Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 15.05.2014

Edris Khamissa
AI: Summary © The radio Islam international host discusses issues with respect for couples, including lack of respect for women and problems with respect for men. They emphasize the importance of addressing these issues in a positive way, including acknowledging the need for men to have a sense of independence and not giving negative reactions to women. The speakers also emphasize the need for men to have a sense of independence and not give negative reactions to women, and emphasize the importance of providing education for young people and finding a suitable home for young people. They also discuss the importance of respect for parents and young people, including counseling for relationships and art of public speaking.
AI: Transcript ©
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It's just continue on 11 so don't worry Kumara Metro la hora de la masa Hello Mr. haben Welcome to our radio Islam international and a very warm welcome to our guests whom we are speaking to after a very long time. It is camisa salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. walakum salam wa Salama Rahmatullah, aka my Bella Milena. How are you? Very well. hamdulillah sugar My beloved Idris by how are you?

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Mashallah. Yeah, it is a the love is reciprocal. And we should all not feel free to ever say I love you. Absolutely. And I hope at least from our example, the spouses will tell each other then go on to Darling, I love you. I hope they don't die of shock, you know?

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Yeah. You know, like the example that you give in your workshops that the wife says, Is there something wrong? What is it now? Have you smashed the car game?

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That's true. That's true. How are you keeping it this way? I anila. Very well. monona. How are you doing? Very well, from the massacre. It's been a very long time since we've spoken. And there's a lot of catching up that you have to do. The lots of calcium just finished a program. Yeah, with the sisters in Durban. I did this talk 20 steps in on parenting. And umbrella. You know, it's very deceptive. And umbrella, you know. So I just finished off with that. And so it's going great in and hungry MasterChef. That's good.

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catching up on your social cases that you've been working on, and that you have been through some lessons for us?

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Yes, Tina, maulana the what is very, very, for me, a very grave concern, again, is that the people have lost the respect for the sake of the institution of marriage, you know. And, and, and parents are not playing the part in really getting the couples together. Because it's your daughter, your take aside or it's your son, your thicker side is about taking sides is about looking at the institution of marriage, and seeing how best we can work on that. So that is one issue that is become very, very common. And, and again, as I always said, that we should make premarital counseling mandatory, you know, that people need to go for this. And it's important that they

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understand what's expected for them, because many of them do not have realistic expectations, you know. So I think that's the area that is of concern. The second thing that I am dealing with, and it's also of a very great concern, is

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the whole issue of parenting, I find that, you know,

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that couples themselves, having difficulty bringing up children, they don't seem to understand them, there's no empathy. And secondly, on the part of children themselves, they've got little or no respect for their own parents. So this is the second issue.

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The third issue also has become very common, I don't know what is what it is, you know, on the, from the perspective of men, that when these a medical issue, they don't want to go there go for counseling, they say no, nothing wrong with me, or I'm not mad or whatever is some of the math is not my madness, you know, it's about you need a Senate, you need some kind of sanity to prevail. You need to have someone who understands the dynamics of marriage and to help people to reconcile and understand. So the end goal, marriage is a partnership, you know, you cannot be passive, and expect things to happen. So that, to me is a very, this has been an issue I've been dealing with for a

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very, very long time. And it's difficult to advise the woman alone except to give her some coping skills and how sometimes she must become thick skin as it were, and continue to do what is right, and pray that the husband comes around. And so this is the third issue. That is quite problematic, right. The fourth issue that I want to speak about

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is the fact that you know, if you look at us in this country, you look at us as Muslims, I think, you know, we need to understand, and we did speak about in passing the other day, we should look at that our young people must understand and that we are growing up in a rural society that we need to impact on the lives of other people. We need to do things that are right. And, and it's really, really critical. I mean, the the whole issue I think we had the Muslim community must stand up in the speaker.

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What's happening in Nigeria? You know, although I know it's a quite a complex conundrum, but the the kind of things that they are saying about about Islam, and Boko Haram is really, to me, it's a group, you know, that

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we need to openly critically chastise, you know, and see quite clearly is not part of Islam because they are those individuals who are not necessarily anti muslim. This can really, you know, make them rethink their perspective on Islam. And then they are those who are having sama phobia that they can use this for mileage in terms of the antipathy towards slamming.

