On Friendship – Advice for College Students

Ammar Alshukry


Channel: Ammar Alshukry

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The speakers discuss the importance of friendships in college and the success of finding someone who is willing to pray for them. They emphasize the need for people to be excited and achieve their goals, and stress the importance of finding people who are helpful and are recognized for their accomplishments. The segment also touches on the challenges of finding perfect partners in relationships and the need for privacy and gender relations. The call to action for the audience is provided.

AI Generated Transcript ©

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Believe it hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah Hideyo Cybersyn MC MC if you're not sure that will let you know he'll hola hola hola Chica who eyeshadow? No Mohammed Abdul rasuluh salatu salam Heidi, I'm about to set up my deck Mara to live on Capitol

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Hill, I'm very happy to be here with you guys.

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Over the years, I've been able to fortunate enough to come to college station.

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And over the years have seen some of you grow from being freshmen to seniors to graduates and college is a really beautiful time in a person's life. And my experience has been, and

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the experience of many people that I know is

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of the unique qualities of the friends that you make in college is that they become there's a fraternity or there's a sorority, or there's a Brotherhood or sisterhood that's created that is just different than every other stage of your life. Part of it is because the experience itself is so unique that you are all, you know, in this city of people that are all within a particular age range, everyone more or less is between 18 and 22 or 23, or 25. But everyone is within that particular bracket or that particular age, for the most part, and you are all becoming the people that you're going to be for the rest of your life. And that's a major difference between college and

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high school and high school, you're still very much changing, you know, people are very different. But in college, you really turn into the person, many times that you're going to be and so those relationships that are created, those friendships that are made are very, very special. And I wanted to spend some time tonight just talking about friendship and of the reasons why I wanted to talk about that is because I was just reflecting on my own particular college experience. And at Hamdulillah. The the people that I met during that time are the friends that I made a very much my friends till today. And I was reflecting on what were the causes of that. Who are my freshmen here

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who's here for the first month of their life. Okay, very good. So my own particular drive because I went to school out of state, and it was a four hour drive on the East Coast for hours, we'll put you in another state in Texas, you have to drive like 12 hours to get out, right. But we were in another state and my father Rahim hola was driving me to. And this is like his last opportunity, right? It's me and him. And this is his opportunity to share whatever nuggets he has to share with you whatever gems, and hopefully he'll say something that will kind of straighten me out for the next four years as I'm living by myself. And so he told me a story. And he said

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Imam Shafi had a student of his who had went to disappeared for a while from the Halacha.

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And he was gone for however long he was gone for. And when he came back, the Imam asked him and he said, Where were you? And he said, I was in Egypt. And so he said to him, Well, how was Egypt? And he said to him a little more famous. He said, knowledge is in Egypt. All of the Egyptians have this little glove

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on their face right now a little smirk. But in any case, the Imam said to him so that you spoken the truth.

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You're absolutely right. Egypt is where knowledge resides. Another student disappears for a little while. On another occasion, he comes back, the Imam system. Where were you? He says, I was in Egypt. He said, Well, how is Egypt? He said to him, Egypt is nothing but a party.

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That's all Egypt is. And so the Imam says to him, so blocked you smoking the truth. Now, there are some students who are there every class, right, they're consistent. And so they witnessed both conversations. And so they asked them and they said, how was it that you approved two antithetical statements, they're there. They're complete opposite of one another. And so his response was, they both found what they were looking for. And so I never forgot this story, because that message was, you know what, while you're here at Texas a&m, if you're looking for a party, you're gonna find the biggest party of your life. And if you're looking for knowledge, if you're looking for your own

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progression, if you're looking for your own elevation, then you're going to find that here too. You're going to find more than what you can handle and more than what you can learn. You'll find all of that it depends on what you're looking for, and everyone finds in university what they're looking for. So the question then becomes, who are the people that I'm going to share this journey with? And I just wanted to share a little bit of advice, something from my own experience and a little bit of advice as your older brother with me

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So what should a person look for when it comes to friendship? What are the types of people that you want to keep in your inner circle? What are the qualities that you want to be looking for? Undoubtedly, the first one that I would advise all of you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart is faith, that you're looking for people who have Eman, and I'll tell you why.

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A lot of times, you have people who slipped through the cracks, they show up at university, and it's an amazing world. And there's a lot of exchange of ideas. And it's a chance for me to be somebody other than the person that I've been. And for me to experiment with all sorts of things and all types, and things of that nature.

