7 tips for successful parenting, Q&A session
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You love Jesus.
It's gone right here. Oh, this
lady about a cat's poo. I think Shigella is coming on. But just to remind you, brother, sister. This is the voice of Islam platform again regularly every week, twice a week on Saturday. And today, we're going to be addressing a very important topic of the seven most valuable habits of successfully raising your children. And of course, most of you will refer them as being Muslim children. And last week, we went through the seven habits, and today, we're giving you another opportunity to overview those habits.
To eat them, drink them, and make them a reality in your household. And also for you to ask any difficult questions. You have any pertinent questions you have on the topic about raising Muslim children in this Cove. Ed's era is Cove education era. That's what he's all about. Shaykh Malala is with us all the way from
You don't want
to lie or workout to Welcome, everyone. And indeed, welcome to shake. And also, we've got Mohammed Thompson from Auckland salaam aleikum, WA they can start recording. Welcome, everyone.
Yes, indeed. And welcome to you, from Auckland, New Zealand where of course voice of Islam is based anybody wants to support the work of us.
The link will be on the
platform. Of course, very importantly, if you want to be know more about the open international Open University, shake blouse organization, the links will be there as well. And anybody who's got questions for shape fill out on the topic. Okay. Very important that has to be on the topic. We're not it's not an open fatwa line, like we always see out there. This is on the habits of successfully raising Muslim children. You know, in this difficult times, it living as Muslims as believers in the world, we have a lot of challenges, a lot of objections to our faith, faith, and a lot of concerns and worries about what our children are doing or what they're not doing as the case may be. And why
is it that they are failing, we're failing as Muslim parents to bring them up and to encourage them to a beautiful way of existence. Al Islam, the Huck, the purpose of life and the methodology of life being the Sunnah of the prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in its entirety, then we will have success if we follow those two sources of course brothers and sisters, that's absolutely paramount that we understand so Shaykh Bella
we taught Alhamdulillah we did quite well. Your battery life good this week check.
Well, it's a lot better than last week.
revenue is not down to 61 Now
let's not let's not waffle on from from here too much waffled me Then let's get straight tucked into the most important elements of this discussion. Somebody come to all our brothers and sisters from around the world and our messaging, and Bangladesh.
SubhanAllah from Indonesia, from every part of the world. So panela check below. First of all, let's overview those seven points, just to sort of give a brief on them. And then everybody can tuck into juicy questions. And you can give some answers in sha Allah.
Okay, Bismillah Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah.
The Seven Habits for successfully raising Muslim kids we said
begins with understanding of course that we're supposed to be raising righteously. So it's not just raising them, but raising them righteously and that the
act or the effort to raise them righteously is a bada. And we should always keep that in mind. And we should have high expectations for our kids.
They should not be limited to the material success in terms of degrees and, you know, companies and positions etc. Our biggest focus should be on the ultimate goal that we want for them, which is paradise. So, we mentioned that the prophets or Salam had told us about seven who would be shaded by a lost throne, meaning that there will be those who would be guaranteed paradise. And the second individual that he spoke about, was a young person who grew up worshipping a lot. And why would he grew up worshipping alone, he did so because his family was striving, his parents, his father, his mother's uncle's, the family striving to raise the children in a state of faith, you know, that that
faith came first.
We said the first habit in terms of the seven was that of taqwa which was related back to the parents, more so than the child of course, for that child to make it to paradise, definitely, we have to have that law because that was the core, we all know that. So,
we said that the upbringing should begin before the child is born before the child is even conceived, you know, as parents as, as individuals who want to have and raise righteous children, you know, we have to get married. So, our choice in marriage should be based on taqwa. So that both parents you know, have the right inclination or the right
focus in terms of raising their families, the goals are the same. So, with righteous parents,
we then have the commitment to do what we call the second habit, which was do
that we should always be making do it for our children, because as we all know, only do I can change other. So we should make dua for our children. Knowing that
and of course, the doula before having sexual relations, you know, that is paramount, you know, where we ask a lot to protect us, from Satan, satanic influences, that our child be, be born free from those inferences. And, and, and raised free from those influences.
Then we went on to the third habit, which was that of a sound disciplinary system, that we have
children raised with a sense of discipline, which gives them also a respect for their parents, you know, it's not beating them to death, you know, beating them in anger, etc, etc, it is, it is providing disciplinary systems, which will
keep them in check. Because as children without that system, you know, some people say just their kids let them do it doesn't matter. You know, we said this is problematic, because this raise children will grow up with a, you know, feeling of so much freedom, I can do anything I want to do, nobody's gonna say anything to me and problems, problems when they get older. So we said that they should be discipline, but not relying on hitting, beating, you know, lashing and, you know, there are other ways we spoke about,
you know, what they called?
