» Earn on-going rewards and help us do more! «

Essential Fiqh Class-Sunday January 10, 2021

share this pageShare Page
Daood Butt

Channel: Daood Butt

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:01

Except 1234

00:00:02--> 00:00:18

so count on. So let me just recap very quickly in sha Allah sent Mr. Doctor logo care to those of you on Facebook and YouTube Forgive me. I don't know why I do remember pressing the button but maybe the mouse wasn't exactly on the button and it didn't press.

00:00:19--> 00:00:22

So it's about salatu salam O Allah.

00:00:26--> 00:00:47

We began a few minutes ago and we're going through marital disputes. And what I was saying is I'm going to, I'm going to leave the typical path that you would hear, you know, scholars or he memes talk about and using verses and stuff like that to say, this is what you do, you're having an issue 1234 this is how you rectify it. And that's the end of it. Rather,

00:00:49--> 00:00:57

there are certain things that we can learn. And so I just finished reciting two verses. The first one is verse number 34, sort of denisa will lead to her phone and she was

00:00:59--> 00:01:01

never Judo, mobile.

00:01:04--> 00:01:12

And then verse number 128, to sort of denisa what do you need more of that barony and who she was, and Iran all

00:01:14--> 00:01:15

will never hire any human

00:01:17--> 00:01:18

being.

00:01:20--> 00:01:32

As soon as he wants some kind of way to either give us these ads, not just these two, many, many other ads, and many examples through the son of the Prophet son along it was set up

00:01:34--> 00:02:00

in how to deal with your spouse. Now when we're looking at the husband, you know, dealing with the wife and having these issues with his wife, many husbands will go straight to verse number 34, sort of to Nisa and say, Okay, this is this is what we need to do. 1234, right, this is what we need to do, we need to resolve our problems by you know, doing this. And if that doesn't work, then do this. And if that does work, then do this. And if that doesn't work, then

00:02:02--> 00:02:03

First of all,

00:02:05--> 00:02:07

there's a reason why our

00:02:08--> 00:02:17

Sunday as in when you look at the son of the Prophet went along, it was Sunday is so diverse. And there are so many examples, there's so much there, there's a reason for it.

00:02:18--> 00:02:26

Because not every single person's problem is the same. And what I was saying just before I started the livestream there, and forgive me once again, for the delay on that.

00:02:27--> 00:03:03

What I was saying is Prevention is always better than cure. Prevention is always better than cure. So if you are going to use means to prevent argument and means to prevent problems and issues, then that is usually better. Because you will find yourself in a smoother and nicer environment moving forward. But if you're just not going to care about your relationship, and you're going to let it crumble, you're not going to talk, you're not going to communicate. And then eventually what happens is two people, the husband and wife grow further and further apart. Trying to bring them back together afterwards is very difficult. I know some people who I've dealt with who had marital issues

00:03:03--> 00:03:16

and problems for many years, you know, 510 1520, some even over 20 years, right, some even over 20 years of problems. And now at this point in time, it's like,

00:03:17--> 00:03:18

well,

00:03:21--> 00:03:44

you know, why did you wait so long? Why, you know, come to complain about the issues now. Now, of course, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't, you know, seek help and try to resolve these issues. But at that point in time, after so many years is probably not a How can I fix myself, it's more settling for this is the way it is. And you know what we're just gonna, we're gonna agree to move on.

00:03:46--> 00:04:23

So before we get into that, I always want to say, you know, prevention is better than cure. And that goes for everything health included, and I think of this every single day, like, you know, I should do exercise, it's good for me, and then I don't and then it should do exercise good for me. And then I don't say it should do exercise is good for me. And then I don't, and eventually you get older. And then the doctor says, Well, if you were doing exercise all of these years, you wouldn't have had these problems, but you weren't. So now here's the pills that you need to take. And it's like, man, if only it was doing the exercise, right. So that prevention could have been put in place, had we or

00:04:23--> 00:04:53

the problem that we're faced with now could have been prevented? Had we been working at it for so many years or for, you know, the duration of the time that that we're dealing with something and the same goes with marriage. So yes, Allah Subhana Allah says, will lead you to half moon and issues on a very low Judo one as well. But even now, when we talk about this verse, Allah Subhana, Allah saying, you know, if you're being treated not nicely from your wife, or your spouse, wife in particular,

00:04:54--> 00:05:00

then you know, be stern with her speak to her in a certain way. And that should convince

00:05:00--> 00:05:28

To You know, let go of these grudges or stop giving you the silent treatment or anything of that sort, then the second thing is refused to, you know, be intimate with her. And for men, that's, you know, for the most part, you see that as being something that's difficult right to do. So it's kind of like when you read through the books of Hades, and you know, the explanation and stuff like books of fit, they'll explain, like, you know, what the husband, if he sort of takes that stance, then it's like, he's giving up something that means a lot to him, and she'll recognize it.

