A-Z Of Tarbiyah – #02

Ibrahim Nuhu


Channel: Ibrahim Nuhu


File Size: 62.71MB

Share Page
AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Therefore, no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

AI Generated Summary ©

The speakers emphasize the importance of finding the right person in relationships, particularly in the context of marriage. They stress the need for religion, acceptance of sex, privacy, and privacy in relationships, and emphasize the importance of following guidance and avoiding regretting past relationships. They also stress the need for a positive attitude towards money and avoiding projection and expectations for success in relationships.

AI Generated Transcript ©

00:00:00--> 00:00:41

Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Salam aleikum arkit Allah He Academy. Welcome back to our database series. This is part two, we left off when we were discussing with regards to searching for a spouse and what qualities do we look for in a spouse? So shake building on where we left off. We mentioned there were certain things that we are commanded to look at in a prospective spouse. So could you elaborate and that is more on the things that we need to focus on. And others really it really mattered. Because sometimes we of course, when we're talking about religion, we disregard the rest. And there was this interesting

00:00:42--> 00:01:07

narration from Imam Muhammad, when he combined them together. Where he was mentioning or other words attributed to him, is you look at the beauty first, and then, you know, get the religion. So if things don't work out, you're rejecting based on the deen itself and not the looks or your final judgment is based on the being and not the looks. So how do we move forward from here

00:01:09--> 00:01:17

Smilla Rahmanir Rahim o salat wa salam ala Rahmatullah elemina You know, have you been hammered instead? Allahu, Allahu Allah, Allah, he also he was telling my wife,

00:01:19--> 00:02:07

the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam or in the Hadith, focus on religion and, and malice and attitude, but then separately, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam advise the person not to marry somebody who he doesn't know in terms of the look, but when it comes to who to choose, as far as selection and a choice is concerned, the focus according to the Sunnah of the Prophet a lot, so much should be based on religion and good manners. But then other factors also matters such as the duty I remember him in his book saddle Alma also critically critically, you know, reject the idea of marrying just because of the Dean without paying attention to other factors. Yeah, so what Sharia wants you to do is to

00:02:07--> 00:02:50

combine all the muscles together and come up with concrete in a smaller kind of ruling which you will not regret Inshallah, in, in the in the future. And by doing this, you will not end up missing in misinterpreting the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam it is not good for a person to recommend a person who his daughter doesn't see handsome, okay, to her, or a person who his son does not see a beautiful, you know, and okay to live with them. So although we focus on the religion, but it is not advisable at all in Islam for a person to marry a person that he never, never saw, he has to see first, and to see whether he will be satisfied stained with them or not. So

00:02:51--> 00:03:02

whether that statement is set correctly attributed to him, but or not, but the end is the same. Because at the end of the day, that rejection is not based on those other factors. It's based on the religion and

00:03:04--> 00:03:33

although we are saying that rejection is based on religion, but it doesn't mean rejection cannot be based on the other factors. Also, a person might meet somebody who is very religious, and very honest, but at the same time, they don't like him. Either some of the behaviors he has they don't like that one. Or the way he looks they don't like this is absolutely their right. A girl can reject a person just because she doesn't like his look is okay this is her right? Whether we see it as

00:03:34--> 00:03:39

correct or wrong. This is her right given to her by by the Sharia. That's why

00:03:41--> 00:03:46

when he wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Bakr Okuu any Aisha,

00:03:47--> 00:03:55

talk to her she said, What do you think about Omar beanie husband? She said, No, I don't want and this is our Khalifa.

00:03:56--> 00:03:58

Mini caliphates misdemeanor.

00:03:59--> 00:04:43

This is something that everyone should be rushing for. Right? But then she says she doesn't want And subhanAllah the community and the family is not forcing her. All that Aisha did was to tell her wake up. This is Omar, Omar Omar, you know, if you're not aware of what you're saying that I just reminded her this is Khalifa Omar Omar, you know? He said Yes, I know. I don't want why she said because he's harsh. No, it's not like that. He said no, I don't want they tried to convince her she says she doesn't want nobody blame her for this. Because this is absolutely her right at the end of the day. I shut all of that off to go and meet her and apologize to him that because if she doesn't

00:04:43--> 00:04:59

want she is not interested in that marriage and Omar did not get annoyed. Yeah, because this is the right given to her by by the Sharia. Family Do not force her to take somebody which she is not interested in taking. And also the community is not imposing that on her the lens

00:05:00--> 00:05:30

Make her choice according to what she wants. And Omar, close the page completely. He did not insists he did not try to beg him not do anything that might have put pressure on the girl. He looked for something else. And he got that which is better for him actually then then overconsume, another omocha film, but that one is the daughter of Ali Vitali. So it's more related to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam and his family, you know, then the family of Abu Bakr, Radi Allahu Allah Juan. So in Islam,

00:05:31--> 00:06:13

a woman a sister can reject based on the beauty or the manner in which she is not talking about handsomeness because former is not that person that you say he doesn't have a good look, Omar has according to the description given to us he is a very good person, you know, in terms of the look, and now also other matters of manners and an attitude, but she is rejecting Him because of what she believes to be his, his attitude, which is the harshness unfortunately this is also misinterpreted in most instances because Omar is not like that was very soft and gentle and leaning to the to the family. Right although he is harsh, but his harshness is restricted to the enemies of Allah subhanaw

00:06:13--> 00:06:31

taala as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam I said, I shall do on my TV that Allah you know that the heart the harshest person for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala in my OMA because Omar or the Allah one that I brought this to establish the fact that a sister can reject a person

00:06:33--> 00:07:13

even if his religion is okay. Even if this person is the son of a prophet, she can reject, you know, if Rasul Allah so my is to look for the Hannover Sister, can she say no, yes, he can say no. And Rasul Allah sama will never force her two men to marry any we had a wife who came to the process a lot. So man, she shows no interest to staying with Ursula lotsa, physically, you know, because she said, I will be leaving. But then some scholars said there was a deception, you know that someday I was somebody told her to say this, you know, I don't want to go into much detail. But she said what those people advise him to say subhanallah enough, losing the marriage and the company of Rasulullah

00:07:13--> 00:07:57

sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So other factors also should be given importance, recognition. But what we're trying to say is the main focus and the basis of the marriage should be religion for us, in addition to those factors of factors, which are matters of interest of the spouse, yeah, so beauty is it shouldn't be the person should marry the person that he is comfortable off of staying with. And that's what the Prophet said last summer to one of the companions when he married, he said, did you look at the one that you marry, he said, he said, No, he said, Go and look at that, for in the AI unit, allows her to share, because there is something in the eyes of balance are the sisters, you

00:07:57--> 00:08:35

know, that belong to the tribe of samsara, in in Medina, has called us put it in the better way, they said, This is not a deficiency is something that might make his interest in automatica stronger, you know, that's the best way of putting it rather than saying that it is a deficiency, which might lead you to rejection of that of that marriage, others the prophets, Allah sama after a Marine, he will not, I mean, advise him to go for for this because it already happened, it is not advisable after somebody already did something, and you will start selling him the deficiency of that thing you will put him into, into into trouble and psychological, you know, thinking which

00:08:35--> 00:08:50

might not benefit him positively at all. So, asides, other factors also to be given recognition, and important, but the focus should be on on the on the deed, and Madison and attitude.

