Marriage – Making it and Living it
Date:
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
File Size: 32.13MB
Episode Notes
Marriage is the single biggest threshold in the life of most people. In Islam marriage is an act of worship provided it is done according to the orders of Allah and the Sunnah of Rasoolullah(S). When marriage is entered into in this way it is filled with Baraka and blessing.
But when it is begun with disobedience of Allah and with rituals and ceremonies that are against the Sunnah then those who indulge in them are inviting the anger of Allah.
The worst of these is ostentatious pretending to glory where people celebrate marriages trying to show off their wealth. Allah called such people the brothers of Shaytaan. How can such weddings result in anything good?
This lecture calls to return to the Sunnah so that your marriage will be blessed and protected by Allah.
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AI Generated Summary ©
The Hadees hold a stance on marriage, emphasizing the importance of finding beauty in marriage and avoiding sexual behavior. They also discuss cultural and political changes in India, including the French language used in French marriages and the importance of privacy and respect in marriage. The speaker emphasizes the need for faith in marriage and finding one's own spot in life, while also reminding viewers to share their own experiences with it. They stress the importance of forgiveness in Islam and emphasize the need for everyone to express their opinion and share their experiences.AI Generated Transcript ©
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala COVID mursaleen Hualalai. He was how he has been about
my double sisters.
I want to talk to you briefly about the institution of marriage, marriage in Islam. I know it's a topic of great interest for, especially for those who are not married.
And also for those who are married, and for
different reasons, sometimes the
sometimes the opposite reasons. Anyway, so let's let's look at what the institution of marriage is in Islam.
I want to begin with the Hadees Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam where he said, the original Bible what are the Allahu which is in Bukhari and Muslim, but also lies are reported to have said, a woman is married for four things. And this, of course, also applies to the man, a woman is married for four things, wealth, family status, which means language, beauty, and religion.
And then he advised and he said, so marry the woman who is religious, otherwise you will be a loser.
So obviously, this tells us that it is legitimate for you to marry somebody on the basis of all of these things. But primacy must be given to religion. And by religion, I want to be very clear about that. It just does not mean
Salah it does not mean that it does not mean only hijab. It does not only mean in the case of a man, the beard and so forth, it means Islam in all its respects, which means a pita, very important. You marry a person with Rokita and you are buying trouble.
Never fall into the trap of imagining that you can change somebody, either, by all means change. But don't try to change it by getting married into a family which is wrong or either. Number two, is the bar that a person who is oriented towards obedience to Allah subhanaw taala General, third, is mamilla what kind of dealings are with that person. And so when you are in the process of meeting the family of the bride or the groom, you must keep your eyes and ears open. I tell people, when you go to meet them, if you go to their house, and you should go to their house and so forth, what specially for how they treat their servers, what specially for how they treat children, what
especially for how they treat their neighbors, what do the neighbors think about them, all of these things indicate the character of the people because the way they treat those who have less power or no power, that is how you will get treated in that house. So be very clear in your mind about who it is that you are marrying.
mamilla then we look at UCLA. What are the attitudes of the people and it starts from Salah it starts from Thank you It starts from sorry, it starts from this small things. Like today, we are plagued today the biggest epidemic of the Muslim world is bad o'clock. And the tragedy is that people don't even know they are doing wrong things. I mean, it's I can understand somebody who knows the right thing to do, but wants to be rude to you because he doesn't like your face or whatever the reason I'm not saying that is a good thing.
But at least the person knows what he's doing wrong. Here. It's like being with animals. I mean, you know,
it's like it's like not even human beings just like being with with goats and sheep or something, because they don't even know what they're doing wrong. So it's tragic. I mean, if you tell them if you if you sort of express your this your displeasure, they don't know is like saying what did I do?
So this is the the tragedy. So when you are going to marry somebody, watch for all these things, don't just go buy the beauty or go buy, you know, whatever is in your heart. No, it be very clear because a marriage in Islam is not something that is temporary. It's not something that is you do every week or something I mean, it's a permanent, inshallah something you get married to somebody for the rest of your life for the rest of their lives. And therefore it is something which is serious enough for you to give it complete consideration. So by all means, look for beauty, by all means look for a person's education, by all means, look for a person who is from your standard of
living, I'm not saying don't marry somebody who's poor, but it's also a reality of life that if you marry somebody or if you marry into a family, and there's a huge difference between your level and their level, then I don't mean this in any discriminatory way. But I'm saying that in the rain reality, it doesn't work. Right. My mother used to say, don't put a brocade patch on a Muslim cloth right?
He has to say don't put a brocade patch on a machine clock because the brocade the gold will be so heavy, it will tear it more it will it won't, it won't repair it, it will actually tear it more. So, this is a very important thing to remember. By all means, think about that as as one of the things, but the most important of that is the issue of religion which means somebody who has good Akita good
is good in a bar that has no hot is concerned about the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala somebody who has good maravilla good o'clock and the society and the environment they come from and come which they live with they have been brought up in is a good environment that environment has an effect. Yes, you have you will have in the house of fear of around Musa was was brought up, but that is these are exceptions. These are exceptions, right. I don't think a fair on moussaka. Yeah, um, jeez, Anthony, if you're on the army Musab, by the way. So also remember that there is yes, it is possible that you will find this absolute gem of a human being in a house which is full of all kinds
of effort. But that is very unlikely. Very, very unlikely. That's absolutely exceptional thing if it happens to you, good for you. But if you get fooled into that, which is most of them, that's what's gonna happen. You find a house you find a family, which is involved in all kinds of stuff, maybe their income is haram, maybe all kinds of things they do, the sort of, you know, the bed of disobedience of Allah subhanaw taala, and you are using that your spouse from that family is going to be among the waters of Olympia, this is fantasy, believe me, this is fantasy. So don't even Don't even think about that. So the environment that they are brought up in is something which is
extremely critical to, to consider.
As I told you, it's a long term thing. You're not going to get married again next week. So be very clear in your mind who you're marrying.
