Fatima Barkatulla – 70 Major Sins #19 – Sin 34 – Dayyuth – Wittol (Man who tolerates his womenfolk’s promiscuity)

Fatima Barkatulla
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of creating boundaries in young people's lives, emphasizing the need for parents to show guidance on boundaries. They also touch on the negative impact of men on women, including embarrassment and sexual abuse, and the responsibility of fatheral leaders to observe and behave in their relationships. The speakers emphasize the need for men to take care of their personal lives and build healthy relationships, and emphasize the importance of investing in one's children. The segment ends with a brief advertisement for a new beer.
AI: Transcript ©
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Okay Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah the Sisters of salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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And welcome to another lesson in our series.

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The 70 major sins based on a guitar will cover everybody mom and dad happy.

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Just one moment I'm going to share my screen with you. So we can carry on class

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basically major sin number 33.

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Yeah, resembling the opposite *

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or basically appearing exactly like the opposite *.

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Yeah, shabu. shabu Alma Alma karate. We're regionally what shabu originally Penny sigh. So, a woman

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appearing like men or looking like men, and a man being like women.

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Okay, and we'd already gone through that, I think you said that this is a very strong Hadith that

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basically condemns

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men resembling women and women resembling men. And we said that that's because

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Islam wants to keep the sexes distinct. For wisdom, right? Like Allah subhanaw taala make made male and female, different for a reason.

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If you wanted them to be the same, he would have made them the same, but he didn't so

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and so

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we're encouraged to keep the sexes distinct.

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And to celebrate that difference not to kind of see that as a as a negative where one

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one * is trying to copy the other and vice versa. Because Allah has given certain distinguishing features and strengths

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to each of the sexes, right?

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said that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam cursed

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a man who dressed like a woman and woman who dressed like a man. And then we talked about how this is actually

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affected by your, the culture and the custom of your

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where you live, right. So if certain items of clothing certain types of hairstyles or certain a certain appearance is known to be the appearance of men,

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only of men, then that would then a woman adopting that would be her resembling men, right? If there's certain appearance, certain behaviors, certain

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clothing, etc, that are

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for women, okay.

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And then men adopt that.

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And that would be men adopting women, it's based on the culture and norms of the society that you live in.

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Yeah, so

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I also wanted to highlight this, I have the Quran because, you know, we're living in a time when parents are encouraged,

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not to kind of guide children not to

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interfere, if you like in,

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in setting a child's path. And although we as Muslims don't, we shouldn't be trying to force our children to do anything. It's not about forcing. However, Allah Subhana Allah has charged us with being responsible for our families, right? He is going to ask us, and Allah says in the Quran, yeah. Are you Hi levina am Paul and foster como alikum. Now.

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Oh, you who believe, protect or defend yourselves off, fend your families and yourself away from the fire. You know, fend off the fire from your families and yourselves.

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A fire

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whose fuel is men and stones is human beings and stones

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over which are harsh, severe angels who do not disobey Allah in whatever he commands them and who perform whatever they are commanded to do. So, of course, as parents, Allah has actually charged us with guiding our children. So

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I think the reason why I included this idea is, you know,

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when we see our children, a child leaning towards a particular

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an Islamic thing, okay, or a certain habit that we know is not going to be a good thing for them, right?

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Or shows some kind of confusion about what it is to be a boy, for example, or what it is to be adult,

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then it's up to us as parents to show a very kind, but

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firm guiding hand, right?

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There are boundaries.

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So when a child is like a little toddler, maybe allowing them to dress up in different clothes and stuff like that might not be a big deal. Okay. But once you start seeing a child is getting a bit obsessed, maybe, with wearing the clothes of the opposite * or something like that, you know,

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I'm always confused about what it is to be a boy or girl. Or, for example, a girl expressing the desire to or dis dislike of being a girl, for example, whatever is

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in this,

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related to this topic,

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we as parents have to intervene, we can't just sit back and just watch our children continue being confused or continue experimenting and things like that, which is what our society around us encourages us to do. It encourages us to allow young people to indulge in an experiment when it comes to * when it comes to Appearance when it comes to all the boundaries. Right. And that's because, in a way, Western countries, especially they're going through a type of identity crisis at the moment.

