Channel: The Deen Show
Are Women Too Emotional? This weeks episode Eddie interviews Dr. Ekram Beshir.
Welcome to the D Show. I'm excited you're with me. I'm with you. And you know what we got so much great things to talk about a special guests on a D show this.
Back here on the D show my special guest, Dr. Akram? Yes, I say that right? When yeah Dr. Ekrem Bashir Bashir. Now you said Bashir, everybody knows my good friend. He's here actually Your husband is here with us Dr. Bashir. And that's how he actually recommend that I have you on the show because so many people got to benefit from I mean, you guys from from the program I've done with him. You guys have authored so many different books on not only parenting, but also on marriage. Is that right? Yes, we've been working together on that for quite a number of years. Now. I, I don't remember when we started. But hamdulillah we felt that, you know, we we our life is going good and
we are able to communicate and make a happy family for ourselves and our children.
And Alhamdulillah we started like giving lectures and that and then writing books was an extra step to try to spread the knowledge because everybody deserves to live happily. And we know from Allah subhanaw taala in the Quran, Allah tells us that Manami lasallian Minda Quran, our own fella who are movement fella nahi, and now hyah, Tonto, you mean and whoever does good deeds, and he is a believer, Allah will make him live a good life. So sometimes people lose track of why their life is not really working together, why our couples are not happy with each other. And that could be the little things about understanding each other about being able to forgive and forget and some time,
strike the balance. Because sometime many times, the person is closer to herself or himself than to their spouse. They know what bother them, they know what makes them happy. And if they're not communicating well, and the telling the other person, their spouse, what they expect from them, then it doesn't work. And they don't really like you know, someone might think, well, he should know what pleases me or she should know what pleases me. But that that's not how it works. We better learn to talk more and tell each other about it in a calm way not to bottle everything up and wait until we can take anymore and then explode. Yeah.
Is it fair to say it's an art and when I opened up the show, I mean, the art of dealing with a woman? Would you say it's somewhat of an art? I agree, I think it's very much a good description for okay, because there there are some, we know that, that the women are
emotional creatures, right? Sometimes, and especially at certain stages of a woman's life, some some things happen, and they might handle things differently. So we want to get some advice of the husband now he's not able to handle these situations, sometimes, you know, this, the man he just can't, you know, handle all these emotions, and he just loses it. So, what advice do you get? Okay, the advice here is to acknowledge that, as you said, the woman is different ulimate us into gender for a reason.
Allah subhanaw taala decided that, you know, it would be best for the woman to be emotional because being emotional doesn't mean sometimes, by the way, when people say the woman is emotional, the mean that it's she is too emotional, she is too irrational, but that's not it. Being emotional is something that is needed for a woman and and even for, you know, for her, it's for the benefit of her husband for the benefit of her children. This is how she's made. She She is more emotional than the man for sure. And for the husband to know that she is emotional. What does this mean? It means that you know,
acknowledge these emotion and it's not hard. Just if you tell if a husband tells his wife that you know, he's lead say and then instead of ignoring that he doesn't spend time with hair. And instead of just thinking okay, what's the matter with you? Just to say to tell her something like you know, it was or you would like to be
here with you, but really, I needed to do this or that or this, but then decide about a time when he can be with her.
acknowledge her needs the talk about talk more, because most men, as I see it, they don't talk enough with their wives. And then the same time, the wife or the woman needs to tell him, what pleases hear what she's expecting from her from him.
So it's not like, you know, everyone assuming that he should know and, and he assumed that what is upsetting, it's rather that she needs to help him understand the hair, and he needs to listen, and she needs to listen, they both need to listen to each other. So they can understand better about each other. Because although there is a common area between them, how they are similar in in something, they are different and other things. And if that was not for a wisdom, they would have been a lot of 100, Allah would have created all of us the same. So being emotional here, meaning that this to be acknowledged, she's still rational, she still have a mind to think. And she still
acknowledge intellectually things and so on. But she is for sure. She needs for her emotion to be acknowledged much more. We're gonna go ahead. And before we get into the to the next question, we'll take a break, come back. And we'll talk some more here. We're Dr. Akram, and you don't want to go anywhere, we got some some great stuff to talk about. With right back, please subscribe to the show. Follow us on our official Facebook and Twitter pages in the links below. Please also help support the show by making a donation in the link below.
