Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 15.08.2013

Edris Khamissa
AI: Summary © The importance of parenting is emphasized, as it is crucial for parents to empower their children to pursue their interests and create positive behavior. The speakers stress the need for parents to be open-minded and empower their children to create a home and atmosphere of love, as well as to provide opportunities for children to reflect and participate in social media. The importance of parenting and developing a family routine at a tender age is emphasized, along with the need for punishment and a common methodology for parenting. The conversation also touches on issues such as problems in relationships, anger and divorce, and the importance of finding one's own values.
AI: Transcript ©
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It's 11 minutes after 11 Welcome back to our Mezrich family Islam International. My guest during this hour is brother Idris camisa. And we'd like to give him a warm warm welcome on top program this morning, all the way from Durban Idris Western Amara Kumar rahmatullah wa barakato walaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. You know, maulana recently give me a warm warm welcome. Oh my gosh, did I feel good? I haven't vanilla, and I can feel the warmth coming through the airwaves, inshallah hamdulillah.

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Whatever it is whether or not hold your phone too close to your ears, you may get burned.

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Yeah. How are you keeping this morning? Honey? How are you keeping this morning, no laundry law just

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came from trying to convince a mother and not to ask for salad from our husbands. But you know, at the best you can use to try. And anyway, because one of the things I learned from that example, is this, that anyone for the master be the wife or the husband, if, if you can do something differently, if you can be the caring husband and wife be that and do not leave it and say to them when one of them decides you had enough of it, then you make promises that you're going to change with 15 years of your life you did nothing. It's very important that you know, we will look after our relationships that we look at each other with new eyes, we are forgiving with a woman understand

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the husband and his personality, understand the work he does in the community and supports him and similarly he supports his wife in every endeavor, that will react together even in their silences that can be elephants, when they are sitting alone. The proximity is enough for them to say to each other oh my gosh, I sit next to my loving spouse. And so this is the whole thing in this day and age. People are very very fragile. We need to look after each other and we make dua inshallah, that our homes you know the the passion the love, the connectivity is the killer inshallah. inshallah Ameen and make dua that Allah subhanho wa Taala softens their hearts and all those people who come

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to you for counseling and assistance, may Allah subhanaw taala soften their hearts, and May Allah subhanaw taala open their minds to accept the good advices that you pass on. And to all those people who go to all or an AMA and counselors, they absolutely I think it's important, please like this Mawlana a person says, you know, what? How is your husband feeling? is not well at all? Did you see a doctor? No, no, he'd been to five, six doctors, then you wonder maybe something wrong with the doctors, when you find out he says but he has not been taking any medication from those people. Now, you can go to 10 counselors or one counselor, whatever it is, if you are prepared and be receptive

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to advice, if you are prepared to rectify your shortcomings, if you are prepared to do those things, and you make an effort, a joint effort Alhamdulillah make a difference. Because in the end, I mean like monana I mean the umbrella, you know, when you're giving your frequent bar talks or when giving different lectures, and you find people that have listened to you for so many years. And the joy you get is the information that you shared leads to transformation, effective positive behavioral change, and then like then it might get a muscle even more elastic. You know, last year, he spoke about the same things here because I spoke about the same thing because I do see a change in any one

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of you. You know, so I think this The important thing, the critical thing is this, that, you know, none of us is no perfect. We all you know, fallible people, we make mistakes, you know, we you know, we are human beings. And it's very important for us to recognize our frailty and our humanity, you know, and that inshallah batches acula for a doula. I also make while whichever institutions, Islamic helpline, careline hopeline people olema and others that are trying to bring people together is really a very rewarding thing. When you see people that have been acrimonious people that have been pitted towards each other, begin to smile at each other. And suddenly the fall in love all

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again all over again.