00:08:51--> 00:09:20

She's one of the points that you mentioned, is that of lineage, or the family of the spouse? So there are two points here that I would like to highlight. One is, of course, the compatibility issue. So let's say someone comes from a rich family, and they're marrying into a poor family. So then they will say that they have compatibility issues. That's point 1.2 is an issue. I don't know if it's in every part of the world, but it's there in the subcontinent, where they seem to have taken the tribal

00:09:21--> 00:09:45

way of marriages, or the maybe even to get wholesale from the Hindu religion of that of castes. So like, they have the caste system. Now the Muslims have also something called the sides and the Rockies and this and that, and they would marry only within those say we have to preserve the lineage. So how would we go about with these two things? Yeah. Although nessa is necessary in marriage.

00:09:47--> 00:09:59

There are several studies which are attributed to the Prophet sallallahu selama. But unfortunately, I don't see any one of them to be authentic other than the one that prophets Allah also mentioned, that people usually look

00:10:00--> 00:10:07

into the NASA, one of the bases of marriage in, in our communities is tennis. But

00:10:09--> 00:10:27

Yanni, we can see that the meaning of those hadith is is correct, you know, the meaning should be preserved, when it is mentioned in that weak narration that the prophecy alone is almost entirely Linotype, then

00:10:28--> 00:11:00

the SAS is talking about a person who wants to marry have to be very picky in terms of who the parent of that person are, you know, because this, there are behaviors which are inherited, you know, if the family good inshallah the children that are going to come, they are also going to be good, and the wife also inshallah she's going to be so kind because of the nature of the, of the family, this is a, this is the norm. And at the end of the day, you know, one of the most important thing that

00:11:01--> 00:11:45

a person should be thinking about and should be given, the vast majority of his priority is that you are going to take a company who is supposed to who is going to be the father or the mother of your children. And that's why I've been very picky and selective is really necessary here. But unfortunately, we mostly look at the present, you know, interests. Rather than looking at the future, you know, this sister, this person is going to be the father of my children, and Zahid, we have situations whereby the wife had to run away, you know, to save the children from the Father. And we have situations whereby the husband will never agree to let the children being what he called

00:11:45--> 00:12:29

giving tarbiyah by the by the mother. And these are all the consequences of not opening an eye properly, you know, to make a proper choice, when a person is married, a person we focus on the bat, you focus on some other factors, without remembering that in the future, we will suffer so much in terms of preserving the rights of, of our, of our children. So NASA is necessary to look into the family of the spouse wherever he is, you know, to see whether they're okay, or not. But this one also shouldn't exaggerate. Yeah, we shouldn't exaggerate. Because trust me, there are situations whereby Subhan Allah Allah subhanaw, taala, you frigid him it'll make it the family corrupt, as they

00:12:29--> 00:13:08

say in Arabic ZIFT crafted to lowest level, but Allah smarter brought out of them, somebody who is very dedicated to the religion of the life of the Limonov, even a salute, he has a child of the law, even Abdullah Hypnobabies this one is a companion and this one is I'm gonna turn about when they you know, you can see between the difference between them, it's like the heavens and the earth. If you are going to give your daughter to have the lion even have the lion or even a saloon, and you're going to look at his father, you know, somehow look at that net and mess up a doula Abdullah Al Islam, you know, similar to Abuja, hell, if not, if not a bit higher than Abuja, you know, you're

00:13:08--> 00:13:13

gonna give your daughter to him, you're thinking a lot. But then where does he go?

00:13:14--> 00:13:57

At the end of the day, if nobody's willing to give him his daughter, he went of acting according to His nature looking for the, the means to satisfy his natural, natural desire in the wrong in the illegal, illegal ways. And the same goes to the people who converted to Islam, one of the main obstacle they're facing is who to married, because people are looking at their past, you know, and all of these things that we hear from here, and there's a handler, which have no place in, in, in our religion, you know, and it will become, the reason why we neglect them and re rejected in a way some of them will be thinking of why do I convert to Islam in the community is going to, is going to

00:13:57--> 00:14:36

reject punishment. It's like a punishment for becoming good. Whereas in the time of the prophets, Allah Azza, somebody was even making the Mahara, the Islam of this, of this person, I heard the person who said, there is no sister who will accept Islam, and then at the end of the day, he will marry her will never, ever do. And as well Hamdulillah we still have a lot of millions of brothers who are not having the same mentality as him and also Alhamdulillah those new convert, you know, they don't need him at all. And a person like him actually, if father knows and a sister knows is not a person that should be going for because it shows the level of the arrogance he has. And these

00:14:36--> 00:15:00

are the people Subhan Allah who are making Islam, this is our religion. You have to get our signature for you to accept Islam. If we didn't sign and approve your religion, then you're not doing it correctly. So as what I was trying to say is mess up is necessary to look into the family of your wife to take somebody who is coming from a noble family, because you need this. You know human nature, you're going to have

00:15:00--> 00:15:40

some issues with this house from time to time, you need to have somebody who can come in the middle to bring the tension down. If the family or not those righteous people, they will increase the pressure rather than fixing the problem. But at the same time, as I said, we shouldn't exaggerate. You know, I believe, if you are to take a sister out of the family that are fighting Islam and hijab might be greater, but even the line as though Gela that taken from a family who are not having this, this, this issue, you know, because to extract a sister from that family to give her comfort, you know, where she can practice the religion of Allah swatter comfortably as I believe Allahu Allah is

00:15:40--> 00:16:17

better than getting somebody who doesn't need all of these, what he calls struggle for her to preserve her religion. And the same goes to somebody who recently converted Islam and she's looking Oh, he's looking for somebody to go with. And all of these things, as long as they qualify those two things mentioned by the Prophet sallallahu sallam, I believe it is really a great jihad for somebody to go and go and take them at the time of Rasulullah Salah sama dimension, in the story of that person, God, I guess everyone knows his story, you know, couldn't find somebody to to bury him because of the way he it looks, at least some of the disease of the of the community because if you

00:16:17--> 00:16:51

have that the title and the nickname given to luck have given to a person, you might be depriving others from approaching approaching him. Yeah, he doesn't look good. But there has to be somebody who is okay with the way he looks. But if everyone is making comment, even those who are who are okay, but now they will become not okay because of the comment of, of others. So we really need to be very careful, I see something which I'm not interested in, I'm supposed to keep quiet. If somebody asked for my advice, I keep quiet, I talk about the dean and talk about the manners, but when it comes to the way somebody looks like, if somebody is to ask me, I tell them, This is not my

00:16:51--> 00:17:28

business, you are the one who will be staying with, with them. If you see them to be okay to you, just close your eyes and go don't worry about what other people are going to, to be to be seen a lot smarter, grantors are good. So what I'm trying to say is NASA is necessary lineage is necessary, but we shouldn't exaggerate what you need is to make sure that the family of your wife, the family of your husband, or decent, these are the people that you can reach out to them in case in the future, if there is a tension in the in the marriage, these are the people that you trust, that they will never do anything which is negative that will affect the the marriage itself, they will always

00:17:28--> 00:17:46

serve, you know, the purpose of the marriage, and they will also always help you to have a comfortable life in the marriage rather than doing things which will add meaning to the marriage in, in in nothing other than negative attention to that to that marriage.

