Tap into your potential – 28.03.2013
Channel: Edris Khamissa
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just gone 12 minutes after 11 Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Welcome to our mashreq on various time internationally this Thursday morning. My name is Juanita south and I'm going to be with you in Sharma until 12 o'clock today, our program as measured
today is focusing on social upliftment, building up ourselves and improving ourselves inshallah, as he is with the very well known motivational speaker, brother Idris camisa, who's traveled around the world giving motivational talks and encouraging people for specialising in parenting, social issues, education, and a number of different issues. And it is well from the law has been a means of uplifting lives of many 1000s of people around the globe. We'll be speaking to at least come essential Aziz, just after this break. And the topic we're gonna be focusing on today in Chapman as he is, is with regards to how our problems that we face maybe at work, or maybe in other spheres of
our life, how it has an effect on our social lives, and how it has an effect on our family life, particularly for So focus for our program this morning. Stay tuned to our national economy regional International, we'll be back with you just after the break. In keeping with its proud heritage of reliability and durability, Melissa deal now offers you the best of small baggies that miss an NP 200 the np 200 has the longest low body in its class with a payload of a whopping 800 kgs over and above that it now offers us 60 or 150,000 kilometer battery warranty for the longest warranty for any vehicle in South Africa motor deal presents to you the np 200 with a free canopy for only
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Johannesburg, South Africa is a world renowned machine decisive more than 80 hours from Leicester United Kingdom will be performing on Wednesday, March noodle. This program will be a live on radio Islam international open Asia is the 28th March Madness terminal Friday, April
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60 minutes after 11 Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Welcome back to our metric on radio Islam International. We are joined now on the line by our guest brother Idris camisa. And as we mentioned it This is our observational speaker keeping us up to date and keeping us intact. It is by a pleasure having you on the radio with us. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato wailuku.
Barakatuh is a real pleasure to interact with you to be part two of this wonderful dynamic station radio Islam and hopefully our our discerning listeners have not given up on us Mashallah have not given up on life to put
Tension they have the potential to heal the potential to seek forgiveness and the potential to ask Allah officially will poke through this hole and Nakamura inshallah, inshallah Allah Aziz Al Hamdulillah. Idris by looking at our program today, inshallah, you see you've been faced with these issues quite a lot. Now, in the recent past, people have any and every one of us face this, that we have some sort of issue some sort of problem that we faces at work, or maybe in some other aspect of our life, we face a problem, and the effect that that has on our social life, on our demeanor on our families, and our treatment and our behavior, when it comes to our families and our social life.
Can you perhaps maybe go a little bit more into this, and what sort of problems have been coming to you?
You see, one of the things in life, you got to understand, he has a few dynamics at play,
you find that people respond differently to different situations, while some people are unaffected, others, those who would celebrate it, and they are those that people who get really, really affected by things. The one thing for example, is feedback. Right? And that is very, very important. You must you get feedback from people. And when that feedback is critical, points, nav that requires development, or even if it is unfair, I know that people get really, really upset to the individual that shared that additional nature of life, enlighten them, I always tell people, that when people whenever you judge someone, whenever you judge someone, you're really cutting yourself. Why is it
for example, that some people have only good things to say about people, while others, whenever anything good is said they want to add something negative. And more than all of that, you know, what we need to understand is something that many people do not deal with, is the way you see the world is the result of we have said many times with your experiences in the past, and especially especially experiences at home. And that's very critical z one example,
the other day, I counsel a couple, and you'll find that I asked him some basic questions I meant to their home, and they had initially an issue the daughter. So I said to their attorney, do you all as a family eat together?
They say no.
Do you as a family do hug each other before you go to work and come back? NBC said no. And then, you know, then
blessing. I asked the smell of the house.