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It is by besides this issue that you

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About what other counseling Have you been doing over this over this last week? Yeah, now and I'm the law have been exceptionally busy. One of the things I want to really speak about, and I've said this before, that, you know, when if she will couples have just married, and suddenly we find the couples become a strange, you know, they're not, they're not staying in each other's homes, then it is an incumbent responsibility on the part of the parents to do something about it, you know, to do something about it. And it's really critical for them to engage and confront the issues, and you got to be open about it. Even though she may be your daughter, she may be doing some things wrong, not

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necessarily flouting the Sharia, but perhaps in a manner in which he speaks to people. And if he's your son, perhaps he also requires some kind of advice. And it is so critical is so critical, because parents must understand this. And I've said it before, that even your son tells you about his marriage, what he is giving you is his interpretation is being accurate in his concern, but it is his perception. Similarly, what the doctor is doing, and you and I know, universally, the grass is greener, on the other side, we often think that perhaps you know, life would have been far more better meaningful, if I was with the other person or form as a noun. And that's the nature of life,

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the nature of life, is that the world is not, there's no agenda, there is going to be turbulence, you'll be tested. So that's a very critical thing, the role of parents. The other very important dimension is something that also is of grave concern to me is that we as parents must always promote excellence. We must never accept mediocrity from our children. We as Muslims were born to lead, we are not born to follow other people's blindly, yes, whenever these excellence in other courses, we need to embrace it, we need to be leaders. So when your children are at school, whatever they do, they are excellent in all aspects, they are excellent in the in terms of the academics, the

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excellence in their class, the excellence in terms of their more melodic solutions, they are fulfilling the obligations and doing things on time. So these are that the very important and the last point that I want to mention is this, that we have to be very, very guarded, that we must not create for our children, a bowl of fantasy, a place of opulence, where they, they feel that everyone else is asleep around them. A child growing up with that kind of ambience, that ethos or atmosphere, that child will never ever develop a work ethic, he would realize that my world is I'm in charge, and sometimes parents perpetuate this notion. So these are some of the things that you know I've

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been dealing with, and I'm very law like anything, there are solutions to it are Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam is is coming to solution is the embodiment of the Quran Alhamdulillah.

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In this way, when we speak about parenting, and when we speak about bringing up our kids with a positive attitude and bringing up our kids, with this understanding that you are talking about, what steps to parents have to take, and what are the things that they have to abstain from in the parenting methodology in order to achieve these results. I think there are many fundamentals. The one thing is parents must give children self belief. Sure, and parents should not protect kids from consequences of behavior. The other very important thing is this. We call it teach our children accountability. We also got to teach our children that if you want anything, you need to earn it.

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There is no reward without sacrifice. They need to develop this work ethic. They must also become self reliant. I really believe this, you know, especially today, that is a matter of how palatial your home is, no matter how many sermons you have, our children must make their own beds. Our children must clean up the table after they are finished agenda. Our children must make sure that they keep everything in its place. And they are organized to support the home and in these things, because this is indeed

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life skill. Another thing that parents must avoid is this, giving children lots of money, not giving them a budget, not making them understand what this world is more important what the market is. And these are some of the things that are fundamental. But an important aspect in all of this, the game must start as parents start having a conversation with our children. We our children can speak and share what's in their heart, they can engage us as parents, we can connect with him. And his parents must create a home and atmosphere of love, we need to hug our children, we need to create an atmosphere of respect of reciprocal respect. And we need to create an atmosphere at home, where ally

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is an integral part of the equation. And in front of us the beautiful, eloquent life on the beach llrc.

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Beautiful, beautiful words, the easiest way.

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from parents, I'd like to welcome you to the program and like to welcome you to our discussion concerning parenting and upcoming episodes. Please feel free to SMS if there are any issues that you would like to ask about. And make sure that you call into the program as well and join in on the discussion on on 18541548 or engineer prime Sha, is awaiting your call. We discussing parenting and issues concerning parents. What positive? What positive points have you implemented in your parenting style? And in your ways in order to make your parenting a success? Let us know speak to us and tell us all about it.

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It is by coming back to our discussion, parenting and the modern age. any different? Do we have to adapt parenting styles when it comes to the modern age compared to the kids of yesteryear? Or can appear and say that I'm going to adopt the same methods that migraine patients used?

