Living Islam – Raising a Muslim Child #13
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
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Hello Anna Raven hungry lair have been Alameen wa salatu salam ala sherfield MBA verwood Celine Mohamed Rasul Allah is Allah Allah He while he was able to sell them to Steven cathedra and cathedra
my brothers and sisters, in the last class we spoke about creating an environment at home, where the child is encouraged to live according to a high standard of behavior and a high standard of etiquette and values.
And I suggested to you that the best way to do that is to
speak to the children and and not as a as a class but as something that is done normally
in the home without comment, something which is normal for the home, to speak to them about great people to speak to them of course from the beginning, about the World Resources and sell them about the Gambia label Salaam. Allahu Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in the Quran.
Talk about literally, about about literature and poetry. My father was a great fan of Allama Bala Tillery and used to recite hundreds of lines, I don't even know how many lines you remember Ushahidi remember of his poetry, and
being in the company of,
of good and wise people, so you know, who you go to and who you visit, we have, the thing to understand is that modern society is consciously propagating an isolationist lifestyle. Right? It is like you are being brainwashed into believing that you don't need anybody else. So it's you, and the space that was taken by real human beings. Warm Bodies, with warm hearts and with great minds and with wisdom and with understanding with smiles on the faces and so on, is now taken by virtual reality. So you have your friends on Facebook, we don't even know who they are aware and whether they actually you friend, somebody, you unfriend somebody, you remember how to unfriend somebody,
right? We have we used to have and we still have I mean in reality, there are still what is the friend or there is a enemy or maybe there is somebody you're indifferent to you don't care about, but what is unfriend so we have invented language,
which promotes an isolationist way of being. And the reason we do that is because isolationist, isolationism is a way of control of of people, individuals are easier to control than large groups of people and those large groups of people of people are focused with one goal with one idea that they become almost impossible to control, whereas individuals can be controlled in different ways. So the whole materialistic society worships the individual which means worships crafts. So whatever makes you happy is okay doesn't matter what it is, our whole focus is on consumption and consumption and consumption. So it is shopping it is shopping, it is entertainment, it is holidays, it is this
pursuit that pursuit, right, we go we go hiking, we go cycling, none of this is bad in, in, in, in limited quantities in limited amounts. But the whole focus is that the number one important
person in my life is myself.
Nobody is more important, and is the opposite of Islam. This is completely opposite of Islam. So we have to understand because Islam, it talks about what is beneficial for and what is good for all of society, not for what one one individual, in the in the other or the etiquette or matura. Of, of seeking counsel. In collectively. The rule is that you should if you are asked to give you a massage, or if you're asked to give your opinion about something, you must give an opinion which in your mind is best for everyone. Not an opinion which is good for you. convenient for you, but maybe inconvenient father's This is not from Azure, that this is not from the other of Mushara in Islam.
the atmosphere we create is something to be
is to is something to be to be really thought about and to be created in order to bring about and create positive
influence, and more our children to grow into positive adults.
In my, my father loved the boy as I mentioned, the love the poetry of Allah, and while and he knew hundreds of lines of it, and he would sit with us, my mother shared his enthusiasm and knowledge. And she was a poet herself. And they would recite poetry and explain advanced concepts to us. Now we were children, we were sure that I was the oldest of them, on my, on my siblings. And at that time, when the time that I'm talking about as probably what, maybe 11 or 12, and the others were all younger, but they would explain they will talk to us like adults, and they will explain the concepts of alumna have been and my father's explanations would include the meaning and, and how what herbal
wrote about reflected in present day society and the politics of Muslims. It this was education in itself. literature and poetry are great ways to gain perspective on life, and my father's generation, use them to the fullest extent, to be able to quote appropriate lines of poetry. In letters in formal speeches, and in ordinary conversation was a sign of having had a good education.
Farsi was often the language of choice in
encoding poetry and Proverbs.
They will use proverbs of of Allah Sadie
zali, of one or Rumi amazing words of wisdom that speak across centuries and across time.
