The Walimah & Early Married Life

Ibrahim Nuhu


Channel: Ibrahim Nuhu

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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah who Allah Allah, he was so happy here to mine. A MOBA Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh workato. Welcome back to the next session of our series, the A to Zed of Serbia. When we left off, we were discussing the Nikka contract the conditions and the pillars associated with it. We discussed the stipulations that can be placed in an echo contract. Now that the Nicca is completed, let's move on to the walima check this out Allah hi for being back with us for the last class.

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Shake what happens now that we've done the Nikka what is the best time to have the Holy

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cave Smilla Rahmanir Rahim salatu salam ala Rasulillah al Amin and Abby, you know, have you been a Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salim, I'm about So alhamdulillah after we reach this moment, the marriage already happened. So now they are husband and wife.

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Not a future wife or future husband anymore. So now is their time to meet each other. We call it the whole, their husband to meet the wife, and also the wife to meet the husband. So for sure, there's several, several things to be to be done. Which, number one, before we get into the walima is the issue of looking for the baraka from Allah subhanahu to Allah to bless the marriage. So the husband and the wife, they meet each other first, and the first thing they should do, they pray to Allah subhanaw taala and asking him to bless the marriage, the husband should pray, and the wife should follow the husband in that prayer. So he's the mom, she's the mom. And

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after that, then the husband should put his hand on the head of the wife and mentioned the DUA

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suggested by the prophets, Allah Islam He recommended that husband before doing anything, he should ask ALLAH SubhanA Horta, Allah to bless him with the content of this dua, in this wife of his issue placed his hand on the head of the wife and say alarmingly as Alka Hira, O'Hara manageable.

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Well, we becoming Sharia, which are the Gibraltar honey. So you should ask Allah subhanaw taala to grant him, whatever good this woman has.

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Whether it is natural or acquired, is asking Allah smart Allah to bless him with all of these, that if there is anything which is evil, is unwanted, whether it is natural, or something that she learned, and she adopted, he's asking Allah subhanaw taala, to protect him and their life from this evil. And this has to be said, and the person should be also very careful. And the wife should know what exactly he's going to be doing. Because if she's not aware of this, and she knows Arabic language, she might fight him back if he is asking ALLAH Sparta to protect him from her evil attitude, she might tell them on my evil or what you know, but this is a sunnah of the Prophet

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sallallahu Sallam everyone is like that every human being tested these two sides, the side of benefit and good and the side of evil, you know, subhanAllah and you have Corinne from both angels and the jinns and the shayateen, who is motivating a person to go in the wrong way and the angel is always asking a person to do the right thing. So, you have these two things, you know, contained in you everyone is like that. So it is necessary. It is no logic, but it is necessary for the success of the marriage to be what do you call started with this dua asking Allah subhanaw taala to get involved and protect them from any possible evil that can affect a marriage. So after this, then I

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have a suggestion for both of them

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before the because usually being patient is not easy. Check before we go forward. Just a question with regards to the DUA itself. A lot of the times it gets asked that the DUA does it need to be set in Arabic itself? Or can the person say it in their own mother tongue is better to say it in Arabic but if a person doesn't know how to say that Arabic but he knows how to say it in his language, it's okay for them to go for that inshallah. Even in their language. Yeah. What I was going to propose is to have a short conversation. And

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a husband should shows strong no

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usually the one who was losing control is the husband.

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Good idea. So that's the reason why you should maximize his patience, you know,

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the wife is now with us already get the wife. So he does whatever he wants. But this moment is very special. And the wife cannot forget, he might forget this moment, but she will never forget this moment, the first time they met each other, this one remains with her. So that's why any injury that is causing that, that time remains, life cannot forget this. And as the reason why you find some scholars will tell the husband, to be patient, if the wife is not ready for, you know, having a relationship at that time, give her respite. Because if he's to force her to do it at that time, it might keep a negative, you know, what he thought about him, which will remain with her, and also

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keep on disturbing her, which will affects the good relationship that they might be having in the future. So what I was suggesting is to sit down after the prayer and the DUA, to talk to each other about reality, that this is the first time they met. This is when the managers do is done in the correct way. Because nowadays, you know, they've already met each other hundreds of times, which is wrong. But whatever the case may be the first meeting which is legal, they should sit down and talk about this reality that this is the first time we're meeting as a husband and wife. And as such, there has to be principle and a plan on how do we want to live, of course, according to the Sharia

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of Allah subhanho wa taala. So he should inform us about who he is, and what is he likes, what he doesn't want those main things, not every single things that he has to tell her what isn't one that otherwise, marriage is going to be very tough and difficult if he's going to restrict her from so many things. But he should focus on the most important things, what does he want? And what he doesn't want? The foundation?

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What do you mean by boundaries, and I mean, things that you need to have are rules that cannot be broken, or how you expect family to be run, things like that. All of those ones. Yeah, I'm a person that I don't like,

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too many people to visit my house, I have a person that I don't like this, and that usually affects my mood, it affects my life. And also, on top of all, I love to see the law of Allah's martela been practicing my family. And I'm going to be a different person when I see the Sharia of Allah smarter being violated in my house intentionally. So I know both of us

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upon this nature, so let's agree to serve a lot smarter in this marriage of ours to make sure that Allah's mantra is involved in our affairs, throughout our marital life,

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issues of this, I like this added like this, and she also should be given a chance to talk about what she wants, what she doesn't want. They base their life on this. One of the scholars, I guess, a Shah, he said, he married and he had this conversation with his wife after the DUA. He said, Subhan Allah, and she was the one who advised him for this. He wasn't thinking of this. He was just like anybody else right after then call us at our Catala and just move. So she was the one who told him. She said, I don't know you, you don't know me. But let's have some conversation about what exactly we want in this militia. You know, very simple talk, not the lecture one hour, two hours, no, this

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one is wrong. Here is simple, you know, a few minutes is more than enough, you know, I guess, five to 1010 minutes, you know, it's enough for each and every one of them to say whatever they want to say, because there isn't what I want it to be at that time. Usually the wife doesn't forget this, this moment and whatever conversation they had the they had, she will not forget this. Yeah, after this, then it's up to them. And as I said, the husband should do anything possible to make the wife interested in what he is planning to, to do having relationship with. With her. He has to send a Rasul as the Prophet said, Allah Azza wa said, he shouldn't just go and start doing his business

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imposing his desire on her, although he does have a right to do that, but this is not good for their marriage. So send Rasul in a messenger first to end it's impossible and there is no restriction and this is fine books mentioned in this mention that we are not going to touch any one of these ones, but a person is allowed to do whatever he wants with his wife and she's allowed to do whatever she wants with him, as long as they are doing the right thing. And the prophets, Allah alayhi salam

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mentioned that as long as it is in the right place is up to them. He can enjoy how she can enjoy him from any dimension and

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except from the animal part Oh, and she's observing her menses or the oral sex which is introduced to our community, you know, nowadays which doesn't exist in in the past. So these things should be avoided. Other than that before the sex itself, the prophets of Allah Allah Sama, advise a person to not forget this. This is really necessary. And when he is going to approach her, she said he is supposed to say Bismillah Allahu magenic, Michel apana watchin nichette animada Xacta he's supposed to start with this. Normally a person forget, you know, because the brain is just thinking of that, but this shouldn't happen. That's why they said the press. I liked the statement of one of the

