Muhammad 43 – Prophets Marriages 2

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Jamal Badawi

Channel: Jamal Badawi

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Topics: Marriage

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Episode Transcript

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Assalamu alaykum

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Welcome to another episode of Islamic focus. I'm your host, Tamar Rashid. Today we have our 33rd program with Muhammad, last messenger of Allah. Our second program discussing the marriages of the prophets. I'm joined on the program as usual by Dr. Battery brothers your ball. Assalamu Aleikum, Ronnie, could I have you very quickly highlight the main points we touched on last week, when we began our discussion of the prophets, marriages shortly, we began first to discuss some of the critique raised by some of the writers, non Muslim writers, that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him in his later years had seven wives. And we indicated at the beginning that this kind of criticism

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reflects partiality, prejudice, and some problems even with a scholarship. And we said that this problem or issue should really be discussed in a more objective and analytical way, without any a priori assumptions or imaginations. And we started first to examine the topic of polygamy itself as a legitimate alternative, in some cases, whenever there's good reason for monogamy, and indicated that there is no reason scientifically or socially or anthropologically, to claim that monogamy is the only valid way of managed which is suitable for all generations, and oftentimes, all cultures and all places, and regardless of individual or collective circumstances or contingencies,

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indicating that this kind of claim which is common, that reflects sort of ethnocentrism, if not outright pride, rather than scholarship, or the scientific understanding of the various social and anthropological issues, facing some societies or the other, they're quite variations of that.

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Secondly, we indicated also that there is no contradiction at all between the polygamy or having several lives and the prophetic office, as this apply to Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and apply to many other prophets who also had multiple wives.

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In fact, polygamy in one sense for these prophets was connected even with that prophetic office, opposite to it, because it helped them to fulfill their duties as prophets and to establish a relationship with various tribes and clans to reduce the enmity in many people together. We indicated that the examination of the life of the Prophet Mohammed shows that he was the farthest person from one who was really just seeking pleasure, and that he lived up to the age of 25 as a bachelor in a life which was unblemished in terms of his modern character and sexual purity. And not one of his. I had, you know, ardent enemies ever dared to raise any question about his his character

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and his purity. And finally, we indicated that the circumstances of his marriage to Habiba his first wife is in itself a clear evidence about his moral integrity and a fair amount of self control, like to seize on the point that you made and perhaps ask you for some specifics of the Prophet's marriage to continue that

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sexual purity? Yes, first of all, it is obvious from the circumstances that we discussed earlier, that this marriage was not really based on romance or pursuit of pleasure on his part.

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Honey, Joe was already 14 years old when he married her, he was only 25.

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Considered, of course, the average age at that time at leisure obviously was not really in the prime

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of her life, even though she might have still been good looking woman.

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Secondly, Khadija was twice widowed before, and she had already three children from the previous marriages. And obviously, that would make her less attractive for anyone who was really seeking pleasure from marriage.

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Certainly, that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was a very good looking, useful, young person. He belonged to another family and he could have, despite of his limited finances, you could have easily got married to another woman, much younger, and much more beautiful than a teacher.

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Another fourth reason is that his marriage from Khadija could not really be interpreted or understood as seeking personal benefit because she was rich. Because his life we feared to find any indication that he had any greed or aspiration for for wealth. And as we'll see later on, her wealth was not spent on him personally. But most of them spent their wealth their time and energy on sacrifice for advancing the force rather than personal enjoyment. So that leaves us with an inevitable conclusion.

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And that is managed to Khadija actually reveals one novel aspect of his personality, and that he gives a lot more priority to the spirituality and character of Khadija, as a human being not as a sex object. This is one area. Another issue also where the marriage to her DJ relates to his sexual purity

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is that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him lived with Khadija alone, for 25 years, she was his wife, the only way for that period of time, which is the prime of his years and manhood from the age of 25, to 50. Now he could have met another woman, or more alongside with Khadija, younger and more beautiful. And as we indicated before, there was no aversion to polygamy in Arabia, it was quite common custom in his time, among his people, it was a norm that nobody objected to that they would have been no barrier for him to do that if he wanted just to have the joy of having younger women.