00:05:30--> 00:05:35

But I don't think we live at a time and culture that sort of suits this.

00:05:36--> 00:05:37

So

00:05:40--> 00:05:42

I'm not saying don't do this.

00:05:43--> 00:06:19

It's in the end, it's part of our Deen. But think you live in a society where, for example, here in Canada, you know, a husband and a wife, both are going to work, both are very educated, both of them have the ability to speak and to communicate with one another. Both of them decided to marry each other instead of their families arranging it and stuff like that. So when you look at the way things were during the time of the prophets, but along with them, as well, as you know, those early stages those years, yes, the Sahaba themselves, they chose to the spouses that they wanted, it was not, you know, oh, this family agrees and that family agrees in the two people like, Hey, what's going on

00:06:19--> 00:06:27

here? We covered those topics already, right, that you have to say, we're agreed to marry this this person or disagree to that person.

00:06:29--> 00:06:32

But the culture is very different, you know,

00:06:35--> 00:07:18

people would submit a lot more to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah rather than to themselves. Right, that's how they would put Allah subhanho wa Taala. Before themselves, they would put the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam before themselves, they would put the cement in the life of the beaver as a Muslim, sometimes before themselves. And in fact, they would even try to help others before they would help themselves. And this is found in the sun. Now the advice of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam of you know, now you may know I had to come help you a bully as email your head good enough, see? Right? None of you will truly as incomplete your belief, it wouldn't be perfect

00:07:18--> 00:07:25

and polished, until you love for your brother, what you love for yourself or you love for another what you love for yourself.

00:07:26--> 00:07:32

Okay, so when we try to understand this, usually, usually what we find is

00:07:33--> 00:07:56

the Sahaba of the Allahu Allah whom they would put the principles of the deen, where they would put Allah subhanho wa Taala. If we could just bring it all back to our last panelist. And they would put also pedowitz as their goal to please. And so when there was a dispute within a marriage, for example, a reminder about the importance in pleasing the loss of hanway. Dad

00:07:57--> 00:08:44

would rectify the argument. I'm not saying that easy like Ben, it's done. But at times, yes, it was that way. Right. So when people put the dean before anything else in this, remember, we're working backwards now. So work backwards in the sessions that we took in the last few weeks. When we said choosing a spouse, the husband is going to look for, you know, beauty and wealth and lineage and Deen and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Deen above everything else. Right? When a wife or a woman is looking for a husband, look for a good character and look for their Dean. And Dean is important, right? That's that. So the person's belief, their level of belief, their consciousness of

00:08:44--> 00:09:22

Allah subhanho wa Taala should always be right in front of them. I'm thinking of a lots of bandwidth. And so now when you apply this in a marital dispute, you're having an argument and you're thinking to yourself, I'm being dumb, a lot doesn't want me to speak this way. I am being dumb because I am treating her unjustly. I'm being dumb because I'm doing this and that. And you start to list things that are important for a law in the sense that a lot doesn't want us to be this way. Allah doesn't want us to take the rights of someone else and must handle it. And it doesn't want us to use foul language loss penalties. Allah doesn't want us to be unjust a loss of haddaway to put us

00:09:22--> 00:09:36

in a position, especially the men in a position where you need to be responsible for your family, the well being the health, the food, the shelter, all of that is important for you to look after for your wife. And when you put all of this out there.

00:09:38--> 00:09:44

You think to yourself, Am I taking away from what Allah subhana wa tada wants from me? Yes. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't argue with her.

00:09:47--> 00:09:59

You notice, the argument sort of fizzled away. Now, it's easier said than done in a relationship when there's an argument. You know, you try to resolve it. It's like Yes, I know. I'm trying to please a love but

00:10:00--> 00:10:16

But part Yeah, that's where you got to be careful. I know, I, I have the added advantage of using that as my last name. So I say, Well, I'm allowed to use but, but it's not the beauty. Right? So there's no such thing as Yeah, I have to put a lot first But no, no, it doesn't exist.

00:10:18--> 00:10:19

I have to please Allah period.

