Bilal Assad – Balancing Mercy & Anger

Bilal Assad
AI: Summary © The conversation discusses the importance of managing one's anger and avoiding negative comments on one's appearance. It emphasizes the need to be mindful of one's actions and avoid harming others, as well as the negative impact of socializing and family. The speakers stress the importance of avoiding anger and being aware of one's own views.
AI: Transcript ©
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I begin with the Hadith

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about the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, which was collected in both Bukhari and Muslim agreed upon

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Abu Huraira the Allah Juan Hoonah writes

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once was sitting down with his two grandsons, Al Hasan and Al Hussein,

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are the Allahu Anhu.

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The sons of alira, the Allah Juan,

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and with the Prophet sallallaahu Salam in that particular seating was a man

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who was known to be a great men, a man of generosity and goodness and piety. However, he was from the Bedouins and the Bedouins in those days, were known to take a long time

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to learn what kindness and mercy is among them, took them a while, because they were raised in very rough environments. And so the prompts allow, Selim took him time to teach them mercy and kindness and softening of the heart.

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His name was Accra, Abner habits, Tamimi.

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And when the Accra was sitting there he saw the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seat, his grandsons on his left and next to him, and then he kissed each one of them,

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kiss them tenderly and hug them.

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UCLA had never seen this in his life, believe it or not. So we said to the messenger SallAllahu wasallam

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in nearly Ashra to Minella wallet, I have twin children,

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Malka, Beltrame in whom I hadn't, I have never kissed one of them in their entire life.

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For another la rasool Allah He sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with a makan, the messenger of allah sallallahu Sallam looked at me

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and he the look was a look of disappointment. And he said, Mala your home, lay your hand,

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however, does not give mercy will not be giving. Whoever does not give mercy will not be given mercy themselves, meaning mercy from Allah subhanaw taala. And it also means So that's if a person deliberately is not merciful, the Mercy of Allah is delayed for them.

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Another meaning for it, the scholars said is that if you don't give mercy to others, you will then experience in your life, lack of kindness and mercy experiences from others. Because when you don't give mercy, naturally, people will see you as a harsh hearted person. And they will avoid you. They will be careful around you. They'll tiptoe around you on eggshells, whether it's in a relationship with your wife or husband, with your children, with your parents at work everywhere. If the few people cannot see mercy from Us, then it's going to be difficult for you to see mercy from others. And perhaps some people out there

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who look at other people and say nobody is kind. Nobody is nice. Maybe they are nice to people. But sometimes, sometimes not all the time. Sometimes, maybe we should look at ourselves and think are we practicing mercy to others? Do we practice kindness? Perhaps people are seeing us in a different light and showing us a different face, only to avoid us. So the first thing brothers and sisters is to look at ourselves. And as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to say, her Sybil and full circle. Always judge yourselves. What does it mean to judge yourself? Doesn't mean to be cruel to yourself. It means to look at yourself, authentically. to really look at yourself and think maybe I

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have shortcomings myself. Have I practiced mercy? Am I a kind person? Let me look around me. How am I children? If you have children, how are they around me? Are they scared? Are they frightened? Do they do things just because I told them they're afraid? How would they arrange? How would they work? When I'm not around? How is my spouse? How will my parents how my friends towards me? Really look at that Subhanallah even Pitts sometimes can sense a human's lack of mercy. These things were Allah He runs sisters are signs that Allah brings to us.

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Who was the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when it comes to Mercy. Allah says in surah earlier I'm Ron, verse 159. I was William Shatner. As you Mr. manleigh Rahman Rahim, Furby Moroccan met in Nina long Heenan

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one Wiley's auto dealer

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felt board meeting Helic Walla

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felt one Milani wanna be

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felt boom in howling again fell for it was the home theater washer winter home wash winter home fina

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for either I was deferred work

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in a long hair your hip Gordon and motor work Ely.

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Allah says it is out of Allah's mercy that you owe Prophet have been lenient with them, meaning your companions and all the people around you. Had you been cruel or hard hearted, they would have certainly abandoned you and walked away. So Pardon them. Ask Allah's forgiveness for them and consult with them in conducting matters. Once you make a decision. Put your trust in Allah surely Allah loves those who trust in Him. So even the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa salam brothers and sisters, Allah acknowledges and declares, that had he has been harsh hearted to the people whom he was sent to as a messenger in the way that he portrayed and presented the message of Islam. Even

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though he is speaking absolute truth from Allah. He's reciting the verses of the Quran straight from Allah subhanho wa Taala through Jabril Ali Salam, if he only changed that approach to be harsh hearted with the people and judgmental of them, and, and and, you know, just

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not easygoing. All his companions and people around him would have just avoided him. Can you imagine what kind of effect he will have after that in Dawa and this is a good indication for us as Muslims, that when we want to teach people about our deen brothers and sisters, you cannot teach it without kindness and mercy.

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You can't teach people as if you're a person who has been sent as an authority over people that you are meant to sentence them or judge them if they don't accept and then we're harsh and use bad words.

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For the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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He was once asked

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why don't you curse the disbelievers a messenger of Allah. And he said, lamb Oh batho Lana, I was not sent as a cursor.

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So run the sisters mercy and kindness and wisdom is paramount.

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Allah subhanaw taala also said when

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setting in

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any sort of Gambia was 107 Allah says And We have not sent you a messenger of God, a messenger of Allah except as a mercy to all the world's all the world's means. Muslim, non Muslim, Arab, non Arab animals, insects, birds, fish, and even the jeans. The Devil's the jeans or the jeans who are who are both Muslim and non Muslim, they're like us but there are another life form called gins which we cannot see. That's another topic. Brothers and sisters Rasul Allah Allah wa sallam also said, lay Samina Mala Mia Hamm saw the runner, he or she is not one of us meaning meaning he or she is not on the guide

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of Islam that I came with. It doesn't mean the disbelievers whenever you hear that statement and a hadith is not one of us. It doesn't mean that you follow disbelievers it means they are not on the rightly guided path

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that Allah had sent me with my companions followed me upon that's what it means. It just means they have to fix themselves. They're going astray. Whoever does not have mercy to our young ones, to the children.