timeout, you know, what you do is you take the put the child in a room by himself or herself, when they're
short, you know, temporary time temper tantrums and, and, you know, they're just out of control. speaking to them is not enough, okay? Put them in there. So they know that bad behavior. That's the consequence, you know, because they're at that stage, you can't reason
you can't reason. They're not in this level of reason. So it's like more the Pavlovian approach, you know, that you keep doing the same thing. You keep getting the same results, then it's
Eventually sinks in their head, you know, and that has to be and taking away their toys and other things like this can be done to, to show displeasure. But at the same time, we need something on the other side, what they call positive reinforcement, we said that the child, you know, whenever they do something good, then we should make a big deal about it, give them reward, and so on and affection and, you know, all of this praising the good that they do. So, then they will learn, they will learn from that, you know, they prefer to have you praising them, that
upset with them. So, you know, this is how they learn, you know, and there are many, many different techniques that can be used to help emphasize that, we said that, really, it is also important for us to understand the stages that the children go through, you know, that the two, the two years old, they call it the terrible twos, three children all around the world, when they reach that point, just before they hit two, after they hit two, probably all the way up until about three, you know, some of them go beyond it, you know, they're rebellious, that is just the time of rebellion. And, you know, there's nothing you can do about it, in the sense that, that stopped them from going
through this, for this is something Allah has put in their nature, which, you know, is part of their development in a way that we get perceived that not maybe, you know, 50 years from now scientists, and that was the old that was the reason, you know, the bottom line is, you have to live with it right now, you know, so knowing that reality, you know, then we have to, you know, deal with it in a systematic and reasoned way. For people who don't have this idea. They never heard of the terrible twos, you know, Muslim families, you know, maybe in the West that people tend to talk about these things a lot more, but for in the east, you know, people just raise kids, you know, so on top of
that, when they hit that point, that terrible to this, this kid's gone crazy, you know, Jim, no,
come on over him, you know, he's gone mad, you know, got him,
we need to have proper understanding of insurance phases that they go through and, and, and cater to it, deal with it, you know, so at the age of three, they love to play a lot. At the age of four, they ask a lot of questions. No, and the question questions, after questions, after questions, there are age of five, like to imitate, copy, you know, greatly, and so on and so forth. Age of 60 like to stand out to be, you know, that can be different from everybody else. And, you know, these are, these are subtle changes, which take place that we should be aware of, and cater or modify our, our
approach to dealing with them and raising them accordingly, you know, we don't try to force them to read, when they're in that phase, when they're not really into reading, you know, or some kids might be into reading more so than other kids. So we have to be flexible, be aware, and be flexible. The fourth level was that our fourth habit was that of education, you know, that they have the right to get an islamically based education, this is a must, this is our duty to give them. So whether it means homeschooling, or whether it means after school programs, or whatever system that you devise,
we have to be giving them
input, integrating the knowledge that they're getting from schools, if the schools are secular with whatever, we have to integrate Islamic knowledge with them, let them connect up, whatever they're learning with what is
being taught in Islam, which is appropriate for their age. So, you know, you look into their book, well, what did you learn today? Oh, we learned that, you know, rain falls from the sky, and it's from the clouds and this actually was in the ocean, okay. Then you give him a verse, you know, Allah said that to the crime, he spoke about it, so and so on, so on. So in this way, oh, we learned about you know, the sea and the fishes and, yeah, the process I'm spoke about. It's also so so so so like this, you know, we we connect them up, you know, they're hearing Oh, Allah said the
Prophet said, you know, this is part of Islamic teachings, etc, we connect them up in that way.
Then the fifth habit
was to be actually, the best example for them. You know, being parents of taqwa, you know, we have to show them
example possible, we can't depend on them to learn from school.
grandparents in general will spoil them, we have to show them consistency in our behavior. And we have to show them, how we interact with each other. And how we treat them, we have to be the best example as salam was the best example for all of us, we have to be the best example possible for our own children, because our sons
will be like, their fathers. our daughters, will be like, their mothers in general. Also, daughters may be like their fathers, if they see the Father doing certain things, you know,
which they feel
admirable, or whatever, then they will imitate their fathers too. So I mean, you can have that crossover. But of course, you know, we do we have limits to all of this, we don't allow our girls to start dressing like men. And we don't allow our boys to start dressing like women, you know, I mean, the West now is saying, basically, that freedom, let them do what they want to do, let them be who they want to be. And there's no gender,
please, this is not our way. Our way is, we teach them the roles of parents, there is a mother, there's a father, there's male, there's female, all of this, and what is related to it, we reinforce that, amongst them as problems, as Solomon said, that a lot of curses, the woman who dresses like a man, and the man who dresses like a woman. So this is not in our
system of beliefs and practices, and methods of raising families. The sixth habit is to provide for the children a positive environment, because the home is going to be the determining factor in the end, you know, how is that home?
How does it operate, you know, it's TV on all the time, and what's on the TVs, corruption, that's going to affect them, is what you've put up on the walls and other pictures that you've chosen to put up on the walls, you know, pictures, which have nothing to do with Islam at all, it doesn't, you know, engender any kind of concern or understanding or respect, you know, for Islam, it's just
could be there or not there, it's all the same. No, we should all consider whatever we put in the environment of a home, somewhere or another, it should serve the purpose of helping to raise our family islamically we should try to connect up everything, you know, as they say,
ancient Chinese statement
that one picture is worth 1000 words. So we decorate our homes all the time. So be careful how you decorate that, whatever you put, should have a clear message.
You don't want to put it up there in small letters so small, nobody can read it. It's just there. Why? All because this is you know, the heart of the Quran. Or it is the, you know, whatever we give it some name or whatever. Yeah, I see. Same thing. Yes, in the Quran is that was supposedly, anyway, not true. But the point is, we put it up there and say, Well, this brings Baraka into the hole. So we're teaching them something. We're teaching them that these objects which are like amulets, you know can bring God's blessing. Baraka, but it's false. It's incorrect. You know, whatever we're going to be putting up on the walls that we're going to be seeing all the time, or statues or things
like this, you know,
In yourself, is this going to help make my home more Islamic?
Will it cause my children to reflect and ask and want to understand more, etc, etc, then we build our home in that way. Also,
we tried to surround our children with like minded family,
that our best friends should be people who have the same kind of thinking as us
and have their children play with our children, that's part of their environment. And we create a social environment around them, which reinforces, you know, Islam, you know, being friendly with neighbors, etc. And, of course, this means, you know, we have to choose where we live, we have to, you know, try to find the best location, which we'll be working on our children and helping them to
grow islamically. And then environment is also the Internet, and
control of the internet, you know, we don't just let them watch anything, anytime, anywhere, no, we have to be very, you know,
precise in terms of what we choose for them, which is going to help to educate them, help them to understand their Deen, etc, etc, this is what we should be giving them as much as possible. You know, it doesn't mean that there's not some playful things that they can watch. But playful things should not have harm, where the harm in it now outweighs the fun.
