Hangout 01 – Yusha Evans – Friends

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aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. This is brother Bono, Mohammed coming at you with another episode of hangout where we literally hang out. And we have another guests with us here today. As always, we bring two very interesting scholars and speakers and dropped and teachers that have an interesting message and thoughts that we can share here live on the shelf Hangout, and Today we have with us whether you should Evan Sonic, my house, everything hamdulillah we're actually in Kenya right now, I know, you can't really tell. But we there's kind of like a jungle ish background happening here. So but we are in the middle of Africa here would have to do that. We're here for the

journey of faith conference. And we were actually just chatting a little bit before we actually started rolling about the role of friends. I know that for myself, specifically. You know, when I was coming into Dean, I had a lot of people that were good influences and bad influence on me, you know, and these kind of polar opposites sometimes can play a lot of our young people, you know, a lot of young Muslims out there. They're influenced by their friends, perhaps more than their mom or more than their parents or more than people in their lives. Can you talk a little bit about that concept of friendship and how important it is to have good friends and Dean? Well, more than it just

being logical.

They're actually a good grounding basis in Islam for having good companions, good friends, the prophet alayhi salaatu wa sallam, he said that you are the Dean of your companion, whoever you're friends with this way, your dean this you know, I mean, so you have to have to understand that friendship basis. lammer are quite important. I mean, even when the Prophet les Serato Sam Mahendra, along with the all of the companions to Medina, one of his first order of business, it was to establish the bonds of brotherhood between Muslims, between the Maha God and the answer. So this shows us that having that close companion, having someone you can rely on having someone that you

can trust in having someone you can take advice from and vice versa. Is is quite important in our Deen, as well as it being logical that you know who you hang out with us. Birds of a feather flock together, as they say, I mean, we see this in the streets, right, you know, the thugs hang out with, you know, you don't see the thugs hanging out on the college campuses with the student, you know, I mean, yeah, it's just the way it works. So you gotta be careful of who you choose to be your friend. There's a lot of people that are kind of conflicted, like for so many young people out there, perhaps you've had friends that you've had for a very long time, you know, maybe there's somebody

you grew up with, and somebody who's kind of been with you through so many things, you know, thick and thin. But But you've started to progress, you started to, you know, try and become a better person, you started to try and come closer to those panels. But sometimes we feel as though the people that we were with, you know, we want to we don't want to leave them hanging? Yes. And we don't want to leave them behind. What would you do in that circumstance? Like when that scenario, how would you advise a young person that maybe has some negative, quote unquote, negative friends, but wants to move on and become a better person?

Well, there's no hard and fast rule of thumb when it comes to that, you know, I mean, this is a very fluid type of situation, it depends on the individual. For instance, if this person's trying to come on to D Now, and they're struggling with it, you know, I mean, it's not, it's not something that is just coming easy, then they're kind of struggling. And this will be the type of person I would say, look, maybe you need to take a vacation from these guys, you know, I mean, if you've been with them all your life, they're going to be there, they're not going anywhere. So you might need to take a step back, put yourself around better people who are going to influence you to do the right thing.

We're going to help you progress, then maybe when you become strong enough to go back and help these guys, because one thing I do know, you can't help someone when you're not helping yourself. This is just reality. You can't give someone else something you don't yourself possess. So if you haven't come on to Dean yet and strong and, and have good morals and manners and etiquette, his habits yet, how are you going to influence somebody else to do that, especially somebody else who you've known all your life, they got an influence on you, the peer pressure is there. So it might be a time to step back, you might have some people that are on the deed, they're secure, they're strong, you

know, they've come out of the junior life and they still have friends that they've known for a very long time. And those people might not influence them. And those people might be okay with them. They might know that okay, this guy doesn't go out and drink anymore, doesn't party doesn't do all these things, right? I'm cool with that we hang out in this other space. And therefore, you might be able to influence this individual, then I will say okay, maybe you can continue to spend time with this person. So it really everybody has to know their own selves, they have to know whether they are ready to be in a negatively influenced environment and connected environment. So what are some of

the characteristics of a good friend, you know, for those people who that maybe are not quite sure, like, is this actually a good person or a bad person to be around? What would you say are some of the telltale signs of somebody who's a good friend versus someone who's a bad friend, Prophet Lisa to Sam gave us a perfect example of that. He said, The good companion is like the seller of musk.

