How do you give and receive advice as a muslim
Channel: Ammar Alshukry
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of praise is due to Allah we seek His guidance and his forgiveness and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of ourselves and the whispering of our desires, whom Allah guides no one can misguide. And whom you allow us to be misled. No one can guide and I have ever witnessed that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah alone, having no partners and that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his slave and His messenger and his perfect worshipper.
The province of Elijah is and it says in the Hadith as reported by Muslim Medina and we'll see how this religion is all about sincerity.
also translated as advice.
They said lemon yeah rasool Allah, by Allah Allah Allahu Allah kitab. He was a little soldier here when he muttered Muslim and when I met him, he said, It is sincerity to Allah,
and His Messenger, and his book, and
the leaders of the Muslims and their general population. This religion is all about sincere advice being sincere.
And yet, you will find that many times when we seek to give our loved ones advice, our friends, advice, community members advice, the general population advice, our leaders advice.
We face resistance. And so in this brief, I wanted to share what are the most common arguments against this idea of giving advice? What are the arguments that we commonly hear back? And what are the things that we can do to make our advice more accepted and acceptable? Number one, it is absolutely an obligation. The Prophet saw the light he said it to me he says I mean c'mon Colin Farrell. The euro will be added in the midst of that February signing in. I'm just looking for the Columbia daddy Cardinal Iman. Oh, Daddy got Allahu Amen. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam says, Whoever uses an evil, whoever uses an evil will let them change it with their hand. And if not,
that, then with their tongue, and if not that, then with their tongue and that is the lowest level of faith. The lowest level of faith is that a person engages evil with their heart, the lowest level of faith is that when someone sees something
That is wrong,
that they dislike it, that they hate it in their heart. And if a person what is understood from this hadith is that if a person sees that which is evil that which is disliked by Allah Subhana Allah, that which the Sharia has forbidden being participated in, and that person feels no resistance, that person feels like it is absolutely fine or absolutely normal or maybe even good, then that person has no emotion left in them. That is the weakest level of emotion is to hate something with your heart. And so Allah subhanho wa Taala praises this OMA for its ability to engage evil. Allah says quantum higher on the NASDAQ Morona Bill Maher Rufio turned on and he told me no, no biller. Allah
says you are the best OMA for mankind. Why? Because you command the good and you forbid evil and you believe in Allah subhana wa Tada. And so what are the arguments that we commonly hear the first when you see someone doing something wrong?
And you advise them, a common response is worry about yourself.
Just worry about you. Don't worry about Don't worry about me.
Allah Subhana Allah has obligated on me to worry about you.
When the province of Elijah has ended and says that whoever Have you sees an evil, they'll let them change it with their hand. And if not that, then with their tongue, and with one of that than with their heart, that is an obligation that he is putting on the individual to correct the collective.
And the first idea
of this notion spreading in the Muslim world happened during the time of Abu Bakr Al Golan and Abu Bakr stood on the member as Timothy and others they report and he said, Are you Hannah's in Nagaland? Takahashi in Iowa? Yeah, you know, and Fusa from Lyle Gurukul mandala that day, day two. He said you guys are reading this verse and you're misunderstanding it. Oh you who believe it they come full circle Worry about yourself. Deal with yourself upon you is yourself lie Uluru, Coleman Bala EDA today to you will not be harmed by those who are misguided if you are guided in a way that that verse could be understood is that as long as I'm okay, as long as I'm here at your mom,
then it doesn't matter who's not here.
As long as I come to the law, doesn't matter who doesn't come. As long as I obey Allah doesn't matter who disobeyed Allah. And I will work on the law and who's correcting this understanding? And he says, I heard Rasulullah sallallahu and send them say that if the people see mooncup
What are you here, your honor, and they do not change that monka Allah subhanaw taala may envelop all of them in his punishment.
Because when the punishment comes, it doesn't differentiate.
It doesn't differentiate, you have to be aware of him or see him the province level lie they said themselves in the Hadith reported by Aisha, and he says familiar by through an island Yeah, to him. And then on the day of judgment, people get resurrected. And but as far as the dunya goes, the punishment comes to everybody.