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scholars who says you have to be brave. Yeah, that braveness actually is not easy to be practiced. But this is really necessary at that moment. A person to say yeah, Hola, Bismillah Allahu Mudjimba shaytaan Urgenda Bichette. Amara Saxena Yeah, Allah take Shabbat away from us and T shirt and away from whatever you grant us of what children he says if Allah smart Allah bless them with to them because of that relationship, linear the road shape on insha Allah shaytan will not or him so you can see how much necessary is this is this dua which a person shouldn't forget. After that, then as I said, is after a person and his wife to decide what exactly do they want and how do they want to

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approach each other. In terms of relationship Allah says this alcohol Sulaco far too heartbroken and mushy too awkward. The Moody offers the Jew they said if a person wanted to have sex with his wife and she lied down in on historic and the person is having sex with her through her back but in not in the animal part but in the in the vagina in the place where it is supposed to be done. He do it in a correct way. But from the backside. They said the boy is going to come home. I cross eyed on that person that he's looking at you it is like he's looking at somebody else. But Allah subhanaw taala rejected this statement. You know the prophets Allah sama said, This is a lie. The last mortal

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season is alcohol. So looking for to come under cheating is up to him and after her to decide what exactly they want to do, is up to them. Anything is halal for them to enjoy. And they can exaggerate. It's up to them, as long as they don't harm each other and they do it in the correct place. It just after the husband and wife. That's why these are natural things. Some people think that you have to go and watch some videos, these are all haram things because we do you Who do you watch, doing that that thing is a haram thing. And also going against the nature Zeid trust me bring your brother, brother and a sister who never know what sex is all about it, put them in a place in a

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room, let them manage, you know, now their husband and wife, get them in the same house. Inshallah, after one year, you will come and see them with the child, how they will figure it out. How do they understand this is part of our nature, you know, part of the nature but unfortunately, animal at the younger age, you see the animal the baby very, very trying to have a relationship with the other other babies also.

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Come on, we are human beings, people of Africa, we don't have this nature. And these animals also they have what is this, you know, in the way somebody will tell you, you have to go and learn it through the books or through the videos, these are all wrong practices that a person shouldn't go for. For that, and we don't even need it last quarter make it very open for a person to decide what exactly he wants to do. That's between him and, and his and his spouse. So after this, and also before I go because marriage, one of the main purposes of marriage is common to the killer. And also to relieve a person to give a person relief, sexual leave which will help him and help the community

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to lower his gaze so that we can be protected from his evil desire. Yeah, if you're going to restrict his sex, you know, problem is going to take place in in the future. And also this is my advice also, especially to the to the wives, because they are the one who gets

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tired of marriage is the wife.

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This is very obvious. Husbands usually don't get tired of having sex, but wife usually get tired of it. And naturally also, the husband and the wife are different in terms of desire. Her desires usually comes when twice in a month, just like this. That's why you have to send a messenger do everything possible to make her interested. She's not told to make is everything possible to make you interested because usually the husband is

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always interested, you know, he should be moderate Islamically at

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The wife shall be very careful, you know that usually the desire comes a few days before height or right after height, and then things are going to become very dry, the husband needs to have this invitation. So this shouldn't affect the marriage, she should always understand that this person might be in need at any time, she has to support him. Yeah, because you will not be happy to see him doing these things, or having you know, even kissing another woman while you have been left, which is not what he called his wife out of out of marriage, so she has to give him the alternative, the halal one, that one at home. So back to the to the topic after this, then the issue of the Lima

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after the consumated the marriage to have the relationship, the first one. And then we'll imagine this is like a point right? Where it's an interesting discussion comes up. On one side of the spectrum, you have people who say that it is as good as wajib to have the consummation of marriage before the walima. Whereas you would find some people say that no, the consummation of marriage can happen only and only after the walima and not before it. But why they say this is because in many cultures Nikka has done just as Nikka. And it's still not confirmed. I don't know how they explained that. But the reasoning is, we've Dominica and we are seeing how things are working out. If things

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don't work out, we're going to break up the marriage, we're going to divorce. So as long as there's no condemnation, the honor of the girl or the family remains saying that we haven't consummated the marriage by the name divorce divorce. But anyway, just wanted to present that case and how do we navigate this these are wrong practices in marriage right after the husband or the Wali. So, right after the volley said to

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to the groom, I give you my daughter, as your wife and the groom say, said

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I accept marriage happened now she is his wife 100% That is a Halima, there is no walima she is his wife, legally Islamically she is the wife. So he has the right to do whatever he wants with her walima according to the best opinion of the scholars is Mr. Harper is not watching and the place the time for the olema is after the marriage have been

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after the conservation of the marriage then the Come on have olema and this is taken from the Hadees of Annecy with Malik is it the prophets a lot so Malbun me Marathi when he says Barnaby Marathi means he has the relationship with the woman. And then he asked us to go and look for some people to come for the for the believer and as went and invited people that came through the town provided by the Prophet sallallahu sallam. So you can see he had the relationship first and then he comes and have the holy man this is actually better for the husband

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and the wife because they already removed that desire. Otherwise the husband will be having the Lima but his thinking is always when is he going to meet his wife so it's better to let them go and meet each other first, and then come and have Tolima. But honestly speaking at anytime they did Alima after the marriage is okay and abdur-rahim will have married and the prophets Allah sama told him to to make the olema he already have the marriage. He informed the prophets Allah Simone he met him ready have the dinner and then the prophecy lots of photos him go and do the Lima This is the best time for the walima. But it doesn't mean that if the Lima is done before the consummation of the

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marriage, Tolima is wrong, or it is not it is still the walima after the worries at them, sorry, the marriage and olema that is related to the to the marriage itself. There are some strange practices also that I met for Lima to be done before the marriage is up even before the act.

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Yeah, I once talked to people I was I found it strange. They said they're going to do the olema because of certain consideration so wishfully my you doing this for the mileage, what is it going to take place in the future, and they're doing the walima. Now, because they have time now in the future, they are afraid of not having a time for it. So that was just a food when presented to the people but not the Lima that is intended for that was supposed to be after, after the marriage, shaking going back to this question with regards to the consummation of the marriage, right? Sometimes it would happen that the person, the man, he's not financially well off, or he's still

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studying or similar. So the family has come to an agreement that we'll get the Nikka done, but we'll postpone the walima for a year later, maybe for example.

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And in this period, the girl stays with her family, the guy stays wherever he's staying maybe abroad.

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So now the question would be can they consummate the marriage in this period? Or do they again wait till the walima? No, they shouldn't. You should ask actually, as I the problem we are making is that we exaggerate in Alima Alima could be very simple, even without meat actually. Whatever you have the prophets Allah

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Someone did really well with the cake. This is the blended powder of the cover the wheat

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cook it in their own track or internet tradition and he invited people to come, I have tumbled in my house, I invite people come for the olema.

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Friends, students, you know, anyone who can attend, even if it is literal, I don't have anything in my house except one would have rice, cook that one for some things, you know, and then invite people to come with a cup of tea shy, you know, I don't have all of those, you know, but I have a little bit of Montego Bay that I can buy some cake you know,

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buy banana cake, the one that you guys always

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feed us with a nice view, whoever is there, call it walima it is walima for the marriage, you want to do that exaggerated kind of walima you can delay it in the future and come and do it. But do this one first right after the marriage, you know and then move forward. But walima is not related to the consummation of the marriage to say that you have to do the walima first for you to meet your wife. No, it is not necessary at all. It is actually sunnah according to the opinion of the vast majority of the scholars, there is no place where the prophets Allah so much straightforward. Say that you have to do it. You have to do it, but he command and remind people not to not to miss it. The one

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that says labeled the mean,

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mean the believer

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that had this this week on so there must be walima for a marriage that had is weak, so we don't depend on it and stick to the opinion of the vast majority of the scholars that will Ema is sunnah that shouldn't be neglected. But this is not to say that marriage cannot be I mean, the husband cannot have relationship with his wife until the time he does do a Lima. This is not true. I don't know where exactly are they getting this from? The Sunnah of the Prophet salallahu, alayhi wasallam.

