The Attachment Theory

Bilal Assad

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Channel: Bilal Assad

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Let's first of all begin with a dua for our brothers and sisters in philosophy and this is how I would like to begin the talk today. Aloha My name is Luca De Smet it can host and I will say vertical Hola.

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And the father is when and if he does have a Philistine with equally McCann, we ask You, oh Allah with all your glorious attributes, and your lofty names to bless and protect our brothers and sisters in Gaza and Philistine and everywhere around the world. I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to change their fear into security, and to protect them inside and out, and to relieve them from near hardship very soon. I asked Allah subhanaw taala to unite their martyred ones with the martyrs the prophets and the Shahada. Oh Allah make their children who were slain, awaiting for them at the fountain and make them intercessors for them at the doors of Paradise. Oh Allah do not let this

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struggle as a sacrifice go in vain. Oh Allah returned the Muslims to your religion in a good way. Oh Allah unite the people against injustice. Oh Allah forgive us for our shortcomings. Oh Allah, change the hearts and allow justice to prevail. And era Bella and me

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my brothers and sisters, thank you for having me here. I want to begin with a verse of the Quran that is very appropriate for this theme. The theme is the Quran Allah subhanho wa Taala said

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I will be letting him in a shaytani R rajim Bismillah here rahmanir rahim.

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Be called Moishe if

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what she

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feels pseudo

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meaning

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gonna be fumbling he won't be able to ask you Murthy he sent me the link and family of Russian Furby then he can finally have Rocco.

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Manage him out maumoon.

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Allah says in chapter 10, verse 57, and 58

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Oh people. Now here has come to you an exhortation, a reminder, from your Lord,

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a healing for the ailments of the hearts

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and the guidance and mercy for those who believe.

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Tell them, oh Prophet, tell them let them rejoice and celebrate in Allah's grace and mercy through which this book the Quran has come to you. It is better than all the riches that they accumulate. Have you heard that verse in the Quran before have you come across it? This is a reason for every believer to celebrate. In fact, every non believer in the world if they understood the meaning, and the gift of the Quran, the words of ALLAH to our hearts, it is a gift which we celebrate night and day, the score n which has not changed even with a letter for 1400 years, the challenge remains bring one chapter like it the shortest chapter is which which is the sort of shorter sort of brother

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sisters. Which one

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in our Athena qualcosa. How many verses how many verses three, how many lines if we were to write it,

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less than two lines,

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one and a half lines.

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A little prep your role. You know prepping grade one, if you tell them to write one line and a half they can write it. The Quran says Bring one line and a half like the Quran.

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And no one has been able to even bring one line and a half. Brothers and sisters rejoice over the Quran which ALLAH has sent us a healing for the heart.

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In a book, which I read a study, which is called maternal care and maternal health

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by John Bowlby.

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He's a very famous psychiatrist, psychologist,

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a British psychologist, and he's a great reference. He's also a psycho analyst who is often referenced in scientific studies, he said

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he made the term called the attachment theory. Hands up if you've heard of that the attachment theory. Good. We have a few of our sisters. None of our brothers

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The attachment theory makes sense with sisters knowing about it actually, maybe brothers and husbands and fathers should know about it too,

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that humans are born with a natural, innate psychological nature. And a system which is called the attachment behavioral system. In the Quran, this is very similar to the word fitrah.

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natural inclination to be attached to someone you love, to give you the sense of security and belonging

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that motivates them to seek proximity to significant others.

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And he believed that the earliest bond formed by infants in their mother's womb and early childhood with their mothers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout their life. And on this survive, when the infant is inside of its mother, it has this attachment, and it makes it feel this connection. And that is why people who don't know who their parents are they live a life with this emptiness. They're on a search. Where do I come from? Where are my parents and my instinct of security? Why do I bring this up? You see brothers and sisters.

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Interestingly, he says, the reason why the baby finds an attachment with its mother is because the child wants to know who its caregiver is caregiver.

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And I'll give you one more thing.

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Those who are mothers have had babies before you'll understand what I'm saying. And those husbands are invested in their families and in their wife during that time, you will understand this as well.