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In the case of the Prophet, the seventh century,

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we find evidence that some people even were very excessive in their polygamy, some were married to 10, in some cases, 20 wives. So there was no barrier, culturally or socially, for opting for polygamy, especially when Khadija became more advanced that age reached 50, or even 60 years old, or over 60. And it still stuck to her as his only way. Nor did he gets involved in any illicit relationship and just, you know, pretending like a lot of people that receive methadone, it's one way but if they're going behind the door and doing all kinds of things, his reputation simply was beyond reproach. One additional point of it also, that shows this correlation between his sexual

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purity and his the circumstances of his marriage

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is that there's a clear indication that this monogamous spirit of the life of the Prophet with Khadija was a life of deep and mutual love between both of them, something that is very far from a physical type of attraction or sexual desires.

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As we know, even in the early days in his life with Khadija when she was relatively young, let's say in the mid 40s.

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She bought for him six children.

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And obviously, we all know that pregnancy, childbirth, and the period also all recovery after that impose considerable restriction and limitation in terms of the physical husband wife relationship. And that wasn't the time when she was relatively younger.

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The profit also remained a devoutly loving husband, for his wife, Elisa, even after she was in her mid 60s, and she was his only wife. And even after her death, the question he has really To be fair, is this a profile of men? Who is controlled by physical desires or pursuit of pleasures?

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I think that's a great question answers itself, quite evident from the from the response.

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Like to get you to perhaps comment a little bit more on the other aspects of the Prophet's relationship with Khadija.

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What is he his relationship to begin with with Khadija

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25 years as wife? It was a relationship of love, concern, sharing and mutual support and both of them

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as we see later on when we examine his biography. Khadija was the first person to hold the Prophet went after he received the very first revelation and didn't know what is that and what, you know, kind of his historical view in the future, when we're so scared of what happened.

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Secondly, Khadija was the very first person to accept Islam and to follow the Prophet, the first among men and women, and that took place without the slightest hesitation on heartbreak,

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had also stood by the side of the prophet in the most difficult position, most difficult times the period of persecution, the period of boycott, and she did with him all kinds of difficulties and tribulations related to the very tough task of Prophet.

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The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him mentioned about Khadija that she is the best woman of her time in one generation. Actually, there are two narrations in that and Bukhari and Muslim two major sources of

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prophetic saying that the prophets one sign pointed to heavens and said the rest of the women is Mary Mary. That's the money, the money

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Jesus face from me, which means the best among women who died in the past is on paradise. The is Mary, Mary, the mother of Jesus. And then you pointed to the earth that's among the living the best of its women is Khadija. So among the living she was. So that's a sort of a great deal of praise for her.

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The wife of the prophet will talk later on about his marriage to her Asia,

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as a human being, has narrated both inquiry and Muslim, she said, I've never felt jealous from any of the other wives of the Prophet as I did, about Khadija she was very jealous of her visa, even though I didn't have her I wouldn't invest in household because her visa died, you know, before the Prophet meditation. And then she goes on,

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and says, whenever the Prophet that's after the death of halogen, whenever the Prophet you know, slaughtered an animal for food, like a sheep or something, he cut part of the meat, and he sent it to the friends who used to be friends of Khadija.

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One time I said, I had arguments with the prophet and, you know, I caused him to be angry, and I told him Khadija, that's, you know, always talk about Khadija.

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And the prophets immediately respond, responded to her, and said, God bestowed on me the love of harsh and that was after her death as an odd

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years after the death of Khadija, one time an old woman came to visit, Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. So he received the heart with a great deal of honor and hospitality. He took off his cloak and spread it on the ground so that you can sit on it, sign of hospitality. And I just said, I asked him who That woman is that odd woman. And the Prophet said she used to visit us in the days of Khadija. Look at this, you know, nobility, just because she used to visit Egypt when she was alive. He gave a hug on that honor, and

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other sources of prophetic saying,

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Ayesha was quoted as saying that whenever or just anytime before the Prophet goes out of the house, he remembers Khadija, and he gets lots of praises to her. And she said, One day I got a little bit jealous I was I was overtook by jealousy. And I said to the Prophet wasn't more than just an old woman, and that God replaced you a better one, or give you a better one in her place, maybe defend yourself or others.

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And the Prophet was angry and said, No,

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God did not replace a teacher with a better one. For she had tears in me when people disbelieved. She accepted me when people denied me. She confronted me with her once, when people withheld their support. And God gave me so harsh children, not through other women that's not through otherwise. This is definitely a sort of unparalleled love.

