Dealing with the Psychological Challenges of Pregnancy

share this pageShare Page
Bela Khan

Channel: Bela Khan

Episode Notes

A significant percentage of women experience some kind of depression or another in their lives. Pregnant women in particular, need utmost support to ensure the well-being of the mother and the unborn baby. Appetite changes, feeling hopeless, thoughts of suicide and change in sleeping patterns are some of the signs to look out for. In this video, you will learn about the different signs of depression, what kind of consequences can occur because of depression, the effect depression has on a pregnant woman and baby, how to deal with depression by using the gift of Islam in your lives.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:30--> 00:01:15

This is Asha not your host but the session. I welcome you all to I owe us first ever online conference on psychological well being the late 2015. Today is day two of the conference and we have finished two mind blowing sessions still now. Hope you all are having a wonderful and unsymmetric time. This is the third session for the evening and aside to pregnancy and depression, the Speaker of the session at the sybella Khan. Before I hand over the session to Sr baileigh. Please allow me to introduce her to you all. Today Lacan is a life coach, author and speaker. She trains passion driven women to come out of the misery bossy obstacles and live a life of fulfillment by making a

00:01:15--> 00:01:47

difference in this world. Articles appear and understand the Koran heavy the halaqa productive Muslim and Saudi life. She has many certifications in the field of personal development, success, relationship, entrepreneurship and leadership. She also has diplomats in Koran and heavy she is passionate about empowering women to rise to the potential that Allah created in order for us to lead mankind to a higher status without further delay presenting vistabella let's get started until next

00:01:49--> 00:01:51

time, how to shape on our team.

00:01:54--> 00:01:56

Driver shortly surgery is early Md

00:01:58--> 00:02:03

cocconi Robin Sharma. A lot more practitioners have been a karate kung

00:02:04--> 00:02:06

fu everyone how you guys doing?

00:02:09--> 00:02:14

So we are going to be covering pregnancy and depression

00:02:15--> 00:02:19

I hope and pray to Allah Allah to make it official for Allah

00:02:22--> 00:02:26

so depression pregnant woman started little bit off.

00:02:27--> 00:02:30

Really my voice is long thing, quite a

00:02:35--> 00:02:48

sophisticated 3% of feminine clinical depression or anxiety or an anxiety disorder at some point in pregnancy, you will see that these stats might differ. But

00:02:49--> 00:02:55

the point is that a very significant portion of women they do suffer with

00:02:56--> 00:03:10

depression during the lesson, inshallah those who for the people, my wife is struggling in Ukraine inshallah log out and log in, and inshallah the rest of you can get this essentially.

00:03:14--> 00:03:51

What are the symptoms of depression? So how would you identify if you are depressed or not, right? So, being in a depressed mood, most of the times that we no longer enjoying the things that used to enjoy, it's a it's a psychological condition, in which you do not enjoy the ones pleasurable activities right, decrease interest in the world around us just lying down, just hiding your face on the pillow. And you're not participating in day to day activities that we use to build a sense of worthlessness and low energy levels to the

00:03:55--> 00:04:05

other symptoms include poor concentration, appetite changes, feeling hopeless thoughts of two sides, getting too much or too late.

00:04:08--> 00:04:32

Then, if you talk about anxiety disorder, some of the symptoms include excessive one that's difficult to control, the more it has, okay, but if you're getting worried very excessively, and you're just getting too much out of control, and there might be sublimated irritability, pregnant women do get irritated very easily because there are so many hormonal changes so many physiological changes are going on inside your body. So

00:04:33--> 00:04:51

it's okay but irritability again, it increases to an extent where it becomes a very troublesome then you need to get alert controller, some insurer muscle aches, disrupted sleep patterns, feeling restless inside fatigue and concentration.

00:04:52--> 00:04:57

Some risk factors for anxiety and depression. Remember all the women they are prone to

00:04:58--> 00:04:59

you know, depression.

00:05:00--> 00:05:43

During pregnancy, but then there are some risk factors, which increase the likelihood of having depression or generalized anxiety disorder. Stay tuned in this quickly discuss these, or one by one personal or family history of depression or anxiety. So if you had a history of depression, if you had it earlier, then the likelihood of having depression insurgency increases, right. So be careful inshallah Dean, the young mother, if a girl is very onion, she has not come out of her own childhood, and she is not psychologically ready to be as significant again, the chances of having depression included having very poor social support. So inshallah we'll be talking more about it in

00:05:43--> 00:05:46

a while, but a pregnant woman

00:05:47--> 00:06:30

social support, remember, especially if you are, if you are among those who are surrounding that pregnant woman, then please try to understand understand her situation, she is going through so much physiological changes, so much psychological changes, she is not able to do the things that she was able to do earlier. Right? So how, how would you feel if you could, you know, lift a box, just one month ago, and now you cannot do it, if you could concentrate on everything you were doing. And now you can you cannot concentrate on your studies or anything, how would you feel naturally, if you could do something earlier that you cannot now do, it generally makes you irritable. So the people

00:06:30--> 00:06:42

who are surrounding them, I usually encourage those people a lot have lots of seminar have lots of patience, because this is the time that she needs your support, like nothing is and it's just not

00:06:43--> 00:07:04

for the sake of that pregnant woman, it's also for the sake of the child who's coming, right. So having poor social support might might include, you know, having very troubling in laws, lots of cases come to me when you know, pregnant women Subhanallah, the last year, the lady was in her nine months, and the in laws were making her life.

