Channel: Haleh Banani
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
Find ways to get your spouse back, even if you're separated, and there's a smart way to do it. When you're separated from your spouse, it's very difficult to know what to say what to do and how to get your spouse back, there's a group of people who will tell you don't contact them, let them miss you. No contact, no telephone calls, no texts, just let the time pass and allow your spouse to really miss you and want to get back to the nother group of people say, No, you need to contact every single day you need to text the caller, and do whatever it takes to win them back. I don't think either one of those approaches are good, there's a smart way of getting your spouse back. And I'm
going to share with you five points and how you can do that. So the s for SMART stands for stop any kind of push behavior push behavior, is if you are begging or pleading with your spouse, I know a lot of people they feel like this is my family, I can't let it go. So they resort to begging and pleading and crying. And this actually pushes the spouse away. The next thing is crying excessively. Sometimes people think if I just share my emotions, if I just keep crying, they're gonna feel bad, and my spouse is gonna want to get back with me. But again, it's you not being seen as a person that they want to go back to. So they've left for a reason. And you begging pleading and crying is not
the way to get her back. Another push behavior is that you may become overly possessive, you may hover, you may be tracking them down again, the person has already tried to step away, they're trying to get their space. And if you're hovering and tracking, this is not going to help your Chase. I know a lot of people that I've worked with, they get very desperate, they feel like oh my gosh, this is my family, I can't let it go. So they resort to begging and pleading and crying. And this actually pushes the spouse away, because you're not going to come across in a very confident way. This is not going to help your case. So the baking, the pleadings gotta stop. Okay, the next
thing is maybe crying excessively. Sometimes people think you know, what can I just share my emotions, if I just keep crying, they're going to feel bad, and my spouse is going to want to get back with me. But again, you're not looking at your best you're not seen as a person that they want to go back to. So they've left for a reason. And you begging pleading and crying is not the way to get a back. Okay, another push behavior is you may become overly possessive, you may hover, you may be tracking them down, the person has already tried to step away trying to get their space. And if you're hovering and tracking, this is not going to help your Chase. So the M in SMART stands for
manage things together. So if you have finances that you need to deal with, if you have kids, that you need to update your spouse about, do that, and make sure that when you're having this interaction, it's present, that you are sharing a bathroom or a kid's baby the finances and you have it together, you're not bringing up old issues, you're not getting frustrated, you're showing yourself in your best life a case. So the A is allowing your spouse to talk along your spouse to talk when you're having these engagement when you're giving updates. And if your spouse feels safe enough to open up, really make sure that you handle this in the best way. Let them feel comfortable.
Let them feel safe to share with you hold back from saying I told you so or You're so wrong and try at that moment to say something like I'm sure you're gonna get through this. What can I do you sound like you're under a lot of pressure, Can I do anything to help out so when you create a safe environment, then your spouse will open up to you and that's the first step right? If they feel like they can share with you and you're open and you're not pushing them away in any kind of way, then that's going to be a great connection than they are for slurring is respond in a very strong, calm and gentle manner. When you hold yourself to a higher standard. You feel good about yourself. It's a
sense of integrity about yourself. So first and foremost, Allah is pleased with you because you're not stooping down to being reactionary. Second of all, you feel good about yourself. Third, your spouse is going to see it be impressed. So when you're separated, this is your time to really shine to be the best version of yourself to be more understanding to be more mature. And when you do that, the person will reevaluate and say I've seen a different side I feel like maybe they
have matured, they've grown up or they're really looking at life in a different way. That to me, is take it one day at a time. I understand. I have seen people just devastated seeing their spouse walk away or go to their parents home or be served the divorce papers. It is a very devastating feeling. And it's easy to either get furious angry and just want to shake it out of that, or for treats. But if you're not being pushy, so we set the smart way to win your spouse back even when you're separated and you allow yourself to work on yourself, you become the best version of yourself. And sometimes that's what is needed in a relationship. So don't give up. Don't be so devastated but take
positive actions to win your spouse back your subtypes, the base is broken in half, you can glue it back together and sometimes it is broken into 1000 pieces and that makes it challenging. If you're need help figuring out how to redeem yourself how to regain your marriage and how to save your marriage. I would love to help you on 100 ninety.com other courses you can get a lot of free resources. Thank you so much for tuning in so many phones