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I say yes or no, they are some things that our parents did that were relevant at that time. We need to consolidate it. One of the things that our parents did, one person said quite nicely in giving our children what we did not have, we have forgotten to give them what we had. Our parents made sure that we respected authority, we respected our moms we respected the adults, and we respected everyone. And they never allowed any sibling to short this respect to each other. And these are fundamental qualities. And whether it was Muslim or non Muslim when you went out, they were you externalize conscious. But we are living at a time today. And this is what worries me. When uncle

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cannot reprimand which just ties in nephew or niece or nephew that needs nieces can speak to their uncles or aunts and in any way that they want. And that to me is a huge problem. And also remember this in our parents, one of the one of the abiding qualities of both my parents was the choice of my friends. And he insisted that the friends who choose was people of same values, people and friends that can support you.

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And I'm very like that's what they did.

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And what is important and significant is the fact that the whole idea of friendship is lacking today, right? But nowadays, the world is changing radically. Because we are living in a global society. In the early days of apartheid, we are cut off from the rest of the world, except those that have money to travel. And today we will discuss a media Television social network, that all the time our minds are being distracted and consumed by messages on Facebook, Twitter, and you are engaging all the time. And what happens in the process was there are some positives, you do not have an opportunity to reflect you'll have an opportunity to think about you know yourself and to think

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about what you want from life because each time is responding and responses and that is something that is of grave concern. Right? And therefore you find that

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our children today that when they even go out I mean at one time, if someone wanted to do commit a sin, it took a lot of efforts to do that organization, working with his friends, whatever it is. Today's film is accessible 24 hours a day. 24 hours a day.

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Husband and wife can be sitting together in

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lounge, each one busy, but what are they busy with, they may be communicating with people that, you know could be involved with cyber * could be involved in any number of things. So, so it's very important for me, for the most critical things is, how we can be aligned to the creation, and how we can create consciences young people, where they have a deep, deep and profound love for the deen of Islam, where an act of goodness is so powerful to them, that no matter what things are said, using the hearts and minds come nowhere near performing that act of goodness, and that's important. So I would recommend the parents need to understand the experience of work of the children. It's very

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critical, they need to do that. Right. And so these are some of the things that show children has just continued seven minutes after 11 you're listening to our Master comradio Islam International, and inshallah we are going to be taking a short break now and welcome in welcoming our listeners to SMS 07317384610731738461. Stay tuned on Verizon International.

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Allah Allah subhanho wa Taala

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comprising the virtues of Vicar

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various beautiful Vicar recitations, the 42 rules per day of judgment one day only for an which will argue with me forever recites a lot on me one inshallah Allah recites Allah danglies to your heart's content in

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the garden of remembrance, because of those who remember a lot

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media boys

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Welcome back to American lady Islam International. We are discussing parenting with our guest this morning, please camisa It is very nice. I received an SMS from a listener Salaam Alaikum. For the past 15 years my brother and his wife are always pulling up their faces with my mother was 76 years old. Tired of the childish attitude polite conversation is not the forte. My mom takes care of the kids yet. These are things that teach our kids of love, respect, gratitude, so that they are good at us.

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Which is very rare.

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Okay, I can't hear it is where I'm at the side of the night. I'm going to try and

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Get Idris buy back on the line in the middle read out the SMS again, these basic character traits of sugar for the nehama, a bounty of Allah subhanaw taala things for a good act, an act of kindness that somebody does to you is a basic thing that we need to teach our children, it's something that we have to teach our children from a young age, because children tend to forget, and they tend to overlook the great value of a mother and the great contribution that the mother actually makes to the upbringing and to the lives. And so children normally would ignore mothers, and they would even go to the extent of being abusive, and also, May is sometimes just ignoring what the mothers have

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done for them or just ignoring the mothers totally. So, you have to keep on reminding the children what the value of the mothers and I think it says for the father's responsibility to be able to inculcate that within the children that is very important. And if if as one parent is the father shows respect to the mother, then the mother would then the children automatically show respect in Shama, Aziz, do we have Idris by back on the mind? It is Why are you back with us? do that? I mean, that SMS? You know, what, let me tell you, this has become endemic in our community, that men have become so in escalated, they know more the armies of the house, they sometimes allow their wives to

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dictate to them in terms of what the relationship with the mother should be. In fact, I know of situations with some boys, young men who love their mother so much, used to reprimands purely because the singer now to the eyes of the eyes, and not the innocent eyes, you know.