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Sheikh, but in this scenario that we presented, the man has himself, in a way promised on the valley that he's going to stay away. And now if he's consummating the marriage, technically he is correct, but he shouldn't, right, he shouldn't promise at the first place. But if he has a desire to his wife, he has to go and meet her and have relationship with many people say it's not even a promise, per se, it's just an understanding of the communities usually that if there's a delay in the walima, then conservation doesn't happen whenever whenever he needs his wife, he should go to her, even if he promised not to do that promise has to be broken, he should break that promise and approach his

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wife sexually and give himself relief and give her relief and then do Kfar for the for the afford another if he promised that if there is no promise, just go and have relationship with a spouse. Even if there is a promise it is better to break that promise and go and have relationship with his wife. But it is not good. As I said for him to accept this condition and the first place he should because of his one condition.

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Physical condition. I know if he because of his financial condition, he told her to stay with her family. And that's okay. But she still remained as a wife.

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I remember a personal friend of mine, he was narrating the story of his first marriage. You know, I really any priest that personally, and I want everyone to be like him, you know?

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So he wanted to marry this girl, but the family told him

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that he cannot approach her until she finished our school. He said no, I don't want

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they try. He said no, I don't.

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If I married her, she's my wife, I can stay away from her.

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They said, We will not give you unless if you accept this condition. He said I don't want to accept and then they don't want to

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continue with that proposal. So they declined. And he also declined with no apology, which has declined. And that's how it should be done actually.

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So later on what happened in as well.

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They came they themselves after he married another woman they came begging him to accept to marry their daughter as a second second wife yeah became by themselves because the daughter insisted that she wants only him. So they couldn't relax at the end of the day, they had to come to him and beg him and now he is doing a favor for me to them to accept the marriage which is good for the girl any although is person who is very good in it my knowledge inshallah he will not disrespect the girl after the marriage. But I mean, why do we need to go for this, you know, at the first place, you know? So I like to see a man that remains a man you know? Don't they tell them a condition? Just

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tell them no.

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You don't need to go in the future and keep apologizing because you violated the condition. So at the first place, just tell them no. If they don't want to accept it.

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Managing the way you want to just look for somebody else.

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And as I said, if this condition is there, his wife is there and he has a desire, what do we want him to do to go and commit to, you know, to go and open his eyes and look at other sisters and commit sin? No. Yes to look for his wife wherever she is and have relationship with her and get reward from Allah subhanaw taala relieve her and relieve himself and does it if there is a promise between him and her family, then he does the kuffaar and that's the case is close. Shala is

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she coming back to the time of the walima itself?

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Is it necessary to have like a DS gap between the Nica the walima can we have it in the same day? How do we navigate it? Yeah, that's better. And what I know what the prophets a lot so right after the marriage consultation, he just go to the Tolima and the same day

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that's what I learned from the Sunnah of the Prophet Allah Surma he doesn't delay. Sometimes when he meets his wife, he comes out uncopyable for the Lima immediately.

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The taste is gone. If you are to invite people after long periods of time.

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Even low Andy I will tell you it is not as right after the marriage, you invite people photolemur

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shakes also knowing when walima comes up, it's a matter of celebration across any culture that we look at. Where do we draw the line when it comes to the influence of culture itself? And crossing Islamic boundaries shouldn't happen actually. Because while you might just invite people who are less fortunate than you, people who will appreciate the food you will be presenting to them. That's why Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam I said shovel, Parmitano Halima, you die lay how many Abba? Were you to recommend the idea. The worst half of food is the food of the believer, the one that you always invite those who don't like it, don't need it. And you neglect those people who will be

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willing to come on you and bite them. If they hear about it, they will be willing to come even if there is no invitation because some of them the first time maybe in their life they've experienced this kind of blessings. So the prophets Allah sama say invite those people who will come and Alima should be free from any form of Marcia, any whatsoever. And totally separated the sisters they have their own olema the process, they have their own walima free mixing or Lima is haram just like the way it is haram in any other place in here also it is it is haram. So it's better to have a complete barrier. This is you have the freedom to enjoy that life. You know, and the brothers also they have

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their own freedom to enjoy their life enjoying themselves in, in the in the food. So all of these cultural practices that are against Islam have to be avoided. The husband should be very serious on this, whether his family wants it or she didn't want it. He should try his best to avoid anything that makes Allah subhanaw taala angry in the marriage because he wants Allah to get involved to bless him in the marriage. Why would he entertain anything that is wrong in the Sharia of Allah subhanho wa taala. So while you must, should be

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free from any form of Marcia.

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But if there are events that are there, from a cultural perspective, can we still have them? As long as of course you're not crossing any Islamic boundaries? They are not they are not against Islam. It's okay to have all the cultural practice

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somebody who's making jokes, somebody who's presenting questions, you know, these type of games, you know, it's to make it more in because this is a time of celebration this time of, you know, everyone should be happy. So anything that can make people happy in that marriage, which is not going against the Sharia, we should have it in that

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whether it's part of the culture or it's just initiated by us, it's okay be the lighthouse.

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Shaker Now, if you're the we discussed, like, what's the minimum that is there for the wedding married as long as you're inviting people and you've done the basic food, that's what we call as an extravagant Halima or something that's disliked. This is not necessary. I mean, it's actually have a person to go beyond the limit in terms of what he provide for the invitees. You must restrict yourself to that which people can finish or else if you buy more than what they can finish, then the balance has to be taken to those people who need it. Otherwise the person will be mobile. Somebody who is food and he will be facing the consequences when he meets Allah subhanho wa taala. And also

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an expensive walima whereby even the whole itself you go and spend 1000s of dollars 1000s of ringgit, this is wrong Islamically This is waste of money, this is the veal

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this Tavira person does not need this at all is better for him to find a simple place, you know simple place, even if it is an open area if they're not going to be disturbed by the sun and the rain to find a simple place but this

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Spend the balance of the money in the food, increase it, you know, and by the I mean, the food that is enough for those people who are invited, if there is any balance of the money, we should take it to an orphanage, you know, Allah's motto, bless the management isn't like a soldier giving in charity, or give it back in the marriage or needed in the in the future, or give it as a gift to the to the wife or the family of the wife or your family members, you know, a lot of people who need to rather than spending it on the whole and so many unnecessary things, which is SubhanAllah. In some cultures, a person is thinking about what to spend in the walima more than the marriage expenses,

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you know, the normal and the usual and the required expenses, you know, they take loans, which you know, subhanAllah it affects also the marriage, you know, I was listening to one of the scholars of Tobia he was talking about this issue. And so Allah it is the fact that we are doing the wrong thing that that is affecting our marriage in the future. Because I went and I borrowed money, and then I start my marriage with burdens.

