Fatima Barkatulla – You Can Raise a Hafiz? – My Muslim Family

Fatima Barkatulla
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of memorizing the Quran in the context of raising children, emphasizing the importance of firm foundations, disciplined action, and a life long revision in building a whole human being. They stress the importance of practicing and learning to read the Quran, as well as the challenges of introducing children to electronic devices and creating healthy environments. The speakers also touch on the importance of establishing a healthy relationship with one's child before reaching puberty and the need for parents to be mindful of their children. They emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and avoiding behavior.
AI: Transcript ©
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hamdulillah my,

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my little course, as part of my Muslim family is called, you can raise a half of okay. And I think the reason why I really wanted to cover this topic in particular was that I myself when I first became a mother, I think even before I became a mother, I had this dream that I would love my child to memorize the Quran. I myself was memorizing the Quran, but I hadn't completed memorizing, I still haven't completed memorizing the Quran.

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And so, because I hadn't, I think it was kind of really daunting. And I think a lot of parents can identify with that feeling, you know, that? Well, if I have done it, then how can I raise

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a child that memorizes the Quran and becomes a companion of the Quran? Right? How am I little could add the carrier of the Quran, which is, you know, the noble title that in Arabic, we give people who memorize the Quran.

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And so I think because I went through that journey, myself and Al Hamdulillah, now I have, you know, my eldest son, he memorized the entire Quran, before his GCSEs he finished that.

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And my second son is also nearly finished, he took a break, and now he's finishing off this year, and my other children have also memorized significant portions of the Quran. Because I've got that experience. And because, you know, we went from feeling like it was impossible to have hamdulillah in London, you know, in northwest London, in the middle of nowhere, basically, we're in terms of Quran, you know, Quran teachers and things like that, because we managed to do that I thought, you know, if I can help one parent out there, and just demystify it and make it a bit easier, you know,

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then that will be a great thing, you know, I just don't want anyone else to have to feel to give up basically, in their journey to raising a half of

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so in my course, first of all, Oh, one thing I have to point out, if you're wondering, like, whether it's for you, I understand it can feel daunting. And that's because

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just to be really upfront about it, you know, raising a half of raising a child who memorizes the Quran, it is something that I see as a lifestyle choice, you know, you're making a decision that is going to affect your family in a very positive way in sha Allah, and your child. And it's going to potentially affect generations to come, you know, some of our family, especially those of us from India, and Pakistan, etc. It used to be a, almost like a, like a cultural, what's the word tradition, right, for every generation to at least have a half of you know, like, I know, that was the case of my family anyway, like, my dad would tell me that, you know, every family should have a

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half of that was or an alum, you know, that was seen as a positive thing because, you know, you've got all these kids in sha Allah, you should direct at least one of them, I would say all of them sha Allah

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to the service of memorizing and learning and seeking knowledge, you know, for the sake of Allah.

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So there's that but I'm but the thing that I want to tell you that it's hopefully going to really convince you that you can raise a half fifth and that you should raise it have it is the feeling that you're gonna get when your child begins to lead Salo salah. Right, but begin see the Salah, and especially if they memorize the Quran, and they can lead you in taraweeh prayers

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is a completely indescribable feeling. You know, as a mother, it's like, you know, first time I was praying behind my son, and he was leading the Tarawih prayer in her local Masjid. I was standing there with tears streaming down my face, right? Because it was like, a dream come true is the most beautiful feeling.

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And so, you know, if you've got any doubts, put those doubts aside. If I can do it, you can do it. Then of course, there's there's so many rewards. There's so many rewards in raising a habit, right? We know that.

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Living in the West, sometimes we worry that you know, those of us who are in the West, or who are in countries where, you know, there isn't an Islamic culture. We

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worry that you know, will our children grow up as believers? How will they hold hold on to the path? Well, one of the ways is for them to feel a strong connection with the Quran. Because the Quran is a Shiva, it's a healing and the cure. It's guidance, the words of Allah and the prophets. Allah says, I'm told us the best of you is the one who learns the Quran and teaches it.

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So you're basically setting your child up to be one of the best of people, right? Also, we know that every letter of the Quran is credited as a good deed, right? And that's multiplied.

