Masculinity, Marriage and Parenting

Ismail Kamdar

Date:

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

File Size: 66.57MB

Episode Notes

Dr Asif Munaf @drasifofficial

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:13--> 00:00:58

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of masculine and mastery. I'm your host Dr. Ross IV is the show where we talk about things that matter to men. And with me today, all the way from Durban in South Africa is shirtless Michael Campbell, who's a BA in Islamic Studies, who is the founder of Islamic self help, and author of more than a dozen books, including co authoring one with Chef Omar Solomon. He is based in South Africa but travels and has delivered lectures all over. He's got a best selling five star rated course called is a history of Islam on Gumroad, as well as a marriage masterclass. And he's mashallah from the same city, your singlehood. He tells me as Jack Ma da da da

00:00:58--> 00:01:01

him Allah. It's my use by Welcome to the show.

00:01:02--> 00:01:34

So I'm not gonna say thank you for having me. Welcome. Everybody got to and how have you been? How is how's the pulse Hola. I don't know if we impose COVID. Now, because I remember when I was working in the frontline, we had, we had a very from South Africa, it was packaged Fanta hydrograph sent to the west. And we called it Omicron. It was called a South African American for a lot of other things. Now with COVID, etc. In South Africa. I'm asleep. It's like it never happened. It's like, like a year ago, it just disappeared.

00:01:37--> 00:02:15

Like, we had to wear masks for like almost three years. And remember, it doesn't go into Istanbul. And I'm so happy to be in a place where I didn't need to wear a mask. And while I was in Istanbul, we got a news report as Africans will have to wear masks anymore. So I came back to South Africa. And it was like, it never happened. Like if you walk around talk to anyone. It's like it's just like something everyone's forgotten about, like no one talks about two or three years anymore. Yeah, nice rice semi. So last year, we went away and had to wear masks. And then a week later, Joe Biden made the announcement about people entering America, but South Africa was was on the red list. Because

00:02:15--> 00:02:31

this new revenue we got in the UK, apparently starting South Africa, etc, etc. But we've got these images in the media, South Africa being the worst affected country, in the Southern Hemisphere, etc. But nonetheless good to know that things are back to normal, relatively speaking. And I think COVID has brought about some

00:02:33--> 00:03:12

changes, which were missed accelerated changes, you know, these digital platforms people to speak. Now, usually, if you do a podcast or you do a lecture, you have to travel to university. I think hamdulillah Chroma has really accelerated things which are much needed, you know, before, like I said, travel now everything's becoming like a global village. Yeah, you're interesting about that is I've been working online since 2010. And I've been homeschooling my kids just as long. And for like, 10 years, I felt like an odd duck. Like, I'm the only person I know who works remotely and the only person I know homeschools, my kids. And then the pandemic started. And the whole world's asking me

00:03:12--> 00:03:17

for advice. Like, how do we work from home? How do we homeschool our kids and suddenly all of this is normal.

00:03:20--> 00:04:05

Really need for what the world is going to be? Yeah, absolutely. I think you've, you know, you're ahead of the curve. Give me hikma, your head of the camera centering system for 2020. I never spoke to a patient on the phone. Never. I never, never 100 consultation Subhanallah literally six weeks later, when caught with it. I was doing 90% of my consultations on the phone, like on video chat, even with the elderly. And it just changed overnight. And it was unfortunately to change the say sometimes days. Sometimes decades happen in days, or sometimes days happen in decades. So we were living in the UK where things were growing at a glacial pace. So Deniz were happening only in

00:04:05--> 00:04:09

decades, but then the quality numbers upon literally decades worth of change,

00:04:10--> 00:04:57

or digitization of particular health care happen happened within days. And for me as a doctor certainly has been a interesting journey. I want to speaking of journeys, smartly. I've been following agenda for hours. I remember I first came across you on your Keynes, or Ramadan series, whether it be 30 for 30 with Chef Omar Soleimani based in the States, and then I read an article of reading about you and your martial seem to be one of the first people we've got brother Faris Muhammad fire. It's also based, I believe in American who started the productive Muslim Company, but you alongside him. Were probably the pioneers in Islamic self development, personal development,

00:04:57--> 00:04:59

self help and internationally. You've got them

00:05:00--> 00:05:11

Well unique name Islamic self help. Something like this came about from Route read you see the need? Where was the pain point in the Ummah to bring about this initiative with books and courses and content?

00:05:12--> 00:05:13

Um, that's

00:05:14--> 00:05:27

a good question goes back to almost a actually goes back a whole decade now, right so I'm Bella, I actually started Islamic self help in 2014. So really going back a full decade

00:05:29--> 00:05:58

there's the personal side of it, and then there's the Ummah side of it. So the personal side of it. Back then I was working for Dr. Bill Phillips at the IOU as a teacher. And I got promoted to faculty manager, and I realized I did not have the skill set for management work. So I began to read books to build a skill set. And I read books, like the seven habits of highly effective People How to influence influence people, a lot of self help books, and I realize that

00:05:59--> 00:06:13

a lot of this content is good. But there are certain elements of it, but you need someone to explain it from an Islamic perspective. Right? A lot of it is it's this influence of individualism,

00:06:14--> 00:06:15

love of the dunya

00:06:16--> 00:06:31

a lot of a lot of things that contribute to the concept of other nests, it's things that you don't pick up if you read in the book on your own. So firstly, those books helped me they helped me become the person I am today that I found the self help book will be very beneficial.

00:06:32--> 00:07:05

But also, I, I realized that people started asking me, they start asking me for advice on building self confidence on time management, on public speaking fields or teaching skills. So I put together a platform honestly, it's it's Islam itself after the one man show, the whole websites, timing, for web design, to e commerce to marketing, everything's one man, right? I just put it together as a platform to write my blog post and sell my eBooks. hamdulillah it's grown into an online business that makes me good money.

00:07:07--> 00:07:51

Remember, way back when I was at university 2006, the Kindle first came out of medical school. And now actually, the last follow up productivity guy isn't is a former medic, the Abdol he's from the UK. He's a medic, went to university. So you know, as medics and as medical students, we were very, very big on self help, you know, you see you you're drinking the monster there and we were all using our medical knowledge to biohack you know, caffeine tablets and or even some people taking drips in their on. They were taking Modafinil, Ritalin, all this while a lot of these medications of medical students could get a better knowledge about psychology and getting knowledge about you know,

00:07:51--> 00:08:16

neurobiology. And then I started reading his books as well self help, you know, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey, and How to Win Friends Influence People etc. You write a lot to me even Napoleon Hills. Think rich grow rich and wealthy. These were 100 years over the last 70 years old actually thinks rich Grow Rich did reference before so someone did referencing about his his marital life, etc. It did reference him

00:08:17--> 00:08:50

in a good way. But I'm also there's also Michael Hart and Mike Michael hearts List of 100 most influential people, which again, are some of the number one. But all of these books when the Kindle first came out, self help books if you look at the top 100 They were all from a secular point of view about now. Now now, no reference to the afterlife, no reference to other no reference to the sphere, no reference to a philosopher and their son, they will only no less use in the Quran. Younger

00:08:51--> 00:09:06

people will run from that brother from the SCA from that. So Steven, they were reading let's see enough's enough. See that's on your camera. But I find in these books, it was also the same thing initially, enough's enough see me self made man and there was no illusion.