00:17:48--> 00:18:07

Alright, check. So right now, we are at a stage where the person is judging this potential spouse on this meter of this heavies that we have. Now that they have judged, and they've asked around, they've gotten some certain information, and they're fine with it. What's the next step? Now? How does the person move forward?

00:18:09--> 00:18:18

towards marriage? How do they reach out to the family or how do they move forward? So after after the verification and the person,

00:18:19--> 00:18:32

any confirm that the dean at the man is okay. And also the NASA to certain extent is okay, of the person that he is going with an age, which I guess

00:18:33--> 00:18:48

we did not talk about it that much. You know which SubhanAllah. In Islam, we don't have AIDS for the marriage, other than the blue, reaching the age of maturity, although every country they have their own laws. But as far as Islam is concerned, we don't have

00:18:50--> 00:19:26

minimum age for marriage other than the blue, because as long as a woman or a man, you know, a boy or girl reach the age of maturity, that shows that they can handle the marriage be the line as a jeweler with the support of the of the family, if the girl has the ability to agree with it, because at the end of the day, she cannot be forced to marry somebody who she doesn't want to marry. And marriage has to take place at the time. She knows what she's doing. If you marry a daughter, the age which she doesn't know what marriage is all about, that's equal to the forced marriage. And then of delay when she grow older. If she doesn't like that person, she has a right to take the case to the

00:19:26--> 00:19:59

court and dissolve that that marriage. So it has to be at the age where she will recognize that she's married and she knows what marriage means. She knows the responsibility of marriage and she agree to that, and then the father can let her do so after all of these had been done. A person finished his own search and he identify the one that he wanted to go to go for. The next step is the istikhara. I guess it's not in our mind, but this is really really necessary after a consult. For instance, learn to marry with

00:20:00--> 00:20:40

And then know where they will consult. And then what is your name again? Zahid or not, but the most important thing is after I have identified the person I want to go with to do all of my consultations with my fellow human beings, friends, you know, and family members, I want to approach the family of these people, what do you think about that, you know, I get all the advices after everything. The next which is the final stage you know, before I move to the next step is to go to a data car. It's a car means you're asking Allah subhanaw taala to choose for you the best, if you look at the DUA itself, is all about

00:20:41--> 00:20:54

confessing that Allah's motto is the knower of the present and the past and the future, you know, and you are asking Allah smarter to choose for you, what is the best for you? Why do we need is Takara?

00:20:56--> 00:21:32

Because I don't know, you know, I know about this person now, but I don't know in the future, is he going to change or he will remain in the way I know him? Is it going to be better? Or he's going to be worse? I don't know. But Allah subhanaw taala knows as Allah smart Allah says, Allah we Alamein to let Alamo. So that's why I'm getting a lot smarter invoke, to choose for me what is better for me in the future, my religion and my future? You know, and this is really necessary because if you don't resort to the istikhara, you might end up regretting, Allah doesn't want you to regret that's where he wants you to come to Him and ask His support and his help and as Colin said, after data,

00:21:32--> 00:22:08

whatever you feel satisfied satisfied of doing then you should just go ahead, no, no dreams or anything, these are all cultural practices of the people you know, might see chiffon coming to you and telling you that this is not good for you, but in reality, it is good. You just follow your satisfaction, the peace of mind if you are okay with it, just go with that inshallah you will not you will not regret. So after this, then you will move to the next step. Check this before that. Would you give us a quick summary of how to do this. So far? The Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam I said whenever one of you has something of importance in his life, the Prophet sallahu wa sallahu

00:22:08--> 00:22:12

alayhi wa sallam said he should go for four days to Hara and what is this did

00:22:13--> 00:22:24

you pray to Ricard if you pray to approve the Torah card and they have to be Sunnah prayer, he cannot do this to Hara well the the way you should do it when you pray the Torah cut of the sooner

00:22:26--> 00:22:39

any sort to recap of the sooner and then at the end of the prayer, preferably you do it before you see the salon after you finish this childhood. And then you come to the DUA mentioned by the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam

00:22:40--> 00:23:18

along with the structural Cobell MC was stuck at zero credit quadratic Grace alchemy further cloudy fate nakshatra deal with a credit memo that went along with William Allahumma and Quinta Tala. So after me mentioning all of these praises to Allah subhanaw taala and then you ask Allah subhanaw taala Sr, Allah if you know this is good for me for my religion and my life and my future yeah Allah make it happen. So you mentioned the thing you are looking for looking for marriage convention the name of that particular person yeah life you know, that my marriage to so and so and so person is good for me my life and my religion in my future. Yeah, Allah let it happen, that make it easy for

00:23:18--> 00:23:54

me and put Baraka in it. And also had Allah series of, you know, Subhan Allah wisdom, found in this hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and then you move forward and say Allah Inquisitor, Allah, if you know that this is not good for me, not good for my religion, not good for my life not good for my future here Allah do not let it happen. And the Allah turned my my thinking away from it. And yeah, Allah replace it with something that is better, better for me and inshallah if a person does this, he will never you will never regret as I said after it, you just have to follow whatever you feel satisfied of doing and inshallah you will not, you will not regret the addition in the DUA

00:23:54--> 00:24:03

that's coming from the seeker side, if they don't know how to we can do it in their own monitor, I will prefer if a person doesn't know the Arabic language to write it down,

00:24:04--> 00:24:39

write it down, write it down. And I mean, ask your friends I want to do this and that how do I say it in writing, but they reach that place they can look at their paper and read whatever they want wo KB the law has origin or they take another version of the Sahara or another opinion on when to do the Sahara. So they print the tour account this time around they say the salon first and then they do the DA in the language of data memorize the Arabic Arabic because they already finished a prayer they say the salah first to get out of the controversy of the scholars and the make the dua after after the prayer.

