The Happy Marriage Seminar – Part 1
Channel: Hasan Ali
File Size: 37.74MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala nabina Muhammad wa
RO Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem.
Holla Amina Xhosa. How about semi nomadic?
Cathy wrong one is
with Dr. Maha levitas aluna be one
namaha cannot a community
so the whole of him firstly brothers and sisters who are listening. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Guys who are married Put your hands up
for the hands of high a shy
and guys who are not married, put your hands up.
Guys you never put your hands up, hands up.
So there seems to be about a third of you from the men side that are married by two thirds that are not married.
And what we're sitting here for is to understand in Allah said in the Holy Quran was a kid for inadequate and found meaning.
Can you all hear me at the back there? as clearly you can hear me at the back there? Clearly? Yes.
Allah said, well, the kids are in a declutter how many
remind give a reminder for a reminder will benefit the believers.
This is in Surah Allah yet fifth verse.
Sometimes it is slang. You might have heard something before. But what you need is you need to remind and we all need it. We all need it.
Right from the level of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam all the way down to the last believer we all need it.
That's why Allah gave the hokum first His Prophet said, well, that kid, you give the reminder and there are reminders for the prophet in the Quran as well. reminders in the Prophet for the Prophet, and in terms of the Prophet salallahu relationship with his wives that are reminders for him. You look at the beginning of
the year you are nabby Lima 200, Mama Holla Holla Allah
Allah admonishes in a way His Prophet says, what happened is he's one of two of his wives had a bit of a rivalry to get close to him.
And one of them made the beverage
that he had another one said that there seems to be smell coming from your mouth when he visited
the one that said that just didn't want him to go and drink in the other ones house
So then it create the results a lot of thought, from my mouth is something that is got a bit of a smell. So he said, I'm not going to have that beverage again.
Allah said Oh, Prophet Lima to herring, why you prohibiting something which Allah has made permissible for yourself? Why are you doing this? And he had a reminder, he had a reminder, in the Quran, what to do. And his wives had a reminder if you look into the totality of how they should behave in his household sallallahu wasallam so the reminder doesn't stop at any any sort of person. It is from the Prophet sallallahu ala down to the last believer we need reminders. So this course is going to be a reminder for myself and for yourself about the things that we're about to get into for the two thirds of you for the brothers. I don't know how many sister I'm sure there's gonna be more
sisters upstairs. not married.
Always is the case, isn't it? Guys? Are you aware of that?
None of you smiling. Maybe you've got secret wives and the thing is, the sisters upstairs they're there. And they need to find their spouses. You Dan says you need to find your spouse as well.
That is not just about finding one another is finding the right person.
Finding the right person is finding like Allah has said if you look in the Holy Quran, in Surah
Surah Furqan verse number 74. Allah said Robin I say this but Medina kulu those people who say this robina overload hablan I mean as well as give us spouses
was to give us children have been anosognosia dia, Tina kurata you make our
wives are make our husbands and make our children the coolness of our eyes.
The coolness of our eyes. What's the limit? Akina? Mama make us the leaders of all those people who have your consciousness. Don't just make us people of your consciousness make us a leaders of those people who are conscious of you. So, a lot what we are saying here is Allah give me a wife that will close my eyes. Give me a husband that will glue my eyes Keep my eyes Cool. Cool, in what way? Cool in two ways. One is you look at them, you admire them?
Yep. Mashallah, yeah, but that admiring that you've got on the outside of Masha Allah. Look how beautiful my wife is. Look how beautiful my husband is that that that admiring that you've got? It's got a limitation.
It's got a limitation. You see this word bit here? That when I got married, there wasn't a single word video guarantee that my wife married me. I'm saying she would have probably said, Where's your possible? Let me see what your ages.
If you think that that's the extent of marriage, then by alarm telling you, you've got it wrong. Because the coolness of the eyes goes beyond the face and the body, it goes into the inside. And it is more important to be cool and satisfied your eyes with what's on the inside and the outside.
what's on the inside and outside.
And with the children as well, you think children haven't come yet? You're getting married? And you think oh man I have done I mean as well. You know, why are you saying that for because it depends on your spouse, your spouse is going to be 50% perhaps of the genes inside your child,
you're going to have 50%, she's going to have 50% of the genes or the effect of it, you'll see this when your children are born, you see this, some of your habits are going to be in your child. If you're stubborn, and you see your child stubborn, you're gonna say that's me, man.
If you you know, it's not just about looks, okay, your wife is beautiful. And you got a beautiful child that will also pass through. But what we'll pass through is your habits.
Have you ever noticed that your habits will pass through? kid is lazy? You ask the Dad, what did you do when you were young?
I was a bit you know, a bit of a rough kid here. Yes, well, that's a child.
You see, I when I teach children, one of the first things I do is try and look at the parents. If the child is having difficulty reading and he doesn't want to read there's there's reasons.
But you look at you look at it, you look at the Father, you ask the Father, what do you want him to do when you know 30 years ago, four years ago? Why would you only do and they tell you a story? And you say do you see any similarities between this one and that one is you and him. I'm not saying we all passes down. But there are things that will pass down. So the person you get married to is not just about the looks that will pass down to your children. It's about the inner habits that will pass down and the certain things in our genes, okay? Certain things in our genes that will pass an allowance creatures all differently. You've got a woman who's very agile, that will pass down, that
will go down. You got a woman who's able to bear a lot of children that will pass down that's why it was so awesome said What does the word you alpha dude, alpha lewd, he said get my two women who are loving, greatly loving, greatly caring as well, dude. They've got that. And unvalued is what Allah loot is they're able to give birth to a lot of children find me for any who can become a young man said on the Day of Judgment, I will be proud on the edge of the crowd at the sheer number of my oma on that day. Now, brothers, why did you choose the qualities of this of these women that we should look for not just for women, it applies to men as well. You look at men, when one when a Sahaba came
to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and she asked advice she said I want to get married to so and so. And it seems society's, what did he say? He said, As for this one.
As for this one liner for asako and RTP. AKA Kala sasami said this person he does not put down. He does not put down his stick that he has from his shoulder. He doesn't put
Done. What did you mean by that this guy is a wife beater.
This guy is a wife beater.
He beats people up and you get my team you're gonna get beaten up. And as for the other one, he said, fissara Luke, he said he's really tight.
So you get my team, you're not going to really have a happy life. Now this is what Sula sallallahu wasallam you think about it? It is I want to what I want to mention here is that it is where it is absolutely compulsory that when someone comes to you to seek advice of marriage for somebody else, that you have to be open about their character.
It is Roger. It's a it's a compulsion upon you that you you declaring, you know, something really bad about someone and someone's someone else has come to you for advice. And you don't say what's wrong with them, you are responsible in some way. Because, you know, you had the opportunity to talk about the truth, and you stayed silent. You can't do that. Marriage is a serious matter. Come on this woman is what allows economic run worldwide, that udana outlet, the hoonah mothers should breastfeed their children he did. The women who have given birth to the children should breastfeed. Now listen to this. Allah didn't say zodat.
