Contemporary Challenges in Parenting

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Ebrahim Bham

Channel: Ebrahim Bham

Topics: Parenting

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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And hungria

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Alhamdulillah Allah,

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Allah

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was salat wa salam O Allah say Gambia even more serene, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa seldom at the Sleeman

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kathira mavado

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Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem

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fossa Kumar Li canara Sarah Hello,

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my dear respected elders and brothers.

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The one of the greatest joys in this world is the joy of children.

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To have children is one of the greatest joys of this world to have

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those people who are our sons and our daughters growing up in front of us, and we are national and our dynamic on our children the coolness of our eyes inshallah.

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inshallah Allah wa sallam used to say with regard to children, they are the flowers of Allah, Allah Subhana Allah and there is no doubt that it is them and those who do not have children, Allah subhanho wa Taala fill their houses with children also in Sharla.

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And together with them being the great joy they are also a great responsibility now via Karim savasana met tremendous love for his children and his grandchildren. And allow Thomas one Hadith I never saw anyone or a hammer. Be Ali he made Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam I never saw anyone more loving to his families in Libya Kareem Salah haleiwa salam, O Allah Allah tala Kenya moto messageboard Marina mata hamara Nabina Allah, Allah cave, full Chi lake and Nima Casazza

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together with a joy that they bring their great responsibility Allah has placed a very great responsibility upon parents with regard to fulfilling the rights of the upbringing of the children. And yes, there is also the rights of the parents upon the children and one day we will make mention of it. But today we are talking about the responsibility of parents towards the children. That is why when we find that the Ambien was Salatu was Salam whenever they made.

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You will see Allah has mentioned it in the Holy Quran. They made to are not only for children, they made to our four pious children

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as a primary Salatu was salam wa is in the 23rd so part of the Quran Robbie hubballi mina Salim Allah give me Sally. He didn't say only give me Allah He didn't say only give me children cola give me Sally. Give me a right here children,

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has said Zachary

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Dwyer is mentioned in the third use of the Holy Quran. Probably will lead him to return to UVA. Allah grant me from your site do return. Not only do Ria, he didn't say only give your children the honor give me a tape and pure children. Emilio Salatu was Salam Miss Nasir or Larkin yet Joachim lekan, Nicola kadowaki. And this is something that we have to keep in mind. And now, pious children don't just come like that they are not born pious. Children are not born pious. Children are not born right? Yes.

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You have to make dua you have to put into play strategies to be able to make them pious.

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They don't just become pious like a quick 101 a panco. Better than a water no one does get good becomes a valley and he is born like that. So children are not born. right yes or pious. There has to be an effort made from the parents to be able to give them values and righteousness. But chip theodicy torpor Mata Ki or Nick neotel, on Connect banana Kalia to do jihad koshish or turkey appnana fertile. Now in this particular regard, one of the greatest responsibilities upon parents with regard to children and that is a Muslim responsibility is to preserve the human.

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The greatest responsibility of Muslim parents is to preserve the image of each other, especially in this day and age of doubt, and skepticism, and so many different fitness that come from different quarters. The greatest responsibility upon parents is to preserve the amount of children you know, and what how can I give you a better example than what Allah has made mentioned in in the first part

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The Quran

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salatu salam, I'm condoning Shahada it Hydra jacoba mode. This is the way Allah Allah mentions in many places Allah tala speaks about this in the Holy Quran, a way you present when jacobellis salat wa salam was dying when you present

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and this is the situation where you present subsidiaries in Medellin Medallia care but choke a monkey he has a current. Now look at this. He is a nephew of Allah.

