A Conflict Like No Other
Channel: Mohammad Elshinawy
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after praising a lot, though a gentle while admitting that we can never praise Him to the extent that he deserves, and testifying that none is worthy of our worship and our devotion with Allah alone without any partners, the King of Kings soprano hola to Allah. The Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in truth, His Prophet and his messenger and the seal of revelation to this world before the coming of the hour. And after reminding myself and everyone here and everyone hearing us with the support of Allah, our duty to Allah to remain conscious of Him and do default to him, until we breathe are less. I welcome my brothers and sisters to the house of Allah though
agenda on another Blissett Juma
and the reminder this afternoon
is a particular incident, a conflict a domestic conflict, a marital conflict that happened between the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
And his wife, I shall be a mahana that every time I revisit my head drift to very faraway places from the endless list of things we can learn from it, not just for our marriages.
So only Solomon Mohammed in Abu Dhabi. Others authentically report and trace back to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
through an American Bashir or the Allahu anhu that Abu Workless odious about the Allah who on one time, came and knocked on the door of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seeking permission to enter.
And then he heard something that he could not bear behind the door, which was the voice of his daughter is about the Allahu Allah getting louder and louder arguing with the Prophet prophet lamb raising her voice yelling and anger.
And so he, as soon as he got in, he went for her. He reached for her to slap her, the narrator says.
And he said to me, oh, man, oh, Doctor of oamaru. Man, it's very uncommon expression because you're the doctor of your father. Ordinarily, what he attributed her to her mother and that's one as if you're I don't know you. You're not my daughter. How could you? So it's an old daughter of a middle man and he reached to strike her. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam saw him coming, saw his anger and his eyes saw him saying, How dare you raise your voice at the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he jumps between them.
And he tries to hold back and will walk away for a while until one of the 11 comes of it and turns around and stormed out of the house.
And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam then turns to Isaiah about the Allahu Allah yarrabah seeking to win her over, if you will. And he says to her jokingly lightheartedly our 80 k for her to be in a carabiner Raja. So I just did there. So how I just got between you and that guy, her father. I mean, I just saved you.
I will look a little different the 11
days later, he comes to visit them again. And he hears a very different tone in the house before he enters.
He hears them joking and laughing with each other. And so he enters the house and he says to them, fly to Pilani Allah says mikuma chemical Toumani Allah howdy Kuma Why don't you guys let me in on your your peace treaty, if you will your peace the same way you let me know your war. Like why didn't you guys tell me that things are better. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him quite fine, but finding that we have certainly done so we have certainly done so. We've certainly resolved things. And we're certainly confirming that to you.
And obviously this is just a conflict like no other right? a very unique way conflicts play out that it's very uncommon.
And there's so much to learn from it the most obvious aspect that you already
And you're all smiling about just the phenomenal character of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam, in how he dealt with someone who became angry in front of them or angry towards them.
And this is a lost art, how to absorb people's anger in relationships, how to manage difficult people. This is not just for giving us peace of mind and managing Well, our relationships. This is for the sake of also, you being able to deepen your relationships with people, you need to be able to work through conflict.
You see, relationships only climb to a certain level when you work through these problems together.
I know one couple, who I always pray for out of fear that I will hit them with the evil eye or something, we'll have a superb marital relationship.
And one of them said to me very early on in our marriage, it wasn't like that. Every time we we got into like a tense moment, a little bit of a tip off, it will become stonewalling wouldn't speak to each other for days, we wouldn't know how to deal with each other. Until I said to her, he said to me, the husband, listen, we have to get through this. I'm not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere. So we're just going to have to solve this.
He said that was a point of ascension, a point of maturity in our relationship. And I didn't know until Allah guided me to say that I didn't realize that her fears the whole time was that I would walk out upon the first conflict.
And so when I said that I'm not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere, let's deal with the problem on hand. That is when we were able to actually mitigate our problems, actually negotiate them actually work through them.