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Well, yeah, I've shot off a cabbie Rana and knows and acknowledges the honor and respect of our elders. In another Hadith, he said, while you work there can be your honor, and respect our elders. Anyone who is older than you significantly, you need to give them respect brother and sisters, even if you disagree with them. A non Muslim, even a non Muslim, someone who's grown white here and is older and as a senior, even if you don't have any feelings or love for them or anything like that Muslim or non Muslim, you still exercise mercy and respect for the age.

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Because Old age

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is a part of life and Allah subhanaw taala wants us to

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You have this lesson.

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And the last part that I want us to respect life, that people get old, and how people are close to their graves. So we respect old age, especially people who are older than us. They do have more wisdom than us because they have more experienced than us generally. You don't treat for example, your parents the way you treat your friends.

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You don't treat your teachers the same way you treat your colleagues in class.

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You don't treat an elderly the same way you would treat a child or someone your age. You don't treat a scholar, an imam or a che or anyone have knowledge the same way you treat every normal person who doesn't who's not in that position. But also SLM, said, Antonio Luna seminar Zilla, you should treat people in the way they deserve to be treated. Now a lot of people, they say I'll treat them in the way that they treat me. Okay, you can do that. But then you're the same. That person you call low life, you're acting like that low life.

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If they treat you badly, and if they treat you good, you say I'll treat them good. So that means you're waiting. You're waiting on what people do. That means your inner character itself is not there. You're a person who is only good

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based on the currency people give you.

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They'll be if everybody thought that way brothers and sisters,

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then everybody will be waiting for everyone else to do their part.

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But also Salah Salem was sent as a leader and told us to be leaders in good character. And Allah rewards you for your good character. You're not doing it for people. People don't control you. They don't possess you.

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Of course, defending yourself, standing up for yourself, we're going to talk about that insha Allah soon. There are situations where you don't have to exercise mercy. In fact, sometimes mercy can backfire.

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And we'll talk about that in a minute.

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One thing I haven't done yet, is I haven't even defined the meaning of mercy. What is mercy? What is Rama?

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There is a definition in the encyclopedias and one in the Cambridge dictionary. And the definition is similar to the definition in Sharia in Islam.

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It means kindness shown towards someone whom you have the right or power to punish.

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I repeat, Mercy is showing kindness towards someone whom you have the right or the power to punish, you can hurt that person, but instead, you don't. It means you are showing mercy.

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I love for handle MK Dara, is what the scholars have put as a rule in Islam. And Rasulillah Salam talked about this as a high virtue. It is when you can pardon when you are able to hurt someone. Sometimes, someone deserves punishment. And you can exercise mercy by lowering that punishment. Sometimes you can hurt someone by ruining their reputation and completely do a smear campaign to ruin their lives forever on social media. But you can have mercy as well. Maybe you might think they deserve it.

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But brothers and sisters, I want you to realize something very important. Be wise. Mercy is generally and most often the virtue of the prophets and the virtual believers and good people, generally speaking, exercise mercy throughout your life towards everybody and anyone. But when you know that being merciful to someone is definitely you asserted, through experience of knowing that person, being merciful will definitely lead to corruption and harm, then don't be merciful to that person, that person needs to be punished.

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For example, if you're used to somebody,

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and when people lend them money, or go into business deals with them, or they buy and sell as customers, you know that they're always cheating people. They're always ripping off people. They're always being dishonest.

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And when you know that this person relies on people's kindness and mercy, especially when they see them people of God the only people of of Deen are good people of good character, you find that they use them for their goodness. Then these types of people do not deserve mercy. They only deserve right. What they deserve rightness, but they don't deserve injustice.

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So treat them the way that would stop them so when mercy will lead someone to corruption fix

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eveness lead someone to corruption you do not forgive, you do not have mercy. But even in that there is mercy. What is that mercy, this mercy is for other people.

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Because I know if I if you know me as a person who constantly uses the goodness of people and corrupts and, and uses and abuses people through using their kindness, and you have a right to treat this person the way they deserve your mercy is for other people now, to stop them from hurting and harming other people. Do you understand the difference? There's a big difference between the two.

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Mostly brothers and sisters, is when you are able and have the power like Prophet Yusuf alayhi salam, in Surah, at use of verse 92. We all know when the brothers of use have come along, and they're the ones who did what to him. They threw him in the well. They wanted to kill him. Then they went and lied to their father and said, The Wolf devoured him. And then they sold him into the market and he became a slave all his life he suffered. And his brothers did all that to him years and years later, after ending up in prison and being

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going through all that trauma and torture and all that stuff. He becomes the treasurer of Egypt. And then his brothers come along, the story is long, and they don't recognize him, but he recognize them. And he doesn't do anything to them except mercy. And then when all their families arrive, and they say, our brother forgive us, he could have punished them. Any one of us would have put them to slaughter. But he says to them, love the City Ballet, Leona elmfield, long

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handled raw he mean, no harm upon you today. No blame or guilt upon you today, my brother's today Allah will forgive you I ask Allah to forgive you. And He is the Most Merciful, His mercy never runs out. This is the meaning of mercy. Meaning he's 10 That telling them if I've got mostly ALLAH is even more merciful. So when you have power, pardon

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Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his descriptions were that he was not harsh. He was not hard on people. He was not a person who abused and swore and denigrated or teased or mocked, or, you know, did stuff like that he was not a person who went into the markets and raised his voice to cause the attention to himself. Or to when he when people debated him or people disagreed with him. He would explode just to shut them up. No, he didn't do that stuff while I got fired will be safe to say yeah, he never met bad with another bad unless it was for the sake of Allah and we'll talk about that. Well, how can ya for welfare for his own personal rights, he always pardoned and he would

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cover up one time.

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The Ross was awesome was giving out some charity and donations to the people and he ran out of charity. And then one person said, Well law he he did not deal justly. He gave it he favored people.

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And the other companions that have Allah he'll tell the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he went and told him and it also Salah Salem became angry.