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You know, and even if you look at right wing commentators, right, even right wing, sort of conservative,

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philosophers, commentators, public intellectuals, if you, if you want to call them that, they are also dismayed at the way in which

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all of the boundaries that used to exist, all of the categorizations all the normal human, kind of the things that human beings considered factual and normal,

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are being questioned, blurred, and

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deconstructed, you know, and that's because

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after Christianity was discarded, basically, in European countries, especially,

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I think, liberalism took hold. And,

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as a result, there's all sorts of ideologies that have had a chance to come in and replace religion.

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And there are various isms and schisms, that are I would say, philosophies seeking to replace religion

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that Western society has adopted, either knowingly or unknowingly.

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And it's led to all this confusion, about boundaries, confusion about things that were axiomatic, you know, like facts that human beings knew, like, you know, there's certain things that make people male, and there's certain things that make people female, okay, even those are being questioned. So, we don't need to play that game. You know, we don't need to as Muslims,

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kind of indulging that

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identity crisis that the West is having.

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Because we have been given guidance, clear guidance. And so I'd handler, you know, we are blessed in that regard, that we can resort to guidance from our Creator,

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who doesn't need

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to tell us things through trial and error. You know, human beings when they try to figure how to live their lives out. They use trial and error.

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But Allah Subhana Allah, his guidance is the guidance of the designer of the Creator, who already knows us inside out because he designed us he's the one who made us. So when he commands us with something, it's for our good, definitely for our good. And when he prohibits us from something, it's definitely for the for some evil that exists in that thing, some home that would result from that thing. Okay, so

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We need to take it seriously just because the society around us is questioning everything. We don't need to do that when we have clear guidance. And in this had the famous Hadith again, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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telling us that it's our duty to guide our children and our families, right? The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Call Luke O'Brien we're calling local must all on an Araya T, every one of you is a shepherd. And every one of you is responsible for his flock. The leader of a people is a guardian, and is responsible for his subjects. A man is a guardian, or I should say, Shepherd, or guardian of his family, and he is responsible for them. A woman is a guardian, over her husband's home, and his children, and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master, he's responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a

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and is responsible for his flock.

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So let's be very careful, you know, and we can't just allow our children to be lost in this world of internet and phones and, you know, YouTube, we don't know what they're thinking what they're doing. We have to be involved. We have to be having those conversations with them. What's going on in the world, you know, what, what things is society, normalizing for them? Right.

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Okay, so,

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major sin number 34. Is the youth

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the youth and Mr. Sinhala, Li, and the English word that this word the youth is usually translated into is

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whittled, okay? It's not really a commonly used word.

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But I'll tell you what it means. It basically means

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It's basically a man

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who doesn't mind

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how his wife behaves, in terms of

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he's it that she is involved in promiscuous behavior.

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And he has no problem with that. Okay. That's what the youth is. That's what the scholars translated as or explaining as about, we'll see that some scholars have some other things to say about it. So here in this Hadith, Abdullah bin Omar

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reported that the Messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him said

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Just a minute.

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The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,

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three, three people will not be looked upon by Allah Almighty on the Day of Resurrection. One who disobeys his parents,

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a woman who imitates men and a man, a woman who imitates men, and the man who allows his women to fornicate.

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So in other words, to have extramarital *,

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three persons will not enter Paradise.

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One who disobey his parents, the drunkard and one who reminds others of his charity.

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I'm not sure if both of these are mentioned in the same Hadith.

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I'm gonna have to double check, I believe they are.

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But you can see there are a number of studies like this. So, over time, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam will tell us about various categories of people who, you know,

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Allah subhanaw taala will not look at on the day of judgment or who will not enter paradise on the Day of Judgment. So the Subhana Allah The, the one who disobeys his parents has mentioned twice in this hadith. But you can see that a man who allows his women to forget this is what their youth is.

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So let's introduce us to the concept of Lila some of you may know about in some people call it a leader. Some people call it the Hydra.

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It has to do I think it's a lot. So what is this concept? It's basically the name

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Natural protective jealousy.

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And it's not just that men have it women have it as well. Okay, that a human being has

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a kind of protective jealousy related to one's honor one's concern.

