Anger Management #01
Channel: Mohammad Elshinawy
File Size: 26.81MB
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We begin the name of a law called praise and glory before law Lord of the worlds we thank him and we seek His help and his guidance and his pleasure and his forgiveness. And we ask the Lord to protect us from the evil whispers within us and the evil consequences of our misdeeds. From a number of love guides. No one can lead us astray and remember our loved leaves without guidance, none can guide that person and testify that no one is worthy of our worship but Allah alone for any partners, the true supreme King, the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, Alayhi, WA, and he was sitting there was in truth, His Prophet, and his servant and His Messenger. But people of Emad have the tough love of
love, remain conscious and obedient to Allah in the manner that he deserves and do not die except in a state of complete and total surrender to Allah, a state of Islam.
To begin, one of the many, many, many, many merits of Islam
is that it ensures dignity for a human being in their behavior.
It helps a person become contain common collected, dignified and composed, regardless of what external circumstances may provoke them or push to manipulate them.
If a person is trying to observe Islam correctly, they will find it easier than others
to not have high blood pressure and be totally disgruntled, totally angered because the men whether ruin their basketball deal with their friends, as I heard one elderly man I estimate using the 65 or 70 years old, never forget that he was running up the court and the thunder began. This was the one day him and his guys get together. And so we looked up at the sky that he had to be done. This was not a Muslim.
And he said we had a deal.
angrily shouting out on a muscle kind of what
you would not be that person that a good friend of mine who used to work in the Apple Store says about that when the iPhone six came out, we had her phone, the girl that waited online for two three hours when she had insisted that it be the pink one. And we weren't going to have that for two or three more days. She turned ablaze. She went on fire, she had a temper tantrum as if she was a child. She went from anger to tears to crying and she leaves the store. Islam signifies a person of all such behavior. They can advise a person above the behavior of a person who said to me, I don't care.
I will refuse when they had to be like to go to Paradise if my wife is inside. I don't care if this problem sends me to the fire at the river that causes the person to move not just from adulthood to childhood, but from sanity to insanity, from belief to disbelief, uncontrollable anger. Our theme came to help a person moves beyond that weakness becoming a victim of their own entity.
So in Bukhari and Muslim so they made a decision about the level two it says he stepped onto land and the Navy SEAL above Alejo said lemme whenever you return would you do soon?
What have you whom so far was said the
Mirage who two men got into a fight and argument in front of the province of Milan, he was alone while we were there, and one of them kept just cursing and offending the other.
And he was in effect of rage to the point that he became so angry his face became red. We could all see this man was losing it. He lost his latest basic phone
Following the Wii U Salalah. While you're sending them in neither Ireland and Kenny Martin no Carla had to have an argument. The prophet SAW sent him said, I know a statement that if he were to see it, all that he finds inside of himself that fury inside of himself would just vanish would disappear. Or Ruby landing in a shape on Ragini. So that's a statement you would have to say. I seek refuge protection with a lot from shape on the accuracy
for semia Babu
qlm ana de Sala love it
one of us or have heard messages from a lover I didn't say this. Something was more eyes on the alarm. So he went to the man and formed the message from a lot of audience and and said this.
And then he said to into our beloved, misshapen, seek refuge with Allah from shavon for another module, and so the man retorted back to him, he snapped back at him. I thought, I'll be back so much noon, Anna, if
you think there's something wrong, something's wrong with me. Am I? Am I crazy. shaitan has possessed me meaning you think I'm possessed by a demon. Get out of here, get away from leave.
And this has been Of course, it's filled with blessings and guiding principles. Some of them being obviously, that a person must be very careful about their timing when they give advice in general. And also the lessons of this heavy is how to deal with angry people in particular.
But what I want to start with in talking about anger, management, controlling our anger all of us and how Islam enabled us to do that, and showed us the road map out of this dark, this dark sphere of anger, they consume so many people,
that the prophets of Allah wanting to sell them alluded to the fact that anger is from shavon. You have to seek refuge with shaytaan. When you're angry, that means shakedowns a factor at play here is all anger from shavon. No.
Only when it's your lady how only when it's unjustified. But the issue is usually most of the time, most of us, most of our anger is for personal reasons. And if it's you're taking sides, it's for a personal reason, you're already going to be bias. And so it's not going to be for our law, nor is it really going to be about fairness and justice. Because you cannot be just when you're one of the two disputants. And so almost all of anger because of that equation is goes back to being from Trayvon.