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It's very, it's very, very sad, very, very sad. And the thing that is, for me, it's very important is this.

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Sunday does this to his mother, I can assure you in most in most cases, it is done under duress. It is because of coercion. And I don't think any reasonable human being right would would adopt this kind of malicious, insensitive attitude. And you and I know that we are reminded about all of our mothers or parents that gender is beneath their feet, that Gemini need the feet of the wifey, but we need the feet of the mother. And we need to understand that. And, and really, if there are people out there, in fact, a for me, a good wife is a person that would really tell the husband, did you follow mommy today? Did you visit her today? You know what I'm saying? But today, when women when

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wives are the husband, did you visit mommy today? You know, they don't ask because they want to, they often ask because they upset Oh, you want to see mommy behind my back? In fact, the reality is, if your wife was not harsh towards you regarding that, then you tell her No.

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And daily ALLAH forgive those woman who have been doing that rarely. It is so sad. Their narrowness and selfishness to some people. Yes, we know, sometimes our mothers can be wrong as another matter. But nowhere in the Quran, we are told that we can catch up our child with our parents. Right? And especially if they're not if they allow us to fulfill our Islamic obligations, you know? Yes, it is very, we have a caller on the line. Let's take the corner salamati Kumara.

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Polycom, salam,

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to ask a quick advice. I've got two kids, whenever my son is eight, and my daughter is six, what I want to ask is, you know, at this age, it's very difficult, even they are naughty to give up, but have you punish them? And with my kids, they don't have really any attachment to material things to say, can you take the PSP away or not, and let it ride the bicycle. Because if I do that to my son, you know, after five minutes, he doesn't really care about it, you know, he doesn't really matter to him. So what I wanted to ask you, at this age, really do need to get punished in schepens. Now in then, what would be suitable is to give them a timeout, or you just sit down and explain to them and

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talk to them at this age with what they're able to understand and comprehend. What's the best way to sort of, you know, teach them that you've done something wrong, you should have done it this way. You shouldn't have done this. So, you know, how do you go about give me a passion because at this age, you don't give him a hiding as such, because now they're getting too big. And I noticed with my son, even though he's eight, he speaks like he swells. His maturity level is much more higher. Now. I don't know if it's because of school and madressa you know, the friends, but they're not like babies.

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So I just want a bit of insight isn't when we do need to give a punishment, what is the best sort of way to go about it? or What should we do?

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It can you hold on? Okay. I'll be engaged sister. She said tell me.

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Do you and your husband right? Do you have the same parenting style with the children? Not a lot. I basically have my own style values at work. And when he comes home from work, yes, you say

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that, to me, one of the most critical issues that create a situation one of the four reasons cited in the race for the divorces in the father and mother have a divergent philosophy how to bring up the child

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can manipulate adults she must understand your your husband is not at home the whole day. Right? So in this case, when he comes home, we don't do anything negative about the children. I know it is something that I know what happens. They are much Creek,

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our sisters, more than disciplinarians. Sometimes they go overboard, and other husbands or sometimes they indulgent one, they also go overboard.

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What is critical is that you as a husband must decide what you want, right? And you must go with the United face to the children, you must sit down with your kids and say, listen, mommy and daddy love you. And do you have your children every day? No, that's what we do. And that has been our mission. Also, they were both very loving very interest to them.

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But like you say, you know, the thing is now we know as mothers at home, we we budget the whole day. And when you have more than one child, it becomes a bit more difficult. You know, what I tried to do is finish all the homework was like hard things before the family gets home. Jacob is really just you know, quality time. And okay. I also very selective it eliminate has done something naughty what I can

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disappoint you see, the kids know that they are aware of it number one right here. The second thing that I would suggest you very, very strongly is this, you must go to the UI you in your admin must have a private chat and go to the kids and tell them we love you. But mommy and daddy are concerned about the following things right? Now, then you ask them, okay, fine. If you have to do this thing again, what should mommy and daddy do? Now they themselves will know what are some of the privileges and they enjoy their rights. Very importantly, right? But the critical thing is, if you decide for a week, or a few days, a few hours, you want this to happen, you got to make sure it happens. Because