Even if Allah said wives should breastfeed, it's a different matter. Allah didn't say he said, women who've given birth to these children should breastfeed them or women who are mothers, while he that
the quality of your wife will change, the quality of the husband will change. He become aware that he'll become better of a child, you become better of a child. He become a father you become a mother is different, is different when you when you if you go back and if you just think about you know, your young days, you just a boy, and she just a girl.
That's what it is. When you get married, your wife, your husband, when you have children, your mother and your father three are totally different. Don't think they're the same? Because when it's a boy and a girl, what are they gonna do? They're gonna date one another, I
don't wanna try and get that go. Try and get that boy, me and her. England, England, England being Bollywood. Right? You see all those movies, too, maybe tomorrow.
I see what Sarah is about a false life out there, that does not exist. And it's about no responsibility whatsoever. It's about the most
beautiful girl that can find in the whole of India, or from the top 100 most beautiful girls who are actresses in the whole of the whole of India, from the millions from the millions that existed. They're going to show you her and from the most handsome man they can find in India that will get him or from the 100 most handsome men. And basically the guy who's got no worries, there's no children in between. And he's basically you know, going to sing to the extent he can to try and get his girl and the girl sing. He's trying to get this man. The same in these Hollywood movies. Marriage is not a movie. Marriage is not a fairy tale. Marriage is about responsibility. And wise,
wise, you know, some guy can say in this day and age, and I'll be straight with you. Some guy can say So what? So what if I just If I don't take any responsibility, I'm going to use contraception. I'm going to stay away from having any, you know, there's gonna be no children between us. So we don't have any children. We got no responsibility. I live in my flat, she lives in a flat. We'll get together whenever we'll have a little cinema. We'll have a cup of tea, Costa Coffee, wherever. And we basically go around America around when we want to buy acid. We will contraception. What's wrong with that? This is the day and age we're living in that people are doing this. They're doing this up
until the 3040. Some people now have decided in ages come. They don't want to get married.
Have you come across those people? comprehensive comprehensive people.
That is about almost seven, eight of you. I've come across a lot of these people. They don't want to get married because they don't want responsibility. This age we live in is an age of selfishness.
It's a very, very selfish, you got your own phone, you got the internet, you got the technology, you got your own house, you pay your own bills, you look after yourself. You don't have to care for anyone.
You can literally take yourself in a in a flower somewhere where you can just stay there
Just cohabit have another partner somewhere else where you stay with them. And you don't have to get my other people who are like that, and this age is coming towards is coming, that is gonna be a lot more people who who will start leaving those lives. So they'll say What's wrong with it? Well, what's wrong with it is, if you think about it, what's wrong with it as well.
You're here you've got a person who has, who has seriously created what he's created. He's created himself and life, where he's taking no responsibility. He don't care for humans. That's one one wrong, wrong thing Allah has, Allah sent us here to look after others. Number two is well. Number two is Rasulullah. sallallahu said, you can do what you want to try not to have a child.
But the moment Allah has decreed for you to have a child, you can't stop it.
When his eyes are rolling up, I and her eyes are rolling up high. And basically, it's like they're on the next heaven.
It's only a moment of seconds.
Moment of seconds, that his child would be conceived. What's after that? Well, she finds out that she's pregnant. Oh, my goddess, talk to the law who is suffering?
Suffering now? Next thing is if they don't want to show that child, they'll go for abortion. This society here. Don't care about life.
That is a life. You know, one of the big crimes is what Bill Burnett is to basically buried under socialism standards to bury children right alive. Yes, bury the daughters alive. All these aborted babies will be there on the Day of Judgment, they'll be there. And they'll be saying, where's my father was my mother. And they'll be saying a lot. What crying did I do? That I was in her womb. And he's the one that slept with her. You decided that I get born. And after that, they decided to throw me into a dustbin
unwanted baby. That's what they call unwanted aborted baby. What they should really say is what they really should say is a murdered child.
Because I use the word murder for it. You know in this society, USA, unwanted baby, aborted baby. It doesn't make me feel anything isn't wrong. But can you imagine if you said murder child murdered baby murdered fetus. If you said that, you know you're not you know, you're trying to say because Allah said be a Vanden patella lot for what sin was the child killed a lot of Gods it as a severe crime.
And they're going to have to see that on the day of gentlemen. This is serious crime. If you think that you're here in this world, and this is the extent of what you see is this world, then you can do what you are resources and said what he said.
First now, machine,
machine, whatever you want to do, you can do when you got no higher no shame inside you. When you've lost shame, when you've lost shame, when you're not going to be embarrassed because people are going to question you when you're going to be embarrassed not only mask because your parents are saying What are you doing? When you're not embarrassed? There are people out there who have got you know, same sex relationships, then I embarrassed
fast mama she, you might as well do what you want. There are people out there, I mean, you've heard I mean, I'm not here to write I'm not I'm not here to sort of,
say things that are, you know, these people we can get on with them. Right? I mean, to submit to say this point since he's come up here, if Allah has said to me that if my parents are, if my parents become, or they happen to be Hindus, Allah said in the Holy Quran, so to look man, verse 15, he said, When Jehovah Allah Angelica, be my
wife Jacqueline to be Melissa Kabir Fela to Tirana, or Sahaba, Dyneema. Rosa, if your parents as Hindus try and make you commit, ship, contract, make a commission. don't obey them in ship, but make sure that you stay in a good companionship with them. Your companionship, your good manners, your good conduct has to do with them.
If Allah has said that about Hindus,
Hindus, parents are mine, I have to be good to them. But I'm not going to be the ship. I'm telling you now, that we do not have to accept. We don't have to accept the concept of being gay, not accept that will be against it. Not just that we don't accept *. We don't accept polytheism as Muslims, but we will have a good conduct towards them. You understand? We'll have a good if Allah said the worst of all people are those who come in ship. The worst of all people certainly
Service 116 in olaleye, FYI, you should be wearing manga. So if Allah said that,
that I can still have a good conduct towards those people who have same sex marriages, but I'm not going to accept the concept. I'm not gonna accept the contract the right to have the right of that, to hold that as my belief and that's what we should teach in our schools. So what I'm going to say is people can do what they want versus the last method what that if you've lost hire, if you've lost hire you notice embarrassment oh my god if he finds out what I'm doing, I'm about the culture that not just caught up with the Society of my religion or my people or my my just myself. If you lose that hire my parents, my friends, my children, if they see me do this, you know me doing this, then
how would I feel if you lose that embarrassment inside you said you reach the stage that you can do what you like that's a barrier. Allah has kept in your heart If you keep that higher inside you, Ross was the last one said we'll hire Charlotte men and women both these habits of somebody will hire and hire and and having shame, having shame inside. You know, that feeling of shame and embarrassment is part of a branch of Emacs.
