Anger – Part 4

Hamza Yusuf


Channel: Hamza Yusuf

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The importance of avoiding negative behavior and mindful body language in children is emphasized, along with the need for parents to teach children to be mindful of their body and not allow them to try negative behavior. discipline is also crucial in learning to control anger, and "immediate behavior" is discussed as a result of bad character. The importance of being with people with good character, as it can lead to better health and fitness, is emphasized.

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And then.

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And then he also said, to shut up.

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Also in poetry,

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humility and holiness is always played in poetry. So he's saying that you'll find this in the study are and then

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click on that, and all the stages also in their writing.

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And all of the profits, all of them have been characterized with humility and forbearance. None of them were known as being arrogant or easily angered. They were all known to have hidden were tilava.

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And then he said, whatever,

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you can prevent it, or suppress it by recognizing that there's no action except that it's from a law. So part of what happens when things happen that makes you angry, you have to take some breath and just say, Laila, hey, Lola, this is a badass from Allah, it's a tribulation from Allah, to see a youthfulness, who of you are the best in action. And so the focus of licensed said laser studied, studied,

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The strong man is not the one who can wrestle people down. But the strong man is the one who overcomes his himself when he becomes angry. That's the

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that's the real song, man. It's not the other thing. And one of the things that he says that he says, is, the hamaca of some people, he said, is that they see virility, and this macho type of posturing as a good character or quality, they become completely so and so he said, you'll even see a man who brags about his his criminal exploits, and how he robbed somebody. And and, and find him and, and did these things and who actually bragged about what he thinks is correct.

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But and it's not, it's all. There's no nothing virtuous in it whatsoever. So so that's recognizing that only a lot is the one that you know, the wall, I see that it says First, if you're standing to sit, and if you're sitting to recline, and then is that neither of those helps to go to do and then to start playing. So he does it this way. But doing your boo will actually put off the heat because anger is fire. And anger is from Stefan is the quality of Stefan. And one day the political life for them was there and somebody became angry. And his face became red and his brain started bulging and the political license said Suhana law. Have you noticed how one of you when he gets angry, his face

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starts looking like a surfer.

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And he said, I heard that if he said it, that would be removed from him.

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And I was once in a like a conflict type resolution situation. And it was really interesting because it's are getting heated, and both parties stood up there on couches. And they both stood up at the same time.

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I made them sit down. But that's the nature of anger, you start rising. And the way that you overcome that is to sit down

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just to sit down. If you if you're in a room and you begin to feel anger, leave the room. If somebody's making you angry, just leave the room, go to another place, relax, sit down and let your anger subside. And you can go back and this is a practice of

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duking it out and he's bigger than

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smaller than you everybody sees you as a heel because you're thinking

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the best thing to do is just avoid it. There's no there's no benefit in it.

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This is empty, meaningless.

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And this is best to get out of it. So do that the sooner to do that.

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Cold water to be quiet, to sit down. Right, and then

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to stay

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in the sun. Now, he has that he said that one man wrote a fierce temper actually hired a man to insult him

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and paid him money to say like the outcast and he would listen until

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until he can control himself.

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Probably extreme. But the point is, you know, people took these things very seriously. Because you don't want to have anger. It's a horrible quality. Now, there is a hygiene.

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Angle anger will even affect the best of my own. And nobody displays that better than say that almost, I'll be lying there Norma became very angry. But if you look at Cigna, Omar, his development as a human being in Islam,

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by the end of it all model was not a person that his anger ever got the best of him. In fact, it was the opposite. He would tend to be actually very forgiving. And you can see this in his later periods. And even when he was stabbed to death,

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you know, he asked the first thing he asked, was it a Muslim? And the man said, No, and he just he praised a lot, but didn't kill him. He just didn't want that a Muslim would have done that.

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And that was his nature. You know, I mean, even though he was very ferocious, and a line about law.

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He didn't. And once the province was sitting with women from the place in Medina,

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and Omar came in and they immediately all fled into the other room. This was before that he got pinned down. And they were sitting and they all fled into the room and hid behind this curtain. And Omar comes in, he sees this

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promise laughing and he said,

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Why are you laughing? He said, I'm laughing at these crazy women, when they see you, they flee. And then he went over, and he called these women back. And they said,

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how is it that you, you sleep from me and you're not shy before the Messenger of Allah, he's more worthy to be sizable. And they said, but you're

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more you're meaner and

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harsher than the Messenger of Allah, he doesn't get angry. And he laughed. And he said,

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because we went down a path and go down another path.

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That idea of learning to control the anger is really an example of somebody who mastered that quality.