00:07:05--> 00:07:25

So it gets very troublesome if you have a fourth social support system, or the husband doesn't understand you or you know, you have you don't have any shoulder to cry on. Or if you're living alone, you usually you know, if a girl gets mad at in another country, far away from parents, and husband goes to the office and you have no one to talk to, that also increases the chances of having

00:07:26--> 00:07:31

depression, then we have experiencing marital conflict.

00:07:32--> 00:08:10

So, again, husband is not supportive enough, what happens is that when these young men D, all of a sudden, they, you know, get into marriage, and then all of a sudden, then they you know, get into the experience of becoming a father, what happens is that, you know, they don't know what's happening. And sometimes they get so confused that either the wife is pregnant or the husband is pregnant, because the husband becomes more integral than the wife. And he says that I need time I need a yes, man, you need time. But if you do not know how to deal with it, then learn how to deal with it, you know, go through the articles as much as as much as the ladies need to, you know, learn

00:08:10--> 00:08:39

about pregnancy and all these things, which we'll come to later. But also the husbands they need to learn about, you know, how to deal with a pregnant woman how to deal with a pregnant wife how to make her happy. You know, a lot of sisters complain, you know, if we get irritable, during pregnancy, our husband is more irritable, you know, it gets really nasty. So the husband has to be very supportive, he just has to be, you know, just like your parents who are supportive, selflessly, and they're just doing whatever they need, you know,

00:08:41--> 00:08:47

whatever the girl wants, or whatever the daughter wants. So little act of

00:08:49--> 00:08:52

love, it cherishes the experience. So you know,

00:08:54--> 00:09:14

she was telling me that someone she knew you would bring something to eat every day that she like neediness, ice cream, or chocolate or whatever she likes. So just show little gestures of love. And this went to strengthen the bond and also encourage all the men to learn about how to deal with the pregnant women great opening night.

00:09:16--> 00:09:59

So if you're experiencing marital conflict, that it can lead to a situation worse, of course, if the husband is not supportive enough, if the husband is abusive, either he's abusing physically or is abusing psychologically. And I noticed very unfortunate that in some cultures, you know, there is no concept of psychological torture. And unless the girl comes back to whom burned or bruised, the parents would not realize what is she going through. So anyway, then if you are divorced, if you are a widow, you single mothers, they have much more responsibilities, so it gets more difficult for them. Having experienced traumatic and stressful events in the past year, so maybe someone new

00:10:00--> 00:10:07

Loved, he or she died. And you know, the brain in the dream is not yet over complete, right? So

00:10:08--> 00:10:25

then chances of having depression increases. Remember, there was a woman whose father died and she conceived of a very short way. And she was depressed throughout the pregnancy because she could not get over the pain of losing her father and then pregnancy also showed up,

00:10:26--> 00:10:26

then

00:10:32--> 00:11:05

unplanned pregnancy. Now this is very common. Sometimes you know, you do not plan a pregnancy and it happens. You are not ready to become a mother or the guy was not ready to become a father. Or, you know, you had already got so many kids and now you're expecting again, this may also lead to severe depression. And you know, what does a lady do? She makes it worse by repeating it over and over again. Oh, this pregnancy was unplanned, oh, you know, I did not want another child or this pregnancy, I'm too young. And the more they repeated, the more they hurt themselves. Right.

00:11:06--> 00:11:09

Next is redundancy complications, I'll go through this quickly.

00:11:12--> 00:11:48

So for example, you have high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other physical condition that can make it worse. No income finance is a very important factor. Remember, if you are struggling financially, financially, many thoughts they occupy you, you know, how am I going to provide for the newborn? Where is the food gonna come from where the where the food is gonna come from? And this mostly happens with people who have less of a cologne Allah because Allah says when I send a child, the risk is unmeasured. So, I will I have seen parents who are even worried about the university fees of the new ones, I swear upon Allah

00:11:49--> 00:11:54

Subhan Allah need to take things easy with me, we will discuss

00:11:55--> 00:11:56

how to

00:11:58--> 00:12:08

deal with all these inshallah. So all these sectors, and they would combine to increase the risk of having pregnancy or anxiety during

00:12:10--> 00:12:50

pregnancy. Now, what's the effect of depression? Remember, a lot of people especially who are less educated, they do not understand the concept of depression. And that makes things worse for the pregnant women. Because sometimes, you know, pain is especially in LA The thing is, she's just trying to seek attention. She's just trying to seek attention somehow she has already gotten attention by being pregnant, right? And handler lamp. So the way I said marriage, conflict, divorces, financial responsibilities, and so can lead the woman is working also, then it can increase the likelihood of having depression. And what happens to the kid? What happens to the child

00:12:50--> 00:13:22

if the woman is suffering with depression? malformation, growth retardation, spontaneous, spontaneous abortion, so is the babies aborted? You know, you had a miscarriage and you don't know what happened, oh, well, she was having depression and nobody knew preterm delivery, smaller brain teaser babies cry a lot and they're very hard to soothe mostly visual problems in adolescence and adulthood. So the effect is not just on the babies, it's a very far reaching effect of your depression. That's why it's so very important to

00:13:24--> 00:13:29

so very important to deal with depression, lower neurological test scores.