Now, he's
also mentioned and this is one of the
rare I had this, which
informed us about he once asked him about the best thing to be treasured. And He is Allah Islam replied, The tongue in remembrance of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Right, which is the stung witches. Listen, and Akira, the sun, the tongue, which is involved in the vicar of Allah subhanaw taala. Also, it means a person who is conscious of Allah subhanaw taala his presence, you know, in his or her life, which means that a person secondly, he said, the heart which is filled with thanks to Allah, subhanaw taala digital. And the third thing is that a pious wife, who helps in virtuous deeds, these three things to be treasured, right, in other hobbies. Now Hassan said that Allah Subhana, Allah loves a man who wakes up for tahajjud and wakes his wife up.
And he says, Allah loves a woman who wakes up for tahajud and wakes up her husband,
even to the extent of saying that if you if you find that the husband or the wife is difficult to wake up, then he said, sprinkle some cold water on their face.
Right now, this is the advice of the power seller. And I strongly recommend that you follow it, and that you do it with wisdom, because
at least have the door open while you do that. So you can beat a hasty retreat, to save your skin but anyway, but very, very important to have a pious spouse.
Then in another half days and without, notice, Allah Salam said, when one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so. Now, please understand is very clearly, this is one of the case and he does he didn't say Look at her with a niqab with only two eyes showing no,
look at the woman meaning Look at her face, that does not mean that you look at what is not what is not permissible for you, but to look at the face of the hands is permissible. So to get to marry a woman to meet her to look at her to talk to her, this is very much not just permissible been recommended by the professor, by all means, obviously does not mean that the two of you are alone in a room that is not permissible.
So you look at her you talk to talk to her in the company of people in with, with somebody there who is married to her. So you can do that, whether it's in their in their home or in a restaurant or whatever. But make sure that you see the person that you marry the custom that we have in, in our cultures in many cases where the first time you see your bride is you know after the marriage, when you are alone in the room. This is not from Islam, this
is not from Islam, right.
Whether at that time you have a place
than a surprise or a nasty shock is immaterial. The point is that this is not from Islam, make sure that you
talk to the person understand what that person is, and so on and so
on Islamic law, he said, parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom she or he does not want to marry. And if he or she refuses, then he or she is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he or she does not eat what he or she does not want to eat.
So if you are being forced to marry somebody
who you don't want to marry, then you are free to refuse. And this is not
construed as disobedience to the parents.
Now, another Hadith, which
is quoted by and also it's, it's actually quoted by basava, Delano, and these are these reverse relates to a lady one of the sabya
alcanza, with the hidden delana. She said, my father married me to his nephew.
And I did not like this match. So I complained to lasala. So first, he said to me, accept what your father has arranged, I said, I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged. I don't like them, and
then this marriage is invalid.
He said, that ends the matter. This marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.
So here is a case where the father arranged the marriage, the girl didn't like it, she went to the cellar, complained to him. Naturally, he advised her to listen to the Father, because that's the first thing to do. So he said, the father knows, you knows the marriage and so on. So we'll listen to the Father. She said, No.
I don't want to listen to the Father. I don't want to marry this person. I don't like the person. Now imagine, here is this girl saying I don't like the person not trying to persuade her. He's not trying to say, Look, your father is wiser do that nothing. She's I don't like the person that
matters over.
Matter is over.
No, marriage is invalid. He said, Go and marry whoever you are, whoever you like.
This is the level of freedom that is given to women to accept or reject whoever they want to marry, then this lady, and May Allah to Allah subhanaw taala save us from women. Women are complicated, believe me. I've been married to one for the last 35 years. And she's not complicated. It is not that complicated. But
so then she says,
I have accepted what my father has arranged.
Meaning that this marriage is okay. I'm not going to leave the guy.
But I wanted women to know that fathers are no right in their daughters matters. That is they have no right to force a marriage on them. That is why I came and complained to you.
Because I told you, women are complicated. But anyhow, you can do without them. So understand this. Never force the girl to marry somebody she doesn't want. And you don't go and marry someone who was forced to marry you.
Because then your life will become a living hell because she's going to take out all that she had against the father on you. So be very clear about this matter. If she doesn't want to marry you don't marry her. And that you asked directly face to face. So you are clear what's happening.
In another head is in theory and even Amada, which is a cluster. So he,
in Bioshock, albani rasulillah salam is reported to have said if there comes to you one, and he's now talking about the, the boys, the men, the rooms, he said, if somebody comes to you with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter to him.
And he said, if you don't do that corruption will spread in the land.
So now what is he saying here? He's saying here that even if the boy even if the groom is maybe not well off, maybe he's not the most handsome in the world, or something like that. Now, he's not saying go and find, you know, poor ugly person? No.
He's saying whatever else might be there.
Choose in favor of character and choose in favor of religious commitment. And in a minute, I'll tell you why this whole focus on religious commitment, so he said, marry your daughter to him. And I can tell you in my life I've seen I won't mention the names and so on here, but I know a case where a very wealthy industrialists very very wealthy industrialists in the 1930s
he
married, he had three daughters, he had no sons, he had three daughters, he married all three of them, to people who work for him, his employees.
His two boys not not even, he's not talking about marrying them towards some Vice President, those days, they never had those designation. He married the three daughters that he had two or three people who worked for him. And all three marriages were hugely successful.
And those three people grew his business
to a level where he probably would not have been able to do that on his own. So obviously, the man was a phenomenal judge of character. And he picked the right people. And he married I mean, they I just told you don't marry somebody with a huge difference in social status. But in some cases, that works brilliantly. Of course, obviously, it takes a lot of maturity and understanding and so on and so forth. But the whole point i'm saying is that yes, all of these things are important, including social status and so on and so forth. But what is very critical is religious commitment and character, these are the two primary things that you must look for, whether it is in the boy or in
the girl either way.