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Also, as a parent, you'll be rewarded for your child memorizing Quran, there's there's a number of Hadith about this.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the likeness of one who reads Quran and memorizes it is that he will be with the righteous honorable scribes with the angels, and the likeness likeness of the one who reads it and tries hard to memorize it, even though he finds it difficult, he will have to rewards. And then he also said

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whoever recites the Quran and acts according to what is in it, his parents will be crowned on the day of resurrection with a light, brighter than the light of the sun, in your worldly houses, where it among you, okay, SubhanAllah. So, not only is there a reward for the Halford, but there's reward for the parents. So

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in my little course, I have a framework, a six part framework that I basically encourage parents to follow. And the reason why I created this framework is,

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you know, it's very easy when you're a parent to become really obsessed with your child memorize the Quran, and in your desire and your passion for your child to memorize Quran, you can actually start ignoring and neglecting other areas of their lives. And we don't want to do that, we don't want to do that, because we want to be holistic about it, you know, we want to raise a whole human being, we don't just want to read somebody who's excellent at memorizing Quran and then has neglected every other area of their life. Because if we do that, then that child can grow up to resent the Quran, right.

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And also he can grow he or she, by the way, of course, is for girls as well, he or she could grow up. And then forget the Quran. Right? There's so many fathers out there, who are exhale five, right people who used to, or who had to memorize the Quran, and then they left it. And I think this is why I call it a lifestyle choice, because you're not just getting your child to parrot memorize something, right? You're making it a part of their personality and identity. And you're creating the environment and the social situation as well as

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almost like curating

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the friendships, the mentors, the

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the lifestyle, that your child's going to need for life,

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to after they've memorized it, and then, you know, maintain it, and make it a part of their life. So I'll tell you what the six parts of my framework are. And then maybe just talk about one of them in more detail. Of course, if you will, if you'd like, the full details of the framework, then you can, you can, of course go to,

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you know, actually attend the course. And then of course, you'll get the framework in detail. So the, the six parts are, number one, vivid vision, number two firm foundations, number three, disciplined action, number four, maintaining motivation.

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Number five, integration, meaning integrating the Quran into your, into the child's personality and life. And number 12. Sorry, number six, life long revision, lifelong revision. And so, with these six areas of focus, what I'm really trying to do is to bring your attention to six things that I think you know, are really important in order to be a successful parent of a half, and in order to raise a half have or have for that successfully.

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So let's just go into one of them. firm foundations, I think the second one. So

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in when I'm talking about firm foundations, one of the things I talk about is you know the importance of your

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A child, at least memorizing just Amma. Right because I'm gonna is the 30th part of the Quran. And one of the things you can start doing even when your child is like, three, four, even younger, to be honest. In fact, I would say even while your child is in the womb, you can actually start doing this, you can start reciting Usama to the child, and you know, memorize it yourself. And if even if you haven't memorized it, read it recite it.

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By the way, as a side note, you know, it shows you doesn't it that you as a parent also should know how to read the Quran and you know, learn how to read it with a decent level of Tajweed right with the correct pronunciation.

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Anyway, so

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for me, firm foundations are number one for the child to memorize Jews Amma, which is the 30th portion of the Quran. And number two, to

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to learn to read the Quran. And this is something that can happen alongside memorization, you know, it doesn't have to be the only once the child is reading, then they can memorize. It's not like that. But what you're doing is you're setting them up so that later on they can be independent in their memorization because they are fluent at reading.

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And my third sort of element when it comes to firm foundations is you want your child to be able to understand the Quran. Obviously, that's not going to happen straightaway, especially if you're not an Arab or you don't live in her country, or if Arabic is not your native tongue. But you at least want to have a plan in place for your child to understand and no Arabic during their childhood. And by the way, these three things they might seem very difficult. If you're not if you're new to it, but they're very, very easy to establish. And in my course, I'm going to show you exactly how.

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Let me just tell you, the first one, so memorizing JAMA, it might seem like Oh, especially if you haven't memorized the 30th part, it might seem like a huge task, right. But I think it's a good litmus test. And it's a good way for you to test the waters to see if your child has the capability. You know, I believe that most children do have the capability to memorize the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala made their brains so malleable and so absorbing, you know, like they absorb like a sponge, that, in fact, it's probably the best time for them to memorize, right when they're children. Because as the Arabic saying goes, you know, knowledge in childhood is like engraving upon stone,

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right? And knowledge that we seek in adulthood is like, how does it go? It's like water, right? It just, it just flows away, right? It's not, it's not any, it doesn't stay, it's not permanent. So