You feel you assume someone violates your rights. Someone has shortchanged you and your reputation. So you react with anger. How would you react with anger depends on who you are, and what's happening. But not all angers from Trayvon we don't need to establish that anger in and of itself is natural. It's completely natural, completely human of us. Even though it's not like even a modern concept that just angers okay, but management of anger. That's not just a modern thing that we talked about nowadays in therapy. This is has always been something understood by the wise among humanity, even though they used to say man is still a lever when I'm younger, loved for who I came
up, like whomever is provoked to anger and doesn't become angry. They're a donkey. Like, what do you mean, you just get slapped across the face and you're fine with it? That means you're not alive. You're not human, you have no self respect. You have, you're totally indifferent about even that. Are you alive? What matters to him debates in 11 with a poet says injuries are only not propelled by dead people. So long as they're alive, a injury is going to hurt an injury is going to provoke provoke a reaction from you. So the issue of anger being there is not the problem at all. A person is allowed to become angry, and a love place anger inside of us when He created us meaning the
propensity to anger, he made us prone to anger to test us, right? How are you going to react? Are you going to contain that natural anger? And then how will you employ that anger? Because there are two things here. There's natural anger, you need to control that within the balance of a loss of pride everyone's Island, and there's righteous anger, we're not just you're allowed to have it, you should have it angered for a lot, but then also, of course, must be regulated by the boundaries of a large zildjian. As for not becoming angry whatsoever, this is completely alien to human nature and to Islam. Even in the Quran, Allah selgin says about people that he praises that have earned this
pleasure. He says what he that lovely boomboom young people that when they become angry, they forgive so he's not praising them for not becoming angry. He's praising them for forgiving despite being angry.
So the problem with anger is what if it's natural, and some of it is even righteous anger. The problem is when it comes from shavon. As we said earlier, usually it's from shame.
When Shay Thawne gets anger to control you, instead of you controlling it, that's when the whole dilemma happens. When anger controls you and consumes you and blocks your ability to be sensible to think with your mind, right now with your emotions, what should I be doing here? what's right and what's wrong here, what's fair and what's fair, what's pleasing to Allah wants me to block your sensibility. That's the problem, when it blocks your ability to be patient, your forbearance to block your ability to deliberate to measure things for the long term to think things through as they say, those are the problem because these are things I love demands from you. So anger can hijack
these things. shaycarl have put you in a very distant, dangerous place. Because these are these are ma you know, in Bukhari and Muslim,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam received a delegation.
And the leader of that delegation was a man by the name of an exchange now that place and the entire delegation rushes to meet the province also them and their leader is supposed to go first that represents their chief, they left him behind with the luggage and the animals, they all rushed in for that protocol. Because the prophet SAW Selim obviously would make you forget protocol. And so their eagerness to meet rasulillah cause them to forget the respect that they live by the honor of their chief. Their chief did not spill he tied up the animals and took off his clothing and put on nicer clothing, even better protocol to go see the profits of the love audio send them in clean
attire not to tie a tie you've been traveling with all this time. And so the messenger must have a lot of us have noticed this from him. And he said to him in Africa has latini up boom Allahu and he'll know and adapt. He says in you are two qualities that are love loves him pain is forbearance for you to put up with things that make you angry, forbearance, these people disrespected you they did something that would naturally anger you what you have hidden you showed him and that is deliberation when you sit and think things through what's the best way to behave here. And you're not going to think things through if you're angry. So haven has to come before Anna forbearance so
that you can deliberate.
So he thought it through it's better for me to wear my best clothing to wash up perhaps and then go see the prophets of Allah how to set it up. So the man was happy and he said Yasuda love
to have to be Hema and Jeb La la la Hema Yasuo, these two qualities you're talking about, that I practice these, like, did I adopt these consciously? Or did Allah
created me this way? He made me more prone to deliberation more prone to forbearance. And so the prophets of Allah audio set up said to him, Ben agenda and he might know Allah created you this way. Some people are more prone to anger. Some people don't have that challenge. They will have other challenges, sir, if you don't think you've gotten the short end of the stick, we will all be tested, some are tested with a short fuse. Some have a lust for the opposite gender, some cannot resist well, but that is their jihad, that is their challenge. So he's telling him No, this one Allah give you a freebie on that one. Allah created you this way with these qualities that he loves forbearance
and deliberation. And so he said, 100 1100 Allah who let's say you hate Obama, blah, blah. So he said, hungry lender Allah gave me two qualities that human is best that he and his messenger love. And so when anger censors these forbearance, deliberations and sensibility, intellect, this is what it's from trade law. And this is what happens more often than not, especially in today's world. That's why this whole was so important, right? In today's world that's so fast peace. There's so much commotion, there's so much interference, right? There's so much lack of privacy, and there's so much lack of worship, also making our lives God centric, God centered, people will automatically
become more angry, we have more angry people. Now this is known and expected because of our lifestyle, less worship, more fast paced, less deliberation, less forbearance, less ability to frustrate to tolerate frustrations, all of that it will uproot the tree of your faith. And plant among other things, plant the tree called anger. It gets wedged in your life and we just become angry people. That's why it's the power of law that the wisdom of the Sahaba understanding this. When they read it in a four on one I can cool new love Benny Hinn, do not
Not to be people that just have the book, you just rush past the verses like mentally sorry, not to be like, you know, somebody who just rushes past the verses and not takes care of them not invites them in their life adopts them in their life. But the people of God that are better he needs people of God truly attached to God. Above ozium of the above it said about this, and what does it mean to people of God? He said, two words are the
people that have for veterans, and people that have knowledge, meaning, you are contained because of your relationship with God, right, your tree of faith is in there. And so you're contained and you know what the left wants, almost like forbearance and deliberation again, to know what you're supposed to be doing. Regardless of the outside circumstances, the opposite. When you don't have a god centric life and you have a fast paced world, it we'll put the tree of anger, when the tree of anger is planted in your life. You can imagine what happens when you're quick to anger. Does anyone divorce his wife except when he's angry? That's like a common joke between all of them. Every time
someone says my husband divorced me, and he says, I divorced my wife. We tell them what happened. He says, but but I was angry. We tell them. Has anyone ever divorced their wife over a cup of tea? Like, obviously you were angry? Why else would you divorce?