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It is now confirmed through extensive studies,

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that

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when a new mother,

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a woman becomes a new mother.

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When she hears her baby crying.

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A hormone in her brain is released called oxytocin.

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And it releases milk. She lactates

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automatically.

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In fact, studies show that if she has any baby cry,

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she lactates

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I have a cousin

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in Lebanon. She is hearing impaired deaf, and so as a husband, and they've got three babies. And she said to my sister

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in the night I wake up for my baby to breastfeed it. My sister asked her, but how do you hear? And she said, I feel I feel

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why chef Bilal mentioning all of this. Well, there is a connection in the Quran.

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This scent connection, the caregiver, this feeling of security, the feeling of feeling safe. from childbirth, we have this instinct and Allah subhanho wa Taala constantly reminds us of two things. Number one, what do we recite every time in solid five times a day? Each raka we begin with what? How do we begin our Quran? How would we let him in a shaytaan regime then what do we say?

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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim. Then what does the Fatiha start off with?

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Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen. I've got a young man who is going to become a shell or something in the future. Rob Bell Ilm. What is the word Rob?

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No. Rob does not mean God. What is Rob? My brothers and sisters? 9000 people here come on. What is Rob?

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Not God. What did you say, Lord? And what does Lord mean in Arabic? Rob?

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What is Rob? Lord? What's the difference between Lord and God? What is there between ILA and Rob?

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The provider, the provider, the caregiver, the maintainer, the creator, the responder, the protector, they are all the actions of Allah. But when you say God, it means the one I worship. So Allah subhanho wa Taala always tells us to begin when we pray Alhamdulillah Rob bail me in mean, all praise and gratitude to Allah. It doesn't say well it says Allah. Rob Bill Allah mean the Lord the caregiver, the maintain the protector, the provider of the entire world's. Allah begins by telling us he is our caregiver, meaning now you should respond. If you want to be feel close and you want to feel protected. Any problem in any hardship you go through, turn to your

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that's the first

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connection. And the second connection, every verse in the Quran which talks about your parents.

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If you read any verse that talks about your parents, what does Allah also talk about in that verse?

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It talks about himself always connects the relationship between us and our parents because they are where we came from. And our connection with Allah doesn't mean your parents Allah gods. It means that the reason why we connect with our parents is because that is our origin. And that is part of us. And that is what when when we connect with our parents who feel safe, and when we're disconnected from our parents, or they are disconnected from us, we feel all sorts of problems and mental illnesses.

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And that is why Allah Samantha tells us the way you are connected to your parents and you feel your security and your identity strong, and you feel safe. Always remember the one who gave you your parents connect with him? Because that is exactly where you came from. From the beginning. Did you not hear the Quranic verse where Allah says, or either

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the knee fat in me Cory?

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Oh gee Boy, that

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is

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failure Stan G Eboli. One you may know the lawn. Sure.

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Allah always tells us and if My servants ask you about Me, I am always close. I respond to the caller whenever they need me and call out to me.

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So let them respond to Me.

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And let them connect with me. Let them secure the Eman in me in that they will find this security and guidance by knowing me. Brothers and sisters, how does Allah connect to us? And how do we connect to him?

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Through that,

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are you bad or what is a bad I bet that means worship? How does Allah speak to us?

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Through the Quran. The Quran is Allah's language to us. Just like the mother's language to her child. Allah has language to us through the Quran, like the father speaks to his child. Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks to us through the Quran. There must be a connection, a speech, a connection, a language. Now imagine that you cut off yourself from the Quran. Then who have you cut off yourself from your Allah your caregiver, your up your Lord, who is the one who's constantly close to you, Allah your Lord. So who is the one who needs to come close to him? You and me. That's why Allah says respond to me. Where are you going? Why are you running away? Why are you running

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away? Stay connected to me, and I will guide you throughout the way. My brothers and sisters

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are also sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to a young boy by the name of Abdullah ibn Abbas. He said to him,

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I will teach you some words young men. Do not forget them. He said tell me. He said to him, for the La Jolla folk. Always keep Allah in your life

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and in your world, and Allah will protect you and keep you near him. If Allah does you do Imam Ock keep an eye on your life you'll always find them in front of you. Meaning that you will always find him there for you to call out for to seek your security with the RF li if

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you're efficient.