00:10:21--> 00:10:23

Okay, I have to please a lot period.

00:10:24--> 00:10:26

Is this person good for me and my Deen?

00:10:28--> 00:10:29

Talk about your wife?

00:10:30--> 00:10:39

Don't immediately so a lot of husbands brothers will immediately go to verse number 34 have sort of Tunis and be like Allah says I have to do this and this and this. And if you don't

00:10:41--> 00:10:47

Calm down, they will read that last part and say, Well, did he move on? First of all that dog

00:10:48--> 00:11:32

bark can be understood in many different ways. But of course, here we know that at the time of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam it was being used as referred to is like the tapping with a miswak. Come on, come on. It's enough now. Okay, it's enough. Now, of course, we live in a place where this may not even be permissible, according to the law, so you need to be careful. Now, is this what we're referring to jumping to No. And that's not even the angle that I'm taking. The angle I'm taking today is we should be avoiding all of this to begin with. Right, avoid all of it to begin with by trying to set your goal in life in your marriage to please Allah subhanho wa Taala.

00:11:34--> 00:12:00

So that when you do have an argument, you're going to resolve the argument very easily by please loss of handling data, I'm not going to insult her, I'm going to speak to her nicely. And I'm going to talk to her in a way that she understands she's educated. She's well versed in communicative skills and stuff like that, let's talk it out. There's no need for yelling, no need for screaming, no need for banging, and so on and so forth. Easier said than done. I know, easier said than done. But

00:12:02--> 00:12:10

we have to try. And that's part of education. There's the theory. And there's the practicality of things. And so theoretically, we see that

00:12:12--> 00:12:20

there are steps that can be taken, that people will resort to, but we can take those preventative measures. And that's the way of the prophets along

00:12:22--> 00:12:42

the way of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam is to please his wife so much, please his wife to the extent that she's so pleased with him. In return, she always wants to please Him. And she feels bad for upsetting him at any point in time. Why? Because he's always pleasing. He's always doing what I was paired with.

00:12:43--> 00:12:57

And so when we use that preventative medicine, over the medicine that is needed for a cure, then we tend to find ourselves better, happier, stronger, living together, you know, in in a nice sort of setting.

00:13:05--> 00:13:08

I don't know if I want to say anything more on that topic.

00:13:09--> 00:13:10

I think

00:13:12--> 00:13:18

we do have to look at the fact that, you know, yes, even Abdullah,

00:13:19--> 00:13:20

even though we

00:13:23--> 00:13:28

have the narrative that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Do not strike the female servants of Allah.

00:13:29--> 00:13:34

Okay, so some brothers will say, but it's permissible in our Deen. Now, wait a second.

00:13:36--> 00:13:53

First of all, there are things Allah subhanho wa Taala has put in place for us to try to have good marriages so that we don't ever even need to use certain steps. Second of all, I want to put it out there that we need to also understand the fact that

00:13:54--> 00:13:58

the person we live with is a person that we love.

00:13:59--> 00:14:20

And we learned in the past that Allah Subhana, Allah says, or sorry, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam taught us right that, you know, you may be with someone in the day that you're angry with in at night, you want to be intimate with them. And so how are you going to treat them? Treat them nicely? Right, treat them nicely. You don't want to be treated that way yourself. So

00:14:22--> 00:14:41

I'm not going to go over those verses. And I'm hoping that people are not going to ask me questions about, you know, this and that. But I want to jump into the other side of things. Now what happens when the husband is playing hardball? Okay, so we spoke about when the wife is sort of giving the silent treatment, what happens when the husband is playing hardball?

00:14:43--> 00:14:49

How do you deal with his behavior? You know, how do you change that? So Allah Subhana Allah says,

00:14:50--> 00:14:52

and I was reciting this before

00:14:54--> 00:14:57

what you need more than haltered

00:14:58--> 00:14:59

barely

00:15:00--> 00:15:00

And

00:15:05--> 00:15:05

he

00:15:09--> 00:15:11

may have been

00:15:14--> 00:15:14

well suited.

00:15:16--> 00:15:21

He, what we're ideally

00:15:23--> 00:15:27

for social work to

00:15:36--> 00:15:37

be

00:15:39--> 00:15:41

almost compatible with Anna says.

00:15:44--> 00:16:04

And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion, she fears that her husband is going to abandon her or divorce her, or leave her or just ignore her. And the reason why I say all these different things is because people do some really weird things, really weird things I, you know, a sister came to me a couple of years ago.