We have to be very careful and to monitor especially in our times, which is the now the time of the era of the internet. And we should remove from the home, of course, you know, any
materials that are going to be harmful to the children, you know, whether they brought it in from school, or they went to the store, and they bought it and whatever, we should be very, very careful about it. The seventh habit, as we said, was attachment parenting, from the beginning. right from day one, that child comes into the world, we have to develop the bond with the child. Of course, as the Father, you know, this is where the mom takes the bigger role in the sense of breastfeeding, make sure that, you know, the wife breastfeeds breast feeds on demand and best feeds when it's convenient. But breast feeds on demand. There, there was a philosophy that came out back in the
70s 60s 70s. And into the 80s. Initially, that it's better for the kids, you know, to to be satisfied, you control them, you know, you don't feed them anytime they cry, you know, they were what they used to they cry and you check a check on them. You check their diapers, okay, there's no no poor or anything, okay?
You've changed the drink in you fed them just you know, half an hour ago, they're crying again, what is it, it's attention. And if you submit to that, you know, then they will control your life. anytime they want you they just scream, eat, and you come running Oh.
And you become like a robot, they got complete control over you. They have trained, you know, so this is this was a thought and the concept was developed in those periods of time. But later on, you know, so they said it's better let them cry it out. They'll Cry, cry, cry, cry, eventually, they can't cry anymore. And then they stop.
Let them do it. You know, that way they learn that that you will deal with them when you're ready to deal with them. So you are in control.
The tail wagging the dog, you know that that's them, if you let them do that, that's like the tail wagging the dog, but but actually later on back into the 80s and into 90s research and such a show that Ah, no, this is this is not good. Actually, the child that when the child's
creams, makes the noise acted comfortable inside come out into the world. It wants that comes.
But it's still it's that physical love that contact, you know, showing mercy to them picking them up. You know you're you're there for them. You want to be there for them. So you know that is
Very critical Why? Because it's been shown that the first five years are the most crucial years in forming their character, their personality. Most of the problems that come up as teens and early come from early childhood, they need love to stabilize their characters. So this is what the this research is no show. No, don't let them cry it out, be there for them, hug them, you know, let them feel that physical love, you know, because when you think of a kid, you know, like Columbine, in the US, you know, the kid gets
dumped by his girlfriend, you know, his 11 year old or whatever, he goes home and he gets his father's guns, comes back into the school and he kills his, his his classmates, his teachers.
How, how could a kid do that? You know,
there's no sense of love and compassion for fellow human beings there at all gone? You know, that's just called
cold evil? Where did it come from? childhood, you know, so
what they call
attachment parenting, is you can't over stress this. So when the child wants wants the breast, don't just stick that dum dum, or soccer or whatever they call them in the mouth of the child cooldown. Okay?
Because, you know, the thing is, yes, they do take it. But the first time you put it in their mouth, they spit it out, then you put it back in this pit, and they put it back up till eventually they submit, and they start sucking. But that piece of rubber,
that does that replace a breast.
You know, there was a lot give the woman the breath for a purpose, not to put a piece of rubber in the mouth of the child instead. No. So this is these are among the things you don't use. I'm not saying for some kids, maybe it reaches, you know, a level where they're crying every minute, you know, for whatever reasons. So maybe we're forced to do that to some degree, but that's a last resort. It should be a last resort. Give them your breasts, this is what a lot gives you that breast for. Okay. So that basically, you know, summarizes the seven habits for raising righteous, compassionate, loving, Muslim children.
Just a color head, check below
for, you know, going over those seven points from last week.
Mashallah, you did it in good detail as well, more than we could have expected. We've got loads of questions being thrown at us from the audience out there. So Baraka Luffy brothers and sisters, thank you for sending your questions. And we're really sorry that we are not going to be able to answer all of them, we're going to make a stab at it. So the first question check below.
You know, I've got a 10 year old who's constantly answering back a 10 year old, you've also mentioned about the formative years is zero to five, I think Khazali talks about zero to seven, this child is 10.
What are the methodologies that we can employ to look up to this child?
Well, answering back depends on what do you mean by answering back?
If everything is okay, everything else
is okay. They're obedient in most other ways, but in in,
in in instructions, they're asking why.
Right? Because this is people, they call this answering back, you know, they don't just quiet you tell them do and they're going to do
asking why. Why should I do this?
You know, why should I have to do this?
This is maybe an extension we talked about at age five, six that this was coming up. This is a part of their nature. You know, it's not it's not the gin, don't worry. they've not been possessed.
What we what we're dealing with here is maybe an overactive mind. That child
may turn out to be a genius letter. He wants to know why he wants to get to the details. He wants to he wants an explanation. He wants to be convinced.
No harm. He just let that exchange be, you know, a positive exchange? Don't let it be. He says Why? And he said, Why? Why are you asking me why, you know, this is? This is not the way to do it. You know, it's about, you know, he asked why explain? If you can answer why there's a problem.
Because maybe you're just asking for other whims just to get him out of there, get him out of your way, get him out of your, you know, whatever, you know, so it's not constructive. So our instructions as much as possible, should be constructive instructions, which have explanations as to why, you know, you're doing it for a good reason. You're trying to raise a good child, and he's 10 years old, he can grasp, because, you know, I'd said that we should teach the kids a lot by seven, and spank them by age 10. You know, so it's obviously that age 10.