00:13:30--> 00:13:36

And these are just a few of them, because time does not permit me to get into the detail of each of them. So inshallah you have

00:13:38--> 00:13:46

just finished treatment is concerned, let me introduce you to 360 degree wellness program. And

00:13:48--> 00:13:51

according to this, you know,

00:13:52--> 00:13:56

we actually deal with all the aspects of human needs

00:13:57--> 00:14:10

with this program. So, remember human beings, they have four kinds of needs or their four spectrums of needs, that have to be fulfilled on that. So, you have spiritual needs, mental needs emotional intensity.

00:14:12--> 00:14:20

Now, please understand this concept pretty clearly because the rest of the presentation is not going to make sense if you do not understand this concept completely or clearly.

00:14:21--> 00:14:43

Remember, in order for us to function properly, these needs have to be met. And they have to be in perfect harmony with each other ways. It shouldn't be like, you are neglecting one area and focusing a lot on the other you have to be in harmony with each other, right? If you neglect one area, the other area will be affected. So inshallah

00:14:44--> 00:15:00

we just want to be having a look at it from the perspective of a pregnant woman because what happens is that when you're pregnant, these needs are challenged a little bit, you know, the increase a little bit and you have to be more meticulous and taken care of

00:15:00--> 00:15:03

for yourself, and you know, helping yourself to meet.

00:15:05--> 00:15:09

So we'll start with the physical needs, inshallah, so you started,

00:15:11--> 00:15:12

especially,

00:15:13--> 00:15:16

the first one is the most important one, we'll start with the spiritual.

00:15:17--> 00:15:36

So, remember, for us, spirituality is the biggest and greatest need is to call human interest Muslims or non Muslims. If this one is neglected, and you are taking care of all other areas, it will still be a great goal,

00:15:37--> 00:15:40

big gap, and you will never feel fulfilled.

00:15:41--> 00:15:42

Right?

00:15:44--> 00:16:29

You know, I'll give you a quick example. Sometimes you would have seen, you know, depressed patients or depressed patients, and people have it all in terms of new material things, the physical needs are being met, they're wearing designer clothes, or, you know, driving your Lexus, or whatever cars in the market these days are in their intellectual leads, if you talk to them about holidays, all that they have intellectual approach to everything, you know, how to deal with their emotions, but the only area that's neglected is spirituality. It's totally compromised, it's totally neglected. It's just that, you know, we are fulfilling all the needs of the body, and mind and heart to the

00:16:29--> 00:16:49

soul is screening. And nobody is nobody's listening. And remember, that's the major area, and that doesn't need a reason for depression. And remember, that's also a major reason of the fact that more and more psychologists are now integrating religious treatment into this therapy, because earlier in August 2000,

00:16:50--> 00:17:33

less research on the effect of privileges, or treatment, you know, on patients and integrate religious treatment into therapy, if it's our work or not this panel and other more and more researches which are supporting the side that integrate religious treatment to your therapy, then it's definitely going to make it more effective. So, some of the ways in which we can fulfill our spiritual needs naturally, time does not permit me to get into the detail of all the needs the some of which are very important. Let's have a look at it. gratitude. So gratitude, why have I chosen it, because that's the easiest and quickest way to be happy and take control of your negative emotions,

00:17:33--> 00:17:33

right?

00:17:34--> 00:17:59

You can't tell us this thing. And you feel like the depression subsides to a great extent and many research show that people who are grateful demo positive demo happy demo applies and dramatically reduces the level of stress dramatically decreases, decreases the depression and anxiety. So first thing that I can do demand is to maintain and gratitude through.

00:18:00--> 00:18:07

Remember, Pregnancy itself is a huge, huge blessing, whether it is planned or not. Or even if you have a dozen kids, right?

00:18:09--> 00:18:47

researchers, we also show that mothers who resented being pregnant, they had children with more emotional problems. So Allah, Allah, Allah has given you something, cherish it. Because the less contrast is, perhaps you don't like a thing that is higher in it for you, this is better for you. Right? Just noting down all the things in your gratitude journal, again in Lansing, even if you have a dozen kids, it doesn't matter. So if you you know, notice and start writing down these little things, you know, they will make you happy, oh my BDK done. Maybe we did this. And today I'm feeling it. I'm like and all that. So you know, you start enjoying the experience and gratitude, do

00:18:47--> 00:18:49

something nationally, and

00:18:51--> 00:19:14

also the facilities in front that you know, if you're grateful that I will give you more, so you never know that this DVD might be a source of immense happiness, immense pleasure, and you know, a lot more than a gift to people through their children. So you know, don't sabotage the experience by you know, being short sighted that doesn't take or I did not want to be

00:19:15--> 00:19:32

a mother right now. It's always always Allah Allah planning woman woman Oh, no credit in La Creme de plan. And I would say we plan and Allah plan that allows the best, right? So the more it is a slippery slope submit,

00:19:33--> 00:19:38

the easier it's going to be for us to accept and enjoy the experience.

00:19:40--> 00:19:41

Salah t

00:19:43--> 00:19:45

takes Alavi seriously.

00:19:47--> 00:19:59

You know, this is a direct relation between us and Allah. So please do teach us to take proper care of your Salah. I know it becomes difficult sometimes because you have this. You're having nausea.

00:20:00--> 00:20:29

You're having weakness and all that. So remember that you have been given ease. If you can pray standing and sit down, take it easy. Meditation is also reported to reduce stress and for us Muslims so what can be a better meditation than Salaam Salaam proper shoe is the finest form of meditation I wouldn't compare a lot of meditations alive is much more than for us than just mere act of meditation with all the benefits of meditation comes to us Muslim. Just

00:20:30--> 00:20:32

you know, by performing this alone,

00:20:34--> 00:20:35

then recitations.