There is an era there is a dunya if you get in mind for this dunya you're going to look at Luke's his looks, you will have no consideration about whether you get married or you don't get married. If you consider the akhirah you have got Shahar inside you you've got designs inside you. You need to control those desires. You're a man you're a woman, you will look will have passion desires was lasala. I said Yama*a Shabaab, those of you who are young,
so those of you can get married, you're young, you can get married money, sir, I'm in combat. So watch, get married. If you can't get married fast control yourselves. If you can get married, it will save you. It will make you lower your gaze better. It will help you to protect your private parts better
is a means of doing that. Now, why was this last law has been telling us this why was encouraging us because there are serious consequences of getting to the next world and not being married. And as a result, losing one's faith. Rasulullah sallallahu rasuna said in one Hadees that when the person who's committing fornication or adultery is committing it, his Eman comes out of his body hovers on top that both the man's come out, it will hover on top and then when they've completed their act, it will come back into their bodies. Can you imagine how serious this is? that they've lost faith? They've lost faith in Allah for a while because the fornicating because they're committing adultery
if a person believes and I'm saying this very clearly investment believes that they can become like I don't know some of you have probably I don't watch this but I've heard of it that on EastEnders this this gay character.
You've heard the guy. Yeah, if you haven't heard of him now.
And he's supposed to be Muslim.
Right The promoting this. Now, I've told you just before the thing, we won't hate the person, but we will hate the act. Let's make that very clear. If there are two people dating the Muslims, they're dating, they're not married.
We will hate them. We will hate the act.
If there are two people who are committing a crime, we don't have to hate them. We won't we will hate the crime. The same way is with all these people out there in the savage Society of selfishness. We hate selfishness as Muslims we are not selfish. Rasulullah sallallahu has promoted promoted between ourselves cooperation Tawana
taqwa, the third verse surah, Merida,
get together, help each other. The second verse might help help each other get together on what promote what goodness virtue get together. Allah said in various places the Quran you must be together. Allah has called us zones.
Now when you when you're a young person, you're a young person, and you're growing up and you want to get married. Even when you get married. Allah has called your half your a half whether you're a man or a woman your half. Why is Allah said that Adam alayhis salam in Jannah he was sitting down
and he felt there's something missing in his life. He wasn't fully happy with all of Jannah and from his rib was created. However, this is in the Cyclades. And then he found his sukoon Allah has said in the Holy Quran in surah, number 13 what uncovered verse number 21. He said Lee test kulu illa so that you may find tranquility calmness by staying with her and the same applies to the woman so that the woman may find tranquility with the man. Allah has said in the Holocron. Walmart's an admin and Lisa, he said those women
Who have entered the fortress? What does that mean? The women who get married
women who get married women who show their dignity and their pride and honor in what in securing themselves with yourself as a husband inside one fortress and you will do the same thing you are much much in in law school you must in in in Surah Nisa, Allah Cody Marcin as men, Allah, Allah, Masha, not that you have taken yourself in a fortress she's taken herself in a fortress, you are together bound together. And this Mecca is a promise is a contract is a contract in front of Allah. Though you're not signing anything, you don't have to sign anything. But your word the Muslims tongue is going to be held responsible on the day of judgment as soon as the law has been said. He
said to say the majority of the Allahu said messenger of Allah you said so many words once he said so many words Give me something really easy for me to hold all of this is a Shall I tell you something? He said? He said you've asked me something great.
But it's very easy for whoever allowance make it easy for
him to his own tank. And do the students with me? Come on man Come on such a tank guy Giza? Yeah. And I let go. You know what made you do that? Because he made say you than a job you do that and say the Najafi and others when they would narrative don't make make them do that because it's a tradition.
You remember this part of this? You forgot the things I said but you know that made the touch attack list, that bitterness and you think
he said hold on to this?
Hold on to it. Messenger of Allah. What might if I just hold on to my tongue I'm able to do so many things that you just said. He said Sakhi let go. So he was not jabby to say that a mouth but he said psyche let's go nuclear Morales Saddam was you may mother be bereaved of you while your coolness. Is there any other reason why people enter into Hellfire except that they never took control of their tongues that on the day of judgment because of their tongues they will be going headlong into the fire. Oh, you said nose first into the fire.
Now when you're getting married you saying Naka to her cabin? to her? She said nica to habito I have got my to him. I've got my to her. you saying this? This is the tongue Allah says what law? Now? Rasulullah sallallahu when he would make a niqab perform nikka he used to retrieve verses. He should recite three versus the three verses number one is the first idea of sort of the Messiah. And in there Allah says twice it Taku it to be conscious be aware of me What up la waterfurnace he says it taco a taco. Taco taco. He says what tabula Why is Allah saying be aware of VMware because Allah says you're only getting married through my permission. My permission, I gave you this right to get
married. If I never gave you the chance to get married, you'd be sitting home. And you come across brothers and sisters in home proposal after proposal after proposal. And you come across that you know there's some girls really beautiful there's some guys who really handsome but this is can't get married. Have you come across that not yet guys gone? Yep. Why? It's not a matter of Allah.
subhanaw taala you and it doesn't matter how you think you look. Because your girl is written for you. I tell people this. I say, you know when a fisherman goes early in the morning, and it takes his rod and throws it into the lake. And he's sitting there nice and quietly waiting for the fish to take the bait.
It's not him. It's not the fishermen that caught the fish.
It's not the fishermen that caught the fish. But it's the fish that came in took the bait Yes or no? Allah guides that fish to that date. Allah makes that fish take that bait. Allah makes a fisherman be the owner of the fish and take it home. The same way you can be who you want. You can be the most the most sorted guy I've known guys. Yeah. You know, you look at them, man. You know, you've
got some class, man. You know the guy. The way the guy's gonna walk, you know? He can bid. It's got the looks. Got the brand names. You think man that guy's gonna have no problems getting married. But those guys end up getting 29 and 3031 32 sometimes. The first start off nice girls come to st
And sometimes that happens with girls, I know some girls who in their 20s had very good, good chances getting married. And they just for one reason or another, you know why? Because the list of getting married, the list of what they want is a massive list.
They want the guy to be educated. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, the list is not just their This is their list and its pluses the parents list and a bit of granddad's list. Yeah, it's all combined together.
So the granddad says the butter has to know better Quran right? So then the the mother will say, you know, he but he better have some you know, he better have some a good job. Yeah, that that's going to say, Yeah, he better have a good good character, we might have to have this. Another family will throw things in he has to be from Gujranwala.
He has to forgive from sillett. Right? They throw this inside. So that's already on the list before they before even she's got to the list. So what's her list? Now? Hell is this is gonna be good looking handsome. He's gonna do things for me. He's better start you know if I tell him to not allow me to go and chill out and this man, He better be my top of character. And I mean him get online. You know, I'm saying like that. So the goal this list? Yeah. The guy comes and obviously he doesn't fall short. One of them. He's gonna fall short. Maybe he's a celebrity. Maybe he's, you know, he's a Punjabi. He comes. And then he didn't, you know, he didn't have the right. You know, you have to be
a but you know, what's it got to be a you know,
you know, he's not an architect. He's not doctor, he's not even an accountant. You know, he's got a BA in some genealogy or something like that. And now we don't, we don't like that. Right? Someone's going to say that right hand list is going to be well, well, you know, my mother happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day Happy. Okay, out, out, out out. What happens eventually is they start getting desperate.
