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Keys to Prophetic Parenting – Key #05 Friendships

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Ibrahim Hindy

Channel: Ibrahim Hindy

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In a famous Hadith our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam give us the example of two companions, two friends, he said in the method with Jedi suicided with Jedi su kehamilan misc when ethically Q. He said that the example or the parable of a good companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying Musk, or the one who's blowing a pair of bellows carrying musk means transporting, holding selling musk perfumes colognes beautiful sense. Blowing bellows the bellow is a large instrument kind of looks like an accordion, which blows air on heated metals and irons to remove impurities while it's hot. Essentially, it is the work of a blacksmith who's surrounded by hot iron, fire

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bitter smoke and it creates a foul stench. The Prophet sallallahu wasallam tells you the example of a good friend and a bad friend are these two people, the prophet continues. So the one who's carrying musk who's carrying good sense, he will either give you some perfume as a present or or you will buy some from him or you will get a good smell that rubs off on you. And the one who was blowing a pair of bellows, either there will be fire sparks that will burn your clothes, or you will get a bad smell from him. The Prophet is saying your peers, your companions, your associates are going to rub off on you. In this example, at minimum their scent will rub off on you. In reality at

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minimum, their thoughts, their passions, their hopes, their dreams, their methods, their behaviors will rub off on you and influence you and your thoughts and your behaviors in one direction or another and realize this hadith is addressing everyone, old and young. And our religion has emphasized the importance of friends, peers and companions. Allah Subhana Allah says Allah Allah, we all may even barbu Nirvana do nothing. He said close friends on that day on the day of judgment will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous. This verse shows us how impactful friends can be, and how people will blame their closest friends for their fate on the Day of Judgment, or if

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their friends are righteous, that too will be a reason that they are righteous on that day. If this is the impact of friends, on fully grown mature adults, we can easily understand the impact of peers on our children. While they are still undergoing critical moments of development, that impact could be far more intense. And the world of psychology, there's actually a lot of debate over how impactful parents are over their children. For Freud, parents, especially the mother an overwhelming influence over the fate of their children. But 20 years ago, there was a book called The nurture assumption which challenged the idea and contended that parents weren't really influential on their

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children at all. And that peers friends were far more influential for children and why they turned out the way that they do. Let's fast forward through a lot of research and debates. Most research now shows that parents are incredibly influential over their children, particularly at a younger age, really were everything for them in the beginning of their lives. But as the child begins to enter into adolescence, they start getting older, their parents become less and less influential, and their peers become far more influential. And then they enter into adulthood. And again, it begins to reverse their peers become less influential, and their parents once again become more

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influential. But there's a critical time in the development of your child where their friends and peers are likely to be more impactful on them than even you. And that's a really scary thought for most parents. So what can we do to help set up our children for success? What can we do to help ensure that they are not negatively influenced by their peers? I realized that peer influence peer pressure is a really broad topic on its own. It requires a great deal of discussion. But what are some thoughts for us to consider? What are some keys that we can use to help us navigate with our children? Number one, don't eliminate friends. It's a really scary thought for parents that someone

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else might have more influence on your child than you and some friends. Some parents might react by wanting to remove the influence of friends altogether. But look, humans are social beings. Friendships are really important for the development of children. It helps them learn how to deal with other people how to sort through conflict, it's good for their self esteem, it's good for their overall development. And Allah subhanaw taala encourages us to have good fellowship and good companionship. Allah says what's good enough sec Amanda DNA the uno de Belem, we look like that you will actually you read when Elijah, Allah says keep yourself patient endure yourself in the company

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of those who call upon Allah in the morning and in the evening seeking His favor. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that one of the categories of people who will receive the shade of Allah on the day when there's no shade other than the shade of a lot are two people who love each other for the sake of Allah gathering and departing on that basis, meaning a friendship a companionship based on seeking the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So friendship is incredibly important, both for adults and for children. But what we

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want is to help ensure that they have good friends, friends that are going to influence them positively. And that leads us to the second key. The second point, help them choose good friends. As we said, when kids are younger, our influence is incredibly important to them. In that time, your influence your impact your advice, your direction is sought after by your child. And so it is important as a parent to reflect on what friendships, what associations are you creating for your children at a young age, sometimes we might have a colleague or a business associate, and they might be fun to hang around, they might help advance us in our business or in our career. So we invite

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them into our social bubble. But we know that the way that they raise their kids, the values that they hold are very different than our values. That's an example of encouraging a friendship between your kids and their kids were down the road, there's likely going to be friction, your child is going to be exposed to values that you don't want your child to be raised upon. So it's important from an early age that we are considering, who are we inviting into our child's social bubble. So we should be seeking out friendships, for our families that align with our values, you can go to your local Masjid and meet families and find people that align with how we want our kids to be raised the

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similar values that we have to help encourage positive peer influence with our kids. Number three, talk to your kids about peer pressure. Maybe your kids are already older, maybe they form some friendships, they have some peers at school, and you're worried about peer pressure. Studies show that talking to your kids about peer pressure does work. So spend some time speaking to your kids about peer pressure, even roleplay with them what it would be like to be pressured and encourage them to say no. And if they feel like they need an excuse when they're being pressured practice how they can do that, too. When it comes to our kids, one of the most pressing aspects of their

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development is the influence a child receives receives from their peers. So speak to them about the perspective of the one who pressures others, tell them why would another kid want to pressure you what's in it for them, explain to them that it must come from an insecurity that that child has. And if your kids understand the motives behind peer pressure, they will be better to resist it inshallah. Number four, teach them that it's good to be different. Peer pressure is all about fitting in. But our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said this religion began as something strange, and we'll return to become something strange again, to a believer you have to be willing to

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be different than others through the stories of the prophets. Look at Prophet Ibrahim and he said I'm a young men who stood against his entire society who stuck to his principles and his values. Throughout these stories, we should encourage our kids to not feel like it's a bad thing to be different than than everyone. In fact, we should teach them that success sometimes is about being different and success in sports athletes trained differently, eat differently, spend their lives differently. success in business businessmen invest differently, discipline themselves differently, and success in our connection to a lot also might be different. Number five, develop your child's

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self esteem and confidence. Developing your child's self esteem and confidence is a theme you'll find throughout this series. But it's really important here. praise for your children for their achievements and their efforts focus on building their strengths and help them build in areas that they're strong in. For example, if your child is a strong reader, encourage them to read more, the more proficient they become in an area, they will become more confident and confident kids who are comfortable in their own skin are far more likely to resist peer pressure. May Allah subhanaw taala bless our children with righteous friends who will lead them to become righteous Muslims and mean