00:20:38--> 00:21:17

You know, apart from everything else, this is the best time to introduce your baby to US, Canada, right? There's so much negativity all around us these days that there is no way to connect your there's no better way to connect your baby to Alice pantalla density devastation, you know, now your reason for education is twofold. One is that you want to maintain your own connection with the last pinata. Second is that you would want your child to connect with Allah and listen to the entire for an his or her mother's own ways. Right? So research tell us that a sixth out

00:21:18--> 00:21:58

just to be on the safe side, a six month old fetus can move his body to the rhythm of his mother's speech. So you know, if he can move his body to the mothers of their datings is the best gift that you can give to your daddy is recitation of Quran and wanting them to walk panthella through this. Also, by doing this, we can expect them to turn out the righteous bias and corsola paradata what the researchers have also proven that music has an effect on her unborn child and that they are able to recognize it once there are 100 so you can always replace music with the best

00:21:59--> 00:22:39

voice in the world that is a parent and I On a side note very quickly, when you read the Quran, just you know do not read it for the sake of you know, making your tweet more effective or just you know, that's also part of it. But remember to connect with the Quran, you know, look for the verses that might connect to your situation open with invention. Okay, let's ponder What message do you have for me today? How which words can make my situation better? What do you want me to do today? You know, how do you want me to overcome my depression? What tips do you have for me today? Right. So when you will decide for and with this intention, you will have a sort of personal message from Allah

00:22:39--> 00:22:50

subhanaw taala every new person just from Allah subhanaw taala every day, and it will help you to overcome your depression like nothing else can. Okay, let's move on so far.

00:22:52--> 00:23:32

So are deficient in anxiety, mostly, they are the result of our own sins you never know. So the best remedy we can have is that we can do so far, because when you do the financial returns are erased. And then the effect of Pearson's are also raised, which is depression. So the depression will disappear automatically. Remember, if you are struggling financially, again, it's the Fall is one of the best ways to bring more Baraka in your life. Because the last one, the law says if you print this apart, then ever provide for you from where you cannot even imagine, right, my mother tells me that we are four siblings, and she tells me that with me break, like me and my brothers with every

00:23:32--> 00:23:39

birth, my father got promotion to handle. So it makes me so happy that last month Allah has

00:23:40--> 00:23:46

you know, he has a plan. That's why we say that allows the best planner. So

00:23:47--> 00:24:05

one last thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to essentially, you know, you wouldn't want to have the negative effects of Pearson on your children. So me in constant state of support this is a reminder to myself first and make lots and lots of dials in Sharla.

00:24:06--> 00:24:35

So that it Mashallah Mia actually happy to know that your relationship with a lover because ultimately your relationship with the law determines everything. You know, Allah laws, they're so strong that if we break one law for love, you have to pay the price. So you know, try to fulfill all your fries. make him happy making your best friend, talk to him. 347 you know if you're having any trouble, Okay, last month, I'm feeling nauseated.

00:24:37--> 00:24:51

I'm not, you know, I don't feel like getting up and praying. So the way sometimes I record I cannot do it. Please, Aleksandra, you do it for me in a moment later, I feel the energy to do something that I am supposed to do. Right. So

00:24:53--> 00:25:00

ultimately, remember, if you if you're suffering with anything, just try recall. If you have broken anything

00:25:00--> 00:25:09

local Las panatela they will quickly use the quicker you fix it inshallah, the quicker allows and upon Allah will fix your problems in sha Allah.

00:25:12--> 00:25:14

Okay, let's talk a little bit about mentally

00:25:15--> 00:25:18

reading taking care of depression stress. So

00:25:19--> 00:25:25

I always encourage the pregnant women to educate themselves, you know,

00:25:27--> 00:26:05

if you're learning swimming, or if you're learning too quick to cook or you know, you buy a recipe book and you're new, learn all about the measurement and all that stuff. So pregnancy is also an experience where you need to get you have to listen to, you know, your mothers, your onset, Whosoever there are so many kind of unwanted suggestion givers around us, but you also want to educate yourself, you have some mental needs. So you read books, attend programs that can help you to discover more about pregnancy and how to overcome the challenges, right? It's just, you know,

00:26:06--> 00:26:43

learning to you know, memorizing the recipe before cooking something or just knowing the depth of the swimming pool before diving in it, it will, you know, learning saves you a lot of time because a person who has not learned something, you will learn it by trial and error. And trial and error editor takes a lot of time. Right? It's just that if you're feeling lousy, I take you will try it in one thing, it doesn't work, you'll eat another thing, it doesn't work, you learn anything and maybe the 10th thing will work right and if you have taken a course or if you have read it somewhere that okay, if I'm feeling nauseated, I should take a ginger tea. No, it will save you so much trouble it

00:26:43--> 00:26:45

will save you so much time does that make sense?

00:26:49--> 00:26:50

Okay.

00:26:51--> 00:27:03

So, take help, you can always talk to an experienced person, maybe a doctor or someone you know, you can learn from the experience, but definitely there are things that you would want to do differently you would not want to blindly follow

00:27:05--> 00:27:29

someone's depression I just a little bit here because my depression is related to mental needs with play strongly. So are the best moments just equal to a depressed child and research they again tell us that a mother's depression guitars the normal growth of a child and affects his or her memory and learning in later life, it also leads the child to become fearful.