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And it's considered a positive trait. Okay? Especially in a man with regards his female family members,

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And the word they use generally refers to a man who has no protective jealousy and honor for the female members of his family.

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Some scholars restricted the meaning to somebody who basically doesn't care if his wife has sexual * with other men.

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others scholar said, well, it's general, it's more general than that, you know, he doesn't care if his wife appears in public in a immodest way, for example, or that she is not following a lot kind of Alice guidance when it comes to her interactions and her appearance in public.

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So it's about moral leadership of the family. Right? It's about setting the standards for the family. And

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I don't want anyone to misunderstand, it's not meant to be about coercion or paranoia. You know, I know that there are situations where people can become paranoid, you know, even if their wife is, I don't know, perfectly dressed. But islamically.

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You know, he's still being unreasonably protective, or critical about,

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you know, her needs that she has, for example, in going to going out in public. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about extremes here. Right. And I'm not talking about people using violence. And, you know, the horrible stories that we sometimes hear in some countries, honor killings, and these, that's completely wrong. There's no basis for that in Islam. That's just an extreme. Right. So it's just like, even in the UK, you know, when it comes to the deaths of women, murders of women, the statistically the majority of murders of women happen

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by their own partners.

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Okay. And it's basically the equivalent of honor killings, because

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a partner becomes jealous because of something right? She's cheated on him or whatever, right? This is an in, in Britain.

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And he basically goes and kills her or, you know,

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that's wrong, of course. And we're not condoning that. And we're not condoning the

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what happens in some Muslim countries where families think that they can kill or harm their daughters, because their daughter is not

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behaving or marrying the right person or whatever, you know, these kind of silly, terrible stories, you hear about? All that she's brought shame to the family. And now you can just like take the law into your own hands. And no, no, no, no, no, I don't want anyone to connect this with that. Okay.

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This is about healthy, protective jealousy and protectiveness that is natural to any man over the women of his household or should be okay. Um,

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and like I said, it's not restricted to men, a woman can feel hatred for her husband, right? She can feel a kind of protective jealousy. If, for example, she sees other women off, I don't know, interested in marrying him. Or if she sees him talking to a lady, she might have that sense of protective jealousy. Right? So it's, it's something that's in human beings. But when we're talking about this major sin, I'm focusing on the men because the youth is a man, it's not a woman, right? It's it's a man who doesn't care about the women in his family, and how they are in public, but in particular, when it comes to promiscuity, okay.

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Oh, that's kind of clear.

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And so the characteristic of Hydra wait, just to kind of dwell on that a little bit. The characteristic of IRA

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is a natural thing. You can see it used to be actually in society, even in Western society.

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But slowly but surely, it's been eroded away. Okay.

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I remember seeing a one of these talk shows, you know, where they had a guy who a man and his wife. And the complaint, you know, you know how they come onto TV with their problems, right? So, this, this guy and his wife had come on TV, they're having a fight and having an argument and this presenter trying to solve their problems, right. I think it was the Jeremy Kyle show, which has now been taken off.

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So what happened was, and by the way, I do used to watch it regularly. I just think I watched it at the gym once. So

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the guy was saying she was complaining. The wife was complaining that he he doesn't let me go out and miniskirts okay. He doesn't let me go out and miniskirts because he says, you know, other men are staring at me. He can see them staring at me. And I just think he's just being too protective. He's just being too controlling. That's the word they use. Right? If controlling you so controlling, right? And

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the man said, Yeah, I don't like my wife being stared at by other men. So what is that? That's his natural sense of labor. Right? So his natural sense of labor.

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And what happened next, shows you what's been happening in society.