00:09:07--> 00:09:38

There was no reference to other or Allah subhanaw taala. Some of them later on started talking about the universe with the capital, you often wonder if he is around a lot, but they were very, you know, a religious secular, written by people who are Christian on paper, but there was no reference and when they did that, from a marketing point of view, but just like your smile, I felt a void in my life reading these books. I felt worse unless the channel telecommuters picture. Is that how you felt?

00:09:39--> 00:10:00

Yeah, that are the exact same feeling and the exact same journey. I did see some books were from a Christian perspective, some were from a Buddhist perspective, hadn't seen anything from an Islamic perspective. Right now we have a lot and Hamdulillah. Now, a lot of artists have come into this field and we do have a lot of good literature in this field. But back then in 2000, and

00:10:00--> 00:10:39

13 to 10 years ago, I don't know any Islamic books on this topic, right? So I wrote my first ones on time management and self confidence. I literally launched my blog with those two books getting the baraka, which is about time management and digital creation, which was about self confidence. And I built it around concepts taken from the Quran and Sunnah, but explained in modern terms, so for example, I speak about having a Allah centric mindset. Yes, right? Or an afterlife first mindset, right? So these are things that you don't find in the western books. I criticize some of the concepts, you find the the Western book. So for example, the idea that you are the captain of your

00:10:39--> 00:10:46

own ship, you write your own destiny, it's okay, you're the captain of your own ship, Allah still controls the ocean, to control the waves

00:10:48--> 00:11:07

that are outside your control some things that you're not going to get, not everyone's going to be a millionaire, not everyone's going to be a billionaire. Not everyone's going to live a long life. Right? There are things outside our control, and we have to accept that right? Otherwise, you are denying one of the pillars of fate, by the way. So I criticized some of these concepts.

00:11:08--> 00:11:49

I developed for example, self confidence, I developed this idea that our confidence in ourselves should not come from a place of ego. There's a couple things of trusting Allah, Ya, Allah has given me the capabilities to serve his Deen, Allah has given me the capabilities to do my my job. Well, this is from Allah, it's not from me. So it shouldn't have ego involved, it should come from a place of submission. So there was a lot of thought that went into criticizing the ideas, right, looking at each idea critically and thinking, is this in line with Islam or not? And then explain it accordingly. And that's where the whole concept of Islamic self help developed for you. And

00:11:49--> 00:12:02

absolutely, you're right, because it's, there's no Allah subhanho wa Taala is not at the center of the self help books. It is me, me, me in Eagle, and we get this whole thing our self made billionaire self made this self made that

00:12:04--> 00:12:37

the universe will listen to you. A lot of it is nonsense. Exactly. Univer I tweeted this a few days ago, or maybe yesterday, you know, there's an existential void in a lot of people. And that's why because when the fitter is just, you know, you're going against the federal, it, there's a misalignment of priorities. And Allah subhanho wa Taala is not at the center of that. Because once you cultivate gratitude, and I say, as a family Ruby, this is a photo from my Lord has has a we got a great story, which we will recite tomorrow and Surah Kahf.

00:12:39--> 00:12:39

With

00:12:44--> 00:12:45

so I forgot to

00:12:48--> 00:13:14

answer Fessler. Again, even Zukerman is telling a story. This is from Iraq. Allah has a vector for me. It's an EN miton kingdom, you know, he was traveling and he had a night and you know, he was alone. But he acknowledged from him. It can never be self made. And even when he had his, you know, you know, small parts of India, hey, it's not your house. It says from also from mozzarella, it's not from me, and we've gone away from this Hanalei, you know the Ellen

00:13:17--> 00:13:37

mentioned, actually, ultimately the opposite the story of the two men in the cave, yes, both my God and my wealth. And he's when you say mashallah, why don't you see like, like, what we love? Why don't just take all your success back to Allah. So the Sunnah mentioned both sides, the person who's thinking, me, me, me and the person who's attributing to Allah. It's both found in the same sort of

00:13:40--> 00:13:54

provenance in surah. And Dino we are instructed by our Salah Salem to recite this on Fridays to to mitigate the fitna of the journal and the journal. I guess emoluments arrival

00:13:55--> 00:14:41

will be living in a society where knifes rule supreme, the knifes rule supreme. So with the status of the two governments Me me me and the Gordon gets straight and it ends with the story of Heather and it says he's got too much power but he doesn't actually get any of that to himself. And he tries to be just and it shows us Subhanallah where we are now in terms of our enough Mee Mee Mee look at this and I'm better than you. And this is a very fertile ground for the job. very fertile ground. I'm like getting this now with the selfie culture. Mee Mee Mee it's only you know, is one of your However, I've been a doctor enough 11 years and I've seen 25 year olds die as if that's what it

00:14:41--> 00:14:59

takes. His three year olds have heart attacks and just Alaskan 33 year olds. You don't need a knee and you and life is longevity is from Allah subhanaw taala this is something we have had we can always make dua and you know, we always make the rabbit ultimately, ultimately, Allah subhanaw taala has got the whole picture. We've just got that

00:15:00--> 00:15:32

pixel of the puzzle. Allah subhanaw taala has got the whole picture. So it's highly emotional. You've been doing this for a decade. And you know, you talked about the problems in Western literature, when it comes to self help and, you know, just self development not having God in there. What problems are you finding? When you reach out to people, you go to conferences, or you do the coaching and the courses have given Gumroad? Once we finally get in the online itself, like wants to avoid that, because obviously, a slam is not the boat there. What is the void in the OMA?

00:15:34--> 00:15:52

So it depends on which segment you're talking to, right? Because what I found is people in different countries in different economic levels are facing different problems, right. So someone who is from a poor migrant family has a very different set of problems from someone with a spoiled rich kid.

00:15:53--> 00:16:02

someone living in a country where the government are tyrannical is different, they have different set of problems from someone living in a country with their more freedom.

00:16:03--> 00:16:30

But in terms of the people who contact me for help in this area, lately, the problems seem to revolve around a few things. Number one, the issue of masculinity. That's just like the number one question I get asked about recently, are not just for men, by the way, I have mothers calling me saying my son, my child is 27 years old, and still sit at home playing video games all day, when we talk to my child for good cause.

00:16:31--> 00:16:34

When I was 27, I had four kids and I was the

00:16:35--> 00:16:53

physician at work. So to hear someone talk about the 27 year old equality, my child, you can see where the problems stemming from right. But masculinity is number one. Number two is this is the one No one talks about, but I feel is probably most crucial. And underlining everything else is hyper individualism.

00:16:55--> 00:17:30

Nimi culture, people don't want to get married, they don't want to have children, they don't want any responsibility. They don't want responsibility towards their parents towards the neighborhood towards the Ummah, it's just about them, their desires, their goals, it is the worship of the South, and I don't see people talking about this enough, we have an entire generation who have just become all about themselves to such an extent that they won't even get married, because that's going to interfere with chasing my dreams. And my goals are this this is it's become really scaring the level of self worship that we've seen from this younger generation.

00:17:31--> 00:18:13

A third problem that I'm seeing with this generation is a lack of understanding of what marriage is and why we should get married. Right? So like, for the bulk of human history right ago, 10 years ago, people knew you grow up, you get married. Now I'm dealing with young people who tell me why what's what's the benefit? What's the purpose? Well, you know, what do I get out of marriage. And this This is this isn't really so much a self help problem as it is a problem with the culture we are living in. Because the culture we are living in has replaced manage with self pleasure, if you understand what I'm talking about, right? And people don't see the need of having someone else in

00:18:13--> 00:18:14

their life.