00:27:30--> 00:28:09

So, again, the mother's depression is a very far reaching effect. And you know your mental condition would affect the mental condition of the child. So if you are feeling depressed down, you have to make an extra effort to get up and you know, bring yourself back to life again, stress quickly it is all stress because stress produces a hormone called catcalling and it affects the nervous system of the child. So if you're fighting with your husband, if you have work overload whatever stress it is, learn the techniques to resolve stress and resolve it as quickly as you can.

00:28:11--> 00:28:28

And when we talk about reading reading also includes you know reading out loud to your child you know even if the child is not inborn, you know, the VI starts where the child is born. So it will instill the habit of learning in your children later on in life and if you cannot do it alone, then maybe you would want to

00:28:29--> 00:28:38

you would want to seek help from your hubby and maybe sometimes he could read it out so the child becomes accustomed to the father's voice as well. And and you know sometimes

00:28:39--> 00:28:47

you can read our controller to reading is a very good habit to meet your mental needs. Please try to include that in yourself.

00:28:49--> 00:28:51

Okay, emotional needs upon law.

00:28:55--> 00:29:35

Again, prenatal assertions believes that there is something between mothers thoughts and feelings and how her baby feels. And that from six months on a preborn baby can have a six month old preborn baby can share mother's emotions aware hormones associated with them. Great so as the baby is growing, she's constantly he or she is constantly receiving messages from you. And the baby responds to the sounds are about 20 weeks into pregnancy. Right and left when the law says it's important to talk to them. Right so it just baby You know, Daddy's coming and you know, baby, mommy's getting ready, and I'm going to pray. And you know, don't get mommy when she's praying and all these nice

00:29:35--> 00:29:41

things. She would experience I used to do it with my daughter when she was not born and still doing it. So,

00:29:42--> 00:29:43

you know,

00:29:45--> 00:29:52

it really bonds you with the baby, right? So I'm going to read out for you focus and

00:29:53--> 00:29:59

it's just like you're letting the baby know what's going on in the outer world. Right. And the other thing is if you have the size of an image

00:30:00--> 00:30:27

You know the gender, then call them names, right? Rather than calling baby colonies, whatever it is musasa or Ayesha, whatever it is. So this is also a way to strengthen the emotional bond with the baby hugging hot people more often because it produces a hormone called oxytocin. oxytocin is also known as love hormones. So nehs Mashallah. So oxytocin, it has increased stress and poor social effects, I'll do it very quickly.

00:30:28--> 00:30:49

So visualize what is visualization. visualization is you can, you know, you can visualize a very happy family. And, you know, maybe you can visualize that you and your husband and the baby's going out. And, you know, they're chilling, going to carnation playing with the ball and all these things, when you imagine all these good things, you know, again, happy hormones will be

00:30:54--> 00:31:02

start feeling happy. And then you know, who care about depression when you're visualizing all these good things, right? And

00:31:03--> 00:31:05

relationship with a spouse, again,

00:31:07--> 00:31:44

you need to ask for something, right? Ask for the love. And supposedly I was telling my husband, that I need your support, I need your unconditional love, right? I can go crazy sometimes. And you still have to love me and you still have to make me realize that, you know, I'm the most important person to you. So you know, you tell them that I need support from you, I am pregnant, I can go crazy. Sometimes, you know, I can be in you, you will be direct with them of my mood things, you know, but you know, unconditioned. That's where you know, you can really test the patience of some people in your life to tell people that you need support from them. When I was having my first

00:31:44--> 00:32:00

child, I only have one child. So I was expecting my baby. So I used to tell my friends that I was studying in University at that time, and I used to tell them to see I love myself. These days. I'm going crazy. Please, please help me. Right?

00:32:02--> 00:32:05

It took us a shift if your husband is away from you, because

00:32:06--> 00:32:18

I spent my entire pregnancy without my husband, but make sure that you are connected to him somehow Skype you know, you have so many tools today. And when you're Skyping make sure that the

00:32:19--> 00:32:24

What do you call it speaker is open so that your child can also listen to the voice of

00:32:25--> 00:32:42

your husband? Because it's very important for a child to connect to the Father during pregnancy during pregnancy. You should realize that this is my dad Okay, mom is talking to my dad. Right? So anyway, just make sure that you're talking to him everyday right sister?

00:32:44--> 00:32:45

Okay, what's next?

00:32:47--> 00:32:57

Physically, okay, so many people talk about physical needles just quickly disappointed because you know you have when it comes to pregnancy, everybody's giving you some physical advices so

00:32:58--> 00:33:21

you very quickly remember every deficiency in food it will lead to some sort of trouble in baby's development. So make sure that we're having a balanced right avoid avoid processed food and it was very easy to say processed food all around us but let's avoid it as much as we can right in Sharla. So honey barley, great food

00:33:22--> 00:33:38

sweet melon D tend to eat Indian cndh herb a great deal and delivery. So inshallah try to add them in all the Sunnah stuff you know, you can add them into your diet exercise the way I used to exercise in my first pregnancy

00:33:40--> 00:33:49

holla I used to play a lecture on my cell phone and play a lecture and my phone and I would walk in I was strictly listening to child development you know

00:33:50--> 00:33:54

TVs, so that I used to kill two birds with one stone right

00:33:55--> 00:33:56

the

00:33:57--> 00:33:59

case Maria malayalam story remember

00:34:03--> 00:34:05

okay. So,

00:34:06--> 00:34:37

so, I used to walk and I use news to listen to the lecture. So, exercise some exercise can also help in delivery so you can ask your physician or your doctor about it. So he you know he did the physical activities do not stop at national you need more rest but remain physically active because this physical if you are physically active and it's definitely going to eat delivery, and when you're walking you know inshallah, you can take a walk in nature because