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I think it's a prime opportunity. And what you can do to get your child to memorize because I might even when they don't know how to read yet, is literally this is what I did. Okay, is when they're playing in the morning, first thing in the morning, when they're playing, if they're just playing by themselves, you let the Quran be on, you know, during breakfast time, or during a time when there's not, obviously we don't want them to talk all over it, et cetera. But for it to be there in the in the background for them. Right, when you're putting them to bed, instead of singing a lullaby and things like that. Recite the soreness from Usama, you know, one by one, like obviously, one for

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example, you could do it for a for a week or so. Then another one, you do it for a week or so then another one, you do it for a week or so, believe me, your child will be absorbing that surah and before long, when you sit down and you start asking them to recite, they will be able to do it, they will be able to do it simply because they've heard it so many times. And then you can do it more deliberately, right? The same with

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and I think once they've memorized just under then you can start thinking about whether they're going to you know, you're going to get them to memorize the rest of the Quran.

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Learning to read, okay, I have a specific methodology for teaching children to read the Quran. And I believe that every child should at least read the Quran from cover to cover. We're talking reading now not just memorizing to actually read the Quran from cover to cover at least once you know in their childhoods. And again, it seems like a huge mountain especially when your child is little and they can't read yet. But believe me, our children have so many you know nerve cells I've got so many brain cells right like they

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a lot that are not being used, right, we just do not tap into the potential of our children's brains.

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Memorizing the Quran can become like, a very easy thing for them.

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And learning a language is a very easy thing for them at that age. You know, obviously, it takes some effort, but compared to for an adult, it's much easier. So, again, learning to read,

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I have a methodology for teaching children to read Quran

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10 minutes a day. Right, right from when they're quite young, even, I would say preschool age or just started school. You know, obviously, it's up to you when you really want to start.

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And 10 minutes a day, believe me, if you give 10 minutes a day, every morning, your child can very quickly start to read the Quran fluently finish the Haida I usually went through to acquire this high, there's like those primers, you know, the alpha, and then now to join the letters, they train children to to be able to read the Quran

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just 10 minutes a day, okay, even if it means just one letter, one word is being covered, the consistency is key. And once your child finishes the pie that you start with the Quran, and, you know, initially they can only read one word, but, or two words, you know, and then eventually they can read an idea. And then eventually they'll read half a page. And then eventually you'll get them to be fluent reading or able to read one page a day. You can even go on to two pages a day if you want. But the key is consistency, small amounts of work, consistently done.

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Huge results. Okay, so

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I hope that's also clear.

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And the reason for that, again, your child doesn't have to be able to read Quran in order to memorize Quran, right? But especially at the beginning, but it's I wouldn't recommend that, you know, I wouldn't recommend you to carry on like that. Because you do want your child to be memorizing, by themselves, you want them to be able to pick up a must have to read it to recite it and practice, you know,

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usually there's three parts to memorization and obviously each teacher, and I do recommend people find a teacher for this, you know, somebody who's experienced,

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each teacher has their own way. But usually there's three portions, right? There's the new lesson that the child is memorizing, there is the lesson that they just memorized yesterday that they have to revise. And then there's an old lesson like something they memorized maybe right at the beginning, you know, a long time ago. But there's this kind of system that needs to be kept in check, right and kept, you know, record of. And because there are those three parts, what you want to do is make your child as independent as possible. You don't want them to be sitting there waiting for you to recite something for them to memorize. You want them to be able to read it themselves,

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and memorize it. That's why

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learning to read Arabic fluently is an important part of building the firm foundations. And the last part of building firm foundations is learning Arabic is a language and obviously that doesn't have to happen. That can happen alongside alongside memorizing Quran. But you know, I think we want to move away from the days when like us when we were kids, right? We memorize Quran we read the Quran, we read the we prayed the Salah, we didn't understand anything. And I think that we lost out in some way, right? Like, we're not so connected with the words of Allah. until like, for myself anyway, when I learned Arabic as a teenager in Egypt, that's when for the first time you know, I understood

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the words of ALLAH, I understood my salah. So I think it's really important that this new generation now

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is not just memorizing words that they don't understand, but that over time, they learn Arabic as a language. And so in my course I talk about some of the ways you can introduce Arabic to your child as a language that they know very, very well classical Arabic, you know the Arabic which is the

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the classical Quranic Arabic, not the kind of you know, street colloquial Arabic.

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Mashallah, in our times, there's lots of ways for our children to learn that and so inshallah we'll discuss that during the course as well.