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But again, he's an artist.

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He wants to get us because there's indignation become angry. Oh, he wasn't even like people.

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That would in a desire to right or wrong. He felt it was wrong. It was always rooted in his belief. We had a very strong sense of justice and the

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word tradition in the earliest.

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I think was there a silver

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Firstly, for children that are under seven, you have to really be careful about becoming angry with them. If they're if they're over seven, then you need to display discipline and they have to be disciplined.

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In fact, interestingly enough, I didn't mention this but in, in the in these three souls, the question was about

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getting angry if you're a teacher and you need to establish discipline

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in the soul,

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the three souls the stages are the first seven years are the opposites of soul. So that's why you see children are constantly eating, wanting, you know, it's all hogwash and fulfilling their appetites of soul. And then the second seven years

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is the hubbub.

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And then the third

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is that the rational or the in?

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this is the first.

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So if they're in the second this is why the Hadith says that evohome the southern and nurb is fulfilling shala

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right because the phones the license said that there's no love in Islam, except one of them is with

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The south. Right, that's a good love to play with your wife and the puzzle item played with his wife, it was mudarabah and this type thing. So the head personality was like a boom, the

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play with them for seven years, during this period of the appetites of soul just allow them to indulge themselves as part of what they're meant to do there. They're discovering the world. And it's all Central, because they've been in a spiritual realm. And now they've moved into the realm of sensory. And so they have to come into their bodies, and they have to experience it. And that's why oftentimes children, things will happen to them that are quite traumatic, like they get burned. In those first seven years, they fall from high places, these are all learning to come into their body. And discovering that they have a body, it's a hikma of a law, that those things happen to children,

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because they're listening to teach them the limitations of the body, that the body has limits, unlike the rule, which is is is a more limitless type of entity, the body is limited, and the study is a protection for the body. Fire, you stay away from high places, you don't endanger yourself. And so, you know, you allow them to discover the world that that those first seven years, it really is discovering the world. And that's

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the root of who lamb is to love.

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To love. So it's a lusty experience a very sensuous, a light touch a lot, children likes to be touched a lot. And it's part of their development of discovering their bodies. And then this period, he said, as the boom, the sudden, now you have to discipline them, because now there needs to be discipline, they're moving into another stage. Right? They need now to have discipline. And the discipline is when you see them getting angry, you don't allow them to do that. Right? Children, you don't necessarily get angry at the parents, you know, that's a bad sign, you have to teach them to control their anger. And if you're not controlling your anger, it's a disaster, to say lay off the,

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if you don't have something, you can't give it to somebody else. So they see you getting angry all the time, they're just gonna imitate the behavior, and then you'll wonder halfway, they get that temper. Right? And it's from you, because you're their model. So that comes in those next seven years. And then he said,

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then Hallelujah, befriend them for seven years, because this last stage is the stage of

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now they're moving into the stage where they need, you know, they need your guidance, they need You more shala they need your counsel, because you're going to help direct them, you know, to learning to where they're going to what they're going to do with their education, those types of things. That's a traditional model in

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any other

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it's interesting, you know, the word for hidden what's what's, what's it mean in Arabic?

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I know but what's the root word?

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So really forbearance is a sign of intellect. Why? Because you have your IVR under control. It's guided by your rational soul. So you're often is working, because the article is it's an A

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is what put the irascible and the concupiscence soul in check.

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For it means to prevent. And that's what the rational mind is supposed to do. It's supposed to keep the above and the shadow in check. And if it doesn't, you're not, you're not having your your MMR or whatever. I mean, that's what they say if somebody gets really,

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you know, you're like a donkey or something like that. Why? Because he's acting like a beast, not acting like a human being. And usually he's a humanoid too, because he's angry too.

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It's a

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very good point. I'm really glad you brought that up, because I didn't. I forgot to mention that. That's a really I'm really glad you brought that up.

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This is really important, because some of us are going to say, Oh, my God, I can't do any of this. It's all too hard. And I'm a mess and I get angry and I do this

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I used too much chocolate or whatever.

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Now, the hubby says, and I'm glad that I was brought this up daddy says in them Mo.

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Mo is 100 knowledge through acquisition.

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you acquire knowledge. You're not born Adam, you become an island. How did you do it through effort?

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is the one who's he struggles to learn, he gets up in the night he studies he read, he goes to the doctor, he listens. He takes notes, he studies he reviews all that data.

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So you weren't born with that knowledge is something that you acquire?

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Is the same thing that he says what?

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Now what happens when you become an item? Somebody who's an item, if you see an item, what does it appear to you?