After four or five years of this when they were under high, you know, the high horse. Yeah. After four or five years, they start getting desperate. And when they get desperate, you know what happens in the end? headlice goes down to this has got two eyes. Yes, tick has got two legs. Yes. That says is good enough to get married. twice, two legs is fine. I don't need anything else. I'm telling you. The mother will agree. The father will agree the granddad said doesn't matter. Whatever get to hear my decision in India, Pakistan, or Bangladesh get hammered. They don't care. Because then it's too late. But sometimes then what happens is well, prospects will come proposals will come and then it's
like, the first question is How old is she? How old is he? Well, she's 3232. She's good looking. 32 she's not married. There must be something wrong.
There must be something wrong. Why didn't they? Why did no one take this girl? Why did no one take this boy? Have you guys come across that? Yes or no? Yeah, you're nodding your heads. You're nodding and I'm nodding my head too. Why? Because people are too picky, too choosy. The thing in marriage is if you want the perfect man. Or if you want the perfect woman, then I know one place to go and get the perfect balance. perfect woman. That place is called Jana.
Jana paradise. Yeah. I'm talking about and even even better one go to Jennifer those. Yeah, you find the best, most pure people. I've never done anything wrong.
Now, my friend, you are not perfect? Or are you trying to tell me that you are perfect? Because if you're perfect, and you're not, you shouldn't be in this world. Even Rasulullah sallallahu. I said when he got married, do you know the status and I shall have the law. number of occasions. She She complained.
She had she had issues with him. When she said she went to her father's house resources and said, Okay, if you got issues with me, I'll take you to your father's house who's her father? Say that I've worked with him. So he said, Okay, so
he said, Okay, I'll go to your father. So he goes to the Father's house, her father's house, his, you know, father in law's house. He goes in there. And he says Your daughter has said this about me?
Looking for the stick?
And what to say then I say there's an eye shadow. She hides behind the purpose of the lotto.
She had you had it. She came to complain about him and he had behind him.
Now don't tell me if if the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam in his own house, his own wives and I'm not just to my wives. You know, there were men who had problems are have not eliminated bias there. There are men who you know, a woman came to the province of alaris. And and she she complained and many women cannot want many came to complain about their husbands.
And the thing is, complaints will be there until the day of judgement is not about them complaining, it's about how you deal with the complaint.
It's about how you deal with complaints. And the first Fact is, I'm not perfect. So when Allah has given me an opportunity to, for a person, I'm not gonna look too deep, I'm not going to have a long, long list. If I do, I'm shooting myself in the foot. because no one's perfect, don't look too deep, the deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper you look, you're going to basically find something that you're not going to like and you're going to pull out. And maybe perhaps if you lived with that person, you could have lived a whole life with with with harmony, but don't also do the other thing. You know, what are most of our coaches do is that they do a 10 minute sitting
10 minutes sitting. So basically, they'll they'll basically buy the salary or the buy some good nice silver comedians, and then go all the way with 100 pounds worth of ambala.
How many people in the house For how many days will it take them to eat this 400
the problem diabetes by the time they finish it, why buying it is not
my my, my dignity, my pride. So anyway, put aside the side on the wrong foot, the side on the wrong foot, you don't buy 100 pounds of lead to my friend. Because you'd be a W if you do that.
So you've done that you've gone that you've wasted 100 pounds, they're gonna they're gonna throw it in the bin is gonna go in the bin because they won't be able to distribute the amounts, even the family is part of is going to go into bed, it happens, it happens. And don't tell me it doesn't happen. Now, that side of the bingo this thing, and then yes, and it will be for more and we sit down there. And you know, it's like,
Who's the big man here, they have some kind of guy called over Quito to keep
this is the agent typical way of most of them looking for a marriage. So some guy is going to be the mediator in between the middle or the one who's been the representative. So as your case, you get a cup of tea, and you will have food and cook your seven cards and whatever else it is. And then after all of that when they've had the chat, the main chat is between the two families. So the two families trying to get to know one another about the bride and the groom, or the proposed by the groom. But the actual bride and groom, they leave them in the room or they get them just to see each other for no more than about 10 minutes. Put your hands up if I'm telling you the right thing be
Hands up. Yep.
Anyone else know anything different from you? Maybe half an hour, maybe one hour, right? And you tell me guys, you tell me this is a serious relationship.
You cannot take this woman and dump her tomorrow. You can't take this man and complain to your father tomorrow and say I don't want to be with him. When we have an interview, right? You know, when you when you want when you've got a big company, serious company that's going to make a chief executive in their place. After going to see the guy for 10 minutes. Give me an answer. Are they gonna say them for 10 minutes? No, they're gonna just look at his face and say
16 feet lift.
mother tongue, she's opened her mouth. It's over.
And he's going to judge her by what her face, just her face. And she's going to judge him by his face. absolutely awful. I don't care how many people have accepted this and done this is wrong. Okay, find certain cultures that might do it. And I'm not gonna look, I'm not gonna sit here and start giving you photos about the culture. But here in England, the amount of marriages that are in problems because the funeral The first thing that went wrong, is the way they met each other. They never got a chance to know each other. There's nothing wrong in getting to know your wife through a mammogram. So basically, for you to go to that house for you to sit down for you to then get to
actually talk to her properly, she talks to you properly with the presence of a blood related person to her who will stop loose talk.
Okay, so it's gonna be an elder brother of hers is going to be or someone who's a brother that will stop lusco or a father or someone who stopped the loose talk. So he will be too embarrassed to say something wrong in front of her.
Right? If that happens, then he can have as many sessions as you want. And she can have as many sessions and there needs to be certain things that they need to start asking.
They must do this command asked about ambitions ask about what you will do in life. Ask about you know how you how you want to live together, ask about what character it is. You got to get you got to know that because if you
Don't find out that this is what you will do wake up tomorrow and start to find out that the beast inside this beautiful woman.
She basically is sleeping through the whole of fudger and you're basically trying to wake her up but you still get to work.
And you want to depart in the morning and you basically got some baked beans in the afternoon.
Right? I mean, come on. Let's Let's face it, if you really want your pardon, if you really fussed about your breakfast, some men are fussed about the food. Some women are fussed about their luxuries. That says pretty straight. If you're fussed about something, bring it up in the first instance. If you're not fussed about it, see I'm not fussed about this.
But if you really, you know, some some men, they may say they don't like a woman because of a simple thing. And some woman woman might say that, and it's because of that please explore these things in a mutual agreement with them. From there. I'm not saying we
don't go to the extreme, that extreme of you know, going there and somehow to get her phone number off her somehow to get his number off him. Right? And then what's the next step? Next step is, you know, take the phone out. And
Nancy, me was texting while I was on Facebook. I can see her I can follow her. And some of these you know, I've come across someone's I'm telling you right now, the dangerous thing that you can do is that when there's a boy and a girl and they're trying to get to know each other, whether it's from the day number one, or the it's in between some of the talks are going on, or whether it's near the end when they've just said okay, we're now saying that they know that they're serious about the actual, you know, marriage. Whatever the case is, as soon as they start exchanging numbers before marriage, the one in between them shaytaan Hadees of Abu Dhabi, ooh, la la la la sama said la yaku
Roger Lubin rotten la pantalla to Houma. la sala de la Hersman said no man will get together in secrecy with another woman except that the third will be the shaytan amongst them so start very innocently emails whatever you start very soon I just want to get to know you a bit more. Oh yeah, I'd like to get to know you a bit more. Are you practicing sister years? Are you practicing brother years and that carries on next minute you know the guy's heart is pounding boom boom boom
she's doing the same thing she can't sleep at night you know
otherwise he's texting is at one o'clock in the morning you know emailing each other Facebook whatever, you know, they're just in love and you know that to marry
what's between them to hate on the show that is between them?