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The presenter basically berated the man right? And stumped out any, any modicum of later that man had in him. By telling him, he had no right to tell his wife how to dress. He had no right to be so protective. Who cares if other people are looking at her? It means that he's got a good looking wife, blah, blah, and all this rubbish, okay. And he basically made the man feel ashamed, ashamed for being protective over his wife. Okay. Follow that. And that's what's been happening in society. And what people don't get

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is that God is Allah made men naturally have that sense of protectiveness over women, to protect them from predatory men. Okay. And so when you read about the metoo movement, and you read about the women, especially, for example, just as an example, in Hollywood, who went through wall they went through, okay, where they were basically harassed, sexually harassed, sexually abused,

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verbally, virtually in plain sight. Right. And they were men who knew that it was going on, and they did nothing. I'm not talking about the men who were actually perpetrators of the, of the, of the sexual abuse. I'm talking about the men who knew that it was going on. But you know, oh, they don't want to be controlling, right? They don't want to step in. They don't want to say anything, right? Because society has given men this message, that women are independent, they don't need you. Women don't need men, right, apparently. And because women don't need men and women are apparently completely able to have their own sexual agency.

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Okay. Which is questionable, because questionable in the sense that look at how much abuse has gone on, right, since

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since marriage has been eroded in society, right? Since it became Okay, since promiscuity became the norm in the name of free love, and empowerment of women. What's happened, who suffered the most from that?

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I would argue that women

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the statistical rate of * has gone up.

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Women being coerced into relationships has gone up.

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When young women are literally groomed

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to be sexually available to men.

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No, I'm not just making that up. I grew up with them. And I'm sure you grew up with them as well, those of you who are in western countries, you know, our friends at school.

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What were they going through

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during adolescence? What were what were the pressures that warned them? You know, the pressures that were on them, what to be promiscuous, they had to be seen to be sexually active, for example, if they weren't ready, even if they didn't really want to, right, there was this pressure.

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The boys that they would meet with constantly pressuring them.

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And you would ask, Where were their fathers? Where are the men? Where are the other

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people who could have protected those

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And what's happened is

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Hydra has been eroded.

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any sense of responsibility that men used to have over women has been eroded to such an extent that a father, or an elder brother, or any men of society, because you know, the men of society are supposed to protect the women of society. That's the Islamic

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worldview, right.

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But what's happened is, it's eroded to such an extent that now they see they fear

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it looking like them interfering into women's lives. They fear that they're basically,

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you know, intruding into a woman's private space, by showing concern.

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And, sadly, that's what's happened. Because in so many of the stories that you would you will hear of women being abused, you ask yourself,

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apart from the fact that, you know, apart from the

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the criminal who was abusing them being a complete criminal,

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where were the men in their lives?

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Where were their fathers? Where were their brothers? Where were? Where were the men of society who, who could who knew this was going on?

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Either they were all complicit, and treating the women like sexual objects themselves. Or they were turning a blind eye to stuff.

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Because they didn't want to look like they were interfering or controlling. Anyway, you get the picture, right? The point is that women are suffering, when when a healer is eroded from society, women suffer.

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Okay, so we shouldn't look at this as a positive trait. It is a positive trait.

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And of course, people can take it to extremes and we don't condone that. But we also don't condone the other extreme, which is the complete decimation of

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later, right.

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So under this topic, and I know that the attendees here are sisters, but later on, there are going to be brothers, probably you're going to listen to this on YouTube. So I want to cover this. Because this major sin is a is a basically a major symptom of men, right? It's not, it's not really a major sin for women.

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So what if your wife, for example, doesn't observe a job? Or

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I think like saying that, you know, she, she's promiscuous. That's an extreme right from from Muslim family. That shouldn't be happening anyway. Right. But say, at the lower end, you know, the wife is not wearing hijab. And this question comes up a lot, actually. Because sometimes a couple will get married. Maybe he thought, she'll start wearing Hijab later, you know, when we get married, and then she doesn't, or maybe

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they were not practicing when they first got married, and now he's practicing, and he would like, and they are practicing, or they're trying to become more practicing. And he'd like his wife to observe the hijab, but he wants his family to be, you know,

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obedient to Allah.

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What should his approach be? Right?

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And when I read some of the statements of the scholars, the I've summarized them here, that basically, a Muslim man should insist

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that his wife and the women folk and his family, in other words, any goals over the age of

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puberty, right, who have reached puberty, have had their first period,

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observe the hijab, and behave appropriately in the interaction with men. And of course, this goes for boys as well, right? In terms of interaction with women, it's not that we ignore. And I know this happens in some Muslim families, you know, ignore the behavior of the boys and the men, but don't become you know, got come down hard on the women. That's not what we're talking about here. Okay. We're only talking about it in this direction, because that's what this particular sin is emphasizing. Okay.