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You don't see that he was a student. It seems like they always had that. Right. That's what it seemed you don't see when they were doing all their studying and all their work and all the same with the Helene

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was struggling with it. You think it's like he was born that way? It's something you acquire. And that's what, that's what

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he acquired. He didn't. And then

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you have to work for it. It's hard. Now really important point

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that he uses the metaphor of a calligrapher. He says, What do you do when you have a bad handwriting? And this is a metaphor, what do you do when you're angry? He said, you go to somebody who has an excellent hand, and you watch him, and then you ask him to draw you the letters and then you go home. And you keep doing that over and over again. And they're going to be lousy. But suddenly, about a month or two months later, you start noticing there's an improvement, but it's still not massive.

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But it looks much better. And somebody who's not even started, you'll say you have great handwriting. But if the master looks at it, he said this is terrible. Right? Because

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you're moving up in rank. Now what happens when you become a master? You see them drawing like I watched Muhammad Zachary. I took a lesson in calligraphy from him the first lesson I had, and he, I watched him do it. I was like, I can do that.

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Well, I thought that, that that looks so easy. He's a master. He is a master. Like he's American master of calligraphy wins awards in Turkey and things.

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But he, I didn't see all those nights and news that he was doing it. Now he just makes it look like he was born writing perfect calligraphy. And then when I got the pen, start doing it. And it's like jumping up and down. Really, it was hard. He just slowed across the paper. That's because of mastery. And so the same thing happened. Now the really interesting thing about this, so what do you do when you want good character, you do three things.

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One, you learn what it is. You have to learn what bad character is and what good character and that's what we're doing here. That's what we're doing. We're doing the first stage, you have to learn what good character is. And you have to learn what bad character is. The second stage is mudarabah when Latina jahad rufina Lenin Vietnam Suba Donna, those who struggle for our sake, we will guide them to our path. But then you have to live in

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a couple law workroom outside your pain, you have to have

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a model and a genie halevi you have to find people with good character, and you have to spend time with them. And and there's another benefit in being with people who get angry easily. Right, is to recognize how unpleasant it is. And this is why I'm on chapter eight. Once somebody asked him, How did you get such excellent character? He said, I listened to what my detractors said about me and then I looked into my soul to see if it was true. And when it was I struggled with myself until I removed it. Statement Isa was asked by a man wants to how did you get such excellent character and the prophets are born with it, but this is what the tradition says. He said, I looked at the bad

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character of people and I avoided it.

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So part of it is just is doing it Mujahidin, but the third stage is to be with the person who has good character. And he says, Well, how am I doing? Good luck right there. It's difficult to find, but we shouldn't ever despair. And at least we should be trying I'll tell you this stuff. It really works. I'm

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I mean, I know where where I'd like to be. But really, it helped me a lot to learn a lot of these things and to just, you know, try and struggle with myself as much as I can, and hopefully, you know, you get better and you improve, and you do change, right? Seriously. I mean, that was a real serious trouble for me for a long, long time. And it's much less so now. But But part of that is aging, thank goodness, that email saying that it said that news is about a woman in June. It's a type of madness, with a lot of real estate. And the cure is to get old.

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yeah, anger with the parents, that's uh,

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yeah, then you should be angry at the act, not at the Act, or,

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in other words, that should upset you, what's being done the action of the person, but the, if it's your father or your mother, you have to be really careful, if you're able to do that,

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then you should run an effect that is the that would you have is based on Vanity Fair, and not leading to a more a worse fitness. But the parents, you have to be really careful about it.

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In the Prophet, Elijah, my man came to the Prophet. And he said,

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he said that,

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you know, my father takes my money, and it really angers me. And the Prophet told my friend, he said, until nanocavity, as the new annual wealth belong to your father. In other words, he was the means by which you

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were given existence. So the parents really have a high smartphone. And it's not, it's just that's a given. And the best thing to do with the parents is recognize that they're human beings, they have their limitations.

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I had a teacher once, who told me it was he wasn't the most of these very wise person, he was a good teacher. And he said to me once that he thanked his father, for because he taught him how not to be a father.

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And he said, he really did his father was so harsh on him, that he did the opposite with his children. And he said, in the end, he realized that it was a gift that his father gave him. And, and he was genuine in that he wasn't saying, you know, he was saying, you know, I realized, obviously, and that's, that's looking at the good side side, obviously, be better if you had a father with a good example, and showed you how to be a father, not how to not be a father, but the ideas in the worst situation and making the best out of it. And that and that's a gift and that's hikma. Former nouthetic masakazu tsri kaviraj denarius hikma and that's the beauty of this song is that in any

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It can be beneficial for the moment