Can you imagine what happens if they actually don't get married to each other right now something happens what can go wrong? It's so silly you know the society that we live in in social media. He wants to get married to him and he wants to get married to her what happens in between the shutdown comes is so different so you can come in so many ways. He didn't have to come to you directly. He might go to your dad got another one might go to her that
you know how they break up the marriage.
They finally sit down they're gonna get married. They're gonna think about it. Okay. The whole process is like a two mafia crowds are there right? The whole rooms all you know 10 stuff. Right? You can you can just see the bosses of the Mathieu group are there right? My daughter says, My son says my daughter wants 50,000 pound cabin and
I said says My guess is
my daughter's are cheap. My daughter cheap.
Over the man I'm telling you happened so many times over the man are you Jesus man? You do. And you some poor guys, they want to get married. They don't care. You know, in most cases, most cases in this country when there's a practicing and practicing lawyer, they're happy with 100 Panama. They're happy with 1000 bags of gold on top. They're happy with you know minimal whatever, they're happy with that boy and the girl is saying that they shout it out loud. They're saying a zip up you my daughter you know so cheap
and basically fighting over how much to put down because the society has to hear how much he gave his daughter away for he could start off with gifts sometimes as a gift. So to sit at the table is like okay 2000 and half a house and plus a Honda and and this and Panasonic and this and that and a new kitchen and blah blah, blah. And the other will say okay, cut this off and cut that off. And there's a big massive argument starts
shaytan can come in so many ways. So the process of this first is that people need to get the knee around.
People need to get the intention right now to to if you find out, look at your if you just look at your notes. Okay, look at the first part. Look at actually the contents there. Look at page number four. So page number one, page number one. And slide number four is a more flat slide. You see there what is marriage? The technical thing of marriage is there, I'm not gonna go over that. But look, it says here in Surah number four, verse number three, obey Allah. To obey Allah is is the reason why you getting married, to gain serenity to procreate to have children. These are the these are the reasons why a person is getting married. I've turned over to the next slide.
slide number five.
See them Satan, Allah Viola Han, who was asked, What is marriage? And he gave this answer.
He said solution. And he said was after that he said that it was after the coup that it was after that.
Say the manager the alarm said, the first thing is a month worth of happiness. Now some guys don't have a month worth of happiness. They have a year's worth of happiness. Mashallah Alhamdulillah and some guys don't have a month worth of happiness, they have a night worth of happiness. In Allahu Allah john. Yeah, let's be honest. He said, you know, just to arrive at he said a month was a habit is what that means is, it's a happiness that does not last forever. That thing that she's dreaming of nothing he's dreaming of. That's not going to last forever and forever. Okay. He said off what is after that? He said a lifetime's worth of responsibility or worry, humo daddy. That's what marriage
is about. Come on. How many mothers and fathers Yes. How many of our mothers and fathers are still like,
I'm so happy. I'm so happy. However, mothers and fathers, uncles and aunts are doing that, you know, when responsibility comes over you, you ain't got no time to think about the beginning stage of marriage. What shaytan makes most people think of is the first stage of marriage, and he makes them imagine that that's going to last for the entire life. The biggest, biggest mistake for most people is to fall in that trap of the shaytaan marriage, the happiness and the blissful of marriage of being with them him have been with him is only for a little moment, few nights, at the most a year, at the very, very, very most two years of three years where you want me to put into that. But after
that, it's now down to reality and its responsibility of Satan. And he said after
he said your back will start to get better mean that old age will come and then he said newzoo covering the last thing you will have to go to the grave. Now Why'd you say that? I say that. He directed the whole thing of marriage towards the Acura to Zathura if a person thinks about it. If you have a good woman who's righteous who's pious, what it was was a lot harder Some say in a hadith Muslim, he said, A dunya kulu hamata. The whole world is a place of ownership and assets and things that belong to you.
And the best belonging, the greatest belonging that a man can have is Alma a to salejaw a pious, righteous woman
is you've got a righteous woman. Let me tell you the story of a righteous woman. Yep. And Alhamdulillah Marcia, some of us have ended up with mothers who are righteous. Some of us who have ended up with wives who are righteous is you've got a righteous wife and Hamlet there's nothing more peaceful than having a righteous wife. Because she will look after you when you're inside the house. She will look after your affairs inside the house. She will look after your affairs when you're outside the house. She will protect your own dignity behind your back. Have you thought little ABV Muhammad Allah? Allah says in Surah number four, verse number 34 that these Asana had carnita.
Have you thought
there are people who are that women who are fulbourn women who are steadfast women who will protect the right right and ownership and honor of their husbands behind the backs?
This is the greatest thing you can have to know that I'm outside the house, and that my wife will still be looking after my honor behind my back. No man is going to enter my house.
No man is going to enter my house without my permission. No person will sit in my house gossiping with my wife backbiting me in my own house about me while I'm outside the house. This is the greatest certainty the comments you can have and the woman if she ends up with a solid
husband, she will know she doesn't have to worry about her husband going out and looking for other women or dating or being with other women behind their back. Now, this thing about polygamy mother discusses come up not only you know these notes, I make notes, but you know what if I go through these notes one by one, as it's all written, the way I thought of it when I sat down,
is not gonna, it's not gonna happen. The reason why is I like to have eye contact with you.
The moment we start looking at notes, I look at inshallah, we'll go We'll check what we've missed out on, but we'll try and get gold soonish. But the moment we lose eye contact, we lose a large part of this whole course, the engagement that we're supposed to have with one another.
Now, we bought polygamy.
If a man is going to decide to get another wife, I will not suggest you, I will really tell you as my as my brother, please
consult your wife, or talk to her first.
Get her agreement.
In most cases, not in all cases, in most cases when men have done or have had another marriage, without the consent of the first wife from the first one after that finds out and she holds a British passport.
upside down. Yeah, she's got a British passport. You have got British bombshells in your house.
You're going to have fireworks in November the fifth the new guy falls,
there's going to be you're going to be roasted in your house, there's going to be a lot of things I'm there's guys who've been lost their honor, the dignity, the trust is the biggest thing that if you lose this one thing, the whole marriage is over. If you lose trust,
listen to me carefully. If you lose trust,
the marriage is over, or almost over or the marriage is damaged so badly that you can't fix it. Trust is key to any relationship.
If you were to ask her, tell her consult her, whatever the case is, and then you went ahead by hand knowing and so on, trust is still there. But if you do it without her knowing, and then she finds out it's betrayal.
