Bringing up a Muslim Child – Session I (Part 2 of 2)

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Mirza Yawar Baig

Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig

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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. But we were talking about the issue of parents and we talked about the Hadees

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in Nevada, where he said al Islam or even was a

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very ban comma Baba photo Bala when he said Islam began as something strange and it will return to being something strange.

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So give glad tidings of Jannah to the strangers.

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And I was talking to you about the people who Musa lalala. Salah mentioned his hobbies, which were his Savonarola, here, let me

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remind myself when you that the Bashara is only for those who stand out. The hora

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Bashara is not for the sheep,

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who follow the whole worlds. The Russia is for those who stand out.

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You know, I this morning actually happened coincidentally, the Salah reminder also was on the map. And the thing I mentioned was that

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if I asked you today, what is the most common form of clothing that you find men wearing in India? What would you say?

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Yes,

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in a country, which has perhaps the richest tradition in

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national interest.

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I don't think there's any single country in the world which has as many different

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regional

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dresses as there are in India, almost every state has got some 5060. And maybe more if you take the tribal dresses, and so on and so forth.

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So why is it that

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everyone doesn't wear those things, and they were only banned in church,

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when we were looking at it is that that is a result of two things. One is it is a result of

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give or take a few years here and there roughly 200 years of British rule

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in which, in 200 years,

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find me one picture

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of a British white man wearing a duty.

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There's not one in 200 years, no white man ever What is it? And that is why every Indian War a bat.

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So people follow a standard. Because the people who

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espouse that standard, live by that standard,

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without compromise.

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And also the follow up standard, if intrinsically that standard is good. So the trouser and shirt also happens to be a very convenient form of dress. It's easy to put on. And it's easy to work in and so on and so forth. So therefore, it's something which is not complicated, not complex, and it's easy to use, therefore people use that.

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Because intrinsically, there's something good in it. And also because the people who espouse that standard never give it up.

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Never give it up

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than just giving you this as an example. And examples are not meant to be taken literally. So don't go back into history and tell me that Oh, once upon a time, there was a man who wore a bowtie when he that basically the exception proves the rule. So still my my argument will stand but the point I'm making is that if Muslims today our problem today is we have forgotten being very, we have become the sheep.

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But if we have something we believe that we have a system which is intrinsically good.

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Islam is good in itself.

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It's not good only for the Muslims. It's good for anyone who practices what Islam preaches. For example.

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Islam preaches personal hygiene.

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Islam preaches personal hygiene to the to the highest extent where you have to do a major washing odo is a fairly major washing washing your face and your hands and feet and everything. So you're doing this major washing five times a day.

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So Islam practice Islam,

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preaches personal hygiene. You do miswak you brush your teeth and I said if I wasn't afraid for the hardship on the home, I would say that you have to necessarily make miswak every time a guru

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but it's definitely prescribed not Farber. It's transcribed Islam prescribes percent. Now point is if a Hindu practices personal hygiene, is it beneficial for them or not? Yes, the systems of Islam are beneficial for anyone. Whether you are a Muslim or not doesn't matter. As far as the world is concerned. What matters of course, whether you're Muslim or not, it matters once you are dead when you go on the road that matters beyond everything else, but it

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In this world, so Islam practice, preaches personal hygiene. Islam preaches dignity.

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Islam preaches dignity, dignity and behavior, dignity in speech, we just read the Iron Man. And what is the Iron Man saying, do not behave arrogantly

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be moderate in your stance. Don't turn your face away from people in arrogance, be nice to people be courteous to people be kind to people.

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So these rules are good for everyone or everyone or not.

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Similarly, Islam preaches a financial system that does not burden the individual,

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a financial system in which the lender and the borrower both share in the risk.

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It is a good system for everybody or not.

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Today, the major cause of the financial collapse in the world is because of the opposite of this, where the lenders lose nothing, the borrowers carry all the risk.

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And of course, the way they practice that system is that when the whole system collapses, the lenders actually get a get a price for that. Thank you very much for destroying the world. So here's 400,000,000,700 7 trillion or whatever, right? Take it and go home. Thank you very much for collapsing the whole world.

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The beauty of Islam is that when we practice Islam,

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we stand out and we stand out in a very positive way.

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Do you remember standing out and standing out?

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standing out standing out, my wife read out for me something with someone said and they said that there is fame and there is fame? There is Madonna? And there is Helen Keller?

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Both are famous. The question is what are you famous for? But

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But 100? As far as Islam is concerned, we are looking at emulating and, and presenting a standard, which Alhamdulillah is a beautiful standard for anybody.

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The key thing is, as Muslims, are we presenting the standard or doctrine?

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That is the question.

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That is the question.