Now, why am I Why did I emphasize on this, it is because of the following thing. Now, you will you many of you will know that the first is which is decided in the marriage,
in any marriage that you are dead, is the first Ayat of Surah Nisa, where Allah subhanaw taala said yeah, you are nashotah Cora como la de la kakum mi nuptse wahida wahala chi minh has Olga basa Minh Houma, Rizal and Casio when is a what the hola hola de la luna Viva La ham in LA LA Cana la comida Kiba
right now this inala Hakuna Allah Cobra is the is the last part which I want to emphasize on the whole is of course meaning of it Allah subhanaw
taala Idaho Rob Bakula de la comida. All Mankind have Taqwa of Europe, who created you from a single person Adam Ali Salaam and from him otherworldy cerami created his wife Ali Salam. And from them both. He created many men and women and gave and have Taqwa of Allah, through whom you demand your mutual rights. It De La Hoya Allah de de una de la
and do not get the relation of your kinship of the wombs. And surely Allah is Ever a watcher over you. Now the reason I have the reason why we focused on character and religious commitment is because in a marriage, especially when things are going wrong, especially when there are issues, your final
invocation, your final port of call your final sustenance is Allah subhanaw taala. Now if you married somebody who has no concern for Allah, if you married somebody who comes from a family which has no concern for Allah, if you have, if you marry somebody who does not mind disobeying Allah, if you marry somebody whose family does not mind disobedience of Allah, then how are you going to find sustenance? When times would become tough? Then you come and say, What was Allah subhanaw taala. As you know, Fear Allah in the matter. Remember the day of judgment in the matter, they will say which day of judgment
is not familiar territory for them. Right? And that is the reason why it's very important.
If you marry people who are obedient to Allah subhanaw taala those people will be good to you. Those people will honor you, those people will respect you. Because they are conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala is Allah Hakuna la Kumara Kiba they're conscious of that Allah subhanaw taala is watching me.
They are doing it to please Allah subhanaw taala gives you a beautiful life as well. But if you marry somebody who doesn't really care whether Allah subhanaw taala is pleased or not. So they are disobeying Allah subhanaw taala Then who are you? He has no respect even for Allah. How is he or she going to have respect for you? Who are you?
So you are good until you please them, but the day you don't please them.
And that's the reason why it is very critical for us as Muslims to have that clear and conscious in your mind and say that I will marry somebody who is obedient to Allah subhanaw taala
right.
Now, what are the lessons from this ayah number one is the importance of taqwa as the foundation of life.
That's the first lesson because Allah subhanaw taala said it first. Yeah, you wanna hit taco.
Oh, people have Taqwa of Europe. So Allah
Allah is Allah, Allah subhanaw taala is our sustainer he created to have Taqwa of him to be concerned about his pleasure, this is the fundamental foundation of life and the fundamental foundation of marriage. Number two, importance of maintaining blood relations.
Again, very, very critical matter because marriage is all about relationships, and it begins with the relationship of the womb. So, that is the importance of maintaining deletion. Third thing is the importance of respecting each other's rights.
Right.
Very important because marriage is not just about satisfying your physical needs.
And this is something which is very clear, very important to emphasize. You have a responsibility for which you are accountable to Allah subhanho wa Taala. how you treat your spouse is not just a matter of your will and pleasure, it's a matter of the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala for which you will be held accountable.
So, importance of each other's rights and respecting them and that's what allows monetizing fear Allah subhanho wa Taala have Taqwa of Allah subhanho wa Taala, through whom you claim your rights.
What is it that makes a man legal to a woman and a woman legal to a man? It is the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala you are performing the Nika In the name of Allah subhanaw taala. That is what makes a woman who is otherwise not married to you, makes her your wife and vice versa, makes you a husband. So therefore very important to have Taqwa and also respecting of each other's rights because your answer will not lie. And finally, in the law had a COVID Akiva, which is
in the law,
which is the importance and being aware of the Presence of Allah subhanaw taala in your life, being aware of the Presence of Allah subhanaw taala in your life has two major benefits. Number one, it's a source of great comfort Alhamdulillah by Allah is with me.
So I don't have to fear anything in this life. As long as I'm obedient to Him, I have to fear nothing in his life. And second one is that it keeps you clean, and it gives you on the right track because Allah subhanaw taala is watching. So therefore, I'm not going to do something which is displeasing to Allah, and anything which is immoral, anything which is
in any way harmful to society is this is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala. So the foundation of our marriage is obedience to Allah subhanho wa Taala which is what this ayat of Surah Nisa emphasizes for us.
Now, what is a Muslim marriage?
A Muslim marriage is a marriage between a man and a woman. So important thing to keep that in mind, first and foremost, first and foremost. And since I'm speaking here, primarily to the men, let me make this very clear. Now, first of all, it's an act of worship, but only if it is done according to the Sharia of Islam. Please understand that marriage is an act of worship only if it is done according to the Sharia of Islam. If you do the marriage in ways which are against the Sharia of Islam Have you introduce all kinds of customs into the marriage which has nothing to do the shadow of Islam then it ceases to be an act of worship. It will still be legal if you have done the
marriage if you don't perform nica, I'm not saying it is illegal. But definitely you cannot expect reward from Allah subhanaw taala for introducing all kinds of practices into a marriage which are not part of Islam. Number two, a Muslim marriage is simple.
Islam makes Zina complicated and expensive and bad. And it makes marriage easy and simple and good.
Today, we live in a world which is the opposite, where adultery and fornication is very easy.
And marriage has become very complicated. And we have made it complicated. Islam does not make it complicated. Marriage is very simple.
But we have done the opposite. Instead of simplifying marriages, and therefore obviously, fornication and adultery, which are evils of society, these become difficult. So even if somebody wants to go there, it's much more difficult, easier to get married, instead of that we have changed the order and we suffer as a result of that. So keep the marriage simple. And I will tell you in a minute what that is.
Introducing of practices into marriage in Islam, not just complicates it, but also incurs the displeasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Now Muslim marriage is simple. Therefore if you want to complicate it, you necessarily have to introduce practices from somewhere else.
What will you do is not in Islamic, Islamic simple. I still remember
a conversation that I overheard, which would have been funny if it wasn't real.
I was
signing up in my gym, in this tunnel over here. And the there were three girls sitting there in the, in the in the reception, all three of them they work for the, for the gym, one Muslim girl, two intervals. And the two Hindu girls are talking to each other about the Muslim girl.
And one is saying together, you know, her life is so simple.
Her life is so good, because when she has to get married, there's no problem, the husband will come and give her money.
