Problems Facing Muslim Women Part 1

Bilal Philips

Channel: Bilal Philips

Topics: Women

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:00

So we're

00:00:02--> 00:00:02

looking

00:00:06--> 00:00:07

at level

00:00:18--> 00:00:18

three

00:00:20--> 00:00:21

Mohammed

00:00:24--> 00:00:26

yeah you have

00:00:28--> 00:00:29

to call

00:00:31--> 00:00:32

in

00:00:35--> 00:00:36

yeah

00:00:42--> 00:00:43

was gonna come in

00:00:44--> 00:00:45

Quebec Domingo

00:00:51--> 00:00:54

de la Vivi one hour

00:01:00--> 00:01:01

you ready

00:01:03--> 00:01:03

all

00:01:04--> 00:01:05

the

00:01:07--> 00:01:09

time while you're

00:01:11--> 00:01:12

warming up

00:01:18--> 00:01:21

in Hadith kitayama

00:01:24--> 00:01:26

Mohammed bin Salman,

00:01:30--> 00:01:36

to her workers, that person did that worker died in bola.

00:01:43--> 00:01:44

We loved him.

00:01:45--> 00:01:53

And him we seek forgiveness and repeat the memories of a law from the Minister of news without food and the wrongdoings of all my actions

00:01:55--> 00:02:10

can lead them astray and allow leads to be led astray. No one can guide him. And I bear witness that there's nothing worthy of worship as a dap, except the law is alone yet my partner and I bear witness that Mohammed is a slave and His Messenger.

00:02:12--> 00:02:19

Surely the best teach is the book of Allah. And the best guidance is the goddess of Mohammed. And

00:02:20--> 00:02:39

our newly invented matters. From every newly invented matter is an innovation. As opposed innovation is going through an MBA we'll leave that one, that individual, that practitioner of that innovation directly to the hair salon rather than referencing them.

00:02:43--> 00:02:54

After taking a loss of Hello, Darla and some new salutations on this topic, from the lottery, we'll send them as in Thank you very typical method of

00:02:55--> 00:03:00

allowing me to come about these issues.

00:03:01--> 00:03:01

today.

00:03:05--> 00:03:12

I've got Abdullah mentioned in this particular series, is a very anomalous relation, timely issue,

00:03:14--> 00:03:22

which is problem facing women and courses as he mentioned, and women, right. And, of course, I'm not

00:03:24--> 00:03:34

a new individual regarding this type of talk. You've had these talks on the subject, probably countless times in front of you. So

00:03:36--> 00:03:47

I'm just following up on the people who have in this area and abroad who have come to deliver the same message that this particular issue as women's rights.

00:03:49--> 00:03:54

And as important problem facing women, is so important.

00:03:55--> 00:03:57

It's so important

00:03:58--> 00:04:01

that I am in a state of bewilderment

00:04:02--> 00:04:03

to not be

00:04:07--> 00:04:25

in the speaker's humble opinion, that I'd be the one who's standing in front of you, who has said on many occasions before this, and I will continue to say it again, that I am not an island. I'm not a scholar on any level.

00:04:27--> 00:04:29

But a my humble opinion

00:04:32--> 00:04:34

on my way here from New Jersey,

00:04:35--> 00:04:44

which is my habit not to prepare a speech until maybe an hour before I did this, but trying to figure out employing and invoking a lot of guidance.

00:04:45--> 00:04:48

What actually are the problems facing me?

00:04:50--> 00:04:55

Probably, we could write a book called problem facing women that will be

00:04:56--> 00:04:59

contained for many, many pages.

00:05:01--> 00:05:10

Humble estimation and opinions. I believe that the problems facing women in Islam come from two main forms.

00:05:12--> 00:05:22

And only two. And I want to begin with a lot of high level data, and the Office of the law firm began.

00:05:23--> 00:05:27

And as a scholar with a slam explained to us from the principles of Whole Foods,

00:05:29--> 00:05:31

I want to begin in order of priority.

00:05:33--> 00:05:51

In my humble estimation, once again in opinion, I believe that the problems facing women in Islam are true. And I'm going to begin with the one that I think has most priority. Those two things in the speaker's opinion, our job

00:05:53--> 00:05:56

and the point of the woman, which is ignorant.

