues that are costing,

00:07:56--> 00:07:56

you know,

00:07:58--> 00:08:02

many private entities. And I don't want to be very specific, a lot of money.

00:08:04--> 00:08:04

Right?

00:08:06--> 00:08:25

And in a capitalist society, this is very important. So how can we reduce costs, because we're providing care, but cost is so high, and more and more people. And no matter what kind of support or care we're providing, it's not working? Is there something that we can do that can cut

00:08:26--> 00:08:30

the cost down, that can help people improve?

00:08:31--> 00:08:42

And this is how researcher researchers found out that actually, one of the greatest one of the best they call it techniques or practices is gratitude.

00:08:43--> 00:09:12

counting your blessings, if we can somehow get our clients, our patients, right, to start being thankful and grateful for what they have, instead of getting fixated on what they don't have, or what is wrong in their lives. Focus on what is right in your life, as opposed to focusing on what is wrong in your life. Maybe, maybe we can cut down costs. And they found out

00:09:13--> 00:09:23

that gratitude actually frees and liberates the individual himself from toxic emotions.

00:09:25--> 00:09:54

And it may not even be like you could be dealing with some hardship or some very tough situation at work. But then somehow the therapist or the individuals providing care or counseling, right might help this individual think shift their focus from that to something else. Is there something else that you that you're happy about? you're grateful for something that if you don't have you would really really be miserable

00:09:56--> 00:09:59

and as they start focusing on that, right

00:10:01--> 00:10:02

They're

00:10:04--> 00:10:06

there, they start healing on this site.

00:10:08--> 00:10:09

They also found

00:10:11--> 00:10:12

that gratitude.

00:10:14--> 00:10:21

And so Pamela, you know, at man as I was, like reading these multiple studies actually

00:10:22--> 00:10:23

allows the instructor to realize,

00:10:25--> 00:10:31

right, in Chicago to realize he didn't have the proper seminars and teaches us this practice every day. So they said

00:10:33--> 00:11:00

also that gratitude actually can have has lasting effects on the brain that it could actually change the individual from inside, from what from from inside, in addition to the studies that show that it helps, and it improves not only your emotional and mental health, but it can also boost your immune system,

00:11:02--> 00:11:03

improve your health,

00:11:04--> 00:11:07

and your overall wellness.

00:11:08--> 00:11:18

It also helps relationships, gratitude, you know, they said that if a person let's say you have a an issue in a particular relationship, right.

00:11:19--> 00:11:26

If you focus on that relationship, let's say that your relationship and I will give you a specific example actually, according to some studies,

00:11:28--> 00:11:29

marital relationship

00:11:30--> 00:11:31

strained

00:11:33--> 00:11:35

and there are a lot of pressures, things are going bad.

00:11:37--> 00:11:50

And we usually get so fixated right on that one particular relationship, or one particular issue that we have within a relationship. And that consumes us.

00:11:51--> 00:11:54

And that defines the relationship

00:11:56--> 00:12:02

distracting us from all the other great things that are happening around this relationship or because of this relationship.

00:12:04--> 00:12:10

Right. So what happens? Does it change? No. Does it improve? No, does it get worse? Yes.

00:12:12--> 00:12:13

So

00:12:14--> 00:12:44

they said, but what if a person starts focusing on what is right? Or what? Good came out of this? And instead of what is going, you know, what is wrong about this relationship? So what what could happen? They said, not only is it going to stop this destructive pattern, and this this collapse, right, but it's actually can reverse the damage, it could actually help mend the relationship and improve it.

00:12:45--> 00:12:45

And

00:12:47--> 00:12:53

Allah azza wa jal in the answers to encourage you to move on, as Takahashi,

00:12:55--> 00:13:41

Avi, Kira and kathira, Allah Subhana Allah says, If you hate them, meaning your spouse's, if you get to a point where you really resent the person, right? Don't focus on that. Remember, that you perhaps may hate or dislike or resent something in which a loss of Hannah what the ANA has placed a lot of good free in our bed so him or her law said, righteous child, perhaps. Right. I remember one time as I'm handling this works, like about a decade ago, as a lady was complaining about her marriage, and about, you know, this person with whom she spent 40 years and it were hellish.

00:13:43--> 00:13:52

I said, like, there's nothing good that came out of this relationship. I can, Oh, I can't think of anything good. And this is what happens. We become and shaped Lauren has his ways of making us

00:13:54--> 00:14:14

really ignore the great things that are happening, ignore and be ungrateful, and the prophets I send them by the way, when he warned women, it was only there was that what that warning was not only for women, but it was also for men. When he said with a coordinate last year, he said, Be careful of being ungrateful to your partners.