And I'll be very honest with you, perhaps the biggest reassurance I had
moving to this community was that I used to visit this community for years on end, just a weekend, a month, some of you know this.
And some of the leadership of this community came to consult me in their conflict.
And when I saw their integrity against those that offended them a lot, keep them that way and increase them when I saw their integrity against those who hurt them. That is when you develop a greater degree of confidence in a person's in a person's dignity, a person's ethical principles. And that is why I said perhaps this is a community that I can break my own rule of never wanting to be an Imam, and grow with.
And so this is something we all need to learn how to do managing difficult, difficult situations, managing difficult people managing each other so that we can grow in our relationships.
You know, also think about the fact that I should have the mahana was raising her voice on the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know of the things that my head always drifts to, is not just the fact that she should not have done so. But it's also the fact that this is not the issue that so many critics of Islam try to paint in our head. They make it look like it's some sort of abusive relationship with this young girl with taken advantage of will ever be less at the end of that story that I'm sure most of you, if not all of you have heard.
Look at the confidence of this woman. Right? Look at how she can talk back to you. And this is not justifying this at all right? We don't want conflict in our homes at all. But the fact that she was reassured enough to put her guard down, which obviously led to some adverse effects some time, and the profit value for both of them lets her and were helped her work through that time and time again.
You know, like, forget the numbers and the age of the marriage differential and all this stuff.
is not the only one who was a woman of great strength, a woman of great confidence. A woman she was not a girl. You know, even the Sahaba of the low tala, the most intimidating of them. were spoken back to by Ayesha.
In fact, one of our scholars and humans Okay, Sheila anahola, has an entire book called an E Jabba fi er Adi Mr. de Vaca. To Allah for hierba. Basically, it's a documentation of all the times I just spoke back to Omar spoke back to Abu Musa go back to sad so booked out Mexico and so and so and so, this has been through helps you realize that the relationship there was not the relationship of
exploitation, inferiority, trauma or otherwise, show me all of the traumatized young boys and girls in the world who had traumatizing childhood, as they tried to picture it, show the picture, what have they produced? It shows a great woman of great confidence, have great knowledge, all because she's
Has the ease to say to the province offer them as Kim and enquire with others we'll have a good night.
You know another great lesson here is the humility of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seeking to please. Ayesha
when abubaker walks out in the province often and tries to please her and say
they were just like their face or you saw how I protected you like you owe me one.
If the whole world were upset at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam would that do him any harm?
A lot, though it did with defend his profit against the entire planet.
But for him to go out of his way to seek the pleasing of his wife is shows you the great security he added as a husband and the great humility he had as a human being which so many of us lack
you know, to the point that the Quran itself told the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam don't give in too much. Because this may be misunderstood as legislation by you're following, right? A lot as though I just said to the province off lm nema 200, ohm Allah, Allah Allah, why do you restrain yourself
from things that Allah made permissible when I shall not have were jealous of Xena in another incident, that she was the only one that could afford to serve the province offer lamb honey, they kind of agreed that whenever he would come from Dana's house having eaten honey that they can't afford to serve Him, they would cover their mouth as if What's that smell? And so out of consideration. For Ayesha for health club.
He said I will never eat honey again. What he loved he stepped down from to a pizza and have fun. And so a lot as though Jen had to tell him no not to there. Do not do that because you're the legislator you are perceived as the one who speaks on behalf of Allah you stop eating honey, people will think honey is how long well think honey is unlawful. So Allah says him, why do you refrain from what Allah made halaal for you that whatever the motto Baraka is wisely seeking by that the pleasure of your spouses.
Someone that's very egotistical, perhaps can stick to that phrase, don't seek the pleasure of your spouses, where all our lives there was it was really doing here was don't
overlook the fact that you're not like any ordinary husband, you may actually need to hold back a little bit for the sake of everyone else. Whereas everyone else should never feel so insecure or so arrogant. They cannot give room to their family members or their community members and appease them. meet them halfway or more.