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But he restrained his anger and said, he remembered something called a law called the Musa be act theremin. Delica. For sober, Moses was harmed more than this, and he was patient with his people.

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Ospital I will be patient.

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One Bedouin came and said, Give me from your wealth, you own Messenger of Allah, and he pulled his collar until it marked the neck of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. Instead of getting angry at him or showing his anger, he leaned with him. And that's a way that a believer is you're like the palm tree, you don't move from your spot, you're still firm, but you don't let people harm you either. So he leaned with him. And he knew that this better one he just doesn't know any better. And he meant well it didn't mean the hump to harm the practice of law. So let me give him benefit of the doubt. And he said I've got no more food or charity to give you but come to my house, you can be my guest.

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He went and treated him with utmost respect and honor. After three nights the man went out and called everybody and said oh people come here. And he met and he said to the prophets, Allah send them please stand next to me out of school Allah and he said, oh, people hear me hear me hear me out. I'm gonna make a DUA, Allah Muhammad, Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam when I told him that I had a man, oh Allah have mercy upon me in the Messenger of Allah and do not have mercy on anyone else because no one else deserves it.

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The way he treated me, I would ransom my own parents for him. So Allah Allah who was salam, ala Rasulillah Salam then turned him with a smile and he said, look at her Jakarta

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where Seon, you have restricted something that is wide and far the Mercy of Allah is not restricted. He said wide and far. Then he said okay, okay, Rasul Allah, O Allah have mercy on Muhammad

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Last Salomon myself and have mercy on all those on the believers as well. And also, as I've said, DML. And yes, that's how you should do it. So brothers and sisters, this is how a believer is, my brothers and sisters, having mercy is good in most cases, but bad when it leads to bad. However,

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Mercy is sometimes called in science, the love hormone,

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the love hormone, they say that oxytocin, that's the hormone that gets released in your body. It plays a role in forming social bonds and trusting other people. Now you might be thinking, trust, what's this business? None, and I have mercy. And the person who even takes you as an enemy, you can win their trust over, at least you can get along. We're not talking about trusting everything, but to be very careful in telling your secrets to people, but it can win trust over in the sense of people getting closer to you and trusting you a little bit more and you trusting them. It's the hormone mothers produce when they breastfeed

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and it increases their bond with their own babies, And subhanAllah the name Rama comes from the meaning Rahim Raha means the womb, the womb inside the mother.

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And it also calls Maha Maha Brahma the people you can never marry. It means they are the ones who share the womb of a common mother. Like a grandmother, for example, a great grandmother you share the womb of a common mother.

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Why is the woman called rahem because it is the mercy is the thing that Bond's people together. It is the thing from which the baby comes out. And subhanAllah you know, when a baby when a mother conceives the baby, from the moment she conceives the baby, even if the baby dies, even if there was a miscarriage, even if the baby is aborted, or dies. The mother continues to carry living cells of that child for the rest of her life Subhanallah, even the grandmother, and even her children, her daughter's right now, little daughters were two three years old, they carry the living cells

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of their mother too, and the living cells of the next child that's going to come.

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Scientists have told us that when a baby cries, the mother lactates, meaning milk starts to be produced just from hearing the baby. And that's why I say to this day and age, the modern woman, the modern mother, I advise you the sister and brothers, that think about your children in before your career.

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Because the child needs their mother, experts say at least up to the age of eight years old.

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And that is mercy.

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And the husband should assist and support his wife

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so that she can be a good mother.

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Which brings me to Mercy between the husband and wife, not only towards the children but between the husband and wife. If the husband and wife cannot have mercy to each other. I repeat mercy means when you are able to punish someone, you have a right to punish someone but you exercise pardoning and you take it easy. If the husband and wife cannot have that you are automatically and effectively harming your children's development, their psychology, their mental state, their character, everything.

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Because lack of mercy is learned. It's not inherited. There's not enough evidence to say you inherit lack of mercy. You learn it, and the first place they learn it from is their parents. The child grows up watching their mum and dad. When the father has no mercy for their mother. The mother has no mercy for her father or one of them is quiet while the other one cops it the child grows up really completely stuffed mentally. And they need help for somebody to help guiding them along the way. It's a big, big process.

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As an educator, I see this all the time.

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So brothers and sisters and also Sam said Kulu Kamara and we're coulomb masala Narayan, you will all shepherds and every one of you is responsible, the flock that is in front of them. Their children are the first. The great wisdom wisdom statement that I always say is children may not obey us all the time. But they will never fail to imitate us. They will copy you how you tie your shoe brothers and sisters.

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So remember your actions next time and if you want your children to have mercy to you, you have mercy to them when they were children.

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That is why Ross was ALLAH Salam said Mala mir Humla Johan who does not give mercy will not receive the mercy. Your children will be the first ones to show you that.

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Remember these words brothers and sisters I'm not going to go into too much details with them.

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Rasul Allah alayhi wa sallam he told us about mostly because it's good for you. It releases many hormones feel good brain chemicals, and it's called the The it gives you a high a good high Hello

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High you'd have to resort to drugs for that just be merciful and is your drug is your Halal drug.

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In addition to boosting oxytocin and boost dopamine

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being calm can also increase serotonin. I know I'm saying all these words, but these are the hormones that make you feel good. Allah put them in us to encourage us so that we can have kindness and mercy to each other.

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Which are neurotransmitters.

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They play like hormones and neurotransmitters. For those who get too technical with me. They're neurotransmitters from the brain and your brain system, and your nervous system that regulate your mood. When you have mostly

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brothers and sisters, when you have kindness and mercy,

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you will smile and you'll laugh and it boosts your immune system for the next 24 hours. When you get angry for one minute, it lowers your immune system for the next four hours. And that is why people will get angry too often you'll find they get sick too often.

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Next morning, they like this

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and their moods are really bad. Why because they were angry all night.

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we'll talk about that soon inshallah.

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So my brothers sisters kindness and mercy also is a treatment for pain. Pain, you actually feel less pain. If you're sick and you have mercy Wallah you let you feel less pain. Subhanallah and this is this is a factual scientific establishment. It lessens depression, and it lessens your anxiety and fears.

