Channel: Habib Bobat
Series: Habib Bobat - Islam and intimacy
Islam and intimacy is a 6 part series which covers the Islamic perspective on bedroom matters. Islam is a complete way of life. It provides guidelines on every sphere of life,
from Taharah & Salah, to business, inheritance & marriage.
Likewise, Islam has taken in to account the private moments of a believerâs life. It has provided complete guidance as far as sexual relations are concerned. Scholars have dedicated exclusive chapters to this subject matter.
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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen Wa La Kuba to limit the pain or salatu salam ala MV mursaleen mavado.
As an introduction, I'd like to start off with few broad points to set the scene and to help you understand the subject with the correct perspective in mind inshallah, the first thing that we must understand that Islam is a complete way of life. Allah says Aloma, Kemal Tula, come Dina come to La cumnor Mati worldly to Allah como la mattina.
To today I have completed and perfected for you your religion.
Now perfection and completion is not only limited to our ibadah, to our devotional worship, that is the Hajj, Salah. So fasting that is on its place. But perfection is not only limited to that, when Allah says we have perfected our religion for you, he meant the entire religion, and every sphere of a person's life is covered in the Sharia.
So if you look at the Sharia, it tackles every aspect of a person's life. It speaks about the aqeedah which is the belief system of a person what to believe what not to believe. It speaks about rabada which is our the Hajj, fasting, Salah prayer, and all other forms of Iboga. The Sharia has also gone to great lengths to address our financial transactions and our financial dealings. That is the monetary aspects of our life. The Sharia has also address Mashallah there is our communal etiquettes how to interact with people on a general level. The Sharia has also taken into account the lack of a person. So it's a wholesome picture.
And it's a misunderstanding to think that the Sharia is only limited to the masjid as far as Salah is concerned. As far as Koran tilava is concerned as far as Vicar is concerned. We should not limit the Sharia only to these tenants have to it's a complete picture. It's a complete kit that Allah has given the Muslim Ummah when he said a nomadic multi lacantina comb. If you look at one of the classical books taught in the Hanafi madhhab, which is called hedaya. It's in four volumes, spending over 2000 pages, which is taught in every download Amina every major data.
Only the first volume is dedicated to devotional worship.
The balance three over 1500 pages dedicated to Penal Law, marriage, divorce, inheritance,
business, trade, commerce. So as you can see, it even touches on politics. Because this oma has passed through such phases, where they were the leaders of the globe. If you study the Ottoman history, there is a leader amongst the Ottomans known as swayman. Mooney was known as a man cannone, one of the best leaders of the Ottomans.
If you look at his sophisticated Penal Law, from A to Zed, even the Europeans have taken from his way of ruling a country. So Islam the point of emphasizing and impressing upon you is that our Deen is complete, it covers every aspect of our life. A non believer came to a Sahabi and this narration is recorded in Muslim Sharif, the Sahaba sermon or Farsi, and this man mockingly said a non believer he said, Luca da lahmacun NaVi eucom kulesza. In Hatton Hara, writes, it's rather strange that your prophet teaches you everything. He even teaches you how to answer the call of nature.
But he said this mockingly.
He said this condescending
but this Sahabi he replied with a lot of pride. And he said, a gentle indeed. Lockard Nana sallallahu alayhi wa sallam an equivalent of your op Bolin? He said, Indeed, you're right. Our Prophet has taught us everything. He even taught us how to relieve ourselves and answer the call of nature. You know what he said to us? He said when you are in the bathroom, when you are answering a call of nature to not face the Qibla. So and then he said, What do you mean, we should not use our right hand to wipe or clean ourselves. So this hobby felt a sense of pride that you say mockingly to me that your profit
to everything, but I'm telling you what a sense of pride that yes our Nabhi has taught us everything, even the aspects pertaining to answering the call of nature. And that is why the details found in our religion is not found in any other religion. So, look at any chapter of a person's life, any chapter, you will find that there's no gray area. There's no gray area, and 1400 years down the line, the Quran and the Sunnah is still relevant and appealing to every aspect of our life. So my first introductory point is that Islam is a complete religion. It covers every aspect of our life. intimacy is one aspect of our life, just as other aspects of life is important to the sherea
sherea has taken into account our conjugal relations.
So it's part of the bigger picture, understand that.
The second point I want to start off with the aspect of modesty.
We often think that you know, what about modesty Marana? You can talk about things like this.
We must understand
that the Prophet of Allah was explicit. by us being implicit, are we implying that we more religious than the Prophet of Allah,
the prophet of Allah was open about these matters, in what Hadith he said, in Allah, Allah is a mental health, that nissa tea at berry hinda Allah has not shy away from mentioning the truth, to not approach your women through the rear passage.