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When do I become happy, usually, naturally, loans brings worries in life. I bring this worry, right at the beginning of my marriage, I started my marriage with this, what am I looking for? I can understand why in the future, I am becoming very sensitive against my wife. intolerant, simple things she does, I can tolerate that because I am always linking this to the fact that I suffer for me to get her under my my custody. That's why marriage should be made simple. No, that much of expenses, you know, everything should goes according to the capability of the husband, what he can do just go with that available. We should shouldn't think about what people are saying our problem

00:31:51--> 00:31:51


00:31:53--> 00:31:58

our problem is how am I going to convince? You know, I was going to say to me that your marriage is

00:32:00--> 00:32:02

I mean, below the requirement, you know,

00:32:03--> 00:32:45

Zion is going to talk Carly's gonna talk, Kareem is going to talk, you know, I don't want people to talk about my marriage. And then I will go and take loan. I like a lot, you know, people will go and drive expensive cars, wherever he says can surely be has one, you know, but then he goes and drive expensive cars. And then after that, come on, suffer just for the few hour, those three hours, as well. He's given the wrong impression to the to the wife, she's going to be demanding in the future. According to what she she saw from him, as well. I was told some of them after the marriage, even the place, they spent a lot, but even the place to put the wife is not ready yet.

00:32:46--> 00:32:55

But he was using the expensive cars that he bought from his friends, or he took loans, you know, but even a proper place to put the wife he doesn't have

00:32:56--> 00:33:00

what is he doing for himself, you know, at the end of the day, those marriages usually don't succeed.

00:33:01--> 00:33:32

Need to like be the person you are. That's why we are unable to meet the wife just be a normal person you need but no more than exaggerates go according to your ability and that's it, let them see you in the way you are. So they will reduce their demand when she comes to house she knows who she is going to be meeting she will not come to you. Because of your wealth, she will come to you because of who you are. Your manners and your behaviors and your attitude, then she accept whatever comes to you as a risk as

00:33:34--> 00:34:19

shake we mentioned about the walima and how it's segregated. And we also spoke in the part before this, of how there's this permissibility of playing the duff in these circumstances. We had a question from a sister who was asking on the ruling with regards to women singing and dancing in these kinds of celebrations. Where do we draw the line? They can sing that's no problem because singing songs in Islam is permissible as long as there is no haram thing in the in the songs and that the content is okay Islamically no haram thing and also no criticism against us. Yeah, if you criticize against others then we see that criticism if they deserve it and then it will be okay. If

00:34:19--> 00:34:46

not then that song will be wrong or when the song contains something that is haram but as long as there is nothing how it is describing something which is okay. You know, singing amongst themselves. This is fine for them to do that. As for dancing, they should avoid it. Wife dancing to the house to the husband no problem but since the assisted dancing in the presence of the sisters, they should avoid it especially in our time where you have this issue of lesbianism and all of these

00:34:48--> 00:34:59

species that we are hearing from here and there as why this caller said even the dress assistants should be very careful. There are shoes also among the sisters. Yeah, they are

00:35:00--> 00:35:35

Who's also among the sisters. So she should be very careful dress very neat, very nice, very beautiful, but she should be moderate and avoid doing something that might provoke the desire of those people who are having weaknesses in their, in their heart. Yeah, so that's why the wife shouldn't come and dance in the presence of others. And in our time also xiety I'm not sure about who is that, you know, no matter how much you try, people have cameras to take the pictures and the videos and they will go and share with who their husbands and that's why in those places a job should be should be maintained. Because you don't know who is there. Even if you say there is no

00:35:35--> 00:35:38

pictures, no phones, but people still do.

00:35:39--> 00:35:54

People still do. It's not easy for you to ban people from doing all of these things. So I have to take care of myself assessor has to take care of herself and make sure that she behave well, according to the Sharia in that article place of the of the walima. I think now

00:35:55--> 00:35:57

the volume has done.

00:35:58--> 00:36:36

And we've spoken about confirmation before already, but we'd like to place the question now. What would be your advice with regards to the couple approaching each other for the first time any guidelines, any rulings things to look out for? How would you advise them to navigate this? I think we this one have been covered because I talk about what they should do. They do our part and the prayer and also they should sit down and have a shot very simple discussion about what kind of plan they want to have in their marriage and also how they approach each other the DUA big for the sex and then the sex what are the limitations in oh what do they have? I think this one had been covered

00:36:37--> 00:37:19

already as I said this is their time to enjoy their freedom in doing anything that will help the husband and the wife to lower their gaze in the community that's it that's why no restriction at all. Somebody says yes hula here our Archana Matthew Amana serious hula our private part if you can tell us in our which one we can show others and which one we cannot let other people see. He said for our attack a lemons which he said protect and come on you are except for your wife. That these are the only two entities that can see each other naked naked meaning the the way Allah swatter created them, and they're not doing something wrong. They're doing something halal for them for

00:37:19--> 00:38:00

themselves Other than that, no. So that's why it's up to them to do whatever they want, which will help them to lower their gaze is up to them as long as they're not doing the wrong thing. You just have to them Allah smart Allah says this alcohol silicom far too hard for Comana shoot him and in the deceit of this is his mobility and motivate Ratan whether she's like this or she's like that it just up to the person he and his spouse to decide what they want to do. And also, if I'm to add on top of this, is that husband and wife should try their best. And this is really necessary. Whenever one of them is sexually interested to the mean. And the other one this the other one shouldn't

00:38:00--> 00:38:04

resist shouldn't show this likeness, no matter what.

00:38:06--> 00:38:49

No matter what, this is really disturbing and breaking marriages and bringing the relationship very, very low. You know, and it doesn't even make sense because one of the most important condemning are reason why marriages establish Islamically is this sexual, you know, relief that they get if she's going to put a restriction and he's putting a restriction then what exactly they want each other to do you know, outside his restricted he's not allowed to do anything inside also he is restricted by his wife or she is restricted by him then what is left for them what what left is to go and do that haram thing. So this is really necessary because it is affecting the relationship of the of the

00:38:49--> 00:39:11

spouses, right. So whatever whenever he wants her she has to come and the prophets Allah cinema, already make it haram upon her to reject His offer when he wants her even if she is having something that she's doing, she has to leave everything and come they may even too fast. If he is there around he has to inform him first before she fast

00:39:12--> 00:39:51

she has informed me before she fast if she's fast in the Sooner fast he has a right to break that fast and he's not doing the wrong the wrong thing. That's how much great is right and why the focus is on on her because usually he is the one who is a need more than her. You know, you'll find hundreds of requests from the me the husband, if we find one request from the from the wise towards the husband. So that's why the emphasis is on on her and he's the one who mixes with people outside and get this out by other matters which will force him to come back and relationship with with the spouse. What I'm trying to say is this barrier has to be removed. The wife has to feel a lot smarter

00:39:51--> 00:39:59

whenever the husband approached her she has to submit herself to him willingly and happily also she has to create the desire

00:40:00--> 00:40:44

He shouldn't come and just attack, he has to send messages as to provoke her do anything that can provoke her to accept his offer that he is sending to her indirectly, but she shouldn't say to him No, no. And if she is also looking for the same thing, he is also supposed to submit himself to her unless if she is in the state of height. In this case, there is no there shouldn't be any invitation or she is fasting, the water fasting, there shouldn't be any invitation or she's sick, the sickness that she knows she cannot handle this, it might increase her sickness, in this case, the husband is not supposed to approach her because it is harmful to her, and he is not allowed Islamically to harm

00:40:44--> 00:41:20

his wife, but if she can handle then it is better for her to observe patients and let him do whatever possible, it will increase, inshallah the good relationship amongst amongst MBAs. And last, but this one, I really emphasize on this, because many people are suffering and marriages are affected, because the wife is not submitting herself when the husband is in need. And when this resistance happens, usually the desire of the husband goes, goes down, and it's going to really affect his way of looking at her. And that will not be good for her. Not good for him not good for her also at the same time. And

00:41:22--> 00:41:42

she acts at this point, we've covered the period of Nicca, we've covered the consummation, we've covered walima. And now we're moving to the next set of questions, which are with regards to the housing where the couple is going to stay. So you usually find a discussion happening of living separately.