And underlying that knowledge has no bounds knowledge has no boundaries. Islam to us at that time when I was growing up did not only mean going to the masjid, but being able to interpret all of our everyday living in the light of the Quran, the Sunnah and the acquire the sayings of the wise. In retrospect, I recall
that there were almost no discussions on fic or on issues of the differences between the mother hips, my family, the maternal side is all Shafi, the paternal side, my father's side on Hanafi. And I don't remember a single instance not only of a dispute, but even a mentioning a difference between the Shafi way and the HANA view. No one even mentioned that raising your hands in Rafael de in in the in the Salah.
Is you No no, no. Have you ever said that to raise your hands more than once is incorrect. And no Shafi ever said that not to raise your hands more than once is incorrect. No one ever mentioned any of that. We prayed the way we prayed.
So those who pray who prayed in one way, they prayed that way that those who pray in a different way, they prayed different way there was no conflict. There was not even a mention of the fact that there are two different ways it it was built into us that if this was done by our elders, it was right and our elders, whether it be 100 Allah. So therefore, we learn to accept the differences in Fick and this did not result in divisions between us.
But there were numerous there was no discussions on on the differences of fiqh between the Malay but there were numerous discussions that remind us about the greatness of Allah subhanaw taala, about Islamic history, about the Zerafa Selim, and of the Sahaba, and the lives of the Prophet alayhi wa sallam, and stories of our own elders for stories of our own family members. Many of them were, were scholars, they were, they were noble, noble men and women. And they literally they, some of them, not all, but some of them literally wrote history. Right? So not not not wrote history as an author's of history books. They, they they decided, and they were key players in events of the time,
which we changed the path of destiny. Not everything was positive. Some of those things were things which I didn't think about and say how good somebody was so much of knowledge and understanding, not see
the negative side of what was happening. So we are not fully NSA ourselves, right? I'm not trying to promote you that I come from a family of people who never made mistakes. No, they made mistakes. And some of the brothers one of the problems of people in high places making mistakes is that there are big mistakes, but at least we learn from them.
It's common when we talk today about overall development of the child.
We mean his or her development in school studies, academics and sports, communication skills.
say even if you go that far I don't know of any school which actually teaches listening skills for example, which is probably the number one skill which makes a difference between failure and success in all kinds of things, in marriages, in, in relationships, in, in solving of disputes and conflict resolution, you name it, one of one of, if not the most important skill is not this skill of speaking, but the ability to listen attentively and to listen, in a way with understanding yet I don't know of any school curriculum which actually teaches how to listen. They there are there those who are not even everyone teaches how to how to speak, but at least some do, but how to listen.
Almost nobody. Now I don't even know how many of us even mean later on mentioned, the spiritual development of the child, even though as Muslims it is our belief that spiritual development is really the only thing that will last through all of eternity.
How many of us are concerned that our children find no sweetness in connecting to Allah subhanaw taala in their salah. We are not concerned because we also find no sweetness in collecting dollars rather than our Salah if we pray we it's a it's a ritual it's a routine we just go to the masjid because this is this was this is the thing to do. We are supposed to do that we go we pray.
We, I mean, when I pray
and people pray next to me, you know, especially because many people have this habit of of reciting
loud enough for the neighbor to hear and to disturb the neighbors. Salah also the big stage whispers But in that process, I listen to them reading wrong, right really wrongly, they are deciding that as we had are wrong, the shahada is wrong. Due to the Brahim is wrong, their recitation of the Quran is wrong. And this is lifelong.
Nobody makes the effort to correct them. That the how many of our hours therefore are also concerned that our children do not use actively dua as a tool to get their work done.
Everything is Once removed, right? Just a ritual has no meaning. If you ask somebody if you are in difficulties, okay, let's let's solve this problem that you are in what do you need to do? We will mention all kinds of material physical things that we need to do, but not one will say we make we start with making dua to Allah subhanaw taala to solve it, because without his solving, it will not get solved. How many times have you heard this? How many times have you seen dua as an active problem solving tool being used as an active problem solving tool. If we start using that, then the first thing that we will have to do is also to be careful about what we eat and about how we earn
because the DUA people who are eating and drinking doubtful stuff, which is more than likely haram. People at the door are people who are indulging and dealing in buying and selling haram in interest based dealings. That was not accepted.