00:18:16--> 00:18:28

They literally don't see the benefit of Manipur anymore. People feel like a waste of time. And what's going to happen to the Okey doke, what's going to happen to the next generation? Are we even going to have a next generation?

00:18:30--> 00:19:11

Exactly, absolutely. The same. I read a tweet today saying a lot of these, you know, we chose Muslims to be environmentally friendly, etc. But we don't take things to the extreme you know, as in so there's a lot of climate protests were made yesterday. Now, this is a theme, no belief in God or even Yamanaka. But climate change is become that the minute we do believe in conservation, whether we believe in selling Toyota who really want being conservative with the water and you know, etc, etc. And not sitting on a tree so we know this, but we don't take this thing to the extreme. Anyway, extremism of any form is completely not in Islam. We are not on WhatsApp, you know, of the middle

00:19:11--> 00:19:15

path. Anyway, this extremism with the left wing etc.

00:19:16--> 00:19:55

of climate change, the saying don't have children is bad for the environment. So I think these people are gonna kill off humanity before their climate doesn't, you know, they may be getting ready for climate change, you know, with the whole invasions, etc. I think enough having children will tell us Africa would explain generations with us quicker than they don't greenhouse emissions and global warming and all these things. So Islam provides a beautiful solution to this which is Marie young, Allah subhanaw taala will provide for you this will preserve the social structure, you know, people won't be born out of wedlock. It will preserve sort of structure it will give a woman the

00:19:55--> 00:20:00

foundation to be provided for it will give the children a foundation that our Father in their life and

00:20:00--> 00:20:37

They say, society is made from the family, which then makes the village which makes them makes the city in a town and they you know, it makes the whole country that way. But it starts off with the unity of the family. The Sunday unit is the basic criss cross. If you look at, for example, the country or the Ummah, for example, among the global Ummah, as running jumper, you know, like a piece of cloth is that the fabric is the family. That's the things that crossover, the basic structure is a family and we're seeing that divorce rates is my 50%. I actually want a mom in the UK last week. So it's actually not 50% It's 60 to 70% in the Muslim community in the West. And I'm not sure that

00:20:37--> 00:21:08

in South Africa, I know it's a bit less, you guys hamdullah still hold on to some values, but in a west to reinforce generation now, my grandfather came my you know, like, third generation, my kids are fourth generation now. They were born in the UK. I was born in the UK, my parents came they were young when they came to the UK. So we're effectively third fourth generation now. Divorce rates is my law in the UK. So more than half and it used to be really exemplary in the community. Muslims don't get divorced. But now we've got a 50% divorce rate in

00:21:10--> 00:21:45

within Muslim families, and that's the ones that actually go and seek divorce in Islamic Sharia courts in the UK. There are so many unhappy marriages. And again, I was going to tweet this but I didn't want to make it too controversial, but medically speaking anyway, it's been the feminization of men in our like men's testosterone levels have been declining, estrogen levels have been increasing. And the opposite trend is with women, their test levels have been increasing, estrogen has been decreasing, fertility is declining. So panels are chemically, men are less likely like men. And

00:21:46--> 00:21:51

chemically, women are more like men and less like women. I was reading his one of the Halloween elite.

00:21:52--> 00:22:31

He, you know, for one of the walls he came, he covered the distance of, you know, hundreds of miles from from Africa, all the way to Hobart, which is near Bahrain, Bahrain, and they will travel this on foot on camel on horseback with 20 kilograms of armor. So men were strong men, but chemically now wages the less manly, this is causing the fertility rates to decline. Are you seeing a similar trend in South Africa? Because I used to live in Masuka for children, but was a genuine trend and simply found the numbers. So I would say I'm seeing this trend amongst the upper middle class and the wealthy on the right.

00:22:32--> 00:23:18

Actually, I feel like that this whole problem we have of feminine men and masculine woman, it's it's more prominent amongst the wealthier or the more upper middle class people, mainly because people in difficult situations have to man up. Yeah, you have to man up at a very young age. Like I myself, my father was murdered when I was eight years old. So I had to man up at a very young age, I'm the eldest to be the man of the house in the age of eight. So I grew up very fast. I mean, age of 20, I was married at the age of 21. I was a father, I grew up very fast. What I'm seeing is whenever someone comes to me with this problem of having a son is like when feminists are very, you know, out

00:23:18--> 00:23:31

of shape, very weak. They usually the kind of kids whose mothers mollycoddle them, you know, they never let them didn't let them get hurt. They didn't want anyone to hurt their feelings.

00:23:32--> 00:24:14

They never let them experience the world. They just kept him in this bubble. And boys do not become men without facing adversity. This is important that boys face adversity and doesn't mean everybody has to go through the issue of being robbed or going through murders or whatnot. You can stimulate adversity, you know, you can do like I took my kids off to the mountains and we climb a mountain. Just a few months ago, we were riding horses and it started pouring like, we had to ride the horses back to the to our camp while we were soaking wet, and it was like water flowing through us. And that's the kind of experiences that help my boys, you know, grow up my, my sons are 14 and 14, but

00:24:14--> 00:24:28

you're much more manly than many of the 25 year olds I meet because I let them have these experiences. I noticed when we were younger, a lot of these mothers wouldn't even want their sons to hear about the Battle of butter or the Battle of wood because violets

00:24:29--> 00:24:30

have a lot

00:24:31--> 00:24:44

of the Sierra like, what is this? And they'll say mothers are now complaining that their sons are prominent, or girlish or bring the baby herd. Of course they are you kept them in such a bubble. They never had a chance to grow up.

00:24:46--> 00:24:56

My life was the complete opposite by the age of 16. My mom will send me to the bank to do a banking purchase and take a walk to the grocery store and buy groceries right because I was the eldest. So

00:24:57--> 00:24:59

the problem really comes from life.

00:25:00--> 00:25:03

sight parenting and lifestyle. A lot of times

00:25:04--> 00:25:08

it's incorrect parenting mostly from the mothers

00:25:09--> 00:25:27

that job normally to toughen his sons up. And nowadays a lot of mothers don't let that play that role in their son's life. Right? They abusing the son not realizing the dad has to be tough on the son to make his son into a man. They never let us do that anymore. Right. And that's causing boys to not grow up

00:25:29--> 00:26:12

from the foods we eating, you know, I know the obesity amongst children. All of this is definitely going to have any paper right? If a kid's not eating meat, and eating all kinds of sugary things. He's going to be a doughnut, he's not going to be right. So problems is parenting problems. These two areas especially need to be fixed if you want to raise a generation more manly 100% 100%. And before sort of someone gave us the perfect Mercia for this archery. And you know, even on whether the alarm, you know, swimming and wrestling, etc. We've got we've got examples from the Sierra, and the scenes of Salah Salam, and the companies that followed him and what they did, and the kind of

00:26:12--> 00:26:33

food they ate as well as Mel otter precious, highly estrogen, which is causing men to become more feminine. Estrogen is a female hormone estrogen production, these are female hormones. Men are becoming less manly. Their testosterone is declining precipitously since the 80s. The same now 125 year old has the same

00:26:34--> 00:26:51

testosterone as a 75 year old, his grandfather two generations ago. So it's declining at an alarming rate firms lifestyle as well. And then also you're right, you know being mollycoddle. We're wrapping our boys up in, in cotton wool that look at you know,