And then he will have the party
he will have the dinner, which he will pay for, and he will take her home. In our case, he she takes the about Hindus, in our case, he says My father has to give a dowry and we have to give presents and we have to give this we have to do the wedding banquet and all of this, all the burden is on us. Whereas for her meaning the Muslim girl, there is no burden on her parents. I told you that that conversation would have been
it would not have been funny.
If it wasn't, you know if they were really talking something which was real. But I found it very funny because I didn't I didn't laugh but I found it extremely funny because that's the opposite of what is happening today with Muslim marriages in this country.
Because we have introduced dowry into it. In our city my I tell you, I love the language and I love our deck and
we have this beautiful way of expressing reality in very descriptive terms in Muslim marriages in in Hyderabad, as you know, the dowry is called
the price of the horse. So they're buying a horse.
So decide where to sell value or your man or your house. And of course I call it the
price of the donkey. Because I don't think any self respecting horse will want to be bought in order to get married.
So if you are a horse, you will get a nightmare you won't get a you won't get a marriage. Please understand this is absolutely shameful, absolutely shameful. How can you as a man take money to get married? It's so shameful it is not really it's not even funny when I'm being humorous. But believe me there's no there's no joy in my heart. It's a horrible, horrible, dirty system that we have incorporated.
Where the bride and the girl and the girl's father the parents, they are expected to spend money and they are expected to buy you clothes I mean you are a You are a beggar what you're a *ing pig Are you have no clothes, she has to buy clothes for you.
Absolutely shameful. Have some have some Have some shame.
If you are so poor that you can't even buy own clothes, then you have no right to get married. So forget about marriage, go take cold showers, right?
give you one if you if you have the means to get married and get married,
it's for you to it's a matter of your dignity is a matter of your pride and confidence for you to spend money.
So keep it simple. And if you keep it simple, you don't have to spend a lot of money. The Muslim marriage happens in a Masjid,
which takes the entire process will take all of maybe 25 minutes.
And that's it.
And then you give a Voluma which is you invite family and friends,
your choice how many want to invite, it's not that you have to invite the whole country.
Give them a nice good simple meal. And that's it, what does it cost.
So if you are if you keep it simple, it will be simple, it will be dignified, and it will cost you next to nothing.
And you will please Allah subhanaw taala and it will be an act of worship for which Allah subhanaw taala will reward you instead of that now if you introduce our customs and in our customs here, and different countries have different customs but these ones here.
Guy what is the what what is the the litany of it? Where does it start from? The first one is what
the engagement
this we imported from Christianity because we didn't have it. The engagement whatever that means.
You are making what is haram holiday and you think you're making into law because now they are engaged so they can meet Who told you that? Who told you that there's no such thing as engagement, they cannot meet they can meet in order to decide whether they want to get married or not. I told you that already. chaperones with their family, you can meet you can meet her once, maybe you can meet her a second time if you want. But this does not mean that you're going to be dating her in another name.
Right? No, sorry. That is only to decide once you decided I want to get married to you. That's it until you're Nika you do not meet her again.
So where is the engagement
but you have this engagement you give her a ring you put a ring on the finger which ring what ring? Which Islam is this. So that's the first
One after that we have in India what is called Amanda and Amanda is where they put honey on this girl turmeric pests
and they also put some debris based on your face because you are part of that whole thing right?
So I usually tell people I said after that have a masala party and after that have a Michi party so that you completely marinate nicely and you got a real hot bright
right?
What is this for when it comes to everything has to be yellow. So everyone has wears yellow clothes and so on and so on. Then there is Bullock ag thing that you got these women and so on will come and they'll be drums and they will sing all these funny songs and whatnot. And then the groom is there and all of this data goes on.
Then there's something called satsang which I haven't figured out what what honor that is, but it is another excuse to get together and have some obedience. So the manga there is logic, then there is maybe so why they put some more tests on some green stuff, which then leaves off a color that then this may be
and he hasn't begun yet he hasn't even begun and on all of this right? And then after that there is the Nika and then of course
Sangeeta Of course I forgot that a new one Sunday. So there's a Sunday there's this actress song and dance party, literally they have and depending on on how much money you want to spend, you've got these professional singers or dancers. I know today they are there are marriages where they actually have choreographed Sangeeta, you got a choreographer from Bollywood, who will come and tell you what you should wear and how you will dance and what will happen. All Muslim marriages after Muslim marriages, all of this happens. And after that, you have the actual nikka. Twin this Nick, of course, everyone is has they spent about 30 minutes, pretending to be pious, and everyone is you
know, the women have dupatta gracefully draped over their heads. And the men put on trophies for what 20 minutes or so that's about the time that the trophy, the head can take the trophy. And then they will have the kazi who will come and give the hotbar and everyone sits there and looks very pious and repentant. And then once that thing is over the body is given his envelope and he disappears and then the real game begins, which is you will have a
recital and food and ostentation that like you can't believe five kinds of meats and six kinds of whatnot, whatnot, whatnot, all of that. And then Believe me hasn't ended. Not by a longshot, because the next day is something called Jyoti. Now it's the happens the day after why it's called Jyoti, which means for I don't know me, I think they they lose count by them, of how many days have already gone into that. So, this is a then they have a choti which is one more opportunity to displease Allah subhanho wa Taala and to you know, to have some more biryani and then after Jyoti, then comes over.
And then of course after the Voluma, they will have for the next four Fridays, one after the other. They have Jumanji and Jumanji and Jumanji and Giovanni has a for Juma keys have to be done, all of which is done at the expense of the bride except for the walima where the groom may give a little bit of money. And there of course is also the expectation that the bride's father will be decent enough to fork out quite a lot, a lot of the stuff or it is volunteer and then this when he volunteers, his offer will be graciously accepted. And then so this is our Muslim wedding in our great city of Hyderabad and I think this is more or less true now for almost all of India, we are
great teachers, we teach people how to disobey Allah subhanaw taala pretty well, I think this, you know, and I can give you some names and so forth, which of course I won't. point of the matter is that all of this stuff, every single day is completely an Islamic completely undignified
and will only incur the the anger of Allah subhanaw taala for you.
Please understand, a marriage is a rite of passage, it is a rite of passage for the man.