00:24:40--> 00:24:59

So the timing of the Sahara that you mentioning is after a person has done all their consultation just come to a close statements that's the bestest callers who suggested this they said it is not appropriate after consulting a lot smarter to go to somebody else. Any any even pass also when you know that

00:25:00--> 00:25:37

Yes, he asked, and then he going to ask another person you feel, you feel that he's not satisfied with what you say. Although Allah Hill method added last month, the best example belongs to Allah subhanaw taala. But this caller said it is not part of the atom. After you ask Allah smarter, and then you go and ask other people, that's why they said You should finish all of your consultations. And then after that, you come to have the final, you know, approach of it. And then you go and ask Allah smarter to choose for you that the best. And when you did once, you don't do it again, unless if you still have the doubt, you're still not sure, the more doubts you have, the more you do the

00:25:38--> 00:26:22

Sahara. So it could be repeated as long as it exists. Yeah. And there's now a person has done this Hara, and they move forward, they're not going to get any feelings or tingling or anything of that sort happening. They move forward with the decision. Now how do they approach the family? The best, Allahu Allah, I believe the best is not to talk to the doctor to God, the best if it is possible, he can reach the family to reach them first. After he identify the person who he wants him to be the the she wants, he wants her to be the mother of his children, the next step is to look for the family to ask for their permission first, then go to to the to the girl afterwards. The reason why I

00:26:22--> 00:26:36

always proposed this because sometimes we see this evil thing taking place in, in our communities whereby the wife, I'm sorry, the girl ran away together with with the boy recreates a lot, because sometimes the boy might have

00:26:37--> 00:26:44

good communication. And I call it good because the girls agree. You know, and he also agreed, but at the end of the day, the parent will not agree.

00:26:45--> 00:27:24

The parents will not agree. Yeah. And it's become an issue fighting the battle between the girls and the family. And at the end of the day, they might insist, you know, and if they're not righteous, sometimes they run away, you know, from that from the family. And sometimes you just go and ignore and go and look for somebody to arrange the marriage, in which I believe if he is to contact the parent first, if the parents are not happy with him, they will tell him no, do not do so he already knows that the family are not going to accept him. So the girl did not even know know about him. I know a person who Subhanallah XYY this this girl, they asked her Do you know so on? So she said,

00:27:25--> 00:27:35

Yes, I know him. And he doesn't know. But she said she knows him because she heard about him in the community, always people talking about about him. So she knows him

00:27:37--> 00:27:46

so much, because the community always mentioned in good about him. So he asked her if this person is to be your husband? Would you agree with that? She said yes.

00:27:47--> 00:28:26

And subhanAllah she used to cry when the parents said that we don't know this person. And he never come to us. And we didn't know him that much, please, there is somebody who approached you. Why can't you just accept this, she used to cry for somebody who never talked to her. And he did not even approach her and tell her I want you to be my wife, but somebody is asking her if he is to propose Would you accept, she used to cry literally crying, fighting the parent that she doesn't want to marry anyone except this person. Imagine if the person already approached her. And she sees him better than the way she is expected. You can imagine the back battle that will be in that house

00:28:26--> 00:28:28

if the parent is to reject.

00:28:29--> 00:29:15

So that's why it is always better to cool down our interest to start with the family first, before we start with the the girls in the way it will be very easy for us to cancel the proposal, if the family are not happy with us without even notifying the girl she doesn't even know about about us contrary to that, if, if we do it straightforward, she knows us and she accept and the family didn't like it, it will create a lot of problems. So this is to I mean, restricted to the one that the access to the family is possible. But sometimes the access to the family is not possible. This case a person can approach a sister through a friend friends to ask her permission, you know, talk about

00:29:15--> 00:29:56

himself and so on. So person if she agrees, and then the process of looking for how to reach the family should take place. But I really and totally disagree with anyone who will create a relationship, you know, with a goal without informing the Oracle the parent of the question here and this happens at times like people, let's say they were in a relationship before and then they started practicing. They became good. So they're like, Okay, we're gonna stop things for a bit. And then eventually let's after we graduate or if we get a certain financial condition, we will get married. But now at this point, the family say no, we're going to get married somewhere else or the

00:29:56--> 00:29:58

boy doesn't have that financial

00:29:59--> 00:30:00


00:30:00--> 00:30:08

It is. And then everything breaks apart. How do we tell to the people like, Okay, you want it to be good? Or not things are not working out.

00:30:09--> 00:30:18

That's, that's better for them actually. Yeah, that's better for them. And in this case, I have practical examples of this. You know, I remember

00:30:19--> 00:30:25

two boys that I met, I found them just like they were students, both of them, I found them in the classroom.

00:30:26--> 00:30:55

They never thought somebody to come at that time. And I try my best to be good to the to the students. So my so my relationship with them is, is Alhamdulillah. quite excellent. So I know, none of them will be happy to let me see him doing things like this. So just get into the classrooms of the school, the home time they call it right. And I found them in the in the classroom alone. They're not doing things in a bad way, other than sitting down talking to each other.

00:30:56--> 00:31:39

When I see it, as I know, that I see from their face, like they were really shocked, because they never expected and that I will be the one who will catch them. I'm the last person I think in their in their mind, you know, but alas, Porter brought me at that, at that time. And I believe for their own benefit. Smart Allah. I, I smile. I told them Come, let's go to the office. I know they have a lot of thoughts, you know, what is he going to do? Knowing the fact that I'm part of the discipline, disciplinary committee, you know, in the school? I told them, I said, Listen, to be honest with you. I'm not against marriage. And actually, I'm for it. If you're ready, I'm willing to talk to your

00:31:39--> 00:32:02

parents about the marriage. And I'm not joking. They are so happy because they thought I will be opposing. I said, I'm really happy. And actually, I'm happy to see that. It that. Yes, there are two people who are interested in marrying each other. And I guess this is what brought you to this place this year, you know, so they were so happy with the approach. I told them, but you should make it correct.

00:32:03--> 00:32:14

So they asked me how to make it correct. I told them this relationship that you're having is not going to end with any good thing you're going to regret in the future is not good for you actually,

00:32:15--> 00:32:19

to be honest with you that that was the end of the meeting.

00:32:20--> 00:32:36

Meaning they never met again. But the the interest to marry each other remain. I remember one day I came, I met the boy. And he told me he said, he said says this girl sent me a ring.

00:32:38--> 00:32:44

What do you think about it? I said throw it away. While I still remember. Remember the time he took

00:32:49--> 00:33:32

I still remember the time he took it on he threw it far away, you know, they remain separated. But the interest is, is there to marry. So they don't meet the way they used to meet. But they kept the interest to marry. It doesn't entertain that conversation, that long chocolate meeting that they used to have Subhanallah and they were tested. The mother hates that marriage. She cries always the mother of the son. Whenever he talks about the marriage. She cried, she cried. Because of the barrier. She says you want to accent? Yeah, because one of them I don't want to mention the country because you might be able to trace the person, you know, because she's from this country and the

00:33:32--> 00:33:37

girl is from another country. Different countries is like between the heavens and

00:33:38--> 00:34:20

and she doesn't want and the boy wants and the girl wants. So he always asked me what to do. I always tell him, patients, maximize your patient. Do not fight your family. Don't fight your mother resist, but smile at the same time. If she cries just leave her alone. And subhanAllah he was also very kind in in this and he took that advice properly. Whenever he talks about the man she cries he will leave Hello. So hello, Zahid. They stay like that the girl was patient, he was patient until the time that day comes in what happened, which why the mother got the boys talk to her. She smiled for the first time he came rushing to me to tell me that that is a good news as what is that he told