00:26:52--> 00:27:32

the sahaba. And those are following them. And you know, for example, from Pakistan, I'm assuming you're from the subcontinent as well. I know there's a big community in South Africa, the person that bought Islam there, Mohammed bin Qasim, some say he was 17 Since he was 14. But regardless, he was injured regardless, instantly. So when I was 17, or 14, as a teenager, he brought his salaam to the shores of the South, also continental mom and dad had been car, he was a young man. So maybe it's a hobby, that's rather a young differential, sadly, because he will cost went to China, young men, you know, there were young men who, you know, from the age of seven, you got your children

00:27:32--> 00:28:10

under two boys. My eldest is five, I know. Nestea is his last year of childhood. By when he reaches seven, he will be accountable for Salah Hmm, so he's got that I told him, you've got a woman there. Yeah. And I think a child. Because you know, the man, the man is the shepherd of the family. And we must follow the natural wings and desires and ologies and isms, which I'll come on to in a second, because he mentioned a nice tweet yesterday, today, or a few days ago about marriage. But if you don't follow the Simpson ologies we follow the you know, DNA hack. The final Sharia brought forward for mankind come to her origins come to her alma did not result in us he was the best amount of work

00:28:10--> 00:28:32

for mankind. So we gotta define Sharia, which is a guideline, not just a mother for Saturdays and Sundays, whatever, Fridays, we've got a full economic system, and that's for machine light, you've kind of understood that better than a lot of people because you've filled up self help and personal development, whole with an Islamic lens. We know speaking there about him.

00:28:34--> 00:29:18

So yeah, I wanted to say the first point you made about mothers and wives, finding that a lot in the UK, because fathers are working mothers spend a lot of time with children, to say the role of the mother is to make the baby into the boy. But it is the role of the father to make the point into the moment. And we're seeing mothers are doing the boss steps, baby into boy boy into men, but these men will later become like, men because even a single he lost his father before he was born, the loss of the mother of five, but he was predominantly raised by Abu Dhabi by his uncle and his paternal uncles, you know, and this is ready to go as a youngster he went on expeditions to Syria, you know,

00:29:18--> 00:29:28

for free trade. He had that masculine in our surroundings and brotherhood is so important. This will be pre Jamaat, you know, brotherhood is so important and we seem to be

00:29:30--> 00:29:44

losing that. So with your permission horse riding, what other things do you do that what other kinds of to hiking you mentioned, what things do you do to cultivate that are Julep in your boys? So, there's a variety of things that we've been doing over the years.

00:29:46--> 00:29:52

Firstly, I make sure my kids live a healthy lifestyle, right? No obesity allowed in my house for good.

00:29:53--> 00:30:00

So they all need to work out. They need to eat healthy. They need to make sure they're in shape. That's very important.

00:30:00--> 00:30:33

Then another thing is that we have an environment where you learn to do things for yourself, and you can make mistakes. So from a very young age, my kids can stay home alone, they can cook, they can use a toolbox to fix anything in the house themselves. Right? I've taught him all these skills at a very young age, I told him first aid at a young age, like, if one of them gets cut or bruised, they don't even come to us, they go straight to the footpath, to patch it up themselves. Right. So you know, these these skills, again, people don't want the kids to even see blood. I mean, they want to be roughhousing, someone's gonna get hurt. That's part of being a young man. Okay, let them wrestle

00:30:33--> 00:30:51

each other. Let them you know, roast each other. You know, I mean, you know, there's a banter in my house between the boys, it's good because of the capability of dealing with bullies and trolls and things like that, you know, I have the kind of conversations with my kids just to, you know, to build in them that that mental toughness, because

00:30:53--> 00:31:04

because they don't have that in the home. Someone just calls them one name on Twitter, and they're crying for weeks. Like, come on. People want to call your name, who cares? Right? So this is important,

00:31:06--> 00:31:45

then also have the issue. Nothing I have in my boys is we have this concept of open conversation, you can talk to me about anything, right? Like literally my 15 year old asked me like, is it true that in Islam, men can sleep with their concubines? Like, yeah, it's true. So what's the problem? And we'll discuss it right? It's like, they can ask me about anything. I don't have topics that are off limits. Like they'll ask me about atheism, the last people know, Islamophobes, that did the online, anonymously debating non Muslims all the time. So they bring all the questions me to get stuck on your questions. I think it's important to have this open discussions and also actually talk

00:31:45--> 00:32:01

to my teenage boys about sexual health as well, right about the importance of getting married young, having high testosterone levels, that it's natural, and it's normal at the age, to have high testosterone levels and to feel these sexual desires. It's not something shameful. It's absolutely normal. It's a sign of good health.

00:32:02--> 00:32:08

Young boys don't know this. And they go to the feeling ashamed of just being a man, because no one's taught me these things.

00:32:10--> 00:32:13

To me, are just some of the stuff we do then, of course, we have outdoor activities.

00:32:15--> 00:32:25

It's not as much nowadays of the COVID as before, because a lot of things have closed down. But at least once a year, we go to the mountainside for a week. going hiking.

00:32:27--> 00:32:51

privileged to have just one week in nature away from from city life. Yeah. That's brilliant. But like I said, this is character building, you know, developing six game, developing resilience and developing that independence, self sufficiency, because we were really truly self sufficient, because almost monetizing, transposing, but having as much as you can do this a tiny little, you know,

00:32:53--> 00:33:23

I always tell my kids listen, it me and your mother had to die suddenly, can you take care of themselves? Or more extreme or tell them if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow? Can you provide? Yes, that's a great example of cultivating that independence. And, you know, I did a podcast with an American blogger who writes about this. And we talked about the pandemic of the man child, how many minutes 30s minute child you know Subhanallah

00:33:25--> 00:33:38

in Islam, you got a difference between a male and a man and man is Orajel mainly can be male by birth, but a man is older Jalan Allah subhanho wa Taala says are Raja Tama Munna and Anessa.

00:33:40--> 00:34:29

Vanessa and, and the most mentioned prophet in the Quran, if you discount this area, as long as Musa al Islam, and, and he was described by the one of the daughters said to their father, he is in play him because he is convenient. I mean, he is strong, and trustworthy, he has integrity, strong, physically strong. It's again, a sign of high testosterone. He is is a mean, again, a sign of good morals. As someone who's got integrity, we're seeing to receive the opposite of this now seeing weak men who cheat, cheat, lie and deceive and steal Subhanallah opposite of crummy on Amin, we've got the perfect example in the Quran. loveswans Allah doesn't even

00:34:31--> 00:35:00

you know, either small because he mentioned parables of the of the wings of the fly etcetera. Nothing in the Quran is there by accident. This is it. This is the word of Allah subhanho wa Taala every story and every parable and every recounting of human events, Allah's paradigm for a reason. And it when the women say this to their father about musalla, who they just met by the way, it's the reminder to all as men, we should import

00:35:00--> 00:35:42

Is this we should embody these two words are we gonna meet and how do we embody it? We've got the twin two decades of narrations from Russell Salah salaam, his life, about chivalry, about masculinity, and about bravery and courage. Yeah, so this concept of masculinity, you know that the sad thing is, historically, wisdom didn't need to talk about us, right? Muslim didn't need to talk about masculinity. It's something you learned from lived experience. You learn from your dad, you learned from your mentors, learning from society. But the past 50 years, humanity messed up. In many ways. Humanity messed up.