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And sometimes even, I don't want to hang out with the Muslim kids. They're not really that cool. You might hear things like that.

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And that could be true. I might be way too cool for the MSA kids. That might be the case. And it's not this isn't something that I've never heard before. But there's a beautiful verse that we read in Surah Al Kahf. Allah subhanaw taala says, what's been enough second, my Lithuania, the owner of bombilla, that he will actually you read do in our chat. Allah says and commit yourself to patients, like patiently persevere, and keeping the company of those who believe in Allah subhanho data and call upon Him when He says what's good enough Sikka, you know what that means? That means you know what, it may not be the most cool thing to do. It may not be the most, the thing that you're most

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inclined to, because you have to remember the province of Allah to set it up. His companions in Mecca were people like me, not even the Raba slave and Ahmadi me I said, and people like Abdullah him was rude, a little shepherd boy. And at times, people are even telling him get rid of these friends of yours. And we'll be your companions will be your will accept Islam, but you got to get rid of the riffraff first, you got to get rid of these these nobodies first. And yet ALLAH SubhanA data tells him and he says, No, you have to patiently persevere with these people, you got to hold on to these people. Why? Because they call upon Allah Subhana Allah to Allah in the morning, in the

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evening, we'll do a knock on home. And do not let your eyes leave them. Don't separate from them, don't avoid them. And Allah then says, well today and do not obey those who have made their hearts not remember us. Those people who don't remember Allah subhanho wa taala, don't, don't be following them. Don't turn towards them, don't chase after them, patiently persevere with the people who believe in Allah subhanaw taala. So that's undoubtedly going to be the first quality of the reasons is the things that they'll be able to offer you that no one else can offer you of those things, is as simple as

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that a person prays for you, a friend who prays for you, you know, the self they used to say what an evil friend is the friend that you have to ask to pray for you. Like that person, you know, that friend who you have to say make dua for me, please. That's like the worst friend in the world. Why? Because the default should be that you're praying on behalf of. And that's why if you wanted to find who a friend is a friend is somebody who reminds you of God

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and remembers you, while they are present with God, I would that it that he says I used to make dua over for over 70 of my companions in my prayer, like 70 of my friends, I used to remember them by name. So that's number one. Number two.

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I'll never forget of a janazah that we prayed over a young man in the masjid once he was 25 years old. So he was young, obviously, he had his whole life ahead of him. But none of us knows when the the Angel of Death comes. And what really struck out to me about that janazah was the lack of people praying over him. He was,

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you know, somebody that I didn't know who he was, and he was part of our community. But when he came, the only ones who came to his service were his friends, and none of them were Muslim. And so when we prayed over this man, and maybe five or six people who are praying over him, everybody else, like 15, or 20 of his friends are just standing off to the side kind of just watching the janazah they really don't, they're not going to participate. They're just there to show respects. And I was thinking to myself, when I pass away, I want an ummah to pray over me. I want honestly I do I want an ummah to be there for me, I want to invest in having created these relationships with the people

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who will be able to benefit me and make dua for me and even intercede for me on the day of judgment. Because every believer will have an intercession. And so the some of the scholars they used to say so make sure that you have a lot of friends. Why? Because they will intercede. They'll miss you on the Day of Judgment. So that's number one. Number two asks us for after faith. You want someone who has Taqwa of Allah subhanaw taala not just faith like I'm a Muslim, but someone

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have stuck with Allah subhanaw taala why? You know, something that's incredibly rare, incredibly rare is a person who is going to give you advice. That is incredibly rare. And if you have a friend who will give you advice, then you need to kiss their hands and kiss their feet.

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Why? Because as you might know, because it says, an Aussie Hi Aziza, it says that advice, sincere advice is incredibly rare and even more rare than sincere advice is the person will actually accept advice. But the person who's the person who's sincere in giving you advice in the first place, that person is incredibly rare, the person who when you do something wrong, they're willing to say to you, that's wrong.

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Why? Because that burns. And you know, if you say that to your friend, that's wrong. You shouldn't do that you're better than that or this or this, you should do this or

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what do you risk, you risk that person being repulsed by you, you risk that person avoiding you, you risk that person being angry with you, you risk that person disliking you.

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And many people, too many people aren't willing to pay that price. And that's why one of my favorite quotes of Chef Advani, I one of his students asked him this is a Syrian ship, an Albanian Syrian chef who passed away in the last century let him hola to Adam, he

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was asked by his students and he said they asked him and they said, If you love someone for the sake of Allah, shouldn't you tell them? And he said yes. Because the Hadith says if you love someone, you should tell them so you should tell your brother, I love you for the sake of Allah. Sisters, you tell each other I love you for the sake of Allah. But he says, loving for the sake of Allah has a price. And most people are not willing to pay that price. Do you know what the price for loving someone for the sake of Allah is.