Meaning if you go to the sellers of musk or the sellers or to you either going to buy something good to

take home where you're gonna leave smelling good because electron everything right? So no matter what happens in that transaction, there's benefits, there's benefit in that transaction, right? So you have to ask yourself, Is there benefit? real real you have to be honest, this is this is one thing that a lot of the youth don't understand is they can't be real with themselves talking about keeping it real. But the first person you need to be real with is you. Am I benefiting from time with this individual? Am I benefiting? If you are benefiting genuinely from your time with this individual, for doing your work in this life, and in the next, then Okay, this will be a good friend

will be a good companion. on the reverse side, the prophet alayhi salatu wa sallam said that the bad companions like the blacksmith, that when you go into a traditional blacksmith shop, they're pounding metal smokes flying everywhere, sparks flying everywhere, he said, You're either going to get burned, or you're going to leave with your clothes smelling. So there's no benefit, there is detriment to this relationship. So you have to ask yourself, Is this relationship with this individual the time that I spend with him? Do I leave benefited? Or do I leave feeling, you know, bad detriment that our conscious speaks a lot, you know, that that inner, that inner part of our

soul that that has a compass between right and wrong that Allah subhana wa Taala gave us that Fedora. You know, leaving this companionship, whether it was a good or bad thing. So this is different than a good friend, a bad friend, do they benefit you? Or are they doing you more harm than they are doing good? balance? Okay, so let me Let's take some practical examples. For instance, maybe you have a friend who doesn't pray, okay, they don't necessarily stop you from praying. Yeah, but they're just not a person that you know, regularly prays, but I mean, is this still a person that you could, you know, have that companionship with,

I would say companionship is a different word, you can have friends that you consider acquaintances, you know, somebody that I that I know that I that I deal with, that we spend a little bit of time together. A companion, is someone who you would put your trust in someone whom you would ask advice from someone whom you would go to in times of hardship or need a shoulder to lean on. If there's a person who's not praying, their connection with the loss of Hannah winter is non existent, I don't really know how much of I can consider this a companion, you understand what I'm saying? I don't really think that there would be benefit in this type of relationship. Unless this is now on a stage

where you're strong enough to now spend time with this person to encourage them and influenced them to come to where you're at. Because one thing about friendship, it's it's going one way or the other, either you're pulling them, or they're pulling you somebody is influencing somebody, right? So maybe you have to look at it that way, if I'm influencing this individual time spent with them might be beneficial. But if they're influencing you, I would say this is probably not someone you want to take as a companion, right. So what would be an example of like a bad friend? How do you tell telltale sign? You know, we talked about a little bit that characteristics of a good friend,

what would be you know, a telltale sign that this person is a negative influence? I should not be around this person. If they're asked yourself, how do you feel after you after your time with this person? Is your Eman increased? Or is it decreased if is decreased in it, and you start feeling yourself being drawn back towards those bad habits used to be in two and negative things and you don't remember our last panel with Anna as much and things of this nature. This is a bad friend is a bad companion. This is not someone you want to be spending time with, the influence is too negative. Because one thing we do know for sure that bad habits are easy to pick up. No matter how long you've

been away from them. You understand, it's so easy just to pick them right back up. So if you feel yourself going back down the road, this is probably a sign of a negative companionship and negative friendship. Are you feeling like you've been drained out? Because I've had those experiences where I have people I've known from my past, I've spent time with him afterwards, you just feel drained. You know, your man feels sucked out. You feel like you've been spending time with shut down all day long, right? You know, so you have to ask yourself this type of scenario or why you would this person think what are we doing? Are we doing anything now? together as friends that I would say, on

the day of judgment, I'll be okay that I spent this time together when I find this page in my book on this day, would I be okay, doing this? Right? If you can, if you can say yes. This is about influence. Okay, here's, here's an interesting question. And there's a lot of people out there that that feel like you know, they can have friends of the opposite gender. Okay, so guys feel like you know, it's no problem. She's just a friend. She's just somebody from school. She's just somebody giving data to everybody as well. That type of doll right? Yeah. What about this idea of having friends of the opposite gender? Can this actually exist? Can men and women be friends?

This is gonna get us a lot of flack. This is the timeless question the hot button issue right here.

When you want to get realistic men know that being friends with a woman always comes with a level of intimacy. Regardless, regardless of the scenario or like artists or the circumstance. Men and women are like magnets.