00:35:43--> 00:35:48

The Sexual Revolution, the Feminist Revolution, individualism,

00:35:49--> 00:36:34

all these things messed up a lot of things, they've had ripple effects on society. And all of them have had a negative impact on masculinity. Another thing that I'm very critical of which I don't hear enough people criticizing is this construct of being in school until the age of 18. Right, everyone considered a child to the age of 18. I believe this is absolute nonsense, like I homeschool my kids. But really one of my revolutionary ideas I want to work on later in life, is to replace the school system with a new system that's just from age seven to age 30. Why do you need to be in school for that many years? Why does a 15 1617 year old need to be treated like a child? Yes, yes,

00:36:34--> 00:37:13

exactly. Why can't you graduate by age 13 or 14, and then society teach you like an adult and you're forced to grow up? That's how it works with the bulk of humanity. And it worked. It worked wonders. But this new system, you know, there is there is for many people, there's no point in their life where they transition to adulthood. Right? It's like they just keep extending childhood. Like now your people think you're under 25. The underdeveloped? That's ridiculous, right? By 25, our, you know, either really accomplished a lot in life. It's not just me, many people in many people I know have accomplished a lot. Many young people today have accomplished a lot before the age of 25. Where

00:37:13--> 00:37:30

did this idea come from that your child until 18, or 20, or 25? It's a completely made up idea. It really is. physical maturity happens when you hit puberty. mental maturity happens when, you know, you realize you're an adult and you start behaving.

00:37:31--> 00:38:11

Now that can happen in puberty as well, if society is designed such they treat people as adults, when they hit puberty. Modern society does not do this. Yes, one thing or 100 on my mother, she raised us with this idea that when you hit puberty when you're an adult, and from puberty, she has treated me as an adult. And that's one of the reasons I grew up quickly. And I'm using the exact same approach for my children. Right, so So this is something that's working with my family. It's something society needs to go back to, we need to realize this new system of treating people as children, until 1820 25. It's not working and it's, it's causing people to waste the best years of

00:38:11--> 00:38:12

their life.

00:38:13--> 00:38:24

It's such a nice thing, the best years of their life. And now some women and some men only getting married at age 30 or 35. And realizing it's too late for them to have children. And then what do they do?

00:38:25--> 00:38:50

You can't press backwards, you can't go back in time, you can't undo the decision. Right? You call it reverse biology, Allah subhanaw taala has engineered us in the best of ways and you mentioned this as well in the best of creation 100 trillion sign that we know in the best of fashion. And now, you know, men are having kids a bit late so we can we've got a bit more leeway. Last one, Allah has allowed us this.

00:38:51--> 00:38:52

Exactly.

00:38:54--> 00:39:21

Yeah, you know, I picked up something recently on YouTube. And, you know, we get a lot of sisters approaching from married we've got a group for for, you know, a UK based marriage for professionals. And a lot of sisters are in their mid 20s. Like I know, in a medical system that doctors are just graduated. I'm not ready to get married yet. Subhanallah Sister, you're 25 you're 24

00:39:23--> 00:39:59

you know it, this is against the law. You're going against your very unclogged Allah subhanaw. Taala has bestowed upon you, you're going against so many metrics, and you know, I'm not ready and again, this hyper infantilization of men and women and you know what it benefits society to prolong education 10,000 pounds a year. I don't know how much that is in round, but someone like this is also worth money, you know, it benefits them to prolong education. It benefits them because it keeps the institutions running universities etc. You know

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

it benefits them to

00:40:04--> 00:40:45

infantilized people for a longer range because it allows us to be people of the *er, you know of reflection. And Becerra a single means deep insights. Be in a being having perspective and foresight. When you infantilized like you mentioned, children in education, treat them like, I have kids. And when I'm the teens, in their 20s, you delay the Age of Enlightenment for them, where they see the bigger picture of life. They see these isms and ologies, which are designed to make them weaker. But if you keep them in education longer, you've got the blinkers on there for a longer period of time. And this is a problem. I know lots of people are living in this in this cuckoo land

00:40:45--> 00:41:26

and actually thinking they are doing good, but in, you know, in the long term, that's really damaging. I mean, a lot of us would have cut off which, you know, were mentioned earlier, we will be Friday, Allah subhanaw taala says, rhetorical question. So I'll tell you who is it towards the end of surah? Tough? Shall I tell you? Who is the, you know, the one who's lost? He who thinks he's doing well, in his delivery, that is the router by his perception that he's doing well, and this is exactly in the West, we are deluded, we're working right? You know, it's not working. But we're studying we're doing well. But if you are going against what you were created for what must have to

00:41:26--> 00:41:32

change our insight into a creative man and to worship me one of the biggest acts of worship after the secretive family units.

00:41:33--> 00:42:11

Yeah, so one of the topics I've been focusing on a lot recently is the purpose of marriage in Islam. Right, because it's linked directly to democracy to Sharia the goals of Islamic law. Well, two of the goals of Islamic law is the preservation of lineage and the preservation of honor. And this is accomplished through getting married young. That's how you preserve your the nature and how you preserve your dignity. And a lot of people are saying, what's the benefits of marriage? Well, the benefits are long term, they're not they're not short term. Right? You get married young, you have kids, guess what, by the age of 4050, you have a huge family that loves you. Right? But you get

00:42:11--> 00:42:17

married late and you missed that age to have kids. You want to be alone when you are old. Yes.

00:42:18--> 00:42:57

turn back the clock and entered and to undo your actions and, and to try something different. Right. So really, it goes back to to the goals of the Sharia. What is Allah one for us? Allah wants us to have families. Right. The prophets licencia Nikka. Whom is the God is my son, whoever turns away from my sunnah is not of Me. So to say, I'm never getting married. I don't want to get married. Marriage is not for me. You're not sure who this hadith is talking about? Right? Yes, government shouldn't naughty, you're going against the Sunnah. The prophets also, I'm told people in the teenage years, we told them, oh, young men, whoever amongst you can do so get married, commanded

00:42:57--> 00:42:58

them to get married.

00:42:59--> 00:43:22

And marriage again, people have very westernized ideas of what is marriage, these think marriage is settling down. No, marriage is starting life. It's not settling down. It's exactly. It's how you start, like, the beginning, it can be booked a contract, it can literally just be a man, a guy and a girl live together, they sign the contract to make the relationship. As we move in together four or five years linear, you can do that.

00:43:24--> 00:43:57

Right. But again, we don't have this Islamic understanding of marriage, we have this Christian or secular understanding of marriage, which is settling down what is settling down, settling down, where people come up with Zina with as many people as they wanted, and now they're gonna settle on someone to spend whatever's left of their life. That's not an Islamic concept. We don't settle down, we start something together, and we grow it together over our lifetime. Yes, exactly. Settling down constantly is very westernized. It's very very westernized. And again, it's a it's an economic term, which has come about in the last 3040 years to keep the capitalist cogs moving. And it's

00:43:58--> 00:44:12

it's simple. It's actually easier to do nickel than it is to buy a house for instance, to buy houses, you've got to go for contracts and lighters. Nikka two witnesses are really a it's the job,

00:44:13--> 00:44:13

you know,

00:44:15--> 00:44:30

acceptance, then you don't even have to have an imam there by the way. Imams don't have to be there used to be to Muslim men have won the Father, uncle, and you can do it go within half an hour. And there's no age limit provided they are.

00:44:31--> 00:44:54

And there's no question that there's clear expectations. It's very simple. We have a family, right in my family. We do it. Like in my family. I'll give you one example. Or one young lady in my family when she was in the first year of university. She told her father she likes a guy. The next week he brought the guy to the house spoke to him, called the Mallanna home perform the new kind of house. And four years later, they moved in together.

