Children Around The Prophet 7 Developing Them Socially
Channel: Hesham Al-Awadi
Series: Hesham Al-Awadi - Children Around The Prophet
Episode Transcript ©
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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim salatu salam ala COVID mursaleen sabena Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa menteri I hope your son in elomi Deen llama la la Mulana Illa Allah antenna in akintola Lima Hakeem,
brothers and sisters, we are now in this session, looking at our Russell saw Selim building what is in this course to be the final block. But that doesn't necessarily mean that this was the entire block, or the entire block in the process of building that huge building called young companions. Of course, everything has to come to an end. And this is the end.
If you wanted to continue, you can say How did eresource lm build the block of the bodies of the children, sport and all sorts of things, I left that out, I left also building the health of children, I left it out, you might take me for that I left out building the mind of the child, I left it out, everything must come to an end, we needed eight CDs. So we are building six or seven blocks. And our final session will be on the children when they grow up. And who knows maybe in the future will be people that will be coming and talking to you about other blocks. So now I'm going to talk about the final block, which is building and developing the social dimension in the character
of the child, how do you bring someone
who is sociable? And how do you develop this social character in him or her? Why did I leave this at the end, because this is where now the society will see of this entire process that has been taking place inside the household, the society will see the manifestation of aqeedah will see the manifestation of a Bada, we'll see the manifestation of the emotion
in its interaction with the children. So it happens unfortunately, that society witnesses the results of child development through a bomb, or the result of the child's development through an invention or through a success story or through a criminal story. It is the society that will constitute the final audience to the entire performance that was played and was taken place by the parents for the last 10 or 15 years. And that's why I wanted to see how did our SOS lm build that child that is now functioning outside the house. And that's why in a lot of the incidents that I'm going now to narrate, they are taking place outside the house, there is no child knocking the door
to seek permission, sexual desires, if you remember, we're all taking place inside. But the social dimension now the social from society is taking place outside the household. So you can see that we are moving with the children inside the house outside the house and taking photographs from all kinds of angles and directions. Now, how am I going again, to tackle this issue, this issue is very white. And by no means this is an exhaustive attempt to talk about the social dimension, I'm going to talk and focus on what I think are significant points, three points.
That to my mind constituted the framework of how our society functions. with children in building their social dimension. I just want to say one thing. There are bits and pieces in what I'm saying that reflects my own sentiments, my own ht hat. So the very titles, the manufacturer and developing a sociable personality, this is my own ht hat. Number two,
I'm leaving a gap
that you have to take and fill your own ht hat. You might read all these Heidi's in a new way and put your own titles. I don't care as long as we share and standardize the events and incidents you know the idea Yes, I know what you understand from this hadith as far as you are a sound person and reasonable person, that is not my problem. The problem is that when you are confused, because you are ignorant, not because you know, but you have a different interpretation. So please allow me to be free in doing my own interpretation, bearing in mind that I am not by no means enforcing or coercing you to believe in my interpretation. And I should have said this again at the outset of
this course but I am saying that now
So what is my interpretation of these three frameworks one is that Allah saw Salaam wanted to create a sociable character, because Islam is a religion that is not to be kept isolated. If you want to use the western expression, it's a missionary religion. missionary means that you interact with society, that you talk to society, that you have to engage with society.
This Hadith that I think should be the title of any talk on a social character, I think should be learned by all of us. This Hadith, which says, also, Selim says that who mixes with people and who tolerates their harm is better than that, who does not mix with society?
Neither does he tolerate society.
That is what Islam does not one.
You are a non Muslim, fine.
But I will interact with you. I will say good morning, I will say good afternoon, I will say thank you.
That is what Islam is building. This is the ethos, this is the general framework that we have to mix now. How did I then go about fulfilling that ethos, fulfilling that framework, that theme, that issue of getting the children and encouraging the children to get outside the house, to interact with people?
The first thing, which is symbolic, and we come across it a lot.
And nowadays in the BBC, and in the CNN, Islam is the religion of peace, which is rightly so.