00:34:39--> 00:34:40

you know, you get a chance to

00:34:42--> 00:34:42

kind of

00:34:44--> 00:34:56

see the signs of a las panatela. And also some of the research say that 10 minutes walk in nature must be brain chemistry to increase happiness. So these are some of the physical steps and

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

lifestyle

00:35:00--> 00:35:14

choices goal oriented life the busier the happier remember, whether you're pregnant or not, if you do not have a goal oriented life, depression will be you can be afraid to depression very easily it will attack you very easily right. So,

00:35:15--> 00:35:24

have a goal oriented life keep yourself busy do not give up your normal activities unless Nash national you need wrestling in this extremely necessary because

00:35:26--> 00:35:32

you know that visually keep yourself the less time you'll have to set or pregnancy right.

00:35:33--> 00:35:45

Hang out with positive people that's very important, who boost your morale who understand you and who helped you to you know, deal with the challenges of pregnancy and

00:35:46--> 00:36:15

learn more about goal oriented life in other small set small targets for yourself and in your husband in everything you do small small targets with your husband and rejoice and celebrate when you achieve them. So, for example, you know, reading a book together or exercising together and then again set a new goal and then when you will accomplish the goal every time you accomplish your goals, you know, your self esteem increases and you become more happy and again, you know, depression will subside

00:36:16--> 00:36:17

All right, and now

00:36:21--> 00:36:23

something from

00:36:24--> 00:36:49

strictly from psychological perspective, that if all these things do not work, and I am very doubtful that if you stick to these things, they do not work. But if for any reason, if these things do not work, then it's time to see your psychologist right. And you might need a few sessions for cognitive behavioral therapy that usually helps and depending upon the severity of your depression in magnesium

00:36:51--> 00:36:51

deficient

00:36:54--> 00:36:54

also

00:36:56--> 00:37:40

as far as medication is concerned, and I personally do not suggest having medicine a lot I'm quite against pharmacy, but just you know, my reason is that the short term effects of medicine of antidepressants has been studied and they say that antidepressants do not have any short term effect on the child right, but long term effects are yet to be fully studied right. So Better safe than sorry try to use all these non medical way of teaching yourself and inshallah you can have a happy pregnancy You Can Overcome your depression, but if all these things do not work, then please do go and see a psychologist and I have literally watched in the last few minutes I hope this was

00:37:40--> 00:37:46

beneficial for you. And this is a Kamala Harris defeater for your patience I will now open the floor for the question

00:37:48--> 00:37:53

Okay, okay please do not throw caution. So, fascinating he scroll up and see

00:37:59--> 00:38:02

assignments to medicine as well first trimester

00:38:04--> 00:38:06

to the US anytime reading

00:38:11--> 00:38:20

your sister it happens when the pregnancy is unplanned, then you know you have to put in an extra bit of effort to develop that emotional bonding with a child

00:38:21--> 00:38:29

and what happens is that you know, it is a lot of time for them and if this is just saying that I have accepted

00:38:30--> 00:39:04

this some part of her which has not accepted it as it then you have to put in an extra bit of effort, what do you need to do is to you know, make yourself realize that if you remain shallow sometimes you have to do this negative reinforcement if you remain childless for the rest of your life, then what? right and then you can all use all those emotional depths you can visualize the happy family you gave the child comes into this world, you know, definitely I am I'm going to be very happy and we'll hang out together and we'll play with a child look at the children around you're happy we're nice and fine you know try to strengthen yourself emotionally The more you

00:39:04--> 00:39:10

strengthen yourself emotionally inshallah you will eventually have a bond with the child. Now

00:39:11--> 00:39:20

I'm sorry, I cannot take the question sequences twice because they're just popping in front of me so I'll take random questions I'm sorry, something Rosa sisters are

00:39:21--> 00:39:24

calm and this is also don't need to come.

00:39:27--> 00:39:27

See,

00:39:28--> 00:39:37

if you have never recited Quran during your pregnancy, during, you know, the early childhood, so what happens is that

00:39:38--> 00:39:42

you do not recognize what is and it's very alien

00:39:43--> 00:39:46

for the kids, right? So the more you

00:39:47--> 00:39:59

The more you recite for honoring your pregnancy, the more you familiarize your child during during your pregnancy, the more effect it is going to have super on is not like a it's not a magic book. There are

00:40:00--> 00:40:42

China's Korean nuclear plan is a challenge. You know Charles guns quiet? No, you have to put in an effort you have to make him acquainted with for an earlier. Right and you don't use it as a tool to calm your child when the child is fine. You know, even if the child is not crying one of my sponsor, she suggested that, you know, just pay for an infant of besides the newborn know when you when she's saying or she's sleeping or whatever she's doing, and then that's what we do, you know, maybe you can make them work custom decor. And so if the child is accustomed to Quran, he or she is listening to the Quran during pregnancy during this plenary, he or she will realize that it's something good.

00:40:42--> 00:40:48

If you're playing music all around. If she he or she is listening to the music, then definitely she'll be more happy with

00:40:49--> 00:40:50

the music. Great.

00:40:55--> 00:40:56

Study.

00:41:01--> 00:41:02

Last year question.

00:41:04--> 00:41:06

The sister who posted the question, oh,

00:41:13--> 00:41:15

didn't know what else which is pregnancy?