00:44:56--> 00:44:59

And they have three kids together now and they've been married for 15 years. So Scott

00:45:00--> 00:45:16

Um, that is Parker and also Salah Salem told us about this, you know, and we know now, the harder you make Nica, the easier sinner becomes and Zina people think is a small sin. Is the murderers gonna come second it is a human thing. So you longer sin is your guess

00:45:19--> 00:45:20

those are the three.

00:45:21--> 00:46:02

Yeah, exactly. It's a huge sin. We've because only because we're living amongst South Africa, the cricket sometimes and I've got to turn my head away. The women in the crops have some less. It's South Africa. It's particularly in South Africa from all the countries in the world. I suppose I rise, you know, Malachy federal, D. It's a hot country and you know, the frickin day. It doesn't make it Hello, or even if everyone was doing it to stop, make it halal. And this is the wonderful thing about Islam, because that's Sahaba data being interpreted and given examples taken to China and to go all the way to Europe, as well as the fetal residence hall. So something died. I don't

00:46:02--> 00:46:49

know Muslim countries, nations, they didn't enjoy doing what they did. They still kept the halal halal and haram haram. It is not an excuse for us. We normalized it now to say when you get submerged in the water, you become like a duck. But we must, we must never sink we must even if that the sins are coming to our ears, where we live, we must not listen because Allah subhanaw taala Sharia is for eternity does not for just the one generation it is for eternity. I mean, you're speaking in waves by we've got a group where we like I said, we introduce a young brothers and sisters with especially University, right, you know, we go to universities and say, Look, we speak

00:46:49--> 00:47:13

to the Father sometimes and that they're often being being an impediment to the nickel process. And we're like, Uncle G, your daughter's going to Watson's going to if you don't say yes to the MCCA, which you're facilitating that they're going to they're going to do Xena, Xena, would that be on your head as well because you you know structure the path of Nikka. This

00:47:14--> 00:47:44

is a Hadith where the prophet Islamism said, Any young man who hits puberty, and his parents stopped him from getting down in the Father will bear the brunt of the burden of SeaNanners. Well, because he was an obstacle to this and getting married. That same applies to your daughter, if you are obstacle between them and harangue you share in the center of the hierarchy. Absolutely, absolutely. And it's become so normalized. No wonder, we're trying to weed out we're trying to educate brothers, I was like I was 24

00:47:45--> 00:48:20

when I got married 24 and set seven, eight months outside of medical school straightaway, almost, that having a first childhood like 29. And to this day, I think I know one doctor in 11 years who's done it before me every single doctors that give silly or stupid writing a 35 because in their head, marriage is settling down and like you said, marriage is not in Islam. It's not marriages is your complete, it will get you to the next level, a woman will bring your own risk. And even if you are poor, and you know, Allah will provide for you, you still gotta strive to camo but do not

00:48:22--> 00:48:38

postpone marriage for wealth. Because you never know a risk could come it could be unlocked during marriage. And we've seen especially in the desert communities, that man's got to get back house and he's got to spend so many 1000s of pounds, decentralise. This is an obstacle and this is not from Islam. Islam is beautiful.

00:48:39--> 00:49:18

Some costume is porous to hobbies, married, you know, sort of July be the repose a hobby who got married to this Dinakar a simple Islam is another concept here that absolutely now in the younger generation, it's only Islamic. And this idea that marriage is only for the wealthy. Right? The Sahaba even the poorest of Sahaba got married. I know, in South Africa, I know many people who are not doing well financially but they are happily married. They struggling together for the sake of Allah, they still love each other and care for each other. Right? It's not just rich people. There's some people feel like we have to be at a certain financial level to get married. But that's never

00:49:18--> 00:49:54

been what Islam taught. And it's as you said, you know, Allah will enrich you. Allah will take care of people, it is the test that they're going to go through life with poverty, that is Allah says for that person. That means they never get married. No, they marry someone who's from the similar background to them, and they face the test of life together. Right? It does make it easier to have someone to go through the trials of life together with right but I've also seen this in my own life because I got married at the age of 20. And I became a father age of 21. This forced me to work harder in my 20s by the outside, because you have in your mind, I am now why am I now responsible

00:49:54--> 00:49:59

for these people? I cannot afford to miss the boat. I cannot afford to miss rent. I have to build up my wealth.

00:50:00--> 00:50:05

I have to build up myself financially, it forces you to grow up,

00:50:06--> 00:50:15

man, because you now have the possibility of other people on your mind. But if you are living alone in your 30s, you know, what's the motivation to do well in life?

00:50:17--> 00:50:18

Exactly.

00:50:20--> 00:50:25

We don't spend money on much things, right? The only thing we spend money on these are life insurance. That's really where our money

00:50:27--> 00:51:04

should be happy. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I just wanted to level up in a good way of handling this really, it's, it's incentivizes you to level up, because you're a man or a woman, you are not the shepherd of this family, you steer them in the right way, you must teach them then you are responsible for that, that appear. And you will get you will be answerable for them on your gamma. So firstly, to level up, but if you are 30, living with their mother still And subhanAllah being a burden on her, you have no incentive to level up because she's the house is paid off as your parents house is paid off. Whatever, you have no money, you're not going to be answerable to, you have no

00:51:04--> 00:51:26

one who is dependent on you. You know, when you have children and a wife, you are forced to financially improve, physically improve mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually improved, because you've got people now who are dependent on you? Yeah, like one of the cases I'm dealing with is like a 31 year old who has no work ethic at all, like, he can't hold on a job.

00:51:27--> 00:51:31

And I was trying to figure out why. And I realized his whole life he never needed to work.

00:51:32--> 00:51:44

Like even if he gets a job and he quits after two weeks, his parents spoiling they take care of everything. So what incentive there for him to ever become a hard working man, if he always has his parents to fall back on.

00:51:45--> 00:51:54

Right? They're gonna realize sometimes that we enemies when we, when we treat our our adult children like this instead of forcing them to man up.

00:51:57--> 00:52:07

You actually doing them a disservice. You're doing them a disservice. You're not allowing them to grow with you offering their potential inadvertently with love. I just say,

00:52:09--> 00:52:52

you know, you are killing them with kindness. Subhan Allah, you are killing them with kindness because you're killing them. And something you tweeted about all the day. It got it got a lot of traction on Twitter. It says you said the process of marriage that was the title of the tweet. And we live in a time in which marriage is slowly becoming a pale shadow of what it once was. And this is in part due to Hedden ism. And this is so true. Hedden ism, like the pursuit of pleasure. And last one analysis and according to the nameless meaning in English, have you not seen the one who takes his hyena in his Chihuahua is how I know his desires as his Allah, as his God, as his, you

00:52:52--> 00:53:22

know, as his conquest in life. Are we seeing this in the West desire, desire to fame, desires for money, desires for women? SubhanAllah. And this you're right, this is we see if the guy you know, alcoholism, destroying marriage, gambling, destroying marriage, ruminating, destroying marriage. So Hannah, so many of these desires, which was one of our talks about, and now, you mentioned in a tweet, or destroying marriage, What trends are you seeing with your counseling or your coaching that you're doing? What kind of things are destroying marriage?