00:34:20--> 00:34:59

me that his mother smiled when he talked to her about married this this girl, you know Subhanallah I witnessed the time. I am part of that, that that marriage, the mother agree, you know all of those patriots was was gone. So that's why I said I have a practical example that if they do it correctly, you know they're not losing. It's always a win win situation. They have to maximize their patience but even ally as a region, the time will come where by the family will will will come down and let them go and get married. Although there are circumstances where Subhanallah like the mother didn't agree. Yeah, there are circumstances where

00:35:00--> 00:35:28

Recently I received a case which is very painful very recently, actually, not not, not even a week ago, that a girl has been forced to marry somebody who she doesn't know, and she doesn't like, And subhanAllah all types of men, you know, we have done this to you, we have do this to you, we have given you this, this and that you must Hala, I never heard of this, that parents and siblings and family are telling the girls because we did this, this, this and that you have to accept

00:35:29--> 00:36:08

souhan, Allah Subhana Allah, and she says she doesn't know about this, this person or she doesn't want that, that marriage, and it reaches the physical, you know, hurt also, you know, they're harming her physically, just because they want to accept somebody who she doesn't like, and she has another person which she, she, she she wanted. So I asked, is there anyone in the in the family to support, she said, No, all the family because of the culture, and I guess you're, you know, what I'm, what kind of culture I'm referring to the family, nobody supported in the family. And most likely the immediate people in the community, also, nobody is supporting. But luckily, they are

00:36:08--> 00:36:46

living in a place where the vast majority of the people are not taken from that culture. My advice to her is to look into the community to get anyone who is responsible person and respected person in that community to go and talk to him, who can come on, approach the family and sit with them, and invite his family also to come and have a very serious, certainly a very humble way, which Inshallah, and with good results, you know, the maximum they will do, instead, they will just tell her, Okay, this is our choice. But since you choose something else, and because of the image of that person, they might not be able to say no to her after, after, after that. So I believe it could be a

00:36:46--> 00:36:52

test, which I believe if the family is still insistent to reject the marriage,

00:36:53--> 00:37:34

it is better for the boy to stay away from it and the girl to stay away from it. Look for other alternatives. You know, although the father doesn't have a right to force the girl to marry somebody who she doesn't want, but at the same time, if they don't want to agree with the marriage, I will advise the girl to stay away from from it. That's why last time I was talking about the five pillars in marriage, you know, which I advise that if any one of them is missing, a person shouldn't shouldn't have that marriage, these pillars is none other than the parent, the two parents of the of the girl, the two parents of the of the of the boy did this one pillar, or no, these are, each one

00:37:34--> 00:38:16

of them is counted is counted as a pillar, right? Our pillars on the mother era, because each one of them is acting separately, the mother of the wife, the mother or the father of the wife, the wealth of your father and your mother, and the girl herself. Any one of them that has objection to that marriage, I will really advise a person not to go for that marriage, starting with your family, I guess nobody will be happy to bring a go to his father and his mother that doesn't want to see her, she will not feel comfortable. And you also you will not relax, your mother doesn't want to see her Your father didn't want to meet her life is going to be terrible to her And subhanAllah I believe it

00:38:16--> 00:38:55

will affect negatively your marriage to that because she doesn't feel comfortable. And she might end up having, you know, subhanAllah, that kind of hostility against the parent, which will affect your relationship, because at the end of the day, they are your parents, you will never accept any kind of disrespect. And she's referring to the disrespect that she might be seen from them to act in the same way. And you will not agree with that. Because these are parents whatever the case might be. And you might be the defendant, your parents, you know, rather than the defendant, but the truth. So these are your parents, when they when they don't like especially when the mother doesn't like it is

00:38:55--> 00:39:33

going to be really terrible. Especially when the mother doesn't like it. And if her mother doesn't like it, and trust me that marriage most likely will never succeed. That because the mother will know how to push the daughter needs to have a lot to do things which will affect the marriage. At the end of the day, you will not enjoy staying staying with her. And you also you will not be happy to visit your mother in law. And you know, she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to see you. And if her father is not happy with that marriage, and he Islamically also there is a certain issue with with that with that marriage. And on top of all is the interest of the girl in the marriage. This

00:39:33--> 00:39:59

one I put it on top of a person shouldn't marry a girl that doesn't want to stay with people die because I mean because of this. Yeah. Anyway, you're going to submit your life to somebody you sleep next to her, you know, and you trust her in the food she has given you. And we have synesthesia and we have cases whereby a person lost his life because of this. She hates she doesn't like at the end of the day. She doesn't feel Allah subhanaw taala she poisoned that man she does things which

00:40:00--> 00:40:39

are not acceptable, that not just Islamically but Aquila, logically also cannot be be accepted. But she, she does them as a revenge against him because he agreed to go with her. And she told them she doesn't want to stay with with him and imagine, why would you agree to stay with a girl who says no, I like, it doesn't make sense at all to me, although we do have people, which I personally, I did not know that person, but I know a marriage, you know, that a woman even told the person that I don't want to marry you, she told them you are half is to tell a lie as though God memorized the Quran. You know, I don't want you as my husband. And, you know, I didn't like this marriage. And so

00:40:39--> 00:40:50

how do I guess? What was the response from him? He challenges and he said, he said no, he's if he said that he can, she might understand that. But he said, you have to, you have no option, except to go with me.

00:40:52--> 00:41:16

And I don't know, what will be the definition of slavery, if this one is not going to be used as the definition of a slave because he's gonna be taken to, to somebody who is going to act as her as a master. And this is absolutely wrong, there will be no good in life, she will be just slaving. Although in those families also smile, like a woman is just like, like asleep. I know.

00:41:17--> 00:41:56

Some of my students who have their parents are getting involved in their affairs, you know, even after the marriage, imagine even what to cook in the house, the mother of the husband has to dictate to the wife what to cook in the house, there are people who I know they cannot go out of the house, they married they have children without the permission of their parent, that kind of life we are suffering from so starting from the marriage itself, you have to marry somebody who you don't like but you have to go for it. And after the marriage also, you are still treated as a little tiny kid in the presence of your of your parent. So all of these cultures, you know, they have no connection

00:41:56--> 00:42:14

to Islam whatsoever, whatsoever. It's like we want to respect but at the same time there's an abuse of that power. Of course, it's It's always like that. Only few instances in those kind of environment where Subhanallah a person is putting Islam first before the culture

00:42:15--> 00:42:38

trigger another question that you would get around the same topic is going back to as the hara or people would say that okay, we did this the hara for certain thing, we went ahead with marriage. And then you find out that the person was abused or the marriage didn't work out properly, then this evil guy did is to hurt I went forward then why did things turn out wrong? What what went wrong? Two things either the Sahara was not done properly.