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question I want to ask you, the better many parents who come up from,

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you know, difficult circumstances and so on and so forth. And Angela, you struggle and you work very hard, and so forth, and you make some money? And

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have you ever said this? Have you ever sent a statement amounting to this? Or have you ever heard anybody saying, I will never allow my children to face the hardship that I have to face?

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Have you heard this statement? Yes or no.

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Whenever anyone tells me that statement and says I will never allow my children to face the hardship that I had to face whenever someone tells me that I tell them, don't say that. Instead of that say I will never allow my children to build resilience, I will never allow my children to build character, I will never allow my children to be strong, I will never allow my children to have the power to succeed. So I tell the accuracy this, because effectively that is what you are saying, when you're saying I will never allow my children to face the difficulty I faced. Were saying that I want to ensure that my children fail. I do not want my children to have the strength that I had.

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You get strength by working against resistance, yes.

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You get strength by working against resistance,

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lifting weights,

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not by lifting straws.

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And that is why if you want children with strong just wishing is not enough. You have to do something about it.

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And that's why we say

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to fly. Even Eagles need a push.

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And Eagle actually does that. I mean that's a picture of the Golden Eagle.

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Eagles actually do that they actually Chuck there. Once the wings are developed and they're strong enough, they actually push the chicks out of the nest.

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And that's how they learn to so

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do remember that overparenting exists

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and it is as bad if not worse than under parenting.

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obsessive mothering produces fat flabby frightened freaks that fit door function.

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And that is my original saying so do give me credit when you caught it.

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And that's why it's very important to teach the rules and let go.

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That's how they learn by making mistakes.

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Boundaries are very important. Boundaries are very important.

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I don't know how many of you have actually seen electric fences, around game parks, around wildlife sanctuaries, South Africa see them.

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And if you look at electric fence, effectively, it's a wire or a stick.

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But how come it keeps an elephant inside.

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Because there is current in that wire

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boundary that has no teeth

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is not a boundary, I

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am not inviting you to beat your kids regularly.

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But there is a point at which it is your parent will duty to lay down the law.

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It's also very important for you to give them enough freedom.

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Teach them the values and let them go.

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When I was about I think, what 13 or 14

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I used to spend all my summer and winter holidays in the jungles of Alabama.

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There's a friend of my father was a very dear friend of mine who had a farm there on the bank of the river cotton.

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So I would day my high school holidays began.

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And I would I was about 13 or 14 at that time.

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So we're talking about 1964.

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I would take a bus from Hyderabad to Nirmal and take another one another bus on Nirmal.

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And take a third bus from carnivores to MB. And then I would walk the last three or four kilometers through the bush to set poly which is a little down a little village. And then from set poly to the farm, which was another maybe a kilometer or so on the back of the car.

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A lot.

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And I would be gone for between sometimes three weeks, sometimes one month.

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And these were the days before

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cell phones.

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Almost that era it was before phones, talking about cell phones.

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So even to call my parents to say that I had arrived safely was such a long and complicated procedure we never did. We never bothered to do that.

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And if you actually wrote a letter and posted it, then I would probably be able to come back home i'd received my letter because it would take a month to get there.

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That's not that my parents didn't love me and they didn't care it was gone. We don't care is that I voted no.

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And my father's theory was at the age of 13 or 14 if you can't take care of himself to go 150 kilometer Hyderabad and what what good is that sir.

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And he did that because my we have a story in our family, my great grandfather.

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stories about him that my grandfather was 10 years old, nine or 10. And he was supposed to come from Colonel to Sega.

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And he was supposed to be on a particular train he didn't.

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And my great grandmother

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got very upset because my grandfather didn't come.

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And she was you know, obviously she was very worried and so on. So she went and told us what she said my grandfather said, you know what happened? Our son is not, he's never Mohamad. So he says, Mama, Mama is not here.

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So my great grandpa turns around to her. And he says that at this age, if he cannot board a train and come from karma carnold to Hyderabad on his own, then I'm not interested in us, unlike them.

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So that was the end of my grandmother's protests.

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And of course, he turned up he missed one train, he took another train and he came the fact that he did not die I am living proof. If he was dead, I wouldn't be

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my grandfather direct descendants.

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give them space, teach them the rules.

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Make them capable. Today, unfortunately, we have people if they because we live in a big house with a long driveway. You have your car parked at the driveway entrance, because your son is going to come off the bus and therefore he has to be escorted from the driveway to your door.

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And you expect this creature

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to grow up

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and take care of the world.

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Some world is gonna take care of

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so the key thing is

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have children is not the carrot and stick Have you seen that carrot and stick general characteristic cartoon.

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The carrot and stick is on what thing on the donkey.