May Allah grant us and do the humility of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam alone I mean,
Shangri la hora de la Mala Mala Nava Chateau La la la la, de la sharika lahu eyeshadow, Anna, Mohammed and Aveda whenever you who are solo,
you know after the beautiful lessons in this very unique conflict,
or incident of the conflict between the Prophet prophet lemon and Ayesha or more so between Ayesha and her father, it changes her directions very fast.
Is that part of kindness to your parent?
is for you to hide from them? Not always. But what you can have your struggle.
Did you see how a vocalist will do for their loved one
he left and then he came back two days later. And of course this was said in light spirits. The problem is often um did not do wrong here. It didn't do wrong here, or else the Prophet alayhi salaatu wa Salaam would have pointed it out to her. But the fact that Albert is still concerned about his daughter, right? Like, Oh, you guys are better when she didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me. And so part of kindness to your parents is to realize that your parents can be hurt for you more, you are hurt for yourself. And at times also you may get past your hurt and they're still hurting.
And so in light spirits of course this happened. But in principle It is a very important concept to remember.
There are very valuable people in your life who sometimes care about you. And like ache for you for longer than you ache for yourself and try to spare them that when you can. You know, for example, in the age of very shallow, superficial social media relationships, we confuse between the value of someone who gives us of their free time they throw us a Like here or a text message there. Give us of their free time.
The people in our life who time and time again, they free up their time for us. They stop on a dime to serve us. They always make themselves available for us. They allow us to climb out of our ditches and our meltdowns on their shoulders.
You cannot confuse between these two, these people, we must value and cherish them and not be like that person who always turns away, the moment the problem is solved, we do that a lot. We can flick between our shallow wide social circle, and between the most valuable people in our life. That's when our lives go dark. They they're like that candle that burns away at themselves to give us a little bit of light in the darkness.
Be very aware of that your friends and your parents, your friends and your family. These are not the same people.
treating them equally would be wrong. So how about when we treat the inferior relationships with greater value than these superior relationships.
And the only thing uglier than that, and without endo photobook is that when we do this with Allah all the time, we come to him and we beg him and we look to him and we weep to him and we promise to him to get us out of our our hard times. And the moment he does every single time. We're nowhere to be found. We run away from his path.
Kela Mia Drona Illa during Mr. alotted, as if you never knew our name, just moments ago, you were so desperate. We do that with a lot all the time. Oliver, as one of the poet says natural natural Illa has equally kerbin to men and Sarah who are in the Nashville Karoubi k phonology job utterly dry in the Nevada Hobbit movie. He says we call upon God at every calamity every tragedy. And then we forget him so quickly. As soon as he removed that tragedy. How do we continue to expect our prayers to be accepted and responded to when we've blockaded their paths using our sins we end up we've obstructed their path. We cannot continue doing this forever. And let me see let me at least say
that one of the most hopeful ways I lean on when I'm on the receiving end of callus treatment. When I find people that only reach out to me when they're having a meltdown, I say let me forgive them. So if you're that parent or you're that person, lets me forgive them for only reaching out to me in their bad times in their struggling times. So that perhaps Allah will forgive us for only reaching out to him in a genuine way during our hard times.
May Allah though just continue to teach us from the guidance of his book and the example of its profit for the love of Allah He will tell them May Allah continue to further the mention of His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and help us embody the ideal character that he lives in and the poor and that he was walking the earth Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam may love better our relationships in our homes in our communities. May Allah does that help us to live a meaningful lasting impact on our partners on our children on our world before we exited alone, I mean, a lot McClellan Alabama, Alabama feelin our hamma hamma hamma aluminum and found out and found that the
metal antenna was not alone I
mean, why the lava matamata Dean alone benefit Medina scam in our district dinner with a cappella have been Amina Allah Allah Azza wa barakaatuh, Vienna Muhammad Allah Allah He was off the edge mine