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it is the responsibility of the father of the husband, to insist that his wife and women folk observe the hijab and behave appropriately in their interaction with men and they will be accountable to Allah for that. Not only will the woman be accountable for her own behavior, of course she will, but he will be accountable to because remember what we said

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remember this haviv

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colloquium Ryan welcome newcomers all on andraia T.

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Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his

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flock. Yeah. And so the man is the Guardian, over his family, and he's responsible for them. Right.

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And this goes for a societal level too, right? We, as a collective community should have a hierarchy over each other.

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We should care about one another's honor, we should care about how our younger sisters, for example, are hearing in public.

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You know, sometimes, I know that sometimes there's like YouTubers, who some of the male YouTubers, they get a bad name, right, the Muslim there sort of dies, they get called the Haram police. Because they, when they see a sister hijabi influencer, you've just taken a job off or is doing is teaching some silly thing to two other sisters right or promoting something that is on Islamic,

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they intervene. And they make it their business to intervene and say,

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whatever they say.

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Now, the reason why people will say, oh, they're just being the heroin police, oh, it's not a bad business, blah, blah, blah, right? They say that, because that's what our culture in the West tab tells us. Right. But actually, there is in a way, expressing their sense of Leela, over the collective Muslim community, you know, and islamically, we should care about one another's honor.

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Other aspects that a man should care about, and we of course, as women should care about, about ourselves. But in this under this medicine, a man should care whether his women are appearing in public in this way, is whether they're going out in public wearing perfume.

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If they're going out in public, exposing their aura, you know, the neck, or the ears, or the earrings hanging out zillah, you know, which is like adornment on display,

00:32:17 --> 00:32:23

or their body parts exposed, or wearing very tight clothing, all of that,

00:32:24 --> 00:32:38

you know, is, in other words, not observing the job properly, are things that we should care about, and men should care about when it comes to the women of their families, free mixing with the opposite *.

00:32:39 --> 00:32:42

You should care whether your women are doing that or not.

00:32:44 --> 00:32:51

Islam does not want women to be completely independent of men. Okay, this might sound a bit controversial.

00:32:52 --> 00:32:56

And it does not want men to be completely negligent in their responsibility towards women.

00:32:58 --> 00:33:05

It's not about controlling one another. No. It's about the fact that Allah created men a certain way.

00:33:07 --> 00:33:11

And he has charged them to be manly, to be masculine,

00:33:13 --> 00:33:25

to protect women, and to care about women. And believe me, if you take the responsibility of protection and caring about women, away from men,

00:33:27 --> 00:33:34

they will take that you will run with that. And what will happen is that when women need protection

00:33:35 --> 00:33:40

from other men, from predators from difficult situations,

00:33:42 --> 00:33:44

there'll be not a man in sight to help.

00:33:45 --> 00:33:54

And the reason for that is because the men have been almost trained to not be masculine, to not care to not be protective.

00:33:55 --> 00:34:02

And they've been fed this idea that women are the same as men. Women are completely independent. No.

00:34:03 --> 00:34:06

as men and women, we are interdependent.

00:34:07 --> 00:34:10

Men need us we need them. Okay.

00:34:12 --> 00:34:12


00:34:14 --> 00:34:26

you know, we don't have this idea in Islam. But when a girl reaches the age of 16, or 18 suddenly had her dad has no responsibility towards her. No.

00:34:27 --> 00:34:51

In fact, he might have no responsibility towards his sons who are that age. Yeah, they become 18 or whatever. It's not 18 is basically when they become islamically adults, and then able to earn their own money, etc. Father has no responsibility to provide for him. But he will always have a responsibility to provide for his daughters.

00:34:52 --> 00:34:55

He will always have responsibility to look out for his daughters.

00:34:56 --> 00:34:56


00:34:59 --> 00:34:59


00:35:00 --> 00:35:01

And lastly, women,

00:35:02 --> 00:35:04

we as women should respect our husbands.

00:35:06 --> 00:35:11

Okay, so when a husband expresses I know sometimes it can be a bit annoying.