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Above the physical or sexual element, it is something which is really an affliction, that the profit definitely was far above the kind of profile that some of his critics try to paint in terms of his mouth. It's the opposite. Exactly. They

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like to return now to examine the second phase of the profits, monogamous period. And that is to with respect to the period between the time of Khadija death and the time when he

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married for the second time. Could you comment on that? One, there have been some difference of opinion or terms of narrations as to how long it took between the ages. And the second marriage of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

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Some point as as far as saying that might have been only days after the death of Khadija other said several months. But there was also a narration that was one or a bit more.

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Now, this, variations in the narration about that particular period could possibly be verified on the basis of two approaches. One would be the historical verification by trying to weigh the various narrations in terms of authenticity and distance,

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and so on. And this I'm not going to attend because that might, you know, become a very detailed kind of thing. But there's also a second legitimate way of weighing, in addition to authenticity of this stories or the three reports.

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By looking at it analytically, in view of the information available about the personality of the Prophet and his customary pattern of behavior.

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It would appear on the second this is that it is very, very unclear.

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It was very unlikely that the Prophet would have married immediately or a few days only after the death of Khadija there are at least four reasons I have in mind for this one is that we have seen from the previous analysis that he so dearly loved

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Khadija, and continued to remember how after his death, with this kind of deep love, and one would expect, of course, a big amount of grief that the Prophet must have gone through, when he must have he died. And in that state, that psychology of that period, he would not really be in this in a state of mind to start thinking about marriage. Secondly, that he lived with Khadija as indicated before for a quarter century 25 years as his only wife, this length of companionship with this very happy and blessed marriage, makes it very doubtful that you can quickly overcome that Lindsay relationship with her deja and rush for a second marriage. Thirdly, that historically, the prophet

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peace be upon him was known to have an amazing self control in terms of his desires, even when he was still a bachelor, and very young, not when he was already 50 or over.

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A first reason is that he was already over 50. And that makes the physical aspect of marriage, definitely less pressing than

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the case when a person is younger. From that analysis, I humbly conclude that it is very likely that he probably did not remain after the death of Khadija.

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until maybe the the elapse of several months, if not years, as one narration seems to indicate. But in any case, even if he met it shortly after the desert feature, I think there's additional evidence that it was not even a marriage of just physical attraction or sexual desires, really, because that actually was the least motivating force in the case of the Second Age, what to pick up on that point. And perhaps have you elaborate on it? Could you explain that a little bit as to why this the fiscal aspect was the least motivating reasons why he married his second wife, one for the second marriage? First of all, we find that the we have the most objective substantiation about that

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marriage. In terms of the identity of the woman that he made after

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that woman, even her name is not his cell death,

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or cell death, the daughter of someone. And this is the following information that we have historically about her. Some historians say that she was a widow.

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She was in one nation actually 55, about 55 years old.

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Some historians say that she was not beautiful. So there was no physical attraction. Actually, she wasn't she didn't have much beauty at all.

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Other references also indicated that she was rather heavy

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and sharp tempered, and that in some cases, even she was a source of problems, even a sort

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of difficulties in the household of the Prophet because of her sharp teeth. I think if we put these points together, it becomes offered clearly that

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compassion mustachioed really might have been the motivating force behind the marriage to heart but obviously, it's not really the sexual desire for that agent. That

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particular case, have you commented perhaps a little bit on the circumstances of this marriage to sada and why it was, in your view, an act of compassion more than any other to begin with, so that this lady was among the first who embraced Islam in Mecca in the persecution period.

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alongside with her husband, her husband, also was known as saccharin, and Sally who also embraced Islam. So both of them became Muslim. And also like many of the early Muslims, soda and her husband suffered a great deal

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of persecution because of the the rejection of the religion of their people and their families, you know, the idolatry and because of becoming Muslims.

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And as we see later on in future programs, there was one migration for those persecuted people who went from Makkah to Ethiopia, in order to have the freedom of the practice of their faith. And among those who migrated to Ethiopia, where Khadija and study with her and her husband,

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and actually when toda migrated with her husband, her Fanny was very, very angry. First of all, they were angry Of course because she returned to slam

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but they were also much more angry that she left even the family and went to the house.

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went away from from Makkah to practice her face. So that even made them more furious. And her family, then you have the champs was, well, you know, were quite strong people and have a strong plan.

