Channel: The Deen Show
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Dr.Debra Majeed, Ph.D, and Imam Musa along with his wife answer questions on Polygamy (polygyny)
real smooth out on the law. greetings of peace how you go join. We're with two special guests, Professor Deborah Majeed, she may find herself with only two choices.
One to remain single. And two to take a husband, who at some time in their marriage may take another woman as his wife.
reel to reel Sally key
any mom who saw and we're going to be talking about feed for the stars of the reality TV show Sister Wives at federal appeals court reverses a landmark decision that decriminalized poly polygamy in Utah. The family sued over Utah's ban on plural marriages after local prosecutors announced they may charge Cody brown heart of that show and his wives. The ruling says the family can't sue because charges were never filed and authorities that said they won't prosecute consenting adult polygamous
polygyny. Now it's very, very some people find it very strange, because usually men will talk about this. But now to meet a professor who actually wrote a thesis on it and fill us in. What else are you doing on this topic? Well, for once, I want to help our society bit and Muslims to better understand what your marriage is about. And what Islam prescribes. This idea of polygyny when a husband shares multiple wives, has two conditions. So we're trying to correct the misconception that polygyny is either mandated by Islam or dictated by Islam, as much as polygyny was regulated
by the prophet Muhammad, and that those who practice the discipline of marriage in the United States have great responsibility. And so match deeds across the country and across the world, in my view, much more intent on supporting healthy marriage with
Mr. moussaka tell us is this something that in your in your community or a lot of not yet Muslims, they they bring this up and and what do you usually say when this is brought up in issue?
It's been a very tough topic to talk about until recently, especially in India, then from India, when the government tried to interfere with the Muslim personal law, particularly talking about the divorce, many of the sisters took to the streets, practicing educated, well qualified professional sisters, who has defended the rights, the polygyny, and said that it will find peace and security inside. What What do you Why do you think this has been so demonized? When this is something throughout history? It was something that was common. Yeah, but because in the United States we have a living is against the law, by civil law requires us to have for Amanda take one legal wife. And so
we have, unfortunately, have too many experiences of the practice of polygyny that has been done. In contrast to what not only Islam teaches, but the Quran says. So we have too many bad experiences too many people who are victims of abuse, physical, spiritual, emotional and otherwise. So it's only natural for people to look at the number of victims and think that this practice is out of
shape. What do you think? If historian The only the bad things get the news, and bad news becomes the news. There are not as numerous examples of people are enjoying their life and family as together, they're really enjoying the fruits of the polygyny, if it can be practiced, in accordance with the teachings of Muhammad, peace be upon him and instructions given by Allah subhanaw taala he can be blessings, we see that this is something that is, you know, all the messengers of God, you know, they practices it's it's clearly outlined in the Bible, we see that throughout history, it was something that was that was that was common. We see that today, that when a man has multiple
mistresses, when he's fooling around, like many of these politicians, not caring or loving for these women just using and abusing, you know, this seems, you know, to be normal, it's not something to look down upon. But when someone wants to go ahead and care for these women, and many, you know, a lot of times what's the solution there? There's so many more women than men out there. And many you know, who can't get married or, you know, many have either lost their husbands or whatnot. What's the solution? You know, what do you do? First of all, we need some education both among Muslims and Muslims with in their context with not polygyny is only one form of marriage and the Quran as well.
We can clearly understand is positioning us for monogamy.
polygyny is practice and it's practice according to the conditions that are outlined in the Quran. We see blessings in those relationships, we see blessings we see lives lived, we see children living, vibrant and environment loving households. The problem is that even though some people talk about trying to assist those who would not have marriage available to them any other way too often they're using and abusing is very important in our society and across the Muslim world, that the forms of marriage that take place are ones in which women have agency women are making a choice, that they are freely entering the types of union that they are that the masjids that perform
ceremonies where the monogamous or polygynous provide the resources, the emotional and psychological care to strengthen marriages, whatever the form in the United States, we know that marriage is in divorce 50% of the time, right? So it Islamic communities like other communities, we really need to have some strong education and guidance, we need to help guide individuals into happy and healthy homes and not just get married because they have this the opportunity. So I'm saying that in the book polygyny what it means when African American Muslim women share their husband is advocating the decriminalization of polygyny and encouraging masjids to spend more time and more resources more
care on fostering an environment where healthy marriages continue to shake. What have you noticed we when we talk to some of the moms are saying a lot of women are upset? You know, the women are coming forward and saying Why aren't you advocating on our behalf many can't get married. And you know, they've closed this door What have you have you seen some of this happening? I have seen a couple of experiences in this regard. But however, we have found that where the sisters come forward with this kind of message, not only the husbands are encouraged, but also the moms they should also discuss this with Imams and amount that will be open to discuss these things in their sermons, or in their
own hobby roles. This need to be a discussion among the youth as well have seen that most of us have discussions. And if this is answered, we can easily introduce the blessings of the polygyny in the Muslim environment where many things can be avoided by having practice mistakes, I would strongly recommend that if need to be talked about like sensory scanning, I would like to see more and more sisters come forward and talk about it. The benefit of it for others to see the goodness in it. And we'll conclude with one more question. Tell us sister professor, what do you usually say when you I'm sure you deal with a lot of emotion, emotional people who when you bring this up, you know you
get a lot of backlash. You get a lot of women that will come at you emotionally and how do you tackle it give us a true life story. And, you know, how do you deal with it?