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children and children are not donkeys. So reason with them, talk to them, educate them, bring them up.

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My father would give me books for as long as I can remember.

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I can't even recall how young I must have been. But he would give me a book. And he will give me all kinds of serious books that is not that, you know, thrillers or something, give me a book.

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And we'll talk about it.

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So I would read a book, and then he would do talk about his book. And what did you learn from this book? And what was the story? Right? If I if I told him, this was the story, he said that I know I read the book myself. What did you learn? What was your learning from this book?

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I'm asking, will you all have kids? How many of you have these conversations with your children?

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My father at a time would read three books

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simultaneously would have three plots in his mind, running three books.

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That's what I also do I until I read two three books at a time.

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The ability to hold two opposing ideas in your mind simultaneously is a sign of intelligence.

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The ability to hold two opposing values in your heart simultaneously is a sign of hypocrisy.

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There is also my saying number 64. Please give credit.

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As I say spoon feeding teachers are nothing but the shape of the spoon that is not my own. That's somebody else's.

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And corporal punishment, beating children beating children is the lousiest thing that you can ever do. You know, when an adult whether it's a parent or a child, or parent or a teacher, when an adult beats a child,

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that is a sign of such complete helplessness, and such shame that it is not funny.

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Because when you are beating a child, you are saying that down, nothing remains except the fact that I am bigger than you.

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I am a big dog, you are a small puppy. So I bite you That's it.

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Nothing else. I have no moral authority left. I have no moral nothing left. The only thing I have left now is physical force.

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And that is shameless that is completely and totally shameless.

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Never reduce yourself to that level.

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And there's absolutely no reason to beat you for anything whatsoever. If you bring them up properly, they will never ever be a reason why you should raise your hand against the jailer. We say this very proudly about

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never, never, never hit and has been balika. Delano. He says when he was this the servant on a visa lottery for 10 years. And he says in the end, he was a small boy when he when he was seven in a sense, he was in the house. He was not as a user servant or a slave. But you know he was there. He said for 10 years I served the Prophet sallallahu sallam. And he said not only did he not touch me, he said he did not even frown at me.

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So you might say, Well, you know what? This man was a he was must have been a remarkable person. He never did anything wrong. So let me tell you about him.

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One day, as soon as I saw him, gave him some money, and sent him to the market and said go buy something.

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Now this kid was maybe 2010 years old, 12 years old.

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So send him some give me some money and said goodbye.

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Now

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I took the money I went. He said on the way I met some friends of mine, they were playing so I got involved in the play. I forgot all about buying, buying whatever it was, then Amazon is waiting at home that this buyer is going to come back with, you know, whatever it was that he wanted, why he never turned up.

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So I got worried, even looking for him. When he went looking for him. He found him playing with those kids.

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So what did you do? Second, Anasazi waited for me to finish?

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Can you imagine? Then when he saw that I saw him I got frightened by cavies a geeky he called him he said, Look, don't worry. He said doesn't matter. You play where is the money, give me the money, I'll go and buy the things. So I searched all over myself. That money also got lost.

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He was playing it through it. So my god knows what he did. So the money also was gone.

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So they asked him that what did he do that? Told him okay, don't worry when your game is finished, come home.

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If you treat children properly to teach them values, you'll never have to touch them.

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I'll tell you another True story. And this is not about the Sierra, this is wrong. The story of life biography of Gandhi.

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His son writes his story he said in the days when they used to live in South Africa.

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And this was the days of apartheid where there was

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segregation. So you went to work in a place and then you had to go home to your town, which was the Indian town.

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And usually those towns were far away from wherever things were. And then the African, the black African tribes were even further away. So that was a different thing. But the Indian does have far away. So he said, My father used to work in a place which was about maybe 20 kilometers or something from where we lived.

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So he said, My job was to pick him up from his workplace every evening.

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So he said, I would drive the car and come there and pick him up from the workplace, and we would go home.

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He said, One day I was I decided to go see a movie. Now Gandhi was against

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movies and so on. Right? So he didn't like his children to watch films.

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So the man said, I went to see this movie. And in this movie is unknown to me. One of my father's friends saw me there.

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You know, all good people, when when they see someone there, what do they do first thing they do for the Father.

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So he called the Father.

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That is God isn't calling his father.

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So he called the father

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now than he did ever knew that his son was seen in the theater.

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So the man said, I went to the film, I watched the film, I got lost in the film. And I suddenly remained the film finished, I realized that I was more than one hour late.

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So he said, I rushed. And when I got there,

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my father asked me, he said, Why are you late? So I told him, the car broke down, so I had to take it to the mechanic.

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He said, my father then told me, but so and so called me and said that you were in the theater watching this film. Is that true?

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Well, I got caught. So is that yes, that is true.