And what is the rite of passage, a rite of passage is what decides whether you are a man or not.
So therefore I say to the men, if you want to get married, decide, Are you a man?
Because if you're not a man, then there is no marriage.
Right? If you're not a man, man, how do you get married?
to a woman.
So please make make up. If you are a man, then act like a man.
Act like a man act with dignity, act with confidence.
So what must happen? The rituals number one proposal.
You take a proposal to the family of the bride.
Of course your family can go with you but that's not compulsory. You can go on your own
and propose for the hand of the girl. And this time you're talking to the Father or talking to the valley whoever is responsible for
A girl.
And you asked for her hand in marriage.
This is your job to do that. Right? Now, if that involves that you go there and you obviously you don't go there empty handed, you go there with some with some gifts. Now again, this sometimes gets pushed, now we're talking the other side of the story. Now the boat is on the other foot that were in many countries, including Middle Eastern countries, many African countries, the boat is on the other foot. So now when the boy goes to when the groom potential prospective groom goes to ask for the handle the bride, they expect him to bring presents for the entire family of the of the bride.
And maybe the bride's father has four wives and 34 children. And so therefore, you got a lot of presents to drive the drive in there with a truck because in that that's the kind of presence you need. Now, this is both of these extremes are completely wrong.
You are making marriage difficult. And you are making Zina easy.
in both the cases in the in the India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and our subcontinent culture, you make it tough on the woman in the Middle Eastern culture, you make it tough on the man, both are wrong. Both Iran marriage is simple, it is dignified, and it is easy on the woman and on the man.
So what must happen, you go and make a proposal, you decide on the matter. And of course, by the day before before that when you make the proposal then there is a meeting and so forth, you meet the girl, the girl meets you in the presence of her family, and you decide Yes, this is a person I want to marry.
And then you talk to the Father, you talk to the
to the family and you decide on the matter. You pay them and you can pay right there, you can pay it at the time on the nickel itself. And then you have the nikka as I told you do it in a budget, which is the sadhana. But you can also do it in some other place, which is not a budget. And then you have a walima which can be on the same day it can be on a day after the only requirement is that you should have spent the husband and wife should have spent time together alone by themselves without anybody else, which means together in a room, they should have spent time it is not a requirement of consummation of marriage is not requirement for walima.
Actual sexual contact is not a requirement for Voluma.
Just being alone with the girl is considered to be conservation of marriage. And this is an important thing to remember. Because in Islam, Islam recognizes the fact that here is this girl with a pure character, she has not been around, she's not dated men and so on and so forth. So for her, it is complete. And of course, obviously, the boy is also supposed to be biased. And he's also supposed to be somebody who is pure and who has not been around as well. So for them to expect to expect that as soon as they're in the guys performed that they're both going to jump into bed, it's completely unrealistic, and it is ridiculous and nobody intends that pressure to be put on them. And
I have seen some cases where actual physical harm happens because of that kind of pressure which they put on themselves. So be very clear in your mind is no there is no such pressure. As long as you just spend some time together, by yourself this is considered sufficient. And then you have your whenever and after that you've got the rest of your life to get to know each other, to make friends with each other, to have a good life, both physically as well as a good life, spiritually, with each other hamdulillah all about you. So this is the sequence proposal, mohair nica and walima and the man spends for all of them.
There is no expense, zero expense on the bride and on the parents of the bride. It is the job of the man to spend for all of them and as I told you, keep it simple. Don't make it so difficult for the man to spend that next thing you know the girl is remains unmarried, the man is unmarried and then May Allah protect us the shaitaan is there to play games with everybody.
And in other cases don't make it so tough on the on the woman that people actually killing their girl children. They're having abortions if they have children,
because of what they foresee when the girl is ready to get married, is it better to kill her while she's
in the isn't the womb and this sin collectively comes on the on the society which has created this very, very dirty system because of which people are
resorting to such thing female infanticide is is very common
in this country to the extent that in this country, and May Allah subhanaw taala bless the government to pass that law. It is illegal for hospitals and diagnostic centers to tell you the gender of the child when you get a scan. It's illegal in this country. You cannot be the dude at the border jail. Why did they have to bring this up before because of this to somehow try to
to stem the tide of female infanticide. And the reason for female infanticide number one top reason is the dowry system. The daddy system is such a horrible it is not it was never in Islam, we imported it.
And the people who had it, the Hindus, they are unhappy about it. And so we are also unhappy about it. They really, really, I mean, instead of we teaching them something, which is good for them and us.
And I have many innovative idea almost anyone will say this is a lousy system, but we are stuck in that what do we do?
So seriously, we were sent to show the world how to live, but we have destroyed our own lives, and we don't show them what they should do. I think it's high time that we should change and I'm saying this very strongly, because you guys who are not married, it is responsibility on you.
Don't come back and say about what can I do my parents, no parents, there is no obedience to the slaves in the disobedience of Allah. If your parents the end of the day, please understand this very clearly. Many times do you hear this story? People listen to all of this. Then when the time of marriage comes in my Cocker minyama bah bah bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, he
disobeyed me. This obey them.
It is your duty to disobey them. It is your duty to destroy parents who are telling you to disobey Allah.
The parents do not come before Allah subhanaw taala and his mama Salah. Otherwise you will answer to Allah Samantha remember that.
There is no obedience to the slave in the disobedience to Allah Subhana Allah, Allah Allah.
If you go against Islamic practices in marriage, you are personally responsible, no matter who you claim, forced you there is no force. If you say I will not get married, there is no force on the face of the planet, which can force you to get married. That's all you need to do. You have to simply say, I'm sorry, I will not get married, if it is not done islamically
let them cry, let them we've let them say what they want. Sorry, I will not get married unless it is done. islamically. And I know many cases where are hamdulillah. And some of them are my students from here, who stood up against a lot of family pressure.
They said no, we will not do it. Because we have learned this is wrong. And Alhamdulillah they had beautiful marriages. Very simple, very dignified. And they are living very happily Alhamdulillah years later because the Baraka of Allah subhanho wa Taala His pleasure is with them and in their marriages.
