Approach to Talaq
Channel: Habib Bobat
File Size: 16.76MB
Episode Transcript ©
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and Hungary behind me on October 2018 was Salatu was Salam. ala COVID mursaleen amudha
Katana for an image even for Korean Hamid
jeans millennial Nana Rahim. E URI de la Hi, you
know, Huma, so the
honorable Allah respected elders, brothers and mothers and sisters.
Yes, the shadier has permitted to not divorce after the couple have exhausted the channels leading to talaq.
That's what I want to speak about today. The Talat is permitted, the law is permissible in the Sharia of Islam. However, there are certain procedures that the Sharia once a couple to follow before they can actually reach the point of the law.
So on one side, we don't want you to throw your marriage away for every trivial matter. And on the other side, we don't want you to stick around with this abuse over the relationship is not fulfilling the requirements of the nikka.
So Islam says, When there's problems in a home, when there's crisis in the home,
the first thing you do is you try to reconcile, you try to patch up, you try to amend it, you try to make things work.
Yes, we'll get to the luck, we'll get to divorce. But that should be your last resort, not your first resort.
Very often, people push button up on the first instance. But I just want out, I'm sick and tired of this marriage. I don't want to stay any longer in this home. Sometimes it's the husband that's pushing. Sometimes it's the wife it's pushing ahead Enough. Enough is enough. I don't want to hear any older man speaking, I don't want to hear anybody advising me, I just want out. So at that moment, both parties are adamant on breaking the relationship of lawyers say we'll get to divorce. But first try and reconcile. Because Islam attaches value to the relationships in society. When you save in a home, you're not only saving two people's life,
there's children involved. There's the extended family involved, you are saving two entire families all together. It's not just about two people at the end of the day.
So Islam wants you to reconcile first. The Quran goes on to say if after trying to reconcile amongst each other.
After communicating with one another, after trying to identify the issues amongst themselves, they could not come right. The second step Islam says forgot for hackerman min. Lee, welcome a minute in early health.
Choose somebody senior in the family on his side
and choose a representative on her side.
And let the seniors get together and try to iron out the issues amongst themselves. And what a important juncture, this is.
When we employ the help of somebody outside,
we are bringing in fresh angles,
a fresh pair of eyes, they are able to see things differently. They can draw your attention to other matters, which you might not be thinking about at that time. And which could be very crucial. So I was appointed representative from his side, appoint a representative from her side. Let the two parties meet. And let's see how we can make things work. And unless is an amazing thing. in Eureka is law high university level but you know, man, if both parties are sincere, and if both parties are genuine about the endeavors of reconciliation, Allah says I will give them my husband novocaine.
Allah says I will give more hugs and love again to that capital, provided they are sincere and they are earnest in what they are doing.
The question is,
are we throwing in the towel too early? Or are we taking unilateral decisions? Are we pursuing the necessary channels before we even get to the last
So Allah says I am the one that mentions people's religions. I am the one that turns mohabbat people low and the murfin out the Jamia, Allah says you can spend the entire world contents to unite people, Allah says you can't do so. Well, I can't know how, but also count Allah says, I unite people, not you.
So if the couple is genuine, and they really want to reconcile, and they really want to make it work, Allah says, I will do the person to crank them up and navigate.
But this effort involved.
So that's the second process. The third part, if through arbitration, you are unable to identify issues, go for counseling,
call for counseling.
And yes, if after counseling, things do not come right, then the sherea doesn't want you to stick around also.
For example, with the mouse moving out the cerebrum beside, you either keep your wife and your partner with loving affection or kindness, or you let her go with payments.
So these are the processes we need to keep in mind when we're talking about divorce. We'll be talking about the law. The law is permitted as the last option, not as the first option. How many people sit with regret a few months down the line? When I only realized my folly and my mistake at that time, if only I realized how foolish I was at the time, if only I realized how any angry I was at the time.
So palla should be a photo process. It should never be done in the fit of anger. It should never be done haphazardly. It should never be done without consultation.
pursue the avenues before you actually reached out.
And I want to emphasize here when you are having crisis in your home, if you are unable to make it home on your own, then trying to get some assistance from outside in terms of counseling, in terms of getting orlimar involved or somebody seeking involved.
Because when you do things on your own Shakedown will push for divorce and nothing else. There's a beautiful Muslim Sharif in the shape and
shaytaan Jew when the day commences, he sends his cronies out into the world to create mischief.