You know, the potential rebellion is there. That's why the prophet SAW Selim made that mentioned. Right. So I mean, to be firm with them, right, we should be firm with them. Because of course, we always have to keep in mind, you know, the laws of the country in which we live. If you're in a Muslim country, you can do certain things which you may not be able to do in a non Muslim country. So we always keep in mind, we are obliged to follow the law of the land.
Zakat Okay, shake? I think let's answer that one. We got a question from about autism bringing up autistic children.
There's, there's, you know, again, there's some people that question whether autism even exists, and whether it's just a modern day phenomena created by bad diets and huge amounts of television, and drugs and alcohol, and so on, so forth. But fact is that some children appear to be autistic,
you know, scientific phenomena, how do we deal with children in that category?
Well, in my advice would be that
if you have a child in that category, you should read, study, understand everything that you can.
Because you're dealing with an abnormal circumstance, it's not the norm, it may be the norm for your child. But it's not the norm for children in general. So since it's not the norm, most people don't know what to do. So therefore, you know, in our times, people have specialized, you know, psychologists, psychiatrists, you know, various fields of learning, etc, has have specialized in this and researched and, and come to conclusions, and given advice. And we know, they're especially, you know, special, if you can afford to have special nanny, you know, who are trained from that area, having the background etc, which can help you in dealing with it the idea, the basic idea is
that, you know, it's not going to go away by diet.
It's not going to go away by
putting the child in the room by.
So I want to come check below.
Okay, so I think this shape allows just left us for a little bit, I'm sure he's going to come back. So we were answering the questions. We're going through the seven habits for successfully raising children in this difficult time that we live in, in this strange era that we live in.
And we're dealing with a question about autism just before shake left. And then we got the next question is going to be about Muslim schools? Why are they more expensive than?
Why are they so expensive? You know, that's a big question as to whether they're expensive because,
you know, the issue surely is, is whether you value, giving them the purpose of life and giving them the correct information about why they're here in this world. And wouldn't you rather pay huge amounts of money to make that happen, because that is the raison d'etre. That's why you're here, and that's why the children are here. So, you know, don't get that question. Actually. I think that any amount of
You know, money that you have to spend in order to, and that means your time as well, to educate your children and bring them up the correct way. That's absolutely fantastic. Can I just say something on that one? Yes. So like,
it just depends, like, what is expensive compared to what?
You know, we're comparing it with state schools, state run schools, which paid by the government, private schools, you know, Muslim schools, generally a private school, so they're going to have more expense, because because they're not funded, or they're not funded totally by the government, like other schools are. And it's one of these things where, again, like what you said, do you value the Islamic education? Firstly, is it a Is it a good educational, Muslim school for Islamic school? So is it teaching good, yeah, good levels and things like that. And then in that case, you got to understand that will appreciate that these things you have to pay for. And sometimes the struggle of
putting them into that is, you get greater rewards for that than just if you spent your money in, you know, extra food or going through pictures or other things. So, sometimes these things we have to, you know,
get put up with it and just try our best and ensure that, you know, we can send them there and, and just pray that Allah makes it easy for you and gives you a blessing on all your work and things like that, where your money comes from. So that means it can go further by, you know, struggling to put them in an Islamic school. inshallah. Zappala here, Jaime Thompson from Auckland, shake belaz back with us.
What I he'll suggest that maybe it's if autistic kids meet more kids like them, they spend more time with them. Check below Do you want to finish that?
issue about autistic children bringing them up?
Yes, check it out.
Can you hear us?
I think I'm ready. You know, the main tip that you must have. Yeah, okay. Can you hear me? Yes, I can. Yes.
Well, can you hear me? Yep. Yeah, I can hear the connection. Seems to be a bit
Yeah. Anyway. And is that as I said?
Yeah. dodgy. shaky.
The point is that
Yes, yes. Yes. Yes.
This Mila Yes. You absolutely find someone a con. It comes. Like me. Hear us okay. I said
it's about knowledge.
It's, it's about knowledge, you know?
When we need sufficient
Yes. Yeah, I can hear you.
Yeah, you continue.
Okay. Yeah, I think the internet Can you hear me? If you go out and then come back in again. Okay.
Yeah, things a leg. Yeah, I think he needs to go out and then come back. I did it before I'll
do it again. Okay. All right. Sorry about that, guys. So we got lots of Well,
there's lots and lots of questions coming in Absolutely. Loaded questions. Really important question very good ones as well. Where do we start when teaching our children about our religion? Well, we've given the Seven Habits the Shaykh has already mentioned. Bringing them up with a habit of taqwa, you know, in an environment of taqwa in love of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Making the alpha them in front of them and making to offer them crying to Allah subhanho wa Taala getting them used to making them as well making it a reality for them. Number three was talking about a disciplinary system, establishing a distant disciplinary system. And number four was education. It's their right that you
should teach them about the deen of Islam. So you have to start with yourself in your environment. And that was the next thing which is be a great example. Be a great example. positive environment and attachment parenting we were talking about the seven habits. Shape allows link
Unfortunately is not so good. We can hear all of you, you know, he says we can hear all of you. And having said Mashallah, where do we start with teaching our children? We've mentioned that I work with autistic children is generally a specific need with them, particularly because they can be very concrete. raising them in Islam does require skills and patience. There is from Gabriella through ronita Thank you very much Gabriela. Okay, shake. Hello, can you hear us now?
Next question. Next, I can hear you.
Just shake my connection. Can you hear me? Clearly? We can. I think there's a lag though.
Yeah, one of us. You know, so what it is, is that it's very clear. It's slightly slightly blurry, but we can hear and see you. So if you just continue when you start the the answer sheet, okay.