So as I'm saying to very clearly be very clear in your mind, if you as the groom, and if you as the bride, if you refuse to get married in an Islamic ways, no parent can force you know, nobody can force you.
But if you want to succumb to that pressure, and then you want to blame it on them, when you stand before Allah, believe me, that argument doesn't hold water. You are responsible, personally, you are responsible.
The biggest problem with all of this, and I must say that is the fact that because you are wealthy, you do these things, and you permit them in your marriages, people who don't have the money, also do it because they see you as their icons and their leaders.
So you are actually responsible for spreading corruption in the land. Because of you it is happening. And I know cases where people have borrowed money on interest in order to get their daughter married according to a certain standard. They are even with that they are nowhere near your standard. Obviously they don't have that money, but they completely impoverished themselves.
They are borrowing money on interest in order to keep up with you in order to emulate your example. Now How shameful is that?
How shameful is that?
set a good example. And final point. You not as a bride and groom I told you that already bride and groom your person responsible you as an invitee, you as a friend of the bride and groom you as a relative of the bride and groom you as a brother or sister of the bride and groom you as anyone close to the bride and groom. If you are invited to a wedding which is ostentatious. If you are invited to a wedding, which has any an Islamic customs in it. Refuse to attend
and tell them why you're not at Don't say I have a stomachache. No you don't have a stomachache. So my stomach is fine. I will not attend because your wedding is ostentatious. Your wedding has is rough. Your wedding has non Muslim customs in it. You're Muslim, your wedding is not a Muslim and Islamic wedding. Your wedding has all kinds of things in it which which which Allah subhanaw taala doesn't like so I will not attend your wedding. Oh, but you are the brother. Yes, I'm the brother. I am not breaking my relationship with my
Sister, but I will not participate in what is haram.
Please understand that people will try to blackmail you and they say, oh but you have to maintain the relation of the womb. The religion of the womb is intact. You're not you're not breaking it by not attending a haram function in our in a marriage.
You're not breaking relationship, my sister, my sister, no problem. Tamara, she's in trouble I will help her. But I will not attend a wedding in which Allah is being disobeyed. You are my father, your mother, I will still obey you. But when you are telling me to do something which is against Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah comes first you come next.
Be very clear, very clear. Do not attend weddings, which are which are not being conducted according to the Sharia of Islam. The greatest one of the greatest evils of our society is the amount of colossal amount of money which is thrown down the drain in ostentatious weddings, and maybe you're trying to show off to people,
which is schilke which is RAF, which angers Allah subhanaw taala geladeira.
Allah subhanaw taala mentioned is very clearly in Surah Surah Allah subhanaw taala said in Al Baba z Naka No, Juana shayateen waka Anna shaitan oliviera de fora, Allah said Verily, people who are most of the people who are Hoopa zerene, people who are spendthrifts, people who spend ostentatiously to show off these are the brothers of the shaitan they are the brothers of the shatin Cano were really and truly he one ashati and they are the brothers of charity. And the shaitan is a coffee. The shaytan is always ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now what more
what more warning Do you want
not to indulge in his wrath not to indulge in ostentation Allah subhanaw taala called those people the brothers of shatta Do you want to be a brother a cheetah? Do you want to be called a brother of Shambala Samantha. If that is not the case, don't indulge in it. don't participate in it. Don't go. If people are offended, no problem, please be offended.
Please be offended. No problem. If the father of the bride or the or the father of the husband or the groom says I'm sorry if you don't agree to this, you cannot marry my daughter Alhamdulillah Allah saved me right now.
Alhamdulillah Allah saved me right now. And don't get taken in by how beautiful she is and how to how handsome he is and so on and so forth. Don't get don't get taken in by that.
Tuna he or he or he or sorry, so there is no profit.
Right? Allah will give you better if you leave for the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala. And believe me doesn't come to that never comes to that if you if you have a backbone. Today we got a most Muslims have a bone problem. Right? They've got a bone problem. You know what the bone problem, too much bone in the head and too little bone in the back bone
is the problem.
Too much bone in the head and too little in the backbone.
You need to get some bone in the right board. It's called the backbone. It's not called the back jelly.
Or the back table. It's called the backbone right? Make it look like a bone. Stand up for what is Huck
and reduce the amount of bone in the head. You need brain not bone in the head. Right? Please be very clear. And like all the muscle phenolic all the people who who are ostentatious who spend for the sake of showing Allah call them the brothers and sisters of shatta.
And also remember, no matter what you do, no matter how much you want to spend,
there's always someone who spends more.
So big deal.
Big deal.
We had a case here in Hyderabad and it happens to us here constantly. We had a case here where somebody had a wedding and they booked the falaknuma Palace Hotel that his hotel booked the hotel. So it was oh my god book the whole formula. And then there was a wedding in one of the families here. And the guy gave his daughter a dowry of 1300 crores
right now believe me the falaknuma Palace doesn't cost 1300 crores to buy.
Forget about booking that for two or three days.
So big deal so what what did you get?
That made some money.
But who are you embracing
Seriously, this is
Your sight and nothing else, your shutter
and what is my dental for saying do not go to his weddings. My delille is the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala said in zumaia the famous is the second it is so, jam it is so complete. It's got so many things. And one of the things I said is what
taqwa wa alleles are the one what takala in Allah Harsha de kaap Allah said help one another in albir and taqwa Where is virtue Where is piety and dukkha is the consciousness of Allah Subhana Allah to help one another in bear and taqwa and do not help last hour. When I whenever whenever I mentioned this, I always remind myself and you it was not necessary to say valadao because if Allah valorizing Tao and Albury taqwa obviously, not to support someone in the opposite is understood.
But when what should be understood is being said clearly, what does it mean? It means it is so important that Ally's even stating the obvious stating what should be obvious. So Allah is saying wala tavano lol if me well or the one ism is sin, or the one is transgression, it is rebelliousness. So Allah says do not
help one another.
One what the hola and have fear of Allah subhanho wa Taala as
displeasure in de la Shadi De Luca, Allah did not say, Allah said in Allah, Masha De Luca, Verily, Allah subhanaw taala, Severe in punishment.
So if you help one another in sin and transgression, then be prepared for the punishment of Allah subhanaw taala to descend on your heads. I do not wish that on you please, please understand that very clearly.