The motion ality comes out of hurt and pain and fear. And what we notice in polygynous marriages, the challenges to polygynous marriages are also evident in the challenges of monogamous marriages, right. So that's why I'm advocating for stronger resources for just what it means to be married. But many of us don't know what it means to live a healthy halau single life and preparing ourselves for me. And those individuals who are acting as our guardians, as I said, are wildly so to speak. They need to be educated to they need to know what it means to look out for the best interests of the women involved. And then the women have to appreciate that allows to kind of adopt is the best nor
and that we don't have to set up and we don't have to take for less just to enter into the status of marriage. What's your book called and where people figured out is polygyny what it means when African American Muslim women's
when African American Muslim women share their husbands, it is published by University Press of Florida is on Amazon. And right now it's in paperback for $15 or less. Last one last one. Have you heard another sensible, sensible solution to the growing crisis that has anyone presented you with something to solve? The problem is there are obviously more Have you heard it heard a solution. Besides this one, where communities
are able to bring men and women together and give them healthy options of living allow life regardless of their status. We see more healthy families. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming.
Sir closing comments and I would like to see that what you're doing is the one of the best thing that we can do in this regard. polygyny is a hush hush issue for all this time. And that's the reason that people have a fear fear of unknown. I would like for it to be discussed and we can talk about more openly. And the more we talk about it and more examples come into this life, people would be able to handle this a more appropriate. Last but not the least, the more we talk about this among ourselves, I would like the sisters to take lead. And when anybody desiring to enter into this relationship, they need to be open nothing of this thing to be done in secrecy. The minute you do in
secrecy that you yourself is not confident that will make you unfit to enter this contract to begin with. And when people exercise these things in secrecy, it can literally open the door for some abuse and negligence towards the right that Islam demands from husbands and wives towards each other. So it must be discussed openly is what we've done in community and community should come to know of this so they can keep an eye and it's a very healthy approach to polygyny, in my opinion. Thank you guys very much. Thank you, Professor Mr. Moosa. So we're gonna close it up. Also, you have your wife is here and you'd like to add to this? Yes. Alhamdulillah I'm really blessed in this
regard that Allah subhanaw taala has blessed us with the understanding within I ever practice that or not the fact that she understand the rights of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And her writes, thank she supports and strongly stand by it, is the fact that we understand that we many Muslims need to understand what are the limitations are I see my wife, she understands her own limitations, she understands the rights that Allah has enjoined upon the husband, and she stands with it. And she said that what Allah has made it permissible for u haul microscopists and she sees that in two ways one, if you find a sister who you can work with and relate and work together to advance the cause of
disdain, she said it's an extra support that we'll have and plus having the progeny through this also increasing the omap seven or seven muscle loss and she seems to be very passionate when it comes to that she said that even when you have more skills, I would be able to help them and support them in Charlotte and I grow islamically strong and at times when we talk about this even my daughter takes part in she said that I will certainly be enjoying having extra brothers and sisters and extra
member in the family as well as the What advice do you give for people wanting to extend their family make a bigger family and many of the sisters who are having a very hard time accepting this
it is like It is him Don't
make it hard for any man.
Why you will have to make it difficult for him
because we have to access no proof Allah subhanaw taala
to guide that man for eternity inshallah, we can do that between both of them. And for me, I see like it's another one coming without for the perfect metal panels
and to make more money and grow and grow
for better inshallah. Thank you so much.