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Do you have any questions for me brother socket?

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A few more minutes inshallah.

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Just before then, I just wanted to restate why we're here today. So today inshallah we are officially launching my Muslim family the platform, my Muslim families vision is to build a wall, a vision, see a world where Muslim families are loving, strong focus on the hereafter, and high achieving Inshallah, and today we are launching our online platform where you can access up to 50 courses over the course of next 12 months, an exclusive video series, including shaker Fatima's course, how you could raise a half with Inshallah, and also have live q&a sessions you can sign up today 35% discount, and also, you can do a free trial seven day no obligation so go on the website,

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www.my Muslim family.com Check it out. And inshallah give us your comments, feedback. I'm being told to look at the comments. We've got people all over the world tuning in, we're part of a global family, Mashatu Baraka Allah, we have people from Pakistan, Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, from all across Europe as well. So you're part of a global family, we want to help empower you, your Muslim family, to be inshallah high achieving to be accurate focus Shackleford and barkatullah. You talked, obviously about

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raising a half it is not just an act, it's about a lifestyle.

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And that's very important, because I think, perhaps the hardest change to make to one's life is that it is about lifestyle. I think we get very accustomed to wanting to try and achieve certain things, especially for our children, but have some kind of shortcut.

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In terms of Muslim families in general problems, that children, you know, have what what do you see as kind of the biggest challenges that you've come across? In your interaction with other Muslim kind of parents?

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Do you mean, in relation to memorizing Quran? Or in general? Yeah, in relation to the Quran? Specifically? Yeah.

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Well, I think one of the big problems in our times is, I think parents introduced their children to these electronic devices, too young, you know,

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we're doing it too young. And believe me, like, any kind of focused work any kind of attention, right, we want our children to give something, it requires a still mind, I think, you know, and, unfortunately, what this technology does is it gives our children these instant dopamine hits, right. Which means I personally, from my research, and what I've seen, also with my own children, and with other children is that the more exposure they have to these devices, the less motivation they have in the real world, you know, because it's almost as though they're getting all the hits that they need, from the devices, rather than going out and pursuing because I think, you know,

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human beings, they need goals to pursue, they need real goals to pursue and those goals once we've achieved them, even little goals, they give us this Hi, this feeling of positivity, right. And they motivate us in this world. When we introduce our children to devices, to young, and we give it give them those devices for prolonged periods of time, right? I think what we do is, we fatigue their brains, their brains end up, you know, getting these dopamine hits. And then when we ask them, for example, to do something in the real world, they're not motivated. Or, you know, they don't see the beauty in the world anymore. They don't see the challenge the beauty and see the beauty and

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challenge anymore. And so I think one of the things I really encourage parents to do is, if you can delay, introducing them to their own device, as long as possible, and especially their own device,

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they're not going to lose out from doing that. They're not going to lose out. I mean, in fact, schools, you know, schools nowadays, they're bringing parents in to say that our girls are suffering from depression. They're becoming obsessed with their looks, but feeling very depressed because they they look, they're looking at Instagram, you know, they're seeing other women and people looking their best and airbrushed images and just false images, right? And they're ending up feeling very low and having very low self esteem. Schools are also complaining that young people who are

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Given their own devices, ended up sleeping less, and have very disturbed sleep, and they're coming to school.

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Not ready to learn, right? So I'm mentioning school there. But I think the same thing applies to pith as well, you know, memorizing Quran. So the more you can delay introducing them to these devices, then that means probably us not being as addicted as well. Right, as parents. I think the better. I hope that answers

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I think that's one of the things

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not just Michael, apparently, it's really interesting. You said that because our neighbor, who's actually a, he's non Muslim, he's ethnic Chinese from Taiwan, he's got a daughter, same age as mine, about seven, or eight. And she's actually not allowed TV, let alone any, any, any other a tablet or a phone. And he just gets her to do other things, art crafts challenges. And it's quite interesting that in that culture, they place a real emphasis. And I think with, with some of the South East Asian cultures, that Japanese cultures, we are seeing that the recent World Cup, the behavior of the Japanese fans, off the field, and of course, the actual, the results of the team on the field quite

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amazing as well. But the way their behavior is quite amazing. And

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beautiful, right? Yeah, yeah, they are. And there are also people who are striving to be the best version of themselves. I mean, there is talk that are a bit intense, as well, but in terms of their character, and their behavior and mannerisms, their place a real premium price on that. So I think you're right, and I think it is a challenge, modern day challenge for Muslim parents. I mean, maybe we need to do a course on this as well, in terms of social media addiction screen addiction, I think,

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shake up there in green talked about this, as part of the free course, how he's surprised and shocked at how Muslims are so on, as he put it on our door, see if I can see him in the world, basically. So I think I think it's about parents, I guess, making the effort to try and invest more time with their kids to be away from the screen do more activities. I guess it's difficult, but it's, it's well worth the effort, isn't it? I guess?