00:05:57--> 00:06:00

And number two, the husband

00:06:01--> 00:06:09

those two things are the problems facing the women in Islam. Number one, ignorance of the woman

00:06:10--> 00:06:13

he is used as the de

00:06:15--> 00:06:26

number two, the husband that she's married to, in my humble estimation, these are the two biggest problems and all the problems stem from the future.

00:06:28--> 00:06:31

And maybe in questions and answers, maybe some others can refute me

00:06:33--> 00:06:35

because I don't have to be correct.

00:06:37--> 00:06:37

The

00:06:40--> 00:06:42

problem with ignorance.

00:06:43--> 00:06:45

In general I closed the Muslim Ummah,

00:06:47--> 00:06:53

is clearly the Muslim ummah. From the beginning of this oma and the time of the Prophet from Omar,

00:06:54--> 00:07:07

ro, ignorance wasn't in an abundance as it is today in the home of Prophet Mohammed, so a lot of them, because for the most part, even the most unmanageable companions

00:07:08--> 00:07:11

is more knowledgeable than the most knowledgeable of,

00:07:13--> 00:07:26

quote unquote, the most ignorant of companions of the messenger Allah, undoubtedly, is more knowledgeable than the scholars, the top scholars living today. I personally have no doubt in this.

00:07:28--> 00:07:31

But in our time, fill in the aroma of Mohammed.

00:07:34--> 00:07:38

Ignorance has taken an all time high.

00:07:41--> 00:07:42

And time.

00:07:44--> 00:07:47

And the poor, as I have mentioned in other speeches and lectures before,

00:07:49--> 00:07:50

one of the proofs of this

00:07:51--> 00:07:54

is that the Muslims don't know for things.

00:07:55--> 00:08:31

We don't know them. We don't understand them. We can even just the gap between them, nor do we implement them in our lives. And that is the average Muslim today, whether they live in Burma, whether they live in Sydney, Australia, whether they live in Canada wasn't in live in Senegal, whether they live in Arabia, the average Muslim does not understand four things, nor do they have knowledge of it or practices. That is the literal difference between a Toshi and

00:08:33--> 00:08:45

coheed. And sure, a lie Lavina swear by lava grace. In my humble estimation, the average Muslim does not know the difference between cohesion.

00:08:48--> 00:08:49

Number two

00:08:51--> 00:08:52

is lamb and

00:08:55--> 00:09:02

lamb and copper, and a clear indication of this. We talked about the rights of women and the problems of women

00:09:03--> 00:09:08

in specific, but in general, I believe that these things need to be mentioned as a preface.

00:09:10--> 00:09:23

The Muslims do not know the difference between Islam and copper. And one clear indication of this individuals among the Mohammed saying that Jews and Christians are going to be in heaven.

00:09:25--> 00:09:36

Jews and Christians are going to be in paradise. This is a clear indication that we don't know the difference between Islam and crypto. So essentially,

00:09:37--> 00:09:38

the third

00:09:39--> 00:09:44

is the difference between a sonet and l da.

00:09:45--> 00:09:48

We don't know the difference between some that ended up

00:09:50--> 00:10:00

and when we look at the bad debt of the average Muslim in the world, one fourth of the total population. You see, leave them

00:10:00--> 00:10:15

Muslim, practicing all types of things that are foreign to Islam, that the Messenger of Allah, nor has the harbor ever perform things that never ever were performed. And we do them with happiness

00:10:16--> 00:10:17

angley.

00:10:19--> 00:10:26

And the final one before, in the speaker's humble estimation, is the difference between

00:10:27--> 00:10:28

an alpha,

00:10:31--> 00:10:33

alpha and alpha

00:10:36--> 00:10:37

to the Muslim,

00:10:38--> 00:10:42

and this abandonment and disloyalty to the cospar.

00:10:44--> 00:11:08

And the reason why we don't know this is because we don't know the first two the difference between cohesion and Islam and copper. So how are we going to know how to be loyal to the Muslim and just about the coupon. And a clear, clear cut indication of that is the allowance of the so called multinational forces into Saudi Arabia, to fight and kill Muslims.

00:11:09--> 00:11:17

clear indication that we don't know about where people can look them, and this loyalty and digital government to the kofod.

00:11:20--> 00:11:29

So now, when we are not size, this issue, these four things, we hold it in to the problem facing women.

00:11:30--> 00:11:39

We find once again in general men and women don't know this. I'm familiar with these things, we find that the woman know even less,

00:11:41--> 00:11:43

which is directly related to her husband.