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Inform yourself of Allah know him when you are comfortable and at ease and he will know you at the times of your hardship and discomfort when you need him.

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Wait So,

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if you were to ask anyone ask Allah meaning ask Allah first. Where either stand up or stand biller and if you seek refuge in anyone seek refuge in Allah first.

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Jaffa kala mu Bhima who occur in the pin the pen sorry and the ink has dried about everything that is to be meaning nothing can change whatever has written will happen.

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Follow under Hello customer hola annuum farehawker ojo de roca Vichy, if the entire creation were to be gathered in order to benefit you or harm you in something which Allah had not written to happen they cannot

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and then the prophets are seldom said the hara in Allah He Farah Ha he said again, know your Lord when you are at ease and comfort. Yeah difficult for sure. He will know you in times of hardship while I'm in a sub area

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Hola Takara Hi Iran cathedra and know that everything you hate in life with patience and perseverance not giving up in that is so much good. The worship of patience.

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Well, I'm Anna nostra ma Saba, and know that victory only comes with perseverance and patience.

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victory comes with what?

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perseverance and patience not sitting down and making Dart and the next day expect the sky to open up and angels flutter down. No, no.

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It comes with perseverance and patience. You have to keep going. Like the palm tree the process and and describes the believer like the palm tree, it bends with the wind with the storm. And after the storm is gone, the palm tree is resilient. It stands up again, but don't doesn't move away from its origin.

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Then he said sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam were another al Faraj Omar Al Karim. And that relief comes relief and opening comes with hardships and calamities.

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I always say this.

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A baby does not learn how to walk without falling.

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Forgiveness is not known without being hurt and wronged. Mercy is not understood without rights being taken.

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Good is not known unless you know the bad.

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Health is not appreciated. Without pain.

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Happiness is not hoped for and attractive without sadness. And love means nothing without loss. The only reason Adam Alayhis Salam ate from the tree was because he thought there's a secret that he's missing out on. But when he ate from it and Allah subhanaw taala showed him that curiosity for something which Allah had forbidden is not a good thing.

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I'm still learned something that he would have never learned to before had he not accidentally disobeyed and what is that? He learned to mercy and forgiveness, as MLA sent him would have not known what it means and we inherited it. Mercy and Forgiveness is not known without mistakes. And without wronging one another, then we forgive one another and mend. And watch, you know, between husband and wife, whenever they're upset with each other, and they reconcile. The love is even better. You feel closer, with relatives with friends, anybody. So brothers and sisters, it is necessary for pain it is necessary for hardships, it is necessary for loss, it is necessary for the

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negative to know the positive for the bear to know the good for the suffering to know the victory for sickness to know what health is. Otherwise, how do you have all these amazing, beautiful people who stand up for justice, who stand up to heal who stand up to protect you stand up to really truly live up to the meaning of love and make a shift in the world. Allah has given us the power.

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Allah has given us the power. Allah did not leave us like a little child who is spoiled.

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A spoiled child I've ever seen a spoiled children. Nobody wants to be around them. They think everything belongs to them. Because their parents pampered them rotten when they were little kids. They gave them everything until the children grew up and even don't even appreciate their parents, let alone anyone else. Through spoiling and giving someone everything will ruin you. That's why Allah sometimes reminds us by taking away something, he takes away something. And then something in here changes. Something in here changes. The only people who don't see the benefit of it are the ones who decide to think negatively about Allah, and not one of the names of Allah subhanho wa

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taala. In the Quran, which he has mentioned to us is negative. It's only negative because you think about it that way. But if you don't and you know that the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that Allah said, Ananda Vanya appdb I am as my servant chooses to think of me.

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Allah is not negative, every name of Allah that you have ever read about the 99 names of Allah. None of them is negative. And even if you hear a name that seems negative to you, always has a name before it that is positive. And example.

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When Allah mentions the negative name that appears to us he mentions a positive name that appears positive to us, for example, a bar what comes after that?

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What's after a bar

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interfere? A door means the hammer and Nafa means the benefit and harfield the one who demotes what comes after that?