00:35:12 --> 00:35:21

To some sisters, it can get a bit annoying like you're in public, and then maybe you're not being careful about something your husband points out, right?

00:35:23 --> 00:35:27

Don't get annoyed. Be proud. Your husband has Aveda for you, you know,

00:35:28 --> 00:35:32

it's a sign of healthy masculinity.

00:35:33 --> 00:35:34


00:35:35 --> 00:35:44

if he's too harsh enough for you to judge, you know, if you find him to be too harsh or too strict about things that are not in your control, for example,

00:35:46 --> 00:35:50

then it's something you shouldn't negotiate. Okay, we have the example of Omar bin

00:35:51 --> 00:35:56

Ahmed bin Abdullah and who he was known to be very protective over his wives,

00:35:58 --> 00:36:01

to the point that one of the wives have forgotten which one it was,

00:36:02 --> 00:36:19

before she married him, she even said, you know, she said that she was not really keen on marrying him because he's known for being for having so much Aveda for his wives, that he won't even allow them to go out in some instances, right.

00:36:20 --> 00:36:23

And so what she did was she negotiated with him,

00:36:24 --> 00:36:31

I believe she negotiated to be able to at least go to the masjid whenever she wanted. And he just respected that. Right.

00:36:34 --> 00:36:44

But you see how it's about negotiation? Right? If you find the boundaries too much, because there is a certain level of personal

00:36:46 --> 00:36:58

preference in this right. So what one husband will not like, another husband may be okay with, okay, obviously, obviously, within the boundaries of Islam, I mean,

00:36:59 --> 00:37:06

but but some husbands might be a bit extra, right? If that's the case, then it's something to negotiate.

00:37:07 --> 00:37:32

And it's also worth discussing this in like, before you get married, you know, in your marital meetings, and you're kind of in the meetings that you have beforehand, to discuss what to get to know, you know, what kind of person what kind of expectations, this perspective spouse has, okay, it could even start doing some negotiations, then we'll actually do all of the negotiations then

00:37:34 --> 00:37:36

about what you would be would,

00:37:37 --> 00:37:44

would need, you know, so I hope I've discussed this in a balanced way, in sha Allah.

00:37:46 --> 00:38:08

Some scholars advocate making black so when scholars advise brothers whose wives don't wake up, they say, look, make dua for her, of course, because we want the end of the day smart about a power, it's not having a power trip. That's not what it's about. It's about wanting good for one's wife, right? It's about a duty of care.

00:38:10 --> 00:38:12

One ting your family to go to Jana,

00:38:14 --> 00:38:15

wanting to be a family that obeys Allah.

00:38:17 --> 00:38:21

So make the offer her, discuss it with her, you know,

00:38:22 --> 00:38:37

if you are suddenly becoming more religious, and you weren't when you started out in marriage, you need to take your wife with you on that journey. Because what can sometimes happen is, like, I've noticed this happening with for example, people who go to the village of upright,

00:38:39 --> 00:38:43

suddenly they become religious, the men, they start going to wg Jamaat.

00:38:44 --> 00:39:02

The Lia Jamaat doesn't in their area doesn't have a women's section, for example. So the men are going constantly being in that environment, all this kind of religion, religiosity, motivation, brotherhood, all of that. And he's developing himself.

00:39:03 --> 00:39:04

And his wife's at home, right?

00:39:06 --> 00:39:11

with the family. And sometimes she's feeling resentful, because he's left her

00:39:12 --> 00:39:13

for a long period.

00:39:14 --> 00:39:17

And other times, she's just not on the same journey with him.

00:39:19 --> 00:39:22

So, then, over time, he becomes resentful because

00:39:23 --> 00:39:29

she's not as religious as him anymore. She's not religious, or she's not in to the end.

00:39:30 --> 00:39:59

But the point is that you as a man of the house, have to take your family with you on that religious journey. You're supposed to be responsible for their Islamic education for the tarbiyah for introducing good company and family and families into your home. Right to take in your family on two good trips, for example, right like my dad used to take us on camera every year. Not every year, sorry, as much as he could

00:40:01 --> 00:40:04

My father used to, for example, take us to Islamic events,

00:40:06 --> 00:40:16

make sure we met Muslim families regularly. camps, you know those kinds of things, you do things with your family, so that they, they're on that journey with you.