It's a like, like,
a like, So, the next question will be, so we will try and address this ourselves. Until the Shaykh comes back. Many parents use bad language all the time. How can you solve this issue? Well, Mohammed Thompson, I think we can deal with that one. She I think so. That's not a very good example, going back to number five be the best example. We can't be using bad language around our children, and they expect them to speak nicely and things like that. And the problem is these kids in take that into the because they tend to mirror what the parents are doing, especially at certain age. And they then start repeating it and then they start getting in trouble at school, because they're saying
this and this and this and, and then they say, well, that's what mommy and daddy says, and this and that. So it's it's getting back to the parents need to be the best examples. You know, going back to number five.
And it's not becoming of Muslims, parents to be using this language. You know, if they use it in their workplace, they shouldn't be doing that. But they should be in control when they're coming home in front of the children. Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. And of course, if there's a problem with people using bad language, then they look like taqwa a lot lacking attachment, Allah subhanaw taala. So it's advisable for those people to read more Quran, to try to do more Salah to MIT mix with people that are a good example for them and give them good habits as well. So that we can then create an excellent environment the best the best example to them, and, you know, have Taqwa. So go to those friends who have Taqwa, who have good influences on those people, if your husband or your wife, whatever it is, is mixing with the wrong people. They're definitely going to give the wrong advice to your children. Absolutely. So we'll get
shaped bill our back on as soon as we can.
We've got another question here. And my son who's seven year old shows anger, temper tantrums
will start crying easily. So Ted, I'd shake belaz already dealt with that right, Mohammed Thompson, about disciplinary systems in the house, right from the offset, and the first five years being the most important period for development. I think what he what he also said last week about that was his pick on the good things the child is doing, and not just pick on, you know, trying to ignore the temper temper tantrums and pick on the good things they're doing and reward. reward the good with young some sort of,
not gifts, not so much but something younger, maybe,
you know, take them out playing or sport or something like this or, you know, give them something extra they wouldn't normally have to encourage them to continue with the golden and stop the Tim temper tantrums. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, shake, but I was looking fresh and clean is back. Yeah, it looking like it's not so good this time. That's good.
That's good. That's really what we would shake out. We were talking Islam. By the way.
my son, who's seven year old is is having temper tantrums. We were talking about this. We were trying to answer it from your answers from before actually, because you've already given the answer to this. They stopped too crazily. They have temper tantrums, how can we deal with this issue?
Well, in the end, I would say
Patience is the key, you know, once you lose patience, then you can't deal
as simple as that, you have to be patient and be able to go the extra mile for the child
you have to determine, you know, as much as you can, being a non specialist, etc, you have to try to determine when, you know, what are the triggers, what are triggering these behavioral patterns, and try to move those circles or those triggers from the environment of the child.
And there's no harm in reaching out to those with knowledge, who have research and specialized in this field etc, you know, child, early childhood education, you know,
management of of, we could call
difficult children, children with difficult patterns of behavior. And
in the end,
it is a matter of, as I said,
being prepared to give the child as much love as you can
remove whatever seems to make them upset.
It may be
some family members, it may be neighbors, it may be a variety of different factors. So, you know, you get help from from experts. You know, as I said, First Allah, Allah decree into law, Solomon, as those who know, if you don't know, you try the best you can. And then after that, you know, if you, you aren't finding any kind of change, or improvement, etc, then it becomes necessary for you to reach out to the experts to to get their advice, etc. So,
you know, this is,
to a large degree, you know, these patterns are common,
you know, where there are common factors that are related to them. Sometimes they're not, they're quite different from others. And, you know, it's like, hit and miss, you just, but in the end, you have to be patient, do you don't just reach that point where you can't deal with a kid anymore, stick them in a home, stick them in a institution, or whatever this is, you know, this is, this is the test that ally is giving you. And you are responsible, primarily, fundamentally, for your children.
Just like luck, I shake we go, of course. So we've got to get to the people that know. And ask them for advice and have lots of patience and show love for our children is the answer to that question. So also, my five, five year old enjoys going to madrasa but the three year old hates it. And what can I do with that? I'm going to give you a few questions, because they're all very similar. These ones
did it a doo doo doo doo doo.
Kids are addicted to mobile phones, games and social media. How can we deal with this? Okay, why are they addicted? I have a six year old daughter that is always defensive, stubborn and naughty. What can I do? Again, very similar to the last question. One of the questions we asked and we try to answer before within your absence shake. My husband is rude with the children. And there was another one, he swears in front of the children. Okay, so how can we deal with that? So we talked about building taqwa in the house disciplinary systems in itself, that that person themselves needs to get new, a new group of friends and so on and so forth. You are as your friends make you as it's so to
Right. So those are the questions, a few three questions that are quite sort of similar.
keeping track of all the questions
so the main issue is about the two of the questions were about the husband themselves being quite rude and abrupt.
That that's one area but I shot
have you dealt with it, you know, it's possible to go on. But the bottom line is that, you know, as we said,
we should be the best example for our children.
And they're going to be as we are,
if we are
endearing, speaking gently, kindly, then our children are going to be like that, it that's the norm. So if our children are no bad mannered, and that's, that's what
they have seen from us, they are a reflection of us. So you know, where we come to realize it may be a bit late down the line, you know, changing, going back and changing it from from the beginning becomes impossible, we just have to move from here forward, try to change our own behavior, and be better examples for our children, you know, as you said, about bringing keeping them around others, other families, etc, who have good behavior. And of course, it can be a bit of a trial, because you, if your kid is a problematic kid, you know, is all over the place, then you bring him over to your friend's home, you know, your friends may not want you to be coming to their home, because of a fear
that your kid will mess up their kids.