And what then happens is, there's hatred. There's hatred that comes in because the Trust has been broken. My brothers and my sisters and sisters as well, please. There's cases that have come across this. hundreds of cases if I tell you the cases, line the line, others cases that I know of have a you know, there's some serious cases a brother turned up one day in my Masjid, after the whole prayer, and I basically, you know, opened the door for him and he looked absolutely in tatters.
And I looked at him I brought him into the masjid. I said, Brother, you Okay, he said, know
what happened to you? So he told me a story.
For the last three days, he hasn't had hardly any sleep. He's hitchhike from Birmingham to London. This was in 99 or something. 1999. And this happened. He hitchhiked from Birmingham to London, to I must in North London,
in Whiteman road. And I said to him about what happened and he said he had a beautiful, he had a beautiful
in a marriage.
And him and his wife. They've been together for several years.
He used to go to work. She used to be in the house. Everything was fine. They had a mortgage, they have bills paid together. You know that joint account bank and all of that. One day he came home.
He came home, he opened his door. He walked inside. The whole place was emptied out. There's no furniture in the whole house. Nothing. No sofas, no beds, no TV. No not No. The whole thing ripped out or taken. So you went to a company is trying to bring his wife his wife's not picking up his wife's the home could imagine what's going through this guy's head. He then knocked on his neighbor's and says Did you know how come the My friend is not in my house. So we saw a we saw a lorry big big truck that came and your wife was there with another man and they basically offloaded everything from your house. So what he went his bank, he tried to take some money out. He had 12,000
pounds between him and his wife. The whole 12,000 was taken withdrawn.
His wife just ended up with another man gone.
And he didn't even have the money to get down to London. That's how bad it was. So I gave him some money for him to eat and so on. And he went to his sister's house somewhere in Finsbury Park, wherever. And that was the case. Now, there are horrible cases or horrible cases when people when people I don't know what happened. I didn't get into the details of abs. I don't know people come to me with marital problems. You know the amount of marital problems things I get. Get
The one thing I tell them I will tell you now is if anyone comes to me with marital problems, even today, I'm going to tell you please consult your local Imam. You know what I'm going to say that because me alone, and the monastery alone with all the different, you know, cases that come to them, we can't deal with them, there's just too much we won't be able to do our own work. And some of the cases you know what it is, you go deep inside. And you either find out that it was an arranged marriage, you find out that they never got to know each other before marriage, or you find out that they did get to know each other somehow, but they got most of the cases I know, they got to know
each other before marriage, most of the marriage are fine. I'm telling you this as in most of the marriages that the couple got to know each other properly in the presence of a man before marriage, the marriage, most of them are fine. Yes, some of them still have ups and downs, and some of breakups still, but not in comparison to the ones that are totally arranged. The ones that are arranged, especially if there is forced marriages, forgetting that, that is something that shouldn't have happened. That is something that the Father, the mother, and the whole clan, or whoever it was, they were responsible on the Day of Judgment, you force a girl into marriage, by making her you
know, put pressure on, there's different types of force one is physical force, get a knife and pray to her throat, as happened. They take you back home, and we take you for a nice holiday.
A shadier holiday.
She calls for a holiday. She gets over there. And this has happened to hundreds of girls, hundreds of them. Perhaps in the 1000s.
I dealt with the case here in Luton, and 12 years ago, two sisters were taken. They got my number Somehow, I came over to Luton, and I saw them I was the case they were taken for holiday two sisters. When they got over there, they, you know, next they found the passports are gone.
They put into a room. And within moments within moments they were told,
right? in a room with all the sisters around them. You get to say, you're going to accept your cousin in marriage. So well, my cousin.
You can kick as much Britishness as you want, right? These are Pakistanis dealing with you, brother, or sister. These are Bangladeshis don't deal with you. There is no, no, the only time you're going to get your right is going to go to the embassy is horrible. Within hours, they forced them they forced I know the amount of pressure they put on them. They said one of them said that there was a knife that was shown.
That is going to get really serious. If you don't say yes. And then after that, they they just have to agree. They were told that if you get married, and you're going to go back to England, if you don't get married, if you don't say that
if you don't accept the word, then you're not going to seeing them again. So they had to do that to get the passers by
what I've been told me how she basically really hit the ground the first night.
And I give credit to her. She beat the guy up the first night. She scratched him good and bad.
But what happened is they got to the embassy, they came back and they were filing now for them not not to come over. And they were in a crisis. And oh, do I mean how can fathers do that to their daughters? Just because you know what happens and and I think this is serious crime. The girl is born, the boy is born. And they're only what the infants, their children. And the guy looks at the he looks at you know, his his cousin or something. And he says 21 years time, your daughter and my son
and I shake hands on it.
And these two babies haven't even grown up yet. You don't know what character they go down. You don't know what phases they're gonna have.
And they made an agreement and this happens. This happens. It's not it's not. Let's not try and not talk about it. Yep. And I want I want people to put an end to this. Because it's a crime where people will end up on the danger do serious questions about Allah subhanaw taala with what they did. What is that girl going to do with her husband that she never wanted to get married to? Okay, she has a kid she hates the kid
kids grow up she does she hates the husband arguments every single day. I know this because I've dealt in I've gone into these houses I've sat there for hours and what the problem was either a forced marriage and arranged marriage I'm not saying all arranged marriages are bad No please don't get me wrong. Some arranged marriages they work out I know somewhere in managing with the 10 minutes sitting 10 minutes sitting they had they looked at each other. They said okay, fine. Yeah, we'll accept each other. They got married and some of them have worked and they do work and please don't get me wrong. But for the British culture for the British because we are different guys. We are
different. We're different breed where people with independence with with independent mind.
We have a certain type of mind, if you're thinking of going back home and you get married, and if you if you seriously want a wife to come home and to do your things that now your mother did it, yeah, just cooking, cleaning whatever and running around, and you're ready to take up the responsibility. Every time she needs a doctor, you're going to basically be there to be her interpreter. She's never going to learn English.
Oh, she learned some of it. You know, now to change the law. She has to learn some of it. But I know women have come here for 20 years, they haven't even learned a single word of English and they're proud of it.
Punjabi, they're proud of it. Right? I know that I can imagine if somebody said this is me once, right? It's true. You sing. Imagine, right? A an Englishman,
English man or English woman goes to Bangladesh for 20 years.
And imagine after 20 years, they don't learn a word of Mongolian. We're gonna say to them farkle.
20 years, they never learned the language. I mean, people were proud of that. Now, if you're happy with that, if you have to run around for every single time, she needs you. Anything wrong in your house, with the children, with your, with your wife, with any appointments with anything you need to do with them. She's gonna call you if you're happy with that. But she's cooking, cleaning everything. She's cooking you five curries, whatever, yeah. If she had permission to do so you should do that as well. If you're happy with that kind of thing. I'm not saying they're all like that, but fine, get married. But if you want to have a wife that understands you, there's a big
difference, because the way we bought the bone bone up, has a big effect in your whole mind and mentality back home. You know, like I've got, I've got certain employees, okay, I've got certain employees that are from back home. And I said employees are most of my employees are from here. Now those employees that From here, I can be straightforward to them. I say, listen, listen, man, what are you doing the man doing? Stop doing that takes me 30 seconds to get the message across, where the guy was back home after saying, You're not going to say something to you. I hope you're not gonna mind. None, hang on. Well, you know, you have to put the cushion after cushion after cushion.