00:42:39--> 00:43:19

Because when you approach a lot, you have to make sure that you are approaching him properly with full of consciousness. And when you say Allah, I want you to choose for me You shouldn't have doubt in that. We go to test Allah, we go with doubt. And all of these things doesn't have to do in any way. You have to free your your mind and your heart from anything. They just now before Allah has to ask him to choose for you what is better for you. According to the way Allah smart Allah sees it, not according to the way I see it. Allah says perhaps you might reject something, but it is good for you. And you might accept something but it is evil for you. Allahu Allah, Allah, Allah knows, but

00:43:19--> 00:43:48

you don't, you don't know. So that trust must be there and I have to be sincere in my trust to Allah subhanho wa Taala in sha Allah, that is the hara will never fail in lahars mission, in case this happened in in my first blame is the way the person is doing the Sahara. But in case the person is very honest. And after that he found that person to be the opposite. I never understand this to be a failure, it is not a failure. It's succeeded, actually.

00:43:49--> 00:44:30

Yeah, because Allah subhanaw taala sometimes teaches you lesson, but letting you cross some bridge first. And the way after that you become an expert. Subhanallah in terms of giving people advice on what to do when these things happen. That's why people have consciousness when they marry and they fail in that marriage. When it comes to the second marriage come and see them. They're very picky and particular things that they don't consider. But now they know exactly what to do. And they understand why scholars are emphasizing on this. And they understand that that compromise that they used to have is wrong in a decision they made which is the reason why they fell into into this

00:44:30--> 00:44:42

situation. So it might be a test from Allah smart. Allah someone to want you to learn a lesson, which you might not get it unless if you go through this assistance to Allah is going to let you to pass through it for you to see negative people in the Battle of

00:44:43--> 00:44:49

Allah subhanaw taala you know decreed that something is going to happen. they disobeyed the prophets, Allah Salam.

00:44:50--> 00:44:59

This is the best way to learn a lesson. You know, because the one that disobedience happened, we lost 70 people amongst the companions of the prophets, Allah azza wa jal

00:45:00--> 00:45:34

is too much for the Obamas Allah, Allah salah, and so many people are injured and the prophets Allah, it's almost almost going to be killed. You know, many things happen during that battle. This is to tell the Muslim that following the dunya, which will end up having a person disobeying Rasul Allah. So Allah is the source of all all evils. So sometimes you might marry a person thinking that everything is going to be good, because you have done your istikhara. And then you see something that you call failure, I didn't call it a failure, as long as you did the Sahara correctly, is always a win win situation. And last martyr wants you to learn certain lessons that will become the

00:45:34--> 00:46:09

best example of others and to yourself also, which will make you take all kinds of precautions in in the future, and our person after he lost the first marriage, you know, subhanAllah, and when it comes to the second marriage, he was very, very, very picky in that, in that second marriage, and he used to tell me, I understand why religion matters in marriage, you know, he always tells me, I understand why religion, I mean, matters in a marriage, why manners and good behavior matters in a marriage, he said before, I did not pay that much attention on it, most of my attention was on physical

00:46:10--> 00:46:51

look of of that person in you, but at the end of the day, I kind of regret it, because no matter how much a bid for is a person, that I trust me, after the marriage, you know, just give it a short period of time that VT is not going to be seen by that person, it will be seen by others, but that partner will not see it in the way other people see in it, I recall an issue, you know, subhanAllah, that very, very, very critical situation, you might not be able to understand why this woman is getting into trouble, why this woman is getting shot. But regardless of the btn, whatever she has, the husband doesn't see it, she went through difficulties which you won't believe that there are

00:46:51--> 00:47:16

people who are supposed to be scholars in the community, cursing her curse, literally cursing her, and making her just like a toy, you know, and why they couldn't see this beauty, which will be depriving them, you know, and given her, you know, privilege to receive all kinds of kindness from others. So that's why focusing on BT can cause the person to regret in, in the in the future. That's why the scholar said,

00:47:17--> 00:47:50

the real beauty is the beauty of the religion, and it is the only beauty that will not fizzle, other VTEs will go across the time you will lose them. But the beauty of the religion as long as the person is still doing is that will help him to cover the deficiency that the partner is going to have in in the future and then inshallah The marriage will last or last last longer, Allah going back to our discussion on choosing or approaching a potential spouse. So we've mentioned that the person needs to reach out to the family first. And that's the best option.

00:47:52--> 00:48:09

Now, let's say the family is involved, and they have put together a kind of meeting between these people. What kind of questions should these potentials for spouses ask each other? Or what should they inquire about that they should know? That this is the bare minimum about the person they want to get married?

00:48:10--> 00:48:30

If the person already see the wife, he already saw the wife before, I'm sorry that the girl that he a future wife that he wanted to marry, he saw her before and he is satisfied with the way she looks for me how anamod hamdulillah and if he did not manage to see him, then when he meets the parent, he should focus on this.

00:48:31--> 00:49:02

You know, because it should be an elements that will help him in making a decision, you know, after the conversation, everything, whether he gives them a positive reply or negative reply. So he has to see and as Colin said, we're human another, he focused so much, and he's not doing something wrong in in, that's why she should come prepared. She shouldn't come and take off her niqab. If she's wearing the taking of the niqab in in His presence. She comes without without the cup and sit in a place

00:49:03--> 00:49:05

without niqab. Yeah, because it

00:49:06--> 00:49:07


00:49:08--> 00:49:51

mean it doesn't sound nice when he is coming and she's uncovering the face you should come ready in the place and the person should come and look at him and he has a valid you know, right and legal permission by the Sharia, for him to look at what can you invite him to marry that that person and usually he is only allowed to look at the face and the hands and the feet and whatever is culturally uncovered if it is not covered at that time. She shouldn't come uncovering her shoulder and covering her head she shouldn't do that. But in case accidentally he sees some of those he will not be sinning inshallah in the eyes of as of the Sharia, but she shouldn't come to that person and

00:49:51--> 00:50:00

covering her hair and covering her shoulder and covering her hands. She shouldn't do that. Yeah, so what she should uncover is the feet and the hair.

00:50:00--> 00:50:37

And the hand after the the wrist and the face. Also, the scholars have their own justification why specifically? Yeah, they have, you know, I'm just mentioning this, this is what they say. They said, because the beauty is represented by by the face, okay, everyone, I think should agree with that. Because if I tell a person called Kareem, this woman is the most beautiful person that you can ever see in your life, he will never go and look at her feet, you will look at the face to see whether I'm speaking the truth or, or not. So when is he when that person is handsome or beautiful, you look at the face, right. And for the hand, they said, this shows, yeah, according to the statement of the

00:50:37--> 00:50:55

scholars, this shows how harsh is the the softness of the body, although it doesn't touch but the nature of the hand according to what they mentioned, and I'm just paraphrasing them and the feet shows how smooth is the is the body in all of these things a person might see them to be so silly, but

00:50:56--> 00:51:32

as far as human nature is concerned, people are really particular on these matters. And they will make a lot in the, in the medical safety of the of the American in the future. Because the end of the day, a person is looking for a person that will satisfy his exam, rather than stretching his eyes to look at other things which are haram, you need to have somebody that can restrict him to that which is which is halal. So all of these matters discussed by the scholars. The fact is that God should be recognized and, and observed. So that's, that's the so after this, then what kind of things should be to be discussed?