00:14:16--> 00:14:26

You can't make these kind of exaggerations and these kind of general statements model a tomika, higher on top. I've never seen anything good from you. You always do this, you come on, are you serious?

00:14:27--> 00:15:00

Be reasonable. And that's why I believe that that being grateful takes courage, and the strength and wisdom and commitment to justice and fairness. So going back to this Allah Subhana Allah says that you may dislike them, but there may be something good so I said to this lady, you're sure nothing came out of this relationship. She said nothing. So I said, Okay, so if somehow I can now because people look for for magic, you know, for magic is how long people will

00:15:00--> 00:15:12

For miraculous solutions, the chef has somehow is going to come, right touch me or make a special, special, or give me a special grant. And it will heal me it will reverse everything. And

00:15:13--> 00:15:20

so I said, so right now you're telling me that if I can raise my hands and make a drive to Allah Subhana, Allah to take you back in time?

00:15:22--> 00:15:41

Right, we if we can somehow rewind, go back in time, 40 years, back to your youth back to your, and then to that moment where you made that faith that fateful day where you made that decision to marry this person, or that decision was made for you. That you would choose to go back to that moment

00:15:42--> 00:15:43

and undo everything that happened.

00:15:45--> 00:15:55

I hope I wish I said, Wait, before you say anything. You know what that means? She said, what does that mean? I said, that will mean that all your seven children

00:15:57--> 00:15:57

will be gone.

00:16:00--> 00:16:07

She's like, No, I said, you see something? Don't do that. Like, it's not like I have the power to do it.

00:16:08--> 00:16:15

Don't worry, it's not gonna happen. But I said, you see, so something, something good came out of this, right? She's like, yeah, you're right.

00:16:17--> 00:16:29

And do you think the 40 years were worth it? Having these kids, the seven individuals that you think are the joy of your life? You think it's worth?

00:16:30--> 00:16:33

What do you have to endure? She's like, Yeah.

00:16:34--> 00:16:34

Right.

00:16:36--> 00:16:54

So instead of focusing on the seven blessings, right, this individual was focused for 40 years on what that one, and perhaps it's not even like the entire relationship, usually is one angle, one aspect, maybe a couple of aspects of that relationship.

00:16:55--> 00:16:57

And this is what she does to us.

00:16:58--> 00:17:13

So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam What does he tell us about this particular subject? He says, life Rockman Amina Let not believing man focus on and and continue to hate and resent his believing wife,

00:17:14--> 00:17:36

ro da minha in soccer, minha Hola, karate, I mean, however, if he is displeased with one quality, he should be pleased with some other qualities, look for something else that you can be grateful for. An amazing, very successful author, one time spoke about a very great idea that he actually

00:17:37--> 00:17:40

he actually implemented himself.

00:17:41--> 00:18:28

He wrote at the beginning of the year, he started writing, he just bought a very like cheap notebook, not even a fancy one, just, you know, simple, maybe under 10 bucks, simple one. And every day he dated he put the date started, this is on like January 1, or whenever you know, that the beginning of his year was with with his wife, he would write one or two lines about something that something positive, something that makes him feel good about about his wife, something positive, something that he appreciates about her. And he said so they want he wrote something day two, he wrote something day three, anything that that he that that he is grateful for, for 360 days, 65

00:18:28--> 00:18:36

days, he wrote something. And then on the day that he they were celebrating something anniversary or something like that he gave her that as a gift.

00:18:38--> 00:19:03

And when she looked at it, and when she started going through the pages, she started crying. And she said this is the best gift that you have ever given me a very simple didn't cost them not even 10 bucks. He said, Are you sure? Better than the $80,000 BMW that I got you on our she said better than that. You take that back. This means the world to me.

00:19:04--> 00:19:14

I say this and ask Allah Subhana Allah to make you and I have those who are grateful. I asked Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to help us maintain his blessings upon us. Apollo has an outer circle

00:19:39--> 00:19:44

hamdu lillahi wa salatu salam ala Abadi living in a suffer while that

00:19:46--> 00:19:47

gratitude

00:19:48--> 00:19:59

improves relationships and it opens more doors to more fulfilling meaningful relationships.

00:20:00--> 00:20:07

Gratitude is proven to improve mental and physical health.