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Absolutely. And I think the same thing here, like we actually did television for a long time, you know, while kids were younger, I think I can see the difference between the kids who did

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not so introduced to the devices that and the children that we have,

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who maybe were introduced earlier, because they had older siblings, I can really see the difference. And I started noticing, for example, in one of my children that

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again, you know, hold my hands, sometimes it's become a Lazy, Lazy parenting. And I think we have to, like start recognizing when we're being lazy, and what I mean by lazy is, you know, when you're basically outsourcing to the devices, you know, you're using the devices as convenient.

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And when we started doing that, one thing was that my child was becoming very negative, you know,

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having different types of moods that are very negative, not not being able to see anything positive, you know, and when I changed our routine with that particular chart, and we just started going out every morning, you know, go for a walk, be in greenery, be in nature, look around, look around your area, talk, talk to your child, all of those things, that shouldn't really come naturally. But as I said,

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you know, just conveniently, the devices,

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I found a big change, big change in the child's mood and things like that. So I think it is for all of us regularly. And I really believe in family meetings, you know, having regular families as well as a couple have regular meetings as well. To You know, my different is family should be your finest project. You know,

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when, when we're running projects, what do we do?

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We have to debrief right after every single project and every mini project. Same thing as it's got to have debriefs you got to think to yourself, Okay, how did this year go? What was working? What didn't work?

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Is there anything you know?

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And then just just keep adjusting?

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Yeah, yeah. No, that's, I think that's really interesting that you describe family as a project. I think it's

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It's an interesting way to look at it. Because often everything else takes priority in terms of being organized on point. And family is something that we just expect to fall into place. And of course, it's wonderful if that was the case, but it's, it's not easy. It's something you have to invest time and you get the benefits of that. And not only in terms of, you know, having children who are inshallah upright or practicing, but you benefit in terms of your later life as you have your family around you. And of course, in the wider society, there is a problem of loneliness of elderly people. So because that nurturing investment is not taking place. So it's really

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interesting. And I liked what you said about having family meetings actually brought a smile to my face, because I remembered in IRA, if you remember, we were together, and there's a running joke, changing the world for meetings. We had so many meetings, Mashatu Baraka law. But I think that's really interesting. I think this is what we want in terms of my Muslim family. It's these very useful insights. And these tips and suggestions that people have tried, and it's worked for them, and maybe people can today, go away and start applying some of these tips and suggestions. We did that with our children as well. I mean, we I mean, we started to limit how much strain they had. And

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we notice a significant difference. Yes, and it's quite, it's almost like a switch sometimes. That's it. That's a shocking thing. It's like the behaviors vary. I mean, my kids are watching this, I think. So maybe we have to watch what I'm saying. But you know, it clearly something changes. And of course, we know these tech companies, a lot of them have spoken about the founders had they don't give the children access to these devices at all, not even restricted at all. So I think that's something quite intriguing. We have a comment from Sister Sofia, Moby. And she said, I think I signed up for the free course. Were we supposed to get some emails via email? Yes, you were. As soon

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as you sign up, you'll get access to the free course, that should be on email. If it's not in your inbox, it might be on your spam. And of course, you can access all of our courses on our paid platform. Inshallah, over the course of the next year, you'll have access to over 50 courses and exclusive video series on my Muslim family.com. You can access this today 35% discount, and there's a free seven day trial as well, we have another comment. For the shaker Fatima. What a great way of seeing things your family should be your greatest project. So Marsha, this is from someone called ever so special. So there's no name there. Mashallah.

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I know, you probably have to get go. How long have you got? Do you need to get going? Because we're going to

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okay, just

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Yeah, no, I appreciate this. So it seems like a general level in terms of not just being a, you know, aspiring to be a half with children? What what are the challenges have you come across that parents just have with their children raising them in the West?