00:40:18 --> 00:40:25

And so seek to change the culture of the home by educating the women of the children of the family.

00:40:28 --> 00:40:29

with wisdom, right?

00:40:31 --> 00:40:42

Make sure your family has good friends and good company, good Muslim company. Because your friends really affect the way you think.

00:40:44 --> 00:40:50

If you know over time, that that isn't working, advising your wife exhorting her

00:40:52 --> 00:40:57

gently and nicely. It's not working. And, you know,

00:40:59 --> 00:41:00

then it might be worth

00:41:02 --> 00:41:03

seeking mediation,

00:41:04 --> 00:41:06

seeking mediation,

00:41:08 --> 00:41:14

getting other people, you know, religious people, to your elders to

00:41:15 --> 00:41:20

advise you as a couple, and especially her when it comes to this particular thing.

00:41:22 --> 00:41:27

And there are also fatawa from scholars where they say that if the wife doesn't listen,

00:41:29 --> 00:41:32

then the husband has a right to insist and separate from her

00:41:34 --> 00:41:38

to give her the message that this is serious, separating the bed for example. Yeah.

00:41:39 --> 00:41:41

And if not, then he can.

00:41:43 --> 00:41:44

He has grounds for divorce.

00:41:45 --> 00:41:51

And drama never comes to that in any family. You know, because at the end of the day,

00:41:52 --> 00:41:53


00:41:54 --> 00:41:58

man who wants his wife to observe her job, hopefully he's doing that.

00:41:59 --> 00:42:13

for her own good, right? He wants her he wants his family to be a family that have these a lot. But you can see that the scholars take it so seriously. Because at the end of the day, the wife not wearing Hijab and going out,

00:42:14 --> 00:42:23

or the wife going out in a way, you know, trying wearing, for example, provocative clothing or clothing is uncovering her older.

00:42:25 --> 00:42:31

He is getting sin for it. That's the point. Yeah, he's also getting sin for it.

00:42:32 --> 00:42:34

And that's why scholars talk about it in this way.

00:42:38 --> 00:42:56

Again, this is right, but I'm forsaken, what alikum narrow. protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is mankind and stance over which are harsh, severe angels. We do not disobey Allah in whatever he commands them, and who perform whatever they are commanded to.

00:43:00 --> 00:43:05

So next time, we will continue with this film or have a little while mohalla level

00:43:06 --> 00:43:08

to help try and get a better translation

00:43:09 --> 00:43:10

of that.

00:43:14 --> 00:43:15


00:43:16 --> 00:43:18

let me know what your questions on.

00:43:20 --> 00:43:28

slideshare says Lena is supposed to come from a place of care. A lot of people don't have a correct form or we don't use it as a form of control.

00:43:30 --> 00:43:31


00:43:32 --> 00:43:40

Yeah. So like I said, you know, there's the two extremes. There's people who have to go to an extreme who think they can use violence and

00:43:41 --> 00:43:51

have this weird concept of honor. That is extreme, right? That's not what we're talking about here. And then there's the other extreme, which is men don't care.

00:43:53 --> 00:44:04

In fact, I remember years ago, I went to my friend's wedding and all I was going to go to my friend's wedding in Egypt. And she was hooked up usually, right. But

00:44:05 --> 00:44:12

she showed me a pre wedding event video, and she was completely decked out right, like

00:44:14 --> 00:44:22

beautiful clothes and makeup and hair in front of all the men. And in the video, and I was like,

00:44:24 --> 00:44:26

I couldn't, I couldn't let it go, you know? I said,

00:44:28 --> 00:44:34

but you were he joke, you know, like, How comes you were, like,

00:44:35 --> 00:44:37

in front of all the men, you know?

00:44:38 --> 00:44:55

And she looked quite sheepish. It seems that this is the other extreme. She looked quite sheepish. She said, Yeah, you know, you're right. And I wanted to wear the hijab. I don't want to be in front of the men. But my fiance, right. She said he wants the other men to know that he has a beautiful wife.