00:51:33--> 00:51:34

I believe

00:51:35--> 00:51:47

it should be the sixth to the to the necessities. If you're talking about talking to the family, it should be restricted to the necessities as a father, I will ask, you know about

00:51:49--> 00:52:28

that his future plans, you know, and also his possibility to take care of my daughter, the general general financial check. Honestly speaking, I don't pay that much attention on it. Because anything can happen after the marriage. The most important thing that you need to know is that he is financially capable, that capability means he can accommodate he can accommodate my daughter, he has a place to accommodate her. And also he can have something even though it has little to pay for the food you know, they can eat and that's more than more than enough as for things which are extra, which are extra, I believe.

00:52:30--> 00:52:41

Allah subhanaw taala can make the change at any any time as the prophet as Allah Subhana. Allah says in your corner for caught up, you will him Allah Who mean infinitely. But what I think is important here is the Amana issue.

00:52:42--> 00:53:08

Are you willing to take my daughter as a manner that you hand which you are responsible to Allah smarter? First and foremost, not only me, but you're Are you willing to take care of my daughter, and fear Allah subhanaw taala in your responsibility, or no, that should be the focus, which I know he might change, but at least I'm satisfied, because I have his word that he will be taken care of, I have my daughter in the way she should be. What equal.

00:53:10--> 00:53:47

I mean, she she deserves, you know, rather than focusing on wealth, and for focusing on the kind of life he is good to have have with her, all of these might push him to have, you know, false promises, which he will not be able to fulfill in the in the future, I believe talking to the general way is always better, you know, linking the issue to Allah subhanho wa taala, because I will never follow my, my, my daughter to her home, he's going to live with her. So it's better for me to link him with Allah smarter, who watch and monitor him in every thing he does, he does at home. So I believe the discussion should be very general. And also talking about his interest in the marriage.

00:53:47--> 00:54:13

He's serious or not, you know, if you see them, it shouldn't be taken that long time. Unless if he says he's not financially capable of marriage right now. And I give another fixed time, then we go further. So a very general conversation about the decision of when to have the marriage, and who is he going to be after the marriage? I believe this is more than enough rather than going into too much detail about his job, what kind of job he has, and what is

00:54:17--> 00:54:56

that one might be also good and correct, because rather than putting your daughter under the custody of somebody who is not stable in terms of the place where he stays, in a way, she faces a lot of problems, he faced a problem, she faced a lot of problem, we can support and help him to fix his status first, and then come and have the marriage in a very peaceful way. So this was the discussion between let's say, the potential groom and the family of the bride. What about questions or a discussion between the two potential spouses themselves? The same also should be very general, because as I said earlier, it is almost impossible for him to understand and he the true picture of

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

this example. So if your questions that you would recommend asking

00:55:00--> 00:55:10

Um, before the marriage, I mean, when they are doing anytime, just before the marriage right? I will advise to focus on her interest in accepting him.

00:55:11--> 00:55:18

Is it okay for him to propose? Is she okay with going with? And that's more than enough, you know? And when do you want this marriage to happen?

00:55:20--> 00:55:33

I will never agree and advise somebody to go and ask, What do you want in the marriage? And how do you want the marriage to take place, I will advise them to focus on her interest in married him. And his interest in married.

00:55:35--> 00:55:48

Other matters can be discussed after the after the marriage. Because if they get to meet each other based on those principles, you know, laid down by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam even like, as a jeweler to make

00:55:49--> 00:56:19

agreement, you know, on how life should be between them. You know, it's much easier, because at the end of the day, I believe parents shouldn't be involved in our marriage, friendship shouldn't be involved in our marriage, husband and wife should sit down and design the way they want to live, without the influence of anyone, which, unfortunately, most instances is not is not taking place, we bring others to our house. That's why all marriages is failing. Because what was good, somebody might not work with with you. So you sit down

00:56:20--> 00:56:36

and talk to your wife about the kind of life you want to want to have that first night you're going to you're going to meet after marriage. Yeah, that's after marriage, but before the marriage, I believe, general, you know, speeches should take place. Do you agree with me?

00:56:37--> 00:56:43

And also, are you ready for marriage? You know, that's, yeah, the rest

00:56:44--> 00:56:54

is all about discussion between you and the parent, because he might not be able to discuss the issue of the MMA. You know, but you do have that discussion with, with the fact

00:56:55--> 00:57:43

that as you're moving on to the next question, which would be then of mahal itself, what is the appropriate amount of MMA today? No, no limitation for that the person can can make it as much as he wish. And he can make it as low as he wishes, as long as the thing he is given has value in the community. So it, it has minimum based on value, but it doesn't have maximum he can pay for them out 60 trillion dinar, Kuwaiti, you know, add another conversion in dollars, but he can pay for that, that mouth. And it's okay. If a person agrees to pay, and this is what the family or the girl is requesting that he wants to pay is okay. But is it advisable? No, there is something called right.

00:57:44--> 00:58:27

And that is advice also at the same time you write might not be advisable she can take whatever she wants, it's up to her to decide what does she want as her MA, but is it advisable for a girl to make it so expensive? No, it is not. No, it is not because she will be acting like like the product. And the tolerance of the husband is going to be at the minimum after a few days for I mean, a few days after, after the marriage. So it should be something reasonable, and they shouldn't burden the the boy because you will never forget, you'll never forget this. And as I said it might have a negative effect in the in the marriage. So switch, it should be something that the husband will appreciate

00:58:27--> 00:58:34

it. And the wife also will will appreciate it. And they shouldn't base base their life on

00:58:35--> 00:59:15

evil thoughts and pessimism, which most of our managers nowadays based on past been, you know Subhanallah pessimistic you know whereby the father is increasing the Maha in case if there is a divorce, you know, so how Allah rasool Allah so McKenna who will fall Why can't you who's good? Why can't you expect the good? Why can't you give your daughter to somebody that you hope inshallah Only death can separate between him and and your daughter? Why do you start thinking of this, you know, from the very beginning, that means you agree to take any anybody anyhow, because you're looking for the money. And that money, no matter how much big is that money? You know, how long does it take,

00:59:15--> 00:59:54

you know, to sustain the wife after, after, after the marriage. Never see any application for that, you know, as soon as an end and finish and then she goes back to the to the normal to the normal life. So the person shouldn't think about what will happen in the future. Maybe she'll be divorced and she needs this money. No, he should always think about giving his daughter to somebody who is honest, and who can preserve her right. And honor and dignity. And as such, the decision about how big is the Mahara shouldn't be a base on the future of the of the wife. We want her to have lots of savings. No, this is absolutely absolutely wrong. Give her to a righteous person. She will be rich,

00:59:55--> 00:59:59

and what she needs is His righteousness. Money will never take her to to happiness.