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So now see, I'm teaching you how do you correct children?

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So he says, My father said to me, why were you afraid to tell me the truth?

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He said, I have always tried to teach you always to speak the truth.

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So why did you lie to me?

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Why were you afraid to tell me the truth? So he says, obviously, there is some deficiency in the way that I have brought you up. Somewhere, I have not been able to convince you that it is okay to speak the truth to me

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that you do not have to be afraid to tell me the truth and you don't have to tell a lie.

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It is my failure. He said, therefore, today, I will not come in the car with you. I will walk home and reflect on this.

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And the man said he walked home 20 kilometers. It was almost morning by the time he reached home. He shows what God destroyed. And he says I was driving behind him slowly in the car. Is he talking about the African bush is walking through the bush home

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and his son says I never ever told a lie after that for the whole of my life.

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He didn't tell us and you know,

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my video I fail to train you properly. So it's my video.

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So the key thing to understand is that parenting is not an armchair exercise.

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Parenting is not a remote control exercise. It's not like changing channels on the TV. Parenting is a contact sport, you have to get your hands dirty, you have to get your nose bloodied and so on and so forth in the process has to be done

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properly and a sign of love is to say no.

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Now we need to change the focus of upbringing

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from self centered what I want

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to concern what others need.

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And this is probably if somebody tells me today what is the single biggest problem with the upbringing of children. I will say this is one this is the problem

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the children have today somehow the way they are being brought up with is very wrong impression in their minds. And that impression is that I am the most important person in the world.

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And who's responsible for giving that impression? The parents

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parents are terrified of children.

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Literally frightened of children.

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And the one they are frightened of how big is it? Is it somebody who's six feet four inches tall and eight feet wide? No, no.

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It's two and a half feet tall.

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Afraid of children.

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child wants this child wants that they that we're

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not trying to, you know, give examples of my own life because I think I'm still sitting in front of you. So, you've asked me what that was and ramlila we have many people here who are my age so they will also confirm that this is how at least we overwrought Allah Allah knows best.

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In all my upbringing, I do not remember a single day, not even one day

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when my mother ever asked any of us what we would like to eat

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my mother Angela morasca, not even one day

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do you like to eat this do lightweight that you like this vegetable that way? What was cooked you ate? It you did not want to eat? You went hungry? Sorry.

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We never even thought about I don't like this don't nothing What was cocreate?

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Then we talked a lot.

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No one ever no one ever asked you is not even a question.

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Discipline is key concern for others. So teach them concern for others not concentrated today, we have brought we bring up this children who think that they are, you know, God's gift to mankind. I mean, they might be God's gift to you. Certainly not God's gift to mankind is a pain in the you know what?

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Most of them seriously, we have to, we must help them understand balanced life, you're not the most important creature in the world.

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Make sure that they have a sense of balance of who they're

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concerned for others. Very, very, very important. Many times you would have seen the site,

00:27:16--> 00:27:21

the child comes home. And there is a track of

00:27:22--> 00:27:35

you can follow the track of the child, you know which way it is that what? Because there is a school backdrop there. And there's one shoe here and the next shoe there. And there is something else and something else something else. And if you follow you can see, okay, the child went this way.

00:27:37--> 00:27:40

Yes, have you seen this, hopefully not in your own homes.

00:27:43--> 00:27:52

And what happens, either the mother will walk behind the child picking up things, or the servant will walk behind the child picking up things.

00:27:57--> 00:28:00

That does not occur to anybody to say to the child, excuse me, that is your back.

00:28:02--> 00:28:04

It doesn't walk on its own, take it to where it's supposed to go.

00:28:07--> 00:28:11

Put it there. You know why children don't learn that, because that's how they see their parents.

00:28:21--> 00:28:36

When we were growing up, if my father had guests, or if we had guests in the house, we had to leave whatever we were doing, irrespective of exams or no exams, and we also had to school Believe it or not.

00:28:39--> 00:28:40

And you also had exams.

00:28:46--> 00:28:47

We had to come

00:28:48--> 00:28:49

and greet the guests.

00:28:51--> 00:28:53

And we had to sit there

00:28:55--> 00:29:01

and listen to the conversation. And we had to bring whatever it was tea or whatever was being offered. We had to bring that and serve it.

00:29:03--> 00:29:15

And then if we had some exams or whatever, we had to make our excuses as permission and then we could go we didn't expect to sit there for four hours but there's no question of saying bah bah

00:29:18--> 00:29:18

bah.

00:29:22--> 00:29:26

That's how his duties the manners. That is why no manners.

00:29:27--> 00:29:29

That is why today No Man's

00:29:30--> 00:29:34

greeting people think salam wa Salatu was

00:29:36--> 00:29:42

Salam is a spread the Salam salam to people spread peace and harmony, spread goodness all around you.