00:41:21--> 00:41:34

shelter, and we're going to scroll down to see your complete question. You're saying that was a very good student at IU. But then you started expecting and then what happened?

00:41:40--> 00:41:42

Who has made you fearful of delivery?

00:41:43--> 00:41:45

ever there was a guy named as you.

00:41:48--> 00:42:18

Please, with delivery everybody has different experience right? to not listen to the horror stories. That's the best advice I can give you. What happens is that, you know, people will tell you it's just like convert bones cracking together. And these are not something very British here. Why don't you focus on the scientist when you're delivering the baby, so many things are being forgiven? And you know, it's a it's time and I was convalescence to the dryers to make lots of noise. So when you focus on the bright side of delivery, inshallah, not the fearful of that, right.

00:42:20--> 00:42:23

And then if you're just listening to the horror stories, and nobody can help you.

00:42:25--> 00:42:29

And can unplanned pregnancy, it's okay, Allah subhanaw taala has decided the best for you Don't worry.

00:42:40--> 00:43:16

It's not a very good idea to share my personal experience. I just spent one month with my husband. And then he left for Saudi Arabia and I left for my university and then I got pregnant, you know, but now when I look at my child, I think this is the best thing that happened to me. So you know, all these things. You see, it makes you very sad that you know, I got pregnant and it was unplanned and with potential when you see the face of yourself, forget everything you need have plenty of time, the child doesn't always Disturbia, you still have plenty of time to study with your husband, he has nine months at least to get to know him better, spend some more time with him and cherish the

00:43:16--> 00:43:18

experience, right?

00:43:19--> 00:43:21

systems trying to swat it down, but

00:43:22--> 00:43:30

I don't know whatever reason I am just getting halfway a few questions. You said you're available student at IO u then you can see

00:43:31--> 00:43:32

the assistant is rerate.

00:43:38--> 00:43:50

Okay, so you were very good with Allah and Okay, so let's just see what's stopping you to continue. Okay, this is a question that I could not continue with my studies this year due to many factors.

00:43:52--> 00:43:52

Okay.

00:43:54--> 00:44:01

So my question is, what's stopping you to continue with our or what's stopping you to continue your studies, you know, naturally, it happens with me.

00:44:02--> 00:44:41

So many times, I felt that I should give up my job. I should not take any more speaking requests. And I should, but at the end of the day, if this was something that makes you happy, and giving dollar is the ultimate goal of your life, if it makes you happy, then you can continue this thing. You know, if you were doing it on a very large scale, what I would recommend is to just, you know, just shorten the amount and shorten the time period, but continue it, because nothing can make you as happy as giving the oils telling my mom the other day that when I'm teaching, I'm like, No, all healthy. Nothing happens to me when I sit idle, and I feel Oh, my God is hurting, you're hurting

00:44:41--> 00:45:00

there. And this is it doesn't matter if you just because of pregnancy, you have become a little less stern. You know, a little bad student or whatever it is, then it doesn't matter your last month is going to last month less giving you a better opportunity is the kind of love with this internet with these stuff, you know

00:45:00--> 00:45:13

You have so much exposure. And you have so many ways to doing Dawa. Please continue that. Please don't leave anything because of pregnancy. I am pregnant Branston teaching you. Hi.

00:45:17--> 00:45:23

I cannot give you any medical advice here. Because we're just dealing with the psychological aspect of

00:45:25--> 00:45:41

pregnancy. So hope is it helps, please continue your downward. You can shorten the scale, you can make it a little bit limited. If you were going out and doing dow maybe you can call hella cars in your own home, but do not give up on it. Right?

00:45:43--> 00:46:16

You get very anxious about delivery because you listen to all the horror stories, please don't listen to the horror stories. Why do you want to listen to it so nicely for us to come to me, he says, Oh my god, delivery is the worst experience of my life. And the I felt as if my 100 wounds were climbing together naturally, I wouldn't feel good about my my delivery. But if I'm focusing on the fact that when I will be delivering all my sins, most of my sins will be forgiven. Because all the pain lokhandwala is giving me and I'll be making dogs and the dogs will be accepted. And if I'm thinking all the good stuff and not be scared of it, why do you get scared of something because you

00:46:16--> 00:46:23

have heard all of that stuff about that. So stop listening to all those. Again, all those horror stories, everybody has different experience, right.

00:46:26--> 00:46:40

The fears dematerialize and telling you from psychological aspect, if you fear that, Oh, I'm going to have a C section, I'm going to have a C section then ultimately you will have C sections if you do not control your fear, fear but the fears tend to materialize

00:46:41--> 00:46:48

is different people have different stories, different people have different experiences, that's a very, you know, customized experience.

00:46:54--> 00:47:23

I would encourage all of you to continue doing what you love doing if you cannot do it on a very large scale then make it on a small scale but continue this is the best way to because you know when in the initial days of my pregnancy, I felt like giving up like I cannot do this as usual, you know, but then I used to think that if I give out this thing teaching, then I think that will be the easiest way to put me into depression. Right?

00:47:27--> 00:47:35

You have anxiety when you meet your doctor? Is it related to the doctor? Or is it related to the experience that you have with the doctor?