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And different people are giving different answers. And then finally one of his students says, the price for loving for the sake of Allah is in surah Laos, by the time verily mankind is in a loss in the Medina, except for those who believe and do righteous deeds, what our soul will have to do to sob, sob and enjoying each other towards truth and enjoying each other towards patience. And he says that's the answer. That's the price of love. What does that verse? How does that sort of prove the price of love? He says, Let me explain. When you love someone sincerely, then you are constant in enjoining them to the truth, you are even more present than their own shadow you are more consistent

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than their own shadow and telling them do this. And don't do that and do this and don't do that. You're always advising them. And that's why in all of our lives, the people who are most constantly on our backs advising us or who?

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You know why? Because they're the ones whose love is the most sincere.

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That's that's a fact. 100% They're the ones who are most willing to pay the price of love. Why am I going to sit there and get cursed out by you? Why would I? Why would I do that? I'll just tell you that your major is dope and that it's great. And I know that it's, I know that it's not going to do anything for you in the future. And I would never allow my brother, my my blood brother to do a major like that. But for you, I'm like, Yeah, follow your heart.

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Right. I'm not willing to pay the price of love. And a lot of a lot of friends are like that. And so being willing to pay the price of love, and we have to, we have to, we have to condition ourselves to be willing to accept the advice. Unfortunately, we live in a time now where it's like I should, if you ever critique me, then you are judging me. And so even before I ever correct anybody's behavior, I have to put forward 100 disclaimers and walk on eggshells and say I don't want to be an I don't want to be an I don't want to be but and that's even if I dare to do it. But in reality, don't we want to grow?

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Like do I not want to grow as a person? am I assuming that I'm I'm perfect? Have I not been challenged through every stage of my life, by teachers and by coaches and by and didn't they push me to be better? So why should I stop? And why wouldn't I want my friends to do the same thing, but it's a bitter pill to swallow. And that's why your Mama loves it says that advice in and of itself is rare and even more rare than advice itself as the ones who accept it. But number two is you want a person who has stuck well why because that person stuck what will propel them hopefully to be able to hold you by the hat

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and say you know what, let's pray together for example, or you know what, let's do this. Or you know what, no, you shouldn't say that to your mom. You shouldn't say that to your, your your father, you shouldn't break your relationships you shouldn't, right they'll be able to advise you based on what they believe to be or what they know to be correct from the Quran or from the Sunnah. Number three.

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You want someone for sure who raised your ambition.

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I said Be patient with the believers

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That's 100% Correct. But at the same time, you have to be selfish. Meaning don't hang around with losers. Don't spend your time. And what I mean by that is that people who lower your standards of excellence, you know what you're here in college, spend time with people who are doing amazing things.

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Learn from them be in their company. You know, I'll give you an example from my life. I was once with some of my friends, they weren't losers. I'm not great brothers, all of that.

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But they had a, they had a they had an idea, or as a group. And I remember this vividly, I never forgot it. And they said, Let's memorize the 40 Hadith of Imam unknown. So, for those of you who don't know, the 40 Hadith of Imam in Norway is a collection by a very special individual, one of the greatest scholars in the history of Islam, and a very interesting personality. And I'm in no way, this man died at the age of 40, or 39, or 38, or maybe 41. But in that age, and he had devoted himself to knowledge and scholarship in just this incredible way. And he filled the world with his knowledge by the time he was 40. But not only that, what's very interesting about him is that he's a

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medieval scholar. And yet the entire Muslim world, revered him and accepts him. Usually by that stage in Islamic history. You have schisms? You have people who accept this scholar, but they don't reject or these but this group doesn't accept this scholar, you have this group that in fit, for example, that follows and revere is this person but other people, nobody really studies. This man just has incredible universal acclaim, you'd be hard pressed to find a message except that his books are in it, you'd be hard pressed to find that a house except that he's got his books are in it just very, an inshallah that's an indication of his own sincerity, but you might even know what he has a

