Khatira – How to Treat Your IN-LAWS

Omar Abdullah Barakatuh Mr. Hanner human hamdulillah have been either mean was slaughter was someone that or Saudi Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Marine, Allah subhanho wa Taala in the Quran he says the Kerala confy rasool Allah He asked what on her Santa Monica your doula who were Yeoman earthenware that God Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala says that the best example is in the example of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. That means that if we want to improve our spiritual life, we go back to the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, if I want to improve my luck, I go back to the life of the prophet Sallallahu sallam. If I want to make my A Baghdad better, I go back

to the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, because there is no better example than the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we also find something very common in the Quran. That whenever Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about Riba and when Allah talks about the rights of other people, there is one category of people that are always mentioned. We find incidentally Sal Allah subhanho wa Taala says Why would Allah want to sneak will be he che and will bill Wiley, they need sun and will be the Cordoba, Allah subhanho wa Taala when he talks about it and he badda he says you worship Allah subhanho wa Taala alone. Be respectful to your towards your parents, be

compassionate to your parents, but then Allah subhanho wa Taala he mentioned the relatives in certain certain Israel or Bani Saeed, Allah subhanho, wa taala. He says, What Teasle orba Hapa? Well, Myskina webinar severe, give your relatives their due rights. Now, usually when we say this word an all about those who are your relatives, usually, the first thing that comes to our mind is my uncle, my auntie, my, you know, my my grandmother, my grandfather, from both my father's side, my mother's side, but there is usually one category of people that get overlooked, and they usually did not come to our mind. And the reason why today I want to quickly talk about this is because you

know, subhanAllah majority, or I would say majority, a lot of problems. When I hear them from the people, a lot of times a really comes down to this. And I may not be able to cover everything about this topic. But I just want to say a few things about this topic today. And that category of people that I'm referring to, are the in laws, or the in laws. First of all, is that Allah subhanho wa taala, when he says respecting involves when he says respecting relatives, the in laws come into that because first of all, think about this, as from the perspective of a man as a husband, we have to first of all realize that that family when we proposed as a man, when you propose to that family,

they said yes, they could have said no, but they saw something in you, they saw something in the man himself, that they felt that okay, this is probably a good family, let me give our daughter let us give our daughter to this family. And this is a great deal of honor. And not only that, but a favorite from that family that they have given the daughter. So we should never feel that number one is that, you know, this is something that she belongs to us. You know, subhanAllah I've heard men I've heard I've not when I say this, I am not saying this with any kind of exaggeration. I've heard people say that she belongs to me, she's mine, as if she's some kind of property that now because of

that, I can treat her whatever I want. I can say whatever I want to her parents, I can disrespect her parents. And while I know, I've seen that there are there are you know, sometimes even the wife's family, they are very verbally disrespectful to the husband, which is also not allowed majority of times that I have seen, I have seen the husband's family or the husband himself being very rude and disrespect to their father in law to their mother in law. Why? Because your wife now or your daughter is mine. First of all, let's just think who was the father in law tourists who was a law it was sending them we this is why we stay the life of the prophets. I send them the Prophet

Allah you son was a father in law. The problem was our son was a son in law, who was his son in law two, he was a son in law to obika or the EULA one, he was a son in law to nominee Mahatama the Allah one. And if you see his treatment, are they he's Salam with obika The Allah one after he has made Ayesha will lie. We will not find these kinds of things in the nature of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So it goes both ways. A man and a woman, husband and wife, they need to learn how to verbally respect each other's parents, because it's always about reciprocation. If one respects the other, then they say, you know, they say noble things than the other will reciprocate the same

kind of respect. Something else that we find, which is very common. And you know, I wouldn't say this, you know, of course, I don't say this with any wrong intention.

But the wife is not Islamically she's not Islamically obligated to serve the parents of the husband. She's not required Islamically. Now, if before the marriage, if the husband and wife, they say that, you know, we're going to be living together, for example, and you know, you will be there, and you have to serve my parents. And you know, she's she's of that understanding. And she agrees that that's a different case. But if she Islamically obligated, no, but can she do it, of course. So this is something else that we learned is that serving our parents, and it does not matter whose it is, if we are serving each of those parents, we're showing that o'clock, we're showing that adult, this

is something that's very, very important, and especially when it comes to joint families. Look, I personally, this is just my personal opinion about the matter. I'm not in favor of joint families to begin with, I'm just not in favor of it. And however, if there is a situation where there's such a big house, where the entrances are two separate, the quarters are two separate, find no problem, inshallah that works. But usually, a lot of times when they're living together, there's going to be some ups and downs. And that kind of situation of man needs to realize that my wife is not necessarily obligated, but the husband himself is obligated to take care of his parents. But even in