And so I am obligated to challenge Mongkut even as other people are engaged in if it is brought in the public sphere, I'm not required to go into people's private domains into people's houses and what have you, but what I see done publicly, I am required to engage at whatever level I have the capacity for a second argument that you hear
is, don't judge me.
Don't judge me.
Well, I'm not judging you. Number one. I'm not the one who said drinking alcohol is held up. I'm not the one who made weed hurt up. I'm not the one who made this action haram or this action neglect obligatory, it's Allah azza wa jal, it says messengers of Allah to send them that judgment is coming from Allah and Hakka Allah subhanaw taala says, by your Lord, they do not believe Hatha you hacky mukha, Fiamma. sheduled, obeying him until they make you or Muhammad the judge between them and what they different. And then they do not find in their hearts any resistance to what you have decreed where you suddenly moved to Lima and they submit a complete cements
belief, Allah negates from people until they are willing to submit to the rule of Rasulullah sallallahu. They have sent them the judgment of the province of Allah de cela. But not only that, until they submit to the judgment of the province of allied ascending them with no resistance, and they submit a complaint submitted so I'm not. And but there's another question,
which is Who of us is not judged every day? Are you not judged at work? Are you not judged at school? Are you not judged by people left and right and are you not required to make judgments of people left and right? And so why is it then that the only time where we have this visceral reaction to judgment is when it comes in the religious domain
When it comes to the halal and haram are people not judged in the social sphere every single day.
And so, the reality is we are judged, let us not have the judgment of Allah or his messenger be the judgment that we despise the most, a third.
And the and the one that we are least accepting of a third argument that people present is they say that I
am at a different level of iman,
we are all at different levels of iman.
And the answer to that is true, we are all at different levels of iman, when we are required to challenge munkar, that is something that we should pay attention to. And what that requires of us is to change the tools in our toolbox. And so I don't treat the person who is a new Muslim, like the person who knows better, and I don't treat the person who I have rapport with, like the person I don't have rapport with, I don't treat the person who's near to me, like the person who's distant.
One of the beautiful examples of this is it hasn't been who said,
famous story that has an interest in our young men at the time. And they may have even been Boys, boys. And they see an old man who's making will do wrong.
And so it has an interest in recognize that if they walk up to this elderly man, and they say to him, uncle, you're making will do it wrong, that he's going to be offended, and you're going to have harmed his ego. And the benefit of you correcting his behavior will not have actually actualized. And so what do they do? They come to him and they say, Yeah,
Uncle me and my brother are both saying that we make will do better than each other. So can you please judge between us and tell us which one of us makes will do better? And he said, Sure, no problem. They put him in a position of authority, even though he's the one who knows the least. But they're changing up the toolbox. They're changing up the tools in the toolbox. And so it hasn't performed perfectly, and the man is watching. And then as you said, Well, those performers will do it perfectly. And the man is watching. He's learning from them.
And so they say to him,
which one of us did, we'll do it better than the other. And he said, both of you did will do perfectly. It is your uncle who's been doing it wrong. They were able to teach him without teaching him. They were able to benefit him without harming his ego. And so the reality is, the way that we approach people is incredibly important. So briefly, I just want to share some ways that we can make our advice more palatable for people in sha Allah more beneficial. The first and most important ingredients is sincerity.
The most important ingredients of sincerity, that if I am sincere in advising someone, and they are sincere and receiving that advice, then inshallah every single time the benefit will happen if both ends are sincere to Allah subhanaw taala people will benefit. But if one is not sincere, then you have problems. So what does sincerity look like? What is sincerity look like? What are the qualities of sincere advice? One of the qualities of sincere advice is that I remove myself from the equation.
I want that person to benefit even if it is not me, who's benefiting them. Maybe a lot of times people will say, I'm trying to give my son advice. I'm trying to give my father advice. I'm trying to give my cousin advice I'm trying to.
And yet, you know, that they don't really listen to you.
They don't have for whatever reason, there's an impediment between them benefiting from your, from your advice in particular, but I want them to receive that advice. If I'm sincere.