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collection of 40 Hadith. And he said, in his introduction to this hadith, he said, there are lots of people who compiled for your Hadith on different subjects. I want it to compile 40 Hadith, that are encompassing of Islam, the entire tradition. And so each hadith is considered a pillar in its field. And so, if a person is ever going to memorize a collection of Hadith, this is definitely the first stop that you memorize the 40 Hadith of Imam in no way, then you have 40, a Hadith from the Prophet salallahu Salam that are considered the greatest Hadith in Islam. Great. So we're gonna memorize the 40. Hadith? Yes. What were the brothers saying? The the procedure was every week will memorize what

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And I remember at that table saying that's going to fail. You know why? Because it is too basic of a goal. Like sometimes, sometimes when you aim so low, you fail not because it wasn't something that you could achieve. It's because it was so achievable, that it bored you so you failed in doing it, because it didn't excite you. You actually need to be excited towards the goal. Like imagine, for example, I could memorize a verse of the Quran every single day, one verse, and I'd be done with the Quran in 32 years. But nobody ever does that. Right? Because nobody's excited to do that. I could lose a pound

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a month, and I would have lost 12 pounds. And in five years, I'd have lost 60 pounds and right, but nobody, nobody goes about it like that, right? People are excited by the person who loses 30 pounds in 30 days or something like that.

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You get my point, people need to be excited towards a goal. In any case, this was so basic that I was like it's gonna fail because honestly, there are some a hadith that are literally four words la la, la, la, la, la, la, you're done. Like, I don't need a week for that. But we felt okay. We failed because it was boring. Then I remember like a year later, I met a someone who's a good friend of mine now, but he at that time, he's a

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everybody was calling him chef, so and so.

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Chef, so and so's here he came and visited New York chef so and so is your chef, so and so's here and I'm like who is the chef so and so? And then I meet him? And he's a Somali kid who's like 19 years old.

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Okay, he didn't even have a hair on his beard. He had nothing so skinny. He was so skinny that we were sitting in the masjid one night, and he would cover himself literally envelop himself in the job that he was wearing. Okay, like this didn't labia he would literally wrap himself in it. So I'm like, *, so and so. And then, you know, some kids like, yeah, he came up to me. He's like, you know, Chef, so And so literally 19 years old. He's a chef, so and so. He memorized the Quran. As a kid. I'm like, okay, like, that's great. But millions of people memorize the whole lioness kids like, that's not it's very special, but it's not unheard of. And then he goes to me Yeah. And he

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memorized the collections of Bukhari and Muslim together in two months, so that's why he's like 7000 Hadith add to it.

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Unbelievable amount right.

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And he memorized it in two months. And I'm like, Chef, so and so.

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But what did that do with regards to my sense of possibility? That's my point. Like when you're with somebody who's doing something that incredible, like 40 Hadith over 40 weeks, I'm like, Man, I could do 40 Hadith in in a day, if that's the case. And so you want to you want to put yourself, that's just the example with regards to Hadith, but you want to put yourself in whatever field you're talking about. You want to be in the company of people who are raising your ambition, people who are raising your sense of possibility, and people who are achieving amazing things, that you put yourself in a position to achieve amazing things as well. Also,

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of the beautiful qualities, is a person who's encouraging a person who's encouraging.

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I really appreciate that Rasulullah sallallahu sallam was the greatest movie of all time. There was nobody who created a nation like he did, there was nobody who took people who otherwise would have not made it onto a page in history. And yet he's able to make them into masters of every field of human endeavor. And one of the things that I looked at one of the recipes for the province, the lady SLM

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formula, in him creating all of this was that he he didn't belittle people and he didn't allow for people to be belittled. He never allowed for people to be belittled. And

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you see so many examples of that in the seal of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam Bilal is made fun of because he's black in the province of Elias and I'm severely rebuked obovata because he did that. I shall make fun of Sophia in her absence because she's short. She just goes like this in Behati, meaning Sophia is short, her co wife and the Prophet so I said, I'm Sophia isn't even there. And we all know how much the Prophet loves Aisha right she and yet he still says to her, he says I actually you said something that if it were cast into the ocean, it would have been black.

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Like to show you how powerful this concept of belittling people is, in fact, the province level bias and M says that if there was nothing that a person did, B has been made him in a shop and after a while Muslim, if a person belittles their Muslim brothers sister, that is enough of an evil why, because what you're doing is you're breaking the wings of your Muslim brother or sister. Like we don't need broken individuals, as an ummah, we need strong, capable, confident

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members of our community. That's what the province I send them is raising. And that's what we all hope to raise. And so when you're talking about keeping company of friends, you want to be in the company of people who are encouraging you who believe in you who are filling you with incredible sense of self worth and value.