00:11:45--> 00:11:48

Which is the second problem of the Muslim women in Islam.

00:11:49--> 00:12:06

I repeat, he or she herself is ignorant of her Deen. What are the can of Salah what are the XM of hadith of linseed? What are the shampoo, the conditioner, the otter can and the principal.

00:12:08--> 00:12:16

There are a bad debt pertaining to having a child or suckling of a child. What are her duties

00:12:17--> 00:12:19

and responsibilities calling her husband?

00:12:21--> 00:12:27

And what is the difference between a light and an obligation in the first place, which is usually confused.

00:12:29--> 00:12:38

In addition to this, it is the oppressor the husband wants to keep her ignorant, so you can continue to oppress them.

00:12:41--> 00:12:44

And this is why when I happen to love God, I'm

00:12:46--> 00:12:49

the grandson of our beloved prophet from the law. It was

00:12:50--> 00:12:55

one of the leaders, one of the two leaders of the youth in Jannah.

00:12:57--> 00:13:01

A which inshallah we can elaborate on when we talk about teenagers in this lab.

00:13:02--> 00:13:09

When the Prophet ra Cypress Alam was visited by an angel who bought him revelation

00:13:10--> 00:13:33

while he was sitting next to the Prophet of Allah, which is an additional proof that the Brito wasn't the only able to bring revelation while sitting with the messenger of a lot gibreel an angel defended the Prophet raised his hand and heard the sound of a door opening and he said that our door is opening now that has never been opened before a door of heaven.

00:13:34--> 00:13:43

And an angel is descending that has never descended before this day. And he broke the glass siding thing to the Messenger of Allah.

00:13:44--> 00:13:48

Yeah, Pula LA. Glad tidings I bring you guys

00:13:49--> 00:13:50

are one

00:13:51--> 00:14:08

of many things that are mentioned in the Hadith. But the crux the highlighted part is, is that happened and the same are the leaders of the Shabaab in general, the leaders of the youth engine have been regular on who was visited by a man who said I have a daughter

00:14:09--> 00:14:11

What do you think I should marry her to

00:14:13--> 00:14:17

happen happened in such a manner to the one who was of African descent?

00:14:18--> 00:14:22

have been rather moron who then say to the one who is rich,

00:14:23--> 00:14:32

happen rather low I'm losing say now to the one who is very fluent and prolific in the political arena.

00:14:34--> 00:14:38

He doesn't say math is the one who is super fine like Denzel Washington.

00:14:40--> 00:14:43

He said, to the one who has

00:14:45--> 00:14:46

a one who has

00:14:49--> 00:14:55

extreme fear and cons of a law, the one who wants to stay away from the things that are prohibited

00:14:57--> 00:14:59

per se has taqwa

00:15:01--> 00:15:03

He loves her, he will honor her.

00:15:05--> 00:15:09

And he doesn't love her. He'll never oppress her and abusers

00:15:12--> 00:15:23

marry her to the one who has coupler for atheist taqwa and he loves her, he will always honor her. And if he has taqwa, and he doesn't love her, which means we don't have to match the love.

00:15:25--> 00:15:29

He will never ever abuse our oppressor.

00:15:32--> 00:15:35

So, the problem facing women number one,

00:15:36--> 00:15:38

is, number one

00:15:41--> 00:15:42

ignorant of wording?

00:15:44--> 00:15:46

And what are the limits of ignorance?

00:15:48--> 00:15:51

Some people say, Well, I didn't know.

00:15:52--> 00:16:11

I didn't know. Whatever comes after I didn't know. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know. So I'm not held responsible. Some Muslims. And remember what I mean, look up I mean, look was in general, but specifically women, because we're talking about problems with women in Islam, and specifically the first cause

00:16:12--> 00:16:13

is ignorant.

00:16:14--> 00:16:18

Some Muslim go to the point I've heard sisters and brothers

00:16:19--> 00:16:20

in

00:16:21--> 00:16:29

the Pacific given women. I've heard some sisters say with my own ears, I've heard them say, Don't tell me brother. I don't want to know I won't be responsible.

00:16:30--> 00:16:34

Don't tell me. I'll be responsible. This is real.

00:16:35--> 00:16:39

This is great. A government Inspector 14 caretaker.