If I'm sincere, then all I care about is that advice reaching them even if it is not from me. And so you know what, who's who's the person that has my father's ear? Let me talk to him and have him talk to my father, who's the person who my wife listens to who's the person who's that favorite share that this person listens to? I'll forward them a video of them talking about the same thing. Maybe it'll benefit them, I remove myself, because it's not about my ego. It's not about me being the one to tell them. It is about them benefiting so the first is sincerity. The second
is not forgetting the good.
A lot of times when we talk about advice, we simply think about what people are doing wrong. Not realizing that if we had encouraged them in doing good things, many times we would have negated that bad behavior or that evil behavior before it ever started.
I once went to a masjid
and it was a Saturday morning
for first a lot to figure
and I found them doing an award ceremony. It's a random figure on Saturday morning. They were doing an award ceremony for an
11 year old kid, because he had come to the masjid for six months for fed up on the weekends with his dad. For six months this this child had been coming on the weekend with his father. And so the message of the Imam and that first row, there weren't that many people there.
But they did an award ceremony for they gave him a certificate, they took pictures, people gave him candy, things like that. And so I want you to think about this. You're rewarding this 11 year old for coming to the masjid. You are celebrating the good that he is doing before you wait until he's 1314 15 years old and he stops coming to the masjid. And that's when all of a sudden you become concerned about his presence. You celebrate the good that they are doing so that it is positively reinforced, so that you curb the need for evil behavior at any point in time you celebrate that sister who's wearing hijab or talking about Hijab inshallah to either tonight you celebrate their
sister who's wearing hijab before you start criticizing her when she takes her hijab off that you fill people with feelings of goodness you fill people with positive reinforcement with confidence, inshallah to Allah that these attributes that you love become rewarded by them, the province on Allah, they said him was the master of this building nearby. Tell me what you do. Because I heard your footsteps in paradise. Abu Musab ash it. I heard your citation last night. You've been given a flute from the flutes of David Appleton, how long Saudi I saw Allah who was amazed at what you did with your guests last night. Rasul Allah cellulitis alayhi salam is constantly praising his
companions for the good that they do so that it only encourages them to do more of that good. And so one of the important ingredients with regards to advising is that you don't forget the good that people do and make all of your focus on the bad that people do. A lot of times parents make that mistake and so if the only time their children become noticeable when they're doing things that are bad, then guess what that child is learning that the only way to get attention from my parents is to do bad things. Because when I get all A's on the report card nobody cares.
Number three is to be private in your advice.
A chef Rahim Allah he says that a medieval knows he filled it with a living in nasiha Hatfield Gemma that you know must have been a nurse in northern Manitoba or the steamer for in Harlesden a word to Emory, filata didalam to Ottawa. He says,
Speak to Me alone, if you want to advise me. And spare me from public recommendations for public criticism is a type of center. That's not of my persuasion. And so if you defy me and disobey my words, don't be mad if you meet the same equation.
Privacy gives people the opportunity to protect their ego and to save, save face. So anytime you have the ability to pull someone to the side, you don't make it online. You don't make it in front of people in the living room as best as you can. If you can pull someone to the side and give them that advice privately. It just removes one more impediment. It removes the impediment of ego as best as you can. And number four, the last one will mention His gentleness, gentleness, one of the scholars came to hold on little shade. And he said to him, I have some harsh advice for you. So bear with me.
And he said, No, I'm not going to bear with you. We're not going to give me harsh advice. He said because Allah subhanaw taala said someone who's better than you to someone who's worse than me. And he told them, he said to Harun and Musa it hubba Illa route in Otava taco Allah Allah Who colon li in La Jolla to the Cairo Yaksha said, it's the Quran Yaksha He says,
Go to Phil town. He has transgressed. And so speak to Pharaoh and Allah is commanding Musa and hold on to speak to her own with gentle words. Perhaps he will remember, and perhaps he will fear Allah.
And so if moose and Harun are being told to be gentle to frown,
then aren't we more deserving of showing gentleness to our brothers and sisters? We asked Eliza to allow us to hear the speech and follow the best of it according to Mr. Fuller while you were looking for some food and
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