For operable, whom is a human zealot and are
the closest to shaytaan is that crony who can create the greatest of mischief
One of his disciples would come came at the end of the day and report back to him and say, You know what, today I went out and I made this person do so and so crying, she will say
you haven't achieved anything great for you to offer, another person will come another disciple of sedano coming to think, mentor who had to be no
solution fun, I pushed so hard between that husband and wife, that make sure that before I leave the divorce,
she can become becomes so happy, so happy that the embrace of difficulty of ease.
So when you're doing things on your own shaytan is the third, he will make sure that he makes you think that divorce is the only option at that moment. And he makes you believe and he makes you think that once you get out of this relationship, your problems are ending.
And people push harder, they only want divorce.
So I'm emphasizing when these problems, try to resolve your matters with the third party. The benefit of that, let's say you get a scholar involved, the benefit of that is he will be able to keep both parties attend. And you will be able to work with both sides. Because of his neutral position. He can liaise with the party as well as the boys party.
And he can draw the wisdom of the Sharia and the Quran in the sun that is Allah has bestowed him with.
I also want to emphasize that before you get to Palau explore the reasons why are you actually opted for divorce?
Are you divorcing because at this moment you are so angry
opting for divorce because of your ego at times is a clash of personalities is a clash of egos. And nine out of 10 people are divorcing because of ego reasons, personalities involved. I don't want to pick up from my position, or she doesn't want to pick up from her position. Yeah, let's, let's let's find for divorce.
And so explore your reasons. And the amazing thing is that when you go into the reasons, when you do soul searching, you realize, for a trivial matter, you are willing to sacrifice all that you have.
So explore the reasons. Is it a genuine reason why I'm pushing for divorce? Or is it something trivial? Can I can I make it work? Can I make it work? And the reason why Islam values relationship is because at the end of the day, the children who live at home, they can grow up amongst both parties amongst the father and the mother. study what psychologists say about children when the parents are going through a divorce. children between the ages of three to nine years of age deplete themselves,
to even see small children coming to me asking for anything anymore. I don't want anything anymore, Daddy, just you and mommy must work together. Please tell the new people don't fight.
And our psychologist the impact of divorce on children between nine and 13. They become independent. They feel betrayed. his mistress, psychologists say that this age through feel a parent's was selfish. They put their own interests before the children's interest.
And psychologists say that these children then grow up to be aggressive adults with a lot of anger, and a lot of hostility. And I can tell you this as a teacher, you see the child only 19 years old, the amount of aggression he's got in his life. This is mind boggling. Because he can't cope with what's happening at home. It impacts on the performance of schools, suddenly you see the grades falling,
a child that was bright and was excelling in his study. Now suddenly, he's failing.
That's the impact of divorce on children. And that's what we are saying that when people are filing for divorce, keep all the angles in front of you. It's just not a matter of husband and wife. There's too many people's lives involved in here.
Nine out of 10 people sit with regret later on in life, especially people who did not follow the protocol and the procedure.
So I've discussed number one, try to identify issues amongst husband and wife. Number two, try to get arbitration between the two families. Number three, if that doesn't work, go for counseling. Number four, if you have to opt for divorce, they do it the right way.
The profit of a loss of a loved one is animosity that he got the information of a Sahabi who divorced his wife, and he gave all three divorces. He became so furious. And he stood up among the Sahaba. And he said ma haidakhan What is wrong with people? What is wrong with people? Are you allowed to be keytab in law?
Are people making a mockery of the Quran in the Kitab Obama one summer life.
So if there's a need for divorce, then do it the right way. Do it with the guidance of a scholar because a scholar will help you and now that marriage.
And the benefit of that is if tomorrow you want to leave on side is hope.
So, the husband must divorce his wife in the following manner. I'm not going to go into too much details but I'm going to speak about the important part of the luck. If the husband has to issue the divorce, then let him divorce his wife in a period
where he has not had relations with her.
Number two, she is in her clean cycle. She's not going through a menses and number three, let him divorce her by issuing one law only.
Allow me to reiterate that
the husband can allow the marriage by issuing one not only
it is a misconception, a widespread misconception to think that the husband has to divorce his wife three times in order to dissolve the marriage
That is incorrect. That is wrong. It is strongly abhorred by the Sharia.
one bullet in Buddha talk, you don't need to waste the other two. Allah is an amazing thing. lanova you're
Allah says, Give one divorce, because you don't know what the future holds. Allah says, perhaps after a few months, after few years, you want to get back together, the option still remains because you only issue one.
And let me clarify, if the husband issues one divorced his wife,
and he allows her to set her in that period,
she is free to marry whoever she wants.
