Myth 9 The Problems Are Because Of You

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Habib Bobat

Channel: Habib Bobat

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Time now for our marriage segment and today we are looking at the final myth. And that is number nine.

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The myth reads, The problem is because of you,

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we have in all the problems in our marriage because of you. So that's the myth, and we'll be inshallah discussing that in a short while. Just before that, let's do a quick recap of yesterday's discussion yesterday was Myth number eight, which was I can multitask, I can listen. And I can do other work at the same time. And we discuss why it's important to give your partner undivided attention. A person can get really irritated when you see that the person is not giving you an attentive ear. And then we looked at the skill of listening, how to listen, we spoke about maintaining eye contact, don't multitask, listen for feelings,

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observe your body language Do not interrupt. Those are some of the broad pointers that we discussed yesterday. While we are discussing myth, number eight. Today's one is the problem is because of you, this is a myth, because we have to understand that problems are always rising, every now and then. And a problem is basically a sum of two people's contribution, or even more for that matter. But generally, it's a contribution of two people, every problem is a contribution of it from the husband's side. And from the wife side, obviously, one party will have the biggest shame day one will be at greater fault than the other. But each party has to understand that I'm also contributing

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to the problem. So each one has to ask himself or herself, how am I contributing to this problem that we are currently facing? And also part of the solution will be How can I assist in playing my role to alleviate the problem that we are facing. So in every situation, it is the contribution from the power from the husband side, and then there is a contribution from the wife side, and you have to be honest, you have to be fair, you have to be unbiased, and you cannot justify your actions. Now it's because of you, you can play the blame game and play shifting the blame all the time that the problem is because of you not because of me, well, you have to understand that the fact of the

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matter is that you also contribute to the problem. So in every situation, you have to be honest, and ask yourself, we are facing this crisis. Now let's say for example, finances,

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how much of it? Am I going to take responsibility from my side, and how much of the responsibility will be on my partner side? So when we are talking about solutions, also, we are going to be saying, okay, from my side, I'm willing to make this change. And from your side, inshallah, I'd like to see that change coming about. So that's how you solve problems, it's a must to think that the problem is only one sided. It's not only one sided, it, it's basically multi fold. And it's multi dimensional. So we have to keep all the angles in mind, sometimes it's two people contributing to the problem. Sometimes it's more people, but in general cases between husband and wife, it's just the husband

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side and the wife side. So we have to understand, in order to alleviate the problems in our marriages, we have to play our roles in it, we have to ask ourselves that, what am I contributing to this problem? What is my share of the problem? And what is the share of my partner, if you are fair in that regard, then I can safely say that you will be able to solve your problems amicably. But if you are going to continuously say it's because of you, guys, you you the problem, you know, you you, then unfortunately, you will not be able to solve any problem because it's going to become about me and you instead of us. So when we put our partnership in front, both partners are willing to take

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the responsibility of the problem. And both partners are equally working together to alleviate whatever grievances they have between the between themselves. For example, the finances issue our speaking about early on. So let's say there's a there needs to be a cut in the in the finances because of the tight situation. So the husband can say, okay, from my side, I can cut down maybe on certain of these expenses, the wife can say yes, I can also cut down on certain of these expenses. I think from my side because of these habits of mine. We the the the battle, the budget is taking a strain. And I think this is my share of the problem. So in that way, both partners are taking

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responsibility. But if you say no, it's because of your spending habits. Yeah, you you You're the one that's fault, at fault, then you're not going to get anywhere with those kinds.

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have arguments and those kind of quarrels. So we have to understand in life in essence, in simple words, if I may put it for you, that they are the problems are always multi dimensional. There's certain factors that we have taken mine, and that is my shape to the problem and you're shatter a problem. How much of responsibility Am I taking? And how much of responsibility Are you taking, and in that we have to be honest, we have to be fair, we have to be unbiased,

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to ourselves and to our partners. If we have that inshallah, that relationship will flourish.