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When you have mercy, especially to people you love your family, your children, and the opposite is true.

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My brothers and sisters

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when one of the grandchildren of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam passed away, I think was the child of omocha thermonuclear or the Allahu Anhu man he was only two years old.

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They called the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to come see the child and bury him.

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Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam brought the child to him as the child was dying in his last breaths and he could hear him wheezing and

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having certain painful breaths. When the prophets Allah Salam looked at the child, the Hadith says for filebot aina

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his eyes filled with tears and his tears began to spill down his cheeks sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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and Sodre the Allahu Anhu companion was there he said he rasool Allah Maha a messenger of Allah what are these tears? Like what brought them on? Because he thought that you shouldn't cry?

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Upon death and Ross also assalam said her the Ramadan, sha Allah Allah who he Kulu bi Bedi. He said this is a type of mercy that Allah has placed it in the hearts of His servants. Were in Mar hum Allahu Mina Abadi Rohana Allah gives mercy to the servants of his who are merciful.

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Rasul Salah Salem was merciful to children who were not even related to him and us are the Allahu Anhu he was 10 years old and he learned from the Francois Salah and for the next two years until approx Allah Salam died actually 10 years until the prophets Allah Selim died. The hadith in Bukhari 6038 He said, them to Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ash Rossini female Kadalai ofin Walla Walla, Lima Sanata Allah Allah so not I served and learned from across the law selling for 10 years of my life while law here I never heard him say to me one time

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you know, that statement we say to our parents a lot.

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Come on men.

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is the smallest resentment a word of displeasure to someone you can't get any lower than that. As in like, you can't get a word that is more subtle than everything else. Allahu Allah. Far out, man. Why did you tell him my brother's sister is far out. It's always me. Come on, you slam the doors and stamp your feet. All these is worse than off. He said I've never heard him say

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like annoyance, no expression of annoyance to me. Never did he say to me, why didn't you do what I told you? Nor did he ever sit say to me? Why didn't you instead do that? Why do you have to go and do that? So Allah never said it to me. And he says one time he sent me on an errand.

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And I was late. I went past and I saw children playing.

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And as a child, I looked at them and I just watched them and I forgot

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because it's our child does. And then he said I heard the messenger Salah Salem behind me. He said,

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What happened to the he said,

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he said, What did he say? He didn't say what happened to the errand. He said

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What happened to us? He said, I turned around I saw the prophesy Salem laughing and smiling.

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He enjoyed the fact that I was watching them play and I was enjoying myself. And he said what happened to the Air India and US and he's laughing and smiling giving me comfort that he's not angry with me. And I said to him, I'll go now yeah Rasul Allah, that's also awesome was so merciful that a man came to him and he will could be bold enough not to fear him to reprimand him by asking him the following question. Then libre Zinnia rasool Allah give me permission to commit adultery and messenger of Allah. He did yeah needles also sell them what kind of security did he give his companions that they can come and ask him such a bold question? give me permission to commit Zina.

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That was also a seller Mr. Replying goodness and never judge them. A man entered the masjid a Bedouin who didn't know about toilet etiquettes and he went and urinated at one of the corners of the masjid outside, but he was still within the Masjid. The Companions got up to hit him. Rasulillah Salam said, leave him Let him finish.

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Let him finish.

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Then when he finished he secretly said to some companions without the Bedouin knowing get a bucket of water and just spill it on that and run shallow it'll go, easily solved. Then he called the Bedouin. And he said to him beautiful words. He said, This action is natural, but this is not the place for it. He said, Baby, whoever on me I would rather my father and mother Wallahi no one ever spoke to me in such mercy and kindness as the Prophet sallallahu was and what's the only brothers sisters, when you know that being merciful only bring good than exercise mercy? What possible goodness would it have brought in the process and was angry with him What allowed the companions to

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go in here in what possible goodness was going to bring except harshness easily spilled the water and it's gone. Sometimes we're praying, and somebody passes in front of us, some of us we lose the plot.

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After we finished, we can't wait to abuse them and swear at them, or yell at them. Somebody cuts us off on the road. We can't wait to sweat every word under the sun. Sometimes we forget our children are with us. And then we wonder why they grow up becoming abusive and swearing. Brothers and sisters, it starts there.

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And also Saddam was merciful to women.

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He said he's also been nice, I

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think of the good qualities women have. And you don't always be negative, negative, negative, negative, negative. You know, sometimes bad can change into good. Sometimes you don't like about aerosols as I've said Leofric movement. No believing man should dislike his believing wife or believing sister a believing mother of living in curry Hammond Ah, hello, Colorado.

00:32:46 --> 00:32:50

If he dislikes particular quality about her, there are other good qualities he will be happy with them.

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And we happy with them.

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Russell Salah Salem is the praises wives. It was so I love this about and I love that about you know, of course it's going to change everything. Same with the wife, Sister, tell your husband what you appreciate about him. If he can't say it every day, say it once a month. can't even do that. Say it once every six months. I promise you. He'll think about it for the next six months inshallah pick randomly, randomly, randomly, you always you're all now ready, you're going to bed and you just say you know what?

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I love you. He'll turn around, say what do you want now? If he's used to that, and then you surprise him and say, I've just been thinking about how much you've been working and tiring yourself. And you know, sometimes I say things out of anger and just, I love him. You know, you're good for our kids. somehow break that little barrier.

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Your husband will see you like the queen of the world. Trust me. Well, let me try it. Same with the husbands every day. If you don't know how to say I love you. I know not everybody has the same language. Mercy can be shown in different ways. But try to understand each other's language. That's the secret people have created from different types of soils. Some of the harsh ones, some of the soft ones, some of the easy ones, some of the firm ones, some of them they can't say I love you. I know a couple

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where I said to the brother after 13 years of his marriage. When have you ever said to your wife I love you said Never.

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I said say to her I love you because I can't.

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Why can't you because I just

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can't say I love you just

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said Go try it. Well, I'll try it tonight. Next day I saw him because what happened is I said I love you. I said what happened? I guess she hated it.