So you put them together, the stronger the force to put them to make them touch and stick together becomes it's just reality. We're like magnets like that. The closer you get, the more things are going to happen. can't count how many scenarios and how many movies hollywood has put about, about the friends who then become you know, more than friends and things of that nature. It's, it's just the reality. And even if, let's say there is that exception to the rule, there's that guy or that girl out there that can be around a guy and another girl and they can be okay. That exception to the rule is a drop in the pond is a drop in the pond. It's playing with fire. You understand? I'm

saying, and we all know what happens when you play with fire, you're gonna get at some point you're gonna get burned. This is why Allah subhanho wa Taala says, What? Xena, who kinda was Vila, don't even go close to it. Don't even don't even play around in that street. Understand I'm saying this street here, just stay away from it. Because it is an evil thing that leads to an evil road. And who knows better the construct of the human being than the creator Allah subhanho wa Taala us men are designed to have an innate deep seated attraction to women. It's what keeps the human race going. You understand? Right? It's just it's just reality. Men are normally logical human beings. Normally,

this is we're known as logical when it comes to women. That logic is just thrown out the door thrown out the door, we we don't have our logic anymore. And this is just reality men know this if they wanted to be real with themselves. And and sisters need to understand sisters might be more able to have a male friend, right? You know, and say, Oh, he's just my friend. Yeah, but you don't know what's on the other side of the coin, you need to understand how we are in our, in our deepest nature, being friends with between the opposite genders, is playing with fire. And it's never, never, never something that I've seen, be beneficial.

And there's also the Hadeeth of progress on them. He said that, you know, when an unmarried man and woman are together, the third party is a ship on Yeah, right. But I know for a lot of people, they still feel as though, you know, they can handle it, not just they can handle it. Yes. But working in different environments, like, you know, being part of an MSA or being a part of a work environment or being a part of, you know, you have school you have colleagues you have you have people you have to deal with, to what level can you have this kind of friends, it's another thing we're not saying, look, you know, I mean, you can't talk to a woman, or I mean, we walk around with our heads down and

women normally under watch it, you know, I mean, this is just so bit unrealistic. Especially in a world with a population that we see now. Women are outnumbering men, you know, I mean, and it's going to ever increase, right? You're gonna have to deal with the sisters at some point, you're gonna have to deal with a woman at some point on your job, or your school, you're gonna have to deal with it. But that's where Allah Subhana Allah has made rules and regulations, this Deen is command meaning perfect, it's complete, it has everything in it, that Allah subhanho wa Taala says, when you're dealing with a woman, lower your gaze, you know, guard your modesty, things of this nature,

the sister should be the same way she should, guarding herself, she should be protecting herself in intimate relationships, they should be a thing we have, I have to work on a school project. With it with a woman, my teacher has said you do have to work together. No problem, we have to work on this paper together. Let's do it in the public library. There's a lot of people around, you know, let's let's invite some other people, you know, so that there's witness to this whole transaction was going on and things of that nature, find ways to safeguard yourself. That's that's what Islam is all about. Islam is not about just forbidding interaction between men and women. Makes no sense. It's

about protecting those interactions between men and women. So that the things that happen that are supposed to happen between a husband or wife happen in that, that guarded realm of marriage, right? Because everything outside of it we know is haram. Right? So you have to protect yourself from that. But it's not saying that you can deal with a woman you have to deal with them. Here's another question a lot of young people ask, and I've been asked this before, you know, you have friends and colleagues, like I said, even non Muslim, you know, in school and work and all these different environments that we're in, can you take a non Muslim as a friend? Is that something that is

permissible for you to do as a Muslim and Islam? Again, it's it all goes back to the definition. Friends, whose friend mean, you know, Allah Subhana, Allah says not to take them as Leah. This is quite clear. I only I mean someone that you depend on. Do you trust that is protecting you that you would, you know, confide in and things of that nature? for this? You know, this is problematic, you know, because it's, it's when the Muslim and non Muslim interact?

what's supposed to be transpiring through that relationship? Is that is that what this is the reality? If a Muslim were to say that I've been friends with this non Muslim for 10 years, my response will be like, well, there's something something's wrong here. What's happened? We've been friends with this guy for 10 years. You have the truth from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Anna, you haven't convinced him of that yet. And if you had been trying, he would have stayed for 10 years. You understand? This was gonna happen either. He's gonna get tired of hearing

all this nonsense and leave you or is going to come a Muslim, you know. So this, this also needs to be understood in its context that I can say I have people who are my acquaintances that, that we know each other that we've spent time with each other, you might even know my kids, I might know his kids, etc, so on and so forth. But what I call him a friend,