Has anyone ever divorced that they're angry? Do people insult except that they're angry? Do people offend one other and slander your Android phones? And you start thinking and maybe this and maybe that's all from Trayvon, right? Do people leave Islam they curse at times the dean and the whole ad that came with this being and the one who sent down the poor and because they're angry, do people kill except because they're angry, do people lie and cheat, etc, to have leveraged in the conversation because they're angry. All of those things of the tongue I just mentioned, these are just sour fruits that grow on the tree of anger when the tree of anger gets planted in your heart.
All of it comes from the same place. And that's why our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
called our attention to this, they catch it. He says to us in the hated law best narrated by the pilot and no more fraud, either, probably, but hadoken failure. When one of you is angry,
keep silent. Because once anger gets settled, it just, that's when all those sour fruits come out, you start using your tongue in all these ways that are so destructive, so dangerous. So when you're angry, be silent, he said. And by the way, of course, if you're obligated in Islam to be silent, when you're angry, so it doesn't escalate. You're definitely not allowed to hit someone, not even your children when you're angry. Because if you hate it because you're angry,
you will not stop hating until you feel a vintage or until you've done something so damaging that it brings you back to your senses we're gonna have a bit of that and so hitting is not allowed to quencher your agents loud. Hitting is allowed as a last resort in moderation to discipline not to event yourself and if you cannot control what you're going to say and words are so light and the tongue is so easy to move that boneless muscle as they say you can't use it when you're angry then you definitely cannot use your hands
and so this is why we are in salado Sarah tied between the the tongue and the anger itself because once that tree is planted ugly sour poisonous fruits continue being spewed out as a result of all the other stuff about all the money work
whatever you want.
And of course, once these words when anger is not contained, and these words come lashing out, or male love for big physical ramifications, manifestations of the anger take place. So many times the damage as people know, is either irreversible cannot be repaired or so hard to prepare to repair.
And I remember reading that an intelligence father once noticed very early on that this kid has anger problems. And so what he did with him to defuse the situation leverage his kid would lose his temper, he would have him walk out to the end of their property and and nail a hope a nail into the fence to make sure he went to the end.
Every time he would lose his temper he would send them on the same task. The walk was the punishment. He says on the first day my son put 38 nails in the fence.
He said and gradually the amount of nails he would put in each day was less than less than less until he finally got to
A day when he didn't put any nails in the fence. And so I will tell him for every day, you don't lose your temper, you can go remove one nail from the fence.
He says, By the time the day came that he actually removed everything from the fence. I took him over to the end of our property to the property line. And I said to them, what do you see, you can imagine a fence filled with holes. He said, You undid all of your temper tantrums, you earn that, but were you able to repair the holes in the fence. Sometimes your anger will cause you to do damage that you cannot prepare. And this is especially true with people and possibly children lots of time. Sometimes you just blurt things out, you say things you do things and the damage no matter how hard you try, people are not gonna love. They will not just forgive you the moment you come back to them.
And so the damage leads for a very long time. I have cases of children that are traumatized from the religion of their parents from Islam, because of the way they saw their parents, their father treating their mother, right.
The domestic violence the battery that happens when Islam itself and then think of the damage that happened in so many relationships outside of marriage and inside all different kinds.