This is explicit content.
He said Allah does not shy away from mentioning the truth. Do not approach your women from the rear passage.
So if the Prophet of Allah was explicit, by us being implicit, are we implying that the Prophet of Allah is not as religious as we are now?
So what is the is in its place? Every gathering has its decorous. Every gathering has its own persona. And every gathering lives up to a particular standard. Yes, there are ways of addressing issues, there is the aspect of decency, there is the matter of addressing it in a way where it does not offend anyone. But as far as addressing these issues, it's important Mujahid Rama to Lala used to say, la, la la la la la la, la, la La Mota. kabiri to people will never benefit and will never acquire knowledge. Number one, a shy person. And number two, an arrogant person. a shy person is too scared to ask you how you
can ask you this question, man. So he's good. He live in oblivion. He lives with the wrong understanding of the law, but he won't ask the question. So a shy person will not learn. And number two, an arrogant person will not learn because he can belittle himself or humble himself and go to the next man and say, You know what, please help me. Explain to me certain aspects of tea. So two things.
One is shyness, and one is arrogance. Yes, modesty has its place. Once the Prophet of Allah was set in an eyeshadow, the alota Allah was also there. And a lady came to ask a personal question. She asked the Prophet of Allah a personal question.
And the Prophet of Allah gave her the answer. After she left, the prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam continued with whatever he was doing, but I shadowed the alota Allah now witnessing all this, she said nehama nissa nissa will answer lamblia conium nominal higher. And yet,
she said, How praiseworthy are the people of Medina, and how praiseworthy are the women of Medina. shyness does not stop them from gaining a deeper understanding about the religion. So Panama.
It's a lady asking, Who not ordinary men, the prophet of Allah sallallahu sallam. This is the kind of access to head to the Prophet of Allah. This is the kind of approachability, the prophet of Allah head that anybody could ask them regarding anything, whether it's an intimate question, or it's a general question. They could approach the Prophet of Allah because he is the Sharia.
And I need to bring my entire life according to his desires. Mohammed Abdullah, Salah Mahajan sallam, and if you look at our orlimar in the past, many scholars have addressed the issue of intimacy. If you look at Mr. Masako largely in his book, his famous book in here
lumic Dean, he has a dedicated chapter on intimacy. Likewise, attribute nabawi by yBnL piramal Josie Rahmatullah Lee. He also has a dedicated chapter on this. Number three, you got a shout out to Nisa by Emma Missa, Iran to lolly, so the owner of the pass, and the owner of the recent times continued to answer these questions. And they continue to provide guidelines on these methods, even though at times it becomes awkward, but you rather compromise the awkwardness and bring your life in alignment to the sooner as opposed to live in the wrong version of the massage. That's the second point.
The third point I want to explain here is that
the need for Islamic guidance in sexual relations we live in in a highly sexual world.
And we are bombarded on all fronts. You pick up your phone, you want to do simple browsing. innocently, you're looking for something and you see an advertisement pop up. Or you see on groups, wherever you go, you can avoid this.
It's an extremely active world. That's why our children are becoming bothered and mature in this age, younger than what they were previously, because of the access of the internet. Because of internet dominating everyone's life here, the young, the old, the male, the female, the educated, done, educated, everybody is influenced by social media, by mainstream media and whatever we see and hear around us.
Now, in an environment like this, it is so important for us to get the correct version
of the Islamic perspective as opposed to going by the mainstream view, because at times it is highly problematic. Because they cross they they cross the borders of higher of modesty, they cross the borders of permissibility in their intimate life.
So the need is there, it's a genuine need.
And many times a person wants to bring his conjugal relations and his internal affairs according to the sooner but he's shy. He can't, he doesn't have an avenue to learn. So this kind of platform is excellent Mashallah, to educate and equip ourselves as far as the teachings of Islam is concerned.
There are many times
people abstain from certain acts of intimacy, thinking that it is haram.
And certain times, people indulge in certain acts of intimacy, thinking that is halaal, whereas it is haram.
But men will never query.
So the need is genuine, it is important for us to understand the environment that we are growing up in, and in the school environment.
They've got proper curriculum, to teach our youngsters about sexuality.
You're not going to talk to you about it, but he's going to learn is either going to learn the right version or the wrong version.
Every child will go through this curriculum, whether you like it or not.
Even Muslim schools are required to teach this. They work their own way around it. But it's part of the requirements from the government side. So you they are already been educated in this regard, is just a question. Are they been educated and schooled in the right way, according to the norms of the Sharia? Or are they been educated in the wrong way? So people already have knowledge.