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Okay, so these are fuel Platinum issues. It's just gone 26 minutes after 11am going to welcome our listeners to SMS on 0731738461. And you can call us on a 1185415 point Miss to the operator today is Muhammad Bilal

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was awaiting your calls, you're most welcome to participate in the discussion. It is my

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respect for the sanctity of marriage Respect for Marriage in itself. And for the Institute of marriage. The reasons if you have been through so many counseling sessions, perhaps some reasons that you are finding common traits why respect is, is not being afforded to manage as it is supposed to be? You said there is multifactorial. The One reason is

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that when you look at your marital relationship, and if you say that my husband is completely wrong, and I'm completely correct, I have an issue with it. Because it often takes two people, yes, someone is a perpetrator, the other is a victim. There's one issue. The other issue is the inability to talk about our challenges or inability to talk about the issues that are impacting on the marriage, to have a reasonable conversation without it becoming into an argument. The third thing is that I think sometimes young people especially have unreasonable expectations of marriage, they have a singular,

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you know, pure, romantic notion about marriage. And that's the third, the fourth issue is also I think what is becoming a recurring theme, which are many omitted to mention early on, is the the role of both adoption laws and mothers in law, that seems to be an on ongoing issue. And you know, and sometimes some men

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have a inadequate understanding of Islam, yes, in agenda lies beneath the feet of the mother, but to allow your mother to run roughshod over your your wife, or destiny, that's unacceptable, you know, she must, she ought to have the maturity, to treat them with dignity and understand that the young girls are going to make mistakes. So, so then that is another issue. And of course, the other issue is,

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when sometimes, because of economic constraints, people are forced many often to, you know, get into credit, get into unnecessary stress, and purely to lead a life that's outside the financial reach. And therefore they get into

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getting into accounts and always so it's a lot of factors there. And I think, you know, the only the last, the most important The bottom line is, I think we have forgotten that we are mortal beings, we have forgotten that, you know, we're going to die. And as a result, we are concerned so much about the the heavenly earthly joy on this earth, you know,

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this has been reminds me of a Hades in even a matter that we studied while we were in madrasa.

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And this hadith mentions that the most important covenant or agreement that you have to live up to is the agreements that you have made to your wife, or the promises that you have made to your wife before marriage. And,

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and the reason for this hadith is that because we have taken our wives, as husbands, we have taken them and we have made an agreement with them, they have given up certain of the rights of the privileges, and they have sacrificed in order to fulfill pay sight of the covenant of nica. And so, it is the husband's responsibility also to fulfill his side of it and this is something that we have forgotten and we fail to realize, and it is, it is maybe it is this glorified or this

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romanticized image of marriage or this idea of marriage that we have fallen for forgetting what marriage is essentially about

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a very powerful reminder and statement. And if we understand the true nature of it, I remember my friendship barber mentioned is the Quran, they say that when when the marriage takes place ally is a witness to that marriage. And once allies everywhere we understand that play such a powerful statement. And I think we understand the nature of the continent, the nature of the agreement, truly understand, truly there is, therefore you don't understanding is the one thing but truly understand, I think it must impact positively on your behavior. And

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therefore, I mean, I find it very hard to understand why spouses In fact, it's also

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I know, some systems are telling me, you're getting more and more cases where husbands are complaining that their spouses or their wives are in or bashing them up, you know, you may have learned karate Samia, what I don't know. But the point is, is that

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if he truly understood the nature, I think all of us would be far more moderate and far more circumspect in our behavior, and will show a lot more love and affection. You know,

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this issue of spousal abuse the other way around also is a major, a major problem a woman abusing the husbands in

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Nigeria, we have heard about it recently, as well, huge problem, but basically it is by how do we z inculcate this respect for manage?

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I think,

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in many ways, the most important thing is about the upbringing, the most important thing

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is about the value they espouse at home, because kids really are a miniature

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reflection of the home as I grew up older, they would either embrace the worst or the best of their own parents. And I think that is

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quite fundamental, is very, very important. Secondly, I think, you know, parents instead of them enjoying that, which is good and formula is wrong. Sometimes some parents either consciously or unwittingly, really creating a problem in the marriage themselves. The third thing is this is something that I feel strongly about, I mentioned it so often, is that we need to really, you know, ensure that these are proper education for young people, they need to go through a cause they need to go through premarital counseling, the respective them in laws need to also be part of the process. So these key expectations on the part of all parties that can either cause

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friction or they themselves can create happiness at home. So they those things need to be done. And again, also an under the olema dream, where there's an opportunity these issues need to be discussed. And also I think, you know, the bottom line is they said we are growing at a time of instant gratification, and there's so much of impatience so much impatience

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regarding that, you know,

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it's just a it's just continue six minutes before 12 we need to take a short break for some errands now, and inshallah we'll come back we'll go on to the second topic that you were mentioning respect for parents, and we'll be speaking about that in some houses. childlessness. Please SMS any questions that you may have 20731738461 Stay tuned to our master secondary slam international became a price drop is back 1 million vouchers to be found. Check your salsa smart shoppers only ramen original margarine brick 500 grains buy one for 20 rain and the second one for only 10 rain clover fresh milk assorted julija Feeny one way we can pay wash potatoes two Kg 15 wins we can pay 100%

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23 minutes before 12 Welcome back to our Mr. Carnegie slump. So my name is Jude hsrp. And you're listening to my guest Idris camisa. We speaking about a few things. Respect for Marriage was our first topic and now we're going on to respect for parents it is by Welcome back.

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Yes, on the aspect of respect for parents, it is by you've had some experiences with people who who have forgotten about us.