So when the man came to the Prophet salallahu audio center, and he said to them, this is a slightly cloudy, give me an advice. Call the letterboxes don't become angry for Corrado hammer on for lots of thought. He kept repeating the question like give me more advice, give me more advice. He told him don't become angry, don't become angry, do not become angry. In the narration of this Howdy, there's a there's an extra word in a commentary narrated by an old love. He this man says it took the advice. He says for Kelly to heinous fraud and abuse of a mother and he was setting them up for either lovable yet instrumental showing them up to level. He said when I when he finally refused to
give me any more advice, I stopped to think about like, why is he telling me only this? And I realize that this quality is warning me from cautioning me against contains all the evil inside of it.
Why do you think the prophet SAW Selim didn't give him any more advice, there are so many other hadebe when he tells people that ask him oseni advice, he gives a different advices he wanted this person. And also as well, to know that getting past don't become angry. It's not easy. It's a mission, right? You're not going to go do it overnight. And likewise, I say now, don't think our problem with anger in general, in our generation in our impulsive or compulsive generation is going to be those comfortable. And I plan to give you one of them is inspiration on how the early Muslims dealt with anger. Because we kind of identify with other human beings. It's natural. It's an
inspiration. It's extremely useful. And the third of them how to deal with angry people. When I wanted this whole book to begin with how to deal with angry mean, my angry self, how to get past that, how to conquer our own anger. The good news is that hamdulillah conquering your anger is certainly possible, because the problems I'll send him showed us ways to do it. But it's going to require training, not the football. As he said it was set up in a manner in which we never came up with a handle. We never saw the way
that you learning. Knowledge is through learning. Okay, so I'm sorry, I'm just not a smart person. No, that's easy way to Cabo No, let that go. You have to try to learn
what you know machine will be to help them and developing forbearance, the ability to restrain anger that's through practicing forbearance, trying one time and trying again and slipping and messing up and apologizing and coming back around. We know some sample and patience is to training yourself conditioning yourself on patience, and of the tips that he gave us on within our clothes. The whole book of the tips he gave us Alex lot was set up to get past to help us in this course in this training course to get past our anger and all the damage it causes for dunia and our team. Number one is the either like we said to seek refuge with Allah from shavon ology from the curse of JSON.
This is the first of them. The second of them we say is do not speak when you're angry. When you become angry, walk out shut script just be silent. Because one word will lead to a response which will step up your anger another level it will escalate. So to be silent.
Number three is for you. If you're standing to sit down and said police officer
fans have a long way in that for their budget. When one of us stand angry and standing let them sit down change positions.
De escalate the situation. And this will do away with your anger you said and if it doesn't lay down one time they saw the other 100 was known to have intense emotions in the middle of a conversation just lay down some there should be sacrilege he laid down could imagine talking to someone, all of a sudden they just they sit down and they lay down What are you doing? He said, I heard the problems I'll send him say this. This is a man who cared about his hereafter and cared about his relationships that will extend into the hereafter. This is the person who took this mission seriously not to say hey listen, you know an angry person deal with it. That doesn't work. The
believer that is observed them among the last day does not sign themselves off of the mission like that. So we said it's the either we said the silent we said if you're standing sit or lay down also read about the virtues of restraint and your anger and they are so many in the planners in our province all sudden said the strong person is actually the person that restrains their anger and up out wrestles others he said on another
laptop about what it can engender Do not be angry, don't get angry. And for you It's very nice.
For a person that once again in states a lot in his life, that means something you know, if you're angry and about to do something and someone's got a gun to your head you back off, you'd come that's okay, okay, okay. All right. Don't rescue me. Don't shoot me Don't this right. There believers should have the offer agenda to be one of those lightbulbs. Okay, definitely worth it. Fine. I'll take the hit. I'll swallow that sour pill. I'll do it. So to realize the virtues of
restraining your anger and also on the flip side of that the dangers of leaving your anger on control.
The last one that I mentioned for this whole book for this whole bunch, ah,
and then something that just people have observed and experience when you find yourself angry. Go look at yourself in the mirror.
You won't recognize yourself. You'll feel like this is not to me, like it's shavon here like who is this guy? Who is this person held yourself psych yourself out of your angry
as with the other things like the self righteous spread and how they dealt with anger, that's next week full blown inshallah. And of course, God goes all across the board beginning during and after the mission, as our prophet SAW Selim used to see was educated. In the west coast, nothing was ever photocopied if you don't rely on the model, and I asked you a true statement to be contained, in my words, whether I'm pleased or whether I'm angry, and we asked him to help us with this guide these guiding principles of Islam help us improve our relationships first with him and with his creation alone, I mean, may Allah make us of those that say a statement of truth and judge fairly whether we
are pleased or whether we are angry, I mean, unless a pattern without a break our hearts to get it and bring our behavior aligned with the guidance of His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam among men or women that are hung up, Mama,
was like that was like that survey Nina. Nina sudarsan, Dina super and Sarah, the genome Illuminati I know. Also Islam. I mean, why did that shift again among macchina