Because you say Assalamu alaykum and you say Peace be upon you. So you begin by talking and connecting with society, at the outset, through the salon, and through shaking the hands on the sofa. And that's why the Sahaba used to immediately when they see each other, shake the hands of each other.
And you might not imagine that but they used to say Salaam to each other, and walk with each other. And when a tree separates them from each other. And they meet again, they say Salaam Alaikum, I missed you. I haven't seen you for the last two seconds.
And this three could be a car this three could be whatever. It's just a physical barrier. So imagine you have a son that have never spoken to his father have never spoken to his mother.
Even with the present technology, you see brothers and sisters, this is something that is very fascinating here. Those companions are saying salaam aleikum to each other.
Even at the lack of technology, and in the presence of physical barriers. Now we are living at a time where there are no physical barriers between us through borders, through planes through mobiles through the internet.
Yet we are apart here. between the three they said Mr. Lee come here the food is available mobile 200 minutes free text messages. And no one says Salam Alaikum I just called to say I love you. No one says that except to his beloved, whatever. No one connects. Yes, bt wants you to connect to pay the bill at the end of the month. But Islam wants you to connect. Because if you connect Well, you might connect Well, in general, there is no bill at the end of the connection. So how to instigate how to encourage that with Assalamu alaikum
anissina Malik and this hadith again is one of the famous Hadith and he said in many narrations that are also saw Selim came while I was playing with children,
for Salah Allah subhana wa O'Meara Boone
I'm imagining always, also a solemn coming and walking and passing by children who are busy in the midst of playing and imagining children, when they like play football, they are sweating, they are shouting at each other, they are laughing at each other. They are interacting with each other in the midst of all that are so solemn, say Salah
when you say Salaam to your child who is watching Sesame Street, do you say to him Salaam or you are worried that you might disturb him seeing Sesame Street or the opposite? Do you want your children to come and say Salaam or you say go and see your mother Leave me alone. What I'm trying to say is that whatever the context, even if it was a context of business and engagement
like a referee whistle
For the football game to stop, and also sell amongst those children to stop, just to say, while a coma Salam rahmatullah wa barakato.
This is a very significant moment that you need when you read this Hadith, which is just one line, you need to freeze and think you need to freeze this moment. And think about it. Think about another thing in that moment, who is beginning the salon?
We are taught that it's always their anger, who begins the salon to the older,
but also sell them here is the trainer. And you have to set a precedence. As a trainer. There is no ego here, there is no arrogance here. There is no What is your date of birth first before I begin, or you begin to say Salaam No, no, I am training you. And that's why brothers and sisters, and you might be shocked to know that. And I said Malik, who as I said and repeated it. And we'll say it again, died at the age of 103. Even at that age, we would go and walk in the street and see children playing the same way that they would play when he was young 100 years ago, a century ago.
And say to the children, Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. And when we was asked, why do you do it? He would say Canada soon Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
100 years ago or so seldom used to do it, and I'm doing it because he wants to do it.
This is fascinating. This is how these children internalize these values. This is in the midst of them playing and witnessing and I saw Selim saying Salaam. He said to himself this child and as he said in sha Allah, when I become an adult, when I become 100 years old, I will say Salaam to the children because Allah Azza wa sallam said it.
The inheritance inheriting the values, it's passing through generations.
And autonomy, the another Heidi is talking about Salam again, and teaching that human being to be sociable. telemovie in the book of tirmidhi narrates this, this hadith that is narrated by lsap Malik again, he said are also saw Salam said to me, look at how the Marathi now speaks to the children yamane is that the heltah alcoholic when you go home, enter the household for Selim jaquan Baraka, Tana la while antibiotic
Who is he speaking to? He is speaking to a child who works with who, with Amazon seller. So when you go to your family who is the family, it's me.
But that is not the point. The point is that this hadith is for ns and for anyone else other than ns.
He is advising ns on things that might not be applicable. He might have said to me, when you come home and say Salaam to your Prophet, he could have said that, but he said it in the abstract, because he knows that every word that he utters is Hadith is a rule is a card that is applicable to each child. So when you go home, don't say when is lunch. I need to drink something, say assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah but not all right me As salam aleikum and then alright mate but say Assalamu alaykum at the beginning. This is important to begin that relationship with peace with selam.