00:29:45--> 00:29:56

These were these were Islamic things, is also very these are also very much our Indian cultural thing. No, I'm not saying it for that reason. Seriously, these are our in some things.

00:29:58--> 00:29:59

concern for people concern for others.

00:30:02--> 00:30:10

Somebody asked me, How do I one of our young young brothers and sisters, double marriage and out? Why, when How can I get married?

00:30:13--> 00:30:13

So one of my young

00:30:16--> 00:30:17

brothers and sons, and

00:30:18--> 00:30:21

he asked me, he said, Well, how do I pick?

00:30:23--> 00:30:24

A wife.

00:30:26--> 00:30:27

So I said, look at it, look at her mother.

00:30:29--> 00:30:29

Don't worry about her.

00:30:31--> 00:30:33

Anyone who's 16 looks good. Forget that.

00:30:35--> 00:30:35

Look at the mother.

00:30:38--> 00:30:43

Because the mother is what the face of the mother is what you will see in the morning at breakfast table.

00:30:46--> 00:30:48

Look at the manners in their house.

00:30:49--> 00:30:52

See how they treat their servants in the house.

00:30:55--> 00:31:01

You want to know if the girl is good, and Cindy applies for the boys. Same thing, see how they treat their seventh house.

00:31:02--> 00:31:22

Look at their o'clock in the in the house. When you if you go out as a I'm not saying I'm not now therefore, don't take this as I'm promoting dating or something I'm not what I'm saying when they go out for a meal or something like this, see how they behave with the waiter or with the in the in the restaurant? How do they deal with those people.

00:31:26--> 00:31:27

That is where it shows up.

00:31:28--> 00:31:32

Not in some arranged meetings where everybody's obviously on their best behavior.

00:31:36--> 00:31:40

So three critical areas that we must focus on

00:31:41--> 00:32:13

connection to Allah subhanaw taala. And that comes through practicing Islam completely, not selectively not doing what we feel like doing live out the rest, which we don't feel like doing. But practicing Islam completely. Second one is physical and mental fitness, which is discipline and resilience. Physical Fitness is very important. I'm not saying necessarily that you have to go to a gym and bump iron that you do that that's also good for you build some strength. But even if you don't do that, just sitting around in front of the television,

00:32:15--> 00:32:22

or whatever it is that you do. Not good enough. Physical Fitness, very important. discipline, very important.

00:32:25--> 00:32:27

What time you wake up in the morning is very important.

00:32:28--> 00:32:34

We should wake up at single digits and go to bed at double digits instead of that we wake up at double digits and go to bed at single digits.

00:32:36--> 00:32:37

Wake up at 10 and go to bed at two.

00:32:39--> 00:32:44

Instead of instead of waking up at waking up in the in the morning.

00:32:46--> 00:32:48

And then going to bed by 10 or 11

00:32:51--> 00:32:54

disciplines very important. And the third one is a drive to excel.

00:32:57--> 00:32:58

Drive to excel

00:33:01--> 00:33:06

an office all these three are measurable and must be measured.

00:33:09--> 00:33:10

All three are measurable and must be measured.

00:33:12--> 00:33:14

Ama just reminded me that my book

00:33:15--> 00:33:25

bringing up a Muslim child is on the hour big dot o r g website. It's a free PDF downloadable. So download it and read it.

00:33:30--> 00:33:32

Then I remind yourself

00:33:33--> 00:33:36

and myself to be a parent and not a friend.

00:33:37--> 00:33:48

This is the other memory of the modern age. So I'm a friend why bear with my children. I'm not saying don't be I'm not saying be their enemy. No, I'm saying Don't be a friend. I mean that

00:33:49--> 00:34:00

there is a difference and there must be a difference between a parent and a friend friendship means equating at a level where there is no difference between the two friends

00:34:01--> 00:34:14

here in the West, and also here, we just do the ritual is the same we just change the context. In the west for example, when a child comes of age, meaning when the child is 18 the father will pour his first drink and

00:34:17--> 00:34:19

so he enters life through sin.

00:34:23--> 00:34:31

Another sign of a rite of passage as it is called rites of passage. Another rite of passage is that I can now smoke in front of my father.

00:34:32--> 00:34:36

So until then, I couldn't smoke in front of and I can smoke because now we are equal We are friends.

00:34:39--> 00:34:47

And here the rite of passage of course we will Muslims will not hopefully pour a drink for their son but the rite of passage is that you now take him to Molokai to the racecourse.

00:34:49--> 00:34:56

Because we have made that hard on ourselves Allah subhanaw taala made gambling as haram as liquor but we made something hard on ourselves.