So it's a, it's a trying situation, but, you know, you try to go you know, do something with your close friends are very close to, you know, our understanding, we're ready to help you, because obviously, you need help, but
definitely swearing in front of our children using bad language, you know, this is, this is not Islamic behavior. This is not the Muslims character, it is out of character. And it shouldn't be done. You know, parents who, who use course, language curse words and things like this, you know, we asked a lot to guide them to, to know their responsibility before a law and before their children in raising raising them with the best of
luck, character, you know, characteristics, because the process elements put so much stress on good character
upon Allah, shake, Hello, thank you very much for that. So he many of one, some of the questions are talking about the internet and the fact that our children are very obsessed with the internet.
Largely some of them actually being using this as a tool for babysitting the children now, ps4, gaming, online gaming systems, you know, such as we can mention some of them. fortnight, road rocks, I think it's called ruinous I call it ruin escape, but it's a ruin escape or something like that. But I call it ruin escape, you know, because this is kind of ruining the children?
What is the answer to this? Because it is their answer, it is their, you know, it's control, the bottom line is control, you don't just put things in the hands of the children, and let them do whatever they feel like doing. You always have to be monitoring, because that's what you are there for us as the father and mother, it is your responsibility to monitor what is going on with your children, you know, not just leaving them alone, totally. And you just go ahead and do your business that's kept them busy, you can go do what you have to do it, I mean, unless it is something which is positive, you are sure. And they are taking positive benefit from it, etc. And that has occupied
their minds for a period of time. So you can do certain other things. I mean, it's not so you can't do that. But it's not just give them the the, the instrument or the
phone or whatever, and just let them do whatever they want to do. Watch whatever they want to watch. No, you always have to be checking back because even though you might give it to them, you know, in a good space, it's in a good connection, whatever. You know,
kids are kids, you know, they will press buttons on your you know, on the phone
Or on the, whatever the pad the the tablet or whatever, and send it elsewhere. And they may run into, you know, corruption, you know, you may, you may come back and watch how
you just have to get it back to where it was. And, you know, there are some
some systems where you don't have enough
ability to monitor them on a regular basis, there are some programs, which can fix or lock the,
the device, that it only stays in one channel or one connection or whatever, they can't move it anywhere else. So that's the best thing, especially if you don't have, you know, the ability to monitor them on a regular basis. But it's your responsibility. And you can't blame it on the kids. The kids went there, Hey, Dad, did it know you, you have left them, you have abandoned them, you have not given them the time that is there right from you to ensure that what's going into their minds in their eyes or their minds or ears, what they're seeing hearing
is not halon
that's the bottom line.
Shake below, somebody is asking about dolls for kids. It's one of those old questions, children.
We know that because, you know, problem was Ellen's wife, Ayesha, she had dogs. My grandma
asked her about the dolls. And she explained to me what they were and all that. So we know that dogs for kids, it's okay, is where it becomes he is a grown up women who have been having dolls from childhood, and they kept them and they have them in their bedrooms and stuff like this, you know, rows and rows and rows of them.
It is preferable not to get rid of these, this now become almost like, like idols, you know, they become
images, unnecessary images in the home, which you know, could prevent, you know, good sources of, of Baraka through the angels, etc, you know, from your home. So, as a grown up,
let it go. Done. God, you left that period? You know, don't be so attached to your dog. You know, you're a grown woman in her 40s. And you got his dogs in your room? You know, let it go. It's time. Let it go. Let it go.
Yeah, so there's another question. So one of the parents saying we don't have sufficient knowledge, and we can't afford a tutor to bring for our children to learn Islam? What's the question? And I think the answer is international, Open University. And he's right behind * bulalo over there, all they have to do is register a course. Right. But yeah, that's on a big scale, you know, but I mean, on a, on a practical skill, of course, if you don't have knowledge, then you are not being a good Muslim.
Because prophesized sentiment said, seeking knowledge is obligatory on every Muslim, it's an obligation it's formed. So first and foremost, you need to know you need to go get that knowledge. And the National Open University, which you know, is dealing with, it has a degree in Islamic Studies, etc. I mean, of course, that's full scale, that's, you know, you want to go out and seek knowledge and dedicate your life to it, or at least a part of your life, you may be a specialist in engineering or medicine, but you want to have that knowledge and you should have that knowledge. If you're an educated person who can, you know, handle sitting down and studying and gaining the
knowledge and being tested and all that formally, then it's a good thing, and you can share and help others. But for the average parent, you know, who just you know, their parents didn't raise them with any Islamic knowledge, you know, beyond the basics. You know, Islam has got five pillars, you know, the mind has got six, you know, you know, the names, you don't even know what they mean. You know, many people are raised like that. So now, now, all of a sudden, you're grown up and you're having children, and what are you gonna pass on to them the same thing that you got from your guides, okay. It means that you have to make some effort to get knowledge at least
The basic knowledge, which you know, you need to pass on to your children, there is fundamental knowledge, and where does it start, it starts with a law, you should know who Allah is, and who he isn't.
You should have enough knowledge that you can distinguish between a law and his creation.
Because you have a lot of people and systems and all that, trying to replace a law by providing, you know, alternatives, you know, which may be very attractive, unified, and all those kinds of things, you know, so you need to be clear on who allies. That's the basic and most basic level of knowledge that you should have. Then having understood who Allah is and who isn't.