that kind of situation, the wife needs to realize that this is the parents of my husband, and the man that I take care of this is the parents of them, and hence I need to take care of them. And hence I need to be respectful more than anything else, I have to be respectful. Now, one thing I do also have to mention that in our cultures, this is across the board, whether you come from like the the Indian subcontinent, or you come from the Middle Eastern, something that we find very common is, you know, you have husbands living with their parents, and they bring a wife into that into that marriage and they're living with their parents. But there are some cases where the husband is living

with the inlaws. Okay, the husband is living with the inlaws and SubhanAllah. So many times in our society, it gets seen as like almost as if they are committing a crime. Okay, the what kind of a man is almost as if they began to question his, his, you know, his, you know, his authenticity or his his, his authority as a man, and we say what kind of a man he is that he's living with his in laws. Let's remind ourselves that when Musa alayhis salam went to Medina Yun, who was he living with was he living with his mom and dad, he was living with his in laws, the fact that Allah subhanho wa Taala mentioned this in the Quran, that he's living with his in laws, if this truly was a

problematic situation, if there was something wrong with this idea that a man is living with his in laws, why would Allah mentioned this in the Quran, think about this for a moment, Allah mentioned his story, because there's a subtle lesson in this for all of us. The next thing is that when it comes to visiting, that we should always go and visit our in laws. And not only that, but it's also the responsibility of a man is the responsibility of a man to let his wife go and visit her her parents. In fact, you know, subhanAllah, how many times today in marriages,

this is a major point of contention, that the husband says that you need my permission. Now, usually in our society, when you say permission, is almost as if one is as one is the authoritarian and the other one is subservient. And so the one who is subservient needs permission from the, from the one who's the authoritarian, or a lot of times when we talk about taking permission or seeking permission, one is superior, one is inferior. And in the world that we live in today, with the rise of feminism, and so forth. A lot of times this becomes problematic in our families. So what happens is that work it out, do work it out. However, I will say this many times we see in many families,

that the girl's family, the girl's family, the in laws are saying they're telling her what to do, they're telling her that just go ahead and come over to our home and so forth. No, that's not right. Husband and wife need to work that out. A wife's family needs to stay out of that situation. They can say come over, but then the wife needs to work it out with the husband and come to an agreement and so forth that you know, she can go and win she can go finally the last thing I will say is when it comes to in laws is that you know how many times I've heard this case and this is why I'm saying this when you get married to a man or when you get a you know when you get married to a man or a

woman. And you know two people come together in the bonds of marriage. Remember that the other family so in the case of a wife, her in laws or the case of a husband, his in laws, they may not be on the same religion.

wavelength as you. So what happens a lot of times is you go and you begin to interact with your inlaws. And they have, they may know about their Deen, they may not know about their Deen, they may be religious, they may be far from religion. And what happens is in that case, is that you hear them saying something, which is totally uncalled for saying something completely against the idea of religion, saying things in their families, and you're there, you're hearing this, and you're thinking to yourself to how can they say this about religion? This is completely, you know, opposite of what our Dean has taught us. And we hear these kinds of things. And the first thing that what

happens in many cases is they feel I need to, I have the obligation to correct them. And usually what happens is that in correcting them, we begin to, you know, we strike a nerve. And then we become we know, we become the problem makers. What's important to realize is, that if you are going amongst your inlaws, and they you hear them saying something, which is once again, Islamically, totally wrong, you can correct them one time, correct, do correct them one time, but if they make this as a habit, and they feel that, you know, they can do whatever they want, as a person of the family, and there's no and you cannot correct it after that, you just let it go, you leave it to

them. And you as long as you and your spouse, you and your husband or you and your wife are on the same page is absolutely fine. But it's not our job and our responsibility that every single time we go amongst our in laws, and we may hear them saying something, and it's totally uncalled for. And we feel like I have the need and the obligation that I have to correct them. Because a lot of times, we don't know how to correct mistakes. There's even a science on how to correct the mistakes from the seeder of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. Many times we don't even know how to do those kinds of things. So the best thing to do in that kind of situation, is to just take a step back. But the

most important thing out of all this is just making sure that we respect each other. Because once again, if a husband is respecting his wife's family, his wife's parents, he talks to them with dignity, with respect, and he looks after them and he treats them almost like as if they are his parents, then remember that the wife will reciprocate that same kind of love, that same kind of respect. But what we see what we're seeing overwhelmingly, I'm seeing is also from both sides. Well, you see, a lot of times the husband is disrespecting his in laws. And then the wife is being told that you have to show respect to my to my parents. It doesn't work like that Islam is a two way

street. It doesn't work like that we always receive in the province send him that he was the first one who showed love respect, and then this his wives would also social in love and respect. So this is something that we find in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW Selim, I ask Allah subhana wa Taala to keep our relationships healthy, strong, and with peace, ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to give us in this dunya and akhira honorable Alameen zakat Mala Hey salam ala canta libre katsu in

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