Back here on the deen show. Now, let me know, for our audience in these times, when you know and specifically now the things I want to I want to focus on are some of the challenging times that a woman might go through, for instance, postpartum depression,
special time of the month, and what are some other unique times and challenges that a woman goes through? So how can a man deal because it can be overwhelming at times, because the man is also when we got to knowledge he's not made? He's made in a certain way. You know, he's he's made to be like, you know, if the lion comes into jungle, he's a man he's not. He's like, and a woman wants a man but also, at the same time, not some person who's a tyrant. So striking the balance for him to be under the under understand her but at the same time, her being under understand how long made him? Yes, exactly. Well,
as you said, the woman needs someone who is a strong, someone who is emotionally by strong I mean, also emotionally, can they stand up and and she she can trust that, you know, he can look after the family and protect them and so on. The woman would like for someone to for her husband to have a leadership and not to really let things happen as it happens, but have a leadership and in the right thing. Like leadership doesn't mean here that he bosses people around the boss's head around, but in the same time when things need to be decided he can take that decision.
Sometimes you mentioned something about special prime and special needs and so on. We know that many troubles and many problems come from that how the relationship happened between the different families like what we call in laws. If say, for example,
a woman or a wife have some misunderstanding or they don't really communicate well herself and her sister in law.
The leadership here will be that the husband has to take a position where he is fair, and he can communicate to both of them how important each of his sister or his wife to him and make some, you know, some sort of discussion or give some direction for how they do that. But sometimes, some men just let things happen. And they don't interfere at all and they don't think of any other interfere here doesn't mean that you know he is going to but he can mediate he can talk to his wife, good things about how he value hair, and then the same time how it will make him so happy that she makes it up with his sister, but then give her some direction about you know
What she has to do and what she doesn't have to do, because she's doing that to please Him, and do the same thing goes his sister. So by this mediation, he is showing leadership. And that's some kind of a strength that's important in our time. Now, as you said, the man is not made to, to always have that emotions and to be very emotional. But when he feels that his wife is
she wants to talk about something that's bothering you hear something that's bottled up in here, or she may not ask him that, or tell him that she wants to talk, but she's not herself. She is quiet she is this time, she's that it will help so much that he says, Are you upset about something? What sorry, oh, tired, are you bothered, are you so she noticed, or she feels that he noticed her mood.
Also, the woman's life goes through cycles, when once she started to be a grown up, or like an adult, she goes through cycles, and these cycles happen, because she is under the effect of hormones that is going against like, and this, of course, is what needs to be done for her as a woman, so she can bear children and give birth and so on. And the man has to notice that that because she goes on cycles, then sometimes these hormones are making her oversensitive, she could, she could get easily upset or, or tired or, and, and know when that will help, will help their relationship that you know, he and these days he needs to be more patient to his hair. And he needs to realize that she
may be she gets tired so easily. I remember sometimes in you know, conflicts between a couple. And it was it was resolved by the man noticing that yes, this cycle thing has an effect on hair rather than think she is lazy. And she sleeps too much, for example. So this is how, you know understanding the nature of each other will help with the relationship rather than just to be judgmental and think someone is lazy or someone doesn't have you know enough heart to notice how she is and and this kind of thoughts.
Before we go to break, what are your comments on I had a person who is also an expert in this area. Her name is a Doyle key wrote the book called The surrendering wife. Are you familiar with this book? I yeah, I haven't read it. But are you heard about it? Yes. And she talks about the concept between love and respect.
And really the drive for men more is the respect that they desire more and the woman desire more of the love, but obviously men want to be loved too. But what's, you know, the, the water for the man, because we both need food and water. But one we need more than the other. Otherwise, you're gonna die if you if you don't have water, you know, you can go longer without food. So that for the man is respect for the woman. It's the love. What are your comments on that? Yeah, I believe I believe, I don't know, if we take respect as what's the implication of respect. If we take respect as
sort of, you know, do as I do, as I ask of you, or do as you know, as you know, this is what are you like, and so on?
Yeah, he might care more about respect. While if we acknowledge that the woman needs to be nurtured with love more than she also needs to be respected because nobody likes anybody. Nobody likes to be mis disrespected or treated, mistreated. So I would say the woman also likes to be respected. But it's not. It's not that huge. I think as long as she is respected generally and we all know when the respect is at, at least at the level where it shouldn't go below. Then Yes, she needs more love. Want to take a break? And we'll be right back with Dr. Akram here on the deen show. Don't go anywhere. Please subscribe to the show. Follow us on our official Facebook and Twitter pages in the
links below. Please also help support the show by making a donation in the link below.