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So when the couple was having a bit of problem and they called me and I said sister did you say I love you? You said Yeah, but who?

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doesn't sound right? He's never said it. I don't like it.

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So then I got a bit embarrassed and I said okay, well I guess you've got different languages show your love in a different way.

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I can tell I hate you and maybe that's what it means.

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understand your language. I'm joking about that last one, don't take it seriously. I know people they take every word seriously. Sometimes I try and understand what I'm trying to say, Michelle.

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So brothers and sisters, that's one thing.

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This was as LM finally said, Mel will the RF cafe in lezana Nothing that you applied kindness and mercy to accepted decorates women was the dementia in illusion whatever you take it away from, it will always make it ugly, ugly.

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My brothers and sisters moving on.

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Actually, I'll mention one more beautiful Hadith you love this one about spouses are also Salah Salem once the hadith is in.

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In Buhari that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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He once had a little disagreement with not a disagreement but a little, a little negative experience with his wife Aisha Radi Allahu Anhu something very light. Abu Bakr the Alana was coming to the house of the Prophet SAW Salem and he even arranged the Hadith says first, then to who I asked permission to enter the father of Aisha, the Alana boca de la han. And he said I accidentally heard my daughter raising her voice at the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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naturally without realizing.

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He said When I entered

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I went to rebuke my daughter.

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And I said to her, and he said to her, Ella Araki, that affair heinous Otaki Allah rasool Allah,

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how do I see you raising your voice at the Messenger of Allah Have you forgotten is the messenger of Allah and not just your husband?

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So he approached to tell her off as he got closer, it also sallallahu alayhi wa sallam stood in between Abu Bakr, his father in law and his wife, he wouldn't let him approach more than that.

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And of walking down who stopped obviously, honor to the process, let him kiss his feet. And he moved away out of embarrassment. And he said, Forgive me, rasool Allah, I'll leave you all to it. And I left.

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He said, I returned later after that, and I found them laughing together and joking.

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What did the process LM had done? He said, try it. So Donna says he turned to me it also says I'm turned to me after my father left. And he said to me, haha, Yanni. He didn't say haha, but from the context of the words you can feel like as if that's the kind of feeling he says, go for a teeny Uncas to coin mirror uncle's took him in a Rajan is what do you think of me, I saved you from that man.

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Yeah, and her father. He's joking with her. Men see how my chivalry I saved you.

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And she laughed about that.

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Then the father came back. And when he saw them laughing, he said to them both.

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You have reconciled to you. Let me share in your happiness the same way you made me share in your sorrows and anger.

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And I all started to laugh. So brothers and sisters, this is Rama. This is mercy. Always follow something bad with good. And I say finally, especially with parents. It's normal. Sometimes you'll get angry with each other. Sometimes we'll get angry with each other. Some people that can't hold it. But the best thing is reconcile in front of your children reconcile in front of the people that you've got angry with, if you can, because it shows a message of mercy. And you will learn and people will help you along the way. Sometimes your children will come up and they'll just hug you.

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Why? Because they feel safe. And then you look back at your disagreement and you'll say subhanallah look at my children they felt unsafe before. And now they feel safe. And it makes you that mindset changes and you start growing better character. Now we move on brothers and sisters from Mercy. By the way, Mercy is not just between these mercies to every being mercy is to your neighbors. Mercy is to the animals, to the insects to the ants to your pet. Mercy is to yourself. Mercy is even to your objects. Some people they get upset with the objects and they hit their objects. The classical example is when

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you're going to cringe from this one. Have you ever hit your toe on the edge of a table leg? Or a bed leg? Have you had that today? It happened to me I was walking back my mother goes, Oh,

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I said Ah, the table and then I realized I'm getting angry at something I have no life. What's the table got to do with it? Sometimes we get angry at even objects. Well let's talk about anger. Insha Allah now.

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My dear brothers and sisters, we all know that anger is bad for your health.

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This is an established fact in medical science. It makes you sick more often. It lowers your immune system, people

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There is 9% higher chance of getting a heart attack. It increases your blood pressure. We hear this all for you ethnic brothers and sisters who have Arab parents. Have you ever heard your parents say that after liberty,

00:40:14 --> 00:40:15

my blood pressure went up

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all the time.

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Again gives you more stress. It's bad in most cases, and sometimes it can cause deaths. Isn't that true? Deaths in killing

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brothers and sisters, anger is bad in most cases. But it can be good. In cases where you can bring from anger, a good outcome.

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Anger is not always bad. Sometimes it's a must. And sometimes you get rewarded from Allah for being angry.

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So let's talk about it in sha Allah, what is anger?

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Brothers and sisters anger is a language. It's a language that you express. It's an expression of your feelings and beliefs as a reaction to an event or to people.

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So it's a language you're expressing a feeling, showing a feeling or a belief.

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Unfortunately, most of us are used to getting angry quickly, fast, and some of us are slow.

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And some of us are both. They fast and then they slow and they keep going and going and going. They go back home, they can't sleep. Every time I think about it gets me angry. Next day, one week later, one year later. They're still angry man, we got to keep them wet. This is a sickness, but to work on it and maybe get some help in regulating. Brothers and sisters. Anger is a feeling which is natural. Everybody gets angry. And in fact, Allah subhanho wa Taala he mentions in the Quran for people who have been wronged. He said

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lay your head below who Shahara mineral coal will be so immunol coli Illa Mongolia.

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Lay your head below Hoja hora de su immunol, Colima Illa mythology

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that Allah does not like speaking evil publicly unless one has been wronged. Allah is all hearing all knowing.

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And that's in chapter four verse 148. So there is a way of venting and the last month that has allowed us to vent if you are wrong to truly be just and fair for Allah subhanho wa Taala also said, Well allah God Aman, Shanna, call me na

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da da da da No. Do not let your hatred other people or your anger over people or resentment other people swerve you or cause you to be unjust no rather be just even if you hate someone and you want to take it out on them they've wronged you do it in a just way

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my brothers and sisters ALLAH SubhanA wa Allah says in the Quran

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levena Allah the

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all you will Baba Oh, all you want a girl we mean i Little Boy.