So there's no sense in talking about DHA, when we are when our earning and our food is haram.
The benefit of talking about DHA, the benefit of using DHA as an active tool, in order to solve our problems is that it will automatically straighten up the rest of our lives.
To think about that, how many of us are concerned that we that our children do not use do actively as a problem solving tool. How many of our children are concerned that our children pray or read or
more or have to do burden to be discharged and not something that they look forward to and enjoy? How many of us are even concerned that we have children who are in their 20s and 30s. And who cannot recite to the Vatican or read today only to rockauto Salah
properly in the father or maglev Russia.
I go to the budget and I see people making a comma I see people calling other and especially a comma people who have been praying for you know 50 6070 years and regular people who pray practically all the the Salah in the masjid, there when they recite a cover they recite it wrong.
Now this is what does it tell you? It tells us that there is really no thought thought behind it. We just we just doing it.
So how many of us finally are concerned that we have children who when we die, we have no clue what to do with us. They do not know how to wash the body. They do not know how to press a lot of Gerasa and they do not know how to bury us
and their final service and that this final these vital services to their parents is going to be handed over to, you know, I don't want to be destroyed disrespectful, but to outsiders.
What a tragic story is that of our lack of focus on the spiritual development of our children.
So what should we do? The Spirit go grows and strengthens at the expense of the knifes of base desires. The stronger the knifes the weaker the spirit and vice versa. The stronger the enough's. The weaker the roof, the nerves grows stronger every time we feed it.
Like anything else. How does it grow, because we feed it until it grows so strong that it overcomes the row the spirit and leaves it weak and stopped. So teach them teach your children the value of denying the desires of the knifes
I have said this a million times I will say it another million times which is that there is only one way to teach. And that is by practicing.
There is no other way. There is only one way to teach and that is by practicing it ourselves.
That this is something that we need to get into our minds and be absolutely clear about.
If you don't do it, your children will not do it. No matter how much you want to tell them.
It's not a matter of giving lectures, it's a matter of doing it yourself and demonstrating it because children listen with their they listen with their eyes. They don't care what you say until they see what you do.
So teach them the value of denying the desires of the knifes
first these are food and toys.
Later, these are physical bodily pleasures and more expensive toys.
Truly therefore it's been said that the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
Because the mental level of someone who can act who can who collects dinky toys,
dinky toy cars at age five.
The mental level.
The level of emotional maturity is the same as somebody who collects Ferraris and Lamborghinis and you know, whatever. At age 50.
Boys are boys happy with new toys
getting petulant and unhappy. Once the newness of the toy wears off,
ever hungering for newer choice, buy the latest car buy the latest release. People carry this forward in their relationships, and they leave a trail of broken marriages behind them. They carry the same trend to their careers and hop company to company until they are too old to hop and have no and have collected no experience of value, except how to hop as if that has any value. Denying the nafs is called delaying gratification in psychology, and is a critical sign of success measured in little children.
delaying gratification is the essence of focusing on the akhirah where a person invests for a return that he will only see after he dies. And yet he invests because he has faith in the banker who promised him the return that no investment in the world can hope to equal.
And that is Allah subhanaw taala general. And this belief is called Yaqeen. So teaching children to delay gratification, to work for the long term is a very important part of their development in this world and in the ACARA and absolutely critical to success. Yet we pay no attention to it. And unthinkingly reinforce the opposite, which is instant gratification by throwing toys and vote and money and gadgets and sensations at children just to keep them quiet.
What actually happens is something we shut our eyes to. We teach them that the more they make a nuisance of themselves, the more toys they will get and thereby we script their shore failure in life.
I don't think we have to look too far to see examples of the results of a life lived for instant gratification.
Our consumers society is based on instant gratification, which is why we have malls and stores which are open 24/7
so that you don't even need to wait until more
wanting to satisfy your desire. This is what the this is what makes the world go around. But we don't see that this is the Deadspin of the Whirlpool, which sucks the unwary into it, we pull down to destruction.
