Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
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The next question is a very difficult one. And the brother has explicitly asked that he remained anonymous, no names being mentioned here, the brother writes that he has been self diagnosed, let's say with gender dysphoria since his childhood. He says that, even though he was born male, that he never felt masculine. And that he is being very clear that he does not want to do gender reassignment, nor does he want to dress like the other gender. And he does love a law and the religion of Islam. But he is worried, because of two things number one, because of the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in which he said that there is the liner on the Mohan nithin,
while mythology lot that those men who act like women and those women who act like men, and he is saying that he is a bit feminine by his appearance, and by his manner of manners and characteristics, even though he does not try to do so. And so he is worried that this this hadith apply to him. And the second is that he has heard that it is how long for men and women to remain single to refrain from marriage. So now he is worried that if he does not want to get married, because he says he has no inclinations whatsoever, for that deed with women, he has zero desires. And so he is now asking, Is it permissible for me to remain single and not get married?
out of seven,
poverty in the region? No, he lay him first, blue, Lake Erie
This question is a very sensitive one. And reading this brother's email, it really made me feel his faith and his struggle. And I want to just reach out to you, dear brother in Islam, that your your letter and your email, and you're summarizing, obviously in the for the audience was much longer than this, your email really moved me. And it made me genuinely feel your strength of faith that explicitly said that I am struggling with these emotions. Even as I recognize, you know, Islam has a different understanding. And I'm not wanting to change or challenge the religion, but I'm wanting to ask about these emotions that I have. And so I really want to mention that I felt the sincerity in
your email, and I really felt that you are in Sharla. Without a strong believer, I could sense that you're you're trying your best to be a good Muslim. And it really made me feel so happy to read your your email. So I want to tell you point blank, that never lose hope and do not feel guilty for things beyond your control. Never lose hope of Allah's mercy, Allah subhanho wa Taala is that a human and that our aim, Allah is the hope for Eliza which allows the creation and he has tested all of us in different ways. And the reasons for that test or for our for our own good when we pass the test, the rewards will be immense, and the rewards are proportional to the struggles, the rewards
are proportional to the struggles and therefore it is very possible that in your struggle, you will achieve a much higher position in the eyes of Allah than the majority of mankind. Do not ever feel guilty for something beyond your control. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with the way that you desire or you feel and here's the key point of our faith is so beautiful. Allah subhana wa tada does not criminalize feelings and emotions, there is nothing that is sinful in a desire. It's beyond your control. But what the shediac does come is that it tells us certain desires should not be acted upon, certain desires should be controlled, and other desires may be acted upon
who gets to decide, see, here's another key difference. And I know I'm going to a bit of a tangent here. But you see, we're living at a time in a place where there is another dominant ideology. I mean, you can call it humanism, you can call it liberalism, and of course, humanism and liberalism, they overlap, there's an element of it together, secularism, these are all various ideologies, humanism, really it it posits human beings as the center of the universe, and therefore everything is about me, myself and I, everything is about what I want, what are my desires, what are my passions, if I want to do something, I should be able to do it. That's the basic philosophy of
humanism. And the modern Western cultures that we live in are basically manifestations of this philosophy, where the dominant methodology of deriving ethics and of deriving what is right and wrong, really goes down.