00:20:08--> 00:20:09

Gratitude

00:20:11--> 00:20:24

enhances our emotional strength, and teaches us to be empathetic. And it actually reduces aggression.

00:20:26--> 00:20:38

This buildup built up aggression and anger that we have gratitude and being grateful, right improves our sleep, the quality of our sleep,

00:20:39--> 00:20:48

people who have who master this, and this is an A study published in 2011.

00:20:52--> 00:21:27

It shows that people who are more grateful and people who express gratitude on a regular basis or on a daily basis, have better quality when they go to bed. They have better quality, their sleep, they fall asleep quicker, and they say they actually get more out of their sleep than people who are not grateful. And of course, it's very, the connection of the correlation is very, very obvious. Gratitude improves self esteem, according to studies

00:21:29--> 00:22:17

and gratitude. At the end, brothers and sisters are the most important part is has its own spiritual benefits. It improves your relationship with Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. Allah says Allah insha Allah as he then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches us to be thankful to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, every day, every morning, right? Thank Allah subhanho wa Taala for the afia for wellness, one of the most common prophetic supplications and drugs was, oh, Allah, I thank you for f1 afia I all I asked you for and I thank you for afia IPS, wellness, being well, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, asking Allah subhanaw taala for wellness and being thankful for

00:22:17--> 00:22:54

that. Brothers and sisters as Muslims unless we do this, and by the way, you know, sometimes if we are saying, Well, you know, I really, I don't know, I don't, I don't know what it's like. I mean, some people I hear that some people actually sit for 15 minutes every day, like they practice this after, like, early in the morning, they do this and they do, you know, breathing exercises and all of that and they think about their blessings and they count their blessings. You know that you and I every day, we're we're obligated to pray, where do we start our Salah with after Allahu Akbar. And after that, Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen

00:22:56--> 00:22:58

we just have to connect with what we're saying.

00:22:59--> 00:23:02

We should we have to mean it.

00:23:03--> 00:23:13

Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen. This is what Allah Subhana Allah is teaching us. Right, Salah that begins with Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen It ends with peace.

00:23:14--> 00:23:35

This is one of the greatest lessons, this daily practice of us as practicing Muslims is teaching us. And then if you follow that was just sitting for five minutes in, you know, praising Allah Subhana Allah thanking him for his blessings. And then, you know, just asked me a lot as we did for wellness and this life and in the Hereafter.

00:23:37--> 00:23:58

I challenge you practice this from now Don't wait until the end of the year or the beginning of the new year. Start from tomorrow, every day after surgery from tomorrow and until the end of the year. Right? Just sit down after fudger praise Allah subhanho wa Taala and thank him for his blessings upon you and asked him to maintain them and see what happens.

00:24:00--> 00:24:01

ask Allah subhanaw taala

00:24:03--> 00:24:03

for his

00:24:05--> 00:24:18

seek refuge in Allah azza wa jal from losing his blessings upon us allow him to become Isabella neomatik What the hell Well, they are theoretic, or Fujairah Matic watch me psychotic brothers and sisters. Tonight we don't have Friday family night.

00:24:19--> 00:24:23

So we're off. We have resumed our weekly,

00:24:25--> 00:25:00

weekly Wednesday night program at 730. In Sharla. Every Wednesday until the end of the year, we are discussing we're going I'm going over a series titled prophetic council advices given to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specific advices to specific people, we are so fortunate to have access to them that when the prophet SAW Selim gave these advices to these individuals, they didn't keep it to themselves, they actually pass it on and they told us what the prophet SAW Selim recommended for them to do or say. So inshallah, that's what we're discussing everywhere.

00:25:00--> 00:25:01

Wednesday night insha Allah azza wa jal

00:25:03--> 00:25:06

and shaba IFC is

00:25:07--> 00:25:08

planning

00:25:09--> 00:25:15

and this is something that we do twice a year planning another blood drive next Sunday December 2

00:25:17--> 00:25:26

starting at 9am to 3pm Please help out May Allah Subhana Allah Allah bless you and may Allah subhanaw taala accept from you or Bennati Nebula Don't call

00:25:27--> 00:25:28

me now. Robin Allah

00:25:31--> 00:25:38

in the Kanto hub a by the law in the Law Center at the kotoba when it will move with curl belly

00:25:39--> 00:25:41

silicone with Cola, Coca

00:25:43--> 00:25:45

Cola Coca Cola and I

00:25:55--> 00:25:57

love watching got Allahu Akbar

00:25:58--> 00:25:58

shadow one