Then you need to know what is it that a law has prescribed for me the basics, so
how would you do this? There are
many courses etc, which can help to give you the foundations on a simplified level of what Islam is. Because if you don't have it, obviously, you can't pass it on to your children. You must have what you want to give. If you don't have it, then what can you give? So you have to be you can't depend
always on others. Oh, we don't have Mulana to come to our house. You know, no, there's no my dresser near ours, our home or there's always excuses.
seeking knowledge is far on you. You
You need to go out and try to get it in the process of getting it inshallah you will make contacts and find ways and means of helping your child.
shake Hello. Fortunately, he's gone in mid flow, but I think he answered that question in a very, very substantial he didn't need Mohammed Tom. He did.
Now there's another one that keeps coming up. I noticed here. Yeah.
About the animation of cartoons, so I'm not sure if you're
know enough on that one.
using animation cartoons to teaching professional courses. As far as I know, the majority of the scholar says, Okay, yeah, maybe you can address that. That's my understanding as well, but then I'm not a shake. So from what I heard from others is it's used for educational purposes, and things like that.
It's, you know, my understanding is not an issue if the bet if the benefit outweighs the the problem of getting ageing of those things, and the scholars say you know, like the Muslim aha is it's okay to use those things. If there's a beneficial thing that you're using them for Allah knows best in the shape below maybe he can address because I know over in New Zealand here we use not not really but you know, certain organizations and making apps and and animated programs for health and safety for first aid education and things like that to help people better understand the processes without having to go and sit in on a proper
in front of teacher type school now this young lot of things online and things like that. So people are tending to do these sort of things for that sort of process. Yeah, brother, Mohammed save go on to Islam q&a. Shake
mana mage manage it, is it my magic segment? I think it is shaken Islam. QA, put it put that issue in, you'll see that the answers will be the references are all there.
So please do Islam. qa.com right. Shift allows us back as well. So maybe, maybe other Yeah, weighed in on this one. It's not really a bit off the topic. To be honest. It is a little bit Seven Habits of successfully raising children.
You know, in this strange world we're living in right now and it's becoming stranger and stranger, but glad tidings to the stranger. As the Heidi says. So Pamela check blowouts and I want to come took a little break there from us.
Again, not bad.
Living in Africa. Yeah, yeah.
So yeah, there's so many issues and questions coming up. And all of them are relating to difficulties that people are having. And this is why we're doing this course, this is why we're overviewing this, this seven habits, and maybe we can do another couple of programs after this, because I think this is a massive area of concern for our children, what everyone's still banging on about this the online world, and, you know, so there must be a balanced check that people couldn't have. Because, you know, in an ideal world, we don't want our children online at all, right. But now, everything is moving online. So like,
chick fil a, I would say, universities online, so
I would be the ideal,
online is like, it's like the telephone. It's like the radio, I was gonna say that ideal word, because you don't have any radio. We don't, we don't have television. I mean, no, this this is this is the, this is the technological development, you know, we are in the New Age, you know, there was the Industrial Revolution. Now we're in the information revolution, you know, where information is coming at you from all corners, and all forms and shapes and, you know, just new instruments and means of information if they were in that information overload, so it's more a question of control, you know, of, of having control over it. And then even before, when all there was, it was just
radio, you know, I mean, parents have to keep their kids away from the radio to, you know, they're just listening to the radio all the time, all the time, though. They want to be on this thing to, you know,
music or their car, you know, wouldn't be cartoons, it would be you know,
cereals, series, yeah.
stories, and whatever, you know, comedy or whatever, you know, the point is that, in all generations, the challenge of raising children
has not changed.
It hasn't, it may have changed in, in elements of it, but still the challenge of monitoring and providing that education, early education should be provided by parents, you know, throwing the kids in the crash, you know, this is the latest thing. Now see, before kids used to start school at seven
teach your children a lot by seven, boom, they were doing it all over the world. Seven was the point then they moved it down to kindergarten, then there was upper and lower kindergarten, yes, then it was nursery. And they kept getting younger and younger kids, you know,
now people are talking about my kid is now reaching three, I need to put him in the are in the nursery, what Come on the DVD, the job of raising the child job should be done by the parents.
before they reach that age of seven, up to the age of seven, you we should be doing it primarily
putting them in at six, the children show you know, some propensity whatever bit early, you know, into kindergarten, although now you know, man, many systems, you have to put them in at kindergarten. So they have to go in from the time they're five, you know, but hey, you know, as much as you can teach them at home, are you able to work out situation so that you can provide for them? Then better you do it?
You know, do the reward is given to you?
I think that it's not a new challenge. And you know, we need to
take benefit from those who have experience who run schools, who have
homeschooling, experience etc. and
not pass on the job to somebody else.
They will never love your children. The way that you love your children. They will not give them that love. So your child will be put into circumstances
You know, challenging circumstances that they don't need to go through. They don't need to be there. You know, bullies kids bullying them, and, you know, and when things are done to them at that age, this is stuff that remains with them until they die. Yeah, yeah. So that as much as you can ensure a good wholesome environment for your children to be raised in this was the,
the sixth habit in all the environment.
The you know, as much as we can do that, we have to
go out of the
make an extra effort,
go the additional yard or a mile,
to give it to our children.
pretty much sums up
and sort of summarizes the whole
role and responsibility for parents, bringing up our children with these habits in mind, you know, Subhanallah, we've got a lot of issues and questions and so on, so forth, one that keeps coming up the brothers being very persistent, so I'm going to kind of add it in because it is kind of relevant, the use of cartoons, educating our children.
Is it permissible? And then he's then saying using it for in the professional world, is it you is it applicable and is it allowed to do so?
But in general, again, the example it was given by Ayesha and the province on some shows that cartoons, or
you could call them
comics, you know, where
figures etc, created. Although Normally, we are not supposed to be creating
images, images, which have that potential to become idols and taking people idolize them, etc. But for children, there is that exception, that the promises are made for Ayesha. And whatever falls under that general heading is permissible. Now, some people going to the all but the, you know, the dogs of jihad, they, they didn't have eyes.