00:34:58--> 00:34:59

We pick and choose in our religion yeah

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

We practice what we feel like practicing and we junk the rest.

00:35:05--> 00:35:09

So very important for the parent to understand be worthy of respect.

00:35:13--> 00:35:20

I remember I was sitting in a gathering once, I was invited actually to speak, in a particular gathering in a large family.

00:35:21--> 00:35:31

And just before I was about to make my speech, one of the young, one of the young boys from the family, and that time, it must have been about 15 or so he comes and whispers in my ear.

00:35:33--> 00:35:37

And he was present, he tells me tell them not to swallow other people's property.

00:35:41--> 00:35:41

log is

00:35:47--> 00:35:51

not only what kind of respect Do you think that kid is going to have for the elders of that family.

00:35:52--> 00:35:56

And if you think that children don't see, don't fool yourself,

00:35:58--> 00:36:00

do not fool yourself.

00:36:01--> 00:36:05

Children see a great deal more than we think they see.

00:36:07--> 00:36:18

And they remember it and it gets imprinted on their minds. And children at very young ages. The one year old and a two year old will see things and remember things that you will be amazed.

00:36:21--> 00:36:23

So be worthy of respect.

00:36:24--> 00:36:33

be supportive and understanding. If a child comes and tells you the truth, that they actually committed something wrong, don't punish the child.

00:36:34--> 00:36:38

Because you punish the child then you are teaching them not to speak the truth to you.

00:36:40--> 00:36:43

You're not teaching them not to do the wrong but teaching them Don't tell me about it.

00:36:45--> 00:36:54

Don't do that if they're coming in confessing and confiding in you and this is a big issue where many times children will confide in others but they will not confide in the parent with the afraid of the parents.

00:36:57--> 00:37:02

So if the if you have reached a stage where your child actually converts, you know, Alhamdulillah all part you.

00:37:04--> 00:37:17

Hold your horses, don't punish them. Listen to them with understanding and not saying tell them yeah, that's a fantastic great thing you know, what you did is wrong. But what you admitted 100 Allah make tau y which is something which you are supposed to?

00:37:18--> 00:37:22

To correct with the with Where are you wrong to do that? Teach them

00:37:25--> 00:37:27

and be very clear about boundaries.

00:37:29--> 00:37:30

Don't mince any words.

00:37:32--> 00:37:41

And I still remember melasma give the gentlemen general fellows will Allah be ready. He's one of our friends in America where we used to live there

00:37:42--> 00:37:49

was an elderly gentleman, big white beard. And I remember in the masjid, he used to always pray next to me. So in the front stuff,

00:37:50--> 00:37:55

I would start behind him and he would stand to my right so that was almost like a

00:37:56--> 00:37:57

permanent place for him.

00:37:58--> 00:37:59

Now, this man,

00:38:00--> 00:38:13

his son had a gas station, very good business, big gas station, with a 711 you know, provision store and everything else, making a lot of money.

00:38:14--> 00:38:20

Now this gentleman came is he came to visit his son from Pakistan. Pakistan again was

00:38:23--> 00:38:46

one day, he was staying in the son's house a few days he stayed there and so on. One day the son was at work and they lived on a very nice house lovely house on the hilltop. And the gas station. They walked down the road and there was a guy and the gas station was there. So one day he decided to take a walk down to the gas stations when he walked down to the gas station when he went inside. What did you see in the gas station being sold?

00:38:47--> 00:38:49

He saw monographic

00:38:50--> 00:38:51

literature.

00:38:52--> 00:38:54

He saw beer

00:38:55--> 00:39:11

he's he saw sausages and stuff. Which is normal in almost every American gas station. You can you get alcohol and you get pornographic literature and you get all this stuff. You get it. And so also It was at this gas station.

00:39:14--> 00:39:14

You know what the man did?

00:39:16--> 00:39:17

He walked back home.

00:39:18--> 00:39:25

He packed his bags. He told his daughter in law and my son comes tell him I'm going to Santos bliss. I will not eat in a house anymore.

00:39:26--> 00:39:36

And I will not live in this house anymore. They got into a flat with the fathers walking out of the house. was on camera she called us and then came running said my god what happened? He said you are selling her

00:39:38--> 00:39:39

I will not eat this sorry.

00:39:41--> 00:39:59

centric restaurant he said you know this is not Pakistan. This is America. But you know this I am under some whatever deal with the gas company and I have to stock the ether. I'm not interested in your deals. I'm not interested in your laws. Haram is what Allah subhanaw taala has made Haram is haram

00:40:00--> 00:40:12

Your America cannot make it. What is GIS GIS what is not just it's not that I will not eat in your house until you go there and throw everything else into the garbage. If you don't do that I don't get to see

00:40:18--> 00:40:20

the sun also the you know,

00:40:21--> 00:40:27

good person. So he told his father is that you stay here I will go and throw it in the garbage you can come and see.