I would call him someone that is a potential new Muslim, for me, a potential person who can bring me either in, in the hereafter because I'm giving him the doubt, right, and he's either gonna accept it, or he's gonna end up running away, because I'm not giving up, you know, this needs to be added the attitude, if this was the attitude of the Muslims, our relationship with non Muslims would be quite different. They would know much more about Islam, even though they didn't accept Islam, they, they would be well informed about what Islam is, or that we'd have a lot more

new Muslims in Islam that came to Islam through the efforts of a Muslim, not just because they saw, you know, craziness in the news, and then went and found a book themselves and law guided them. So you know, it's one of those types of relationships. Yeah, you can have Muslim non Muslims that were supposed to interact with them. It can't be aloof from them. The Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam didn't get his companions, they look, you know, we're gonna go live in the mountains, because non Muslims here, you know, can interact with them. The Prophet made peace treaties with non Muslims, Jews, Christians. He even made peace treaties with the Muslim keen, you know, and things of that

nature. He dealt with them, he interacted with him, he did business with them, he had loans from them. So yeah, he did things with him that you can maybe consider that he knew them well enough to consider a friend. But at the same time, we know the Prophet alayhi salatu. Salam was always in the mode of trying to bring people to Islam, whether through his mannerisms or his direct confrontations with him. So you have to ask yourself, what kind of relationship is this? Is this a relationship? Will we just hang out for the sake of hanging out? Or am I trying to accomplish something in this relationship?

Just out of curiosity, Was there anyone you know, in your growth in your journey towards Islam? That was like a good friend, somebody who stood out as somebody that was that support system for you at a time when maybe you didn't have you know, many Muslim friends and companions around you? Yeah. And I've told this story before in some of my talks, when I first moved down to Florida, I'd only been a Muslim short period of time. And I had a construction job. And I'd moved there. I didn't know anybody. No one.

I'd only been to the masjid once met a couple people but didn't know anybody really. And I had gotten a construction job in Florida in the summer, burning hot, you know, but some you got to work. You have to, you know, you have to provide for yourself. So I was working in in First Friday came and I told the boss, you know that look, I'm going to take a little bit longer lunch today, I'll stay an hour extra, no problem, but I have to go to Friday prayers. He basically told me it's not going to happen. I mean, you're not going it's a Friday, you don't walk off the workplace. Long story short, he said if you leave, you're fired.

You know, Allah Subhana. Allah, Allah has already told me, you know, when the call is made for Juma, he leaves off business and trade this is this is a done deal is a no brainer. So I left now have no job. Don't you know, don't know what I'm going to do next. Don't know where the next income is going to come how I'm going to live. So I went to the masjid, on the way to the national made dua to Allah you know that y'all, you know, y'all rose up, you're the one who provide so I'm obeying you. So you know, I was putting putting it basically forward to another look, here's your chance to put up the end of the bargain. I've done my half. Let's go. So I went to Jamaica. And after I was leaving,

there's a young man I'd met before he came and asked me that I have a job. You know, I said it well had one as of this morning, and don't have one now. And he went and got his father, who was a very old well respected man from Philistine had owned a very, very well established pizza shop on the beach, mind you.

And he came in said, Well, my dad needs somebody to work at the shop, his father came, talk to me,

gave me a job doubled the salary that I was making. That morning, I was making double by the day. And I ended up spending about four years working at his pizza shop, and probably learning a great great deal about not only Islam, but etiquette and manners. He was the most one of the most well mannered and beautiful individuals. Someone actually just tweeted me yesterday that I didn't that I know only on Twitter, he actually went to St. Augustine went to that pizza shop and was just tweeting me about how beautiful this man was that he was crying in his pizza shop. Because of the etiquettes and the other boat this man. So yeah, you know, it's I've had those influences if it

weren't for people coming into my life at the right place at the right time. I wouldn't be here today, doing what I'm doing right now. It's those people who everybody asked me how did you get to do what you do now traveling the globe giving lectures because a lot of place the right people in my life the right time.

It's reality. And so for those people who maybe you know, are looking for that influence, what would you suggest?

Like, how does somebody find a great friend like that?

Because a lot of dog maybe, or Dora's gonna be number one. But secondly, try to look for the brother who when you see him or the sister when you see her, she reminds you of Los Angeles. So it's a good test right there. There are people that I know like that. I can name 10 people off top of my mind right now. That even just remembering them reminds me of a loss of Hannah hall with an there's a beautiful chef that I'm studying with a Minneapolis chef what he did, he's, he's that man for me now, that when I see him,

I can't help but you know,

when I see this man, you know, so these are the type of people that you try to look for people that when you see them, they remind you of Allah subhanho wa Taala they have a smile on their face. They're positive about life. They have Deen, they're living their lives. These are the type of people that you look for. In sha Allah, Allah, Allah grant us the best of companionships in this life and in the next amazonica for joining us, he bought a coffee. Exactly lucky for everybody watching and hopefully you'll stay tuned for another episode of hangout where we hang out with great people all the time bought a coffee for watching Zack Lochhead. Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi

wabarakatuh