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So I think one of the big questions is that every parent faces is

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what type of schooling to

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put their children into? Right. And some people feel very strongly about one, one way or the other. Right. But I think so. So there's obviously homeschooling, there's

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the state school system, especially here in the in Britain, for example, then there's the private school system, the non Muslim, or the general private school system. And then there's, there are Muslim schools that tend to be private. So that paid fee paying schools, or there are actually a few now that are, you know, voluntary aided. So I think that becomes a very big decision that parents make, right.

00:33:49 --> 00:33:52

But one of the things that I like to say is,

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I know that not every type of schooling is going to suit every person, right? I think it's a very personal decision, and a choice that a couple needs to sit down and make together, right. But I do think that it's really important that the Islamic title be of the child is factored in, you know, regardless of which option you choose, you know, you can't outsource your child's Islamic therapy or fully, you know, can't fully outsource it. It's got to be something that comes from everyday living from the home, you know.

00:34:31 --> 00:34:55

So, I think one of the challenges, of course, is that children might be learning one thing at home and then going to school and then the be absorbing a complete counter narrative, right? Completely different narrative. And I think sometimes, again, I feel like it is related to devices again, that because of our lazy parenting, okay.

00:34:57 --> 00:34:59

What's happened is we don't talk to our kids anymore.

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We're not having those dinner times where everyone is sitting around the table, you know, people are on their devices at the table. And we've made it a rule in our house, you don't come to the dinner table with a device, no way. No headphones, no device, nothing like that. And, and believe it or not, I got that from David Beckham. Because I was, I was I was listening to, I think it was his son, his son was talking about how his dad was really strict about dinner times, you know, and one of the things that's made their family feel very together is that at dinner times, they are not allowed devices. And, you know, they have to put that all of that away, and they have to give each other

00:35:40 --> 00:35:50

attention, you know, and I think there are like these magical conversations that take place in those types of data types where you know, what's happened in your day? What did what happened

00:35:51 --> 00:36:33

in the, your child can kind of share their thoughts. And then by bouncing those thoughts off for you, as a parent, and then you commenting on them? Right? I think they learned so much. You know, when we were younger, we used to think it was like, really slack to be sitting and watching television together, right? But now, it's actually it's probably actually better, that everyone sits and watches one program together, right, then is that everyone is like on in different worlds, you know. So sometimes we'll be watching a program together. And that will give an opportunity as well as, as a parent to be like the commentator, right? Because your child is watching stuff. And they're

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not being given the counter narrative. And so if you're there, as a parent, you can chat to the television, you can, you can sort of give your views on things, right, and ask them what they think. And if it's something outrageous or something, you can point that out. You can also train your children. So things like for example, lowering the gaze, you know, I think we become

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we neglect, neglect, telling our children teaching them that, okay, we're not saying don't watch anything. But especially, for example, boys, as they get older girls, as they get older, when we see any kind of state of undress or anything like that, of course, you should look away, right? When there's a woman on the television, you shouldn't, Sarah to look down low, you'll get

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because one of the problems

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a lot of young people are facing is

00:37:30 --> 00:37:51

addiction to *, you know, these are the things that are taking place, it's horrible to talk about, but you know, we can't hide away, we can't pretend that, like children who ended up having crises, and sometimes parents only, you know, the child in crisis, it doesn't happen overnight.

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I think it's really important for us to realize that it doesn't happen overnight, a child doesn't suddenly turn up at the parents house and say, I don't want to be a Muslim anymore. Right? A child doesn't suddenly turn around and say, I'm moving in with my girlfriend. Or, you know, I think I'm a man. But believe me, these are the types of things, of course, the extreme end. But those are the types of things that parents follow me about sometimes. And, you know, sometimes you get You're speechless because

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you think, well, the parent presented it to you as though this just happened out of the blue.

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If you didn't deal with

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the crisis that happens, you know, that causes the parents to then pick up the phone to the shipper, the shipper. The crisis is just the tip of the iceberg. That's like just women, women, it's like the tipping point, you know, the point at which things just went completely, almost like,

00:38:50 --> 00:38:54

now the parent has no control. But if you dig deeper, you realized, oh,

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certain basic aspects of the dean, the teachers, in terms of protecting our children, or giving them

00:39:05 --> 00:39:06

were being neglected

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from a young age, and one of the most important one of that one was, is are those easy to Salaat.

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In fact, in most families who have ever called me with a child in extreme crisis, or crisis, I mean, where they're afraid that they're gonna fall into a major sin, or that or they have fallen into medicine or they're leaving, Dean, right.