00:53:24--> 00:54:05

So marriage is being destroyed by one of three things, desires or wrong ideas, right? Desires would be, for example, people committing adultery, pornography addiction, you know, materialism was just wanting more and more dunya being really really greedy for the dunya thinking you can do better, right and thinking that there is a man or woman out there for you instead of making sugar for Allah has provided you with this is all designed here. That's what this is all. Another type of desire that we don't talk about is desire that you know what if I'm not married to this man or woman, I can do whatever I want. There's no one calling me out for coveting sense. So a lot of people get

00:54:05--> 00:54:20

divorced, or they can commit nonsense, right? Like I know if some sister's husband used to make him wear hijab, and they wanted to walk around wealthy jobs. So they got a divorce and now they got pictures of themselves on Instagram and no job at all. So in this case, is completely desires that

00:54:21--> 00:54:39

right, the desire to to show what beauty to do to the world, which is still and that's the desire side. The other side are the causes of divorce is one ideas. Like, what's the role of a man or a woman in a marriage, right? People have very strange ideas about today.

00:54:41--> 00:55:00

I remember when I was teaching a youth program a few months ago, one of the high school girls told me that she wants to work and she wants her husband to be a house husband stays home, he takes care of the kids. And like why is the 15 year old girl thinking like this? Like it's such a bizarre, unnatural thought process right? Like why

00:55:00--> 00:55:06

With a woman who wants to marry a man who is going to be staying home while she works, how do we get this flipped upside down as a community.

00:55:07--> 00:55:22

But these are wrong ideas that the younger generation are being fed. Right. And this affects how the automatic job example. A lot of young girls are not taught about men, they don't understand male sexual desire. You don't understand masculinity. You don't understand

00:55:23--> 00:55:35

how men talk, right? Or how men think. And as soon as they get married, they offended by everything that husband thinks or says or does, because they have no understanding of men. Right? And we can say the cool thing with some men and woman

00:55:36--> 00:56:04

getting a woman. And so when they get married, they're shocked. But I'm thinking more with the sisters that, for example, a lot of young ladies are not taught that men, especially men have high testosterone levels, they need a lot of intimacy. Right? They need a lot to this. Well, young ladies are not taught that. And then this is like the most common question young lady is comfortable counting like, My husband wants to talk to you wants too much. They watch too much, three or four times a week. That's not normal.

00:56:05--> 00:56:07

Because normal is exactly

00:56:09--> 00:56:29

teaching them right. So they think that this is bizarre and this husband only but not realizing, you know, we really have to have premarital courses when people these things, what are men like? Desires? What are they need? What a woman like what desires what they need, you go into marriage with with knowledge of what you're getting into? We are not preparing young the youngest.

00:56:31--> 00:56:40

So they go in with very bizarre ideas, complete lack of understanding of the opposite gender, and this causes this causes the bad news to fall apart within one year.

00:56:42--> 00:57:30

Then Absolutely. Our Imam at the masjid says Subhanallah some people are getting married. Bedwetting, we are not immune, going back and separate planes after a week. Because they spent a month maybe years preparing a reading, but not the marriage. And we pass but I'm speaking particularly to the sisters here. We prepare them with feminism and career ism. We prepare them to become doctors and architects and engineers. But that's a secondary duty. The first duty is to be the own will not mean that dream or the actual the the mothers of the Ummah, of the believers. And I'm not writing us wise, but I've been shuffling around. I mean, as varje number is already out, and

00:57:30--> 00:57:51

I couldn't return in what you're talking Mm hmm. You know, close allies. So we're preparing them to be doctors and lawyers and dentists, whatnot. And then they're not, they're not ready in the 20s, mid 20s. And then, when they do get married, they have no like you said conception of what a man wants. Allah Subhana Allah says in surah, Malian the man that the boy is not like the girl. No,

00:57:52--> 00:58:35

they're not alike. And we see from psychology I speak. I speak a lot about this in my on my podcast, the psychology of a man is different. And this is this is not the difficult one Allah, this is our fitrah we have higher levels of testosterone, therefore our executive functioning is different. We have lower levels of oxytocin, lower levels of progesterone, and lower levels of estrogen. So the chemicals are based our brain are different. We have a higher sex drive, we have more aggression, women are going into marriage seeking all men are like that, that I've met now, particularly the previous generation have been in escalated. So the only conception of a husband they have is from

00:58:35--> 00:59:14

their father, who was dominated by their mother. So when they marry a high testosterone man, he ends up in divorce after a few months, so maybe a year or so because they're not used to what the high test man wants. They're not used to his frame. They're not used to him leading because they because they saw their mother leaving the marriage. So and they're not be prepared. They're going into marriage, who willfully ignorant of Subhanallah This is a recipe for disaster. One of the things I've been teaching their community, I keep repeating this phrase, we are preparing our children to be good students have good careers. We're not preparing them to be husbands or wives or mothers or

00:59:14--> 00:59:25

fathers. And this is a disaster. Yes, absolute disaster. We've seen it with the younger generation that they have no idea how to interact with the opposite gender. Right. And

00:59:26--> 00:59:31

again, you mentioned the example of where a woman grew up in a family where the men

00:59:32--> 00:59:59

you know, with the Father where he escalated, but I've seen even in families where it's not the case. So because somebody is Africa, we still have a lot of men limit, right? We still have this culture where the men archiwum and so what they have multiple wives and you know, the leaders in the home, have the culture studio in South Africa. But still with the younger generation, despite growing up in a home like that, because of school. Because of the media what is seen on Netflix. What

01:00:00--> 01:00:22

You see on YouTube, what is even tick tock, this girl growing up with these wrong ideas about men, right? So it's like they ignore the example of the hole, and they want to be like, like, you want to be like the lady to see on TV. And I don't know if you've noticed this, but in the past 10 years, the portrayal of men and women in TV has really changed. Right? Right.

01:00:23--> 01:00:28

Like 10 years ago, when the supply chain Super Girl as stronger than Superman,

01:00:29--> 01:00:38

right? And if you notice, this actually is approaching people girl at Providence, Superman. And the way she talks to him is very condescending, you know?

01:00:39--> 01:00:40

Yes, chomping.

01:00:42--> 01:01:02

And now he's seeing the rolling of light. So now Spider Man, the new Spider Man is an idiot, right? He's a skinny little kid, his girlfriend's taller than him more intelligent than him. There's a lot of hidden escalation taking place in these ideas. They, you know, like, the woman are no longer damsel in distress, they need to be saved. They know the ones doing the saving. Now,

01:01:03--> 01:01:16

this what's their conception of a marriage or relationship between a man and woman look like? It take the role models on TV, or literally, these manly woman? We have like, no.

01:01:18--> 01:01:19

Yeah, no, hold on.

01:01:21--> 01:01:43

I got this theory. This theory, which of us broke into a few brothers about it'd be great to get your opinion on this, as someone who's learned and martial law in our historically call a form of the Islamic requalified. So somebody told us, he fought wonders about their job. And you mentioned sort of guff on Fridays,

01:01:44--> 01:02:04

the jobs button up, we hope not to be alive during that time, we hope not to be alive. But there's no doubt things are heading that direction. They have been since his birth was the beginning of the end of times, his book was the beginning of the end of times, because he's the last prophet now. Um, so we are approaching the end of times.

01:02:05--> 01:02:06

So

01:02:08--> 01:02:25

told us that majority of his followers will be female, but actually a man when he hears about the general who will try to force his is mothers and wives and sisters, to be in the house always to that effect, because they will route your comeback and follow him.