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Allah Quran makes mention of this method of really telling us something Yeah, a positive tip jacoba Serato Salam appname magnetic curry, genuine ta whose work told me Chaka Chaka What did he tell his children? He's a color liban he Mata abou Unum embody a mehrabad kiski Baraka Who will you worship after me? Now if sometimes I think y'all know Do we ever give thought to this? Who is your company salatu salam, his father was exactly salat wa salam. His grandfather was the Prime Minister that wasallam father Navy, grandfather Navy,

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his son Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam Nabi three or four generations maybe. And he's asking his children who are you going to worship after me? home so it's been a certificate of net Barack Obama? Yes. Mr. Jacob kiski barack obama but we can't even think with regard to a parent whose father was an MP whose grandfather was an MP whose son is gonna be he's asking his children who are you going to worship after me to show you how important

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Eman is

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in ours in this situation? What we will do is interesting humahuaca a person was on his deathbed. So you know, yeah, America, you know, he must have been like us all the time in business. Yeah, we all the time. We are in business. We like our business well person called, you know, he was on his deathbed. So before his death, he had three children. So he started calling his children whose man were you smoking? Uncle honey, where are you Abdullah? Mohammed, Mohammed Cain. Now they're all thinking that the Father is about to die and therefore he wants to give us some this year this year Karnataka to after he said every three, three years he said yes all three a year. He says all three

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are you are using the show up you happier to cut percona hamari Allah, Allah tala hamcrest. But can you imagine what the situation is about jacobina salatu salam does our concern remotely compares or matches the concern has at jacoba salatu salam had with regard to his children. Our concerns in this and our effort in this regard, not inadequate with regard to the spiritual upbringing of our children. Allah tala in the Holy Quran says what

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it was to be Rania command your family members to perform salata, you also be steadfast opponent lanessa Lucretia, we don't ask you about there is no naruko Carla says we will give them risk apnea but chokyi tarbiat. Carry a mask or a jacket risca taluka hambone chorister in Arcadia setting it can Allah tala dengan and uttara says I will give them risk. Your responsibility is to see that to give them a proper upbringing. Do we ever consider this? Have you ever considered this? That is also one of our responsibility? validation cannot say, Jessica when can

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you sit around ki Rouhani or copper one serrana Joby Bay hatchery hair or year while it in Kissimmee Daria mercy Hamza Medallia

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and how can I make mention of this? I mentioned this many times. It's such a beautiful incident. So Fiona Sonia Rahmatullah Lee has mentioned it as a multi service approach. As mentioned in this module for the desert Yusuf alayhi salatu salam. After Jacobo a Salam came to know that young Yusuf Alayhi Salam is alive, Cialis, Cialis, Alka Barranco patella kimera

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toe. Qui Laker is the one who brought the good tidings, your son Yusuf is alive. So Jacobo a salat wa salam said How is my son?

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Mira use of case I

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took this in a car water missile kabocha He is the king of Egypt. Ha ha ha water missile kabocha? He's the king of Egypt to iacobelli salaam Nikki aka I'm not asking you where there is a king of Egypt or not. I'm asking you how is the modern

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man a petrochemical kabocha Mia puja Okey. Okey Mancha, Kahala. This is how we are supposed to be with our children do we give our children that particular type of as as parents who look after the material needs of our children. We also need to look after the spirit.

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means. Now a few tips. We don't have much time. So I'm going to make it short. few tips with regard to parenting in today's time. One of the greatest things for parents today is to be able to understand the challenges our children are going through. We can never be able to be good parents, if we don't understand the challenges our parents, our children are going to what what we went through in our life, what we went through when we were children, and the challenges we had. It's not even a fraction of the challenges our parents in the present age children and youth are going through, especially those who are youth, they are going through a situation of identity crisis, they

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are going through a situation where they face so many different types of temptations. temptations is on the on the hands, they can access the worst type of vulgarity at the tap of a button, they can get all of this without going out in the open, they can do it in the in the darkness of their own room, in the privacy of their own room, we need to understand the challenges our children are going through. Stephen Covey has made mention of it. First, seek to understand before you are understood, if you don't understand the challenges, you will not be able to deal with the challenges of our children. So what are the first thing is we have to understand that someone has given a very

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beautiful example, our India in South Africa, our mobile numbers are 10 digits. in UK they are 11 digits. Now if you got 10 digits, nine digits or right, one digit is wrong. When you get through to the number you're looking for, you won't get through. In a similar manner. If you don't understand your child. If you are 90%. There, you don't 100% you're not going to get through to your child, you're not going to get through to your youth. Now in this in parenting in today's time, you know, I've done workshops on this. I've spoken to people with regard to I've done hours on this particular subject, right in different parts of the world and workshops. And one of the things is the people