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One of the things that always features is neglect.

00:39:37 --> 00:39:37

And so,

00:39:38 --> 00:39:47

one of the things that I've been saying to parents, and I think we've got to internalize this. Why are you allowing your child to miss

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you know what, especially when they get to age 10. Now you should be even before that should just be habituated to them, but not insisting, not necessarily insisting that they pray.

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But when we get to the age of 10, would you accept that your child said that to you, I'm gonna brush my teeth? And

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would you accept that your child says to you, I'm not going to wear my seatbelt and anymore,

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you would never accept that. In fact, you'd say, well get out of my car. When I'm moving in his car until you put your seatbelt on, we're not going to suddenly wake up and say, I'm not going to school any, right, you will drag your child if you have to, okay? We love tough love, right? But you will drag your child out of bed, especially when they get to a certain age. And they're saying that they're not going to do things that they, you know, are gonna hold them.

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So, why is it with Salah that apparently, then it become really soft? And they're like, oh, you know, I feel sorry for him.

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You know, it means that we're not realizing that our children are going to be in danger.

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The way we realize that a child is in danger when they don't wear the seatbelt. Or the way we realize that the child has the teeth,

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brushing the teeth.

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Well, what about the spiritual heart, their spiritual heart will rot? You know, if they don't keep up with the salah. And so my thing is,

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when it comes to this, of course, you should have been establishing that relationship with Allah from a young age, right? Pointing out. And, again, this is important. If you have children that see nature, they haven't seen it, they've never said, wow, you know, looking at nature,

00:41:39 --> 00:41:41

they will never feel wow, about Allah.

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So let them see them and be in all its nature tells us to

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look around you look at the stars of the sun and all of these things. So, of course, we want to establish the love of the solar from a young age. However, if your child is going through a phase, especially when they reach puberty, okay, because obviously it's difficult isn't

00:42:08 --> 00:42:09

even a near puut

00:42:11 --> 00:42:26

after the age of 10, if they go through a phase where they're like slacking off on salah, that's got to become your priority to help them and we've established that, you know, with love at first, and then with the tough love. And what I mean by tough love is

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if you're seeing that a child is just refusing, right?

00:42:34 --> 00:42:42

You can still bet a lot on if you do, if you show them if you tell them the story of how the salon was revealed, for example, yeah. And how

00:42:44 --> 00:42:48

only asked us to do these five requests, and they did for us is

00:42:50 --> 00:42:55

still a child, especially at that age, teenage can become a bit lazy, and you know, find it hard.

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I think you've just got to make it a rule under the house. That's what

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you know, it's all about house. When we're praying you, you come and join. And we pray in JAMA as much as possible as well.

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And by doing that by insisting that just like you would insist that they go to school, if they're under your roof, yeah, just like you would insist that they brush their teeth.

00:43:20 --> 00:44:04

And just like they put their seatbelt on, they might go through a phase of friction. But I believe, because I've lived through this myself, they'll come out the other side in Sharla. Loving, because it becomes habit. So it's almost like you get to go through that slight period of friction in order for them to then find it easier to send and actually love, love others. But what you don't want to do is suddenly start thinking, Alright, you know, just just let them go. Because a lot of time kind of to listen to Brandon Salah is what prevents them from fascia, right?

00:44:05 --> 00:44:18

So there was a fair to that later on come and talk about how the child committed this major sin. Sometimes when I trace it back, like oh, you start off with slacking off with a salon. You know,

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and not establishing it in the house. So

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I think that's just a very important thing. Because this is a connection. Once you lose the connection, unfortunately society

00:44:33 --> 00:44:35

desires come in chiffon comes in you know,

00:44:36 --> 00:44:38

and and it's so hard

00:44:40 --> 00:44:59

you know, just like a lifer, I think really, you know, that's very poignant. Things you've touched upon the in terms of your connection, and I guess it's that building a foundation at a very young early age. And I guess even people who study these areas of child psychology they talk about

00:45:00 --> 00:45:48

habits, people modeling. And I think you find sometimes upon Allah, like, amongst like a mother's kind of dead generation. And, you know, they like get up and they pray tahajjud they will Quran every morning. And it's like a habit. And they may be struggled when they were children and told to do this, but it's a foundation of their life. And they're very resilient people. You know, I mean, someone once said that, in the previous generation was may be simple, but strong, were complex, but fragile. Subhanallah and, and I guess it is about strengthening people from a very early kind of age, they can stand on their own two feet, and I think society, they talk about this historians or