Another script for failure is the one where we teach our children not to collaborate, and to compete, and not to collaborate and share with their siblings, but to compete and guard their possessions jealously at the cost of the happiness of a brother or sister.
I'm sure this sounds bad to you. But ask yourself what you do. When one child has a toy with the other one wants and there is trouble between them. Nine times out of 10 You You tell the other child, don't worry, I will get you another one.
I will get to your own. stop and ask yourself, what are you really teaching the children? When you do this?
You are teaching the child that it's okay to compete with your own brother and your own sister. It is okay to disregard your siblings feelings. And that material possessions are more important
than the ties of family and brotherhood and love. This is what you're teaching them.
I'm sure you might be shocked to see this interpretation of something that you considered harmless, even if you ever stop to consider anything. But reflect and see what your grandchildren are doing today and trace their behavior to its roots. And you will see that childhood trend Trump's excellent opportunities to teach critical life lessons which are wasted. And instead you sowed the seeds of the present discord.
I know families where brother doesn't talk to brother,
where the children or one brother are disrespectful to their uncle and aren't and their behavior is silently and tacitly approved off by their own parents. I know families where children have sued parents, not only siblings, siblings is very common, but I know families who have bad children have sued
parents over inheritance.
One for the one parent dies, the other one gets sued for inheritance. I know families where lawyers get fat on the fees from litigation galore, Brother against brother, sister and sister and so on. At the same time, I also know families where brothers and sisters have voluntarily given up their share where brothers have voluntarily given up their share of inheritance to the sister saying we have enough and we want reward from Allah subhanaw taala.
I know a family where the brothers and sisters collectively they agreed to build a masjid on the side of their parents home saying that they have enough and that the masjid will be a source of circles Algeria, Algeria, for the parents themselves. How fortunate are those parents and what a powerful message those children have given to their own children about the value of staying together and having concern for one another. The reason I mentioned this is so that we can see that such behavior is not restricted, not restricted to our sulfasalazine but can be and is practiced by those who truly follow the sun off. Because following someone is not simply to talk about what they did,
but to do what they did. Concern for spiritual development of your child is a sign of your own faith. Your own Yeah, again the akhira for only the one who has the arcane will prepare for it.
To quote the famous had his own officers or seller, about sadaqa jariya. Were out there on the radio. That was Surah Surah Salam said, when a man dies, his good deeds come his deeds come to an end except three, ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge and righteous offspring will pray for him.
All his other beads are over.
Committee God is heavies. Eva now, Lally said, the scholar said the meaning of these hobbies is that the deeds of the diseased one come to an end as soon as he or she dies. And the renewal of reward ceases for him or her except in three cases, because he or she is the cause of those two cases one, his or her offspring is counted among his or her earnings. The knowledge meaning if they make dua, all the good deeds come as
sadaqa jariya for the parents because the parents are the
instigators, they are the teachers, they are the children or the earning of the parents. Number two, the knowledge that he or she leaves behind through teaching, writing and so on, which is beneficial to people. And third is ongoing charity, which is Awqaf, which is worth of any kind, for the benefit of anyone. Be narration also for the details of what are the Golan related resources are Salam said that good deeds that will reach a believer after his death, our knowledge which he learned and then spread, a righteous
child who he leaves behind a copy of the Quran, that he leaves as a legacy or a mosque that he built, or a house that he built for wayfarers, which is like sigh of free accommodation for people who are traveling, a canal that he dug, or charity that he gave during his lifetime. When he was in good health. These deeds will reach him after his death.
And this is the major the biggest thing to remember and face is that our children are not going to be developed spiritually if we ourselves are lacking. You cannot light a lamp with a deadline. The one thing that is required to light another lamp is that your own lamp should be lighted.
Chillin vision with the eyes
and the imbibe through observation.