00:16:07--> 00:16:43

At that point in time, for three years, her husband had separated from her, but just left her hanging in the sense that he didn't divorce her. So now she feels that sense of responsibility. islamically he's still my husband. And I know where he is, he just refuses to talk to me. And so she felt like, Okay, if he's not going to live with me, and he doesn't want to talk to me, then why doesn't he just divorced me? But he's like, No, I'm not going to divorce you. So she's like, okay, I don't understand. So I'm left in the middle of here, like, like what's happening, I can't go and marry someone else. And she was, she was not old, she had young children, little children, two, I

00:16:43--> 00:17:22

think two or three children, they were young, like, below the age of 10, she's not that old. So she still wanted to be with someone just like, my husband's not gonna live with me, then divorce me and move on. So in, you know, in life, there are many different cases and lots of different, you know, things happen. And I can give you so many different examples of things that come up. But again, we'll be here all night long. So Allah Subhana, Allah says, if a woman fears that she would be in that position, or you know, be divorced by her husband, there's no sin on both of them if they make terms of peace between themselves, and then they're going to agree to live together or to live a

00:17:22--> 00:17:30

certain way, where they're still married, right, they're still gonna be married, still husband and wife, she might, you know, give up some of her rights, she might say, you know, what,

00:17:31--> 00:17:41

I'll pitch in for some of the rent, or I'll pay for certain things and stuff like that, you know, just for the sake of staying married and being married together. And if the two of them agreed to this, then it's permissible, right.

00:17:43--> 00:17:55

And making pieces better, I must have handled it as a human inner cells swayed by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, a lot is ever well acquainted with what you do.

00:17:56--> 00:18:09

So sometimes, sometimes it might be better might be easier for the couple to simply say, Hey, you know what? and and you know, I was talking to someone about a month ago.

00:18:11--> 00:18:13

You're in your 60s, want to get divorced,

00:18:15--> 00:18:46

and you're in your 60s, want to get divorced. Now, someone might say, because I want to, I still want to live the rest of my life happy with someone else. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. Some people say, I don't really care, I just want a place to live, I just want to have my peace of mind, I want to be with my children, I want to, you know, have that space. Okay, if that's what you want. And the two of you are willing to live together and still be married to each other and agree to, you know, this is the way we're going to get that's fine, if that's what you agree to, right? Because people get older people's lives change over time. And if that's an agreement you have, and that's an

00:18:46--> 00:18:46

agreement you have.

00:18:48--> 00:18:58

So, you know, a sister can come to this conclusion and decide on on that or, you know, basically agree to these terms of peace, right?

00:19:04--> 00:19:47

But what happens if the relationship between two people gets even worse, okay, where now they feel you know, we're growing apart. Okay, we're growing far apart. And again, like I said earlier, at the beginning of the session, I'm not going to dive deep into anything today. And I'm going to take a different approach, mainly because every single person's situation is different. So you'll notice that I'm sort of just like, skimming over the top because if I start going into one example, there might be 95% of the people who are attending saying, but I don't have this issue. Okay, so if I go into another example, and another 95% of the people are saying but we don't have this problem

00:19:47--> 00:20:00

either. Right? So it's just skimming the top and giving us some preventative steps that we can sort of put in place and like I said, always put a lot of handwork and a pleasing a lot as your goal in your marriage. If

00:20:00--> 00:20:29

You're about to yell and scream at your husband or you're about to yell and scream at your wife and you say to yourself, I love doesn't want this from me. Stop. Do you think that that's going to make the relationship worse? Or better? Do you think that that's going to make the argument worse or better if you don't yell and scream at the top of your lungs? It's probably going to make things better, right? Don't think in most cases, except in the case of the person's like, well, they never yelled like that before backing down, right? It's just like, Okay, I'm done with this, I'm not gonna yell and argue and scream, okay.

00:20:30--> 00:20:37

But that's usually not the case, when voices get louder and louder and louder and louder, then things get worse and worse and worse.

00:20:38--> 00:20:44

So what happens when things are really bad in relationship? So here are some haddaway data shows us

00:20:45--> 00:20:53

first number 35, and sort of denisa are we living in a shape on the gene in the fifth dome shape or kabini?

00:20:55--> 00:20:59

mm M in an e. m m,

00:21:01--> 00:21:04

as the EU reader,

00:21:15--> 00:21:17

there any demon

00:21:18--> 00:21:22

in her current demon hobby.