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who do guarantee this area for ways of parenting. I'm gonna cut it short for myself, free rein controlling authoritarian, right. permissiveness and free rein slightly vary, you know, similar to one another. One is permissiveness, you don't worry about the limits, what they do, they are children, they must grow up, they must find their own way. That is permissive. free reign, on the other hand, is slightly different ethics as a choice, you take the route that lesson I'm going to demonstrate whatever they want, I give them permission to do what they want.

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That is another another way of parenting is control. You want to control each and everything of the behavior. And another one is authoritarian. You do what I say you must do. You got no say whatsoever with regard to the situation. Just do whatever I'm what I say you must do. The previous way of parenting, let's face it 50 years ago, 60 years ago, that was the way of parenting children must be seen. They must not be heard. They must just do what the parents say. By and large in today's time, that doesn't work. By and large, it creates a false sense of authority, because they do things behind your back, then they will not be able to openly deal with you with regard to the challenges

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with regard to the questions with regard to the doubts with regard to what they are doing. So you think everything is good many times is not good. It might work in certain times. I give you an example. Right. by us. It was Tammy Rahmatullah Lee, very amazing. Brooke right. Very great. His mother, his father passed away. He told by a sick mother came to leave him by a very great chef, by a very great booster. You give my child a proper Islamic upbringing and education, and only send him back after he's completed his education. One day biosuit Rahmatullah Allah was free. So he said, I'm going to visit my mother. He came to his mother's house, he knocked on the door. Mother said Who is

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it by?

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Mother said which buyers a con buyers? I don't know any buyers, many patient advocacy buyers eco buyers Ito America, men are on quota Talon

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Talon parameter

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until he doesn't complete his studies, he doesn't come back. I don't know anybody has a bias. He got the message. He went away, came back after he completed his studies into this time we can do that. You know, I was recently reading moved to Texas money was, you know, writing a critic and a review on the life of as a shepherd he hasn't won as a carrier sobre la la, how his parents and how his father treaty treated him and how his father's made the therapy.

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In that review, Mitch mentioned that in today's time, many times, if parents were to adopt this particular method of therapy, perhaps the children won't be able to bear it. I'm not saying is that right if it happens Alhamdulillah but by and large, three

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The situation is slightly different, because of the pressure and the different types of trials and temptations, we have to have balance and the key word in this particular regard is bad balance. And this is very important. For example, many times we use the situation is it too much of discipline is not good. Right? If you make too much of discipline, you will the children will revolt. Yes, it is true. Sometimes you make too much of discipline you too hard upon the children, they will revolve. Allah in the Quran says if you are harsh, and you are too strict, they will turn away against you, they will dissipate from you. But too little discipline is also not right. So how do you get the

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balance, not too much discipline, not too little discipline, some of the, you know, they've given this example of a wet bow. So, a wet bow so to keep it loose need to fall out of your head and a wet bow. So cookie due to lack of too tight it also.

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If you too, have your to do perhaps lose your children, if you too soft also you will lose your children. Children are like budding plants, the way children budding plants, you protect it from the elements in a similar manner, you protect your children from the elements and the environment to the best of your ability. So important thing is with regard to and perhaps what I would suggest nurturing with limits, you negotiate with them and said, See, I will give you limits. You can do this much. You have to study for so many hours you can do with your technology for so many hours. But then what happens that it gives them a certain degree of independence. But also there is limits.