00:16:41--> 00:16:58

Why don't you want to know what's your responsibility for the law? Why don't you want to know what are the conditions? What are the principles of your being, so that you can use them and implement them to allow yourself to be admitted into the balance of a loss of control? And

00:16:59--> 00:17:00

so when we

00:17:03--> 00:17:06

look at the problems facing themselves in a plan,

00:17:07--> 00:17:14

first thing you need to look at system is how much do you know about God?

00:17:16--> 00:17:26

Because one of the principles of actions in this lab is that you should not implement anything in between until you have knowledge of it.

00:17:28--> 00:17:41

You don't make any performance of any act until you have Madiba knowledge of that action. You don't step into an area unless you know about it.

00:17:43--> 00:17:45

poignant statement on the

00:17:48--> 00:17:51

rush in where angels desert trip.

00:17:53--> 00:17:56

Of course, we don't use this, but I'm only claiming that plead

00:18:01--> 00:18:10

the fifth, all belief systems in Islam are the best of commodities, because the whole dunya is a commodity, as the Prophet said,

00:18:13--> 00:18:13

he had

00:18:17--> 00:18:27

to follow that is all dunya is a commodity of goods. And the best of the commodities of this dunya is a virtuous woman.

00:18:29--> 00:18:40

So we are sisters in Islam, we should look at what are the responsibilities on me as an individual

00:18:41--> 00:18:47

towards my Lord, firstly, what am I supposed to know because the law says one man will

00:18:49--> 00:19:14

have not at the gym can no man can except that they should worship me. So now that we know what the reason why we created as a woman, you should look at Firstly, a law created me to worship Him. Now that means if I want to effectuate appropriately, the worship of Allah which is the reason why I'm on this planet for a short time, I should find out exactly what I'm supposed to do.

00:19:18--> 00:19:19

Which was part and parcel of their problem.

00:19:20--> 00:19:23

They married brothers don't know anything about

00:19:25--> 00:19:40

some systems select the one he was they really shouldn't be selecting while he they should be going through the man. They select the wall he or walking in a garden because that while he or that Guardian is a friend of the man they like

00:19:42--> 00:19:43

and then it backfires on you.

00:19:45--> 00:19:51

Because brothers are always going to act one way around you and then another way around the brothers.

00:19:52--> 00:19:56

That's the nature of human being and when a man wants you to do it, believe me.

00:19:59--> 00:19:59

Some systems

00:20:02--> 00:20:02

are aware

00:20:04--> 00:20:15

of the differences between rights and obligations, whether right? Or right is something that you have the moral or ethical, right to, you have the right to this

00:20:16--> 00:20:18

is something that is a claim of yours.

00:20:19--> 00:20:24

obligations, in simple terms, is the opposite of

00:20:25--> 00:20:36

if you have a right over me as that as an obligation on you. And if you have an obligation on me, I have that as that right, that obligation on you.

00:20:38--> 00:20:39

For the sisters that have left,

00:20:41--> 00:20:57

one of the main problems they have. And we also have it because of our wives, and our mothers and our sisters and our daughters are ignorant. And this is going to have a great impact on the oma and it's going to have an impact on the individual is almost what a male species and that

00:20:59--> 00:21:16

the sisters in Islam should try them with all their level best to learn as much as they can, firstly about their Lord, who is alone? What is alone is alone is not what our law is not where our law is not.

00:21:17--> 00:21:21

He is a primary pieces of information that we should know.

00:21:22--> 00:21:31

Who is our Prophet? What is his position in Islam? What is the position of the Quran and Hadees in Islam, these are things that we should notice.

00:21:33--> 00:21:35

And if we learn these things properly,

00:21:36--> 00:21:38

then the next part of our problem

00:21:40--> 00:21:47

which is the husband, who is being a person, or the husband, who's being a slave master,

00:21:48--> 00:21:51

will be done away with inshallah, second pot.

00:21:53--> 00:21:54

And I hope the brother

00:21:55--> 00:21:59

is moved closer to the podium.

00:22:01--> 00:22:10

This is a big problem, brother. I'm talking to the system indirectly now and talking to the brothers and whoever hears these tapes from now and go yo piano.

00:22:13--> 00:22:15

Allahu Allah

00:22:17--> 00:22:21

has inspired our beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:22:22--> 00:22:24

to say, to the most

00:22:27--> 00:22:28

liberal, I don't

00:22:29--> 00:22:31

seek knowledge.

00:22:33--> 00:22:34

seek knowledge.