00:21:26--> 00:21:30

So Allah Subhana, Allah says, we're in the fifth tomb shikaka, Albania.

00:21:31--> 00:21:33

And if you fear a

00:21:35--> 00:21:43

breach between the two of them, right as in, like, how long they're going to, it's just going to end up in a divorce, right? Or things are getting really bad.

00:21:44--> 00:22:02

When the system shikaka, they email between the husband wife further as to how can I mean, he will, how can I mean earlier, then seek or appoint two arbitrators or two people from each side of the family, right, from hurt from his family and her family

00:22:04--> 00:22:08

to sort of resolve the matter and help out

00:22:09--> 00:22:10

this couple.

00:22:12--> 00:22:15

And this is, again, another time when I'm going to say

00:22:19--> 00:22:25

that traditionally, and in some other cultures, this may happen, and this might be good.

00:22:26--> 00:22:32

But I don't think for the most part in the society that I live in here, and in the cases that I deal with.

00:22:34--> 00:22:51

This is something that really helps. I feel that usually this is counterproductive. Okay. And someone might say, but how can you say that Allah says to do this? Yes, I understand that. But what if we understand this to mean?

00:22:53--> 00:22:57

That further as to how can I mean anywhere? How can I mean earlier,

00:22:59--> 00:23:18

that someone from each side is appointed, that isn't from the family, let's say this family, and this family says, You know what, I want this Mmm. And that family says, I don't want that. I want this email. So those two emails, for example, are those two counselors, or those two therapists will come together, and will help this couple resolve their issues.

00:23:20--> 00:23:39

But again, not taking away from it. In some cultures, this works. In some places, this works at some times this works. But for the most part, and I think you all can probably just think of it, if your in laws knew things about you who side with a choose your side,

00:23:40--> 00:23:47

or their child side. Alright, so two people that are married, you know, let's just say if the wife

00:23:48--> 00:24:32

certain things that the wife did was known to her husband's family, they would be like, Oh, look, the rights of my son are taken away. And then if she goes to her family and says, Yeah, but he did this and that, and isn't that and then her parents or her family? It'd be like, oh, but he's been doing this to our daughter or our sister, etc, etc. And that's where it just escalates. Now, that's one aspect of it. The other aspect is that when you go to family members, and I hate that this happens, and I dealt with a few cases in the last year, since COVID, has started where this was their problem. And I have to congratulate one couple that I know that this happened to them, where

00:24:32--> 00:24:55

they were like, no, it's done. It's over with and they went to their families. They both were like, you know, the husband and his family, the wife went to her family. And you know, they're just like, Oh, you know, he did this and he did that. And she did this and she did that. And then all of a sudden, because they each went to their family, right? Two people went to their sides of the ring, you could say like a boxing ring.

00:24:57--> 00:24:59

And they told a few other people, maybe mom and dad

00:25:00--> 00:25:37

Mom and Dad now go and tell a few other people and those few people tell a few other people. And that was like family feud. Back and forth, right? It's like serious, massive war happening between these families. And I'm having like uncle calling me yelling about his, you know, how his nephews rights are taken away. And I'm having, you know, grandmother calling me saying, How dare he do that to my granddaughter, and I'm having a mother called me complaining, how dare you know, he do this to my daughter, and, and I had all these people calling me to get into it, it was crazy. for like two weeks, it was just nonstop back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I was like, somehow a

00:25:37--> 00:25:39

lot. Everyone in the family knows.

00:25:41--> 00:26:05

And then I have the two people. And they're like, he's telling all of his family. She's telling all of her family. I'm like, you guys were the ones who didn't listen to my advice. I told them straight. I said, Listen, if this is what you're going to do resolve amongst yourself, if you really want to get divorced, resolve it amongst yourselves, talk it out, come to an agreement, you've been having issues for a number of years.

00:26:06--> 00:26:10

So I found the backdoor trick.

00:26:11--> 00:26:24

And how to let you know, when you deal with people's cases you find, you know, you find ways to make people think of the blessings that Allah Subhana Allah has given to them for, you know, so many years.

00:26:26--> 00:27:02

And I remember getting on the phone with, you know, with the wife, and the wife is like, crying, my reputation is destroyed. This is happening to be How can he do that? You know, really, and some have a lot when you listen to one side. And that's the problem. When you only listen to one side, it makes sense. And you start to side with that person, then when you listen to the other side, like, Hey, wait a second, you know, she was saying this. And that's why I always like to listen to both sides. Because when I hear one thing, I'm like, Yeah, but you remember that you did this, and he did that, and this happened, and so on and so forth. So I'm listening to her. And she's like, you know,

00:27:02--> 00:27:06

he's ruining my reputation. And no, you know, who's gonna who would want to marry me after this?