00:41:43--> 00:42:28

But there are also scenarios where the parents are dependent on the mat. So the proposal goes of living together. So how do we navigate this, which is a better choice for the couple? What would you suggest, as far as permissibility is concerned, it is halal for him to live with his family or with her family law. Naturally, the culture is he lives with his family and with her family. But both for him to live with her family if he is going to lower his his gaze, you know, because she has sisters, there are other people in the house, which are not his mahari. So that's why usually culture cultures, you know, are not going for this, but they go for the other one, whereby he lives with his

00:42:28--> 00:42:37

family is okay halal for him to do that. But is it advisable? You know, honestly speaking? No. The best is to live separately.

00:42:38--> 00:42:52

Next to his family, that will be good. But not in the same place with his parrot. Because usually, you know, and many, many, many marriages are disturbed. And the victim is the wife,

00:42:53--> 00:43:10

you find the mother of the mother in law is not having good relationship with with the wife. In most instances, these are battles. Yeah. So why do we need to put ourselves into this situation and the wife is not asleep.

00:43:11--> 00:43:56

Because the mother usually deal with her as if she's asleep or made in the house. And this is wrong. She shouldn't do that. She comes to live with the husband. But it's okay to support the mother of the husband. But it shouldn't be made like mandatory upon her to come and serve her and do everything, you know, the mother wants as if this girl is asleep in the presence and also usually see the mother in law's are not happy. Whatever she presents, he's not happy. So I always problem you know, I'm speaking about this, but at the same time, I have examples you know, in my brain of people who are suffering, you know, because of this issue of living with, with with the parent. So,

00:43:56--> 00:44:24

I don't see any logical for person to marry and stay with his parents unless if it is necessary, necessary and necessary. If it is not, then it is better for him to have a house separated from them have his own establishment, closer to the parent and go every time to support the parent. Creating this distance is really important to keep the relationship between the two families feeding like a soldier in Charlotte is up on the air for that.

00:44:26--> 00:44:30

Now to the next stage, now they are living together in there started a family together.

00:44:32--> 00:44:36

When is the right time for the couple to start thinking of having children.

00:44:37--> 00:44:50

The first time the marriage actually shouldn't be before the marriage the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam said there's always a load and we'll do the very name of Catherine become Oh mama yo Makia so when you marry you marry those people who are

00:44:52--> 00:44:59

capable of producing children. And also the promise a lot of Somerset those who love you the same time

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

So because I want to be proud of your sides,

00:45:03--> 00:45:42

on the Day of Judgment. So thinking of having children should be actually before the marriage. And they should plan for this and they should act upon it right after they meet each other. And they shouldn't worry at anytime they can have a child, they should just go ahead. And in sha Allah, they will not regret as long as it is not harmful to the mother. Having one year gap between the kitties is very fine. Two years is very fine. But to make it longer, sometimes you hear a couple saying that we want to have a child after we after we graduate after after after these are not good for them. And it's not good for the for the community as well.

00:45:43--> 00:45:51

Would you suggest having this discussion when in the initial stages where they are still not husband and wife, the adult they

00:45:52--> 00:46:07

this this, this discussion should take place after after the marriage in the in the first night of the discussion where you highlighted that they should be talking? Yeah, because talking about? He's talking about what he called being pregnant to who? His future.

00:46:09--> 00:46:44

What do you call a proposed wife propose? Right? Yeah. So once this pregnancy is mentioned, honestly speaking desires going to be provoked, and we don't want this desire to be provoked at that time. So that's why his job is to look at if he has any necessary question he asked, but talking about issues of sex and relationship, this one shouldn't happen until the marriage to take place after the marriage, then they can talk in the way they want. He should have intention to have children, she should have intention to have children and they just marry right after the marriage just start with looking for the children. Allah says what they will emphasize.

00:46:45--> 00:47:03

Reason I highlighted this point is because usually in lots of the books and the articles and the lectures, you would hear that people will say in the questions leading up to the marriage, the potential spouses, they ask each other of how many children they want, and if they are aligned on that in the first place.

00:47:05--> 00:47:06

I found this to be very strange,

00:47:07--> 00:47:51

although we are live in a very, very difficult, indifferent and complicated life nowadays, things which used to be shameful now, they are not shameful any, any more or less if a person understand that, okay, he's going to be married to a person who has this belief. She has this type of belief that she will not have a choice. She will not have a child until after this ages, then a person should tell her the first place that he wants to show that and he's interested in having children from day one, that she should you be aware of this to avoid having clashes in the future right after the marriage. Child I think that clarifies it quite a lot. Checks are now moving forward again with

00:47:51--> 00:47:57

regards to the family life itself. We want to delve a bit more deeper into the family life.

00:47:58--> 00:48:05

What are the rules, right and responsibilities of the husband firstly towards the wife.

00:48:06--> 00:48:32

The first thing are those responsibilities that the Sharia put on his shoulder and Africa clothing and accommodation, these are the main responsibility of the husband and also to handle the Amana properly. What is enough Akashic Nevada is the expenses, buying food for whatever she was the minimum Nevada, whatever she needs, what can feed her according to their culture, according to the mouth.

00:48:35--> 00:48:52

So it depends from a person to another person and according to his own ability, Allah says local live lonely and for those that it is that from uncoded Allah he does call for you and we monitor Hola. Everyone should spend according to his capability I might be able to buy

00:48:53--> 00:49:27

Monday every day, you know, with lamb you know for my wife, Carrie Mina nurse might not be able to do this, if his wife impose Monday on him is going to be very tough and difficult life. So he buys according to his capability whatever he can buy moderately without to veto a Seraph. Get it so each sister is treated differently according to her status and according to the ability of the of the husband. So this is the number one responsibility of the husband take care of these

00:49:28--> 00:50:00

matters. And on top of that, to remember the Amana between him and Allah subhanaw taala that this Miss keen and now she is like a slave with him. What do I mean by a slave? Not then nationals figuratively. Yeah, but you brought a person who used to have freedom doesn't need to ask anyone permission, but now she has to ask you permission. Everything she does, she goes out of the house. She talks to you. I want to go to the house. I'm looking for information, you know, on do this, you know, so it's like somebody who is restricted because of you. So that's why I

00:50:00--> 00:50:44

harm in this type of people is really really very dangerous to the person in his relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. So he has to feel Allah subhanaw taala in the way he takes care of her, and to make sure that he did not introduce anything in his life with her, except that which is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa taala. So, these are mandatory, and other than that leniency softness, tolerance, you know, and fatahna you know that the person is should be very smart and overlooking, you know, the mistakes she's going to be doing this one a very necessary the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ah says, he says, Al Murata wholecut Mandela is is a woman is a woman is created from the

00:50:44--> 00:50:48

river and the river is bent. It says

00:50:49--> 00:51:02

when our Juma Fidella Allah, so it's like she is created from this, this part of the report is the most important one, you know, the prophets Allah Azza wa says she's created from that.