00:22:38--> 00:22:43

Only Muslim, and the acquisition of knowledge is a duty on every Muslim

00:22:45--> 00:23:00

as the brothers without Of course, any dialogue, until questions and answers, I rhetorically asked the brothers, what in the world would make you not want to allow your wife or make you this allow your life entry into classical Islam?

00:23:01--> 00:23:10

What in the world would want to prevent you from allowing your wife to learn the same as of course, and the meanings of those is, and the same hobbies that you learn?

00:23:11--> 00:23:16

What would be your knee yet your intention to keep your wives ignorant?

00:23:17--> 00:23:17

In Islam?

00:23:20--> 00:23:25

I would like you to enter that within yourself. And the Lord knows how you answer the

00:23:29--> 00:23:31

phone set in stone.

00:23:34--> 00:23:37

Treat the women kindly

00:23:39--> 00:23:41

treat the women kindly.

00:23:43--> 00:23:53

This is part and parcel of the problems of the women in Islam because we we are not excluding myself. My knees

00:23:55--> 00:24:05

are close to the meeting they are to you. I'm thinking to myself first. I'm in monitoring myself Are we the brothers, we better start treating these women better.

00:24:07--> 00:24:10

They are not responsible for their own affairs.

00:24:11--> 00:24:21

And marrying a woman is like marrying her into slavery when you give your daughter whether it's like minor into slavery, dependent and contingent upon the man who milotree

00:24:24--> 00:24:34

one of the big problems that faced women in Islam from the direction of the man is that he doesn't understand the nature of a woman.

00:24:37--> 00:24:42

He does not understand we the men do not understand the nature of a woman.

00:24:43--> 00:24:48

Yes, we say yes. She's you know, you know, she's very emotional. You know? Is that all?

00:24:50--> 00:24:51

You're not emotional.

00:24:52--> 00:25:00

You know, you just got it. You got to deal with them a little bit. Yes, you had to deal with them a little bit differently. But what do we mean and what did the Prophet

00:25:00--> 00:25:01

mean he said, but in

00:25:05--> 00:25:06

the in

00:25:07--> 00:25:10

the law that she ated from a will.

00:25:11--> 00:25:13

Surely they give them a rip.

00:25:14--> 00:25:17

What then our job, Satan.

00:25:19--> 00:25:24

And the most crooked part of that route is the uppermost part

00:25:27--> 00:25:28

in the head.

00:25:29--> 00:25:30

The

00:25:32--> 00:25:33

doctor who

00:25:34--> 00:25:34

was

00:25:37--> 00:25:45

clever is he said, Hi Ron. He said the uppermost part of that red is pocket. It's been

00:25:46--> 00:25:54

the uppermost part of it has been, if you try to straighten it, the crookedness you break it

00:25:56--> 00:26:05

if you remain thin, so treat women What does this mean? How many of us men have studied this Howdy.

00:26:07--> 00:26:10

How many of us have really pondered upon that

00:26:12--> 00:26:21

the woman is created from a river another narrative there's a woman is like a river. Both of them don't contradict each other. The woman is created from a river.

00:26:22--> 00:26:24

The uppermost part of it is cooking.

00:26:26--> 00:26:33

Many, many brothers, I believe in talking to some of them believe that this crookedness, crookedness, means something bad

00:26:36--> 00:26:44

they look at this and they make that wheel on this heavy as something bad. Yeah, bro. See, you know, even the Prophet city. They cook it man.

00:26:45--> 00:26:46

A cookie man.

00:26:49--> 00:26:51

We had to deal with the way we deal with.

00:26:52--> 00:26:55

But really look at the hobby. I remember when I was in school.

00:26:56--> 00:26:58

We were studying proverbs in Arabic.

00:26:59--> 00:27:01

And there was a proper

00:27:02--> 00:27:21

that when I heard it, I smacked my desk like this. I just had a lot that the numbers have been. The problem is the meaning of what's happening. And the other girls who are around me most of them my class were like 18 and 19 years of age. And they couldn't understand what I was saying. Because they weren't married. They had no frame of reference.

00:27:23--> 00:27:27

But the Proverbs says men have Hallo Dakar Moto

00:27:28--> 00:27:29

G

00:27:30--> 00:27:33

min Hello, is stuck on

00:27:34--> 00:28:00

their Wi Fi, Wi Fi. The exact same words of the Prophet used in the Hadith that the women have really been ripped them up amongst others part has knowledge is cooking. The proverb says listen to the brothers. This is so that we can learn the meaning of this hobby. In my humble opinion, this product is the meaning of this hobby and it will tell you exactly what is the nature of a woman.