Why not? You know, and Jeff will tell me something about your background. And then he told me things about his own life. And he said that his father was a very harsh person never hugged him, his father and his mother never got along too well. And the mother left him in India, quite young mother, father and mother together today. He said we can get no emotional and material support from my parents. So in other words, he did not grow up in a home with a Muslim. And as you're telling me this energy and you are killing you see, so the wife interjected, but that's the past. I said, No sister, it is affecting him in the presence, and he needs to get closure. regarding that. And then
you know, and,
given the days that I helped you to deal with that, why I'm sharing that, it's very, very important for us to always introspect and reflect and our ourselves, why do I be using this IP? What is it that informs my behavior? Why is it that I'm negative? Why is it that I cannot show emotional love to my family? Why is it when, when people give me feedback, and if they are critical of me, I get upset to them Why? You know, and, and, and in like Milan, as you know, also in the public profile, this program you and I are doing, you know, it's impossible to satisfy everyone is impossible. You know, if you are satisfied, we wanted something wrong with them all with the program. And because in
life, we measure what you need to measure, however you do something, there are people that will not be happy. That's the nature of life, but the problem is
When we allow those unhappy people to affect us in such a way that some of us say, Well, you know, for example, well, I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna speak again, I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna do that. And so that's the nature of life, I think, important, as adults especially, we have to always try to identify whether we've been through some negative traumatic experiences, and we need to talk about it, get closure on it. And that will be of
interest at this point of being able to identify what negative traumatic experiences we've been through in our lives, and being able to pinpoint what exactly is causing our behavior to be in a certain way, or what is causing us to act in a certain way, what causes us to go into a mode of, you know, some men will be going to a mode of Deep Thought we will, we will look past everybody, and we just want to be lost in thought. And obviously, it's something that has caused is something that has triggered it off, you know, the our ability to deal with problems, ability to deal with any type of stress, any type of issues, also, whether it be at work or otherwise.
And that is also because of some experience that we've been through in the past, how do we do that? And what should we do
about your, your, your reception is very, very bad, I can hardly hear you.
Okay, all right, we will call you on your landline.
Oh, 31649313. Okay. All right.
call you on the landline summarizes? Well, it's just gone 24 minutes after 11 you're listening to a mistake we discussing this issue with the FCC, when he saw the problems that we have at work, the stress and the issues that we've been through at work, and
how that affects our behavior at home, how it affects our behavior with our families. And it reminds me of an interesting story that I think it is by once once mentioned on a about a person who went to visit and other men, and he went to visit him at his work and he went home. And before entering home, he touched a tree, stood there for a little while, and then walked into his house. And when
this man asked him afterwards said Why did you stay in there to tree in touch if he says that this is called my problem tree. And I touch it a lot because all of my problems that have been through during the day, I transfer it to the tree, leave it outside my home, and I enter into my home a different person, a person who is full of love with full of happiness, so that I don't ever cause any sort of difficulty for my family and I don't take off my mood or my bad mood on my family. Okay, we're just going to try and get it this way once again on the line. Just checking with my engineer to be able to span the line again.
I'll see okay, we don't have him yet on the line. We will take a short break and when we come back inshallah we'll have it is camisa live with us once again. Stay tuned to Al Bashir coronaries from international
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Solid forms an integral part of our face Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said vetterli The first thing which Allah will take account for on this piano is Sunnah, if a person's Salah is in order, everything else will fall in place. However, if a person's Salah is not in order, he will face destruction, radio Islam during this month we'll be focusing on this essential pillar of Islam was interesting and captivating discussions on salah and much more radio Islam connecting the oma
if how many copies was ever used in mine says, Only Allah knows and we will only know in the day of Mohammed
He says that this is a sincerity of change. If you think on the day of Yama, it was a person who they said oh, I made hundreds of happiness and 1000s of hobbies. He doesn't say that. It will only be on the day of damage if you will know exactly how many houses
this was part of radio Islams years from focus.
Welcome back to American English, International. Welcome back to Idris camisa. It is by Are you there with us?
From vanilla, as we were discussing about how a person should deal with these issues in the world the person should do when he does go through these problems in work and how he shouldn't allow it to affect him in his in his alternative his social life and his family life. Yes, I think what is very, very critical,
that we must understand that as human beings, we have likes and dislikes. They are sometimes a person without you knowing him, you look at him. And some people say I don't like him. I don't like his time. I don't like his demeanor, right? It doesn't mean that the other person is necessarily a bad person. Therefore, we are told not to be judgmental because Allah is the best of judges. How often for example, human beings make enormous judgments of people. Yet when the person dies, you know, it's such a mubaraka janazah that people say about him, his family members society as a whole, then you realize, Oh, my gosh, I never know that part of him. I never knew his intrinsic goodness.
So the whole thing in life is that you got to understand, it's impossible to please everyone but it is possible to please Allah, what's really important in life to always look at your own intentions. Why is it that you're worried? Is it because of your pride? Because you know, you're arrogant? What is it? Why I am concerned? Because you need to change because Allah is an observation that correct? Then did allottee pleased with you? So it's about intentionality. That's important, right? That what is critical.
This is very important, especially, especially,
especially when you're dealing, especially when you're dealing with couples, it's very important, instead of you now, not talking, but keeping within yourself. It does not help a your partner to understand they don't help or him to understand what you're going through. It's important to share what's in your heart and that's very, very important. Because the relationship your husband and wife is a sacred relationship, and the relationship with the own children is a very, very important relationship. The relationship with your parents is important with your brothers and your sisters. These are primary relationships and I
What is important is you must not allow your attitude, your behavior to affect people around you. And if you wait for some challenge, to talk about it, you know, to speak and tell the person No, I'm not coping with this. I'm in the, you know, like your days, sometimes when I would come home, and having dealt with so many people and the issues, and and just you sometimes feel emotionally very, very exhausted. So you come home, the home is a sanctuary, where you can dress them, you can talk about some of those challenges anything much better, because you've got someone that listens to the empathy. So the critical thing for me, the three things that one must do. Firstly, you've got to
identify why you're behaving the way you are behaving. The second important thing is this. You could ask yourself, why are you affected by all of this. The third thing is if you are not coping, you need to seek help Of course, and of course, I like to believe that all the time you're talking to Allah, Allah loves you, Allah loves you. And we, as we are told, if you walk towards Allah, Allah run towards you.
So that is so this is very important that we need to understand that in relationship that can be a very, it's a it's a dynamic thing, because one never knows what's in the hearts of our people, you know,
it just sounds like you and the seaside
my phone, you know,
it's like I clean my neck slightly at about say
45 degrees or so,
it is me, if you look at the life of Rasulullah sallallahu. And he said we also draw from his siara situations and instances when he was also worried he was also concerned. And that also made him you know, put him in a thicker put him in greater worry. And it was evident when he wasn't home also, you know, the one incident when which we hear about the
loss of a large sum game home I shot Atlanta rates. And he was had a concerned look on his face. He didn't speak to anybody he went into the mercy of crime the member and he gave the message of commanding good and forbidding evil to this habit of alarm immediately because it received that
that way so he was worried and he needed to discharge that message, this habit of alarm and also other occasions as well. Whenever he said Allah harissa would come in and he was worried. You know, one occasion when we saw some came in and he consulted with his wife, masala, Mara della and her was when, at the time of Arabia, Nabi sallallahu, Al Islam was instructed to not shave his head. It also habit Atlanta may have been instructed shave your head, and none of them seated. And because of the depression of being able to go for Amara, he did not immediately comply to the civil law, civil law service instruction, we saw some gaming present and he was worried was about Atlanta has the most
what is wrong. Lisa explained that this is the problem with the people, and they don't want to listen. And then she gave advice that you go out in tweets, set an example. And we'll all follow the example. That's exactly what happened was my sister went out, called his own personal power, he shaved his head. And so however, Lancome follows that example of nice, awesome. So why why what you're seeing it's, it's an exam, it's lessons from the life of Rasul Allah.
Both those incidents, right, worrying is one thing. But the worry, it leads to inaction. And the problem right. Now, in both instances, there was action, both instances, the researchers did something about it. Right? And that's important. You see, the whole thing is this. I mean, in life, you got to always say to yourself completely, what is in my control? Well, what is it that I can do? What kept us alive, even me to change my situation, and why? And so these are important things. Now what happens? The real problem is, when people have what you call entitlement, they would want the other person to make the change to transform themselves, and you are entitled to that happiness,
that joy from them. But you forget that you know, you cannot be a spectator in your life. And you know what, the Holy smoke test for everyone secure for everyone, that the people that do rally the test, we have the right kind of attitude, who understand that nothing happens except with the will of Allah and the end, they know that they have the capacity to choose,
which is good and forget that which is wrong. And this is the whole point. We expect some things to do absolutely nothing. And we
expect the whole world to be at our best and call in
I mentioned that, you know, for those people that want to earn a living, it's not about, you know, it's about getting something like, you know, he said was the SEC be like the bird the leaves his nest an empty stomach and will no return with a full conviction the full stomach so it's about money putting out a sentence plan is about optimism, it's Islam, it's about hope.
It's about celebration of that hope. It's about believing more knowledge, mercy, that when you are praying to Allah, you don't play with the negative thoughts, therefore, it's about the expectation that you need to have high expectations, you know, I remember I say, Come the use of mentioned this once he said that, you know,
people who have high expectation of Allah, never fear poverty, you know,
it is very, it's just going to be two minutes before 12 I'd like to take this opportunity to remind our listeners that you are welcome to participate in this discussion, you can call zero double 18541548 and you can join us in the conversation you can also SMS 0731738461 and inshallah Z's, whatever questions, whatever issues you'd like to bring up the most welcome to bring it up there, there are 731738461 and inshallah, as it is, we will discuss that it is when, you know, when a person goes through this problems
in a question is, what does it mean that this person will be Emma must be like a victim as he adopt the sort of victim mentality? And how does he deal with that?
important question, you know, and we need to understand that
not just those that he loves. And once you go through a situation, I think,
this experience is not so much what happens to you rather, what you do to what happens to you need to take lessons from it. And he also told you, there'll be heartbreak babies, there isn't the person that is permanently pain, permanently language, it's about understanding that, and you'll find that, you know, there are people, you know, last week models, we only see Allah's mercy, when we're going through joy and happiness. But there are those who struggle, faith, the mercy in all circumstances of their life, it wouldn't be attested. They know it comes from Allah, and they know that, you know, they have an opportunity of uplifting themselves spiritually, right. So and you see endings also
part of the notion of victim mentality. There are many people who believe erroneously, that what I'm going through is so unique, no one has ever gone through this minefield to not be compared to anyone else's pain. But you know, the reality of life is that there are many people who have gone through what you have gone through, and many of them have gone through even more trauma than what you have gone through. yet. They have a a amicable disposition, they are pleasant, they're smiling, all the time, is because they know from where this test come from. So the moment you become the adopted victim mentality, then it's gonna really affect you, then what you will do, you'll find nothing on
your part to change your circumstances, you would never find fault with yourself will never take ownership of your life. We no such thing as consequence accountability, that we were always looking for the blame syndrome, and that is a very, very unhealthy thing. I mean, in life, you know, you can determine whether you want to go out and
go for your living, whether you want to go out and seek forgiveness or whether you sit back, since it's a question of what what your host philosophy of life is. And from where metallography emanating from, you know,
is very well, it's just 90 minutes before 12. We need to take one more break. Before we go to the second segment of our program. And in Shanahan as is the after we'll continue the next topic that we need to bring up with regards to this is how
the wife plays a role in the problems that the husband goes through at work. Is she meant to help him out he meant just be patient and wait on the sidelines. That's the question that we'll be asking so much just after the break. Stay tuned. At Sam International,
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squatter to draw Welcome back to Islam international and very warm welcome to our guests is coming say please buy
in I received an SMS and let me just go through this SMS in some houses.
As Salaam Malema How do you not become affected in a relationship when the difficulties and challenges in your marriage has pushed you closer to Almighty Allah but he's affected your partner partner the opposite way. So you have this constant conflict because you have become spiritually closer to align your heart's content in happy. However your partner seeks to help from everyone else but Allah spending 1000s of rands on therapy and counseling when you try and explain it Ally's free of charge even so hard for your partner to get onto the masala and ask for help.
It's a SMS a question that has come in from Nabil it's a very valid question. But the thing is, therefore, a one has to be very, very circumspect. You know, whose counselor you go to, because any counselor that gives you a recipe, and the recipe does not include, of course, reading the Quran, praying to Allah seeking guidance and his help in that guidance is completely wrong and incomplete. Now, one of the things that I would suggest to the sister, she must continue to do what she is doing, you know, as you find Sakina and comfort in the prayers, inshallah she must pray in our heart that her conduct will inspire husbands sooner or later. Now, the whole thing is is that it must not
lead to a conflict situation perfect that is seeking some help. That is, you know, somewhat reassuring, but it is important that they said the choice of the counselor and the second important dimension is how as a collective, they can do things together. And I'm sure the the husband if his eyes open, if he is discerning enough, he would see the
The positive impact of prayer that has had on on her, the wife so She mustn't give up, she must pray for him. And inshallah Allah is very, very merciful. And inshallah Allah make it easy for whatever conflict they're going through that they need to deal with it and shall answer, that's the thing about men and woman, you know, the they do things differently and I think it's important to inspire each other inshallah.
it will be the question that we asked us before the break men going through work problems, what is the role of his wife? And what responsibility does she have in helping him deal with it? Or in making life easier for him?
Yes, yes, I can hear you see, this. The reason why I'm sharing this is that you find that, you know, statistically,
they say, women outlive men, right. And you find that I found in my own observation, my own life itself, that when men get sick, they feel so debilitated that they, they no longer participate in the family meeting rituals. So to cut themselves off,
they went to sleep, and then the wife seemed a bit helpless, what you must do, and one of the I made a few recommendations for one couple, I said to her, that, you know, industry, nature of life, in a woman are an umbrella,
very resilient, in our lives, give them a tremendous tenacity, they have a high threshold for pain. And since then, generally speaking, the exception, of course, to every rule is that I know when I do get sick, you know, I just want to be pampered, I want my wife to be at my doctor, you know, I want it to be at my beck and call, that's the nature of most men, you know, and the end, what men do not want is with the white church, and they know what I don't I think we should get up involvement, you know, you should do this, and why don't you do this, and they don't want a lecture and advice at the time, unless they're seeking for that advice. And, of course, what they want is prayer, and what
they also one is that, you know, the, the the mother, the wife, for example, the kind of things that she was doing, she continues to do that, and to be reassuring, of course, to tell her to pray for the husband, and they pray together. And that's very, very important, because they must say, as many women do, that when I get sick, you know, I he doesn't plan for me, or I don't want to be pampered. We don't need all of this, but men know they like to be pampered if they like to be tempted to pester them. And I think it's very important that husband and wives do talk about the situation. And when they are in the situation, the wife must ask the husband or vice versa.
What kind of support you want from me, you know, because every individual is different, maybe as a his own uniqueness. Maybe he would want to be left alone. Or maybe he wants his wife to talk to him or a whole range of things. Because in the end, you know, when you're told that your garments are to each other, it's such a powerful metaphor. Sometimes when you're going through a crisis situation, the issue of government as a metaphor is completely forgot.
Also, another issue dealing with regards to wives is something completely off this topic. But in the event, the husband falls sick, husband falls ill, whatever illness it may be, whether it is a minor flu, and he's bedridden, or is in bed for a few days, or the husband is going through a much worse illness. What is the wife's role? When it comes to the husband's illness? How does she help him? How does she assist him? What responsibilities does she have on her shoulders? And vice versa as well? Does the husband also have responsibility when the wife is here?
To see the relationship between husband wife is a very complementary relationship, if something is that, apparently specific, in terms of the role of the wife at home, and she's unwell. The husband must play that role. It's very, very important that he does that, you know, and I recall this very, very poignant and emotional incident and I think I mentioned once in the radio, when I was in Edmonton, Canada, the teachers pointed to me, young students
You know, she was my friend in school. And
so this must speak to her because her mother, I think, died tragically when she was a child. And really, when she told me a story about the father, kid, you know, so after
the trauma was looking after, you know, after my mother passed away, my daddy gave up all this work, he stays at home, he cooks for me and everything else. And it was so emotional, you know, because some people don't have an extended family. So what he has done here, because the wife is no more, he took over her role.
In most ways, of course, you cannot do it completely. But in most ways, this is still a cylinder vacuum of the mother, and of course, fulfilling his own role. And I think this is important, I think it boils down again, to communication that we do not communicate enough. We serve community feeling, and looking at resolutions, we often fighting about things, when better imagery could be spent trying to look at the way ahead. And the point that you make is a very, very significant point, that we are supportive of each other. And it's important that we are able to do whatever we can to fulfill that role in I remember
one of my friends you know, after this of value, Professor Wu some years ago, when he met have an accident when he was staying in Devon Paulo. And at that time, I think the way the refurbishing the home, and he says you know that I only realized my wife serviceability. Sometimes he assumed that they can only do domestic chores, is when I got sick, and I was wondering will continue
to ensure the completion of the renovation. And whilst I was bedridden, my wife took over and she did such an excellent job. So all of us have different capacities to fulfill. I mean, when you look at, you know, monana, those individuals that are born with our arms and legs, and they do some incredible things, and they don't sit back and complain, they go ahead, they are motivational speakers. They I am happily married, and be able to do things with their feet when they've got no arms, or they do things, the arms, they got no feet, they do all of that. And I think there is a kind of lethargy or inactivity in our products, the capacity, we have to do great things. But sadly,
we spend a lot of our energies groveling in the mud, a big negative gossipy and not being uplifting as you should.
And, you know, we've come across this as well, when, unfortunately, the spouses feel that their partners are not supportive enough when it comes to dealing with or assisting them supporting them. In the illness or in difficult times, it's in both situations is similar, the husband goes through difficulties at work, whatever, or he becomes ill or the wife becomes Emma, she has her own problems that she needs to deal with. And the basic thing is that you are in a marriage that you have subscribed to, not only for physical relations, but emotionally, you are there to support each other. And you are there to assist each other. And this is what you need that this is the type of
assistance. It is the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi Salaam, that
a Muslim, assist the Muslim in different situations like for example, visit him when he's sick, attend his janazah, etc. That is the rights of a Muslim upon another Muslim. And if that is for a common deliver, and obviously for your spouse, it would be even more so applicable.
In other No, that's very, very important. You know, I think that the bottom line, you see I see the home as a sanctuary, a place of healing, a place of reflection, a place of re energizing yourself with the kindling and medica place where you know that it's uplifting, and that is fundamental because the institution of marriage, the second institution is a it's an institution that he never ends and what is important, is very, very critical that we need to invest emotionally, spiritually, physically, materially, in this particular relationship. What's the use of your, you know, healing the whole of humanity, but cannot do it to the person that is most deserving and most needy, have
that kind of support? And I think you know, and I'm so glad you're referring to this. I think all of us need to really look at our relationships. And I think there are very few people who can say
That they are doing enough, you know may be examples of those he'll be an inspiration to others. So that in the end the bottom line is you know, that in a medida at least you know that you built an empire in the heart of our spouse who pray for us who remember us and would be able to say
good things about us and Shana and maybe your spouse is truly happy for the right reasons for the right reasons and Amity and Indeed Allah will be pleased you
for your time this morning and we hope you have a good break and nice long weekend. inshallah you too Maulana into the cycling
gym. I've got my Bermuda shorts here and I'm ready to go.
And look up to your shisha Molina seven salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
That was the police camisa speaking to us out of Durban and it brings us to the end of our program and summary la inshallah has us we'll be back with you on Saturday morning. And that will be for the marriages on the air program function he sat on this Thursday was salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.