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A referral the one who promotes

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and manner the one who denies what comes after that.

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What comes after that? I'll Moratti the one who gives. In other words, the scholar said, Allah does not give you or allow for you to get sick unless

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he is going to heal you. He will not allow you to go through suffering unless he's going to give you something, he will not demote you, unless he's going to promote you. He will not take something from you unless he's going to give you

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when a person hits rock bottom is only upwards. The only one who chooses to stay down is you.

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We all hear those motivational speeches for those of you who have got ambitions and goals in the morning, and you switch on YouTube and go to those motivational talkers.

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Say I can, that's what they say. You can do it. And the world is this. The Quran has already told you

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keep Allah in your life and you see all the doors opening. Brothers and sisters, do not be one of those who gives up when you hit rock bottom.

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For in the story of Musa alayhis salam is great lessons. You will know the story of Moses Alayhis Salam, he killed a guy from among the pharaohs. He was honored, respected, he lived a life of luxury and power with the Pharaoh. Because of his wife, Sally has Salam among the most beautiful and among the most perfect women of the world. Ser Leah salah. She looked after him, but when he killed someone accidentally, he became a fugitive and he was going to be caught arrested and killed in the story of Musa and sortal Cos we read that Musa alayhis salaam ran away, he ran away to another territory which the Pharaoh had no authority over. He went towards Madeon Allah subhanho wa Taala

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talks about the story. And then he says that he rushed he ran away with nothing with him no wealth, no food, no water. He lost all the kingdom and everything. He left his mother behind his family behind his brother behind everybody.

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The hadith says that he reached a point in the deserts that he shoes.

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They all became broken and his feet. The skin on his feet became peeled and his stomach almost stuck to his back from hunger. And the only thing he was eating were the leaves of trees. His tongue turn green.

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Allah says that when he reached Allah says while I'm watering down.

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Medea now YJ Lee mettam Meenan. Nurse Yes, goon

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Well, yj Damion Dooney Imamura Anita zoo, the zoo the

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Gullah Madhopur Bukom

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ka Netta. Lana squee had us there on around.

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Buena Shea KB.

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When he arrived at the spring of Midian. He found there a crowd of people watering their flocks. And he found apart from them to women holding their flocks back. He asked the women, what is it that troubles you? They said, We cannot water our flocks until the shepherds, the men take their flocks away. And our father is a very old man. Very smart, young ladies. They said to Him, our father is a very old man. He is a respected wise man. So don't get any thoughts. That's what they were telling him. At the same time, we need to come out to work. And there's nothing wrong with women working if there is a benefit and a need. And even if she wants to work for her ambition, she canceled on this

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holiday and within limits insha Allah. However, the story that I want to point out the lesson I want to point out in there is not that the point that I wanted to point out is to focus on Musa alayhis salam, and focus on those two girls to these two ladies, whose father is an old man and they are desperately in need of going and doing the stuff that men have to do and they've got a mix with them. And at the same time they're destitute, Musa alayhis salam is so much in need. As soon as they said, Our father is an old man and so on and so forth. He could have told them Get me some help go and talk to him. I need help. But instead Allah subhanho wa Taala he says first so Carla houmous

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meta was in a

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call out or be in the folk on our on being

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a mean my area firstly, On hearing this, Moses watered their flocks for before them and then returned in a shaded place and said, My Lord

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I am truly in great need of any good that you might send down to me.

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In our brothers sisters, if you look at that image, any one of us will be seeking help. But Allah says that he quietly reversed

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into the shade and the darkness of the forest. And he sat there alone under a tree.

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And he lifted his dua to Allah saying, oh my lord with respect, out of all the goodness that you brought down to me, I'm still in need. This is how we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala some of us when we ask Allah, we so why hasn't Allah responded to me? I said, Oh Allah give me money. He hasn't given me children. He hasn't saved me hasn't cured me. He hasn't No, no, no, no. The prophets were never asked Allah they said, Oh Allah with all the goodness and blessings that you have given meaning, have a strong mindset. Always remember the blessings that you still have, because they're going to be your strength, use them, but at the same time, request Allah's assistance, for without him, you

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can, you are nothing.