00:28:01--> 00:28:05

As a loss of related record, you can own a loss

00:28:06--> 00:28:10

record who can own death and the man is not like the woman

00:28:12--> 00:28:22

this problem says admin handle the sickle always know where the sickle is. It says crooked tube is used to thrush and cut down the weave.

00:28:25--> 00:28:29

Which was one of the two parts of the fan of Russia believing in

00:28:32--> 00:28:36

the straightness of the sicko is in its crookedness

00:28:38--> 00:28:39

literally did

00:28:41--> 00:28:43

the power metal with

00:28:45--> 00:28:50

the straightness of the speaker in its crookedness.

00:28:51--> 00:28:53

Beautiful power.

00:28:54--> 00:29:04

In other words, if the signal was straight, like my arm is right now, you couldn't do what you're supposed to do with it. You're useless.

00:29:05--> 00:29:10

Because the purpose of the signals are to help you is it.

00:29:12--> 00:29:20

So in this Hadith of the Prophet for the water, suddenly, the crookedness is a good thing for us. If you tried to straighten it, you make it

00:29:22--> 00:29:23

different from left

00:29:24--> 00:29:40

to different, and we have to learn that. When she says Thursday, she means Saturday. When she says blue, she needs purple. When she says she needs three, you have to learn that about a woman. And if you don't,

00:29:42--> 00:29:49

it'll cause her problems. Because in most cases we try to make our wives lives revolve around our lives.

00:29:51--> 00:29:59

We try to make our wives lives revolve around our lives. We tried to bend them to put them to

00:30:02--> 00:30:07

When they are created from the same soul but different from us, and we haven't learned it yet

00:30:08--> 00:30:16

3040 5060 years old, these men in the flan and we haven't learned the nature of a woman yet

00:30:18--> 00:30:38

the profit from Novartis alum, as they treat the women kindly, they're created from a real the uppermost part of cricket. If you try to strain it, you'll break it. If you leave it the way it is, or main cricket. And then another narration, he says, and the end of breaking it, palapa is the forcing her

00:30:40--> 00:30:43

to Palawan is a word of extreme wisdom.

00:30:45--> 00:30:49

When we don't learn the nature of our women, the loss of

00:30:52--> 00:30:55

our body has created

00:30:57--> 00:30:58

a great problem for the women.

00:31:03--> 00:31:04

In addition to this,

00:31:05--> 00:31:15

the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said, in a hadith collected by a man Muslim, let me know let me know tell me in Korea, means

00:31:21--> 00:31:25

that no believing man, hate his believing lies,

00:31:26--> 00:31:33

that when he sees a characteristic in her, that this is pleasing to Him, let him look to another that pleases his

00:31:34--> 00:31:43

greatness brothers, this is a great statement from the message of a lot, from a lot of them. Don't harp on what she does wrong.

00:31:45--> 00:31:51

So she doesn't put the top back on the ketchup bottle, you have to buy another bottle of ketchup because it's spoiled

00:31:57--> 00:31:58

with the things that she does wrong,

00:32:00--> 00:32:01

the tape that you see another,

00:32:02--> 00:32:04

another one that you know is better than that.

00:32:05--> 00:32:15

And keep complimenting her, and praising her and revealing that because she is the one when you gain your life after you recently

00:32:17--> 00:32:17

we are children.

00:32:20--> 00:32:25

I have something that was written by a woman I like to read to you.

00:32:29--> 00:32:30

And to me it summarizes

00:32:31--> 00:32:36

at the top a woman with emphasis a woman

00:32:39--> 00:32:44

and personally I agree with her 100%.

00:32:45--> 00:32:48

And what she she said and which I'm about to read.

00:32:50--> 00:32:52

She said in her book

00:32:53--> 00:32:55

at the epilogue of her book,

00:32:57--> 00:32:59

what do women want

00:33:01--> 00:33:02

to she says,

00:33:03--> 00:33:12

and this is supposed to be a woman speaking, criticized me in front of other people. Even when I make mistakes or displeased you,

00:33:14--> 00:33:22

when you belittle me to make yourself look good at my expense, I feel embarrassed and resentful. I want you brother to think about these things.