00:40:30--> 00:40:30

And he did that

00:40:32--> 00:40:34

Alhamdulillah Dale then lived in Egypt.

00:40:35--> 00:40:36

Immediately I see that

00:40:37--> 00:40:42

immediately after that besana LandCruiser they were going for Serato. Juma

00:40:44--> 00:40:47

and on the highway to Hartford.

00:40:49--> 00:40:59

They had a head on collision, the Land Rover, the Land Cruiser kind of spun around and toppled and all that and totally got totally smashed

00:41:00--> 00:41:06

there was this son was driving the father was sitting next to him behind at the in the backseat though two other people

00:41:07--> 00:41:12

nobody died no major injuries, the father broke a leg

00:41:13--> 00:41:18

and they said that when he lost consciousness for a couple of minutes and when he came to he was deciding either go see

00:41:20--> 00:41:35

so now because he broke a leg he was taken to hospital and when they were doing the test on him they found that his all his arteries are blocked he was like 99% on all the artists so they said forget the leg we have to operate on is that and and do bypass surgery on his otherwise he'll die with this thing.

00:41:36--> 00:41:44

So he managed to get a bypass operation in the US free of cost because it came out of this accident and he also got like fixed

00:41:47--> 00:42:07

they got all the insurance for the car and everything else. After that day, he came back to the budget we've read together and everything else. Then they moved away. And then eventually we heard that he passed away. May Allah give Jonathan feathers I'm talking about I'm saying this all to this point to say be clear about boundaries. Don't mince words don't have one standard for your family and another standard for the world.

00:42:09--> 00:42:13

If your family does something, it's okay. You will keep quiet in the world or something.

00:42:17--> 00:42:20

You got some new dinner some new family.

00:42:22--> 00:42:31

be absolutely rigid and clear about the boundaries of Allah subhanho wa Taala Do not try to please anyone other than Allah subhanaw taala

00:42:33--> 00:42:33

one rule

00:42:35--> 00:42:53

What are my niece's told me in America she said you know your uncle, what we like about you is we may not always agree with whatever you say, but you never mince any words you said you tell us you say it like it is you do not leave us in a doubt about the thing. Whether we do it or we don't do it as a matter we tried to do it but even if we don't we know what we should do.

00:42:55--> 00:42:57

That is a very important thing never never

00:42:58--> 00:43:00

mix up boundaries Allah subhanaw taala

00:43:03--> 00:43:12

and that's the reason I'm saying be a parent not a friend, because children have many friends, but they have only two parents. And that is a saying of my wife, she went quarter when you caught it quote number 35

00:43:18--> 00:43:23

invest in people not things because people appreciate in value

00:43:24--> 00:43:28

and the yield returns while all things depreciate.

00:43:31--> 00:43:34

You want to know the value of things are certain.

00:43:38--> 00:43:45

teach children that values is not equal to cost.

00:43:46--> 00:43:49

value is something and cost is something else.

00:43:51--> 00:43:53

Teach them to add value not cost.

00:43:55--> 00:43:59

Possession possessions, add costs, not value.

00:44:00--> 00:44:01

That's my number 65

00:44:05--> 00:44:08

and that what you receive will be in proportion to what you give

00:44:10--> 00:44:15

and no are interesting points. If you want to get something you have to give something

00:44:17--> 00:44:19

because only empty hands can hold.

00:44:24--> 00:44:25

Teach them the value of money.

00:44:27--> 00:44:28

Money is very important.

00:44:30--> 00:44:31

Very important.

00:44:33--> 00:44:37

teach children the value of money is then that money is difficult to earn

00:44:39--> 00:44:40

and easy to lose.

00:44:41--> 00:44:43

Don't give big allowances.

00:44:45--> 00:44:52

Let them earn it and do not let them earn by working in your house. We'll come to that Angela, there's another Western

00:44:54--> 00:44:59

customer negative customer that is coming over you seem to pick up all the bad ones. We never pick up the good ones. One of the

00:45:00--> 00:45:04

Things about a lot of Western upbringing is very rigid rules.

00:45:06--> 00:45:12

I've yet to see a Western mother walking behind her kid picking up things.

00:45:14--> 00:45:16

And never ever seen that never

00:45:20--> 00:45:27

show people teach your children that value of money, that money is not the word of the person.

00:45:31--> 00:45:36

I still remember, among the many memories of the people who brought me up.

00:45:37--> 00:45:38

I was

00:45:39--> 00:45:42

at the house of this person,

00:45:43--> 00:45:44

his aunt of mine.