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Now, the suffering of soda was multiplied when her husband died is in desperate when they were in Ethiopia,

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that lift soda in a very precarious position. Now she is a widow, she is rejected by her husband by by her family. Actually, according to some variations, they say that so that was about the same age of Khadija. So that probably she might have been given is probably close to the 60s even so that even

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dates or age mode, even then they age cited report that someone mentioned about 65, but was not that exact. So you might say right between 55 and 65. But even then, that's not a very attractive age ready for marriage if someone is looking for for pleasure.

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So the suffering here and the plight of Zelda was very, very obvious if she comes back, her family would not accept her probably they would not support her unless she had an egg on her face and reject this man, she might be subjected to torture, some relatives even more tortured by their own families because of or even killed because of their faith. It was under the circumstances that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him offered marriage to her which is obviously an act of compassion, not passion.

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If he wanted to give a good example, to Muslims, that they should come to the rescue and help those who are in stress.

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In a period, of course, we're being steadfast in face was very essential under persecution. There was no beauty and no young age, no width either that he can aspire to by getting married to soda, except for the advancement of faith.

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And, in fact, this very handsome dividend, because her family realized the nobility of the Prophet getting married to their

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daughter.

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In that very advanced age, they immediately realize the compassion and characters of the Prophet peace be upon him. And indeed, it resulted in many of her family, instead of being enemies of the Prophet, turning to Islam, and become part of the Muslim community in that which is a very good step to reconcile their hearts. I believe that the family of Zelda were definitely far more sensible

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and fair

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and honest, I should say that many of the orientalist and missionaries who wanted to distort the image of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. And to paint his picture as someone who was indulging in pleasures when they embraced Islam, they embraced Islam because they knew there was nothing really attractive about Souder for the prophet to get married to, except for this compassion.

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In fact, some of the historical differences indicate that even after the Prophet contracted that marriage, so that it moved to his household, until two years later, when he went to Medina, so that's two years, even after that marriage, she probably did not have any wife even at all in his household.

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So that's something that perhaps we must realize, in fact, so daddy meant his only wife, and only for three years, the only wife in his household might say, before

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the second way to the household of the prophet in a later time. But again, we're talking about the Prophet when he was in the mid 50s. Already.

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We've commented quite extensively on the first phase of the prophets life, the monogamous phase, like to move on now to the polygamous phase, I noticed that you've prepared a chart here to show where this fits into the Prophet's life. Could you perhaps share the details of that chart with us? Hopefully, the cruise believer can focus

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on one topic begin with

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this chart is actually to the scale.

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It started from the verse of the prophet to his death. So you have from zero to 63, the age of his death.

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And I said it's to the screen, we have about four millimeters roughly, for each years of his life. So that seemed to be proportionate reflection of the various phases of his marriages, or his life in general.

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You'll notice in the first portion is from the age of zero from the from birth to the age of 10. I chose that age of 10 as an approximate time when the Prophet probably be

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adolescent. And as we'll discuss later, for both males and females, in some countries, especially countries, it is not unusual for a boy at the age of 10, to be already an adolescent, he doesn't have to be a teenager. So sometimes they reach maturity a little earlier. So they're just an approximation.

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And then there are many parts between the age of 10 to 25.

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That was the period when the Prophet lived as as a

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bachelor with unblemished characters.

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We talked before about his chestatee, before Manny for the first time. And then you have in the second color code, the between the age of 25, to the age of 5025 years, quarter of a century, when he was married only to Khadija so that the major part of his life really was monogamous type of life.

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And then there is a little space which I left there in green, I believe, which is possibly the period of widowhood. Even though there have been different opinions. I estimated that around one years before he even contacted marriage to sell them. And then you notice on the screen, there are the next five years that I divided them in the middle. Because two of those four years, according to some narration, he had the contract of marriage with soda. But she did not move to his household. So that was before him moving to this house for about three years when she was the only house in his exact household. So practically speaking, really, it was almost from the age of zero to 65, which is

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either bachelor ship or practical, monogamous marriage. But even then, we noticed that after he got married to Ayesha, which took place actually, while he was married to Souder, Ayesha did not move to his house till three years subsequent to the marital contract. So that again,

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that's why I called it practically speaking, his life was monogamous until about the age of 56. Because there was a difference between

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getting married in one hand and the moving to the household, or even later on consummation. Check for help, I think in terms of helping people break down there to show you how insignificant

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indeed

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conclude today's program. We want to thank you all for watching and we'll catch you back next week and we'll continue our series

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in Islamic focus. Thank you for watching.