00:33:25--> 00:33:27

But powerless to strike back.

00:33:28--> 00:33:34

Think about how you feel when you hear others be raised their partners in public? Aren't you uncomfortable?

00:33:36--> 00:33:38

Please save your negative remarks until we are alone.

00:33:40--> 00:33:43

I'll be better able then to hear you without defensiveness.

00:33:45--> 00:33:51

When we see things differently, please do not devalue my perception.

00:33:52--> 00:34:00

If we think you know because the law says that the man is a degree above the woman that when she says and things doesn't mean anything.

00:34:02--> 00:34:06

Recognize that one of us does not have to be right while the other is wrong.

00:34:08--> 00:34:11

Neither do we have to struggle until we come to agreement.

00:34:12--> 00:34:16

When we do that I tend to give in but I resent you later.

00:34:17--> 00:34:20

And some of the performances that if we don't even know that allows me then to

00:34:23--> 00:34:28

join with me and trying to play cheer for me. We just see it differently.

00:34:30--> 00:34:45

If I'm upset and cry or moves control of my emotions, allow me those feelings tries to get over your discomfort with them. They are mine and I will get over them if you allow me time to do so.

00:34:46--> 00:34:59

I suffer less when I feel free to let them run their natural course. Then if I feel pressured to suppress them, for you will not be displeased and usually the women go out of their ways.

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

To make a fleet, in most cases, the average decider

00:35:05--> 00:35:14

recognize that I am sensitive to the fact that your environment in the world because for the most part, the women's involvement is at home.

00:35:16--> 00:35:19

status and recognition, then I get,

00:35:20--> 00:35:27

I will feel less envy and more pride if you were more mindful that my efforts to be you from the domestic tears

00:35:29--> 00:35:32

have enabled you to devote yourself more freely to your life's work.

00:35:33--> 00:35:37

I like it when you acknowledge publicly that I deserve credit to

00:35:40--> 00:35:45

strive for achievements beyond our home, I need your encouragement to grow.

00:35:47--> 00:35:50

You can reassure me by supporting my freedom.

00:35:52--> 00:36:02

Even if it means less time to spend on the things that make your life comfortable. And by showing your delight even when my successes overshadow your

00:36:05--> 00:36:15

I need quality time with you. Down stopping is the real big problem with the brothers, which makes it a big problem a bigger problem for the system.

00:36:18--> 00:36:21

Imagine assigning marriage counselor over the past 12 or 13 years.

00:36:23--> 00:36:30

If I were to keep file, actual little paper files or file cabinets, I probably would need at least seven file cabinets

00:36:31--> 00:36:45

for the problems that have plagued the Muslim marriages. And many of those problems and complaints of the sisters say my husband doesn't spend time with me. And the brothers not understanding what is the meaning of quality time.

00:36:47--> 00:36:57

We think spending time with the sister is staying home 10 or 11 or 12 hours and hours of reading a hobby

00:36:58--> 00:37:00

or looking at a basketball game.

00:37:01--> 00:37:08

You haven't spent time with her. If that's the case, you might as well go down to the morgue and get a cup and put it next to it.

00:37:09--> 00:37:15

Because the time that she's speaking is quality time paying attention to her

00:37:17--> 00:37:19

being fooling for her.

00:37:20--> 00:37:22

This is the time that she's talking about.

00:37:23--> 00:37:25

And most of us don't realize it

00:37:27--> 00:37:41

and know your job is demanding. But if you give the best of your energy and all your patients to a job, there's little left for me when we're together, please make an effort to plan time for us.

00:37:43--> 00:37:46

What I do sometimes when brothers and sisters come to me for counseling,

00:37:47--> 00:37:53

I offer to take care of their children for them to babysit. So he can pick up the Red Lobster or whatever.

00:37:54--> 00:38:01

I do this sometimes, because I know how much of a problem it is to get a man to spend quality time with his wife.

00:38:08--> 00:38:10

Make an effort to plan time for just

00:38:12--> 00:38:19

when the telephone does not ring when you're not trying to quote unquote wind down after a hard day

00:38:20--> 00:38:28

when you don't feel like and she says kicking the dog. And of course this does not have a dog analysis. I hope

00:38:31--> 00:38:35

you don't feel like taking the bar because of someone else at home you're angry.

00:38:38--> 00:38:43

Do things both do things over me.