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And then when he called out to Allah, he had hit rock bottom. In other words, yet brothers and sisters, Allah subhanaw taala then brought the young ladies team from places at least, he never expected.

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And they said, Our father would like to reward you for the good that you did for us. And this shows you modesty in these young ladies. And Allah says that one of them came back with modesty and shyness, not the shyness that you think it's not the shyness where you ask a person, what's their name, they don't know how to answer

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is the shyness of modesty, meaning, a modesty that she chooses who will hear her and who will see her and who will get to see her other side and who doesn't, that type of shyness or self respect. And she said to him, My father wants to reward you. So when he went there, we know the whole story, Allah subhanaw taala opened up a whole new world for him. He got married to one of them. And she was interested in him, and he was interested in her and her father respected him and held him in high degree. And he was well protected. Here. Well, his self esteem went up. Of course, he was never done, but he felt in need, but his need was fulfilled, number one through marriage number two,

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through a place where he belonged. And number three, through working and earning a living. Allah subhanaw taala opened up a door for him

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after he hit rock bottom, and that's what the scholars tell us.

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My * dirty.

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Yeah, till feroce.

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With hardship,

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comes relief. I want you to know something, the harder your life gets in something. Know that the tougher it gets, the closer it is to relief. the tougher it gets, the closer it is to what to relief.

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So don't worry.

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Don't worry.

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And rely on Allah and keep going for this as a story and the lesson that Allah brings us in the Quran to comfort our hearts and a story and the lesson

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in a yo Valley his Salam and a story in a lesson in unicyclists Sara, you and us made a mistake. You might say Moses Allah your Salah, he was a fugitive he had to run away wasn't his fault you know Salah you Salam left his people without permission from Allah.

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And then when the big fish swallowed him,

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he said something

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as Allah says, Where then noni is, most of all

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fell Biden

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now going to do

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further film on that.

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Ila in

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Nick, soba and in Tony no warning for Stan Jebin

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aka chef,

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beam in

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stone Jebin.

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Jaina will mean a lot I'm worker the lake and

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meaning.

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A law concludes by telling us and remember the story of the noon. The man of the big fish, you will know Sally's

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Allah

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when he left angrily with his people,

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and he assumed they had he hadn't done anything wrong, and that we will not hold them accountable for what he did.

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And then he found himself calling out to Allah in his high pitched voice while he is in the darkness.

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Oh my Lord, there is no God worthy of worship but you I have truly become among the wrongdoers to myself.

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To myself, The way out is to look inwards, and say to yourself, What have I done wrong. So that's the other side. You cannot grow unless you are honest with yourself. Allah says, and so we saved him. We saved him from the rum. Rum literally means claustrophobia.

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And that's a metaphor for the claustrophobia of life. You know, when you say I feel the whole world has caved in on me, whether it's from your marriage, whether it's because you're single for so long, whether it's from your children, whether it's from your parents, your friends, your work, your wealth, your health, it doesn't matter what it is.

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Minimalism, we saved him from the claustrophobia, we opened up the world for him. What Cavalli cannon Jr. macmini And unlike that, we also save and open up the world. For the true believers. What does it means a true believer, and what meaning comes from Amman, which means to secure in your heart, the trust and the feeling of safety and trust and reliance upon Allah, that he will relieve you, but you have to do your little part as well. My brothers and sisters with hardship, comes ease in allostery Israa. With every hardship comes many aces, all it needs is subber. perseverance, perseverance, continue going, don't give up. Don't just sit them become a footnote. But work towards

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it. Rely on Allah do what is needs to be done. And say Oh Allah, I am with you. And you are with me.

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I ask Allah subhanahu wata Allah, to relieve all of you my brothers and sisters, and all of our brothers sisters around the world from all their hardships and to assist them with patience and perseverance. I asked Allah subhanaw taala to change any hardship that you have into comfort and into goodness, any sickness into health, every pain into relief and every fear into protection and security. And may Allah subhana wa Taala make our eternal and final abode in the most safest and secure and greatest happiness. Jana Alpha dos Amin also Allahu Allah Ebina Muhammad while earlier sabe su Maui and was salam aleikum wa rahmatullah