00:45:45--> 00:45:49

And she had invited one of the great scholars of Hyderabad

00:45:52--> 00:45:59

scholar of linguistics is great scholar although and Farsi and later on he became my teacher.

00:46:00--> 00:46:02

And his name was Ryan, my boomerang.

00:46:03--> 00:46:06

And he was from the family of Raja Mara Kizomba.

00:46:07--> 00:46:11

And I still remember that as he was about to come,

00:46:12--> 00:46:15

she said to me, he will come in an auto rickshaw.

00:46:18--> 00:46:24

And when you look at him, he will not look like much. But remember the value of the person is not their clothes.

00:46:26--> 00:46:28

He is a great scholar, so respect the knowledge

00:46:32--> 00:46:43

and the gym, right? Darren, I used to talking about toughness, physical and mental toughness. I used to, I used to vote and vote to learn tuition.

00:46:44--> 00:46:57

So in my summer holidays, I used to go every day. Now those days, we used to live in a place called Santa Clara. And Dr. Moran used to live in Santa Monica, the other side of Germany.

00:46:59--> 00:47:02

And I used to cycle from Santa Monica to salamander every day

00:47:03--> 00:47:03

and back.

00:47:05--> 00:47:07

Right, the bus fare cost too much. So it was like

00:47:12--> 00:47:17

during that period once it was Ramadan in summer.

00:47:19--> 00:47:21

But my glasses continued

00:47:22--> 00:47:24

to cycle to salamander.

00:47:25--> 00:47:35

Do my auto glass and go home. Now I had practice. I was about 15 at that time was to give you an idea and my own and at that time was about 75

00:47:37--> 00:47:38

when I went there

00:47:40--> 00:47:45

and knocked on the door, and this is kayas Kindle family full Partha

00:47:47--> 00:47:54

I never saw any of the women of RAM above Darren's family in my life. Never. And I was a 15 year old boy.

00:47:56--> 00:48:10

So when I knocked on the door, even if it was a lady who they would not answer, they will not open the door. They will just say from inside. We are at Harry and I would wait. And he would come and he would open the door and he would make solemn frost

00:48:14--> 00:48:15

talking about tarbiyah

00:48:17--> 00:48:26

and we will go and sit in the class. It used to be a two hour lesson one hour. We would read the book whichever I was reading and they were a next hour what was this conversation?

00:48:27--> 00:48:31

And we talked about he told me all about the history of Hyderabad and so on and many things.

00:48:33--> 00:48:36

Between these two hours, there was a Kubrick

00:48:37--> 00:48:40

and two cups of tea and two biscuits would come

00:48:41--> 00:48:43

and we would both have tea.

00:48:44--> 00:48:45

Now Ramadan started.

00:48:47--> 00:48:48

So the first day I landed there

00:48:50--> 00:48:52

at the time of this tea break.

00:48:54--> 00:48:56

tells me he said the other day to maybe

00:48:58--> 00:49:02

this is a 75 year old man talking to a 15 year old kid. He said

00:49:04--> 00:49:06

he said if you permit me I will be back just now.

00:49:15--> 00:49:18

So I said yes, he left

00:49:19--> 00:49:22

went into the room next to mine door shut

00:49:24--> 00:49:25

and then he came back.

00:49:26--> 00:49:30

Second day, third day, fourth day, same thing, exact same ritual.

00:49:32--> 00:49:44

So obviously you know you're curious and for a 15 year old boy somebody is vanishing in the middle of it. So I went and picked what do I see? I see my own Aurangzeb having his tea in the room next door.

00:49:46--> 00:49:48

Why? Because I'm fasting

00:49:52--> 00:49:52

because I'm faster

00:49:55--> 00:49:56

in his own house

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

supposing he had the T in front of me

00:50:00--> 00:50:01

was not the one to object.

00:50:02--> 00:50:05

He could have asked my permission to have tea in front of me he would have done it nicely.

00:50:07--> 00:50:07

No.

00:50:08--> 00:50:14

He goes into another room to have his cup of tea. And then he comes back, no comment,

00:50:16--> 00:50:19

question of tarbiyah question of manners

00:50:23--> 00:50:49

and teach them that money is not yours to do with as you please, that we hoard the money in trust for others. We are accountable for it. We can use what we have for our own use. And that's the reason why a Seraph is in Islam is haram. Why Allah Allah subhanaw taala call them what in the mobile era? Can we Juana shatin Allah said the people who are who

00:50:51--> 00:51:07

are truly the brothers of shaitan it is haram to that extent. We will end today with this time for Russia and inshallah tomorrow we will meet at half past 10 and in will complete the session tomorrow. de la cama Locarno, Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.