00:38:44--> 00:38:53

I'm a stumble as I gain skill in many of the things I learned to do. I will not a factor if you let me make my mistakes without telling me how stupid I am.

00:38:55--> 00:38:57

Or how much better you would have done it.

00:38:59--> 00:38:59

For instance,

00:39:00--> 00:39:07

the brother in his ignorance, causing a problem to his wife. He'll say at the table.

00:39:09--> 00:39:12

You could have done this a little bit better. I don't like my steak.

00:39:15--> 00:39:16

Why didn't I prefer it like this?

00:39:19--> 00:39:22

And I'll leave that to you rather than homework to figure out how to say

00:39:27--> 00:39:29

no to the things you do.

00:39:30--> 00:39:36

Most of the things you do over will be forgotten in a few years anyway.

00:39:37--> 00:39:45

But my competence will recover more fluidly. And if you cannot allow me to fail, you are not letting me learn to succeed.

00:39:47--> 00:39:54

If you cannot allow me to fail, you are not letting me learn to succeed.

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

Give me mixed messages about

00:40:00--> 00:40:08

sexuality, and why brothers, this is a very important aspect of being, which causes the sisters a big problem,

00:40:09--> 00:40:12

how we the men view sexuality.

00:40:15--> 00:40:16

I remember

00:40:18--> 00:40:35

a brother and sister coming to me, at least three occasions out of the men. And one, and I have to be very candid, there's no shyness. In this sense. In Islam, we can say these things freely as the Prophet is not the Salamis to say, in front of the Muslims.

00:40:37--> 00:40:46

Going to talk about a few things of the sexual nature now. So those of you who want to remove your children, if you think it's necessary, you can do that.

00:40:47--> 00:40:54

The one couple came to me. And her main complaint was that her husband could not wrap

00:40:56--> 00:40:58

laugh with a

00:40:59--> 00:41:00

intimately

00:41:02--> 00:41:05

and that not only could he not laugh,

00:41:07--> 00:41:11

he was abusive. As we say, in the mix,

00:41:14--> 00:41:18

I told the sister, because I put into her first and bring them together.

00:41:20--> 00:41:23

And it goes back to the first thing, which is the ignorance.

00:41:24--> 00:41:33

How many times have Muslims when they have the problem made bla to Allah, or Allah make my husband a tiger in the mix?

00:41:35--> 00:41:47

We don't think about making law for these things. We think about asking the law for a job or asking the law for a good place and a good husband or as the law allows to go to gentlemen, and I've been allowed to make

00:41:48--> 00:41:53

the law to get a scholarship for college. But how many of us have ever arrived?

00:41:54--> 00:42:00

When your husband has this problem? Make him strong in this area,

00:42:04--> 00:42:07

and we'll implement together

00:42:09--> 00:42:10

and start dancing together.

00:42:11--> 00:42:12

And then the brothers just

00:42:14--> 00:42:15

maybe drink some take some?

00:42:17--> 00:42:19

Yeah, is because

00:42:20--> 00:42:22

someone said let me know how to come.

00:42:25--> 00:42:35

Not a believer, your belief, your belief is not complete until you lovely a burden was in love for yourself. Don't you want your wife to have the orgasm first.

00:42:38--> 00:42:44

You should be attempting to make her have the climax. You should think about loving

00:42:46--> 00:42:55

yourself. You're not a believer, if you love your brother, if you love for yourself. You should be trying with your level best to me, hopefully.

00:42:58--> 00:43:00

He doesn't just start in the booth.

00:43:01--> 00:43:03

problem but realize it

00:43:05--> 00:43:06

without call for foreplay.

00:43:08--> 00:43:10

To start three weeks before you even do it,

00:43:11--> 00:43:41

a card like sometimes what I do, I take a little note, maybe five pieces of paper, put them up and I put one under the pillow. I put one in the refrigerator. I put one under the mat under the front door, and maybe two other places in the pocket and her coat. And then a big one. Go if you want if you'd like to see something real nice, go to the cover. And then she goes to the next one says if you really feel anxious, go to the frigerator she goes with our refrigerator. Then she goes to the necklace. And then she says

00:43:42--> 00:43:45

leave me for 15 years on your marriage.

00:43:47--> 00:43:49

On your marriage. We have to learn

00:43:51--> 00:43:56

we should learn every square inch of our bodies.

00:43:57--> 00:43:59

What makes us happy?

00:44:00--> 00:44:02

We know how do you