Once the wife completes her interest period, she is free to marry whoever she wants. And if she wants to remain single, that's her prerogative. There's no compulsion. She's free, it's her own choice.
If you really want to dissolve matters, then do it the right way.
And the husband is also free to marry wherever he wants. But the Sharia is say, issue only one divorce. because quite often we see the scenario, that few months down the line, the parties realize that it's better to be together than to be separated like this. Because children are suffering, families are suffering, we are suffering. Let's try and reconcile. But that can only happen if you do it with the guidance of a scholar or somebody learned.
Now let's take the example of a husband we should all three divorces, the game is over.
Now you can try buckets of tears. When I never meant it. I was angry. I was furious. I wasn't in my senses. I wasn't in the right frame of mind, my brother, there's nothing that I can do. There's nothing that anyone can do to help you out.
So if divorce has to take place, let it be the right way. You divorce your wife once and only once. And you allow her to sit down.
Let her finish a debt and let her move on.
For more details with regards to my side of the law, please approach your local weatherman and get more guidance.
The next thing I want to discuss and which is very important.
Once the tala has taken place,
both parties need to respect each other.
The Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam said, the worst of people on a day of piano are those people who are intimate with each other. And after that, they go about publicizing the intimate details of the relationship.
It is unethical for the husband as well as the wife to publicize the nature of the relationship and what happened between closed doors to the world out there. Whether it's on Facebook, or whether it's on any other social media platform, you know, my husband what he did to me, you know, my wife what she did to me, that is not permissible at all. lie to him. So, Allah says Allah does not like people who go out publicizing the faults of others
and the poor and put it so beautifully. For MC for Mr. Roofing. Neto would not be mouth.
If you are opting for divorce and do it with kindness. Just as you brought your wife into your Nita with respect and dignity in the same way, in the same way, let her leave your home with respect and dignity intact.
Yes, divorce is permitted, but do it the right way.
let her leave your home with respect and dignity. It does not behold a believer to mock rundown or ridiculous partner after the divorce has taken place.
I want to emphasize another important aspect here.
If there's children involved in that marriage, remember
by divorce, technically your relationship of husband and wife is over.
But your role is a father and mother is never over.
Which means that you will have to work with each other for the rest of your lives, because there's a child involved.
And I'm saying to the parties, Don't be selfish. The children don't deserve this, if they have to go through divorce, and number one, take them for counseling, let them come to terms with what's happening. Number two, put your selfish ego behind you.
And put your children
seven years old,
eight years old.
Just the effect of karate is so devastating. Imagine witnessing the next 15 to 20 years of both mother and father fighting with each other.
For the mother trying to poison the child. You know, your father is like this, you know what your father do together. Or vice versa, the father trying to poison the child is so innocent.
He needs a healthy environment to grow up in, he needs to focus on his life ahead. He's got his career ahead of him. Put your selfish ego behind you. Leave your petals behind and look at the relationship between you and your children.
It is not fake. It is not fair. It is not fair, that children have to bear the brunt of the divorce. They are too innocent. They are not soon, they cannot go through this.
We need to put our battles aside, when it comes to our children. allow them the room to prosper, allow them the room to grow up in a healthy environment. And I feel that the families play a bigger role here than anyone else.
The parents on both sides need to make them understand my daughter. Things did not work out between you and your husband. I understand that. But today we have four children to worry about.
Let's put our differences aside for the sake of our kids. For the sake of our kids, let's put our differences aside. And let's see how we can help them grow. And I'm telling you, it is possible to nurture children, even after divorce when we respect each other.
Yes, we had your differences. Yes, things did not work out between the two of you. But now there's another opportunity. It is you and your children. It is not fair, that we use them as tools of manipulation for our 3d endeavors. That is not right.
May Allah subhanaw taala give us the Tofig and the ability to practice on what has been said. In summary, I mentioned that if this crisis in the home, the Sharia once the couple to discuss it amongst themselves through mutual communication and dialogue. If that does not help the Sharia says go for arbitration, appoint a representative from his side and from her side and let him work out things. The third thing that Sharia wants, if that does not work, go for counseling. Firstly, if these channels do not produce any fruitful results in the Sharia also says you can opt for divorce, but do it the right way. And the right way is the husband issues one divorce in a clean cycle
without sharing the bed with her and it allows her to go through with it. When the internet is finished. She is free to do whatever she wants. And lastly, I mentioned that let's keep the children ahead of us when a divorce takes place. Yes husband and wife relationship is over. But the fact that you are a father or mother that can never be taken away from you, you will be made the father and the mother of the child. And so you need to work hand in hand with each other to see how the child can prosper amarena