00:47:36--> 00:47:38

This isn't something to let me know

00:47:40--> 00:47:41

when you see the doctor

00:47:43--> 00:48:08

again Why do you have anxiety? Is it is it related to doctors The doctor is not good or is the procedure makes you anxious? dilemma you know why do you know why do you get scared of the things again if you do not take care of your fear they will materialize if you fear that you know I cannot have a normal delivery and at the end of the day you will not or if you feel that oh my god I'm going to have a child who is not normal. Or I'm going to have

00:48:10--> 00:48:47

you know any students with a doctor which will hurt me and it will happen you know be strong be emotionally strong. Right think all the good things visualize the good things and visualization helps a great deal so now you maybe you can visualize that I'm going to the doctor and she's checking in everything is good and I'm happy and when you visualize all these things inshallah the experience is going to be way more better than if you just fear become fearful right? One of the great ways to overcome anxiety is definitely visualized in use when it comes to love we have good opinion of other founders and I am as my sermon thinks I am so if you're thinking that last month I

00:48:47--> 00:48:54

was going to you know, give you a C section or whatever as convenient then nobody can help you.

00:48:56--> 00:49:00

Sister has had three miscarriages and

00:49:02--> 00:49:07

his sister I have already discussed the ways to overcome the fear inshallah you can apply all those

00:49:13--> 00:49:13

resources as well.

00:49:19--> 00:49:40

So what has happened, let it let it go he's let go of the past because if you keep on thinking that I was delivered by the male doctor, then it will you know you cannot erase past you cannot change past you the only thing you can do is to let it go you know if you want and you can you know do is too far and for whatever reason right let it go.

00:49:43--> 00:49:56

If you just keep on holding on to the bad experience you wouldn't you know Open your arms to welcome to new experiences inshallah. Next time you will have you will be delivered back to inshallah have good opinion or for login

00:50:01--> 00:50:04

So if you cannot continue physical school Medical

00:50:05--> 00:50:19

University that is an idea right? So do not give up on your you know your passion maybe you can find another way to do that you know what other way can you find to fulfill your passion

00:50:21--> 00:50:39

so if you cannot Of course join the school again in October then maybe some online course some you know any other way that's possibly more doable don't give up on your passion but that was that I would recommend

00:50:41--> 00:50:48

my contact info is taylor.ke h n Han at i o u.edu dot g m

00:50:53--> 00:50:55

I'm not sure if I was supposed to give it a lot

00:51:02--> 00:51:10

yesterday it happens most of the time then you have to you know educate yourself and your husband as well as the way I was saying that most of the time I get so confused that if

00:51:11--> 00:51:33

whether the wife is pregnant, or the husband is pregnant, I just have four more minutes to go inshallah so in that case, you have to educate your husband as well give him the articles to read how to deal with a pregnant wife and don't start fighting because naturally that guy if he's a young guy who's just graduated and got married and is all of a sudden you become a father is also a new exclusive help him

00:51:34--> 00:51:49

you know, learning the ways to deal with you as well. So if you are learning articles for yourself finding articles for him and then you know make him learn that it's a new experience you know, tell him that you have to grow together we have to learn to become parents together right

00:51:52--> 00:51:59

yes, that's what I'm telling you that our husbands are not prepared and help them you know, go through this experience inshallah

00:52:04--> 00:52:09

I would not recommend you need to postpone it maybe you can rather than having six

00:52:10--> 00:52:16

courses you can have two courses maybe but do not you know completely give up on it

00:52:20--> 00:52:29

all the dogs are good right is a llama la Corolla Magento Kala these guys also very effective any bloggers this monsoon is good

00:52:35--> 00:52:40

alright if you do not have any questions seek your permission again because I just have three more minutes to go

00:52:48--> 00:52:53

not to continue with a pregnancy No sister please apply all the techniques that we have

00:52:54--> 00:52:59

discussed here because you know abortion if you go through you know miscarriage or something else but if you are

00:53:01--> 00:53:05

the body aborting the babies just like killing a baby right it's often

00:53:06--> 00:53:11

straightaway so please apply all those things that we have just discussed and inshallah is definitely going to benefit you

00:53:12--> 00:53:15

in time with me during pregnancy

00:53:18--> 00:53:21

sorry I did not see this question completely Can you teach related?

00:53:31--> 00:53:34

Unless your question and I'm not meant not

00:53:35--> 00:53:41

to spend time. On the other hand I am not confident of being alone

00:53:43--> 00:53:45

with new tools

00:53:49--> 00:54:32

if you cannot even call us parents is that a threat or what am sorry I just laughed because his trip to you know if you cannot manage household shirts can get help get help you know you have these needs available Subhanallah it's not Haram in Islam to have means so you can ask your husband to have your meal because nationally is especially in the first trimester when the girl is going so much in terms of you know physical health the weakness and the nausea. Naturally you cannot expect her to just take a broom and clean all the house and you know watch the washroom It doesn't mean kindly and gently that I need help please get me a you know and you're confident

00:54:33--> 00:54:45

that are comfortable with the pin your in laws. It's okay most of us are not comfortable with in laws. So you can actually encourage your children to get your maid rather than you know calling the husband.

00:54:46--> 00:54:59

Yes, you can ask your own on the best part is your own mom. Because you can do things with her kids you cannot do with anyone else on earth actually, they didn't choose to be smiling. Alright and seek your permission here and

00:55:00--> 00:55:03

hoki assertion was beneficial. Nellis pantalla

00:55:05--> 00:55:17

amulets consular definitely make this experience good for you and good for me in a law contract with you and me with righteous pious child inshallah, to kind of go along with the hemcon should

00:55:18--> 00:55:21

stop recording late and I'm really cool