And that's why I say to you, do not begin your life with angering Allah.
Do not begin the life of the of your children by angering Allah
because Nothing good can ever come out of disobedience of Allah subhanaw taala
strictly follow the journey of Islam because only in that there is and the Sharia of Islam is the Sunnah of Muhammad Rasul Allah is Allah Allah, Allah strictly follow that because in that there is Allah will reward you and Allah subhanaw taala will protect you and He will give you a children a beautiful life. Do not disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala della della Lu, don't begin your life as a bride and groom by disobeying Allah and do not begin the lives of your children as the parents of the bride and groom by disobeying Allah subhanaw taala if you do that, then be prepared for the punishment of Allah subhanho wa Taala in your life and in the lives of your children, which you
ruined because of your knifes, nothing else.
Please be very, very clear.
I come therefore, to the eyes of the Quran, where Allah subhanaw taala beautifully mentioned the marriage and he called it one of his signs. What he said in the room, our Villa Havana shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim wamena T. Kala Kala ko Menon, vusi comas Wada, Lita skoon o la wa Jalla Bina Kumar,
Ma, in Viva La La, la Lee comi
11 gin and said that among the signs among His Signs among his geladeira among His Signs is this that he created for you, your mates, your spouse's from amongst yourselves, that you may find repose in them that you may find tranquility in them, so going in them, and he jela delillo has put between you love mawatha wahama and mercy verily in that are indeed signs for people who reflect
I submit to Allah subhanaw taala use three words. So coal mawatha and Rama what is so good. So corn is the absence of movement. So corn as we as we know in the in the Bara, we have these our parish and Joseph in order, which is so cold in Arabic, we have the macabre and we have so good so cone is where the letter does not the sound does not move.
There's no IE.
The sound remains pure to that letter. Right now, so go on in terms of the marriage refers to tranquility and peace and harmony and the lack of movement of the spouse away from his or her spouse.
So no movement away from the spouse, no movement of the heart, no movement of desire, no movement of the eyes, no movement of the tongue, no movement of the hands and feet away from your spouse, complete and total faithfulness to your spouse. This is the fundamental of marriage. And the last one and I said, this is why this is the sign of philosophy. This is a sign of Allah, Allah. And Allah subhanaw taala gave it to Lita, schooner, Elijah, so that you may find sukoon with each other. Second meaning of sukoon is also the environment of the home.
Today, we have made the home into a battleground. So this constant battle between the husband and the wife to on a daily basis to see who comes out on top. This is not from Islam. The home is supposed to be a it's like the port. It's like the it's like the harbor ship is on the high seas. The ship is buffeted by winds, the ship has to face storms in the on the high seas. But once it comes inside the harbor, it is safe. There's no storm inside the harbor. If there's a storm inside the harbor, then where does the ship? Where does the ship go?
The home must be the harbor place of tranquility, a place of mutual respect, a place of love, a place of affection, a place of a place which is beautiful, where you will love to come back to which you don't want to leave and go.
I'm the law among all the blessings of Allah Subhana Allah and Allah has blessed me in ways that you can't imagine I'm the most blessed human being on the face of the earth. And I'm most grateful to Mara and one of the things that he blessed me with is a is a fantastic wife. I've been married for 35 years Mashallah.
And I have a home where you guys know that I don't leave my home for weeks when I'm in Hyderabad. from my house, I go to the masjid and back to the home I don't even go out of the gate.
Not because I'm a recluse or not because I'm some kind of freak
but because I don't need to go. I don't like to I love my home.
And hamdulillah Allah has given me a beautiful in every respect.
It looks nice, it feels nice. There is warmth in it, there is love in it. There is affection in it, there is respect in it, there is a desire in it.
And I'm saying this do not because I want to show I'm saying is true because Allah subhanaw taala isn't mentioned the name of Allah subhanaw taala. And I'm saying it to you just to prove that here is me, ordinary garden variety human being. event if it happened to me, it happened to you. How does it happen? by obeying Allah subhanaw taala I did not take one single cent of dowry 35 years ago.
There was huge pressure.
I paid for my entire wedding. And I did that because it was Nika, and there was the one in my class there was a huge amount to pay.
It is doable.
It is doable.
But you must have the backbone, less born here and more bone in the backbone.
So Allah Allah said, tranquility, the home is made to be a place of tranquility, not to be a burglar. second word Allah used was mawatha, which is love.
Love his physical love, his emotional love comes out of respect. In Islam, we don't, you might fall in love. But
I always say that falling is not a great thing. If you don't believe me, stand up and lift up both your legs
and see what happens right.
Instead of falling in love, grow in love. If you grow in love, then you fall in love every day,
every day of your life. Every single day, you fall in love with your wife every single day you fall in love with your husband and it grows with time. And that begins with respect. So first of all, marry somebody who's worthy of respect.
And then get to know the person. be friends with the person, your husband or your wife is your best friend. Don't spend time with your friends in the in your clubs, spend time at home,
do things together, learn about each other take interest in each other's interests. And if you find that for example, you are the east and she's the West that's okay. But then let her be the West Don't try to bring her Don't try to mix oil and water doesn't work.
So it is it is you it is good if you have if you have common interest and even if you do not have common interest. It doesn't matter as long as you allow the other person to live in their environment.
For example, I'm a self concept self confessed Philistine. I mean my knowledge of art is like
Zilch.
You know, I look at paintings and so on. So what if it looks nice to me. It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I mean, I have zero appreciation of
of you know, modern art or whatnot. Right? But my wife is a she's an artist. She's a painter. She
He has a lot of knowledge of art and so on, so forth. So try as much as I want. I cannot bring myself to be interested in art.
So we are on two opposite ends. I'm very interested in wildlife, nothing, I need the forest literally, I need a jungle.
So every three months or so unless I'm sitting in the boat somewhere, I am intensely unhappy.
But when my wife Elian is a lion is a lion.