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One girl we mean I know why he won't

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mess you along with him anymore. See me? In sort of Chapter Three 134 Allah says, Those who spend in the way of Allah both in plenty and hardship, who restrain their anger, who restrain their feelings of resentment and rage, and they forgive others. Allah Who loves such good doers, the prophets Allah sallam said, there is no gulp, gulp you know when you drink water you go. Euro, meaning a gulping to restrain your anger. There is no gulp no gulp is greater in value and reward to Allah than the gulping of an anger. The feelings of resentment and rage you hold it you restrain it you go put it down, you swallow it down a servant restraint solely seeking the pleasure or sight of Allah. There

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is no greater goal than the gulping or restraining of anger when you do it seeking the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala This is in measure 418 Also in Buhari

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and others, a man came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and said the Rasul Allah give me advice. He said Lata Don't get angry. Don't get angry. Don't get angry while occasion and you will have paradise but then again I also saw Selim said another Hadith laser Shalida with surah the winning wrestler is not the winning person is not the one who

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is the winning wrestler, in the machete doula the M liquinox are in the lava. Rather the strong person. The strong person is not the winning wrestler, the strong person is the one who can control and manage and direct

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and control their anger at the time of anger. Therefore, you can see from these verses brothers, sisters, and from this hadith are first of all, Allah did not say those who do not get angry. He said those who restrained their anger, meaning you take control of it. Therefore anger is normal. And in the Hadith Francois sallam, he said,

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Those who restrain and control their anger, not those who don't get angry.

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My brother and sisters, I have to give credit to a very an Imam, a scholar and also a psychologist and a therapist by the name of Dr. Yes, sir. And Jose Jaime, where I took some really valuable advice. He speaks in Arabic, it's really good for you guys to listen to him on YouTube be really good with all these psychological mental factors. He says that venting, there are types of people who vent and he names them. He says, some people when they get angry, you have the one the writer. They vent by writing, by texting, by posting by commenting that the people in front of you won't show their anger. Give him space, though, right? One brother, he said, bro,

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my wife said, What about your wife?

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He goes, she goes into a room.

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And then my phone. I go, what about your phone? He goes, have you ever watched the matrix? said yeah, he goes, you know, on the computer, how all those numbers come down like this in green?

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said Yeah, because that's how she sends me essays after essays.

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So that's how she events Habibi, good. What should I do? Gotta respond. Because what if I don't respond? I get another essay. Matrix.

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I sit in white.

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Get a box of chocolate next day and just eat it together? Because is that work? Really? I can try. Have you ever tried it goes no, go try it. Try it. Go ahead. It works. Sometimes it works. Sometimes you need to talk about the problems. But communication is key anyway, the writer. The second type of person events is the blamer. They show their anger by blaming

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everyone's fault except this. Your fault you you, you you that's all as far as they go. The third type of venting person in anger is the one who verbally threatens but does no action. They'll threaten you, but they won't carry it out. The fourth type of person is the violent one, but says nothing. He'll just go for the kill, hit bash, do things and won't say a word you have another type of angry person has called the silent treatment one just go silent. When talk to it's called a stormy silence. The sixth type of person is the silent one. Who will only talk when they feel pain when you've heard them.

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And when they when they explode, they explode. The seventh one is the one who gets angry at nonliving things, situations objects and hits them. Now that's okay, you're not hitting anybody. But just be careful with your furniture and sisters. I mean, you still need to eat on tables, you still need to sleep in your bed, the doors still need to be closed. And the last one is the long haul. One. They do all of that. And they keep going and going these people well life people their life. You know,

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it's very detrimental to you. Brothers and sisters Emanuel has early. One of the great scholars, he says that there is three situations people believe they have a right to get angry for

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the amount of hours their needs were it's a beautiful statement about three situations that people think they have a right to get angry for. Let's look at them. The first one is justified. The second one is falsely justified by the public. And the third one is falsely justified by the individual. Let's have a look at them. The first one is a right to get angry. What is it? It is when basic human rights and necessities are denied or attacked or violated? What are the basic human rights that you have a right to get angry at when people violate them? Number one, religion. Number two, family number three, dignity. Number four, shelter number five, food number six, wealth number seven

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security and number eight, body and health. If any of these are attacked and violated or denied, a person has a right to get angry. They're the basic human rights of anybody. That's understandable and the whole public universally knows this. But how do you get angry? How do you respond? is another question. You get angry you have a right to be angry but how you respond makes a difference. Number two, the second type of anger that people feel they are privileged to or they have the right to get angry is privileges and luxuries and majority of people are like that. Listen to them very carefully brothers, sisters, privileges and luxuries that people think they have a right to get

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00:50:00 --> 00:50:36

about when they are taken away from them status that again angry when they don't see themselves being acknowledged in their status on the big man. Why don't you acknowledge me as big men? Why didn't they promote me, sometimes it happens at work, the boss didn't promote you, I'm gonna get angry, why no need to get angry at them. Number two, reputation. Number three, they get upset for not being able to stand out, someone else stood out instead of them. Number three, when they don't get power number four, when they don't get leadership in position. Number six, when they don't get the praise that they think they deserve. And the compliments they don't get compliments for

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something they did, or extravagance, meaning that they get angry when they don't get more money and extravagance and luxury like everyone else. When someone gets in their way, they get angry at them, they want to kill everyone. They want to bash everyone. And most people, brothers and sisters transform these privileges into

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basic human necessities. They think these are human rights. They are not human rights. Don't mix those majority of people with sadness and sorrow, they transform these privileges which are these these things which are meant to be privileges and luxuries, into necessities? Why I have the right I must be promoted. I must be mentioned, I must be complimented. I must be acknowledged, I must stand out. I must be the person who has the most, I must have the looks why? Why don't I get the views, I must get the views, I must get the way other people and they get angry over these things. And I'll turn the world upside down.