00:51:03--> 00:51:45

What does that mean? It doesn't mean literally that she is bent today, right? We don't see sisters like that. But he is talking about the nature naturally she's like that. So the prophets a lot of summer said fine to have to to chemo. Because if you insist that she has to be straight, you're going to break that rip. And what happens? Universe? Yeah, that's why he said you're going to live without, with that, what he called nature that last mortal created her upon, and he says in another place Almora to learn tussocky Mala Calibrachoa is it as no way for one to be straightforward, no one can have a life with you. Naturally, this is who they are. This how Allah supporter created

00:51:45--> 00:52:23

them. So these are necessary for me to understand this, you understand this everyone to understand. And you Allah, if we do this, a person will enjoy life with his wife and that life will last longer, longer and longer, because you know who you're dealing with. So you're going to live in a very peaceful way with her and you tolerate and you understand, you know, you're not going to find things that are coming from her strange. Yeah, because of sola sola sama already reminded you that naturally you are not the same a different in terms of the way you are thinking that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam I said, Leia Fukumoto Minuten in Caterham in Holland, probably I

00:52:23--> 00:53:02

mean, how can a believer shouldn't hate another believer is referring to the wife, you shouldn't hate. Because if you don't like one behavior she has, you will love another, another one, for sure. She has good attitudes and good manners. So just because she did something wrong. Now, the professor last summer said you shouldn't hate her because of this. If you have some issues with her, there is another you know, behavior which which you like so basically, I propose in a life between husband and wife to be the life between Rasulullah sallallahu and his and his wives. That's the best kind of life you will never see a life like that one. The wife of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam and his

00:53:02--> 00:53:04

wives, they relax,

00:53:05--> 00:53:39

very relaxed, they are really at ease. The Prophets the last time I see this in light, but he lives with them as a husband and wife. Very soft, very gentle, very lenient. You know. Aisha said when she's sick, the prophets, Allah Sama, treat her like a baby. You know, this is Rasul Allah salsa with his wives. It's very soft and very gentle. And he respects them beyond what you can ever imagine, really respects his his family. And they mean a lot to him. You know, contrary to many of our brothers, you know, subhanAllah

00:53:40--> 00:53:53

is not easy for his wife to approach. When she speaks to him. He doesn't want to hear you know, even if you don't find her speech interesting just listen for Celeste Lhasa never reject.

00:53:54--> 00:54:42

The story's been set to him. By his wives, he lives I shall lead the prophets, Allah Allah Surma. As you're sitting with him, she was narrating that long story and he was listening. And listen and not just listen to know attentively listening to that story, and making comment also. Yeah, that's what should be done. You find what she's saying? Silly. Just take it as something that is as serious and cooperate with her and make comment. You know, that's what she believes she believes everything is okay. Why can't you just also just believe with her and talk to her and just say, I mean, be with her in that narration because woman wants to feel that she stays with somebody. You want to be

00:54:42--> 00:54:59

comfortable. You want to have that comfort in your marriage. Woman is not looking for this. She's looking for what I was called is called a diff. To have the feeling that she's next to somebody who cares, cares about being valued, and he and he cares for her. he values her

00:55:00--> 00:55:09

He get this from that is almost in the sun that he has, this is what assistants looking for naturally. That good word you say to her, you know

00:55:10--> 00:55:16

Allah is more than enough for many of the sisters to find a home with the husband.

00:55:17--> 00:55:57

I love you. You are this and that you know those word that that she hears from you you know more than enough. She says she understand that you accommodate her you know you don't find her disgusting the time she's on period. You don't have any barrier with her. You know you sit down with her and consult her on some of you affairs you know, issues of this nature. She feel valued by you. This is what you want. That's why it will not be easy for her to see you angry. It will really not be easy for her to see you getting angry. You know when when whenever she did something wrong, she will try her best to make sure that she doesn't make you angry. Look at the wives of the Prophet sallallahu

00:55:57--> 00:56:39

Sallam almost Salamone. She went to the prophets, Allah sama to complain for something what she believes is her right? She complained to him the Prophet Allah is someone told her Allah to the needy Aisha, do not harm me in Aisha, she said all the lemon other caribou la she's ever seen yet. I seek refuge with Allah smart Allah from doing anything that will make you unhappy. I shall the Allah and when Zainab talk against her. What did she tell us? No. She did not tell her anything. Why? Because she feels that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam might not be happy with her reply. So I found it very interesting. And this is the best example for the wives to be imitated. You know, she

00:56:39--> 00:57:24

was role model for every sister you know, on Earth. That wife should always be looking at the husband and thinking about the reaction that can possibly come from the husband before she does whatever she is planning to do. Aisha said Zainab said what she said. And I wanted to reply, because she is talking too much against me. But then she said before I said what I wanted to say, I look at the face of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, she said fun a lot too. If you wish in the visa Allahu Allahu selama era Halia crow an antacid? She said I look at the face of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe salam to see whether he mind does he mind if I reply or not? You know, Salah, even to reply

00:57:24--> 00:57:42

for me to somebody who is hurting her feelings, you know, she said I have to check first with my husband, to see whether he is okay or not. Only when she finds that rasool Allah sama does not mind, then she starts taking over to reply, you know, Xena, you know,

00:57:43--> 00:58:22

with some part of the word she said to her. So this is the best example of a wife who is really concerned and particular about the happiness of, of the of the husband. But as I said, this has his own price to be paid, the husband has to pay for this first, how do you pay for this by having an excellent and extra ordinary relationship with the spouse where she sees nothing from you except tellers. So the prophets, Allah Azza wa said, this is her nature, she might be making those mistakes, which are not coming from her intentionally. This is who she is, you should understand who she is, and tolerate and overlook. Don't be so picky and commenting on every single thing the wife

00:58:22--> 00:58:57

is doing, trust me, your house is going to be to Him for her. And that will affect her response whenever you need. You need her. So many people will not have this good relationship with the spouse, she cannot call him when he goes out. You know, she only sees him when she comes back and he comes workplace. She cannot communicate with him. He doesn't call how to ask about who she is when she communicate with him. Also, he doesn't have time to reply, how because he's out. He's out of the house. These are wrong practices. No, he should call her from time to time when he's at work, and ask about how we're doing. Everything's fine. You don't check about how when she call him You should

00:58:57--> 00:59:18

be happy with the call reply. If he's busy with something then texts, my dear wife, I'm really busy with something. Unfortunately, you call at this moment, but I cannot respond because of the work. I have to attend to this and that but inshallah right after I finish, you will see my message but I hope everything is okay. Shorter, everything's okay. Take your time. And then take your time and then contact her.

00:59:19--> 00:59:58

Again, when you're coming back to the house, don't just come to the to the house, call her and tell her that I'm on the way back. She feels that she's with somebody even after you left the house. She feels that she's with somebody, especially those people who are living overseas, your wife doesn't have any family doesn't have anyone to go to. And then you left her almost 12 hours in the house let's say in alone, especially before you have a child or the child is very young. Trust me she's going to be suffering from this depression and stress. So how to cure this is by communicating with her right after you leave the house and even if you're at work you call her from time to time to

00:59:58--> 00:59:59

make sure that she's okay.

01:00:00--> 01:00:19

He and you tell him, we're together. So that diff is that broken, isn't like as, as the origin, may Allah grant us ability, you know, to imitate Rasulullah sallallahu may in his relationship with his spouse, and also the sisters to imitate the wives of the Prophet salallahu Salam in their relationship with the professor of law, this

01:00:21--> 01:00:46

is not gonna lie check for that in another topic that's very, very related to this is the topic of what is a core one. Because sometimes what happens is people use this position of power that they're in, and they end up encroaching on the rights of the wife, or putting her in a place where it shouldn't be. So how do we define what a worm is? And how do we go forward?