So the last thing in the world she wants is to go in the wish is to go to Google or wherever or anywhere. Last thing he likes. He doesn't like musk. I mean, I don't love mosquitoes either, but I don't mind them. Because they come with the lions. But you know, my my point is that two completely opposite things. But Alhamdulillah she does what she wants, I do what my what I want. And I respect the right to do that with my right rudeness and so forth. And as I told you, we married for 35 will be allies, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to keep us together until we meet him inshallah.
See, I mean.
So the point i'm saying is that it is possible even if you do not have interests, which are two are the same, still to have a beautiful marriage. But that will happen only if you respect one another.
And that's why my principle rule which I which I tell people, as long as your spouse is not doing something against the Sharia, leave them alone, don't try to run their life for them, don't try to live their life for them, don't try to control them out of their mind. Wear this, don't wear that do this, don't do that go here, don't go there No, as long as what they are doing is not against the Sharia. Leave them alone, give them space.
be super controlling, is a horrible thing. Third matter with love also is trust. So love with respect, love is also trust. And the way to express this trust, the number one way is sharing of property.
It's not just a matter of the fact that now she you've got another person in the room, no sharing of what you have,
freely and openly sharing of what you have. In Islam, there is no concept of joint ownership of property because if somebody dies, the inheritance laws apply individually on the man and they apply individually on the woman, if you've got a joint bank account or if you die, who does the money belong to? So people are deprived. For example, if you die is a joint account, the account still belongs to the to your wife who's alive. And your inheritors
will not be able to access that money which we should have, they wish they would have had to they would be entitled to that because it is your money.
Or at least part of it is your money. So the issue of joint ownership is not there it is you must own your property. The woman has the right to own her property.
Islam does not take away the property of the woman and give and doesn't give it to you. So she has the right to own her own property and therefore that must be left with her.
There's a famous story of this in the in the Sharia, which is also Hadith, but Abdullah nimasa Delano,
who is his wife, Zim bozhena, Ilana, and then Elena was very wealthy. And Abdullah Massoud was not wealthy. So one day then I
asked him, can I give my Zakat to you
to the husband.
Right now you cannot give Zakat to your parents because that's part of your responsibility. You're supposed to look after them if they need it. You can do is give you a socket to them. But then our delana she asked Abdullah so can I give my Zakat you Abdullah Massoud said, I don't know.
He said, Go ask the source of Salah. So she said you go and ask on my behalf. He said no. I will not ask. You won't ask.
He didn't use I will come with you. So you wanna ask? So she went and she is your daughter and she's Ursula, I'm Xena.
Xena.
So she said the wife of Abdullah muscle.
He said yes. What is it that I can do for you? What What do you want? He said yeah, so like, Can I give my Zakat to my husband? He said yes. So Islam not only permits the woman to have our own property, but the woman is permitted to give Zakat to our husband which shows that the woman is not responsible for the husband.
She can give it means that it is not her responsibility to look after Allah. If you want to give Zakat to admin she can give if you want to give that same Zakat somebody else you can give that.
So several properties. Therefore in terms of your wife, what is she entitled to from you, which is her right, which is called Nebraska and Nebraska is
living expenses. NAFTA is not
Do your grocery lists.
People sometimes mistake this they think that I'm giving her money, you know, to go buy bread. No, that's, that is your responsibility to put food on the table is the responsibility of the man. If the woman is going to the market to buy that food, she's doing you a favor, it's your job to go and do that. NAFTA is pure spending money for her and how much how much you get shivers get in keeping with your level in society.
You can't give a $10 this is that just by that you're borrowing money, no, she must get enough to be able to maintain her status and her level of financial well being, as your wife, her NACA is a is a reflection of your Isa in society. And that is her right? When she married you, it became your responsibility to give her that enough
to not just the mayor, the mayor is the one time payment and that's hers. to do with what she wants, then, of course, is the continuous payment.
So be very, very clear that must happen and this comes from the trust. Now how you want to give that and so on and so forth. All of this is up to you, but definitely This is part of your responsibility as a husband. Last point, in this is the last word which Allah used is the word Rama which is mercy, which is one of the service of Allah subhanaw taala himself, what is mercy, I Divine Mercy as returning good for evil.
So returning good for that. Now in the case of marriage, inshallah, hopefully it is not bad, but a time may come when one of the spouses is unable to fulfill their,
their duties. At that time, what you do at that time, you remember all that past and he said, Hamdulillah, we had a good marriage. Today something has gone wrong. I'm not going to hold this against that.
Have mercy. Mercy is the basis of forgiveness which we expect when
we ask Allah for forgiveness. Why? Because he has mercy. If Allah no mercy, you could not have asked for forgiveness.
Because in terms of other injustice, there is no forgiveness.
In Islam, even Islamic law, even in the case of murder, for example.
In Islam, there is a scope for forgiveness, where the victim's family can actually forgive the person completely. Or they can take money in lieu of blood.
in regular law, there is no scope of forgiveness, question of establishing guilt, did murder happen or not murder happened then there has to be a sentencing
there is punishment, because there's no mercy.
In Islam, there is mercy with another's mercy, and in the marriage, Allah subhanaw taala used this term which is his own quality of mercy, which is the foundation of forgiveness. So respecting one another, honoring the history that you have forgiving one another. This is from the
from the culture of Islam. So marriage, my brothers and sisters can be a heaven on earth, but only if you want it and that is for you to decide, do you want your marriage to be a heaven on earth or not? If you want it, it can be but it will be only if you want it.
And finally, therefore I will end with this da da da sola sola Salam used to make for the spouses when they got married, where he would say barakallahu luck. Baba coholic with Java Kumar, he
used to say May Allah bless you, and may He send blessings upon you both. And may He unite you both in that which is good. And this is the Hadees also in Timothy, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to bless
your marriages. We ask Allah to bless the marriages of the Muslims. We ask Allah subhanaw taala those of you who are married to make your marriages heaven on earth, to remove all the
abrasive abrasiveness from that marriage. And we ask those who are not married We ask Allah subhanaw taala to give you wonderful spouses who will be a means of you to earn Jana.
Right and never get more smiles than that. For this day, all of the big teeth hamdulillah May Allah bless you and may Allah subhanaw taala give you spouses that will be a means of both of you to earn Jana Angela was Allah Allah Allah will Karim Allah Allahu wa sahbihi erotica