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The province of Elijah send them did that with his companion so much so that we have this concept in Hadith the virtues in any book of Hadith, you'll read the virtues of the companions, you know what the virtues of the companions is, the virtues of the companions of the Prophet. So I said, I'm saying when he crosses the street, shaytaan process of the street, when I'm just walking down the street, shaytaan crosses the street. And if the faith of work was to be weighed against the face of the entire Ummah, the face of our walk would outweigh and I show the the comparison of Ayesha over other women is like the comparison of 30 which is like the best type of food over any type of other

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food, the province has said I'm constantly praising his companions it makes you wish that you could meet the province on the lightest and limb because he would point out something beautiful about you that maybe you've never heard in your entire life that nobody notices about you. And yet the province little license again and again is encouraging and teaching and showcasing and highlighting qualities that people have, how do we then do that? You know, I have to I have two friends in college. One person was very interesting to me because he was never I noticed about him that nobody ever ever made fun of him. Nobody ever insulted him.

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Another one was the exact opposite.

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He was the one who everybody insulted

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so I reflected on that. And I found that the one who never got made fun of

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number one, he was Albanian and you don't want to mess with Albanians. But that was

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those guys are like mafia for real. But

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other than that, other than that, he himself never made fun of himself. It was incredible actually, when I like realize that I was like, he never ever does he did he do mistakes and stupid things like every other individual. Yes. But whereas other people would be like, I'm so stupid.

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He would never say that about himself ever. It was just his personality. And so if you because when someone says I'm so stupid, what have they opened the door for? They've opened the door for them.

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Ready to be like, Yeah, you are. And let me tell you how stupid you are. You're the one who opens the door, right? And you're allowing for people to walk in. And so when he never opens that door, now, my only choice is to open the door myself. And when people did, because I did witness people do that, you know, someone who makes fun of him or something, he would just simply as cool as a cucumber, say, I don't accept that.

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Or, you know what, I don't appreciate that. And then you know, that person will be like, Oh, wow, you're so tight, or like you're so uptight or something like, like, they'll try to save face. But then they'll, they don't want that problem. Right. So then they avoid it. And you know what, that's really hard. It's a lot harder to do in middle school in high school. But once I'm doing a huge like college and stuff like that, usually, I mean, you're not getting into fistfights after class in college. It's not happening, right? I'm, that's the good part about being an adult. Like you're not, that's not really happening as much. But my point is setting those limits, he would set those

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limits. As for my other friend, the one who got made fun of all the time, what I realized about him was that he was the first person to make fun of himself. Always, like it was to the point where people who had just met him.

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People who had just met him like we're all at dinner, and then some new guy joins the group and he's the first one to say, I'm so stupid. I'm so dumb. I'm not like you guys. I'm this or I'm that. And so people just agree with him and then just it just keeps going. It's no boards and I'm sure you know people who are like that were the first people to say I'm so stupid. I'm so dumb. I'm so this and that. So what was the prophetic response to that? You know, there was a man whose name was Zaha. And he was a Bedouin, and the Prophet sallallaahu. Selim loved him very much. And he used to say about Zaha used to say unto him bad yet when I when I know how dare you say that you are our desert

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because he's a Bedouin, and we are your civilization. We're your city. In any case, Zaheer used to sell in the marketplace, the Bedouins the way that the economy worked in Medina, the Bedouins used to come from outside and they used to come and sell in the marketplace, their goods.

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So the Prophet SAW Selim comes from behind their head sneaks up from behind them and grabs him. And he says, Man yesterday has an addict who's going to purchase the slave.

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Like who wants to buy the slave right? He's yelling in the marketplace. Zaha almost breaks free because that's a big problem. Getting sold into slavery.

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So he says, I looked back and I saw that it was also the loss of the light so so I named my back into his chest, so that I could touch his body. And then I said, even TG Dooney Cassie, Danielle rasool Allah, I'm not worth anything on Messenger of Allah, you're trying to sell me I'm not worth anything.

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Just like a lot of people we know talk like, I'm not worth anything. So the prophets of Allah Islam says them and tell us to be casted and Allah, I You are not insignificant in the sight of Allah, you are not worth nothing in the sight of Allah or he said, Well, I can not get in the lie of it. You are in the sight of Allah subhana data incredibly expensive.

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So finding people who are always encouraging. Also, something very, very beautiful, as far as friendship goes, is finding someone who helps you in the in your time of need. And that is a factor that differentiates between friends and between followers between friends and between fans, between friends and between likes on a page somewhere. You know, I'll never forget this.