01:00:47--> 01:01:34

Kiama is none other than responsibility, and leadership. And a leader is usually a slave of the subordinate. Yes, he serves, yeah, that's how it is he serves, he works for them, he don't relax, he doesn't relax, for them to feel comfortable. That's how LED should act. That's why the wife should sleep, where there is a fear in the house and the husband should handle everything, tell them go relax, and he will be the security guard, you know, for the whole family, to provide for the family financially, and he should be the source of comfort for all of them. So he is there been given this authority so that things will be organized and manage properly in the house, that's it. But at the

01:01:34--> 01:01:39

same time, he should be the most lenient and soft and gentle person and taller, tolerant

01:01:40--> 01:02:20

tolerated person, you know, and approachable person, to his to his spouse, it should make sure that at every second, the wife is happy to believe and to have the feeling that she is she is with him, he shouldn't be a monster in the house whereby if he approached the house, it shows some signs with his Oracle voice so that you will be very careful. You know, she gets irritated, you know, when the husband is coming back, because she doesn't know what is he going to be talking about, when he sees something in the wrong place in the in the house. No, this is not a house, the real house is a place where the wife is always waiting to see the time the husband is coming to the to the house. And he

01:02:20--> 01:03:04

she is not afraid of him at all. But she knows that this person is a leader. And she doesn't want to upset him. And she's trying her best to make sure that he's happy 24 hours to get it but at the same time, is somebody that she can do whatever she wants in his presence, without in his presence without being afraid of anything, as long as she's doing the right that I think so this is the proper clue. Other than that is wrong, is something that the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, I reject when he says, the best among you, the best to the to their wives, the best amongst you are the best to their wives. So question yourself, if you are to ask your wife, to be honest, is she

01:03:04--> 01:03:24

going to say that you are the best person to her? And trust me, most of us, they will fail this this test? Because we are not? She might say yes, because she might be afraid of you getting this information that he said you are not the best. So for the sake of the marriage, she might say you are the best but in reality, she doesn't believe in this.

01:03:25--> 01:04:10

A good husband is the one that convinced the wife that that take the wife to the position where she believes that this person is the only thing she has, after Allah subhanaw taala she even see him better than her own family. You know, her father, her mother, you know, this is the most successful, successful husband, you know, to I mean in Islam and this is what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is asking us to, to have as an approach when dealing with our spouses. So Zide it is not part of Tijuana for a person to be a dictator, in the presence of his his wife. No, the real cuyama is to act with the I mean to the wives in accordance with the Sunnah of the Prophet Elijah Silla man to

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behave like Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with his with his wife. Yeah, so leniency is needed softness, tolerance, you know, gentleness, you know, being approachable person is needed, making jokes, you know, always making her happy trying to tell her stories and making sure that she is feeling comfortable is necessary in a successful marriage.

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Shake we also discussed on the topic of an Africa

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Usually you hear this statement being made, that her money is her money, but his money is also her money.

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To what extent would we agree to that from an Islamic perspective? This is not true. His money is his money and how many is how many? Yeah, like that, but there is a responsibility on his shoulder. She did

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doesn't have a right in his money. And that money he has to give it to her. Yeah, he must give it to her, which is an Africa and as but his money is it his money, she's not allowed to touch his money without his permission. or less if he's not giving her enough in Africa, then she can touch the money according to her need, and should restrict herself to the custom. But you can take whatever she needs, even if he doesn't give approval to that. Other than that how many somebody has money is money? If then Africa is not being given by the husband? Is that grounds for annulling the marriage or asking for divorce from the wife side? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, he has to do if he's not doing

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then she can ask for the divorce. And speaking of divorce, another question had come to mind was adding a clause in the Nikka contract where the wife puts it first up, that if certain conditions are not met, or if the husband is abusive, she has a right to divorce, instead of asking for the whole, she has the right to divorce. Would that be? If he pointed out,

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you know, he removed this right to her shoulder? Yeah, the moment she said she devotes herself, then

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it works on into the vast majority of the scholars, I can't remember anyone who says it doesn't. It doesn't occur. So when he says you do have a right to divorce yourself, as long as I'm giving you the Nevada and she was able to prove that he's not given the enough, aka, she uttered the divorce, she's divorced. Yeah, he has the right to bring her back. But she is the divorce at the time. Coming back from that tangent, we were discussing with regards to what Guam is. On the other end of the spectrum, we have the diet. So a lot of the time there's this misconception that many people would have that if a person praises his wife in front of someone, he's being called to the youth. But in

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reality, it's much more than that. How do we explain the concept and where do we draw the line,

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the youth is somebody who brings evil to his family. Thus they are a person who doesn't mind to introduce evil to the family is called the Youth saying that your wife is good, you love your wife, your wife, this is doing this and that is very fine. Although I would not advise a person to do it if unless if it is necessary. Because we have a go I and some other things also. And you know, the soul and the heart, you know, and this disease might find somebody who's thinking negatively about that wife, you know, in they themselves also Allah smart allows them to talk moderately, because somebody who has disease in his heart might be thinking of having a relationship with with them. So

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a person should keep their affairs, you know, between him and his wife in secret, you know, but saying that your wife is good, your wife is excellent, doesn't mean that a person is the youth at all. They ask the prophets, Allah Sama, who do you love the most? He said, I share with Alana. You know, if I

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went to this place me and my wife is okay. What is prohibited is to share the relationship that you have with your wife with others. This one is rejected Islamically the prophets, Allah Azza wa said this, just like to shaytaan that just come in the presence of everyone and have relationship in public, and then just stand up and go, person is not allowed Islamically to share

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with others, what happens between him and his wife during the sex, the sexual relationship? So is it limited to that? Or is it also limited, inclusive of people looking at his wife and him allowing guests to look at his wife and since the youth, somebody who is bringing his wife to other people to look at them to look at how or doesn't care his wife is shaking hands of others are hugging others, this is the youth

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the youth

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a person who is concerned who have who has the jealousy will never tolerate this will never tolerate this. Whether he is Mr. Chemo or not easily naturally, people don't really tolerate this. Yeah, so the youth is somebody who would entertain and introduce evil to the family. Yeah, any form of evil. And

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the next question shake would be with regards to what extent is the interference of the in laws of either the man or the woman allowed in the married life of this couple? I mean, we've touched upon it about the the discussions that happened between the mother in law and the bride. But in general, where do we draw the line when it comes to the interference or commands that are made by the in laws in the married life? They shouldn't interfere? They can only interfere when they see the kids going in the right wrong direction Islamically then they have to interfere to bring them back to their consciousness. Other than that,

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They shouldn't interfere their life. The father of the wife, the father of the husband, the mother, of the wife, or the husband, they shouldn't interfere. Anything. You know, the words I heard

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from some of these countries, you know,

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and it's the mother of the husband, a mother in law to the wife, she is interfering, even in terms of what to cook in the house. Well, I found it so funny, childish, you know, the mother has to call all the way from our country to ask the Daughter, what is your cooking today?

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And the daughter in law, so the daughter find it very disturbed, disturbing, you know, to live a life like this. I have to cook what they asked us not to do this. And what are you doing today? Are you going out? Yes. Where are you going? What kind of life is this? And so Hala, they are living in another country. The mother is another country, the wife is in another country. You know, the I mean, the sun, these children, they're in our country, but still they call you know, can you see this? You know, so Allah silly things, you know, all over from that you call just to interfere and to disturb your children. You know, to that extent that even what to eat, you have to tell them what

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to eat. What kind of life is this. So this is wrong, you should let them design their life in the way they want it. Even if it is against your interests, and against the way you want it to be. As long as they're not violating the law of the Sharia. This is up to them to live according to whatever they want to live,

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according to.