Then in that item of creating a sociable personality is the item related to social visits and also sell them was not sitting at his house waiting for the people to visit. No, he is actually approaching people and he would visit anyone and the Hadith says he would not turn down any invitation. Even if the invitation was on dinner that is composed of oil and bread.
Imagine brother imagine I invite you and say I have prepared for you today pita bread and olive oil. What do you think you will put the olive oil on my head and hit me with the pita and leave
the kebab and the chicken tandoori and and and isn't expectation when you are invited for a dinner, expected mutual expectation you expected of me and I will fulfill it for you out of pride and showing you that my wife is a good cook while I bought it from the tandoori shop.
What lm is trying to say is that all people don't think that the unavailability of food should constitute a social impediment towards you inviting me because I will come and visit you despite and irrespective of what you have at home. This
is the message I want to meet you I want to see you even if we were separated by a tree. But this is not the point of today's course. The point is that also Salim sometimes visit while children are with him. This is the point. Again, he's teaching them to be sociable. He's teaching them to visit people. Do you remember the Hadees that I mentioned in the previous session where our saw Selim? Oh, this is a very difficult Hadith pumpkin. Do you remember the pumpkin who was with him? Who began falling in love with pumpkin? Because of him? It was Ennis, that means ns was with him visiting a young tailor. Now the same incident is happening. Think about this. Heidi, Is that me? And you know,
which is famous and I've already mentioned that in the last session about Alice's wasallam. visiting
one of his servants, that is a Jew, that also Salim have Jewish servants? Yes, he employed you serve and serve in the house who is a Jew who does not join the Juma prayer in the house? He's not a Muslim. That's it.
And who is with him? In fact, let me go back a little bit. This Hadeeth were also selling goes to visit this boy narrated by who
this is in Buhari narrated by who?
And as you can, you guessed it, who else is walking with a prophet SAW Selim with him all the time. nsep Malik is the one that narrates this hadith that means what it means he was with him.
Because this hadith is a mute Hadith, meaning that also Selim is not talking in it.
The comments or the description of Hadith is by Ennis which means that he was with him.
Kinda gulaman yahudi una de sol, Sol and former there was a Jewish servant that used to serve as a lamb. And he became ill.
Actually, are you fascinated by something? That we have two servants who are young,
that we have two servants who
are serving the same Master?
You think that these servants know each other? I tend to think Yes, for sure. If he is serving the Prophet, this Jew at the same time that ns was serving the Prophet. So we have a Jewish servant and a Muslim servant. And think about the future relationship between these two servants when one of them are either Jew converts to Islam, one they become then good buddies.
Anyway, this is something else but let's focus on the Hadith itself, and see that are seldom entered into the house of that Jewish boy and asked him to become a Muslim, and he became a Muslim. And you know, the story or you know, the Hadith Alhamdulillah let the uncommon are not the same expression that was said about that boy, that could not say la ilaha illAllah, despite the fact that he was a Muslim and was praying now, all in all, what is ns learning here? He's learning the importance of visiting, but he's learning something else. He's learning the Sunnah of visiting the IL.
When you visit the URL, be brief. Don't sit with him. I remember when, when we were young, and we used to visit my father, in hospital. We used to eat the food of my father in the hospital, the hospital brings the food and he would be hungry, but we were young and he would not say this is my food, and we would eat the food and go home and eat more food.
No, you don't eat the food of that patient.
You stay briefly not for three hours to watch TV with him in that hospital. And you try to speak things that are soft on his heart. May Allah reward you, in sha Allah you will. This is reward from Allah, Allah insha. Allah will forgive all your sins with this. Don't say this is because you are a sinner, Allah have got you to this and you inshallah never you will get out from this hospital to the graveyard, no, no. So and be brief to three minutes and chocolate and present and and that's it and go
Who taught you this Who taught you this are so solid through and
now, there is another thing. It is not only that, it is that you can visit non Muslims in their households.
There is another item that constitutes this process of developing the social character, and that is for the child to sleep or to spend the night outside his house in a decent
There is nothing wrong with them sleeping outside, but not with a serial killer or a rapist or someone who's taking drugs or with someone who's
smokes or with someone that you are not happy with his character and morals, but the principle of sleeping outside the house could turn out to be a social endeavor
and Abdullayev in adverse or if you want, let me just say this it is first and then we will look at it from the social dimension. It is in the book of Buhari where Abdullah nobis. And I mentioned this idea in the session. Do you remember when I said to you that Abdullah bin Arbus spent the night with his maternal aunt, who is his Hala mamoon abbington hearth who is the wife of Swaziland? He said I spent the night in her house or if you want to spend the night in the house of Allah saw Selim. And
when I slept the night I saw him asking about me the Abdullah sleep or the lame or the Golem Did he go to bed? She said yes. And then he went and made ablution and prayed.
It is only because Abdullah had been Ibis was sleeping outside his house, and in the house of the prophet SAW Selim that we noticed and realized and knew that at that moment, I'd also sell a mock up, made ablution and meet that maimunah would not have reported this Hadith, we needed a child, not only a child to witness but a child to participate, because when he participated, he stood on the left side of our saw cell. And then also Selim took him while he was praying and turned them to the right side. It is because of Abdullah numbers that we know that in congregation if you are to use stand next to the right, this is all because it happens that Abdullah spent the night outside his
house. That's what I'm saying this could be an exploring experience.
If you are hanging around with the right company, if you are hanging around with amazing people, you will witness amazing things. But you will also learn to be away from your mother away from your father. So you will when you go to the nursery, you will not cry.
When someone says your aunt or your uncle says come with me, you will not cry.
It's not that you don't want to be grateful to your mother, but you need to notice that your society is bigger than your father and mother.
Another item is to build self confidence and self esteem in the character of the child through encouraging him to interact with society make mistakes, but nevertheless interact with society.
I believe in our model of the world was and this hadith is in Bukhari, he narrates this Hadith, Abdullah nama, he said, One Allah saw Selim quizzed us which shows that also Salim sometimes quizzes
and asked questions to make people think rather than just state the Hadith, do this do that he quizzes first.
He says there is a tree, strong trunk strong plant. And it is like this tree is like the Muslim. What is it?
And no one knew except that young boy Abdullah Rama who was the son of a pub. And at that moment, his father was in the meeting. It was in the meeting and also Salim is asking the question
no one knew. Now they left the circle. And also Selim said, You know when you it's the it's the note three.
And on the way after the circle
of love Norma says to the Father, and look at when the son befriends the Father. He said, Oh, Father, you know, something. I knew that it was the load tree. And all hopped up said, enlightened to speak. He said, Oh, my father and look at the decency and the respect said, Oh, my father, I was embarrassed. When I looked at you, and you were quiet. And when I looked at our worker and he was quiet, so who am I to speak?
So Pamela Omar and Abu Bakr were great even at their time, and they were recognized to be great, even by their own sons and daughters. And when they speak, no one could speak after them or before them. But Omar said to him as a father now instilling confidence in the mind of his son, he said, Well, ah he my son, if you said it, that would have been to me better than this dunya and all that is in it. Because it shows that the Son is like his father intelligent.
But it's not about the son or the Father. It's not about that. I want you to pass your a level so that they say that the Father is or become a half or so that they say the father is so No, no
It's a principle that armored Malhotra applied it with other children.
Adnan mobarak in his book azote and even Jerry, and Eben Abby hartham and Al Hakim in his mustard rock, which, if anything shows that this hadith is moving in the books of a Heidi, I'm gonna cut up asked once a question when he was a muted meaning.
And he asked about
what do I have to come and takuna? Who agenda to mean the healing law? He said this verse, and he asked about its interpretation.
And it's in Al Baqarah, verse 266,
would you like to have a garden that is full of load three, and grapes? And the verse continues, and he's asking about the interpretation of that verse. And the Sahaba that were at this time as Emily momineen said something that made him angry, they said, Allah, Allah, Allah knows best, which means they don't know.
So that made him angry. If you don't know just say, Omaha top said, Just answer me. Do you know it? Or you don't know it?
had been a boss, who was young, still young at that age? He said, Yeah, I mean, I think I can say a few words on this verse Subhan, Allah, this is the one who stayed only two and a half years without a saucer, said, a look at this manner. And humbleness. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I think I can say a few words, on this verse. Everything in this hadith is fascinating. But what is fascinating and relevant to the course is the statement of our own hot tub that will follow the comment or the statement of our Lord nobis. He says, only one or two hotter nafsa. And I would like every parent to write this statement with a golden ink. And not just to go and sell that golden ink, but to write it and put it
in your child's bedroom. express yourself. And don't underestimate yourself. See and speak your mind. And don't belittle yourself. This is exactly what Omar said top the love nobis say it. Tell me. And don't belittle yourself, don't you think that you are insignificant? Don't you think that you are only a child? Don't you think that you are unable to educate or that you are too young to educate? Tell me teach us teach ameerul momineen and teach those companions? Who said Allah knows best?
What is he doing? He's bringing brave people, responsible people, confident people, intelligent people, people who are proud to be Muslim in the midst of terror. People who are proud to be Muslim in the midst of a time where everyone is saying Muslims are terrorists being proud that I am Muslim.
And not belittling myself being proud that I am Muslim and feeling dignified, even if bombs from the sky are crushing every single house that is close to my house. This is exactly what I was building. But how did that all happen? say these words from which spirit from the spirit of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that was encouraging the children to think and to contemplate, and more importantly, to express and speak their minds.
Another thing that also Selim was doing to encourage this confident interaction between the child and society is condoning or encouraging or confirming or agreeing to children engaging in business transactions, not shoplifting, engaging in business transactions, buying and selling.
And I don't want to spend too much time here because I know that in this culture, people have to work and people do work at quite a young age to pay for their bills and mobile phones. I'm not going to speak about that if I was in the Middle East I would spend much time speaking about the importance of making the child work and become responsible. But just for completeness, let me say this Heidi for our Abuja, Ronnie and I'm ribnica rife, and also de la Santa Maria de la in Jaffa. So Sallam he walked in the street and saw Abdullah live in Jaffa while he was selling, but selling as a child, and also sell him said something that is fascinating. Allahumma barik la houfy Bay Oh Allah
bless his selling bless his business. Oh Allah bless his business and Abdullah is listening. What can we get out of this Heidi? One? Is that also sell him he's not embarrassed that one of his relatives is selling and buying. This is number one.
Yes, he's a Hashemite. Yes, he's a parasite. Yes, he belongs to the house of Mohammed Salim. But it's a pleasure for him to sell him by because I want him to become an adult. number one. Number two, the child himself
He begins to know how to handle money, how to count them, how to buy and sell, and how to bargain, and how to negotiate and how to say no, this is excellent marketing, all that. But more importantly, this is the third and final item. he interacts with society. He knows this woman living in that house, he knows that this man bought something yesterday and kept the receipt and returned it the following day. And I know that he has two sons, and he has one daughter, and I know him. And who knows, maybe he could advise them. Who is the one that spread Islam after our SOS Allah Mohammed Abu Bakar. Why? Because he knew every single human being in Mecca, and he knew them as a teenager. So
why shouldn't Abdullah and Jaffa become the Abu Bakar of Medina, but he is in the training process.
The other framework, I spoken about three frameworks. The first framework is building a social character through interacting with society through saying salom through self confidence through buying and selling through visiting through sleeping outside your household and now I'm going to tackle the second framework and this is the framework that is related with Russell selling himself befriending children and taking them with him wherever he goes. This is again, something that could make the child more sociable at the outset. It does many things but at the beginning, it makes you fall in love and increases this bond of love between you and our Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wasallam. And one of the things that also does a teaches the child leadership.
You are walking with a prophet SAW Selim, you are walking with a political leader. You are walking with a caddy and a judge, you are walking with a father, you are walking with the leader of the community. So imagine
you are witnessing that girl that comes on asks about how you are witnessing that man who is begging and wanting alone. You are witnessing that boy that came and said yeah, Rasul Allah, I want to commit adultery. And not only are you witnessing that you are also witnessing how Rasul Allah Selim deals with that, you witness windows and also sell them love and when he smiles, and when he doesn't laugh and smile. And when he speaks in a loud voice, and when he speaks in a low voice, and when he sits and when he stands, and when he looked that way, or this way, you witness all that, can you then behave in a way that is not compatible of the way of leaders. So this is another thing that
also Selim was doing. The final. And the third framework is actually
for also selling to create an environment for good company. And this is a point that to me,
again, I cannot overstate it, because I, today, the entire course was about parents, parents, parents, parents, but there is a big snake waiting to eat and has an animal same, or perhaps your children, cold bath company.
The books that you build inside the household might be
blown act by a bad companion,
that he or she met at school, or in rallies, or in the neighborhood, or in the cinema, or in a coffee shop, or in the internet cafe.
He could say your mother speaks nonsense. Your father doesn't know what he's talking about. life has changed, things have changed. I'll teach you I'll tell you. I'll let you educate you try this. It won't harm you. No, no, try that that will make you happy. And he will blow at these blocks. And if the blocks are not cemented well, and if the bridge is weak, you will fall
you will fall. So also Salah wanted to complement the role of the parents and the Marathi with the role of creating good companions and good companionship.
And that's why also Selim advocated group place playing together under some sort of a friendly supervision. Yes, you are playing together okay, fine, but I'll just say salaam aleikum from a distance.
In the book of Ahmed Muslim Imam Ahmed, even humble Abdullah who's Amboy again narrates this hadith. He says a Cana Rasulullah. Saw Selim and this is something like doing ace. And it's also nice to bring Abdullah and Obaidullah work who fail three boys who are the sons of our bus. So Abdullah have been a bus then boy
quseir and probat. They are these beautiful boys that we talked about anyone who is the son of a bus and he would line them up straight As if he is lining them to the salah and also sell them
And then go and stand at a distance and say whoever raises and wins and comes to me, I will give him a reward. I will give him cat our cat I will give him so and so we don't know what is so and so in your case, it might be some sweets, it might be a gift, it might be a trip to, I don't know where. But the point the essence is to make them enjoy playing with each other without you taking an integral part in the playing. Why? To me a psychological reason to make them feel that I could enjoy myself in the halal way. I could be extremely sweating out of happiness, while I'm doing something that Allah is pleased with me. Because it seems it seems that there is a culture among young people
that I have to do haram to enjoy myself. And the society makes you and persuade you to think alongside these terms, that you have to have a girlfriend to be happy, you have to live a love story to be happy, you are dead without a love story. Allah subhanaw taala says, Oh man, can I meet and farheena this who is dead and we resurrected him resurrected him with what with a girl? No, we resurrected him with the Quran. I know that this is not appealing to children. But what I'm saying is that the concepts need to change, I could play football, I could go to the gym, not to impress this girl with my muscles, but because I need to be strong, and I need to be healthy, that
perception of entertainment has to be changed. Because there is a perception here in the West, that entertainment for for the consumer culture to prevail. Entertainment has to be linked with desires, sexual desires for me to consume and continue to consume. What the resource elements doing here is that he was creating a culture that has nothing to do with consumption, rather, production and progress and strength and health. Whoever raised to me, I will give him sweet is there is enjoyment sweet. But the more and the greater enjoyment is for me to play with my brothers. This is the sort of character that are also so seldom wanted to have. So this is the social dimension, the dimension
that starts with advocating and helping and creating a social character that also sell them himself, be friends, the children and become a true and serious friend without a barrier or hierarchy between him and them. And the third was to actually step back and allow the children to play together in a halogen environment. And I think that there is a decent and there is a positive and promising development in the mosques today, where in the mosques, they are building gyms and table tennis and snooker and all sorts of things, replacing the culture of railings and bringing it into the mosque. It's unfortunate that children are fascinated with the with them for a couple of days. But then they
go back to the city center, because
it's an entire culture. It's not just we need to change the entire culture in the mosque, not just to bring some gym material from our guests. And that's it.
Stefan Ali, welcome in our forum