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The sister she wants mentioned that she barely had any friends on social media.

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Maybe like 30 people on her Facebook page. It's all she say that to me anyway. So like literally like just 30 people a lot. That's her whole. All of her friends are just 30 people. She's got them on Facebook. Her sister had like 700 or 900 or 1000 or something like that. So she said me and my sister were driving, and we got into an accident on the road.

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And she said my sister had like five friends. Like her dated like her crew is just these five girls. My hers. No, she, the girl herself has like five friends and her sisters got like this 1000 followers and all that type of stuff super popular and all of that. She said

00:29:26--> 00:29:33

we got into the accident. And then we both posted on our social media that we got into the accident. We marked ourselves safe or whatever they did.

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She said her sister had like 70 comments. Are you okay? Oh my gosh, bla bla bla bla bla, her

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out of her five friends. Three of them showed up on the spot within 20 minutes.

00:29:52--> 00:29:54

The difference between a person who's

00:29:55--> 00:29:59

who's with you in the thick and thin in the good times and the bad that's the that's your friend.

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Is the mama Shafi he says, So do Calais say And Pharaoh Yo Ma butson Curry boomin I do Winfield PRC, he says a friend who doesn't benefit on a on a terrible day, a friend who's not there for you on your, on your dark days is similar to an enemy if compared.

00:30:19--> 00:30:23

What's the difference between a friend and an enemy, if you're not going to be with me on my worst days,

00:30:24--> 00:30:42

then you are like an enemy. Or you are similar to an enemy if compared. And so I had one brother of mine, just like an older brother, you know, lived through the Civil Rights and all of that type of stuff. Every time you talk to him about a community this Masjid community this Masjid community he like, he's like, keep all of that.

00:30:43--> 00:30:59

I've got two questions. If I show up at the airport at 3am. Is there anybody in that community who will pick me up? And number two, will I find a place to stay? Don't talk to me about brotherhood and the community and the messages and and the design and all of that type of stuff? If when it comes to some of the most basic

00:31:01--> 00:31:06

facilitations of brotherhood and sisterhood I can't find, right? And so

00:31:07--> 00:31:48

a question that we have to ask ourselves, especially as we all move so much towards social media and all of this type of stuff. And thinking that those are real relationships is Do I have? Do I have five real friends? To have five? Do I have 10 real friends? Like when things go down when my life is going through difficulty that these are people who I can actually Lee not even Kodama, he talks about this in New Jersey as well. They talk about how you know of the things that the seller used to do with regards to maintaining brotherhood and friendship is a person for example, entering into their brother's house, and sitting down and opening up the fridge and eating from it. They weren't

00:31:48--> 00:32:13

talking about fridges, but I'm just paraphrasing. They just walk in and eat food and stuff like that. And the guy was asking him when he would come back, he wouldn't be upset that some guy came and ate from his food. In fact, he would see that this was honor. And he will see that this is actually a manifestation of true brotherhood. true brotherhood is when you are actually able to take from me, and you feel like this is something that you have the right to do. Or an even more

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extreme example, is a brother saying to his friends, and he said to them, what do you think about a person who puts his hand in the pocket of his brother and takes from whatever he wishes as far as wealth? And they were like, Yeah, nobody does that. And he said to them, Well, this is, this is what we used to consider a brotherhood that a person has actually, but that's these things are kind of,

00:32:39--> 00:32:55

we don't have anything similar to that. But at the very least, that we be in each other service that we're there for each other when a person needs, and that we see the offering of assistance and aid as a manifestation of the right that our brother or sister has on us. Also, the last thing that I want to mention, is

00:32:56--> 00:33:05

part of the relationship with regards to part of the manifestation of friendship, is also to recognize that even as

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we seek friends, and very much we are social creatures, and we want to have, especially during this particular stage in your life, that a person recognize that the value of

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being happy in and of their own selves, being comfortable in your own skin. And recognizing that at the end of the day, as much as we all move together, that everyone is journeying towards Allah subhanaw taala alone. And you know what this is, this was a profound, at least for me, it was a very profound experience, because it was my first time living away from home. And I remember when I when I walked into my dorm room, got dropped off by the family walked into my dorm room, my roommate, and I had a little

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prayer rug, pulled that out.

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And I was thinking to myself, for the first time in my life, up until this point, everybody that had been a part of my life up until this point is gone.

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And the only one who's with me, is Allah.