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So how does a person balance between the rights of the parents and the rights of the spouse? Because sometimes there might be an overlap? How do we navigate the situation? Things should remain in the way Allah smart Allah kept the parents remains as parents, we have to obey them. But we cannot obey our parent, in a way that involves disobedience to Allah subhanaw taala. If my parent asked me and commanded me to do something, which is harmful to my wife, injustice to my wife, I'm not supposed to follow my parent, as you just apologize, including divorce. You have a good relationship with your spouse, there is no problem between husband and the wife, you know, they have in a very excellent

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relationship amongst them. And Islamically everything is fine. But just like that, the father of the the brother, you know, husband doesn't like the wife, or the mother doesn't like the wife. And they asked her son to divorce her. He asked him why this is just like that with you just like how

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can he divorce her? No, he shouldn't.

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And he's not disobeying the parent. He shouldn't divorce. He should stay with his wife. Just smile. And tell them I hear you.

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Yeah, and keep his wife. If they ask him again, apologize to them, and tell them because I couldn't see anything. We're having a life. She prays to Allah, she fast. She does everything. She wears hijab, she takes care of my children. I don't see any deficiency and why would that leave up? No, we just don't like

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just leave that no need to fight them, but don't divorce. That's why

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one of the Hanabi law says well, he was given an example of situations where you can disobey the parent. He says water leaks or Jatin Berra image Muslim majority. He said, when the parent asked you to divorce your wife, just

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with an opinion here, this is just their opinion. They don't have any evidence, no justification, no anything they just did like the wife and they asked you to divorce her. You don't divorce her at the time. You just did. You stay with her. You don't divorce. Somebody says to him our hammer when he told him not to divorce his wife after the command of his father to divorce the wife. You know, the father told the boy to divorce your wife. And the boy said,

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I will consult a scholar so he asked you about Muhammad. He said, she said my father is asking me to divorce my wife. What should I do? He said Don't divorce. He said but Omar, when he asked his son Abdullah to divorce his wife, the prophets Allah Allah selama asked Abdullah to divorce the wife. Muhammad says, Yeah, you're right. And therefore if your father is like Omar, then you have to divorce your wife. But if your father is not like Omar, then you can just continue with your wife you don't need to divorce and he knows that his father is not like Omar when he asked the son to divorce the wife that is a valid and genuine reason you know for that, which forces Omar to do that,

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otherwise those companions they know exactly what it will they will never interfere the life.

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They will never interfere. You know the life of the children after after the marriage. Yeah. So parents remains as parent you obey them unless if that obedience involved this obedience to Allah subhanaw taala when they are

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skewed to harm the wife you don't do. You don't have no matter how much they insist you should. If you do it, you get sued for that oppression and a person will become a valid, the parents who commanded him will be evaluated and he's also valid him at the same at the same time.

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Check bringing the discussion for today for a wrap. What would be your parting advice for couples to be married couples or those who are already married for a successful married life? Well, I as I said to understand the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet that Allah is celebrating their marriage precisely. To follow the Sunnah of the Prophet Allah. So in that marriage, precisely and also to follow the method used by the wives of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam precisely. That's what makes a marriage sucks. I mean, succeed. A successful marriage is one that the wife is following the Sunnah of the Prophet, Allah Salam. And

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the husband also is following the Sunnah of the Prophet a lot. So my marriage, and each and every one of them understand the other partner and live with them. Islamically according to the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the wife should be tolerant, you know, and also lenient, and understanding also that she is the wife to the husband, and he is having this authority over her, she's not supposed to disobey him. And he's at the same time also supposed to act as the best partner to this. Myskina I call you Allah, because now she has to ask his permission in everything you know, and also the thinking of maybe him, neglecting her in the future, because she age a

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physical, you know, appearance has changed, you know, is always there. So, he should act like Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam love should be the leading to gentleness, softness, you know, and also accommodating her, you know, tolerating her, all of these have to be have to be there. And also he should show her always that she's one of the most valuable people that he has in his in his life, that people that he need them to be on his on his side. So this is what I found to be the most interesting life and what can preserve a marriage in sha Allah, and help the marriage to last longer to adopt the method of the prophets, Allah. So my marriage, and the method of the wives of the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam are in marriage, where the wife is happy, and the husband is happy. And they're both cooperating to establish the law of Allah subhanaw taala in in that marriage, the husband is not a monster. And the wife knows that yes, there is somebody on top of our in the marriage, she tried to obey Him and cooperate with him to make a success in the future. So this is my general advice. It read a lot about the Sunnah of the Prophet Allah, so my his life with his wife from both sides, the wife read and the husband also read. And they try also to remain closer to each other. We have heard a lot in the marriages whereby the husband comes to the house,

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but he sits in a place and the wife is in another place, this is not going to bring anything good. I have a lot of proposal concerning this, which I believe it will do a lot to the marriage, whatever job you are doing, try to engage your wife also in it, you know, indirectly or directly, when you come back home, if you're doing something, consult how, you know, if you're a student of knowledge, you have some assignment, give some part of it to your wife, he will love to help and then come for discussion that sits in that you're going to have she say you say you know you're discussing before you finalize the result, which should be, you know, when you call in those and also plays in, in

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your assignment, you have this discussion, I do believe 100% with no doubt, increase the love, you know, this communication is really necessary between the husband and wife, they shouldn't sit separately in, in the house, as long as they can sit together. I'm not saying that all the time, they have to be sitting together, but the vast majority of the life they should be sitting together and also talking to each other cooperating, you know, with with each each other, if you're not

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an academic person, also upon you bring your articles, you know, your discussions, your slides, your lectures that you're doing, that the wife cooperate and help you in organizing and arranging. You know, I mean, that is there should be something that is linking you with your spouse, not just a sex, sexual relationship in the spouse or the bed. No, that should be, you know, subhanAllah something that is always connecting you with your wife helper in the kitchen helper and cleaning the house from time to time, not necessarily all the time. Shouldn't be all the time actually, you will get bored. You know, she shouldn't demand this from you, but from time to time, you should get

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involved in the house and doing these activities and also your own personal work. You should try to get her involved. You know, this is what makes her busy. Otherwise, trust me as I

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The wife will be looking for alternative, because she always been feel that she's alone in the house, you go out and she doesn't go out and they will come she will tell you this and you will realize that, you know that misunderstanding that kept on happening between you and her is because of the distance that is created by you, between you and how in your life with her. So she should be close to you, you should be close to her and she should be engaged in your activities, your personal activities, your work activities, you should get her involved. You know, from time to time, that discussion, healthy discussion is really necessary for the betterment of the marriage, Inshallah,

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may Allah grant us good and to feed me and I mean, exactly know how to shake for that. And we'd like to thank you again for taking the time out to be with us today.

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Como la Kailyn. Lots more to accepted from all of us mean, I mean, we'd like to also thank all our viewers for tuning in joining taking notes benefiting from this session. A question we got asked last time when we released the videos was when it's about tarbiyah. Why are we talking about marriage? So the answer to that would be that

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the beginning of therapy starts not when the child is born, but when you're selecting the father or the mother of the of the child itself. So the purpose of talking about these lectures and all this discussion that we've had for the last two or three sessions was to solidify the foundation and to sow the seeds. Inshallah, in the next sessions, we'll be discussing about the delivery about raising the child and so on and so forth and our future sessions. Till then just akmola hair. Thank you again for tuning in. Do share any gems that you've noted down, share it with us on our social media, and share it with your friends and family. Till next time, Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh