Channel: Edris Khamissa
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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Welcome to the GSM international Thursday morning in our guest with us on our program this morning is the ever moving ever ready brother.
very busy, very, very busy.
Multiple, the opportunity every day of bringing good
people bringing people together objectifying people's emotional experiences.
We have an opportunity every day to grow,
to learn from your mistakes, and learn from people. Very important perspective and you have a public profile. People that are very critical, sometimes a few is good, a lot less than those are points that I created under the law. I'm excited.
It sounds like you're on the move again some way.
I just come from
a I do work at the school.
Back in China this weekend speaking about family speaking of our children, I was listening to another radio station on my way
them discussing about corporal punishment is different opinions that different people give corporal punishment should remain where they should be moved in. And this is in response probably to the to the article in the star.
Congress of South African students is urged the pupils and learners to keep back
keep them. So it is it's a worrying and very sorry state of affairs. It is along the line, the blessing, the interview
is a very personal interview and very insightful. People have this erroneous notion that no corporal punishment, they are not disciplinary measures as far from it. And what is critical is this in life, we have to teach our children their consequences to positive
and negative consequences to negative behavior. When good takes place, there must be some degree of reward must be applauded. They must be motivated, they must be recognized. And
token when the opposite is true. There has to be some kind of discipline emitted cannot do things with impunity. And so this is a reality.
I think in our homes today, the eyes to harsh punishment, we are overly indulgent
difficulty that we are facing when it comes to family problems when it comes to
that families face the dysfunction and what can we attribute it to what causes this sort of dysfunctionality?
You know, one of the things that people need to recognize
dysfunctionality has different meanings for different people. My understanding is basically a family. Normally we look at the word family, you're the images, the connotations, that come to mind, is one of understanding, one not disagreeing agreeably.
This commonality of vision, the recognizing of the other, these nurturing these a positive self esteem, these communication communication of your feelings, if you love these empathetic understanding, you feel protected, you feel that
sanctuary. Now, on the other extreme, that you're living at a time that die they display anger, obsession, or whatever people carry baggage. With these argumentation with these individualism is no harmony between the married couple, and the children themselves. take on the role, responsibility. Everything is a fight this vulgarity is often alcoholic abuse, the addiction to drugs, and more importantly, the home itself loses the connotation of warmth and caring. In fact, you feel that when you come home, you're coming to a place
of danger, and you feel your own safety valve is to leave at home, when you cannot even express or what you go through on a daily basis. And my own understanding is this. I regard the home
oratory, you are giving each other effective antidotes and powering them, so that when they leave the home, they are able to tackle the challenges of the world with confidence, and with a deep understanding that every time you have a challenge outside, you can come home and talk about the challenge. And the non members of the family. being critical of you in a negative sense, will also help you and give you other weaponry, I use the word advisedly, so that when you're dealing with a challenge, in a much more positive way, in a much more empowering way that you're able inshallah, to unleash your potential
needs to be in a cave, and maybe people find that strange energy that they can recharge, they can go back into the world, but unfortunately, we're not finding that in the home, they're not finding the peace, that tranquility, and they're not finding the support that they want, or they be so much yearning for in the home. It is by obviously, there's has to be some steps that a person can take in order to be able to build up a home like that, or does it just come with circumstances.
what you're saying is so true. I mean, just to give you an example,
the theme some days in people's lives are more demanding for the mother was primarily for the son,
extraordinary demand, he might have gone through some negative experience, or the father was life on that particular day when everything appeared to go wrong. And when he comes on, he might say, you know, I normally come today just add some peace and quiet today is such a terrible day, you know, in that land, for example, doesn't get the peace and quiet in people at a critical, you always want your peace and quiet. And what
kind of thinking really, really creates an unnecessary situation with a man, for example, goes for his fight, and comfort to other causes. So what is important and what you're saying is so true, it really is one of the most important things is that you need to understand, it must be a reciprocal understanding of each other. And what we do. And if, for example, I understand fully the kind of challenges my wife faces, when I come home, instead of me being critical of her and being harsh. I need to show gratitude in front of the kids in the desert. moolah, my beloved my sister Bob Lena, in a fourth ever you do I cannot thank you enough. You are my strength. And therefore this is a very
important and fundamental thing. Which I want to share with the listeners that sometimes my husband Yeah, I'm like your maid, you know, I wash your clothes
for you. But that's not the point. You see, it's about us putting value on things. We've put example You see, no, no, no, I'm not used made. When I cook for him. I'm helping him to do all the noble things that he does outside. I know. I'm also contributing to fulfillment of the dream. Suddenly, a car that appears menial suddenly reaches another level. And I must cite an example that I came across the other day. You know, we often
trivialize the things that you do. There was a man who went past a construction site.
And he asked this particular person, you know, what are you doing?
Can't you see? I'm doing this for my paycheck. And the same construction site. He met someone else who was also you know, looking very negative, very upset, agitated, and he said, Oh, are you Do you not have the eyes? Can you not see that? I'm falling in concrete?
Same construction site.
Another person smiling and listening. And you're asking, What are you doing?
I'm contributing to a dream. We are building a shelter for the homeless people. And you see in the corner there. The geometry is going to be you see in the corner, this is the kitchen is going to be each of them. We're doing the same thing. Each one of them has a different value to what they were doing. So it's very, very important especially for mothers, sometimes that they diminish themselves. We undermine what they do that remember all the extra would be the husband's
also be getting the blessing. The very few men today you can say I cannot take my wife, my daddy my sutiable
for the support you give me.
My bag. I'm not saying it's not my duty, but she does it in a particular fashion in a classy way, backing this God is doing this doing that, like no no. When all of those email addresses are reward it was a matter how much of gratitude I can show you I think it's important for us to understand our respective roles, and to understand the nobility in everything lability in the person to keep the house clean nobility in the person that makes what you said is so true. It's about what steps need to be taken to talk about that now.
Obviously, a person who wants to have a success can make every person can make a change can make a difference in their own lives, or just with the attitude they wake up with in the morning.
Go into the world with money attack the world with like the person who saved the building, and the different ideas of what they are putting up. Similarly, every one of us we have our different objectives and ideas of what life is.
When you wake up in the morning, this way, what what do you say to yourself to motivate yourself? What do you say to yourself?
That you wake up with a spring in your step?
Another more important question is that, does this happen every single day? Sometimes your off days, just feel a little bit low and down.
I get up every morning with enthusiasm. There are days when I feel mentally fatigued. It's just the nature of my work. What I energize myself, because one of the things in life, I have learned that you have one chance in your life, and the only thing we can control in our life is our attitude. This is the only thing you can control. And I remember once I mentioned this, I think one day I caught up and had a just few hours of sleep. And then I when I was having my server, I said to myself, you know, I'm tired. And I said to myself, no, no, I'm not
energized. And that attitude helped me through this whole day. I was humbled enough. And, and one of the things he wants to
do one second one second.
So what happened was this, I got up with energy just last week, and I'm vanilla. I was in Doha. And then the I had the good fortune last blessing to meet Michael Jackson, who became a Muslim, Jermaine Jackson. And of course, the inimitable armor college, you know.
You must go to his website, you know, inviting to this country, tremendous energy towards Islam and Assam Bonilla is regarded as the most influential Muslims in the arena in the Arabian world anyway, I think I left for this opportunity because they energize me. And he said to me something he said, Mr. Khalid said something and also demean Jackson because they grew up in a home where they had
two rooms the size of a double garage, nine of them staying together. And you spoke about the love the family, developing them. And you said to them, You know what people think that success is relative success when people come around you, and they see how great you are. He said, No, it is true success is your character. And when ally stays with you, look,
he stays with you. Now, we, certainly many of us, because of our egos, we want our names to be on the newspaper in the front page, you know what I'm saying to you. And then you find the people that fully successful. Those will acknowledge the people around them that acknowledge the wife and acknowledge people around him. I was watching this DVD about this person was climbing the Mount Everest, and he said I was about to take the summit. But I said no, I didn't ask the person to ship the shepherd. People from the Tibbets will kick them off. I want you to go up first. Because without you, I could not get up there for success. It's about understanding people around you. It's about
people. doing the right things is about touching people's hearts is about people remembering you for the right reasons, people making blood for you when you die. So it's about those things. You're not about person necessarily acquiring all the wealth, or being famous, but your fame in it because empires are really built in the hearts of people. And we need to understand that the person can attain true success. And therefore, we need to redefine what is success in such a way for people to understand that all of us are capable of true success. You know,
What What advice ever received a message from a listener
sort of African eating the the problems or difficulties that they are having in their home? And it's a lady we sees that she's been living in a just functional environment for too long now, in a marriage that's dysfunctional. She says, I see the effects of this dysfunctionality my kids have tried every way. I've tried by getting others to speak to my husband, I've spoken to him myself. I've given it so many years. But I cannot stay anymore, it's easier to leave and avoid confrontation. But it is to my children's detriment. They are seeing a hypocrite, someone who preaches to the world but neglects all Salah, and spends the entire night in watching movies. He
says, yesterday, my son was playing and came in last, he started throwing things around and saw. This is the behavior he witnesses, and he's emulating the behavior. Now she says, I've made up my mind to leave, and nothing else is making my husband realize that he needs to change. So they have performed this design I've made my sure I was orlimar. And all of those decisions taken.
So many steps, she says that
this problem is very complex, there's so many things to to explain. But my gut, my gut feeling is that my husband is in a depression. It is by some words of solace and advice for the sister with
You know, Mawlana
bows a boy, give me one second,
So anyway, well, my own advice is basically the following. The one is a general advice. And I'm saying this to all our sisters, whenever they the issue in the marriage, never leave it until you reach a point of frustration, when you cannot handle any more of a desperation. When you want out. The critical thing is, once you assert yourself at the very beginning of the marriage, in the sense, pretend you have pretty severe brain problem, we need to sort it out. At that time, especially with the man is also finding his feet, he wouldn't respond accordingly. And
now you find that what the mother is saying now is not uncommon. In fact, I've dealt with one case yesterday with a mother of a number of kids who said to me, I want out anyway, I said to them for a while, because the husband said he is under stress you've been through, I said he needs to go for anger management or range of things, right. So I'm saying to her, unless they have tried every avenue, we have been for counseling the two people for me, I decided I've done everything possible. And then you make a decision like this is another matter altogether. But what is important and significant is this, that, you know, the way any person behaves, is a reflection of his upbringing,
a reflection of his attitude and his values. Now you find, and this is really for men. And for men, it is not so much what persona you have outside, when people say, Oh, you're such a good name. You know, you give lectures, you do all of those things. For me, my acid test is going to be for me, that when I die, that my wife can see your letters akula Forgive me such a wonderful husband, what they say about him outside is even true at home. His kindness is magnanimous he is nurturing is the respond to sensitivity. So people must understand that. And what happens is also the other notion, as if I will not die tomorrow, in our country at any time is very important for us to make peace
from a place of tranquility and affection. So my own, you know, for her, I want you to understand that nothing happens except the role of Allah, that Allah is not displeased with her that her reward equals Allah. But I'm not suggesting that she remains in that role for life, she needs to address it either went all the way to people, and that husband needs to be confronted. And they must not be to expose him no Far from it, is to say, Listen, I want you I want to make you happy. He wants to be happy to get in this marriage, but I cannot do it on my own. And we have to work on it together. And if he says to her, to hell with you, I'm looking chested then she must do whatever she has to do.
To make it easy for the system for on ladies in husbands also working through me. Absolutely, absolutely. Because that notion,
that notion, only the men are perpetrators of it is wrong. And what is important is this.
The the critical thing also is that we're wasting any time
he has to respond, you know, properly and accordingly
is this, there's no such thing as time like this, I cannot change,
possibility for change. Everyone can change. Everyone can't see you cannot have a victim mentality. You cannot say, okay, because my father was like this, I'm like this because my mother, no, no, Western psychologists accept that. But we as Muslims, we reach an age of discretion, and we know what is right and what is wrong. And we are told about the dangers of anger, when you're angry, what you need to do the standing you sit, you're sitting, you lay down,
everything is there, because in a moment of anger, in one of the ironies, modernized, the same people that are angry with a family, outside the angry thoughts, in so calm, they're so calm and collected, the staff will see such a wonderful person understanding it, when he comes on me, he can do what he wants to do, the impunity is unacceptable, the home, the home, our assets will be, who are we at home? What kind of individuals are we, you know, what will never change say about us, you know, what I'm saying to you, and that is very, very critical. And we need to understand that, you know,
we need to take a short break, and we'll be back just after that inshallah. So stay tuned to maybe some international Islam.
Welcome back to real Islam International, and it's our Thursday programs focused live with as his brother
is by continuing with our discussion of
some sort of peace, solace and happiness in the family.
What are the steps
in making sure that the family life is happy? You know, we've we've discussed so many times, about changing attitudes, especially
small changes that a person needs to make.
It seems like it's either falling on deaf ears, or people are not finding the practicality.
Or one of the things that we need to learn is the fact that Allah is the provider. Right? And I really believe fervently
Focus on the Family.
You'll find that even
easier, number one, secondly, what happens to us is, we often worry about things that are totally out of our control. totally out of our control, become very, very preoccupied right? Now you'll find it it's simple steps, if you can do the simple steps to find peace of mind, you know, why should
you orient someone someone money? Yes, it is worrying that you do you want to pay it. But why should it be occupying your mind while you are praying? Why should it be occupying your mind?
having some kind of discussion with your family? Why should he be occupying your mind once you are driving, you know what I'm saying to you, he does lead us to realities, that is not going to help the situation. Now, if you do whatever you can do the best you can do, right? And that's an important part of your life. So we need to learn to focus. Now, those regards the family is very, very critical part of the family and an important part of their life. Focus on the theory of
tell them, you know, as a perfect model, in terms of how we related and did different things with his family and society itself. So I'm, for example, going home right now, and I have
about eight presentations in the UK, and about four presentations this weekend. Now, yes, it is quite the burden of responsibility, but I will not allow that to erode me. It will occupy my time but then neither
Don't mean, the expense of everything else, they are days in which you are more pressurized than the other, and the family needs to recognize it. So the reticles The first thing is someone give you 10 steps of inshallah.
And one, we need to understand that, we need to firstly surrender ourselves completely to Allah,
something very few of us do. And very few of us, many people aspire towards doing that. And you ask those who give them life completely to Allah, they see the whole world opens to them, the whole world of Allah brings people to them. They don't have to run around looking for the role, the rosy comes to them so easily. So it's about surrendering yourself completely to Allah. The second step is this, is we need to manage your time effectively. Because after we're filled in the scheme of things, how much of my time is spent with my family? How much of it was my work? How much of
how much of it for the oma and then you reprioritize your life. And, for example, the second important point of making your passion for work? Is it becoming an obsession, an obsession is at the expense of everything else. So the difference is, whether my passion is becoming an obsession, so that time management
is very, very critical is about prioritizing your life. In other words, doing First things first, looking at what he is,
There, the critical
thing is, is, is asking people around you, asking them, a feedback about you is going home to your wife, my darling, this might come as a surprise, but I would like you to tell me what you think about and be open about it. I don't think he's spent enough time with us. You do not have you know, things of things. And listen to that advice. Because what these things you want to alive is better than being said.
My father, never spend enough time with us. So I biopsies better than an autopsy. Right? The next point is as each one of us needs to
pursue excellence in every aspect that we do is to ask yourself, okay, what can I improve as an individual, right? The other very important point is this, that they need to develop this whole ethic of
consultation with a family, have a discussion with a family, it mustn't be a one sided
For sure, the next point that I would recognize is that you need to celebrate your family, make them an important part of your life, tell them that you love them, hug them, embrace them every day of your life. And also create in your home, a sense of forgiveness. The other important things that we need to understand was you spoke about the whole concept of time, you must regard every day as a bonus. And one of the things that I've been telling my father, and
my father, Daddy, you know, every time you and I need
to either mean one of two things, one, just one less time, I want to see you and it might be the last time I'm gonna see you You know, and if you are aware of that every day, then you will not take it for granted. You will not take your family for granted. The other thing that you need to
you got to understand what is the motivating factor? Why am I getting angry? Why am I not able to manage my life
becomes too stressful. And my
at my old capitalizing and my Do I Need help? Do I need my family around me? Right? And we can do this and the last most important point is embracing the eloquent example.
And if your portfolio is done zombie publication,
round up the program now.
final words of advice
is to people you know it. You know I remember there was one motivational speaker. There are 1000s of people
that were there. He said to them on the telly something that is so obvious, and they wanted what it is. He said your life
You are alive. When you are alive, you are alive with possibilities. It's about us understanding we've got only one life you need to take ownership and we need to improve ourselves, we need to be with a family. And so my encouragement is to reconnect with your family, you know, and forgive and forgive each other. Because if a man is unhappy at home, then you can never be happy. No one else can make him happy. No one, you know, of course, if you are unhappy at home, you know, and unhappiness is seen by people that what happened to you, you look a bit despondent. And if you're unhappy in the workplace, that's okay you can manage as long as you have a family that the sanctuary
So please, my brothers and my sisters, I beg you, happiness is self inflicted, created by others, you need to create your own happiness Allah is so merciful, and when you go through you must be pleased to get some money. Please all like all times, right? This is the whole point. You only get pleased and alarm if something goes our way. We do not realize the the the way our love works, and the things that you know we are pining for
inocula inshallah, and we need to understand the nature of things that are lower, maybe heart disease,
and chemo life, the heartbeat and your life
there's no such thing as that we must compare ourselves to people who are lifted
materially but compare ourselves to those who are more than us spiritually. That would be a good way inshallah to help the woman inshallah
by once again for joining us and we hope to speak to you next week.
Bless you always any
Thursday morning, I said mid Kumara hammertoe lucky