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the big mistake is when you protect the kids from consequence accountability, then there is a problem. So my understanding very quickly, without engaging you as much as I would like to is that you and your husband need to have a common methodology bringing up the kids. Right. Okay. And then one other last thing I could just ask, I don't know, you know, it's becoming a bit of an issue with us. You know, what our kids now basically, you know, we say they pick them as being their own room. Now, we're having a problem where you know, it's cool, and you want to share our bedroom. And now the sleeping situation of them getting to bed on time. At this age ages and sixes I know, girls and

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boys should be in separate beds. But how is it? You know, just to make it easier? How do we get him to bed on time and early? Because they want to play around and they want to sleep in our bed? You know, Is it fine for them to sleep in our room? Or should they be in their own room? You know, we we tried to sort of give them the independence and say they must be on their own. But then you know, your heart says, Oh, no, it's okay. You want him to sleep in your room when he goes by? What is the right thing to do? Should they be their own rooms?

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, there should be no room but you see what you need to do. And my other suggestion is, I think you and your husband need to develop a family routine, right? Hit your chin, I think they You said your child has an understanding of a 12 year old where they become an integral part of the routine. Routine should include things like what time you go to bed, and what can we get up and what you're going to do when we get up you know, all of those things. Yeah, these are these are important issues, right. And then initially, they might be reluctance but don't be afraid to cry the cry for a while, but you go to the room and to make sure they fall off to sleep. Right. And and

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and you do it as because it's very important. We all teach some habit we need to inculcate these sound habits at a very tender age. So it becomes an integral part of their life. Because you got to understand that the Islamic methodology of parenting is the first seven years is bonding. from seven to 14 you start learning after 14 become the self confidence. I think you just sit down and do the initial

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phase of production. Okay.

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I've got about four or five smss. So you have to briefly go through the responses to each of them. Let me start with the first one a Salaam Alaikum. I'd like to know how can I as a parent living in my separate pet quarters

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My emails in front each and reprimands my child right and wrong for what I regard is rude and raw. And they do not without confusing My child, and children for the program. So there's conflict

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shooting here, the one thing that needs to be done very importantly, sometimes, you know, grandparents when they were parents, you know, they're pretty harsh in the day, some of them, but what has happened now many of them become very, very soft and indulgent. Right? And and what happens is this, I think the the, the husband needs to go to them and explain to the kids No, papa, you know, in a nice way without being confrontational. He said No way, when they when mom comes there, Papa, we would like him to do the following things, make sure you help us with the signal that they're talking that way right? Now, if, for example, there's some sensitivity regarding this, you

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need to talk to your chin and say, Listen, I know Popeye allows you to do this, because he loves you. But you know that downs side to it is the following. And you know why we're trying to do what we are trying to do, because kids are very, very receptive also. But it's very, very important that you do not support them in things that are not proper you.

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It is by the second SMS that you've received. Yes, Annamalai come

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along, as soon as I tried my best looking after my son's doing everything for them, doing everything with them all happy as we all had such a good relationship till the one got married. My son is ruled by his wife and his cut out of that as out of his life completely, except for a visit every every two weeks. I feel that I have failed hopelessly and can't comprehend why this four year standard like this, I only make Salaam to my son when I see him because I am heartbroken at how he treats me. And that's because of his wife. Yes, you know, that's a problem, right? One of the critical aspects is that you what has not been done is out of your control.

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If your son is happily married Enigma offering Alhamdulillah and he'll come around inshallah, and I think it's important that he needs to be spoken to with love, because I know the many sons who feel under tremendous pressure from the wife and as a result, they did not respond as they should. If your son is happily married, they love supporting us, you know, limited.

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Okay, like

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another SMS here, Salaam Alaikum. I am a female, early 20s and unmarried due to fear of marriage. After witnessing the many difficulties, problems and divorces in our community. It turns out many marital prospects due to this fear, please advise shukran

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No, no, there must be no fear. I'm a Doctor of love, right and I got my sheesham babina right next to me, what is important is this, that you got to take every precaution you got to do secara. Very importantly, and I would say that the olema must make premarital counseling mandatory, in which the boy and girl are present. And also present is the perspective.

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In law, they're all present over there. And they look at issues and then a whole range of things that he institutional, medical, nobody solution.