Your own desires and Allah says no Hold on one tebal hakuho home defesa December watertable, Murphy him, if truth, were contingent upon the desires of people, then all that is in the Heaven, Earth would become corrupt. desires do not dictate ultimate truths, I desire things, some of them are good for me, some of them are bad for me, every human being desires things, and some of those desires are permissible, and and some of them are permissible with conditions and some are completely impermissible. Who gets to decide? It's a broader topic here. But obviously as people of faith we believe our religion decides what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is evil. And if
you believe hamdulillah and the truth of Islam, which there are question or does but if you believe in the truth of Islam, then of the fundamentals of our religion, without a shadow of a doubt, it is explicit in in the whole philosophy of the idea is that there are two default genders. And these two genders are not the same. Well, they said that Kuru can own them man is not like the woman the woman is not like the man and Eliza, we just created us from a man and a woman and Allah Subhana, WA tada created everything in pairs or Inquisition, katakana zu Janie and Allah created for each of us, the spouse, the gender, that is the others that Holla Holla common and footsy Camas. Washington, he
created from us, for us spouses, so that we can find tranquility, there is a wisdom in the separate in the distinction of the two genders, the two genders are not the same. Obviously, we're now coming to a timeframe for the first time in human history, brothers and sisters, this is something unprecedented in any culture, any society, any era, any civilization, where the claim is being made, that genders themselves are imaginary constructs, that there is nothing different about the two genders. And of course, you know, that is utterly nonsensical, it goes against every single facet of biology, of anatomy of everything that makes him a woman, our chromosomes are different. Everything
about us is different in terms of our looks, our functionality, everything is different. The claim that there's no such thing as genders, this is a claim that is not based on unlived realities, it is simply words that come out of somebody's mouth in our times. Now, the claim also that gender roles are social constructs, while gender roles are different than genders gender roles, perhaps some elements of it are social constructs. At the same time, in every single society from the beginning of time, there have been gender roles now those gender roles are society specific, no doubt, no doubt about that. But no society has taken genders to be absolutely equivalent in every single
responsibility that is handed down to people. So that's a more broader topic, but inshallah one day we might get there the point that your question is very specific, and
will answer your question obviously, because it is much more much more broad topic here. It this topic, by the way, is deserving, much longer treatment and inshallah one day I do plan to address this in a full lecture or maybe bits and pieces in various lectures, to answer your question. There are, of course, many different types of, you know, individuals, we are not in this question, dealing with a category that is called intersex and intersex individuals are individuals that are born with genders that are ambiguous, or both genders or the doctors are basically having to do a surgery. And that's a small percentage of mankind less than 1%, they say is intersex. We're not talking about
those that are born at you know, from birth, they have permutations of their chromosomes that are not the typical xx and xy. That's a separate category. Your question is not related to that, that category, we will answer perhaps in another lecture or question, it is not the topic of your question, what you're asking about comes under a type of check transgender issue. And of course, the term transgender itself is an umbrella term, it also embodies or incorporates many different categories, you know, you have genders that are biologically born in one male or female, and they want to act or imitate the other or they want to dress like the other this is known as drag, let's
say the drag dressing this takes place the cross dressing that takes place, you have those that are born in one gender, and they want to change over to the other gender, and they do so in our times by surgery or by hormones, so they undertake actual changes, where the man will take hormones to, you know, get, you know, the natural breasts if you like and also maybe even do the surgery to get rid of the male organ and implant a female organ in its place, or the female might get to implant you know, for the male organ and this is now possible from a medical perspective.
So you have those that are undertaking this. And then you have those that they don't necessarily want to do the surgery or operation but they want to take on the the appearance and the looks of the other. And by the way, there are also those that have undertaken the surgery and then rediscovered Islam or converted to Islam then I've had cases myself where a person embraced Islam and they were born of one biological gender, they they did the surgeries they became the other gender and then they embraced Islam and the fatwa was asked for me, whether this person should be treated in terms of fifth and in terms of inheritance and in terms of where they should pray, whether they should be
treated as the birth gender or as the post surgery gender. So there are many questions inshallah, bit by bit, you know, over the course of the next few weeks or months, we'll answer them bit by bit, your question was very specific, you are born biologically male, you have no biological issue in terms of your chromosomes, everything is normal, you are fully functional male, however, you are saying that you are inclined to want to be a female, and you feel like acting or dressing like one, but you say that you understand that it is not something that should be done. So you have curbed this emotion, and you are absolutely correct your brother, that you that the Sharia does not allow,
it does not encourage, in fact, there is an authentic Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that the curse is on line, the line is on the Mohan nithin, and then waitara gilas. Mohan Nathan, are those amongst the men who imitate women who are acting like women dressing like women. And then what are Gillette? Are those women who act like men, or who dress like men or who try to appear like, men. So this is your specific question. We're not going to go to the other questions right now. And you are worried that you're saying some of the characteristics you have have been deemed to be effeminate, and you're worried does this apply to you or not? And I say to not at all,
anything that is not in your control, Allah azzawajal has lifted the pen that there are certain people that they naturally have a certain pitch or a certain appearance, or a certain way of walking that they are not trying to do it just happens that they are doing that, or they have a high pitched voice or they have very less facial hair or whatever it might be, obviously, there is no sin in that whatsoever. Your mum in no way mentioned when he mentioned this Hadith, in Sahih Muslim It is also Muslim, he then comments on this Hadith, he said, there are two types or there are two categories of Mohan, none of this type of you know, if feminists See, the first of them is that which is natural,
and a person does not do anything extra, but rather these characteristics are effeminate anyway, and this type of characteristic, there is no sin on it, and there is no harm on it. And in fact, there is nothing that is problematic if a person is naturally you know, maybe the appearance or maybe the voice or maybe the natural thing that they're born in a certain manner. This is Allah's creation, there's nothing that can be done about that some men's voices are much deeper than others and some men have a much higher pitched voice. Some men you know, are much more you know, hovered might be and others are it that's the whole spectrum there. As long as they're not going out of their way.