00:27:09--> 00:27:10

Call with the brother.

00:27:11--> 00:27:12

Mike, listen.

00:27:14--> 00:27:33

Apparently, you're doing this and you're doing that and you're going, he's like, yeah, of course, I'm doing that. Because look at the dude. And he goes on. And he's like, when I told her and, and then she did this. And then that person called that relative called, and this person and that person in another country, and like people back home, people in other countries, distant relatives, and like, Why do all of these people need to be involved?

00:27:34--> 00:27:35

So

00:27:37--> 00:27:38

I got the two,

00:27:42--> 00:27:46

to discuss something. The two people that husband wife.

00:27:48--> 00:28:29

And I spoke to them and I said, Look, you both knew that this was going to happen. And you both didn't listen to the advice that was given to you. And I'm not saying that my advice is perfect. Not at all. But I gave you advice, telling you, Hey, you know what, you've done this before this has happened before. It's gonna happen. But this time, if this is if you're deciding on divorce, and you're both going to split and both gonna go, like, all out and just, you know, let everything out and tell all your family members, everything that happened or tell your family members, everything that happened, and not conceal each person's problems and faults, then this was going to happen. And

00:28:29--> 00:28:35

I always remind people, even if you get divorced, even if husband and wife get divorced,

00:28:36--> 00:29:13

she is still a believer in a loss of pen with Anna if she is she's still a believer in a loss of Henry to add you as a believer in the loss of habitat as the husband, you have to still respect her. You still have to honor her as your Muslim sister brothers like but she's my ex wife doesn't matter. She's a sister in the community. Like if some sister comes into the masjid, right, and he's praying, you're going to show respect to her. If your ex wife comes into the muscle, you're going to see her you know, respect her as well. Another sister in is that you'll move out of the way if you're blocking the way, you know, you'll speak nicely. So everything okay? And vice versa for the wife

00:29:13--> 00:29:15

towards the ex husband, right?

00:29:16--> 00:29:17

And then they're like,

00:29:19--> 00:29:26

but what about this? What about that? So I get the two of them now after everything just goes wild. And they say look,

00:29:27--> 00:29:36

all of what's happening now none of you want to tap in. The husband didn't want this to happen this way. The wife didn't want it to happen that way. But everything just went crazy.

00:29:37--> 00:29:39

He said the only way for the two of you to resolve this

00:29:40--> 00:29:44

is to sit together and discuss and forget about the family saying

00:29:46--> 00:29:52

it happened to happen. It's over with now. Let them say whatever they want to say. You still have your marriage to resolve.

00:29:53--> 00:29:55

Long story short.

00:29:56--> 00:29:57

A couple is together.

00:29:59--> 00:29:59

They got together

00:30:00--> 00:30:17

They discuss they said, Look, I didn't expect this, I didn't want this to happen. And it was not my intention. And that person said this, and this person told someone else to do it. And everything that happened was not my intention, and not the way I wanted it to happen. Okay, I'm sorry. And the other one is like, you know what, same with me, I didn't want it to happen, I'm sorry.

00:30:19--> 00:30:28

Now, of course, it's not just that easy, I'm sorry. And get back together. They had problems for many years. But they're working through the problems, because they realized,

00:30:29--> 00:30:30

in the end,

00:30:31--> 00:30:40

how hard and how difficult it would be to go through that divorce, when you still have loving feelings for each other. And it's like, why are we doing this to each other?

00:30:41--> 00:31:06

I still love him. I want his honor to, you know, be upheld, and so on. And if other people don't respect that, then I'm going to be there to respect it. Well, really, the husband hears that he's like, well, I'll do that for you to bam, the relationship is gone. Right. And so Hello, my brothers and sisters. What I'm saying here, and all of that long, you know, 10 minutes sort of ordeal is

00:31:07--> 00:31:12

sometimes getting family members to try and resolve your issues is, is the problem.