Back here on the D show. Tell us can you
Tell us now that a lot of times in relationship, there's certain things, you know, that the man will do. And then sometimes certain things the woman will do. And does it really help when both parties understand, but he has a book called men are from Mars, women from Venus, when we understand that a lot, the creator, the Almighty has made us different. We knowledge, these differences. And but and then how can we get to, to the point where once we acknowledge these differences that we can kind of
deal with each other? In a better manner? Yeah. Well, once we acknowledge that we are made different, we're not going to be shocked, you know, how did he do that to me, or how could she does this to me, we're not we are learning about each other. And we acknowledge also that these differences are for our own benefits, and for the benefits of the family. And we are open to learn about each other. And we must like what I found that sometimes When, when, between a couple, when thinks when they start, you know, in the beginning, of course, everybody is open and welcoming the other person and so on in the beginning of marriage, then when few things happen, happens over and
over, then many times they start to be distant from each other. Because one of them was trying to perhaps talk about it, and the other one, took it lightly, or did not pay much attention to it. So the person who was was feeling good that the not getting, you know what they expected from the marriage, try to close up so they don't get hurt more. And the start to be in a relationship, yes, they are married, yes, they have their children, but the not really feeling for each other the not communicating the not enjoying their life at all. But they just passing time. And this is a very serious situation that nobody should allow it to happen to them. How could they do that? They better
refresh from time to time, they better get out, find somebody to take the kids, if their kids are young, and they try to go out for a go for a couple of days, if they can afford that. If if they don't have anybody to leave their kids with, at least to go for a day, go for half a day. And then they go back to when they were just engaged, or early married, and so on. And to try to feel for each other try to talk try to tell it's as simple as it is. But what happened is that it becomes like a mountain that they have to climb because now they became distant. And I would say listen in to each other is the most important thing you can do. And also keep Connect, keep stay connected to
the Creator, Allah subhanaw taala. Because when you are connected to a las panatela you receive everything with an open heart. But when you are not connected, you feel very harsh inside yourself. And then you are already tense. And the tension, of course is so high now in in everybody's life. And we have to have a way a healthy way to de stress and to let that tension go. So they are able to be patient with each other they are able to give and not not asked for, you got to give me back right away. But you know, just wait a little bit, and it's coming. And in addition to that, I say people need to, if they feel they are in a situation where they are not, you know, they not getting
anywhere. One of them is always pushing their way, his way or her way, then they need to let the other person know. And they need to tell them that please, we have to strike the balance in the relationship. And if they can't reach that between the two of them alone. There is a rule in the Quran that say is that he should invite someone from his side and she should invite somebody from her side. And they they tell them the issue and then they try to mediate between them. What I'm saying here is that they should not accept to live together under the same roof as to strangers, they should try to work their issues out and that there is different ways they should handle it by
themselves as they can
Then they should reach out for somebody to help mediate between them. If there's something that we won't have a couple minutes left, if there's just something in one word in a sentence, some something key. So a couple key components, something that you think,
advice that you've given, that really helped you that you or you've gotten, or that you've given that's really helped, you know, sometimes we can hear just one sentence in a hadith and is something that is so powerful that you can go back to, whenever you're in a dilemma. Is there one, something like that you can share with us before we come to an end? Okay.
Well, I'm going to say something that's simple, but it's not, it's different from a different area. Because, of course, Mashallah, in the verses and in the Hadees, and so on, there is so much guidance, but I want to tell all husbands that it's easy to please your wife, just acknowledge her feelings. Just tell her that she is dear to you tell her that, you know, yeah. If it was, you know, what, she's upset that you don't spend time with her or she is upset that you know, you She hasn't seen you for so long, or you are not sharing some shots to get when you are or when just to get up and do what she is doing. As we know, the prophet alayhi salatu wa sallam can, if he mentioned it,
it means, which means that he was always doing, what his family's doing, what his wife is doing. When you do that, you will give her a lot of support. And it's not about how much you're going to really finish in the little time that you know, you may share with her this helping around the house. But it's about acknowledging that taken care of the family, at that level at the level of housekeeping and looking after the children and so on, is something valuable. It's not It's not like putting it down putting this kind of work that's absolutely important and needed, though. Tell us where can people get some of your you and your husband's books, if they're interested. The books are
printed by a man of publication here in the United States. And I think it's a m e n e. So I'm Anna, and you can look it up or that's basically on Amazon or look, I'm in a publication itself and everything is there. Yeah, everything is there. Thank you so much. Hello. Hi there. Thank you.
And thank you for tuning in to the D show. If you haven't subscribed, subscribe right now. Hope you got to benefit from this advice. We're here every week with a new exciting show. Until then, peace be with you. So I'm like, please subscribe to the show. Follow us on our official Facebook and Twitter pages in the links below. Please also help support the show by making a donation in the link below.