And the fourth point that I'm going to mention that people are going to fulfill their needs. It's either they gotta fulfill it the right way or the wrong way, but there's not going to stop them from fulfilling their needs. You ever heard the youngster know, you know, man, I never studied this chapter. So I'm not going to do anything. You ever heard a youngster like that?
He's going to fulfill his needs. He's either going to do it like an animal, or it is going to follow the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu Allah subhanaw taala. And the first point which I want to discuss this evening is tolerable or me farinata. Nada couldn't be Muslim. To acquire knowledge is compulsory upon every believer. Now the understanding of this hadith is that whichever phase of your life you are going through at that moment, whichever laws of Sharia are incumbent upon you to learn it is necessary for you to learn for example, if a man doesn't have wealth, for him to learn about Zakat is Mustafa. It's recommended. But if a person has wealth and he has excess wealth, then to
learn the rulings of Zakat becomes for him.
It is compulsory
For him to learn, then the rulings of the car.
If a person is not married, then to learn about marriages must happen. But if a person is married now to learn about it is part of
so the rules of intimacy will be the same.
If a man is not married this Mustafa he can learn about it, it's recommended, but if a person is married, then it is compulsory for him to learn. What does the Sharia say, as far as intimacy is concerned, both for the male and for the female. So it's important, we must have this understanding. So with these five broad points once again, number one,
Islam is a complete religion.
It covers every aspect of our life.
halal Haram, trade, commerce, inheritance, marriage, divorce, Penal Law, everything. It also covers intimacy. Number two,
modesty has to be understood in its proper context.
Yes, there needs to be the decoration and the decency for every gathering.
But that should not stop you from acquiring the proper understanding of the masala that's very important. Number three, I mentioned to you the need for Islamic guidance as far as sexual relations that concern because of the situation that we find ourselves in. And number four, I made mention to you that
the knowledge for each phase of your life is important according to what you're going through.
I explained to you the muscle of the car I explained to you the muscle of Hajj I explained to you the other masala all these will tell us that at this moment in my life, whatever I'm going through, I need to understand what does the sharee or say to me? What does the Sharia say as far as this particular aspect of my life is concerned? Moving on further, what I want to discuss is that
the first thing that we discuss is the intention behind everything that we do. And intimacy is no difference. intimacy is no different. We perform Salah we have to have an intention, we give the car we have to have intention. If a person gives the car with the intention of normal so the car is the car is not better, you have to make the right intention. Likewise, if a person is going for Hajj, you need to make an intention a person is making will do you need to make an intention. intention is an integral part of our Deen and the Sharia emphasizes that before you start anything, rectify your intention, even when it comes to the matter of intimacy.
So what is the intention that the person should have?
The primary intention that the person should keep in mind is not that you should make this intention but he should keep in mind is that I am fulfilling my need in a permissible way. And I'm protecting myself from Xena and Haram.
The Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam said, When any of us go out, and you are attracted by a woman, a beautiful woman, he said, you can fulfill your needs by returning home, at fulfilling your needs with your wife. What is he telling us
that don't follow your temptations, don't follow your desires and follow it up by Haram. And this is what's happened in the corporate world of law protect us all. The Prophet of Allah said you have a gize and a permissible outlet
for you to fulfill your needs, and that is your wife or your husband.
So the primary intention is that Oh Allah, I am fulfilling my needs, through a halaal Avenue which you have provided, and you will be rewarded for them. The Prophet of Allah was explaining this and he said wolfi booderee are highly consider having relations with your partner is an act of sadaqa. So the Sahaba were, you know, astonished?
Allah, how is that an act of worship? And how is it an act of sadaqa? The Prophet of Allah said, Tell me, oh, my Sahaba if this very same action was done with somebody else in a different setup, wouldn't it be haram and Xena And wouldn't you be liable for a penalty? They said yes, you want to be a law. Then he said why not in the right way. So the primary intention is to protect ourselves from Xena and also to fulfill our needs in a permissible way. That is the intention a person should keep they are the intentions that Allah mentioned. For example, for procreation for India, McAfee will be Kumamoto malkia, the prophet of Allah said, I am going to increase. I want my own man to
increase the numbers because you will be represented my own mind my nation they have. So for procreation purposes, it is always
permissible to have that intention.
But don't go into the bedroom. Thinking of the lady you saw today outside and thinking your wife that is that that is the wrong intention that is haram.
That is haram and that only you and Allah knows
what is in your heart
is only a law that is able to read, your wife will never pick it up. But you can go and become intimate with your partner, fantasizing of another lady or another men once you have interrelation that is the wrong intention.
That is the wrong intention. It is haram to do so we should not do so in any circumstances. We'll stop at this point. And that is the intention part. In our next session. We'll go into the actual subject. And we'll look at the four key mosyle pertaining to the fear of intimacy in sha Allah.