00:31:13--> 00:31:19

Because and the members that are involved, are not going to put a law

00:31:21--> 00:31:26

as their goal to please. So they don't care

00:31:27--> 00:32:07

about lying. They don't care about cheating in their words, or taking away the rights of someone else. They don't care about making up stories. They don't care about slandering others, they don't care about swearing about one another. They don't care about pretending or hiding information and saying, Oh, you know what, they did this, even though they know the backstory and what happened? They don't care. So if someone is not going if the family members are not going to be people who are fearing of a loss of power without his punishment, should they do something wrong, then you will not get that justice? You might, you might, it's very hard to find. And so what are we learning all this

00:32:08--> 00:32:18

put a loss of reward to Hana first, our goal in life is to please the last panel with Anna wallmark 102 Jean Noel

00:32:21--> 00:32:22

Nia,

00:32:24--> 00:33:00

Allah Subhana, which Allah created us to worship Him. Part of worshiping Allah Subhana Allah is doing the things Allah wants from us at times throughout our life, whether it's at the beautiful time of beginning of marriage or getting married and choosing a spouse, or in the beginning phases, the honeymoon phase, or if it's putting a loss of data, you know, first in providing for a spouse or respecting the spouse as well as throughout divorce, when you put a loss of Hanoi to Hana First, you will see that marriages will last long,

00:33:01--> 00:33:13

you will see that children will be more understanding, you will see that parents will be more giving. And what I meant before by prevention is better than the cure.

00:33:15--> 00:33:19

If a husband was constantly educating his wife

00:33:21--> 00:33:36

bringing home the lessons from the drama, and bringing home the lessons from, you know, some halaqa that he attended and you know, sitting down and educating his family and talking to them about the deen praying with his family, you know showing them good things.

00:33:37--> 00:33:40

Especially when I say family, his wife

00:33:41--> 00:33:50

and both of them are increasing in their level of taqwa both of them are coming closer to a loss of habitat. That's important in a marriage. So

00:33:54--> 00:33:57

a point to loss of hanway Jana says right after

00:33:58--> 00:34:04

hakam I mean any any loss of hanway data says you read is

00:34:06--> 00:34:08

15 by

00:34:10--> 00:34:25

a loss penalty is is something really important right? This is exactly what happened to the couple that I was telling you about. He says if they both wish for peace in unity that is if the two of them want goodness peace they want to resolve this

00:34:26--> 00:34:27

you will see the level being

00:34:31--> 00:34:46

awesome handled cannabinoids Allah will pause their reconciliation to happen. In read his law when you are thinking level by level, that's a key component in every single marital dispute. In you read

00:34:48--> 00:34:49

this

00:34:50--> 00:34:51

more fitting

00:34:54--> 00:34:55

in

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

an era demon phobia

00:35:01--> 00:35:35

If the two people want to reconcile that they want goodness, Allah will make it happen. And that is a lesson for us. It's not that Allah will just make it happen, we have to understand that a law is in control to begin with. And so when you work to please a lot throughout any part of your marriage, the fun times the good times the joyous times, you're working towards pleasing Allah Subhana Allah even though you might not be happy, but you're like, I'm gonna have fun for the sake of you know, bringing goodness into my family and I will put barakah in it, it'll happen.

00:35:36--> 00:35:39

It'll happen. So my brothers and sisters,

00:35:40--> 00:35:42

the lesson we are learning tonight is

00:35:44--> 00:35:48

put Allah subhanho wa Taala. first

00:35:49--> 00:36:25

in everything that you do, and that is, well, malocclusion now an incident, everything we do becomes an act of very bad becomes an act of worship. I will not even click like on a post, if I know Allah is not happy with me for doing that. I will not comment to a post if I know a lot is not happy with me commenting on that post. I will not swipe on a screen. If I was not happy with me swiping on that screen. I will not see when you start to focus on pleasing a muscle can with Anna, you'd be like, you know what?

00:36:27--> 00:36:39

She's my wife. What am I arguing with her? He's my husband, why am I treating him this way? You know, she's my wife. Why do I say that to her, and it goes back and forth. But if one person is doing it, the other one isn't.

00:36:41--> 00:36:42

It's not gonna happen.

00:36:43--> 00:36:45

One person will eventually start to feel

00:36:48--> 00:37:03

on their own, all alone. And the other one will be like, they're abandoning me anyway, so I'll abandon them. And then that barrier just gets further and further away. Right? It gets very it gets bigger and bigger and thicker and thicker and more sturdy and strong. Right like the wall of yet.

00:37:05--> 00:37:05

Okay.

00:37:07--> 00:37:16

A couple examples before we conclude, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was told by the prophet by Allah subhanho wa Taala You know, when his wives were talking about him?