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And the only one truly who's going to be with you, every single day of your life is Allah, every every one else.

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You will part ways with

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whether temporarily, or until the Day of Judgment. That's just the nature of the human existence. And so recognizing that, even with the rest of these friendships, they're going to

00:34:32--> 00:34:42

they are wonderful friendships and what have you, but we're all journeying our journeys individually. And so we all also have to make the choice. And we'll walk along the line when I was I was

00:34:44--> 00:34:46

working on the law and famously he says

00:34:47--> 00:34:56

that being alone is still better than having a bad company. Because there are some people in their desire for acceptance in their desire for

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

having that

00:35:00--> 00:35:37

social life, they are willing to give themselves to whomever and a crew and a group of friends for social acceptance. But Allah Subhana Allah tells us that on the Day of Judgment, there will be people who are enemies of each other. And in fact, the default is that people will be enemies of each other. I literally love your media and follow me about and I do. Elan Muhtar Kent, Allah says that close you know, the hardiness of ideal is someone who's so close and intimate to you that their their hearts are completely empty of anything other than that person's love. So you can take two people who love each other so deeply in this world. There'll be enemies on the Day of Judgment, Elon

00:35:37--> 00:36:02

Musk, 13, except for the people whose whose friendships were formed on Taqwa. Those are the only people whose friendship actually continues to the next life. And Allah subhana data, he says to us, you owe me I'll do volume or ID on the day where a person will bite onto their hands, not just onto their fingers, fingertips, but they'll bite onto their hands and they'll say, Yeah, later it has to Marsudi sebelah I wish that I took a path with the messenger. Yeah, well, you letter they tell you a duck, it

00:36:04--> 00:36:29

will be to me, I wish that I never took so and so as a friend. Like there will be some people, you know, there will be some people who people will regret completely on the Day of Judgment. There are lots of people who you'll regret in this world before the day of judgment. But undoubtedly, on the Day of Judgment, there will be some people who you will wish and I will wish that we never met them that we never took them as friends. Allah Subhana Allah says they will bite onto their hands and say

00:36:30--> 00:36:41

they telling them at 30 Falon kalila I wish that I never took so and so as a as a companion, so avoiding that. Which brings me to the last point, which is something just very,

00:36:42--> 00:36:44

from my experience that I want to point out number one,

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you guys are still have the opportunity for a very, very, very special status with Allah subhanho data. And that is the province of Allah said I'm told us that there are seven who are shaded in the shade of Allah on the day when there is no shade except for his shade. And of them is what Allah subhanaw taala or the province of Assam says shabu Nisha Fatah, Atila, a young person who grows up in the obedience of Allah, a young person who grows up under the obedience of Allah, that person is so special in the sight of Allah. Why, because the default

00:37:19--> 00:37:35

with regards to young people is that they are they make a lot of mistakes. And they want to experience everything. And they are short sighted and selfish with regards to their own feelings. And everything is so intense.

00:37:36--> 00:37:45

Passions walk with young people, and so that person was able to subdue their passions, that person was able to minimize their mistakes, and that person who's able to trust

00:37:46--> 00:38:18

what ALLAH SubhanA died, and His Messenger taught them as opposed to making those mistakes for themselves. And then learning from that, and hopefully they did they do learn from some people make those mistakes, and they still don't learn from them. But in any case, that person was able to do that that person is so special, that they reach that status of being shaded in the shade of Allah on the day when there is no shade. There is a question that's always asked, and I want to just address that question before it's asked and if anybody has any questions after that, which is the obvious question with regards to when we talk about friendships. What about boys and girls? There are two

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extremes. And we Islam came between those two extremes. The first extreme is that the brothers and sisters treat each other like aliens, that the sister is walking down the escalator and a brother's walking up the escalator. So she's decides to jump off, right? Like she's, she's, like, even, I've, I've been a part of that where you get onto an elevator and there are three sisters on the elevator and they get off the elevator because you've entered into the elevator now it's just like, okay, that's not Hello, by any definition. It's not seclusion. So that's one extreme. Then you have the and of course you can't talk to them and you can't and it's everything so awkward and weird and

00:39:01--> 00:39:13

Sahaba were very natural when they came but they were at the same time. They were respectful. They were respectful. And then you have the other extreme which is just having no barriers at all you talking to her like you would talk to a guy

00:39:15--> 00:39:17

and treating each other as such.