If you are addicted to junk food, and television, be prepared for a fat child who's more likely to grow up as a low achiever with heart disease. If you are addicted to the Quran, and the Hedgehog, then be prepared for a child will stay up in the night to serve you when you are old and sick. And you need attention. May Allah protect us from that. If you are addicted to shopping, and buying stuff you don't need to impress people who don't work do you don't like them be prepared for a child
who will measure his self worth by the label on his shirt, or the brand of his cell phone instead of by the excellence of his manners, or his purity of the other purity of his character. Remember that to live from sensation to sensation by indiscriminately gratifying every urge, as soon as it arises, is the definition of the life of animals.
animal lives like this, they get hungry, they eat anything, and so on and so on. What makes us human is not lack of body hair,
and walking on our on our hind legs, but the ability to reflect, to learn lessons and invest for results that we can't see today. That's why I tell people decide if you have children or kids. Kids are the young of God's children need upbringing and raising not merely food and shelter.
So decide who you are.
For that is what your children will grow up to be.
My brothers sisters, I remind myself renew. Let us focus on the spiritual development of our children, because that is their success in this world and the next, a child who is focused on pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala will automatically go to his parents and his siblings and his family. He will be respectful and compassionate he will be respectful to his elders and affection to the youngsters. His life will be orderly and governed by the fact that he has to present himself.
Before his lab five times a day, he will know the sweetness of connecting to Allah subhanaw taala. And so he will seek opportunities to do that, starting with the hedge of the time of maximum signal strength. He will know the value of investing in his era. And so we'll be generous and charitable, especially when it comes to projects that benefit Islam and Muslims. He will be a good neighbor and a productive and law abiding member of society and will be respected by all those he lives with. He will never fall into drug abuse or alcohol or tobacco addiction and all the other vices that are so common in our modern society.
to list them as a waste of time, he will be conscious of the Presence of Allah subhanho data in his life at all times. And so will be someone who's ashamed to commit sin and is quick to make Dawa about such people Ross Ross Anderson have informed us in the hadiza Kotze that Allah subhanaw taala said, on the authority of Anna's Vinod Malika Milan who said, I heard a sorrows say Allah subhanho wa Taala said also Nevada, so long as you call upon me and ask of me, I will forgive you for what you have done, and I will not mind also Nevada, where your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and where you then
To seek forgiveness of me, I will forgive you
Osawa were you to come to me with sins nearly as great as the Earth. And were you then to face me ascribing no partner to me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it as that. And this is in tell me the end, Mozilla developer had a child who is focused on pleasing Allah subhanaw taala and on his own spiritual development is someone who will love the Sunnah of Rasulullah salah, because he will understand that this is the outward manifestation of his own Eman in the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi salam, he will know that to claim to be a Muslim, and to deliberately go against the Sunnah is to give the light yourself and will result in embarrassment and suffering in
the grave, when the person will not be able to answer the question. What do you say about the man who was sent among you?
How can this person say he was the messenger of Allah and I believed in him, and I followed him when in fact, his life will show that he did not do either
a child was developed spiritually will be the one about whom Allah subhanaw taala said, again, this is a hottie from Wuhan motherland who said that the solar system says, Allah said Jalla Jalla Lu, whoever shows enmity to someone devoted to me, I shall be at war with him. My slave draws not nearer to me with anything more beloved to me than the fry the religious duties that I have enjoined upon him.
And my slave continues to draw near to me with voluntary works with the novel, so that I shall love him. When I love him I was hearing with which he hears his seeing with which he sees his hand with which he strikes and horse and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask something from me, I will surely give it to him, and worry to ask me for refuge for protection, I would surely grant it to him. I do not hesitate about anything, as much as I hesitate about seizing his soul, the seizing the soul of my faithful slave of my Wali, because he hates death, and I hate to hurt him.
Ask yourself, what is the value of the dua of Awali of Allah, especially for your forgiveness,
when you are lying in your grave, unable to help yourself in any way, if that dua has value, then realize that it has been given into your hands to create earlier Allah.
That is what raising a child means. Raising Alia ALLAH, do you want to do that? Or simply bring up the young of goats? Bring up kids? Which one do you want to do for yourself? We ask Allah subhanaw taala to give us the wisdom to understand the true value of what He has given us which is our children
and to benefit from this
and not to waste it. Or Salah Alana will carry while Ali he was able to get hold of me