00:37:18--> 00:37:28

And he said, Carlos, I'm not going to be intimate with so and so and Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah revealed Yeah, are you under beauty matter how many more?

00:37:31--> 00:37:42

Oh prophets, why do you bend for yourself? that which Allah has made lawful for you seeking to please your wives? So you're doing something for someone else?

00:37:43--> 00:37:58

You're doing something oh Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam trying to please your spouse in a way that Allah has not permitted you to do so? Yeah, you have nebby Lima to have rim.

00:37:59--> 00:38:26

Lima to have him. a hell of Laguna Why are you making something wrong for you that Allah has made ln for you? Are you losing out? And when we think of ourselves? are we losing out in our taqwa? Are we missing some taqwa? Are we missing some connection with Allah? Are we making something wrong for myself that Allah has made a hell for me? Simply because I want to please someone else? Or should I do a lot of hand with Allah wants from me and leave the rest to a lot.

00:38:27--> 00:38:31

And he will make it happen? How will you make it happen in you either.

00:38:36--> 00:38:57

In a burst of the moment, said, If a man makes an oath that his wife is forbidden for him, and this happens, sometimes a husband will say, I am never going to be with you as and I'm never going to be intimate with you. Or I'm never going to share a room with you. Or you know, you're you're my wife, but you're nothing to me. Right. And we'll talk about some of these other examples. Next, we can show a lot of data. But

00:38:58--> 00:39:24

he says, If a man makes an oath that his wife is forbidden from him, it is nothing more than simply an oath that requires expiation. You cannot be in a marriage and forbid yourself from your spouse, right? Or forbid your spouse for yourself. So husband can't say, you know, I'm never going to be with you. You know and take an oath. With regards to that. I've got Canada confused on the law, he was sweating.

00:39:26--> 00:39:59

Okay, indeed, in the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you have an excellent example. That when he heard of the reminder from Allah, some kind of way to add a, he knew right away and doing something wrong and I'm going to do what's right. And that goes the same for us as well. A husband cannot say in a marriage because it doesn't exist in a marriage, where you're how long for me? How, how can you make something hot on the left behind without it has made for you highlighted for you, okay, so, it is nothing more than simply an expiation or a

00:40:00--> 00:40:09

Sorry, what's needed from him is an explanation from that oath that he took. And what do we see as that last analytic ad it says

00:40:10--> 00:40:17

Murphy's Law will be lovely for you. Amen. Kamala, can you actually look at the matter to me, amen cafaro to what you're beyond what I shot, it must

00:40:19--> 00:40:21

mean that the setTimeout nickel

00:40:22--> 00:41:03

Okay, what the hell, you're familiar with LSD, a Yemen that he can follow to a medical either left to Allah Subhana which Allah shows us what we need to do if we take an oath and break it. And of course, a husband who says, I'm never gonna, you know, be intimate with you, you have to break that oath, because you cannot be married and have this oath, it goes against the essence of being married, right? Basketball so paddleboats Allah to make it easy for us to be happy in our marriages, and to put Baraka and fade in our relationship with our spouse.

00:41:04--> 00:41:10

We simply make a note of where we are ending for today and we'll open it up for some questions and trauma.

00:41:15--> 00:41:18

But I need to finish within 10 minutes because I have a meeting at nine o'clock

00:41:23--> 00:41:28

so if anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask them now. Michelle long

00:41:36--> 00:41:38

no questions. I know some of you are typing.

00:41:40--> 00:41:41

Hopefully that

00:41:42--> 00:41:46

hopefully you don't give me those questions that are difficult

00:41:47--> 00:41:51

to come in what Yeah, come on artists. Like

00:41:58--> 00:42:01

anyone has any questions write in the comment section.

00:42:08--> 00:42:11

If anyone has no questions, then feel free to

00:42:14--> 00:42:16

enjoy the rest of your evening with your family inshallah.

00:42:20--> 00:43:04

Alright, seems like no one has any questions. I'm just gonna love it and for attending about a local pecan. Now awesome panel with Allah bless every single one of you, with the best of this dunya in the best of the hereafter. Put higher and Baraka in your lives in your sleep in your relationship with your spouse, may Allah subhanho wa Taala increase us in understanding of this Deen and make it easy for us to put our goal in front of us as Allah subhana wa tada had the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And to work from there, does that come a little heightened or some a lot of sentiment about account at the end of Homer do it yourself, sending them or send them or any column

00:43:04--> 00:43:05

what I would like you about a couch