00:39:18--> 00:39:36

There's a middle ground there and Allah subhanaw taala gender relations is very, very difficult. It's a very, very contextual concept. It's very hard for you to just kind of give a synopsis but I will say that there are some overarching principles and of those principles is that Allah subhana wa Tada says,

00:39:37--> 00:40:00

this is sort of the piano bell in Santa Elena seeable sera without Alka Mahavira Allah subhanaw taala says that every human being is a witness over themselves, even if they were to cast forward every excuse. What does that mean? It means that even if everybody you're able to argue to everybody and be like, Oh my god, like how did you even think like that? Like, oh no, I definitely

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

And you make them feel like they're the ones who are ridiculous for saying to you, like, don't do that or something like that, like,

00:40:09--> 00:40:27

you are a witness over your own self, you know why you dressed that way, you know why you sent that text message, you know, and ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada says, without alcohol, even if you were to cast forward every excuse, even if you could provide every argument, you know, the reason why you do things.

00:40:28--> 00:40:29

So that's number one. Number two,

00:40:30--> 00:40:36

something very interesting that I've witnessed. And I would always encourage you guys

00:40:37--> 00:40:57

to to, without this becoming a gender relations, discussion completely. But I would say, I've seen this so many times in my life. And it's always painful to couples, or four or five, people get to know each other very personally in college.

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And then their hearts become attached.

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And they play out this entire fantasy in their mind of I'm gonna go home, and I'm going to talk to my parents, and you're gonna go home, and you're going to talk to your parents, and we're going to work this out and stuff like that. And until they do that, they

00:41:15--> 00:41:23

enjoy the fantasy, two years, three years, four years go by, and then what ends up happening is then they eventually go home.

00:41:24--> 00:41:33

And they're still very much attached, and they're trying to work it through. And to some degree, they completely are going against their parents wishes and they're fighting. And because

00:41:34--> 00:41:52

it might be an ethnic thing, it might be a personality thing, it might be a family thing, it could be a lot of different reasons why the parents, for example, but now you put yourself in a position where your heart is attached. So now four years, turned into five and five years, turned into six and six years turned into eight. And I'm not exaggerating at all.

00:41:53--> 00:41:54

I've seen Ted.

00:41:56--> 00:41:59

And then what ends up happening after all of that time was spent.

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They finally with broken hearts and exhaustion, call it off. And they eventually give up after who knows how much has been incurred of sin and how much of and then two months later, he goes and marries his cousin.

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Or she goes and she marries her cousin, or, or she marry some guy that she met like three months ago. Right? And why is this very, very interesting to me, because at the end of the day, so many times you'll see that when it's meant to be it just happens. It's not incredibly forced. And there's a beautiful Hadith I'll tell you this hadith man the first time I heard it, I was just amazed that its beauty. The province the lady have sent him he says in a row hell kudos Natha theory, the Holy Spirit cast into my essence and now we're going to move to Nashville had that a stack Miller is our Angela there no social pass until he completes both its lifespan and its risk for tequila who he

00:43:01--> 00:43:31

meets with polyp. So fear Allah and seek it beautifully. And do not let the delay of risk make you seek it out in a way that Allah has prohibited. Why? Because what is with Allah cannot be acquired except to his obedience. What does that mean? It means that you are going to get everything that is due to you in this world. Everything that is written for you, you're gonna get it, you're not going to check out from this world until you get it. So then what are you required to do with that information, you're required to fear Allah and seek it beautifully. And don't let the delay of that this make you seek it out in a way that Allah has prohibited the fact that you want it to be married

00:43:31--> 00:43:34

at 22. And oh my god, now you're 23

00:43:35--> 00:44:15

that delay, don't make it seek don't let it seek or don't let it make you seek out the haram. Why? Because at the end of the day, relationships or money or whatever, we don't want those things in and of themselves. We want them because of what they facilitate of happiness, of serenity of tranquility, of family of love, have mercy. And so if a person seeks it out in a way that Allah has prohibited, then do they have anyone to blame for their heartbreak and their sadness except for themselves. And so, recognizing that all of these things are with the hands of Allah subhana Dawn and he gives them whenever he wishes to whomever he wishes. So that's what I wanted to share with

00:44:15--> 00:44:40

regards to friendship. May Allah Subhana Allah accept from us and grant you all beautiful companionship and friendship and make us all of those who are gathered together. The province of ally Sam said to people who love each other for the sake of Allah will be on thrones of light on the Day of Judgment. They will be envied by the martyrs and by the prophets. So it's a great great act to love someone for the sake of Allah may Allah make us happy and he was the lightest and we're gonna do is like this