01:00:00--> 01:00:43

In the presence or in the, in the future, Allah Allah, can we say that there is a certain benchmark for Mahara? Like, looking at the society that this is the common Mahara that a woman receives in her community or in her family? Let's say one sister receives 10,000 records, but other sisters receiving only 2000? Would that be an issue? Or do we say okay, the society in general gives 6000 or 5000 records. So we take that as the average man, changing the culture is very difficult. But Islam remains a ways that is always recommended that we should make the mark as long as we can. But cultural practices of the people, as long as they're not going against the Sharia, we live them in

01:00:43--> 01:01:24

the way they are, but at the same time, we are advised to follow what is dictated to us by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and their self. So, it is always recommended the demand should be at the very low level, the very low level and, and the cultures we live in whether the culture is like this or not, you know, the statements that we hear nowadays, that my daughter have to receive this amount of money, because this is a culture in the, in the in the in the in the country, this is very wrong, is very wrong. Nobody says you have to follow the culture, knowing that this culture is not good to the, to the community in some places without mentioning the name, you

01:01:24--> 01:02:01

know, the exaggeration is there. And people are not able to marry because of that exaggeration. You might see a person having one or two cars but cannot afford a marriage. Why can he afford marriage because the man is too much. And subhanAllah, as one of my scholars said, when they told him that somebody married, and the man I don't know, whether it's 150,000, he said, I'm not concerned about this 150,000 I'm more concerned about what comes after the marriage. So looking at the consequences of marriages in the community. He said I'm more concerned about what comes after, after the marriage. You know, subhanAllah is a very good way of thinking. He said, I'm not concerned about the

01:02:01--> 01:02:12

Maha, but I'm more concerned about what is coming after, after the marriage. I was in one of my classes, when I was studying the Islamic political science in Medina,

01:02:13--> 01:02:23

shackle he, you know, he was telling us that he visited you know, his friend in the in the court and the friend was the one who was in charge of stamping the marriages you know,

01:02:24--> 01:03:04

that person should always be smiling, you know, Baraka hola hola ko Baraka, Allah, Kojima. benaco, Murphy fire. He said, unfortunately, my friend was tamping the marriage certificate in a very angry, angry mood. You know, he was so sad to stamp the marriage certificate. So I was wondering, What's wrong with him? You know, maybe he has some issues before he comes to the office. So after they left, you know, he says around 14 of them, you know, they're sitting on the on the table, and he was just chopping without even talking to people that much. He said, I asked, Why aren't you happy? Salah. He said he replied me. He said, Why would I be happy?

01:03:05--> 01:03:21

He said, My experience in this place is that many of these people, you know, after the marriage a few days, they come back to me with another certificate cancellation of marriage. So why would I be happy with it. And so Allah this is the result of exaggeration in marriage.

01:03:22--> 01:03:56

I blame exaggeration of marriage, whereby we make it so expensive. And the way the husband just wanted the marriage to happen. After a few days, he doesn't see that beauty that he sees in, in the world because of the amount of the money that he too much paid, you know, and he has become an intellect. You know, he says about how deficient one after that. He cannot tolerate any mistake that will come from her at the end of the day. He just goes and he doesn't care. He doesn't care because he knows that he can just say pay to marry another, another person just like that. So I believe it's wrong to follow the culture.

01:03:57--> 01:04:37

If the culture is not doing the right thing. Yeah. Che Omar filata according to what somebody that wasn't there, but somebody said he was one saying that we inform the government that the government should, I mean, really, really interfere and convince the community to reduce the amount of them but they're not willing to I think we have Mahara specified by each state. Like somebody has 300 Sometimes it's 500. But then of course, you have people who come and say this is a murder, but we want some gifts gift Other than that, that's in every country actually, as long as there is a must have in the country, that is the minimum thermo dinner or whatever they want to mention, but there

01:04:37--> 01:04:40

is that minimum is there. But what makes it

01:04:42--> 01:04:59

you know, good is that usually, no government is imposing that the man has to be like this, at the bar has to be like this, but this is what is supposed to be the MaHA but if they go on I agree. And in some situations, the family they keep it us, for instance, 20,000 ringgit, yeah

01:05:00--> 01:05:26

I'm officially rich, but between the husband and the family is maybe 1000. But officially is the rest. I would just call it gift fine. We don't want to accept this. But since the system will not accept less than 20,000, right 20,000. But what is he giving her she says she doesn't want anything. And this is how right Allah subhanaw taala says when tibula Comanche min Olafson for Kulu hernia, but yeah, your wife after the marriage, she decided to

01:05:28--> 01:06:09

give up the Mahara and give it back to the husband This is absolute right. But at first we have to mention the MAR, he has to pass it to her but later on, she wants to give him a discount 100% or 99%. This is absolutely up to her. So in the system for the system to accommodate the marriage, the right where the system agree with, but between them, they they know, why are they married each other is not about the money. So she cut down the MaHA to a level which the husband will appreciate it and Subhanallah it has a great impact in that in that marriage. And trust me if this husband is not shaytan, he will always remember this. He will always remember this moment. So moving forward from

01:06:09--> 01:06:38

this, the next question would be what is the correct time to hand over this matter? Because sometimes they said at the time the Nikkei itself, someone said before the time of the Nikka, or at times, let's say the financial condition is not okay, for the groom. They just delayed indefinitely for a few years, then I'll pay it after 10 years. So how do we navigate the timing of the MaHA? Yeah, it becomes a responsibility and a burden, you know, on the shoulder of the husband, right after that,

01:06:39--> 01:07:16

of course, is a debt, he has to pay that unless if the wife forgives, even if he dies before her, they have this truck, that amount of the model and give it to her and then we go for the distribution of the of the estate. So it becomes his responsibility to pay that ma so they were announcing in the marriage and Marie knew my daughter at the MaHA Roca, aka the amount of the marriage this and that, and whether he pays right now, or the agreement between them that he's going to pay it after, after afterwards or sometimes he plays something more comfortable and currently is going to pay another amount, you know, to complete them are in the future according to whatever they

01:07:16--> 01:07:28

they agreed upon. He can pay it before they occur, but it will become his responsibility after after the marriage and it is loan and a debt on his shoulder which he has to pay.

01:07:29--> 01:07:35

Even after the divorce, let's say they're married and they get to divorce each other but he did not pay that he has to pay

01:07:36--> 01:07:38

even after the divorce he has to pay that

01:07:41--> 01:08:05

I think would be a good time to stop. So inshallah we will continue our series on salvia in our next series of videos. Until then, just a handshake for taking the time to be here with us today. For our man inshallah we'd like to thank everyone for tuning in and we would welcome you all to join us in our next setting Inshallah, just like Milan, Santa Monica want to log in