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Even people watching here who are devoted to each other, who are prepared to forgive and prepare to work at the relationship. Alhamdulillah

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is the most beautiful institution and institution in our beautiful making your garments and to each other. The kind of protection the support the love the century is something unbelievable. When you look at In fact, I I venture to say this, and this is anecdotal, far as I'm concerned, right, that he does couples that separated, I don't believe they may be a small percentage. They did everything humanly possible to resolve the issues. And if you have done everything humanly possible to resolve, it doesn't work. There's another method, I really believe over 90% of the marriages that have ended up in divorce, if they had the right intention, the nobility of thought they could have been

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together and of course, you know what, in life Relationships are challenging is not easy, because you are marrying someone from a diverse background from yours, his values, his attitudes, the things that he loves, he is a different from you, and we are creatures of habit. So if you are prepared to endure the first three is a time of adjustment inshallah. inshallah you'll find happiness, right. Like, there's one person I know is so happy. His name is Mona Jin hsrc

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I mean I mean I mean

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that's so good to hear it is why

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we have another SMS Islam alikum for the program much needed yeah it is by just before we go on to the SMS I think if people just can just listen to our program and listen to the love you know program and happiness, I think this alone can can can bring a smile on their face inshallah. inshallah. inshallah, you know, I say to people, they are some of us in any, you know, they're always negative, no matter what the husband does, they they say, No, he didn't need to do this. Or I'm sure someone forced him to buy the flowers for me, you know, did not recognize these things, man. He thought it to be loving Allah loves human Allah loves you, you know, you can, you know, how

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many of us regret afterwards, you know, I could have been more loving to my wife, I could have been more caring to her, or vice versa. And I did not do that. And now she's gone. Oh, how am I missing? Oh, I love that. And many people have those regrets and you're right, you know, it's about love or monana it's about love, affection, respect, is about character, trust and knowledge and inshallah we can do it inshallah. inshallah. We're gonna take a short break and we'll come back just after that, with our program in the secure SMS that we still have leftover. Stay tuned to our metric on radio, Islam international law.

00:36:24 --> 00:36:53

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radio Islam media boy

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welcome back to my second radio Islam International. Just a message from a caller who said that people should listen to the radio standout drama series available on podcast on our website and they would take great lessons from that in Shannon as it is wherever you are, you're with us.

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Our hours is truly a Montana I will not judge you and leave you I really

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do think I've got a few more SMS Islam alikum

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for Jazakallah for a program much needed I have been divorced for five years and my son's father was not part of his life having been overseas in other places he gets sometimes very angry and screams at us meaning the boy his father is now back in picks him up regularly What do I need to read? And what do I need to do to change this please he's 10 years old. I think the firstly I think you know your your there are many things you can read the

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one thing that people recommend you to read several times, Rambo blow on them. But what the important thing is this, he's quite clear. He's got a lot of emotions, you know. And so I think it's very important for him to talk about it right. And I'm not too sure whether he is the the father is expressive about his love and affection in each of them demonstrate that and I'm not too sure what was the nature of this friendship, whether it was one of bitterness and anger and there was violence involved and

00:40:00 --> 00:40:43

If children becomes the, you know, experience that, then they because of the naivety, they don't quite understand. I'm not saying it's acceptable behavior, but it can be very traumatic for them they feel cheated. And they always ask why was a born there in that home. And secondly is age of a difficult ages, teens and preteens is an age of turbulence that can become very, very defined. And my heart also goes out to the mother, because one of the challenges today is for mothers or single parents to bring up children. And there are many advices that can be given to them. But perhaps we'll do a full programme on that. And it's important for them to engage a may figure, an uncle or a

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brother or whatever, who can play that role. And I think it's important that the mother and father did not use the boy as a ball, that they are consistent in the way they bring up the child sometimes what can happen, the mother otterville love is concerned she might be she might be a little more

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direct in disciplinary measures and more outspoken regarding that. And the father may not think the result, the child thinks in his mind, why can't mommy be like Daddy, but the child is a certain age we can also understand for someone needs to also reason why they don't give up on him. And inshallah i think is a phase that is going through, but is important that he able to talk about it, he must speak about it, otherwise you carry this burden the