01:02:27--> 01:03:05

During the time of sorts of asylum, this might not might not have made a difference because generally KANG MIN Reno, or Virgil, Corona and Aneesa, this wasn't groundbreaking, you know, we're just about to reveal right? Now Nagasaki, even the jungles of the cooperation at times, they still have the terms of patriarchy, you know, in essence, still, the man is at the top. So this hardiness, it might not have been of that importance to the sahaba. Because they certainly know even if the job from the majority of his followers will be willing to still make difference, because we will still look along, you know, we can still reason with them. As they look into the journal he is, he's not

01:03:05--> 01:03:50

the real Messiah. But now a smile. circles have turned 3040 years, more women at university now know it, especially in the West 60% I think medical school is much more well, in medical school, only engineering remains and engineering and maths and physics remained female dominated. So male dominated the majority of degrees now are much more female. So more women are getting degrees, equal women in the workforce, positions of power. And more importantly, feminism, which you mentioned about today, no tweets, feminism, this seems to be the dominant ideology of today's society. So remember, John rose from the accursed one. He will obviously being in a society where feminism

01:03:50--> 01:04:34

because feminism is suddenly reversed by the way, we're gonna stop rave, thriftway, 10th, wave, continuous wave, whenever you think crumbs, they will still most likely be a feminist society because I don't think we're going to go backwards to you know, a patriarchy or it's going to be a matriarchy. So when he calls it will be fan centric society. And this idea then makes more sense, because the majority of his followers will be female. And the majority of the power will be female hands verbally, things are growing. Therefore, the sentiment will be pronounced the fitna will be very, very pronounced majority of the statesman, the the people that move the leader, the majority

01:04:34--> 01:04:44

of power within that house will be with the females. So when they start following him, the whole dynamic changes compared to what it would have been very sort of Saddam's time to some accents.

01:04:45--> 01:04:48

I don't really think I agree 100%, right.

01:04:50--> 01:04:59

Firstly, when it comes to free, which to my mind, I understand what you're seeing, but I don't think I agree 100% Right, for two points, two points. Point number one any

01:05:00--> 01:05:36

Heidi's about something that's going to happen in the future. We can never say for sure that the way we connecting the dots is what how it's going to be. Right? It could be something completely different from what we think. Right? It could be that this feminism thing ends and 1000 years later, that job pops up in a completely different world, a completely different society. A completely different set of reasons, right? Or it could be one. But again, this is speculation about the future. I don't like to write. That's point number one. Point number two. I don't I know a lot of Muslims have this idea that we living in the End Times, and The jollies coming soon, is coming soon.

01:05:36--> 01:06:15

I actually don't agree with this mindset. Right? My perspective is that we don't know when the world's gonna end. Yeah, put me in 100 years time, in 1000 years time, we could be living in a blip of time of of history. And it could be within the next 50 years, humanity realizes feminism was a mistake. And we go back to the natural way of living. It's perfectly possible, right? If you fill up what happens, that's going to happen, right? Using a philosopher, it's going to be matriarchy, no, it's a man. Right? So the things will flip around. And then this will just be a footnote in the history books. That's for like 50 or 60 years in human history. There was this feminism thing,

01:06:15--> 01:06:36

right? Yes. So exactly. 100% I feel it's possible what you think is possible, but it's also possible that that's completely unrelated. That's awful. Yeah, exactly. Because you have to view history from contextually so even this, it is it just it's just a Iran. So for me,

01:06:38--> 01:06:46

I have a theory of history that this ummah goes through phases, right? We had for about 600 years, the Arab

01:06:47--> 01:07:05

elapid you may have in the Bassets. Then we had like 100 year period of devastation, the Mongols the Crusaders, no Khalifa. Then we had a 600 year period of the Turkish collapse of the ultimates. So now we're going through 100 year period of devastation and an awfully quick Khalifa.

01:07:07--> 01:07:18

Now he does he loves to do pop up for another 600 years from a different nation. If he's really, absolutely, I mentioned 100 years, it'll be exactly 100 years next year.

01:07:19--> 01:07:26

Only 24 100 is exactly an empire and pops up in our lifetime. And yet we are in a different phase of

01:07:28--> 01:07:40

absolutely, maybe this feminism was just a temporary fitna. It was a temporary fit and I've just done a mongrels that will fit in up there with the Kimpton McDonald's and just you know, as you know,

01:07:42--> 01:08:06

to be more to the Mattila, right, the mortality light came about the phenomenon of fitna there was the whole Inquisition, but now they don't exist anymore. They just something you read about in history books. Yes, exactly. Philosophy and ideology. They're going up the minds of many Muslims were about 100 years and then he disappeared. Feminism might go to the same cycle.

01:08:08--> 01:08:14

Yeah, exactly. You know, the white age, etc. We've seen people come and going.

01:08:16--> 01:08:57

This is this is the Sunnah Allah subhanaw. Taala is having a forum. You know, Empire is coming and following. Yeah, it's an important many times it's travel received, that any of those that came before you can only come you know, before you again, because we are living in in the in this society, in this current status quo, when Never before has there been with you. We mustn't forget the story of Solomon and Islam in the Quran, where it's actually the head of the states of Shiva was a female, although she had Malcolm in the so it's happened before where it is a soil as a footnote in history, these things are tell us is one that Allah says these are tales of the ancients. Right?

01:08:57--> 01:09:18

They will also be telling you the issues as well, you know, I have mentioned this on my Twitter yesterday or the day before so many great minds are buried beneath us. We have found this hyper individualism, like you mentioned at the beginning revealers really our history, we actually just stay a small, you know, if you look at look at history, human history says otherwise, we are just a millisecond and that

01:09:20--> 01:09:47

what we're going through right now, is so unsustainable in the long term, that it's going to die out. This is not sustainable. Yeah, not getting married. Having children. People are adult adapting alternative sexualities. None of that is sustainable for humanity of a civilization is going to pop eventually, right? It's going to implode. So I don't see this as a permanent fitna. I see this as a face that will pass.

01:09:48--> 01:10:00

Yeah, exactly. The real person the beautiful thing about Islam is it gives you perspective, we know how things will end with the with the Salish lamb with the Halawa, when except for Islam gives a beautiful

01:10:00--> 01:10:12

Throw in a perspective on life events and then and we just have to maintain firm on our deen. And it's a great way to end this because you know, it's not about history in the coming year it's a passage the Mongols, the

01:10:13--> 01:11:03

1924, the Ottoman Empire, etc. How can people find your clothes online and just give a quick 22nd summary and then the podcast? How can people find it? Or what's it about? Okay, so if you go to my website, Islamic self help.com, you'll find the course links there. My two most popular courses is history of Islam, which has over 105 star reviews at the moment over 2000 students, and my latest one on foundations of a strong marriage. I will be launching one soon on parenting. The Marriage Course is pretty much a summary of everything you need to know before getting married. It's 20 modules covering everything from what is analysis, the importance of getting married young, the

01:11:03--> 01:11:49

needs of men, the needs of women, communication, overcoming conflicts, you know, polygamy Misia, all of that is covered. And the history course which is my most popular course, is the printout chronologically the history of Islam from the time of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam until modern times until the formation of Israel covered in 30 videos 30 videos covering 1400 years of history. The reason I put this course together is I will not find anything in the English language that cover this as comprehensively right specifically, like the ultimate period, I spent eight hours on the Ottoman Empire. So my next big task is converting that into a book which will take about two years

01:11:49--> 01:12:04

inshallah. Hopefully they can publish a book on that topic. But right now if people want to learn about the history of Islam or proper authentic values according to Quran and Sunnah, head over to Islamic self help.com And you'll find the links to both courses over there.

01:12:06--> 01:12:24

Just brilliant. I'll put the link in the bio. It's mainly just for your time so really, really insightful. I could speak to you for hours if you ever in the UK please do come visit me in Sheffield. And, you know, just not the last half of your time. I'm thank you so much. Thanks for being a pleasure I Salaam Alaikum