You know, you have to put nice big introduction before you give this much of a message and takes me half an hour to get the message across. This mentality doesn't ever. And if you do it the other way around, you're going to upset them. And if they get upset, that's your relationship. Now with your wife from back home, there's going to be different way we have to deal with it, talk with her, she will have different emotions, she'll have different emotions, she won't know how to relate to you. And when you have kids who are British, and she's from back home, she can't fully relate to them. She's never gone to the to the British system she's ever known. How is it to grow up in a school
where you see women with, you know, women and men around you and you go boys and girls sitting next to each other. Most of us have been through this, she doesn't know what it is to get into a school where you have feelings for another person. But you must still because you start in the mucked up or the mothers are telling you to try and control your gaze, she doesn't know that she doesn't know that technology didn't know any of this stuff. So how you supposed to then, you know, live a life, a life of understanding and the reverse as well, the same British girls have gone and got my two Bangladeshi men or Pakistani men, they've come over here, and some of them are good for nothing. The
vegetables in the house,
the vegetables, now they don't do much. They go out there and they find their own little friends. And that's all their life is. Now she can't relate to them. She has to run around do everything. You know, it's really difficult. I'm dealing with this case. But what I'm saying to you please get it right. Find out what you're getting into that the best way to get around is talk to people who have already got married, and they'll tell you their experiences. If you're thinking of getting married to someone from back home, then please talk to the people who have already done it. And for the British people like yourself, who've done it and ask them the issues. What are they face? And you're
happy with it? Go ahead. If not, please don't make the move. Now the pressure comes from different angles. Like I said, you will have pressure from your parents, pressure from your parents do have parents do have a lot of experience which you don't have.
And that's one thing you will never ever have until you've gone through 20 years of marriage. 30 years of marriage like them. Never ever challenge your parents on this. Never say say to your parents, but what will you understand because they've got a lot of a lot of, you know, experience I experienced you can buy you can read in books, you can read as many books as you want. You can read as many you can listen to as many lectures as you want, but experience you cannot get until you go through it and your parents are gone through it. So if they're telling you things, that she's not a good girl, why not mom, if she says to you because she has got to lose his job. Or she for example,
there's a lot of cases now the case is going more up and up like she
You might be a christian
right? These cases right the guy seen a girl and from university whatever and basically he's got loving his eyes and inshallah want to make her a Muslim
and inshallah should become Muslim but she doesn't want to become Muslim. She's a Christian
but in Islam according to cinema, verse number
five, Allah said Mina Latina Allah is given permission when masa Latina, Latino to look at those women who are but he said very clearly listen to you as much as those women who are, who have
who are chastised the word those people, those women who've got some dignity and honor they're not any Loose Women allies and mercenary, so they already women have dignity, women of chastity, women of that caliber, those women from the People of the Book. So what does that mean? That they actually have got some link to the People of the Book. They're good Christians, good Jewish women, if you want to hear more to them. Now, when we said this is only for the men to give out to women, not the other way around. Women can do this with Christian men, Muslim candidates with Christian men or Jewish Jewish men. But even if you're thinking of getting married to Christian woman or a Jewish
woman, say even or even hotter, bloody Alon, who used to advise against it, because of what he saw.
And you can see yourself as an Imam, I've seen it over many years. I've had cases of a lot of cases. Even recently, one guy came to me in a mosque just the other day, three weeks ago, he came he said, he said he said, You know,
I can't I can't, you know, so tell me what is it? He said, You know, my wife doesn't want me anymore. So what is your wife said? Well, she's she's Christian. That's why married so fine. So you had to Nick is any children said yes, one daughter.
So that was a problem. She just doesn't want me
to mister, she wants me to get the flat. She wants me to leave her alone. Simple question asked him within two minutes, I came to the conclusion of why. I said tell me when you got married to her. What is it that you used to do?
How would you with a DD is to go out with these to have fun with her said yes. We still got the cinemas used to go out you know food or go to certain restaurants. I should take her out. And so I said do you do that now? He said no. I said well, you got your answer. She wants to change her husband. Her husband is not doing what she married. She married her husband that will take her out to cinemas. She married her husband that would take her out for dinner. That's the pretense. That's the actual ground you got my two four. So she wants that. Now you're giving it to her she wants to find a husband that will take it to the cinemas. Now if you found a non practicing girl, or a non
practicing boy, for the girls, I'm saying this not to you guys. When I say boy, I'm not telling you guys, right? For her, if she finds that for you, if you find her, you got to understand this potential thing that inshallah she's going to become practicing inshallah, she's gonna start wearing Hijab inshallah she will become Muslim or inshallah she can become better than what she is. That does not work. I'm telling that does not work. The taqwa level or the level of consciousness you have at the beginning of your marriage. That's what you've accepted each other on. So if you if you then go up in your taqwa, if you become more practicing, and she stays where she is, she can turn
around to you for the rest of life and he can try and grant to you for the rest of your life sister. If they turn around to insane when you accepted me like this.
You get married to a sister without a job, and you've accepted it without a job. And she might have even said okay, later on, I'll be one day one day means any day it could mean the day before she dies. Right?
You might a brother without without a beard, or without certain knowledge you want it and he's promised you that he's gonna start going on courses, he's going to start changing whatever. Don't buy that if you want a practicing sister, you and a practicing brother get them practiced first.
If they're not practicing, don't go for it. The most important part is that the practicing element is there if you if you can have it and the best thing you can have and the next most important thing is the character.
next most important thing is the car now just before I go to the character, I want to say the season Armando hottub. He used to advise against his the Sahaba marrying Christian women Why? Because of what happened later on now give you give you a scenario. A couple of come to my to into my Masjid a few weeks back just a few weeks back.
And the guy in the family didn't want to hit the ball tomorrow, this description girl, but the boy says Now I'm not gonna agree I need to get married to the Christian girl. If you
As a Christian, I can marry her. And if that's the fight that I really want to do it now I put him on the scenario. women say, I don't want you to hear this carefully. I've said
to the boy, is going to be it fine, but he resists Allah isn't going to be able to resist Salah. So I said to him in front of her,
I said, The niqab can happen, according to the Quran fine.
If you finally find with it, the niqab can happen fine. But
I said to the guy straight in there, I looked him sandals and listen, when your daughter is eight years old, when your daughter with this woman is eight years old, and she's not going to wear a job.
And you want her to wear a hijab.
And your wife hasn't got any job and a head
is going to hurt you brother is going to hurt you.
And he or she said she was admitted. He won't mind if I if I'm not wearing it. And he said it will.
He said it will.