00:45:48 --> 00:46:26

sociologists that, you know, childhood is a very recent concept, you know, in the sense that also the teenage years, certainly, people just became adults, and took on responsibilities. But we've created this very interesting situation where you when people go to university, it's the best day of your life, and you're gonna have so much fun. And then it's like, well, people used to lead you know, armies and lead nations actually forget about that. So, very, very interesting. Just got a few comments. I'm just going to read through where they're coming from the sister talked about she liked when you call it a project, and they will sister Seema, she gets some other comments, we have a

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comment from justified the masala it cannot come in one day, parents need to be more inclined and responsible towards, firstly, they should practice it in their own life. And in place of lecturing, and being strict to the child, they must communicate with the child and give space and try to understand child psychology. So yeah, very much. I think people are chiming what what you're saying into the building that relationship with the masala, but just like I have, for your time, shaker Fatima, I really appreciate I think it's been very beneficial. A lot of comments. I'm gonna start reading some of the comments, I'm gonna Inshallah, I'm really looking forward to your course.

00:47:05 --> 00:47:09

Inshallah we have gone live now. Hamdulillah, I think we've got about

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the 20 people that have signed up or they are Hamdulillah. So inshallah we hope that this platform can benefit everyone. Do you have any final parting comments you want to make about my Muslim family and what we're trying to do and the platform? Before we let you go?

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Yeah, I think, look, the family is on the attack, you know, especially in the West. You know, this is I think this year is the first year where more children were born out of wedlock than we've been right in the UK

00:47:41 --> 00:47:46

Emilian a million children in the UK, according to NatCen

00:47:47 --> 00:47:52

of growing up without a father without a male figure, or even father, any male figure in their life.

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Just to think about the impact of that, you know, and there are so many statistics about a breakdown of the family, and the harms, of course, and and then the trauma, basically, that children end up carrying into the next generation.

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We as Muslims, we're living in a society. And so we're inevitably going to be affected by it. We're going to be affected by the same things that wider society is affected by. But we've been giving them these tools, we've been given the decider that says Hamdulillah, the Quran and the Sunnah. And also, I would say, the experience of our elders, I think that's very important as well, that there's so many people who don't even have that, you know, the experience and the wisdom of the elders. And so I think it's really important that we all see all of these children and all of these families is our families, you know, it takes a village to raise a child. Yeah, it does. It's not just about me

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taking care of my own child. It says about me, bringing other mentors, other people on board, it's all of us caring about each other's children's needs. So I think, in that spirit, I think my Muslim families here, it just feels good to have so many of those wise voices, you know, people who've done it already. So if you're a young parent, and you're just starting out, instead of learning through trial and error, you know, go to people who've already done it. And it will be like a shortcut for you. You can avoid some of the pitfalls. And I think that's what the beauty of

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my family is like the village to help you raise your child. You should use that by the way.

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Yeah, the world is a global village they say as well. So yeah, that's that's very good. That's pretty good. I feel like I've just got a comment here. Shekar May Allah azza wa jal increase you in your own knowledge and guidance and may Allah azza wa jal grant us the opportunity to learn and be inspired. So you mean, just like I'll have it

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Should go forth more for your, for your time for your knowledge for your for your insights.

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And Inshallah, could I just share one

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thing that I learned recently, you know, this is beautiful

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00:50:21 --> 00:50:21


00:50:24 --> 00:50:26

that our Lord

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still upon us, from our wives or spouses and our children, that the coolness of our eyes, make our wives and our children closer eyes, and let us see leaders of the righteous. So I was reading the seer of it. And it's, you know, it was asking the question, what does it mean that the coolness about us? What does this mean? And the Mufasa will say that the coolness of your family means that you raise them in such a way that then when they're older, you see that I'm involved in the worship of Allah, and it brings you joy.

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Now that the joy it brings you to see your child, and then your family, immersed in the worship of Allah, and I thought that was really, really beautiful, you know,

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having brought up four children, and two of them are now quite independent, you know, going out there. Whenever I hear for example, my son is doing that with his workmates. You know, my, my other son he's, you know, involved in the ISOC or whatever it is. And when I see them praying together when I when I see them caring about all of the aspects of Islam, indeed it does bring you joy. I feel like I understand that you are now you know, all of us can, can feel that sweetness, you know that coolness of ice

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