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These people brother and sisters have changed privileges and luxuries into necessities that they think they have a right to brand Sisters, we don't have a right to get angry with them. There's no need.

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You stay in your status. And we talked last week about building yourself and your self esteem. And the third thing Emanuela has earned he says that people think they have a right to is their personal perspectives. Something that's private to them, not public. So for example,

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they get angry from the opinions of others

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about their opinion. Someone challenges your opinion you get angry,

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or criticism of others to your opinion.

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Or when a person writes a book or makes a post or a podcast, and their words or their podcasts, whatever it is really killed. They say How dare they ridicule my work? How dare they touch my book in a bad way? I wrote that book, I have a right. They must honor it. They must respect they get angry. Or people who look at your car or your house and they don't compliment it and they say it's an ugly house. They get angry. I worked hard for that. How dare they say stuff like that? Or your personal looks? Some people are so used to being praised for their looks and their skills and whatever, that they feel I'm privileged I have to I'm entitled. Why? Why are they given more

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attention to that person? Sometimes it looks it happens a lot with with females but also happens with males too. When it comes to gym and stuff like that. And girls with their looks and all that stuff. They fight and They bicker and there's innuendo and gossip and they over really it's over that. So person looks or skills not being praised and so on. These are personal things that you yourself think I should be praised for. My dear brothers and sisters.

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Anger as I said, I'm almost done. Anger is natural. But managing your anger is what a Muslim must learn to do.

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Brothers and sisters, Allah has Imams Shafia he says many stole the Bible. I'm yellow dot for Hawaii.

00:53:39 --> 00:53:39


00:53:41 --> 00:54:14

does something that you rightfully should be angry about and you still don't get angry then you are a donkey. That's what Imam Shafi was some other settlers Jaffa saw the conundrum for Saudi consider the point is the correct statement. Woman is totally well I'm here though. For her shaitan whoever someone does something for them to please them and just calm them down and they don't calm down. They're not pleased than they are devils meaning the devil is controlling them. You can't get no one can calm you down or get pleased. And if you are supposed to be angry at something you don't get angry then you're a donkey. What are the things you get angry about the basic necessities? Your

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Honor, Your pride, your deen for example for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala person got angry. But brothers and sisters at the end of the day, it's how you deal with that anger. Number one, remember, be just take a step back and take a breath. Ask people who are wise. How should you deal with that? Don't take things personally. And remember, how should I react? What is a better way to react to bring better outcomes? Sometimes I get asked this question I said what do we do about these people who burned the Quran? Should we go and bash them and do a raid? I said absolutely not. Why? What's that going to benefit thing? But I'm angry. Yes Good that you are angry. Anger shows that you love

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the Quran. Anger shows that you love your deen anger shows that the words of ALLAH important to you. By the way you can't make us

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Don't get angry at that if you love your deed you will naturally feel the anger inside. By

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going and bashing and doing things and talking, you got to know why are these people burning the Quran because they want to sensationalize it, they want to spread it, they want to recruit other people to think like them to continue burning pot. And so the moment you give them more attention, you've just given them you know, you've you've made a new algorithm that's gonna go all the way every bit they'll become viral. And then you'll get the latest coming in to say oh look, they're doing it they're doing and they'll just start doing it more. But also I sent him for example, said Let Allah says not gonna let the soup budino on Facebook.

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Ad one world Holman Do not swear or abuse their religions because then they will swear and abuse your religion with enmity and oppression. So the idea is you got to think sometimes also Allah Samantha also said in the Quran, Don't raise your voice in the masjid when you're reciting the Quran very loud and don't make it too low and be balanced. Why? Because some of the most tricky and the disbelievers at that time when they heard the Quran, they would swear at the Quran. So we said lower it and don't make it too high. Meaning if you know people are going to be provoked by it, just keep it small, some people. I've seen people many times, especially some people who got this amazing love

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for the dean, but they do it the wrong way. So they've got this subwoofers in their cars, roll down all the windows and then they drive through a peck street. Oh gosh, I once saw them drive through a street. I was going to do a marriage for someone up in St Kilda and you know, it's a place of haram you know, they go into the street and they pump up the Quran. And why did you go and choose that place? Or in a sheep to Dawa bro. That's not that well, that's not how it works. I love your intentions. That's not the Dawa Habibi, they're going to sing and dance and it's their line and a lot of them are drunk some of them got drugs, some of them they're not in their right mind pumping

00:56:54 --> 00:57:04

that music they might go oh, that's voodoo or that's magic and they see patterns and think you haven't done anything that is not the right place to go some people may swear and abuse and so on.

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So be careful about if it's an ego or if it's for the sake of Allah and and get wisdom some people

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they do all sorts of things you know they get angry at people on the internet because they abuse the Prophet sallallahu Sallam Of course you should be angry for that. But remember by your replying What have you done? What have you stopped? Don't even reply to them. They'll just go like just another fish in the sea. Because they want to reaction anyway brothers sisters, these are things that we need to think about and controller anger in last few notes inshallah.

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Some people, they will blame their parents for their anger. They'll say, Well, I it's a genetic I inherited it. There's no studies that have no studies have proven that you inherit anger, anger is learned. So you can work on yourself and it's a will, if you cannot restrain anger, then withhold harming or oppressing others. One

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segment Pharisee great component from Salem, a man came to him and said, Give me advice here Salomon. And he said to him, don't get angry. He said, I can't. He says Don't get angry. He said I can't. I have to get angry. Some people they can't truly. So then he said to him,

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okay, then, then restrain your tongue and hands when you get angry. So if you can't hold yourself, some people truly they can't. And they've tried. At least stop your hands and your mouth from abusing or harming people. Go and sit at the wall. Go for a jog and swear at the whatever you want. You see a bird you say? Whatever. Don't even swear at the birds turn on but I mean, avoid harming people do what you can to listen. We always say when problems happen.

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If you can't solve it, minimize it. If you can't minimize it, distract yourself and employ yourself go for a run, go for a job move away. Some people will say what if that doesn't work? I'm in the car. Someone cuts me off right there and then I'm going to do it. Let me teach you something about psychology brothers sisters, it takes 10 seconds. It takes 10 seconds

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10 seconds

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for your intelligent, logical conscious brain

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to talk to you.