And they went off. And they're having some discussion now whether to go ahead whether or not to go ahead. What I'm saying to you brothers and sisters is if you seriously think about the consequences, you better think about it with your children in your eyes. Because you think about it, you do you want your girl to grow up 12 years old put lipstick, poop or makeup, no, he just got down the streets meet men, well, if you want to do that, and marry a woman who starts off like that,
because then you will basically come to, to that, you basically see that, you'll see that that's gonna happen to you. But if you want your girl to have that in her life, your boys to be booked up, you've got to have a certain practice in element, she's got to have that she the mother has to be the role model. If she's not the role model, and it has to come from beginning of marriage, Don't tell me you're going to wait till the end, you know, to to part of the marriage to take days, and then you're going to wait for her to where job is not going to happen.
And if it does happen, you're lucky. If it does happen, you're lucky otherwise it won't happen. Now, when you get down to
let's let's move on with with some of the slides now.
If you go to slide number six,
by the intention
The intention is what to get closer for for Allah sake. In family is important, but that it shouldn't make your soul they shouldn't make your decision for you. You're making the final decision
shouldn't be for entertainment
is a big responsibility shouldn't be taken lightly. Now move on to slide number seven.
There is no such thing I've said already as a perfect man or perfect woman now there's an actual age and a mental age. What I mean by that is though,
you Everyone has this you you're actually you might be actually 22 but your mental age could be 29. Could be 30. Yep. Somebody who thinks far ahead, who acts like those who are 20 something nine in the in the you know, society, then their mental age is 29 while the physical age is 22 or something, but some others they're 22 physically and the mental age is 15.
Yeah, guy, you know, he just can't get serious in life. He still act like a 15 year old is only 22.
So what you got to do is when you look at a potential spouse, you've got to find out what is their real mental age Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam had a massive gap between him and Ayesha, the Allahu Ana, but I showed you Allah one has mental age was much, much higher. At a young age. You can already see her in a heartbeat when she's talking to when she's doing things that she is not the 16 year old.
That was there. She was already like the 36 year old. Like the 40 year old, she was already thinking that she was already acting like that. Or 30 year old and the supersalon could drop if he wanted to drop it to her level, he could do that. So they got on. But not every every time it happens like this. Not every time it happens like this. So it's important that you take that in consideration.
When you have got certain experiences that the other person hasn't got, it might make a big difference. You need to find out if there is what are those things. The culture is a very important thing. Now, you don't have to get married to the same person of your culture
islamically You don't have to, but by your fitrah you may want to now let me make that clear to you.
And Jin soo yummy, no emergency scenario saying
every type of thing
Whatever it is, will always will always find familiarity with its own type. It's a natural thing. It's a natural thing. Right? You have a group of people, I tell you this you have a group of people, the more common nests they have amongst themselves, the more closer they come in groups, the more differences they have the most apart they say, we have no racism in Islam fine, but you give me a crowd of 1000 people with different races and I will guarantee you after within an hour, people of same races will naturally come and meet each other naturally will get closer to each other than people of other races. Now again, I'm not I'm not saying there's racism in Islam, I'm not saying
that but they something where you will be you know, like for example, yeah, let me give you let them give
without Allah who you know, do Medina souls have been created by Allah as like true marshals, just as you sit in rows and you're in columns, the same way individuals are, he has said there are certain characteristics in yourself if another human being has got the same characteristics, he has said they will they will find familiarity and they will like one another. And when vida tala Tana carrot, he said when they have differences in the character, they have disliked oneness with one another. It's absolutely natural. There are some people you just can't get on with. And don't blame yourself for it. Allah has created you like that allows creating either you just two opposite ends
of the creation as how Allah has created you. So the same people, you will not get on the same people. You just meet them the first time and you think man, that guy can be his friend, I can live with him wherever they see people like that. Now, this is what this is character. And Rasulullah sallallahu said what he said four things will be sold. He said you may have German, he may have beauty.
Murali Alba, a woman is married for four things and the same thing you can see in a man if you reverse it, either lagenaria either for her beauty she's married, or she's married for her wealth, or she's married for her, her husband or her her own, you know, her own family name that she's got.
She's got lineage, she's got a high class family or he's got that either for these three things in mind or they're made for the in
the mind for D now Subhan Allah Azza wa sallam said the word Dean Dean has two meanings. Either you meet you marry them for these first three things, but Oh, he married them for because they're practicing. Because they're practicing because they're religious. Because they've got religion inside them.
That's why they get married. But he said out of all of this, he said, choose the de facto or de tatoeba that. He said, choose the deen choose that last thing I've told you the religious side of it. You will prosper. You will prosper your hands will get dirty with dust if you don't listen to what I've said to you.
Now the deen has two elements to it. One is the religiousness that's the in Arabic Deen means that the religiousness the other side of Deen is character Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said in a hadith about Malala Dini Holly, hallion. 11, you Hallelu he said, a man is according to the character of his brother. So you should look at whoever you befriending who his friends already are. Because his friends who already are he will have the similar character to them.
So the same thing about when you get married when you get married, when this will last a lot has been said foster a deed has meant two things here. One is religiousness. And the other one is the character. And it's very important to get that right. But when you meet your potential, what you got to understand is, there's one thing about performance and another thing about character please remember this carefully.
Right now I'm performing right now you performing in front of the marshal line last two hours, you haven't said a single word hamdulillah. If I walk away from you, and I judge you by what you've done, I say Luton, the people, they're such nice people, they sat there without saying a single word. Mashallah, but that's not easy. That's not my character. I can sit here and I can lecture you and I can tell you this about the dean. And as my performance My character is when I'm to myself.
My character is when you judge me with all my actions, whether I'm in front of people when I'm not in front of people, whether I'm seen by others or not seen by others, but it's a nighttime, what is the data whether it's secrecy, whether it's openness, whether it's privacy, whether in public time, when you look at me and you see all my actions, then you will see character. That is why when somebody came to see
say number said, to hold credit. Does anyone know this person? And one person said, Yes, I know him and said and said, okay, have you traded with him? He said, No. Have you had dealings with him in transactions and No. He said, Have you traveled with him? The man said, No. He said, Have you lived with him as a neighbor? He said, No, he said, then you do not know him.
You do not know him. If you don't spend a long time with someone within their own, you know, close to them, whether it's with transaction dealings, because you're going to spend long time with the business partner. You're going to spend long time with the person you're traveling, you're going to spend a long time with a neighbor. If you don't spend that closest you do not know them. Now, this sister of yours, this brother of yours, you do not know them. And the half an hour sittings, you're going to have the one hour sittings each time you come to the house, you will not get to know the character. So what do you do? You have to take reference from the people who know them.
That is a sooner that is a sooner that's why they came to do one another. They went to the one Sahabi went to another Sahabi the Sahaba came to the purple blossom Sahaba yet came to the Prophet last Monday said I want to get married soon, so please tell me about them. And Rasulullah sallallahu is among these occasions he told them about the character. Now that Hadassah said to you one of them does not put his stick down. meaning you're gonna beat your woman if you get married to her. If you're married to him, she's gonna be he's gonna be you a woman. And the other one is at sarlo he says a tight tight. He's not gonna spend on you. He talked about character he talked about not their
performance. The performance was when they see that woman was gonna say you know, shallow,
shallow, shallow, how much how much do you want Alicia
smiles, you know, cheerful faces, you know, to say that you're going to give these and agreements and so on. But that's not characterize performance. So don't get fooled by that by the two.