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It is frightening for a child to grow up without limits without discipline. So the balance, the balance of getting nurturing with limits. This is something I'm suggesting in the short period of time, we can say and one important point I will always say and I think it's very, very important that we keep this in mind. Punishment suppresses behavior, discipline changes behavior. Punishment suppresses behavior. It doesn't change behavior, and discipline, nurturing, giving tarpeian changes behavior. We don't want to punish for the sake of punish. We want to change behavior. Sasa bakasana. Yes as our Sangha Ravi Yoko de vida de or Zapata, Raja Yoga,

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Jaime apne, choco banana sasani, Donna. So through the means of punishment, you suppress behavior, and through the means of discipline you change behavior. Today, you can insulate your children from the tiles. You can be they can, you know, no one I've known of parents, who they said we were so strict with our children, we didn't allow them this we didn't allow them that after we came to realize what they pocket money they went to go buy the same thing that I was trying to save them from. So today, a situation in which you can isolate or insulate your children, you must inoculate them. You can insulate to isolate your children in your pupil aid them from the challenges that they

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are facing. And a very important point I would like to make children no matter how they are three children will think that they are very, very free and a very independent children need affirmation and validation. Children need affirmation and validation. That is why you see children throwing tantrums. Whenever you don't give any attention to the child what he does, he throws a tantrum. Why does he throw a tantrum, children love affirmation. They love to be recognized. They would love to be recognized as naughty children.

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They're not to be recognized as children. You will see it in your in your baby with your own children, your grandchildren. If you don't give them time, you don't give them attention, they will throw a tantrum, why they are throwing a tantrum, because they want attention, they want validation, they would rather be affirmed and they would rather be looked upon with affirmation and validation as noted children then to be ignored. So we have to give them information and validation. You have to give them give them enough love. Even if they do something that is wrong. you criticize that behavior, you tell them that is wrong. But my one line might be respect to others. Never leave your

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children without love. Never leave your children feeling that they are alone. Never leave your children feeling that they are discarded. Never leave your children feeling that they are not wanted by their parents. Because if they get love from somewhere else, from a bad friend, or someone who comes from opposite gender, they are going to forget because we have not given them sufficient love, they will go there. You have to give them enough love. And even this whole aspect with regard to peer pressure, which we see is one of the greatest challenges of children. Those who are self confident, those who have got love for their parents, inshallah they would be able to survive peer

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pressure. If you have not given them love. You have not given them information. They will be they will going to succumb to peer pressure.

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So, this is a very important point, but to say up there last mahapatra zakharova Yamanashi hypno therapy in the hunnic kawhia concept they had Mahabharata na Manasa cheese okay Johanna up massaman curry. It is a little

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delanco me upset behold.

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After may 2008 hired by my manager Pooja Suma has given an ayat of the Holy Quran, who emphasized kumala coonara save yourself and your family members from the fire of Jana who said Miss Alma data, Allah tala tala tala says save your children from the fire of jahannam How do you save your children from the fire of Jannah? Allah Allah, Allah tala Samus, Allah never let anyone come through such a situation. But Misaki for example, you are driving home, all of a sudden you see smoke coming from your from your area, etc. It must be someone's house, or maybe the the debris that is burning, maybe the the the debris that is burning the trash that is a spring to come through. So you realize, no,

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this is perhaps very close to my house, you start getting worried maybe it is my house, then you come back and you see your house on fire. And then immediately you start thinking you're worrying about your children and your wife, etc. You come home and you see and you go through the police report and you go to the court and they say no, you say this is your house, they allow you to go through. You said hamdulillah got three children. You see your two children on the street? Who said hamdulillah Can you see what about my third child?

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What about my third child and you see and you think that your third child is in the house? What will be your situation at that time? I know what I will do. I will sacrifice my life to where do I take the child away from them. Take that example. And now look at the iron ore believers save your children from the fire of

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that urgency you have in such a situation the same in great urgency must be to save our children from the fire of Jannah. May our children be the coolness of our eyes. Today the greatest time of our generation today for parents is with regard to our children. May Allah Allah protect and preserve our children. They will be protected if we have the proper love, and we show them kindness and we show them that we are for them. But this is a great test trial. And brothers This is what we have to do and continuous making to our Nivea cream sauce limit said three people's doors and that so the reject one of them is a parents do offer the children and that

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I mean shala sub milker II Allah keep our children protected and preserve the man and keep them right and make them the coolness of our eyes.