Okay, they didn't have a nose, you know, it didn't have a mouth. It was like a lump for a head and a lump for our it's just one of those kind of dogs. Well, okay, but does it mean you can have the other one? If that's the one you prefer for your kids? No problem. It's okay. But then don't go and tell them no, you can't have that dog because it does eyes.
What is your proof your evidence that that is the only one acceptable? And I was like the Duff. Same thing, you know, the monster Sallam said to beat the Duff when you're getting married beat the Duff.
Okay, the Duff was the
drum of Arabia, the Arabian drum. So now if you have an African drum, or an Indian drum, or an Indonesian drum, so no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there has to be enough.
This is not this is not the dean This is not what
you should know. The point is you have to look at it in terms of what what was it? It was some it was non musical. It didn't produce tones, okay, now, if you get an Indian drum, which you know, they have strings on the on the on the
sides of the drum that you can pull and tighten and and then start to create sounds is done now creating notes. musical notes, Okay, stop there is a fine, but if you're just whacking it, you know, it's just it's just giving a beat.
It doesn't matter whether it's round, it is square, it is oval
tree trunk to trunk.
You know, it's okay. You know, we have to, you know, identify yourself. The religion is easy. take things easy, let's not try to restrict and strangle people and cultures you know where where they were where they are within the bounds, but it's just not the way that you do it.
Shake Zappala head Mohammed safe he's just given the reference
About Asia or the Allah, you know, using the dolls and the solar system saying is allowed. So this is the reference. Do we need references you want fatawa then you go on Islam q&a, shaman, as manager, I'm sure has the references there, please have a look for it. And let's not get waylaid by one issue. This is seven habits with successfully raising our children. And, you know, we don't want to get taken down that line. So basically, we've come to the end of the show.
We've come to the end of the show, I believe.
So May Allah subhanaw taala Bless you, sorry, my telephone keeps interrupting with my, my, you know, confusion caused from this thing to that thing. It's a it's a nightmare. Really, it is. This internet is a nightmare. So Pamela, if you don't know what you're doing, but anyway, so don't worry. If your mother knows, it has nightmare, nightmarish, you know, propensities and
presences. But at the same time, the internet was a blessing from Allah subhanaw taala. For us, you know, in terms of Dawa, when the whole of the media was completely dominated by Western civilization, so we could not get a word out. Whatever they said about Islam and about the Muslims, everything that was in the whole world got it. But then the internet leveled the playing field, because now even your little kid could get on and say something about Islam, Mashallah, and the whole world can hear it.
it's true shake I but I'm teaching my children, I'm allowing my children to learn coding, because I want them to create games, which are children when they do go on the internet, you know, so I'm actually encouraged my children, my child, say, go out and spend three, four hours on there. But if you don't come out with a game or something useful, then I'm tomorrow you're not going on there. You know, so, I'm having to do that. It's the way you know, my youngest child, you know, and I'm telling him it's for a purpose like you were created for a purpose by Allah subhanaw taala that is you going on there for four or five hours in order to do something beneficial for this ummah. I want you to
come out with an Islamic game. You know, whatever that term is the probably somebody will say, game. Oh, that's a contradiction.
But Jesus Allah, Masha, Allah, Allah shake below. I think we definitely need to do one for success.
Seven Habits for success being successful believers as well and I believe you do have that course. So maybe that's the next one we go through right.
definitely. inshallah, inshallah. So, we're going to sign out closing words from Sheikh Mohammed Thompson.
You want to go first Mohammed, you go first, go that you're this good to senior senior seniority here inshallah. All right. So, anyway, and hamdulillah we'd like to thank everyone for attending this session, I apologize for the internet situation here which you know, cut us a number of places, but inshallah we pray that the message was conveyed and you all benefited from it, and inshallah, this is the beginning. For those of you that are keen to go further with this, then you should try to
group gather others who share your concerns and share your your goals and objectives and do something we have the opportunity to benefit the oma every day. So, try to be a part of the solution rather than being a part of the problem, as they say, and inshallah with that, to ask a lot to, to bless this time that we've spent together, and to put it in our scale of good deeds. Bought a coffee comes from Morocco to LA he
said, I'm not a girl. I just want to make comment.
So those couple of questions asking about can this show be watched? afterwards? Yes, you can go on to I believe our Facebook voices on Facebook page and YouTube.
The channel and the programs will be there as well. So those who have missed it or want to share it or resend it to other friends
who think they can benefit from it. And this is the previous all previous shows as well around there as well. So I think this is something could be beneficial for many others who haven't seen it and pass it on to your friends and relatives and tell us so they can benefit as well. Does that profit? Coffee? Can we got a lot of people say no, you need to continue the show shakila
we want to talk about parenting is a huge issue. So maybe there's another seven points coming.
shall and also, just to remind you, the two organizations that really are really embedded within this, this is webinars Of course voice of Islam in New Zealand, so please go on their site to support them. Really, we need support for the Dow in New Zealand and for the Dow that we're doing in the world through these webinars, Mashallah. And also, international Open University I owe you used to be called Islamic Open University, I believe. But that is the same university shake allows the head of that and it's got a massive team all around the world. Half a million students to be great yourself because yourself and your children join the IOU today. You can see the links will be on all
of the posts that we put out there.
You know, associated with this life. Mashallah, but just nakoma Lochhead brothers and sisters shake below Hamad Thompson and all of you love you for the sake of Allah Subhana Allah and Allah subhanho wa Taala foot Baraka in this incredible series, just Allah fer was salam, alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
and they can sit down