00:44:57 --> 00:44:59

She actually said that she

00:45:00 --> 00:45:06

Did my fiance once his friends to know that he has a beautiful wife? He wants them to see her?

00:45:08 --> 00:45:10

And I didn't know whether she feel sick? Or

00:45:13 --> 00:45:28

do you see it? So that's the other extreme, where men are looking at women as Oh, I want to show everyone Well, I've got, you know, as a wife, trophy type thing, right? And that's what this major sin is talking about, you know?

00:45:30 --> 00:45:30


00:45:32 --> 00:45:36

I think are you talking about like, in terms of type of family?

00:45:37 --> 00:45:38


00:45:39 --> 00:45:54

Look, everyone has to make a decision about what their priorities are, right? in any situation in any family, you have to make a decision? What are your priorities? Every human being makes decisions regarding their priorities.

00:45:55 --> 00:45:58

Every time you say yes to something,

00:45:59 --> 00:46:00

you're saying no to something else.

00:46:02 --> 00:46:07

And I heard this years ago. And now whenever I'm about to say yes to something, I asked myself

00:46:08 --> 00:46:20

by saying yes to this, what am I saying no to in other areas of my life, right? Really important to ask yourself that because

00:46:22 --> 00:46:24

Allah has made us with limited time limited

00:46:27 --> 00:46:31

resources, and at different stages of life, we have different priorities.

00:46:32 --> 00:46:34

Our children, when they're little,

00:46:35 --> 00:46:44

they have needs that they're never going to have that that level of need for care again, right? And they're never going to be as receptive again,

00:46:45 --> 00:46:46

as when they're very young.

00:46:48 --> 00:46:53

So every family needs to negotiate and work out what its priorities are.

00:46:54 --> 00:46:56

You know, can you

00:46:59 --> 00:47:01

lessen the hours? Can you not work?

00:47:02 --> 00:47:04

Especially when your children are young?

00:47:06 --> 00:47:08

And yes, that might mean not going on holiday?

00:47:09 --> 00:47:10

So what?

00:47:12 --> 00:47:20

Children need their mums more than they need holidays. Right? So I'm just giving a crude example there, right. But

00:47:21 --> 00:47:28

it's for every family to make that have that discussion. And to ask themselves, you know, why do both parents need to work?

00:47:30 --> 00:47:43

Can one parent can the mother, especially, because the you know, we don't want to belittle the relationship that mother has with a child. It's not interchangeable with just anybody write

00:47:44 --> 00:47:46

it special, we should be proud of that.

00:47:47 --> 00:47:48


00:47:51 --> 00:47:59

that this is why also Islam places the responsibility for earning money, and providing for the family squarely on the shoulders of men.

00:48:01 --> 00:48:16

Because it recognizes that women, mothers, in particular, have such an immense role to play in that family, that it seeks to lift the burden of financial responsibility off the shoulders of women.

00:48:17 --> 00:48:22

So a woman has no obligation to work.

00:48:23 --> 00:48:30

Right for to provide for the family, unless they are in a desperate situation. And there's no other way.

00:48:31 --> 00:48:36

Right? So I think it's worth every family asking themselves, can we?

00:48:37 --> 00:48:40

Can we live a more simple life?

00:48:41 --> 00:48:45

Can we live in a more simple way? Can we

00:48:47 --> 00:49:05

make it such that the wife is freed up to look after the home and the family, especially for those crucial young years, which are never going to come back? You know, because it's not a sacrifice. It's an investment. It's an investment.

00:49:06 --> 00:49:11

you're investing in your children. you're investing in the Muslims of the future by doing that.

00:49:13 --> 00:49:16

So I think I'll leave it with that and Shauna, and

00:49:18 --> 00:49:19

I think you get the picture.

00:49:21 --> 00:49:32

hope that's okay. Sisters think we've come to the end now. Next time, we'll continue with Lumo Hello, well Mahal, is it? Well, mahalo Lahu

00:49:34 --> 00:49:36

I'll get a better translation as well.

00:49:37 --> 00:49:51

And until then, just from Allah Heron salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. subhanak Allahumma handig. A shadow Allah Ilaha. illa Anta esta Furukawa Attaboy like Santa Monica.

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