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No mana by the Maulana as this got 10 minutes to do I will complete my program. Yeah. Okay. Mona, what has happened is

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when the wife showed respect to the husband,

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is unlikely for children to show respect, right? Now, what is worse?

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When, in our days, when we did anything wrong, it was done either in the cloak of darkness, or away from people. But today, these almost a defiance that the fellas can see nothing and do nothing. And then some parents are just resigning themselves, what can we do? This the time we are living

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these a lot of that disrespect. I mean, in terms of choice of

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partners in marriage, the parents have no say nothing.

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It also in terms of discipline, parents cannot discipline the kids. Sometimes because either the party the father or the mother is overly indulgent, and doesn't want that discipline to take place.

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And, And fourthly, the whole issue of young people showing respect to nobody, you know, the the lack of social ethic, we have lost it, we I don't have manners, and, and the whole of the many things that we do. And, and it's a reminder, you know, just speaking to the appearance, he has said to them,

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as you're growing up,

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sometimes we think that our parents are being unreasonable. But when we do the presentation, when after they pass away, what they have said suddenly becomes like pearls of wisdom, you know,

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it's very, very important that we understand that you know, so this is the nature of things. So the the issue of respect, is thrown out of the window, and the end and etc, is evident. And

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some parents are embarrassed about you, some men are in escalated, and they cannot even assert themselves.

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it is by the other issue since we have just a few minutes left the men not wanting to go for counseling and he has a point that you made that people feel that a good golfer constitutes a sign that I'm mentally disturbed or something like that. The importance of going for counseling, what does counseling actually mean? You know what Mawlana I find

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a lambda light thank Allah and Allah bless Tamika plank, Caroline and everyone else that is doing the work that I found and Allah knows best from my hive. The vast majority people have come to me Alhamdulillah they're together.

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Right counseling is an opportunity, where you hear a third voice, whose objective who wants to look at the nature of the issues the underlying issues in the marriage and is prepared to help. And sometimes you may not realize it, that sometimes you think you have a full understanding of your own relationship or marriage project through discussion through questing, and what Nigeria is, my gosh, the person is light. And also you begin to look at each other on a much more favorable light. And that is fundamental. And, and counseling is not about putting a lesser plaster day there is, is really helping people to forgive, and rekindle the passion and love, and you take the relationship

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to another level. And that, to me, is fundamental, you know,

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this, this counseling that we go for, people would look at it as a threat upon the marriage and look at it as a threat upon their own dignity or status, but it is not so. And counseling can be beneficial, it can be hugely

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progressive for the marriage also in with the marriage will grow a lot. By Absolutely, I wonder what you saw, right? Is that I think, you know, I, I don't think counselors betrayed the confidence of the people that counseling or speak about it and say, you know, I went to so and so person came to me today, and they've had a big problem and whatnot, you know, I don't think people will do that. If you do that the burqa will go out of

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right. And it's an opportunity. And in fact, even people who are psychologists themselves also need to go for counseling themselves, to offload because revealing is a healing. So that is that critical. And it's an opportunity to really take your relationship to another level. Otherwise, you can take each other for granted, you know,

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and about young people, and you're speaking about the plural society

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that we are living in and for us to understand our responsibility towards the greater society as well. important points there. It's very, very important. I mean, you find

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that if you look at our universities, wherever we go, I mean, there is a notion that we have what you call a ghetto mentality, you know, yes, they will serve as Muslims, they gravitate towards each other. But you got to make sure that we engaging you know, we engage others, the people get to know about the deen of Islam, and they must see us as self absorbed, inshallah a no exclusive group. And I think it's important, especially with the global media, that we need to project what true Islam is all about. And we know that the Sahaba it was to the conduct, that people embraced Islam, it wasn't through the lengthy speeches was about through the conduct of the manner, the disposition, how they

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related to people, and people got to know what Islam is all about. Nothing is important, especially men throughout the world, where people look at Muslims or suspicion that Allah forbid that we in this country, we also seen with the same kind of lens, or painted the same brush, and I think we must say it's a wake up call, and also in terms of at home, our relationship with our servants, to an extent we treat them with dignity and all that, you know.

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Okay, thanks for your time this morning. And before I finished my Can I just say a few, my advices or just a few, okay, this Tuesday Alhamdulillah at the LMA Hall from nine to half past 12 being a program on relationships, and people could register the door at half past eight, this LMA, Hall this Tuesday, then on Friday night as the

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this may Addabbo, Hall Bohol in benoni, and being a program and then this weekend, on the 24th of May we are doing a program is called I just have one life is only for the sisters and on Sundays for the sisters and the brothers. Whoever wants to know more about it, they can contact me or

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they can either contact me inshallah and we look forward to in any shall on Thursday. Reconnect I'm doing a free program and that alone for the day and for the students on the art of public speaking shala Okay, so back when I was hidden, it is pay for your time and

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there was a police officer speaking to us this morning she can just even for your time, as well today and she confessed to the operator Brother Mohammed below from Geneva sat under my silica Santa Monica rahmatullah wa barakato.

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