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rest of his life. Yes, it is a another SMS Islam, Allah kumana. My thought is of marriageable age, she wants to know, how do you know if the person you choose is the correct one? I don't know how to answer her, she has witnessed many abusive situations in her immediate family children. Okay, what she can do is to if they can email me, and the listeners can also email me, I have 100 questions, you need to ask the other person or find out by the other foot before you marry. Now these 100 questions are about things like his temperament. What is your for example, if in a home person does not have a good relationship with his father and mother, then I don't you get married to that

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individual, you will have a problem there, then it is issues of anger is temporary men do not get married there. If the family itself as a shady reputation, you're not married at all. If for example, there is instability in the family, forget it. What are the values in your family? What are the approaches? I mean, do they have an Islamic ethos? And you know, the brothers those that are married already? What kind of husbands are there? So there are many, many things that you need to find out. You need to find out why the person wants to marry you, or what you see as your role as a wife. What does he see new as the role he wants to play? What are his ambitions as a Muslim? And so

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he is involved in the community and many things. I'm not saying this is foolproof, but your father probably asked you this question will bring you to a situation purely because you love someone because love itself is never enough, never compelling enough to sustain a marital relationship.

00:43:17 --> 00:43:17


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There's a whole host of smss that we had on the law. And it is my final words looking at all of these SMS is just to give you a brief summary of them all. One is conflict in parenting methods between the daughter a mother back in the in laws in the front. Second one is the mother being very disappointed that her son abandoned her after getting married. Third one is a young girl who's afraid of getting married because of the problems she's seen in others other people's marriages. The first one was a young boy who was disruptive and unruly because of his parents divorce. The fifth one was, oh yes, it is a this is a positive one. And I forgot to read this one out to you. As an

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American, my husband and I had a lot of problems. I really wanted to walk out, but through the help of Allah and Antilles, they are more than in love, please divorce is not the solution. There is always hope says I can laugh at being so much of joy to meet you so emotional, and they must speak to others and that to their conductivity then me coming to the SMS as much is very important is this, that parents must realize that your relationship is so parenting It is said is not so much your relationship with your child but your relationship with each other. If you want to create a stable child, you've got to make sure your relationship is stable, where you speak to each other

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with love. The next important thing is this, that you know do not allow the negativity of other people in fact on your own image about marriage marriages is huge.

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is a noble institution is an institution that transcends time and a whole range of things. I think it's important, firstly, to develop yourself to be psychologically mentally spiritually prepared for marriage. And then you're ready to make the right kind of soft choices. And you go for premarital counseling, right. The other thing is fundamental, that you know, grandparents play a very critical role. There are many, many positive of them, but one downside sometimes they can compromise on the discipline measures that you want to adopt. So one has to be very, very comprehensive. And my final point that I want to make is that we are fragile human being just the other day yesterday, I went to

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the hospital and saw so many people that I knew and really it's so humbling it makes you realize your own mortality and frailty and misfire forget May Allah give fishy part to most of my Patel

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and also share calm check to bear Africa, Allah gamesense and give she find anyone that is going through any problem financial, emotional, psychological, spiritual, remember a no allies a fair way and, and also to those people over challenges in your marriages. Remember the smarts of life, it goes the territory and you've got to do whatever it takes to make it work. DO what is pleasing to Allah, not what is pleasing to you. I mean, I mean, I mean, it is when she comes Zealand for your time must be handled as reward you for all of your counseling and all of the advices you've given us and inshallah we'll speak to you next week Thursday. inshallah. Allah bless you look up to you. And

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as salaam aleikum wa Alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakato because it is camisa speaking to us out of Durban this morning, shukran Zeeland to you for listening and for all of your interaction SMS is in calls. Allah Subhana Allah reward you and Allah Subhana Allah, grant us all bliss and happiness and fill our lives with Baraka and Hale, in everything that we do and in every part of our lives, Allah subhanaw taala make all our children the coolness of our eyes and all parents are able and committed to fulfilling the rights of the children. I mean, Yoruba alameen, amended before to Africans is even to my studio operator this morning, Brian sharp from Geneva Cyprus Rama alikum warahmatu Allahi wa

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