They're not conditioning themselves, they're not forcing something, and it is coming. And the same goes for women, some women might have a deeper voice than others, and some women might might have an appearance that is different than others. All of this is beyond our control. There is nothing as the mama know, he says La La Mola, I will ask them what are akua mentioned four things, there is no problem whatsoever, and this person is forgiven, and an excused even no issue whatsoever. The second category mama No, he says his many ethical level, the one who tries and goes out of his way to try to be the opposite gender and to dress like the opposite gender and to act like the opposite gender
and to have the demeanor of the opposite gender, that is the person who is castigated, who is chastised that is the person upon whom this headache will apply. So this is something that he meant Mm hmm. No, he himself said and therefore you asked that are you sinful for your natural, you know demeanor and whatnot, that response is a resounding no, there is no sin on you whatsoever how your, you know, your, your natural way that you speak or you act or you talk that's beyond your control, you are forgiven for doing that, nonetheless, you have to be careful that you stay within the the dress codes and the cultural manifestations of gender of your time and your place what is considered
to be dignified, which varies from culture to culture. Again, that's an another important point and facet that is beyond the scope of this brief question. But again, different societies have different you know, manifestations and what is to be considered masculine what is considered feminine and what is it
You know, the proper, dignified manner for each of the two genders. This is something that does slightly vary, but overall there are certain characteristics that are indeed considered to be masculine and others that are feminine. You try your best to stick with the gender that you're you're you're born in as much as you can, what is beyond your control, you are forgiven for as for your second question about marriage, then you have misheard This is simply not the case. A person is not sinful for remaining single, perhaps you misunderstood that. A person who remains single thinking that it is religious to do so IE he wants to get married, or she wants to get married. And
they think that no, not getting married will get me rewards by a lot. That is sinful. That is a deviation. That is a bitter, that is the heresy. We don't have monasticism in Islam. We do not have monasticism in Islam. And therefore, we do not intentionally avoid marriage for the sake of Allah. No. However, if you don't have the inclination to get married, and you want to live your life as single life, there is no question that that is completely permissible. Why would it be problematic to remain single for the rest of your life, you are saying you have no inclination to be married, that is perfectly acceptable, and you may remain single for the rest of your life, and it's not
going to be any sin upon you. In fact, in your case, it might even be preferred. And if you were to consider marriage, you would have to explain to your spouse, that, you know, you're not interested in an intimacy or whatever. And, you know, I have heard of cases where two people have found of a similar nature, meaning that maybe there are women as well, that are just wanting companionship, but not the intimacy part, for example, and they're just wanting to have a life partner. Because obviously, you're going to live the rest of your life, it's nice to have somebody you know, to share that life with, even if you don't have children together. And I have actually heard of these cases
where, you know, people that are not under the same, you know, persuasions as most of mankind, where they, they have agreed to just come together for a civil union. And then the guy has a marriage, like a man and a woman. Their inclinations are different. They're not like the, you know, the the normative inclination. And so they decide to just come together, and they're aware of it, there's no cheating going on. Because again, you have to be very careful that it has happened to, to me that people have come to me that a man was feeling in a particular manner, he's not attracted to women and whatnot, but he got married. And now the woman is now you know, coming to me and saying, he has
never touched me, or he's never approached me. And, you know, he has told me that his desires are such and such. And he knew this before marriage, and this is wrong, completely wrong, you cannot get married, knowing that you're not going to fulfill the obligations of your spouse without even telling your spouse this, but my point to you is consider that there are people who do believe in the shediac hamdulillah and they want to follow the shediac and they have inclinations that are not necessarily the normative inclinations. And if two such people of the opposite gender, where to find one another and get married just for the sake of companionship for the sake of whatever if they want
to again, there's no there's no obligation but perhaps that might be an option for you in the end of the day. I just wanted to say that really your your question, I found it very moving and I was very touched by it and ask Allah subhana wa tada to make your affairs easy for you. And I want to say that in the struggle that you are undergoing that in sha Allah to Allah, this is your agenda. This is your salvation, that this is the way that you will get your your rewards from Allah subhana wa Tada. And it is very possible. You know, you're feeling guilty for who you are. No, it is very possible you are better than all of us simply because you are struggling in a way that very few of
us can relate to and understand and you are at hamdulillah looks like you're conquering and you're winning in that struggle. that's the sign of a man. So keep up the good work, turn to Allah subhanho wa Taala constantly make lots of dua to Allah subhana wa tada remains steadfast and firm. And in that struggle and perseverance shall be your Jenna.