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After you experience a moment of anger, anger goes straight to the front.

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If you can wait first of all 10 seconds you start to think then take a breath

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really hard. It'll increase the blood flow inshallah.

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Because your veins get restricted so you increase the blood flow flow.

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Number three, don't take a personal say why am I upset for example, the person who crossed in front of you. You've crossed in front of other people to the other day is person crossing in front of me. I'm going to work over your Allah show.

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Huseby hola que hola deke.

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I'm saying My God guide you and His person crosshair I got angry but then I remembered what Allah crossed in front of people to have done it many times this person doesn't mean it. Someone got angry tell you one of you has to be the Muslim the other has to be the Rika the Muslim means that the fixer and the wrecker Which one do you want to be, you can train yourself brothers and sisters over time to listen to insha Allah.

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Brothers and sisters, honey, if we can't do courses about it, read books about it. Watch, even go on YouTube, there are people who talk about how to work around psychology of anger. Try and note them down. Learn try to improve yourself by doing all these things. Insha Allah who died.

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My brothers and sisters, I will end up with this that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he himself used to get angry, and he's to get pleased.

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We're not here to tell you don't ever get angry. We're here to tell you learn how to manage your anger. And control it bit by bit insha Allah who died. We're telling the parents to be role models. We're telling you to learn and get advice on how to work on yourself. Insha Allah. And if you do get angry, reconcile quickly, how do you reconcile for a believer it's easy. When you remember this, when you remember they have judgment. When you go to a funeral, when you visit a sick person. When you look at other people who are less privileged than you, when you look at other people's problems, when you remember that Allah is going to make you stand. Well, Allah I know people, they've gotten

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upset and then they ended up after six months, they ended up going to a funeral. They remember death, a friend of theirs died, they come out. And they had each other said, I don't know why we weren't talking to each other for six months. But look, we're going to end up in his grave. If it's not going to affect you in five years time. It's not worth it. You go to sleep other you can't go to sleep, other people you're angry at they're probably sleeping and you're the only one who's suffering. Remember, you're only harming yourself. And also Selim said in nama Anna Bashar, I am also a human. He said, I'll come out here to tell Bashar I get pleased the way people get pleased.

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Well, I'll double come I have a love with Bashar I also get angry the way humans get angry for in nema. And then he said,

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and I even asked Allah, Oh Allah, if I say something out of anger or pleasure, and that person doesn't deserve it out of anger, sorry, and that person doesn't deserve it. Then change what I said to being a mercy and forgiveness for them. Obviously, it also saw Selim never ever said anything out of line, out of line. But he even said that to give us comfort that he is a human like us. And one Sahabi Abdullah and Amara used to write all the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So what so people from Kadesh came to him and said, Look what the messengers Allah Salam said, he said, he gets angry, and he gets pleased, and you're writing everything. He says, What if you write something

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where he's angry? And so the love and oh my god, whispers he said, Oh my god, maybe I am writing things that shouldn't be written. So he went to the prophets, Allah sent him said, The Rasul Allah since you get angry and pleased, I don't know, should I keep writing what you say? He said, Ross was Arsalan pointed to his own mouth gospels, Isaiah and went like this. He said,

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booktube right, what I say, for leadin fcbd by the one who possesses my soul in his hand, I do not say except to the truth and right. Even when I'm angry, I speak the truth. October.

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So he began writing all the Hadith the prophet that I sell, for the messengers never say even in anger or pleasure, they only say what is right, or what is a societal construct. Like for example, I suppose I said, I'm said to an orphan child, a girl, when he saw her once says, is it you? I remember when you were small, she was an orphan child sponsored by almost salon. And he said, you said Subhanallah you've grown up and then he said me your youth always stay. So she went and cried to almost Elaine says why are you crying says the promises that I made a door that are always stay young. That means I will never damage I'm going to die before before getting older.

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So she went to the Bronx, Allah Salem and said, Yeah, rasool Allah. Yeah, she's crying because you've made a dua against they said, What did I say? Said you said to him, may your youth always be there, it means that she will never get off he's gonna die young.

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And then he laughs Allah Salam at the innocence and he said, Subhan Allah says, didn't you hear I made I asked the last panel data that if I said anything that was misunderstood to turn it into mercy and forgiveness for that person. What was also SLM never says except the truth, these are societal constructs. Sometimes you say something that the community knows and you don't really mean and also as I used to say it and you're not holding held accountable for them. So brothers and sisters, I hope insha Allah the Hadith, by the way, is so here in Abu Dawood and others and it is mutawa which means many companions narrated by the sisters I'll stop here now in sha Allah and I

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hope in sha Allah even stood the difference between

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Mercy and when to use it what not to anger and how to use it and when it's good and when not to. And I'm not saying to you don't get angry there are times when people lower you, or attack your dignity or your honor, or any of your basic humanity, you must get angry and you should speak out. But you don't have to become unjust. You don't have to go Psycho and crazy. You can be firm and say, I do not accept that you can even raise your voice if needs be. And sometimes, if your anger if you know that that anger will lead to justice and lead to people stopping their oppression, then get angry and raise your voice and be angry. There are even times in Santa Rosa Salem in times of war and

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battle, where Abu Bakr Alana himself even said, a very rude word to one of the enemies, which destroyed his morale. And that's part of warfare. So anger is good. Sometimes, it can also, and I'll say this as well, sometimes, so long as you're not harming anyone. Sometimes if you have low self esteem, or you're not brave, or you're afraid to do something, and you have low confidence, sometimes anger comes in to give you confidence and bravery. If you know that, that will make you do something good and encourage you that anger is good, but you don't go using that anger to harm others or yourself. So anger can be good, and it can make you better even Allah subhanaw taala gets

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angry, so it is a good virtue. But using it in the wrong way is a bad virtue and getting angry for the wrong reasons is about virtue. How there was Salalah who wanted to be in a Muhammad while early wasabia Germaine

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